Hi Dottie - I missed this reply, but DO NOT WORRY, I would never off myself! Not on purpose anyway!!! I just meant that looking at the pictures of my babies who are not here to share their physical presence is really tough on me emotionally, and it does more harm to be reminded of them right now.

I am pretty strong actually. I have really found out just how strong I am through all the muck I've been dragged thru these past couple of years. I have a hunch things will get better from here. If you look on my thread you'll see I lost another pet today, a consequence of my x-h leaving. Divorce is an ugly thing, I'll tell you.

I know this period is just a transition and much better things are coming my way. You wouldn't believe the dreams and the signs I've had. I might post about some of them. Some have been like live 3d, amazing powerful dreams. Also, it's funny but I keep seeing hearts everywhere. Even in some soap scum on my bathroom sink. There were two marks shaped like hearts. And the other day in my kitchen a cup on a hook started rocking back and forth when I touched it, but it kept rocking, and rocking and rocking. For more than 15 minutes and it was still rocking when I left the room. I wondered if that was a sign that loved ones were close, then the kitchen light blinked, which maybe was a yes... Well I don't know really but it's comforting to me actually.

take care Dottie.

Jan.

Hi Dotty, Sending prayers your way that you stay intact, mind, body, and soul. I didn't realize these people had a liking to Alex...A gift to the grandson??? hmmm..could possibly be. Get up on your high horse girl, you have a mission ahead of you....Keep us informed. ..Ann

hi, jan - oh my gosh u have been through so very much! plz keep staying strong, hon. i am praying that u keep getting those signs and plz know in ur heart of hearts that's exactly what's happening. wonderful signs of happy messages! u betcha! i will go read more on ur thread. am so sorry cannot type much. bless you, jan and many hugggggs!!!

hi, ann. thnx sooo much! big hugggggs and blessings 2 u too!!!

always,
angel xoxoxox

Thanks Dottie

I feel like I've been through a war these past months, but I've come out stronger and wiser, really I have. I have found out I have much support and many friends, and I discovered the x-h was not at all the man I believed him to be - not even close or I never would have married him. What he's proven to me is that he is like the Tinman and he needs to find a heart. I hope someday he does. But I do have a heart, and my pain, along with my love, is a gift. I would rather take the pain of grief and loss anyday, knowing that I have fully and authentically loved. I will keep loving, and because of this I will probably keep hurting, but I know it's worth it and peace will come my way.

take care angel.

Jan.

{{{{{Jan}}}}} Biggggg Hugs!!!!!!!

You take care too, hon.

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

dearest alex, i know your birthday is coming up soon on may 1st. mama will try her very best to do something special for you. ok?
i love you and miss you sooooo much!!!

always,
your loving mama dottie xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dearest Alex, it's time now. I'm so sorry that I didn't pay much attention to the last two signs that you gave me within the past four weeks but I wasn't too sure what you were trying to tell me. Bless your Heart of Gold! Because you really were very clear. Well, you brought Kenny with you this past Thursday to make certain you got your point across and now I understand perfectly. As you know already, Ida Cesareo has up and vanished. No worries though. I've been doing my homework and found some of her relatives up north in Pennsylvania so she'll be going down, too.

Dad burn that Julia Galpin. My ongoing opinion of her continues to be correct. That woman is dumber than a bag of rocks. Positively, absolutely, indisputably stupid as hell. I mean to tell you, that woman should be the poster child for the Stoopid gene. Oy. Oy. Oy. I've tried my very best to give her the "benefit of the doubt" so to speak and offer her a way out and have let her know in no uncertain terms that I would walk away and not expect anything from her. I am serious. Nothing. Nada. Nichts. Zilch. Zero. But the idiot is avoiding me like plague even though I've remained pleasant. Hmmm? Perhaps she has her reason(s)? It wouldn't surprise me in the least. She leaves me no choice so is going down, too. "Julia Galpin, you are the weakest link. Goodbye!"

Ain't no way I'd even consider cutting any deal whatsoever to Nico Rasputin Mafisto Mengele Pavan. Now, that would make me stoopid. Heh. I spoke again today with my lawyer John Hamel telling him what I want to do ... need to do ... and asked him questions about doing it by the book. Ain't none of those three monsters gonna get off due to some negligent technicality. No way. No how. Nope.

So, within the next two weeks, I'll be officially filing charges against all three of the culprits. No more civil suit crap. We are talking arrests, jail, trial and I pray a verdict of guilty on all charges against them. Booyah!

And to think, if I had only gotten you back then I would have "walked away" from every crime they've committed against me. I still would. But, your sign to me last Thursday along with Kenny was crystal clear ...

Alex? How many pair of wings do Angel birds have?

I Love You Sooooo Much!!!!!!!

Always, Your Loving Mama Dottie xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dearest Most Precious Angel Feather Child Alex, tomorrow would have been your 17th Birthday and you would most probably have lived on this earthly plane for 35 to 40 or even 45 years. I can still see and hear you and know that you can see and hear me too, Sweetie.

Our Love is Eternal!!!

As Always I Carry Your Heart In My Heart now and Forever!!!

Like I said when you visited me just last Thursday ... I now know what you want to tell me my Immortal Beloved! I hope you love the Quaker images I chose and enhanced as they are so perfect and make your message to me even more meaningful. Mere words cannot express my Deep Gratitude to you! What an Awesome Blessing to have had you in my Life!!! I Love You So Much!!!

PREFACE: PLEASE PARDON USE OF ALL CAP LETTERS. IS JUST SO MUCH EASIER TO TYPE THIS WAY WITH USE OF RIGHT HAND ONLY.
SO NO. I AIN'T SHOUTING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR UNDERSTANDING. HUGS! BY THE WAY, I BEGAN THIS POST AT 10:17 AM MY TIME AND IT'S GOING ON 3:30 PM AS I HAVE COMPLETED EVEN THOUGH LOTS IS COPY AND PASTE. OY VEY. LOL ... NOW, MY POST ...

DEAREST ALEX, I FEEL SO VERY FRUSTRATED. I COME HERE EVERY DAY, SEE SO MANY PEOPLE IN SUCH GOSH AWFUL TERRIBLE PAIN, ANGUISH, SORROW, GRIEF, LONELINESS AND EVEN HORROR AT TIMES. I WANT SO BADLY TO REACH OUT TO THEM WITH MY WORDS, POEMS, IMAGES, SONGS, EXPRESSING MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES AND SHARING MY EXPERIENCES WITH ALL THE DEAR PEOPLE ...

ALEX, IT TAKES ME SO VERY LONG TO TYPE WITH ONE TO THREE FINGERS RIGHT HAND DUE TO COMPLICATIONS OF FRACTURED LEFT ARM. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT PEOPLE HERE WILL READ THIS SO THEY'LL KNOW WHY I HAVE NOT BEEN THERE FOR THEM ...

I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO LET THEM KNOW I HEAR THEM, ACUTELY FEEL THEIR PAIN, GRIEF, LONELINESS. WISH SO VERY MUCH TO DO MY BEST AND COMFORT THEM, EACH ONE ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN UNIQUE LOSSES. MORE. MORE, MORE.

OKAY, TO ANYONE WHO MAY BE READING THIS AND DOES NOT ALREADY KNOW: I CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT BEAR TO BE PITIED AND DON'T EVEN TAKE SYMPATHY THAT WELL UNLESS IT'S A "BUMMER, MAN THAT REALLY SUCKS" SORT OF THING. THE SOLE PURPOSE FOR
ME WRITING THIS IS TO EXPLAIN WHY I'VE NOT BEEN THERE FOR EVERYONE AS I HAVE IN THE PAST. THAT ... IS ... ALL. OKAY? OKAY.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR YOU AND THANK YOU TO ALL READING THIS. GOD BLESS!

ONE CAN BEGIN WITH POST # 301 TO ANN REGARDING THE "COMEDY OF ERRORS" WHICH BEGAN THE MOMENT I BROKE LEFT ARM CUZ I AM AN IDIOT. OY. SINCE POST # 301 I'VE BEEN TO HOSPITAL ER VIA AMBULANCE FIVE (5) MORE TIMES CUZ DANG.

DR. LUNSETH IS VERY SWEET, DEAR, KIND, MORE AND I DO LOVE HIS PERSONALITY. HE REMINDS ME A LOT OF MR. ROGERS. LOL BUT TRUE. MY PRIMARY CARE DR. IS THE ONE WHO REFERRED ME TO HIM ...

ALEX, DR, LUNSETH IS NOT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE CASES THAT PRESENT WITH COMPLICATIONS. HE APPEARS TO BE IN SEMI-RETIREMENT. SEES PATIENTS THREE MORNINGS A WEEK (MON, TUE, AND WED) FROM 9:20 AM TO LAST APPT SCHEDULED AT 11:40. APPOINTMENTS ARE 9:20, 9:40, 10:00, 10:20, 10:40, 11:00, 11:20, 11:40 IN THE AM MON THROUGH WED. HIS STAFF SEES YOU WAY MORE THAN HE DOES BUT HE ENJOYS PEEKING IN FOR PLEASANT CHATTING ABOUT THINGS NOT MEDICAL. HONEST AND FOR TRUE I'D LOVE TO BE HIS FISHING PAL. VERY SWEET GUY ...

HOWEVER, I KEPT GETTING SAME ANSWERS TO EVERY SINGLE QUESTION I'D ASK HIM REGARDING ALARMING SYMPTOMS. 1. "THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU." 2. "WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS." WAS VERY PLEASANT EACH TIME HE'D SAY THAT BUT DANG. HE FINALLY SAID AT MY VISIT BEFORE LAST: "I DO NOT UNDERSTAND (MAY HAVE BEEN "I DO NOT KNOW WHY") YOUR ARM IS TAKING SO LONG TO HEAL." HE THEN HAD VERY NICE TECH DO A BONE DENSITY TEST ...

FINDINGS WERE OSTEOPOROSIS. LUNSETH POPPED IN TO INFORM ME: "THIS MEANS YOU HAVE A 50% CHANCE THAT YOUR BONES WILL CONTINUE TO BREAK. YOU NEED TO ..." THEN HE STATED FIVE THINGS I NEEDED TO DO. HE SPOKE VERY QUICKLY BUT PLEASANTLY. I STATED: "I SURE HOPE SOMEONE WILL WRITE ALL THAT DOWN FOR ME." HIS RESPONSE: "WHY? HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE THERE IN YOUR PHONE NUMBER?" ME: "NINE NUMBERS." HIM: "WELL, I ONLY GAVE YOU FIVE THINGS TO REMEMBER." ...

ALEX, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF MR. ROGERS SAYING: "HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS. CAN YOU SAY ONLY FIVE THINGS TO REMEMBER? SURE. I KNEW YOU COULD. LETS SING ..." FOLLOWING IS AGAIN COPY AND PASTE BUT IS EXACTLY WHAT CAME TO MY MIND THAT THE DR. WAS SINGING ...

