Just because he makes nasty remarks does not make them true. I've learned to blow off other people's ignornace. You only have control over your own behavior and any remarks you may make back. Taking the higher road leads to much more desirable places in life.

Thanks for your PM about Tracy. I did forward to her what you said. She and I went out for a very long walk tonight with another neighbor and all of our four legged friends. Great medicine for ALL of us! It's feels so good to feel Spring in the air and be able to get out and socialize more.

Take care and we'll talk soon.

Huggers,
Beth

Happy Friday to you Jan!! How was your weekend away? How are you doing?

~NM

My Zeus cat, the other one in the picture, next to Zita, is in emergency surgery this morning for a urinary blockage. It is apparently looking very serious and there could be kidney damage. He seemed fine up until last night when he threw up late evening. He ate his meals yesterday and he harrassed me for food like normal. I hadn't noticed that he'd stopped peeing or was having any difficulty, and the litter box has pee in it...

Please pray for my Zeusy.

Jan.

Hi Nemo's Mom

Sorry I missed your note. The weekend away was good despite all the new developments with my poor Zeus!

Will keep you up to date. I hope I can pick him up from the vet clinic Saturday. I can't visit him tomorrow because it's a holiday... so frustrating.

Hope you are well.

take care

Jan.

Dear Jan, I join you all in prayers and positive waves for Zeus, may he be already so much better and will come back to you in no time at all, all healed, that it be a good omen that the blockage(and isn't life blocking you from everywhere) will have been done with and that things will flow smoothly from now on.

Sometimes, life talks to us in the strangest of ways. I shall always remain impressed by people like you who won't let themselves be put down by opposition, it means they have a lot of strength, therefore all the power. Let me tell you the very real story of one farmer who was going through a tough series of hardship, everything wrong was happening to him and he and his wife were so discouraged, ready to give up.
"When affairs at the farm were at their lowest ebb, Michael and Dorothea took a walk into their fields. Michael had lost his will to fight and Dorothea was discouraged. It was at that moment, when both were absorbed in thought, that he was gored by one of his bulls. The horns that he had deliberately left on his cows gave him a huge gash and caused him to spend over one week in intensive care.
The bull that gored Michael Schmidt carried the most important message of all:that his only hope was to fight back."
http://www.realmilk.com/real-milk-canada.html
Don't give up sweet Jan, the reason why there is so much opposition is that you are gathering power. More power to you Jan and may your power already have healed Zeus. May you have succeeded in liberating your power and that things are as of now, back to normal. Take care and know we are rooting for you.

Wow, thanks Toonie. I do wonder if there is some sort of bigger shift in my life right now, and maybe in the lives of others, testing me to live fully with a spiritual focus or just die of despair. I have to say this recent incident with Zeus was so unexpected and I almost feel like I am in autopilot, or survival mode. I think Zeus will be okay, I really am praying he does not have any long term problems from this.

It's funny, but someone said to me yesterday that sometimes animals take on disease when things going on in families are toxic. I don't know if that's what happened to Zeus, I do know Zita had crystals too and had to eat special food, so the two were genetically inclined to crystals. I don't know that animals always take on our "stuff" but they are very sensitive.

I was doing a meditation on Monday night and saw a vivid picture of a white owl. I wonder now if that was a warning about Zeus since some people say the white owl is to do with death and transition. I thought that I saw in that vision was more to do with strength and wisdom. I don't want to be fearful, that never helps, but I really don't want to lose my Zeus either. I can't believe the losses of the past couple of years... Merlin, Tiffany, Zita, Ziggy, Rosie, Ellie... and what I thought was my family to boot. I think when you lose everything that you think is "yours", you do get closer to Spirit, God, whatever you want to call higher energy. It is how you survive.

Strangely since x-h left, I feel much less insecure than ever before about whether there is a "man" in my life. I thought I had that - a permanent partner who cared, and was protective of me. On the contrary I'm now finding myself protecting myself against him. So life is kind of an illusion based on what we believe at the moment.

I am pretty worn out though, finally spring is here and I am having a huge allergic reaction to the pollens - tired and sniffly all the time. I hope this too will pass as the components of my life become more gentle and my body doesn't need to be in "defense" mode.