CLICK HERE FOR LYRICS: "WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?" BY: MR. ROGERS ...
http://pbskids.org/rogers/songlist/song1.html

HERE IS VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO CAN VIEW ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-slhCjiJ3k

OMG! LUNSETH EVEN LOOKS LIKE MR. ROGERS. I ... KID ...YOU ... NOT. YEP. THAT'S DR. LUNSETH. SUPER SWEET, DEAR, KIND, AND TALKS WITH YOU LIKE YOU'RE FIVE YEARS OLD. BLESS HIS HEART. ANYWAY, I THEN ASKED HIM SOME MORE MEDICALLY RELATED, INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS. HIS RESPONSE ... I KID YOU NOT ... "THAT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU." HE SMILES AND EXITS TEST ROOM ...

A COUPLE DAYS LATER, I PHONE TO LEAVE URGENT MESSAGE ON STEPHANIE'S PHONE MAIL. IS SECOND TIME SHE DOES NOT RETURN AN EMERGENCY CALL TO ME. SHAKING MY HEAD. I WAIT UNTIL AFTER 6:30 PM, CALL ANSWERING SERVICE. LUNSETH'S NURSE DIANE RETURNS MY CALL. I EXPLAIN EMERGENCY AND HOW I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO HOSPITAL ER AGAIN CUZ JUST WENT A DAY BEFORE BUT DANG. AGAIN, SHE TRIES BLAME GAME WITH ME BUT I PLEASANTLY SET HER STRAIGHT. SHE TELLS ME TO COME IN NEXT DAY (THIS PAST TUESDAY) BY 9:00 AM AND I'LL BE WORKED IN AS EMERGENCY ...

I GET THERE NEXT DAY BEFORE THEY OPEN AND WAIT. STAFF ARRIVES A LITTLE AFTER 9:00 AM. PATIENTS ENTER, SIGN IN, HAVE A SEAT AND CHAT WITH EACH OTHER. AT LEAST THREE OR MORE ARE TAKEN BACK BEFORE ME. AH HA! STAFF IS DOUBLE OR TRIPLE BOOKING THOSE APPOINTMENT TIMES I MENTIONED. FUN CHATTING CONTINUES IN WAITING ROOM. I BITE THE PAIN BULLET, SMILE AND JOIN IN ONE CHAT. ANOTHER SONG COMES TO MY MIND. CLICK HERE FOR LYRICS: "PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999" - BY PRINCE
http://www.metrolyrics.com/1999-lyrics-prince.html

HERE IS VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO CAN VIEW ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VEg3E0vNi4

YEP. THAT VIDEO WAS THE CHATTING AND MERRIMENT GOING ON IN THE WAITING ROOM. FINALLY, I AM CALLED BACK TO AN EXAM ROOM. I WAIT. AND WAIT. AND WAIT. SILENT BUT TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE FROM PAIN, FREAKISH SWELLING, DEEP BLUE COLOR OF ALL KNUCKLES, FINGERNAILS PALE BLUE AND WILL NOT BLANCH SO IS LITTLE OR NO CAPILLARY REFILL, NO CIRCULATION. ALL AS I'D EXPLAINED TO DIANE THE EVENING BEFORE. ABOUT AN HOUR PASSES THEN ...

I OVERHEAR DR. LUNSETH GOING INTO A NEARBY EXAM ROOM. HIM IN CHEERFUL VOICE: "HI THERE. HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?" RESPONSE FROM AN ADULT FEMALE: "OH, WE'RE DOING GREAT TODAY!" THEN COMES LAUGHTER. I ... KID ... YOU ... NOT ...

ENOUGH. I DID SOMETHING I HAVE NEVER, NEVER, NEVER DONE BEFORE. FAKING CALMNESS, I GET UP, LEAVE EXAM ROOM TO GET OUT OF THAT OFFICE. AM STOPPED BY MALE STAFF MEMBER. HIM: "WHAT'S GOING ON? ARE YOU OKAY? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" I CALMLY TELL HIM: "I SHOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE. I NEED TO GO TO EMERGENCY ROOM." HIM: "DOES THE DOCTOR KNOW YOU'RE LEAVING?" ME: "NO, HE DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW." AND I REPEAT AS I WALK AWAY: "I SHOULD NOT HAVE COME HERE. I NEED TO GO TO EMERGENCY ROOM RIGHT NOW. THANK YOU." I GET TO WAITING ROOM HEADING TO EXIT DOOR AND A RECEPTIONISTS CALLS OUT TO ME: "WAIT MRS. ZAPPONE. YOU NEED TO DO PAPER WORK AND PAY FOR YOUR VISIT." ME IN CALM VOICE: "NO. I DIDN'T SEE THE DOCTOR." I EXIT OFFICE, CALL MY CAB, GO HOME ...

GET ON MY PC TO GOOGLE ORTHOPEDIC DOCTORS WHO WORK ALONG WITH NEUROLOGISTS DUE TO MY SYMPTOMS. HERE IS FIRST BEST WEBSITE BUT ARE IN NEW YORK ...

http://www.safespinesurgery.com/start/

THERE IS PHONE NUMBER AT BOTTOM SO I CALLED TO SEE IF THEY KNOW ANYONE IN TAMPA. LADY WAS VERY NICE. SAID SHE'D GOTTEN CALLS LIKE MINE BEFORE BUT NO. THEY DO NOT KNOW ANYONE IN MY AREA THAT DOES WHAT THEY DO. I THANKED HER, TOLD HER I'D KEEP GOOGLING AND IF I COULDN'T FIND ANYONE LIKE THEM, I'D CALL HER AND TAKE THE NEXT FLIGHT TO SEE THEM CUZ DANG. SHE SAID SURE THING, FELT BAD FOR ME AND WISHED ME LUCK. I CONTINUED GOOGLING.

EUREKA. HERE IS MAIN WEBSITE ...

http://www.healthgrades.com/group-director...dicine-2cd5719d

DR I MADE APPT WITH ...

http://www.healthgrades.com/directory_sear...MD-C78D4D80.cfm

I STILL HAD TO GO TO ER ON 5/7/09. FOLLOWING IS COPY AND PASTE OF MY EMAIL TO DEBBIE CUZ I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HER WHEN I HAD TO CALL PARAMEDICS. SHE HAD EMAILED MY BROTHER TONY AND SHE WORRIES ABOUT ME. GOD BLESS HER! COPY AND PASTED EMAIL STARTS NOW ...

"HI DEBBIE. IT'S HARD AS HECK TO TYPE BUT I WANNA GET AT LEAST SOME WORD TO YOU JUST IN CASE YOU CHECK YOUR EMAIL WHILE ON YOUR VACATION IN ARIZONA TO PUT YOUR MIND AT EASE. SURE DO HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A TERRIFIC TIME AND PLEASE EXCUSE ALL CAP LETTERS. IS JUST SO MUCH EASIER TO TYPE THIS WAY. NO, I AIN'T SHOUTING, HON. THANKS.

PARAMEDICS WERE WONDERFUL. WOW.

ER DR. WAS AN ANSWER FROM HEAVEN. I KID YOU NOT. HE HAD TO BE IN HIS LATE 2O'S BUT NO MORE THAN EARLY OR MID 30'S. HE TOOK ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD AND THOROUGHLY, COMPLETELY ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION I ASKED HIM. AT LEAST 10 TO 15 QUESTIONS. WAS LIKE I WAS HAVING VERY GOOD DREAM. THANK YOU, GOD.

ANSWERED WHY HANDS, FINGERS, ARM KEPT SWELLING AND EVEN KNUCKLES TURING BLUE, NERVE INVOLVEMENT, SLEEP DEPRIVATION. WERE SIMPLE ANSWER(S) MAKING MUCH SENSE. IS COMBINATION OF FRACTURE, OSTEOPOROSIS, GRAVITY (POSITION OF ARM), HOW MUCH USE OF ARM, CAST, MORE, YADA, YADA, YADA. SO SIMPLE. WHO'D A THUNK IT? HOW WONDERFUL TO FINALLY GET ANSWERS ...

AS FOR LEFT SIDE OF BODY INVOLVEMENT, COULD BE THE SAME AS ABOVE AFFECTING, LEFT FOOT, LEG, ARM, SHOULDER, BACK, NECK, ETC. BUT! MAY BE SOMETHING ELSE. I ASKED HIM WHAT I OUGHT DO TO FIND OUT. HIS ANSWER: START WITH PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR, TESTS (HE NAMED TESTS), REFERRAL FROM PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR TO SPECIALIST. WHAT KIND OF SPECIALIST? THOSE TESTS WOULD REVEAL. MAY WELL BE MINI-STOKES. MAY VERY WELL NOT BE. NOW I KNOW HOW TO FIND OUT.

I DESCRIBED THE TYPE PAINS, LOCATIONS, ARM, SHOULDER. NECK INVOLVEMENT. HIS ANSWERS WERE LOGICAL, RATIONAL. DANG, HE WAS WEALTH OF INFORMATION, A "SERIOUS BUT KIND, CALM AND TAKE YOUR TIME" TYPE OF DEMEANOR ...

I HAD ALREADY TOLD HIM ABOUT APPT WITH DR, FREDERICK McCLIMANS ON FRIDAY MORNING. ER DR. SAID I REQUIRED PAIN MANAGEMENT UNTIL I CAN BE SEEN THEN. I SAW HIM WRITING NOTES AND ASSUMED A PRESCRIPTION, TOO. PARDONED MYSELF INTERRUPTING HIM BUT HE WAS NOT BOTHERED AT ALL. ...

I TOLD HIM HOW DARVOCET DID NOTHING. VICODIN (HYDROCODONE) DID BETTER BUT DIDN'T TAKE AWAY PAIN SO THE LAST ER DR. PRESCRIBED PERCOCET WHICH IS OXYCODONE. I SAID THAT STUFF IS WAY NUCLEAR, MADE ME FEEL TRIPPY, SCARY FEELING ...
HE CUT IN: "SO YOU PREFER VICODIN THEN. RIGHT? NO PROBLEM." THE GUY READ MY MIND. GOD BLESS HIM FOR ALL HIS CARE TO ME!

UNFORTUNATELY, HE IS NOT IN ANY PRACTICE. IS ONLY ER DR. AT THIS TIME. HE GAVE ME HIS CARD AND I SURE AIN'T GONNA LOSE IT JUST IN CASE HE JOINS SOME PRACTICE IN THE FUTURE. DANG SKIPPY. OH, HE DID ADMIT ABOUT THOSE THINGS HE DID NOT KNOW BUT WAS VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT ALL HE EXPLAINED THAT HE DID KNOW. AND, AS I SAID, ALL MADE PERFECT SENSE. DEBBIE, I GOTTA DO SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM. AT LEAST TO LET HIS SUPERVISORS KNOW WHAT A TREASURE HE IS. AMEN TO THAT ...

NEXT ...

I DID SEE DR. FREDERICK McCLIMANS THIS MORNING. ALL STAFF THERE WERE WONDERFUL. ONLY SAW DR. McCLIMANS A LITTLE EVEN THOUGH HE DID TAKE IN ALL I DESCRIBED, YADA, YADA, YADA, CUZ HE WAS DOING HIS THING STUDYING MY RECORDS, NEW X-RAYS TAKEN TODAY THERE AND CAST CAME OFF ... HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT MY OSTEOPOROSIS AND I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS THAT BAD/SERIOUS.

OH, I HAD COPY OF BONE DENSITY TEST WITH ME WHICH HAD BEEN DONE AT DR. LUNSETH. IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT BUT CAN TAKE MEDS FOR IT. I AIN'T GONNA WORRY ABOUT IT BUT WILL PAY ATTENTION NOT TO DO STUFF AS BONES MAY BREAK REALLY EASY. YADA, YADA, YADA. WILL TAKE MEDS, BE CAREFUL, ETC. HEY, THAT'S ALL YOU CAN DO ...

I HEARD WHISPERS ABOUT DR. LUNSETH ... THEY DO KNOW HIM AND APPEAR TO BE EITHER PROTECTING HIM OR ARE TICKED OFF AT HIM. DIFFICULT TO TELL GOING BY THEIR WHISPERS I HEARD BUT YOU SURE COULD READ IT IN DR. McCLIMANS' FACE. OY.

DEBBIE, ALL ALONG I KEPT TELLING DR. LUNSETH THE CAST WAS CUTTING REAL BAD INTO AREA WHERE WRIST MEETS BOTTOM OF THUMB ON THE SIDE. LUNSETH'S AND HIS NURSE'S ANSWER WAS TO EFFECT OF "IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY" ... NO UN! WHEN CAST CAME OFF AT DR. MCCLIMANS, THE VERY CALM, PROFESSIONAL, ETC., NURSE GOT HUGE EYES AND EXCLAIMED: "OH MY GO ..." SHE STOPPED HERSELF BUT DID THEN SAY "LOOK AT THAT!" ...

I CALMLY SAID, "YEP. I THOUGHT SO. NO WONDER THUMB WAS NUMB WITH NERVE SHOOTING PAIN WHEN TOUCHED. NO WONDER ALL THE OFF AND ON FREAKISH SWELLING OF HAND AND FINGERS, BLUISH DISCOLORATION ... ALL SINCE CAST WENT ON ..."

HAND OVER MY HEART, I EXPECTED TO SEE BIG INDENTATION INTO WRIST THERE DUE TO WHAT I MENTIONED ABOVE ... BUT! I PROMISE YOU I'M NOT EXAGGERATING THAT I'VE SEEN SIDE SHOW FREAK STUFF NOWHERE, AND I DO MEAN NOWHERE AS FREAK SHOW THAT MY HAND AND ARM LOOKED LIKE ... I ... KID ... YOU ... NOT. "VERY ALARMING!" AS FOR ME? OH MAN, I WAS SO VERY RELIEVED CUZ MORE QUESTIONS ANSWERED. YAY.

NEXT: NURSE STARTED TO CLEAN MY ARM WITH A SPECIAL WET DISPOSABLE PAPER/CLOTH TYPE THINGY. BIG TIME OUCHIE. SHE WAS SO NICE, GAVE ME THE SPECIAL WET DISPOSABLE PAPER/CLOTH TYPE THINGY, INSTRUCTED ME HOW TO CLEAN FINGERS, HAND, ARM AND LET ME DO IT. AHHH FELT SO GOOD.

NOW HAVE REMOVABLE TYPE SPLINT. FASTENS WITH THREE VELCRO STRAPS. SHE LET ME TAKE MY TIME PUTTING IT ON MYSELF CUZ SHE THEN KNEW I WAS IN GREAT PAIN AS ONE PICTURE TELLS A THOUSAND WORDS. BLESS HER. IT FITS EXACTLY LIKE A CAST ...

NEXT: CHECKED OUT WITH VERY NICE LADY, WAS TOLD TO MAKE APPT. IN 10 DAYS FOR FOLLOWUP AT DR. MCCLIMANS OTHER OFFICE. GOOD CUZ IS CLOSER TO WERE I LIVE ...

NEXT: I WAS SENT TO LARGE, WELL EQUIPPED PHYSICAL THERAPY ROOM. ONE OF THE TWO PHYSICAL THERAPISTS GAVE ME MANY "EXERCISES" TO DO WITH SPLINT OFF AND DEMONSTRATED EACH ONE. GAVE ME WRITTEN INSTRUCTIONS WITH ILLUSTRATIONS. THEN SPLINT GOES BACK ON OF COURSE. NO USE OF WEIGHTS YET CUZ DANG. I DON'T EVEN HAVE STRENGTH WITH THAT HAND TO GRIP, PULL, TEAR TOILET PAPER. LOL. AGAIN, I KID YOU NOT. WILL BE WORKING UP TO WEIGHTS EVENTUALLY.

OKAY. I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW. THANK GAWD FOR DR. McCLIMANS AND THAT I CHOSE HIM. WOO HOO. SOMEONE UP THERE LIKES ME. I MEAN IT. I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE. PERHAPS MY GUARDIAN ANGELS? ME THINKS COULD VERY WELL BE SO. YOU BET AND BIG SMILE HERE, HON.

SO TODAY WAS GETTING STARTED ... THE RIGHT WAY THIS TIME. DISCUSSION WILL BE WITH DR. McCLIMANS AT NEXT APPT IN 10 DAYS REGARDING ALL FINDINGS TODAY AND WHAT IS TO COME.

FRET NOT, DEBBIE. I'M IN GOOD HANDS THIS TIME. YAY.

I'M GONNA CC THIS TO TONY CUZ I AIN'T TOLD HIM ALL THE ABOVE. AGAIN, SORRY ABOUT ALL CAP LETTERS. IS JUST SO MUCH EASIER TO TYPE THIS WAY AND I'M NOT SHOUTING.

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY BUNCHES AND OODLES. PLEASE TAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF PICTURES. PLEASEEEEE. K? K!

BIG HUGS,
DOTTIE

PS. PLEASE PARDON ALL TYPOS. THANKS!"

***END OF COPY AND PASTE EMAIL ...

LUNSETH'S OFFICE CALLED ME TO VERIFY MY NEXT APPOINTMENT WHILE I WAS TYPING ABOVE EMAIL FRIDAY, MAY 8TH. I COULD NOT RESIST AND RESPONDED CHEERFULLY: "THANK YOU BUT NO. 'LETS JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS'." FUNNY, THEY'VE NEVER VERIFIED ANY OF MY OTHER APPOINTMENTS. MY PRIMARY CARE DR. CASTELLANO MUST HAVE TOLD THEM THAT I'D CALLED HIM ABOUT SEEING ANOTHER ORTHOPEDIC BUT DID NOT WANT DR. LUNSETH TO KNOW CUZ HE'S SO DEAR AND I SURE DON'T WANT TO HURT HIS FEELINGS. I MEAN THAT, TOO. PROMISE.

SO NOW YOU KNOW THE "WHY" I'VE EITHER MADE VERY SHORT POSTS TO PEOPLE OR HAVE SAID NOTHING AT ALL WHILE PRAYING THAT SOMEONE WILL BE THERE FOR THEM. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! BUT, AS ALWAYS, SOMEONE IS THERE FOR YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED ...

GOD BLESS ALL HERE AT LS!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

PS. PLEASE PARDON ALL TYPOS CUZ ... DANG.

Hi Dottie, I just consumed a 1/2 jar of peanut butter while reading your post. Fattening, I know, but they say it's good for you. (maybe not a 2:15a just b4 bed)..Anyways, I'm glad you are on the road to recovery, it's too bad you had to take the long way around. I hate to say this, but, I avoid the dr unless I feel I'm dying. We pay all this money for insurance and get insulted when we need help. How awful, that you had to walk out and the nerve wanting you to sign papers and make payments. Geezzzz.

Also, I'm with you about everyone here. I haven't been on so much, but do stop by to read. Like you, I wish I could make everyone's hurt go away, including my own. We help eachother here and the chain continues to grow. You, Dottie, and everyone here are in my thoughts daily..Hugs. Ann

HI ANN. PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. THANKS. HEY, YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME ABOUT EATING PEANUT BUTTER FROM JAR. I LOVE TO "NOM! NOM! NOM!" LIKE THAT, TOO. YA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GREAT ESPECIALLY AS A TREAT OR IF YOU HAVE LIMITED BUDGET? VERY GOOD FOR YOU AS WELL. PUT SOME PEANUT BUTTER IN A BOWL (CAN BE SOUP BOWL OR WHATEVER) THEN ADD SYRUP AND STIR, STIR, STIR. (I USE A TABLESPOON TO STIR.) GOT TO BE CORRECT CONSISTENCY SO IT WON'T RUN WHEN YOU PUT IT ON BREAD AND MAKE A SANDWICH. OH MY GOSH. IT IS DELICIOUS, CHEAP AND NUTRITIOUS. BUT WAY FATTENING. OY AND LOL.

I HEAR YOU ABOUT THAT RECEPTIONIST WANTING MY PAPER WORK AND MONEY BEFORE I LEFT AND GUESS WHAT? I NEVER TOLD THEM AND DID PAY MY 20% COPAY AT END OF EACH VISIT BUT THEY AIN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. IT IS ILLEGAL TO COLLECT 20% MEDICARE COPAY AT TIME OF DR. VISIT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW WHAT IT WILL BE. HOW DO I KNOW THIS ...

CUZ WHEN I WORKED IN MEDICAL FIELD, I WOULD LOOK UP THE 80% ALLOWED BY MEDICARE FOR EACH PROCEDURE THEN WOULD COLLECT PATIENT'S 20% COPAY AFTER THEY SAW DR. AT EACH VISIT SO WOULD SAVE BILLING THE PATIENT. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS ILLEGAL UNTIL ONE DAY WHEN A NICE MALE PATIENT TOLD ME, "I WILL PAY AFTER YOU FILE MEDICARE AND GET THEIR PAYMENT."
I EXPLAINED THAT I KNEW WHAT COPAY WAS GOING TO BE AND ASKED DIDN'T HE WISH TO SKIP BEING BILLED AND HAVE TO PAY POSTAGE? ANN, THAT'S THE REAL REASON I DID THIS FOR THEM CUZ EVERY PENNY COUNTS TO THESE PEOPLE. DANG SKIPPY! BUT ...

THEN HE NICELY SAID, "DID YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? MEDICARE STATES THAT DR. IS NOT ALLOWED TO COLLECT COPAY UNTIL AFTER CLAIM IS FILED AND 80% MEDICARE ALLOWABLE IS RECEIVED BY DR. OFFICE. THE DR. OFFICE MUST BILL PATIENT FOR THEIR 20% COPAY." ANN, HE SOUNDED LIKE HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT SO I THANKED HIM BUT DID CHECK WITH MEDICARE AFTER HE LEFT JUST TO MAKE SURE. UT OH. WAS TRUE. THIS WAS AT LEAST 20 YEARS AGO! AND ...