Thank you also for the link you sent. Yes, people can be inspiring - what they do against all odds. That impresses me. It is so easy to get worn down and give up, but then what do we achieve...?

I do know that support is the best way to get through any crisis, and you, and all the others here at LS have helped me in ways that I can't even verbalize. It makes me cry.

So thanks for your thoughts Toonie and it means a lot to me that you are there.

Jan.

On another note.

I feel nauseous. x-h is now flaunting a new girlfriend. He said in January:

"Yes I still mourn for (his previous wife)...If you knew the depth of feeling I had for her after such a long relationship you may understand.I will never get over it. Trying to live with the deep loneliness is a spiritual journey I have to make and be here for (sd) at the same time. I have my own painful truth which runs deep to he bottom of my soul."

I guess he just needed an extra couple of months to get over this deep grief running to the bottom of his soul?

I am so sick and discouraged with the cruelty of humans and the willingness to fulfill the ego at all costs.

How much can a person take, really?

Someone tell me that life will get brighter soon. I am very, very tired...

Jan.

Dear Jan, I know how awful you must be feeling, you have to toughen up, become hard about your men, I am thinking of the song One monkey don,t stop no show. The first version dates back to the sixties, by the Animals, I've always sung that to myself whenever certain men annoy me and it 'works' for me, up to this day! May I offer you the links to these in the hopes that this is how you will come to view your own no longer all that special monkey

Get your headphones on and imagine you are in a British pub for that one:

One monkey don't stop no show:
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/One...8256C46001465D2




Then there's that same attitude but this time it's a woman saying it:

My baby thought I was jivin'
And he went right out the door.
He left me about three in the morning.
I got me a man at four.
Some women cry when their men bleed them
Dry, long and slow,
But I found out somethin' a long time ago.

One monkey don't stop no show.
One monkey don't stop no show.
So if he gets too big for his pants
You better spring that new one and give him a chance.

I used to be chicken hearted;
Cry when he'd walk out the door,
'cause I was just young and stupid.
Ha! ain't like that no more.
'cause I had a hard way to go,
But I learned the score.
And I'm here to tell you,
And I should know,

One monkey don't stop no show.
One monkey don't stop no show.
And let him do anything he choose.
There's a million men who can fill his shoes.

One monkey don't stop no show.
One monkey don't stop no show.
One monkey don't stop no show.
You can tell him I told you so.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/one-monkey-dont...tte-midler.html


Sing that mantra to yourself, hum it to yourself when he parades for you, and you will soon see that it is the whole truth.. Hang on to what counts: your loved ones in furry or human kind of your present now and your future, made special by you.
With all your potential, I'm certain that things will soon have changed and you will love that new life of yours, I am also certain there will be a better and greater love than the fake/for show one you have known. Positive of the positive waves, that's how sure I am about you.

Thank you Toonie. I'm really hurting today. I know that x-h was a fake, and that I was fooled by him. I also don't envy the new Trophy Woman in his life. But I am disillusioned with humans. It reminds me of Ziggy's shooter, just throw shots out and let the creature writhe in pain. Some people are like that. They don't have empathy, and they don't care what they do as long as in the moment it "feels good" on some level.

I really believe the world of spirit is an easier place than this physical world where we live.

I have not been depressed during these last few months because I just needed to survive. I am really fighting that all encompassing depressive state right now. I don't want to go there, but the pain has been very intense and I really do wonder particularly about men in our society. A friend of mine was saying that many men are "like this". Is that really true? If it is, why are women accepting this from them? I have no doubt the new girlfriend has absolutely no idea what's really gone on. He lied to someone and said that I knew for six months that we were breaking up before he left in December. That was an utter and complete fabrication. His ego knows no bounds. Still he can go on hurting people, and there is sd, right smack in the middle of it all, learning from his example. I have no doubt the new girlfriend will not go over well with her either.

But I do wonder, when I've really tried to do good in my life, why I continue to go through so much pain... I am really ready for a change.

I would rather be alone than end up with another person so separate and disconnected from the whole.... I had been so sure when I married x-h that he was a spiritual, caring person. I really hope there are such men in the world.

Jan.