SINCE THEN, EVERY DR. I'VE SEEN SINCE BEING ON MEDICARE WILL NOT LET ME PAY MY 20% AT TIME OF VISIT EVEN THOUGH I'D PREFER CUZ OF POSTAGE, ENVELOPE, HAVING TO GET TO MAIL BOX, ETC. I BEG THEM BUT NO. THEY SAY THEY CANNOT COLLECT UNTIL MEDICARE PAYS THEM AND THEN THEY WILL BILL ME. HMMM ... I WONDER IF DR. LUNSETH'S OFFICE KNOWS THIS? THEY DARNED WELL SHOULD CUZ IF SOMEONE TELLS MEDICARE WHAT THEY ARE DOING, THEY WILL BE IN BIG BADA BOOM TROUBLE. WORD TO YOUR MAMA. ANN, THERE IS NO REASON THEY WOULD NOT KNOW IT'S ILLEGAL. TSK TSK ON THEM.

NEXT: NEW FINDINGS ABOUT DR. LUNSETH. I DECIDED TO DO A BACKGROUND CHECK AND I HAVE NEVER, EVER DONE ONE ON A DR. BEFORE. HOWEVER, THIS SWEET MR. ROGERS GUY AND HIS STAFF HAVE MADE SEVERAL BIG TIME BOO BOOS REGARDING CARE TO MY ARM BEGINNING WITH LADY WHO SCHEDULED MY FIRST APPT THERE AND THAT'S AN UNDER STATEMENT. AGAIN, WORD TO YOUR MAMA.

FOLLOWING IS COPY AND PASTE OF 5/9/09 EMAIL TO MY BROTHER SO APOLOGIES FOR REPEAT OF MR. ROGERS SONG LINKS.
GRAB SOME MORE PEANUT BUTTER, ANN. THIS IS GONNA KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF. COPY AND PASTE OF EMAIL BEGINS NOW >>>>>

***Note: I am CCing this to Debbie. Debbie, you have my permission to post this and the other email I sent to you in private forum
"The Loft" at your message board The CatBird Seat where you began thread about my broken arm. Tracey and Sherry probably want
to know. Okay? Thanks, Debbie!

Tony, go here and do it soon cuz it expires 5/19/2009 ...

http://www.healthgrades.com/directory_sear...MD-713DE11D.cfm

Then to upper right to "Log In"
User Name: MaidenNTheShaden@aol.com
Password: 33604egbdf
(NOTE TO ANN: IT'S OKAY. THAT AIN'T MY PASSWORD ANYWHERE ELSE SO YOU CAN GO PEEK. WINK.)

Go Here ...

Report History:

Watchdog - Dr. Paul Lunseth Open Report Survey Results
Paul Lunseth, MD Tampa, FL Expires 05/19/09 Survey Results

Click on "Open Report" and find this ...

Closed Malpractice Claims:

Malpractice History Found

State: FL
Closed Year: 2005
Amount or Range: $195,000
Claim Type: Settlement
Incident Date: 08/07/2003
Nature of Claim: Not Available
Note: HealthGrades collects malpractice and lawsuit information for the states of California, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.

Florida reports settlements of $100,000 or greater within the last 10 years.

Medical malpractice is ordinary negligence by a healthcare provider which causes injury. Examples include being improperly diagnosed, treated, medicated or operated upon outside the standard of care. Standard of care is that level of care, skill and treatment which is recognized as acceptable and appropriate by a reasonably prudent similar healthcare provider under similar circumstances.

If your physician has a closed malpractice claim in one of the states available to us, it will be listed here even if he/she no longer practices in that state. If your physician has malpractice claims from multiple states, evaluate the information for similarities. It is possible for multiple states to report the same claim because physicians are required to report all claims during the state licensing process. If your physician has a malpractice claim, evaluate the information and make a determination. You may want to use this information to start a discussion with the physician.

***NEXT : Click on green tab saying: "Patient Ratings"

Ain't too good. Is bad. Oy. I'd print it here but the graph won't copy and paste and will not allow me to save to file so I can host it. The only "good" rating he got was: "Helps patients understand their medical conditions" and that's cuz he sees people who already know what's going on as well as them loving his Mr. Rogers personality.

Voila! He is sem-retired, too scared to say much cuz he was sued in 2005 and was a settlement against him for $195,000.00. Could be more but: "Florida reports settlements of $100,000 or greater within the last 10 years." So, we don't know if there were any others before 10 years ago ...

Just for the heck of it, I found YouTube of (late) Mr. Rogers singing his show's opening song: "Won't You Be My Neighbor" cuz he is soooo like Lunseth ...

First the lyrics with Mr. Rogers photo ...

http://pbskids.org/rogers/songlist/song1.html

Now the YouTube ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-slhCjiJ3k

OMG! That is not only his personality but he also greatly resembles Mr. Rogers and I ... KID ... YOU ... NOT. He honest to gosh talks to you (well to me) like I'm 5 years old ... I ... Am ... Serious ...

***NEXT!

A while back (4-11-2009) Debbie, the really nice lady who's my dear friend and one who emailed you, sent me a link to issue complaints against physicians, medical facilities, ambulance companies, etc. Here is the link ...

http://www.leememorial.org/customerservice/Patientrights.asp

Here is what I posted to Debbie, Tracey and Sherry in a private forum on Debbie's message board: The Catbird Seat ...

***READ IT! Thanks ...

(Posted 4-14-2009) I'm back. First I called and left a message on Stephanie's voice mail (or whatever you call it) at Dr. Lunseth's office. Asking if Dr. Lunseth works in conjunction with any doctor or agency who will provide pain management and/or physical therapy.
I stated I had done all she told me to do from last phone call. That swelling did go down but new pain began, got worse and worse so finally went to ER between 11:00 PM and midnight and that I'd go into specifics when she returns my call. I was very clear that: "I need help."

Next: Debbie, here is a snippet from all the contact people, addresses, phone numbers and so on that you emailed to me ...

<<Snippet>

You may register a complaint with the following state agency directly, regardless of whether you use our complaint process. If you have a complaint against a hospital or ambulatory surgical center, file it by phone. Call the Hospital and Outpatient Unit complaint hotline toll-free at 1-888-419-3456.

<<End Snippet>>

I felt that was a good place to start and I was right. Bless you, Debbie. Hug! I spoke with Pat. Phone call was recorded which is very good. She didn't rush me and I told her almost everything from the beginning up to my call to Dr. Lunseth's office this morning to Stephanie's voice mail. She listened and asked me very intelligent questions. She really appears to know her stuff ...

Given all I told Pat about first ambulance response, first ER visit, Cindy at St. Joseph's Hospital pre-op work up, Michelle at Bayshore Health Services, wonderful Wanda at Care Team, Jan at Dr. Buscemi's office, everyone at Dr. Lunseth's office (I gave their names cuz Pat asked) including Dr. Lunseth, all I've been instructed, all information given to me, treatment rendered, yada, yada, yada ...

Pat stated, "I am concerned about that Dr. Lunseth." She is mailing a form to me to fill out and did give me more phone numbers: FMQUI Medical Qualify Assurance Inc. at 1-800-844-0795 and Florida Division of Emergency Heath ... Cannot recall long title but phone number is 1-850-245-4440. Pat said that second number has Medicare Advocates. Hallelujah.

Pat also wanted addresses and phone numbers of hospital, doctor's offices and other facilities so I provided her with that information, too. Ain't OCD and almost total recall grand sometimes? I did have to look at my notes for the phone numbers though.

More later and many thanks for all your help and support, Debbie, Sherry and Tracey. Big Hug!

PS. I did all the above right away as I promised. It just took me forever to type this out. I wanted you to know that ... Yes, I made those calls immediately after my last post here. Thank you all again so very much!

***END OF POST AT CATBIRD SEAT TO DEBBIE, TRACEY, SHERRY.

Me again - IMPORTANT! I do not know if Dr. Lunseth was negligent or not. At the number I phoned which Debbie provided me, Pat also expressed that Dr. Lunseth ought to have been able to set the fracture before casting on the day of my first visit.

At his point in time, my arm from mid lower arm to my fingers is completely useless, Not only that but I swear an oath that I could easily get a gig at a freak show. The appearance is very disturbingly alarming. I AM SERIOUS ...

Those other doctors must know about Dr. Lunseth. The nurse taking my initial information at my last ER visit said she knows him. Are they protecting him? Ticked off at him? Do NOT want to get involved with what he and his staff have done to me? Inquiring minds want to know!

Tired of typing so this is "end of transmission" for now.

Big Hug,
Dottie

PS. HOLY COW - I REMAIN IN A CRAP LOAD OF PAIN. ESPECIALLY FINGERS, OMG THUMB, HAND, WRIST, GOING ALL THE WAY TO UPPER ARM, SHOULDER, NECK, MORE. NO PAIN MEDICATIONS WILL HELP ONE DANG BIT. ARG.

OK. I THINK THAT'S IT FOR NOW. OUCH ... I AM SERIOUS ...

HUGS,
DOTTIE

PS. PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. THANKS.

YOO HOO ANN. THAT IS END OF EMAIL. INTERESTING STUFF AND PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW. HEY, AIN'T GOOGLE GRAND? YOU CAN DISCOVER SO MUCH. WOO HOO.

BIG HUGS AND LOTSA LOVE!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

OMG! What a Horrible story!! And I feel cheated? So so sorry for your "loss". What could they possibly have to gain?

HI BK59. PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS. HUGS! HERE IS LONG ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION. MOST YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET SINCE YOU'RE NOT AWARE OF THE ENTIRE SAGA. YOU ASKED, "What could they possibly have to gain?"

FIRST, HERE'S THE "WHY" THEY DID IT: 1. Avarice/Greed. 2. Envy. 3. Lust. 4. Sloth. 5. Wrath/Anger. 6. Pride/Vanity. 7. Gluttony. TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT IS MEANT BY EACH OF "THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS," GO HERE AND LOOK AT THE EASY EXPLANATION GRAPH ...

http://www.whitestonejournal.com/seven_deadly_sins/

NOW, FOR SOME REASON, BETRAYAL IS NOT LISTED AT A DEADLY SIN. TO ME, BETRAYAL IS THE DEADLIEST SIN ONE CAN COMMIT AND IT TAKES MANY DIFFERENT FORMS. WORD TO YOUR MAMA. AS FAR AS "THE TEN COMMANDMENTS" THOSE THREE BROKE FIVE OF THEM AGAINST ME, MY FUR KIDS AND FEATHER CHILD. FOLLOWING IS COPY AND PASTE OF THOSE FIVE. ONE: You shall have no other gods before Me. SIX: You shall not murder. EIGHT: You shall not steal. NINE: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. TEN: You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.

I COULD GO INTO WHAT "LAWS" THOSE THREE BROKE GOVERNING JUDAISM, BUDDHISM, ISLAM, BAHAI, WICCA, AND SO ON BUT THE ABOVE WILL SUFFICE ...

ANYWAY, IT ALL WENT BAD WHEN I BUSTED IDA. CALLED HER ON ALL HER LIES. CURSED HER OUT. TOLD HER I'D MAKE HER LIFE A LIVING HELL AND SEE HER IN PRISON IF SHE DIDN'T GET ALEX BACK TO ME ASAP. SHE GOT WAY NERVOUS. THE EVENING THAT I BUSTED IDA, A DEAR FRIEND WHO WAS MY NEIGHBOR HERE SAW ALL THREE MONSTERS STANDING ON OUR DRIVEWAY PAVEMENT BEHIND NICO PAVAN'S CARPORT AT HIS UNIT HERE HAVING A "POW WOW." MY FRIEND COULD NOT HEAR THEM BUT SAID IDA APPEARED VERY SCARED. THEY MADE PLANS. I CAN ONLY ATTEST TO KNOWING ONE OF THE PLANS THEY MADE AND I'M SURE IT WAS NICO'S DOING CUZ BOTH IDA AND JULIA ARE FAR TOO STUPID TO HAVE THOUGHT OF DOING THAT TO ME. AS FAR AS OTHER PLANS? IT SURE WOULD BE SMART TO GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE WHICH WAS ALEX.

NEXT: "WHAT WOULD THEY HAVE TO GAIN?" WELL ...

IT IS MY EDUCATED OPINION THAT NONE OF THOSE THREE MONSTERS WOULD EVEN CONSIDER ANY BIRD'S MONITORY WORTH BUT I PRAYED SO HARD THAT I WAS WRONG UNTIL IT ALL WENT BAD. ALEX WAS AN AMAZING, ASTOUNDING CREATURE DUE TO MY YEARS OF LOVING CARE AND TRAINING TO HIM AS WELL AS HIS MOST REMARKABLE COGNIZANCE, SPEECH AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS. HE COULD EASILY HAVE FETCHED ANYWHERE BETWEEN $2,500.00 TO $5,000.00 AS A PET AND A WHOLE LOT MORE IF SOLD FOR USE IN RESEARCH SUCH AS INTERSPECIES COMMUNICATION. OR EVEN AS AN ATTRACTION LIKE YOU SEE IN THEME PARKS: DISNEY WORLD, BUSCH GARDENS, EPCOT AND SO ON. ANYWHERE FROM $12,500.00 ON UP TO ... I TALKED ABOUT THIS ON PAGE ONE OF THIS THREAD.

BOTH ALEX AND I WERE BETRAYED IN A MAJOR WAY. STILL, IT HAPPENED ON MY WATCH. THERE WERE SO MANY 'RED FLAGS' THAT I OUGHT TO HAVE SEEN. OUGHT TO HAVE PAID ATTENTION. I COULD HAVE PREVENTED ALL THIS FROM HAPPENING. I FAILED MY FEATHER CHILD. I FAILED THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE BOTH HUMAN AND ANIMAL. HE WAS MY HEART, SOUL, WORLD. HE WAS ALSO MY COMPANION ANIMAL WHICH AT LEAST NICO WOULD KNOW THE FINE AND MANDATORY JAIL TIME FOR STEALING A DISABLED PERSON'S COMPANION ANIMAL SO, ONCE AGAIN, IT WOULD BEHOOVE THEM GET RID OF THE EVIDENCE WHICH OF COURSE WAS ALEX ...

ALEX IS GONE. I KNOW THAT NOW. ALEX HAS TRIED TO GIVE ME SIGNS FROM THE VERY BEGINNING BUT I DID NOT UNDERSTAND HIM. HE FINALLY BROUGHT MY LATE HUSBAND WITH HIM THE LAST TIME LESS THAN 2 WEEKS AGO TO MAKE HIMSELF CLEAR TO ME. HE IS GONE. BUT, HE IS HAPPY AND WITH MY KENNY. THANK YOU GOD.

STILL, DAMN THOSE THREE MONSTERS AND SHAME ON ME! IT'S TAKING LOTS AND LOTS OF TIME FOR ME TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT STOPPING WHAT THOSE THREE MONSTERS DID TO MY BUDDY DOG, STYX KITTY AND ALEX PARROT. I REALLY NEED TO FORGIVE MYSELF. I'D CERTAINLY FORGIVE ANYONE ELSE HAD IT HAPPENED TO THEM SO WHY NOT FORGIVE MYSELF? PERHAPS A LOT OF US ARE WAY HARDER ON OURSELVES THAN WE ARE ON OTHER PEOPLE. I BELIEVE THAT IS TRUE.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND GOD BLESS!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

HI SWEET BABY BOY ALEX! I BROUGHT YOU A PLAY PEN ...



AND A BELL TOY WITH WOODEN BLOCKS THAT YOU LOVE SO MUCH ...



HERE'S A BOWL OF PASTA WITH HERB GARNISH CUZ I KNOW THAT IT'S ONE OF YOUR FAVORITES ...



I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!

ALWAYS, YOUR LOVING MAMA DOTTIE xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

DEAR FRIENDS, YOU MAY NOT HAVE READ THE POST I MADE A WHILE BACK ON THIS THREAD WHERE I SAID I WAS SO DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS THAT I HAD BEGUN EMAILING AND CALLING TALK SHOWS WHICH I FELT COULD HELP ME. I FINALLY RECEIVED A RETURN CALL ON MY PHONE LAST NIGHT FROM ALISSA AT THE STEVE WILKOS SHOW.



I'M A HUGE FAN OF HIS BECAUSE HE'S SUPER INTELLIGENT, EASILY SEES THROUGH PEOPLE'S LIES AND CALLS THEM ON THEIR LIES EVEN BEFORE VIEWING THE RESULTS OF THEIR POLYGRAPH TESTS. THIS MAN GOES JACKIE CHAN ON THE BAD GUYS AND IS VERY COMPASSIONATE TO THE VICTIMS MAKING CERTAIN THEY GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF THEY NEED AND DESIRE COUNSELING BE IT GRIEF THERAPY, PARENTING SKILL CLASSES OR EVEN DRUG REHABILITATION.

ALSO, MR. WILKOS HAS PROVEN HIMSELF TIME AND AGAIN TO BE A TERRIFIC FAMILY MAN, TRULY DOES GENUINELY CARE FOR THOSE IN NEED AND WANTS VERY MUCH TO BE OF ASSISTANCE IN ANY WAY HE CAN. MY GOSH, HE EVEN HOPS THE FIRST FLIGHT TO COME SEE YOU IN PERSON IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES. WORD. GOD BLESS STEVE AND SEMPER FI!

HERE IS ONE OF HIS WEBSITES ...

http://www.stevewilkos.com/

I CLICKED ON BIO AND WILL COPY AND PASTE IT HERE FOR THOSE WHO AREN'T ABLE TO PULL UP HIS WEBSITE ...

http://www.stevewilkos.com/bios/

Steve Wilkos is the host of NBC Universal Domestic Television Distribution's nationally syndicated series "The Steve Wilkos Show."



A native of Chicago, Wilkos served his country in the U.S. Marine Corps for almost seven years before joining the Chicago Police Dept. For almost 12 years, he kept the streets of Chicago's volatile 14th District (Shakespeare) safe while moonlighting during his off hours on television. Wilkos retired from the police force in 2001 and now devotes himself full time to his family and his show.

Prior to starting a show of his own, Wilkos filled in for Jerry Springer as host of the long-running "Jerry Springer Show" on more than 50 episodes, using his law enforcement background and no-nonsense style to create his own identity as a talk show host.



Wilkos is a man people can relate to. His popularity has skyrocketed and his sincerity and moral fiber have made for a very diverse fan base that includes people from all walks of life. When not watching cartoons with his two young children, Wilkos makes time to catch his favorite show of all time, "The Simpson's," for which he lent his voice for a cameo on a past episode (a milestone he proudly calls "the highlight of my career so far.") Wilkos has also appeared in several TV shows and films including the hit motion picture, "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me."

Being a huge sports fan, Wilkos can be spotted at various professional sporting events in his free time, such as basketball and football games, and he is a regular at Chicago Cubs baseball games.

Wilkos is married to his wife Rachelle, who is Supervising Producer on "The Steve Wilkos Show." They have two young children.

***It's Dottie talking again. Below is a Website where you can see many episodes which have appeared on The Steve Wilkos Show. Watch this man in action. He is wonderful!

http://www.stevewilkos.com/video/

AFTER I GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH ALISSA, I WAS UP UNTIL 3:00 AM PUTTING TOGETHER ALL THE INFORMATION THEY CAN USE. THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO SAY BUT MY EMAIL TOOK ON THE LENGTH OF A NOVEL. IF THEY WISH OR NEED MORE SPECIFICS, I HOPE TO GOD ALISSA WILL CALL ME AND LET ME KNOW. THEN I'LL SEND HER ANOTHER EMAIL OR TELL HER ON THE PHONE ALL SHE ASKS OF ME.

I HOPE AND PRAY WITH ALL MY BEING THAT THEY WILL CHOOSE TO HELP ME FIND THE ANSWERS I SO SORELY NEED IN ORDER TO FIND SOME FORM OF CLOSURE AND FINALLY GET ON THAT HEALING PATH. THEN I WILL HAVE KEPT MY PROMISE TO ALEX MAKING CERTAIN HE RECEIVES EARTHLY JUSTICE. THIS COULD VERY WELL LEAD TO FREEDOM. PLEASE CLICK BELOW TO VIEW IMAGE I SELECTED ...

FREEDOM!

MUCH THANKS AND MY UNDYING GRATITUDE TO ALL HERE AT LS FOR YOUR PRAYERS, FOR CARING SO MUCH AND FOR ALL YOUR HUGE SUPPORT! MANY COMFORTING HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR FUR AND FEATHER KIDS!!!

ALWAYS,
Dottie xoxoxox

Very interesting Dottie, never heard of him myself, but you got a response back, seems promising. I hope find what you are looking for and find the help you need. You so much deserve that. Big HUGS to you..Ann
Just a thought: have you ever looked into presenting your case to a college or university so the students studying law might look into it. I read a story a while back about a college student who
cracked a murder case that was 25 years old. Just a thought..

THANK YOU ANN. HUGS!!! I DID GET A RESPONSE BACK FROM ALISSA 5/17/2009 11:31:06 AM Pacific Daylight Time.

Here is a small snippet: "I received your emails! I am going to look through everything and talk to my producer and see if there is anything we can do to help you out. I want to warn you though that we are now approaching our last week of taping for the season. The show will start taping again in about a month and a half so even if we cannot get to your story this week, I will make sure to keep your information on record so it can be picked back up after our hiatus. I will still do my best to see if there is anything we can do ..."

So, they are interested and do want to help me. Bless them!