I know how you feel, I have been there and can assure you that the human world is still a beautiful place (although you get better guarantees with pets!) There are good men and bad men, same goes for women and most of us lie somewhere in between the two extremes. You don't need to look to meet someone, when it happens it just happens. And life is such that even if you were already with a perfect OH you'd still eventually have to come to the realization that :No matter what, you're on your own. Basically Jan, married or single, whatever no one will ever answer our own needs like we only can, and should and hopefully do. So help yourself to the best of life's little essentials for now and embrace it because inevitably, the frills of sharing will come along, how is what none of us knows for now but good stuff like that happens, for sure. I am feeling very positive for you. So first and foremost, be good to yourself Jan, each of us, we're on our own on this planet, but we're readily here for you too, as well as the spirits of our pets, we will all see you through

It's good to hear you say you feel positive for me, I really need to hear that right now.

Yes, it's funny because I thought I had a man who suited my life perfectly. I thought he was kind, supportive etc. When my reality of the situation came to light and my illusion was shattered, I look back and realize, it was I who was creating most of the order, care and balance in my own life. I had continued an active life with many friends and hobbies and it was the "belief" that I was supported (which I was not) that carried me through. So what that must mean is that this "belief" is created in our own conscience, and it was me supporting myself, not x-h, since he didn't have the capability to do that. Maybe if we can release fear and believe we are loved, then we never feel lonely. I don't see that anything in my life could be entirely solved by a partner - that would just be a nice way of companionship and sharing. My own state of mind is what creates my well being. So it is important that I look after me, and that I realize that x-h is a man who is living in a dark place of ego. I can wish him growth and learning, but I can't make him go that route. It is only me who can take that path. I would like if I can somehow influence many other paths so that people see that choosing a path of caring for others is the one that gives us the most rewards, and not the path of separateness and ego. That is what I would like to do somehow. If I can ever get through this difficult bit!

thanks again Toonie for being there for me.

Jan.

Hello all.

I need angels and prayers and strength and love sent my way.... so I'm requesting this from you here at the forum.

I feel like I've been living in a war zone, but I keep trying to rebound, and tonight I have to rise up and face another challenge. I am going to a meeting this evening, that I have started sometimes chairing. At the meeting will be x-h, and ta dah... his new "gf"....! I was physically nauseous when I heard that he is announcing her as the gf, though not a bit surprised. (He gave me that sob story about never getting over his wife who died - that he would never have a deep relationship because that pain ran to the "bottom of (his) soul")

Anyway, I am leading a meditation. For all the women, and animals that have been used and abused in this world I want to be an example of integrity and strength - with everything ripped away, what do I have to lose? I hope to be surrounded by angels, by loving energy and to have strength, confidence, protection and love!

I do not want to let this pain drag me down anymore. I want to be strong and resilient and I want to rise up high above the ugliness!

Please send your positive thoughts and prayers!!

Jan

Well I did it.

In front of x-h and his girlfriend (or latest playtoy you could say), and sd, I led a meditation for peace. I said: "You may have noticed that there is a shift happening in our world right now. Many people are experiencing challenges financially and personally. But there is always a choice in which pathway to take - there is the pathway of fear, or the pathway of love. You can strip everything of a person, but you can't take away someone's integrity or their soul. Our bodies are just temporary accommodation and what's important is our soul growth."

Then I led a meditation about healing the world.

For all the animals in the world that have been abused or hurt, for all the children, women and (even yes) men who have been betrayed or or deceived - this is to them! May I always be stronger than I feel, may I always use difficulty and pain to rise up and gain courage and wisdom....

To Ziggy! And all the suffering she was subjected to, this is for you dear little one.

Jan.

What a beautiful picture and how it tells that you were so loved by Ziggy, that look that is loving you right back for who you are. You carried it off perfectly Jan, I'm so proud of your loving integrity. You showed your soul, you were honest and straighforward and loving at the same time. I join you in your prayers to heal the world. And I leave you with this thought.




Hang in there, you are worth gold and you will know what better is once you reach it.

That is such a beautiful picture of Ziggy!