MY GOSH, ANN. THAT NEVER EVEN CROSSED MY MIND. THANK YOU!!! YES, I WILL MOST CERTAINLY LOOK INTO THAT.

BIG HUGS!!!

ALWAYS,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest Alex, you may or may not have heard this song before because it's one of the songs from the musical "West Side Story." I know I watched that movie when you were here so perhaps you were watching and listening with me. Oh, so very many movies we watched together, Sweet Baby Boy. I wish I knew the name of the man singing in this video. Such an awesome voice and he puts so much feeling into the lyrics. How wonderful!

You know what, Alex? The very first time I heard this song was at the end of another movie I saw when I was just a kid. Great movie, too. But, I'm pretty certain you and I never saw that movie together.

Anyway, this song came to my mind when I wished with all my heart to express my feelings to you today. So, I searched and searched for the perfect video. Oh My Gosh! You will love the brilliance and magnificence of this outdoor scenic journey put together so perfectly with red hearts at the bottom and subliminal arrows which shoot across each frame from left to right.

I think Bubba would love this too since the arrows look just like shooting stars. In fact, I did indeed believe they were shooting stars at first. Wow! Those opaque, whitish arrows point and move to the right in each and every breathtaking, real life, outdoor scene. Do you know what that means, Alex?
It means the Future ...

It means that Somehow, Someday, Somewhere we will indeed be Reunited on That One Sweet Day my Most Beloved Cherished Feather Child Alex! Please Believe your Mama. Okay? Okay! I Love You! Kisses!!!

Please Click on the Quaker Parrot to View and Hear

"Somewhere A Place For Us"

There's a Place for us.
Somewhere a Place for us.
Peace and Quiet and Open Air
Wait for us
Somewhere ...

There's a Time for us.
Someday a Time for us.
Time Together with Time spare,
Time to Learn, Time to Care!
Someday!

Somewhere! We'll find a new way of Living.
We'll find a way of Forgiving.
Somewhere . . .

There's a Place for us,
A Time and Place for us.
Hold My Hand and We're halfway There.
Hold My Hand and I'll Take You There!
Somehow ...
Someday ...
Somewhere!

Unable to sleep, I was just now browsing YouTube videos and this is the third one I watched and heard. It's only 1 minute and 5 seconds long, instumental so there are no lyrics and is titled, "I Miss Your Voice." The video had not received any ratings nor comments so, of course, I gave it a 5 star Awesome rating and left the following comment ...

"OMG! This is positively Awesome!!! I post many poems and videos to Lightening Strike Pet Loss Support message board for my Precious Angel Feather Child Alex. How coincidental that you chose the image of a bird for this haunting, lovely melody. It expresses Alex to a tee as well as exactly how I feel. I'm so glad that I happened upon your video. Then again, is there really such a thing as coincidences? Food for thought.

God Bless!!!

Always,
Angel xoxoxox"


And now, the video for those who are able to view.



Many Comforting Hugs to Each and Every One of You!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

My gosh. I find myself very haunted and perhaps disturbed by that video. So, I went back and made another comment. Unfortunately, you're very limited as to how much you can say in one comment so I used phrases and still didn't say all I wished to express. Well, now there are two comments and they're both from me. The second comment I made utilizing phrases is as follows ...

"Hi, I'm back. This video is very symbolic and interpretation is left to the viewer. No beak so no voice. First starts slowly flapping wings. To get attention? It doesn't work. Then the bird dances frantically holding that exclamation point as if to say, "Hear Me!" But, hear what? A cry for help? A pretty melody? Finally, musical notes flow silently from the exclamation point. First soft colors but the last 2 notes are red then blue. I get it!

An award winning film!

Always,
Angel xoxoxox"

It's me talking again. I sure do hope and pray that I can get that "short film" out of my mind. It's just that I really do see my Most Cherished Feather Child Alex when I view or even think about that video. Is Alex really murdered or is he somewhere crying out to me, "Mama! Mama! What are you doin'?! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Then he cried when he was sad or depressed. Yes, he said all of the above and cried making sounds just like a human as tears roll down his sweet face ...

This is torture to me. I ... Am ... Serious. This gawd awful guilt, pain, grief, horror and devastation is flooding right back into every corpuscle, neuron, cell, DNA strand and gene of my body ...

I could have stopped any and all of this from happening! Look up "moron" in the dictionary and you'll find my photograph. Alex, I am so sorry! Please forgive me! God, please forgive me! Please, what happened to my Precious Baby Boy?

Okay ... Gonna go and try to calm down before I have the big time stroke. After all, I do have unfinished business. Yes, I was an imbecile. Still, Alex was betrayed (as well as myself) by those having authority and management of this home association.

Alex, you will have earthly Justice!!! I promise you!!!

I Love You And Miss You Sooooo Much!!!

Eternally, Your Loving Mama Dottie xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

PS. To anyone who may be reading this: Thank you very much for allowing me to vent.
I'll be fine so please don't fret. Honest. Hugs!

Hi Precious Angel Alex! Guess what? Your Mama actually got some sleep last night after four days of not even a nap. About five to six hours of full, uninterrupted sleep. Woo Hoo! There's a very important message I want to give you today, my Sweet Angel. Yep, it's in song but I already knew the song I wished to tell you. It took going through several videos because the messages on the one I finally chose appear on each awesome, breathtaking scene. Oh, Alex. I sure do wish you could read but I imagine that would have been either impossible or have taken me far too many hours each day to teach you. Besides, I'll bet my eye tooth you wouldn't have shown any interest in learning to read. LOL! Then again, I could very well be wrong because you sure did pick up a lot on your own from observing other people, the TV, computer and so much more. Little Baby boy, you were Amazing! Astonishing! Astounding! I am so Very Blessed to have been your Mama!

Well, I know you've never heard this song before and I just know you'll love it! I hope you also love the images I chose as they do fit this song so well accompanying each and every message and as well as the lyrics on all the magnificent photos throughout this film. Most Cherished Feather Clild Alex, Enjoy and Celebrate!

SWEET MARY, MOTHER OF GOD, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH MORE PAIN, GRIEF, HORROR, GUILT AND DEVASTATION I WILL BE HUMANLY CAPABLE OF BEARING BEFORE THE GUYS WITH WHITE COATS AND STRAIGHT JACKETS PUMP ME FULL OF ESKALITH AND HALL ME OFF TO THAT PADDED CELL. I ... AM ... SERIOUS.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I AM SO GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR ALL HERE AT LS WHOSE SUPPORT, LOVE, KINDNESS, COMPASSION AND GENTLE GUIDING HAND SERVE AS MY BEACON OF HOPE FOR A BETTER DAY. I'M ALSO TRULY AMAZED AT HOW I'M ABLE TO PUT ON THAT HAPPY FACE. ANGELS REALLY DO BREATHE!!! WHATEVER WOULD I DO WITHOUT ALL THESE ANGELS YOU'VE SENT TO ME?

I AM SO VERY BLESSED!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!

MOST BELOVED ANGEL FEATHER CHILD ALEX, PLEASE NEVER FORGET THE FOLLOWING ...



I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!

OODLES AND BOODLES OF BIG BIRDIE KISSES TO YOU, PRECIOUS BABY BOY ALEX!!!!!

ETERNALLY, YOUR LOVING MAMA DOTTIE xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dearest baby boy Alex, damn those three monsters to Hades for all eternity and longer. I pray with all my soul that God will forgive me feeling this way and I sure do greatly fear my just punishment from Him when that time comes. Please forgive me, God!

This is so terrifying to me since I have never in my life come this close to hating anyone and oh, what has been done to me in the past on several occasions is positively unspeakable. Word to your mama. It's just that this time, it was done to you, Precious Alex. So very loving, compassionate, trusting with such a kind and gentle mind. You did not deserve what was done to you! You did not!

I cannot even begin to express with mere words how gawd awful terrible I feel that I didn't stop this all from happening. Please forgive me my Darling, Immortal Beloved Feather Child!

God's many Blessings to all of you and your Most Cherished Fur and Feather Babies.

I Wish you Peace!!!

MY MOST PRECIOUS FEATHER CHILD ALEX. LOOK WHAT I FOUND ...

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"I Am Your Angel!"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Alex, I Shall Love You Eternally"

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&...mp;aq=f&oq=
FIRST ROW FIRST IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"God Bless You Most Abundantly"

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&...mp;aq=f&oq=
FIRST ROW FIRST IMAGE
LOOK WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Always Your Loving Mama Dottie ..."

THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE, TOO
A GLITTER CHILD FAIRY PETTING A BUNNY
"Dottie xoxoxox"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
FIRST ROW SECOND IMAGE OF THE RAINBOW BRIDGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie ..."

AND THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
ANIMATED GOLD ORCHID AND BUTTERFLY
"Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie ..."

OH MY GOSH!!!
http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=80&ndsp=20
THE ANGEL IMAGE I MADE END INSERTED TEXT
"Alex, I Shall Love You Eternally"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...mp;aq=f&oq=
OH MY GOSH! ALL 5 PAGES!
LOTS OF LS PEOPLE HERE.
BUDDY DOG AND STYX KITTY, TOO.

SEE YOU THERE SWEET BABY BOY ALEX. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!



ALWAYS, YOUR LOVING MAMA, DOTTIE xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Hi Dottie, I still can't view the videos, but know in my heart how touching they are. I was reading your last few post to and about Alex. I'm crying right now typing this. Not really sure what to say to make you feel any better except you can't blame yourself for what happened, you just can't. I hope and pray with all my might you find the answers and get the justice your looking for. Hugs to you and Alex....Ann

{{{{{{{Ann}}}}}}} Thank you so very much for your kindness and concern. Hugs!!!



Lotsa Love,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Dottie

I'm so sorry to see the pain you are in.

But you were and are NOT either an imbecile or a moron. HOW could you have known? You couldn't have. What those people did was cold and heartless, and we expect better than that from most humans. That's like me thinking I was a dope for buying into x-h's "nurturing behaviour" when I realize in fact he should have received an Academy Award for his persuasive acting performance. You trusted these people, and they betrayed you. Trust is a good thing, betrayal is not. That's like that fateful day that Ziggy went just outside the door and was shot. Who would expect these actions from humans, who we would expect to behave somewhat like ourselves? You could never do this to someone, so you don't expect someone else to do it to you or to your pets. This was NOT your fault. You had absolutely no idea this would happen. There were morons and imbeciles involved, but trust me, you were not one of them.

Alex would not want you to take on this burden, so for his sake, please take care of you. I know the pain can be sooo intense that sometimes it feels too much. But it will pass and there will be better days. Don't get me wrong, you will never forget Alex, and he will never forget you. It drives me nuts when I talk about x-h's daughter and how bad I feel about what's happened to her through her dad's choices and people say stuff like: "You need to let go." I don't WANT to let go. I spent 3 years trying to bond with her, and I actually DO care what happens to her, even though she hates me guts. Letting go is not an option. For me it is about surviving in the best way possible. Knowing the injustice, knowing the betrayal, knowing the harm and the loss of trust etc etc etc - this was NOT your fault. For me it is about how can I make the most of the rest of my earth experience knowing all these things are true. You are bonded and connected forever, regardless of whether Alex is here on the earth plane or has passed to spirit. Alex knows you love him and would never do this to him. I believe that animals are much more psychic than we are and they sense feelings and intentions much better than we do.

Interestingly my dog Chance, once got aggressive towards x-h. This was sometime late fall or winter in 2007. It was seemingly out of the blue. The weird thing is that I dreamt about Chance being aggressive to someone just before this happened. At the time I didn't understand why he did this. Now I think Chance sensed things going on with x-h, that I didn't. x-h said at the counselling session (the one and only session, where he broke up with me) that his feelings for me had started to change after his heart operation. (Actually he said "we" were drifting apart, but funnily enough forgot to mention that to me as he carried on with his stellar "nurturing husband" performance.) But when I think about it, it was after that time that Chance got out of the blue growly and snappish with him. Chance never really respected x-h and I sensed a competitive feeling. But now I think Chance was picking up x-h's energy towards me! Animals are experts at reading energy - they are natural psychics.

So the only thing I can offer you, is that whatever thoughts you send to Alex, know that they are heard, if not by Alex in the physical form, by his soul. I think of this with my Zita who went missing. I've been thinking about her a lot since Zeus had the blockage. For some reason Zita never has shown up in my dreams. I've had 2 dreams of Ziggy, lots of my old Merlin, but Zita for some reason hasn't shown up. I still miss her, always will.

I know your heart is broken and I deeply empathize. I've had some really low days and in those moments I try to play music I like and just focus on breathing. Just breathing in and out and letting my mind be blank. In some ways this state puts me into an "I don't give a sh*t about anything" state of mind, but in that state I actually then realize that if nothing matters that much, then why not try everything and do everything? Then if it *does* make a difference, well who knows. I don't mean trying to resolve what happened to Alex. You can only do so much with that without going crazy. - I know because I'm dealing with a separation agreement and I could let the whole process destroy me if I didn't give myself ample time to "not" deal with it. I'd actually rather do my weeding and my book-keeping, or pick up the dog poo outside. There are way more things I'd rather do than have to deal with x-h. So sometimes I just don't deal with it. I give myself permission to take a break.

This grief thing, especially when accompanied by betrayal is so, so difficult.

Here are some links I found for myself last night, maybe they'll help you:

I know you practice EFT sometimes so here is one...

EFT for betrayal

Here is another I found:

Self Help Energy Techniques for Betrayal

Take care Dottie and keep in touch!

I'm sorry for not being there for you more as you've so often been such a great source of encouragement for me.

Sending you much love and healing....

Jan.

Dearest baby boy Angel Alex, I simply cannot turn off my PC and lie down before I let you know that come what may, I will Love you until my dying day.

Many Big Birdie Kisses to you, my Precious Angel Feather Child!!!

{{{{{Jan}}}}} Thank you so much for sharing, comforting me and providing those links. Bless you!!! Here's my response and it goes out to both you and Alex. You've seen and heard Josh Groban sing this but I don't know if you've heard Celtic Woman perform You Raise Me Up. It is awesome and look at all those birds in flight along with the other magnificent scenes. The three Roses in the video are for you. Hugs!!!

Please Click on the Glittering Gold Heart



"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and oh my soul so weary.
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence.
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life ... No life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when you come and I am filled with wonder.
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up ... To more than I can be.



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Wow Dottie

That is a beautiful rendition of the song. Since my computer got a virus lots of my music is scrambled so I'm looking forward to getting things set up again and this song with be on the list of "inspirational songs". Thank you!

Also here is a song for you (it will be on the "inspirational songs" list for me too!)

It's called "Just for Now by Imogen Heap"

Just for Now - Imogen Heap

I hope it gives you the same hope that it does me...

Jan.

{{{{{Jan}}}}} That is awesome! Hugs!!! Right back atcha and this is to both you and Alex. I love it so very much and hope you will, too.

"Just a Bird"

From time to time people tell me, "Lighten up. It's just a bird." Or, "That's a lot of money for just a bird."

They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a bird."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a bird."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a bird." But, I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a bird" and in those days of darkness the gentle touch of "just a bird" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you too think it's "just a bird,"
Then you will probably understand phases like:
"Just a friend, "
"Just a sunrise, "
Or "Just a promise."

"Just a bird" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a bird" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a bird," I will rise early and look longingly to the future.

So, for me and folks like me it's not "just a bird" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a bird" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a bird." But, it is the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a bird," just smile because they ...

... "just don't understand."



author unknown

truly inspiring Dottie thank you so much
elaine

You're very welcome, Elaine and Blessings. Ya know, you can take out the word/species "bird" and replace it with doggie, kitty, bunny, rat, iguana, goldfish and so on. It's the same and I feel your own loss so acutely. I sure wish I could tell you when you'll start to begin to see the light of hope at the end of the tunnel. However, as you know, it's different for each of us and there are many, many reasons for that ...

I don't know if you've done much research or reading in the "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles." There's a wealth of information there. I'll give you a few direct links to specific posted articles and Websites in that part of LS Support board which validate all you're experiencing and will hopefully guide you to a healing path. This way you don't have to hunt them up ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4893

'Light A Candle' Online - It Is Free Please Read And I Send Love To All
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4662

A Place For Us - Why They're Not Really "Gone" - By Terri Onorato
(Then click on "A Place For Us" once you've click this link.)
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5237

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4814

The following are not in that area, but in case you have small children or know people who are suffering a terrible fur kid loss who do have children, you can share this very helpful information with them ...

Children and Pet Loss
http://www.aplb.org/services/children.html

Explaining Pet Loss to Children: Six Do's and Don'ts
http://www.petplace.com/dogs/explaining-pe...n-ts/page1.aspx
(REMEMBER TO CLICK ON PAGE TWO AT THE BOTTOM)

Helping Children Deal with the Loss of a Pet
http://vetmedicine.about.com/od/lossandgri...LossAndKids.htm
(REMEMBER TO CLICK ON PAGE TWO AT THE BOTTOM)

Sweet Elaine, perhaps you're familiar with a song called Mr. Bojangles. It's a pretty happy song but I always cry so hard when it gets to this part: "He told me of the time he worked with Minstrel shows traveling throughout the South. He spoke with tears of fifteen years how his dog and he ... They would travel about. But his dog up and died. He up and died. And after twenty years he still grieved."

We dearly love each and every fur and feather kid with which we've been blessed. It's just that one always leaves far deeper footprints in our hearts. The first link above that I provided to you will explain why this is so.

Please know you and your precious Angel fur child remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I Wish You Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

That line has always gripped me since I was a kid. Hey!! were back ...........at least for now.......What's shakin'...........Bubba.........

more tears so beautiful, i've always cried @ that exact part in the song, & until u put the words up here, I had purposely not thought of that song, tho now i've read them i hve a completely different way to feel when I hear that song,
I will check out the websites thx so much Dottie
elaine

HI BUBBA! I'VE MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH! HOW'S CHILLY GIRL DOING? AND LILY? AS FOR ME, I DON'T WANNA SAY WHAT'S SHAKIN' CUZ YA KNOW HOW I CANNOT BEAR TO BE PITIED. OH, I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT BUT OTHERS READ HERE, TOO. JUST TAKE IT AS A CLUE THAT I'M STILL TYPING WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY. HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY. MORE DEVELOPMENT'S HAPPENING ALSO ... BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS.

DONTCHA JUST LOVE HOW EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING? YEAH RIGHT, AND MY ARSE IS A BANJO. WELL, AT LEAST I WEAR MY HAPPY FACE AND YOU SURE KNOW HOW THAT GOES. BARRRUUUMMMPPP PUM! *GRIN*

BIG HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU, YOUR DEAR WIFE, LILY, CHILLY AND, OF COURSE WILLY!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

EDIT: HEY BUBBA, I ALMOST FORGOT. THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU AND DO SO HOPE IT BRINGS YOU AT LEAST SOME SMALL COMFORT AS IT DOES FOR ME. PLEASE SEE MY POST #320 ON PAGE 16 OF THIS THREAD. IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU AND WILLY.
I EVEN MENTIONED YOUR NAME WHEN WRITING TO ALEX AS YOU'LL SEE. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU, YOUR SWEET WIFE, LILY, CHILLY AND OF COURSE WILLY REMAIN IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, BUBBA!!! NEVER FORGET THAT OR "I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL HURT YOU!" THAT'S A LINE THAT BILLY CRYSTAL KEEPS REPEATING IN A SUPER FUNNY COMEDY SKIT AND I LOVE IT. I THOUGHT I'D BETTER TELL YOU SO YOU WON'T WORRY ABOUT ME HUNTING YOU DOWN AND SMACKING YOU SILLY. SO FRET NOT, MY DEAR PAL. LOL. MORE HUGS!!!

{{{{{ELAINE}}}}} HERE YA GO >>> AND THERE'S PLENTY MORE TO GO AROUND, HON. I SO WISH THAT I COULD REACH THROUGH THIS PC MONITOR TO HUG YOU AND WE COULD CRY TOGETHER. PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK TO SHARE WHENEVER YOU'RE ABLE.

IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO SPILL YOUR GUTS WHEN YOU'RE CRYING SO HARD THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE KEY PAD TO TYPE. BUT, YA JUST GOTTA GET IT OUT AND YOU'VE FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE TO EXPRESS YOUR PALPABLE PAIN. PLEASE KNOW WE ALL CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE EXPERIENCING. IF WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO OFFER SOME SMALL COMFORT, PLEASE KNOW THAT WE HEAR YOU. WE FEEL YOU. AND WE CARE, DEAR ONE.

SO, TALK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT ANY TEARS, FEARS, DEVASTATION BECAUSE IT SURE HELPS TO GET OUT THOSE GAWD AWFUL FEELINGS ESPECIALLY TO THOSE WHO EMPATHIZE ... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, ELAINE!

MANY BIG COMFORTING HUGS!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

thru my tears Dottie

thankyou

AWWW OF COURSE, ELAINE. MANY TIGHT COMFORTING HUGS, DEAR ONE!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

Hi you-
All the kids are fine thankfully.Chilly had what we hope is the last of some medical.When we adopted the previous owner had a stack of med bill receipts of all kinds of surgeries and procedures.The previous owner(the one who rescued her from a trailer park in the ghetto portion of the town I live in,had to give her up as he lost his job,had to move to another state to stay with relatives.He was devastated in having to give her up.) she is sweet like Willy was (lily is also a sweetie.She is still young and has a little princess thing goin on.As my Mom used to say"Fulla piss and vinegar") Chilly has an area on top of Her head that smells like purple grape juice.The only other bully I have ever noticed that on was Willy.Kinda weird.She also does a few things like only he could.Sometimes i swear when i'm hugging her I can feel like I'm with Willy again.July 3rd was the 10th month of Willy passing.The sadness is the same.

remember that guy John I asked about a while back? long story short he made a fool of me in the professional circles we travel in.like my Mom I tend to help people right away when they need help.I helped this dude with something awhile back then sort of played me for a fool after.I have to be vague sorry.in short this guy is an asshole.i have bad thoughts about him and I don't like myself for it.frankly,I think i tend to want to please people like my mom but that is changing.

sounds like your healing process is taking awhile.You are developing one helluva right hand though(See,no pity.pity is for sissies,and baby one thing you and me aint are sissies.)
I'll check out # 320

"My arse is a banjo" that is one of the funniest lines I have ever heard.I'm gonna steal it!!!!!!


catch up witcha soon Miss Dottie..................The Bub Dude..............remember 'Bub' on 'My Three Sons"?

HI BUBBA. SO SORRY TO BE THIS LATE IN GETTING BACK TO YOU. WOW, I DIDN'T REALIZE THE WHOLE STORY ABOUT CHILLY'S RESCUE. HOW DEAR OF THE PREVIOUS OWNER TO HAVE RESCUED HER FROM THAT GOSH AWFUL PLACE AND DO ALL HE POSSIBLY COULD TO GET HER THE MEDICAL HELP SHE SO SORELY NEEDED. I'LL BET IT BROKE HIS HEART INDEED WHEN HE HAD TO GIVE HER UP AFTER HE LOST HIS JOB. DARN GOOD THING THAT YOU AND YOUR DEAR WIFE CAME ALONG. WHAT A GOD SEND FOR YOU, THE PREVIOUS OWNER AND OF COURSE CHILLY DOG. HUGS!!!

HOW WONDERFUL THAT CHILLY IS SWEET LIKE WILLY AND HAS THAT AREA ON TOP OF HER HEAD THAT SMELLS LIKE GRAPE JUICE JUST LIKE WILLY. I REMEMBER YOU SAYING THAT BEFORE A COUPLE TIMES SO IT MUST MEAN A WHOLE LOT TO YOU. STILL, SORTA BITTERSWEET SO TO SPEAK CUZ I SEE YOUR PAIN OF WILLY'S LOSS AIN'T GOT ANY BETTER. I HEAR YOU THERE, MY FRIEND. JULY 3RD WAS THE 10 MONTH MARK OF WILLY CROSSING OVER TO THE RAINBOW BRIDGE AND THESE ANNIVERSARIES ARE HELL. I FEEL VERY CONCERNED FOR YOU WHEN IT COMES TO THAT ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY. PLEASE KNOW YOU'RE IN MY PRAYERS. IT IS GREAT TO HEAR HOW WELL LILY IS DOING AND CHILLY MAY JUST BE PLAYING A PART IN THAT. BUT, I'LL BET YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT.

I SURE DO REMEMBER ABOUT THE JOHN W FELLOW. DO YOU RECALL I TOLD YOU THAT ALL I COULD SEE WAS A TALL, QUIET MAN WHO IS GOOD AND THAT I FELT THAT I WAS PROBABLY CHANNELING JOHN WAYNE? LOOKS LIKE I WAS RIGHT. ARG. I'M SO SORRY HE PLAYED YOU FOR A FOOL BUT YOU GOTTA STOP BEING SO NICE. YEAHHH RIGHTTT. JUST LIKE I GOTTA STOP BEING SO NICE. HEY, THAT'S HOW WE ARE, WHAT WE DO AND "PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL. THEY'LL USE YOU AND ABUSE YOU. THEY'LL TAKE YOUR SOUL IF YOU LET THEM. JUST DON'T YOU LET THEM." YOU KNOW WHAT SONG THAT'S FROM. RIGHT? BUBBA, YOU STAY JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! AS FOR THE JOHN W GUY: "INSTANT KARMA'S GONNA GET HIM." YOU BETCHA.

OH, I JUST LOVE SOME OF THE EXPRESSIONS I'VE PICKED UP HERE AND THERE. "YEAH RIGHT AND MY A$$ IS A BANJO" IS ONE OF MY FAVS. LOL! ANOTHER ONE IS TO RESPOND TO SOMEONE USING AN INTERESTED EXPRESSION AS YOU SAY "TRY TO IMAGINE" ... THEN SHORT PAUSE. CHANGE YOUR FACE AND BODY LANGUAGE AND FINISH ... "HOW LITTLE I CARE." OMG I AM SO BAD! HAHAHA!!!

WELL, I'VE BEEN FEELING PRETTY GOSH DARNED UPSET AND I SUPPOSE ONE COULD SAY ANGRY FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. ON JULY 8TH, I CALLED THE NONEMERGENCY POLICE TO GO AHEAD AND FILE FORMAL CHARGES AGAINST THOSE THREE ARSES FOR STEALING MY HOME BLIND, STEALING MY PETS AND TRYING TO HAVE MY DOG AND CAT KILLED AND GAWD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THEY DID TO ALEX. THE FIRST FEMALE OFFICER WAS KIND. SHE TRANSFERRED ME TO A SECOND FEMALE OFFICER WHO WAS VERY UNKIND. LONG STORY SHORT, I FINALLY TOLD THAT SECOND PMS COP, "SO LET ME SEE IF I'M HEARING YOU CORRECTLY. IT'S OKAY THAT THOSE THREE TRESPASSED UNWELCOME INSIDE MY HOME STOLE OVER $12,000 OF STUFF AND I CAUGHT THEM IN THE ACT, COMMITTED SEVERAL MISDEMEANORS, AT LEAST 1 FELONY, COMMITTED ANIMAL ABUSE ..." I WENT ON AND ON. HER REPLY WAS SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF ... "YEP."

HEY, I HAD GONE INTO BIG TIME DETAIL WITH THAT COP HOW THE THREE KNEW WHERE I WAS STAYING DURING THE HOUSE TENTING, HAD MY CONTACT NUMBERS, THE HOTEL WAS LESS THAN 15 MINUTES AWAY SO ONE OF THEM COULD EASILY DRIVE OVER TO SEE ME REAL FAST AND NICO DID JUST THAT ON OCT 12TH WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE FIRST TIME I EVER MET HIM IN PERSON. ANYWAY, IT'S MY HOME AND MY RESPONSIBILITY TO REMOVE ANY FOOD STUFF BEFORE HASKELL FUMIGATION COMPANY WOULD LET ME BACK INSIDE ... IF THAT'S EVEN TRUE. DANG, THEY STOLE TONS OF STUFF WHICH IS NOT FOOD RELATED IN THE LEAST.

LIKE I SAID, I FEEL TICKED OFF GOOD AND PROPER SO AM NOT GIVING UP. THEY WILL PAY DEARLY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO MY FUR AND FEATHER KIDS. TOO BAD I GOTTA PLAY THE HOUSE ROBBERY CARD CUZ THAT'S JUST STUFF AND I DON'T CARE. ANY PORT IN A STORM THOUGH. HEH. PLUS, I GOT A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER DIRT ON NICO PAVAN AND JULIA GALPIN SO I'LL USE THAT, TOO. AS DAVID BANNER CALMLY SAYS IN THE OLD INCREDIBLE HULK TV SERIES, "DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY. YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY." I LOVE THAT ONE, TOO.

HERE I GO ...



THAT'LL LEARN 'EM DERN EM. DANG SKIPPY.

TAKE CARE, BUBBA. KEEP ME POSTED WHEN YOU'RE ABLE AND I'LL DO THE SAME. BIG HUGS TO YOU, YOUR DEAR WIFE, CHILLY, LILY AND OF COURSE WILLY!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

PS. BUBBA, YA EVER SEEN A WET BULLDOG SHAKING OFF WATER ...

IN SLOW MOTION ... SO KEWL!!! PLEASE CLICK ON THE PHOTO ...



I LOVE IT!!! MORE HUGS TO ALL YOUZE GUYZE!!!

My Dearest Baby Boy Alex,

It's been a while since I spoke with you here. But, I think about you so much that I sometimes forget to breathe. Looking up into the beautiful night sky takes on a whole new meaning since you crossed over. Please don't think of the sky as sadness, sorrow or grief because it is blue. Give that lovely color a whole new different meaning ...

Blue, to me, is not cold, distant or uncaring. Blue is floating, unrestrained and without fear ... Reaching for the sky and beyond ... Stretching unbridled to gently pluck from the Heavens the furthest star. Feel the blue of its brilliance. Feel the blue!

Alex, you are that one, unique, brilliant star that keeps burning so brightly!


And, you'd best believe I'll continue to "tell your story" so others will know how amazing you were in all you said and did. My hope and prayer is that everyone I speak with and share things about you ... That they will tell a friend then their friend will tell someone else who in turn will tell others so you will be spoken of fondly, lovingly and humorously for ages to come as your "story" passes from one generation to the next for all time!

I do listen and can hear you call out across the clear blue night sky. Oh, how I pray that others can hear you too, my most Cherished, Immortal Beloved Feather Child.

Sweet Alex, you can always reach out and touch me. I know in my heart and soul you'll always be with me until eternity passes away. Please know that I'll never leave you either. Time can indeed be transcended and you're always here with me!

I Love You And Miss You So Much!!!





Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie xoxoxoxoxox

soooo beautiful

{{{{{ELAINE}}}}} Thank you so very much!!! The part I wrote about feeling the blue is an exert from one of the many poems which I compose. I feel so honored that it touched your heart!!!



Many Comforting Hugs and Angels to You and your Precious Fur Child!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

No, I haven't forgotten you, Sweet Baby Boy Alex. How could I? It just ain't possible. Well, from where you are, you know that I've been here many times to read and try to post words of comfort to others. But, as the song goes, "The Tears Get In My Way." And, I start to ... You know ...

Very soon, I'll be fostering a baby green cheeked conure (or green cheek conure - both are correct) who needs my care. Perhaps you'll pay a visit and give me a hand ... Or foot ...

Oh Gawd, so much more I want to say. I just can't. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Alex!

Here, I made this and some other images just for you, Precious Alex. Of course, anyone here please feel free to use any images I make and post. Put them anywhere you wish. That honors both me and Alex and I'm sure he'd make his "Happy Sounds" for all to hear if he were able. I hope you like this one, my Beloved Feather Child.



See the bird at the bottom of the stairway to The Rainbow Bridge? I brought you another future friend, my baby boy. And, at the top of the stairs, I put golden, shimmering Angel's wings with our two hearts together as we shall be on That One Sweet Day.

I Love You and Miss You So Much!!!
You know you are and will always be my Mostest Bestest Friend Ever!

Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dear Dottie,

Thank you for the wonderful pictures of Patches and for the candles you lit for him. I am sure he and Alex are enjoying themselves in heaven together especially with Alex riding on Patches back while walking with Jesus in paradise. They will be friends forever and enjoying eachothers company.

God Bless You Always,

James-Patches Dad