I'm so proud of you that were able to get up in front of them both and lead that meditation. That took some REAL courage! Bravo!!!!!! And your words rang so true! Maybe that made your x-h stop and think about things. I am sure you touched many lives last night. Your sunshine soul shines through it all.......

Lots and lots of hugs to you!
~NM

Yes, my sweet Ziggy, one day she will come back to me either in this life or after... so special..

Thank you for your support. That quote really made me stop to think. I will cut and paste that quote. Both sd and x-h have demonized me, want to see me hurting, and I don't know why... but I hope my own truth shines through and your quote gives me hope.

thanks, thanks and thanks.

Jan.

Thanks and hugs back! It was a message for everyone but especially for x-h and sd. I do hope they learn whatever they need to learn to start caring about what they do to people in the world and the impact of their actions.

There is a saying that someone mentioned in a workshop awhile back: "None of us are healed until all of us are healed."

Here is something that really inspired me this evening.

I hope you enjoy it too, if you haven't already seen it.

Susan Boyle I Dreamed a Dream

Hi all

I hope all's well. My computer had a virus and I'm still unscrambling everything.

Zeus had a check up last week and he still has crystals. He'll be on the medicated diet another 5 weeks, then he can't be on it anymore. I need to get him to drink more water. I give his food like cereal and give him lots of the wet stuff (he prefers the dry).

I talked to my vet at length about foods and I've decided based on what she said to stick with the medicated diet since he needs absolutely to get rid of the crystals in his system.

He and I have got very close, since this episode. Zeus was always the quiet boy - Zita and Ziggy stole the show when they were alive. He's been very cuddly. He cuddled right up to my head a few nights ago and proceeded to clean both my eyebrows then my entire forehead and nose. It was so endearing I just couldn't tell him that his bristly tongue felt very scratchy on my skin. (I think I have red marks, but they are marks of love!)

I thank Spirit for my pets. Things have got more ridiculous with x-h (suddenly he's saying that we "mutually decided to divorce in the fall", I'm not sure if there's a legal reason or if he's just lied about it to his new girlfriend or sd or what), and he suddenly can't remember vast sums of money that I gave him to pay off his car. I received a very ugly threatening email from him and had to check into my rights about restraining orders etc. I honestly don't know who this man is, but he is not the man I thought I married. BTW after I did my presentation at that meeting he has not come back. It's a relief but he has burned so many bridges with his behaviour, I just don't understand him, and it's very tragic to watch even with the hurt he has caused. His blatant hand-holding with the new woman did not impress anyone. Some people there didn't even know we had broken up!

If Toonie is reading - here is another dream for interpretation. I dreamt that x-h was with Rosie's dead body and there were insects and flies on her. X-h was agitated and saying they shouldn't be there. I said that it was natural and that's just what happens.

Maybe it has to do with how x-h has run from dealing with grief and would rather believe that everything is just fine, even when it clearly is not. I don't like the bugs, but I accept them and face them....

Someday this difficult period will make sense to me.

I am very happy to say that the sun is finally here and the flowers smell lovely and the bleak winter finally ended. Wow, what a journey. It's not over yet, but I've survived it all so far. Even now, I still can't totally process what x-h did. It has been a major reality shift.

There are some things I think I will have to grieve later on, because it seems I just can't even think about things like Ellie leaving, or Rosie's passing. The last several months have just been one big black hole of grief, and someday I hope I will have more faith again in the human race.

I'm wishing everyone well and thinking of all of you who have so kindly posted to me over the last many months.

sending my love your way.

Jan.

Hi Jan, Right back at you!... Yes, someday, probably when you least expect it, something will click, and you'll realize that this whole mess happened for a reason....I hope coming here to LS this past year has eased some of your pain. Just knowing you have someplace to go to..and vent.. We all need that from time to time. ..Zeus will be ok..My Piper only drinks from cups and glasses..I leave cups of water all over the house, perhaps you can try that. I read about this once somewhere, has something to do with there whiskers. Don't know but, hey as long as they drink. As for xh, very immature and insecure, plain and simple..Thanks for the update...Hang in there...Hugs..Ann

Hi Ann - do you use short cups or glasses for Piper. I need to try this as Zeus just plain does not drink enough water. He won't drink from a dripping tap, the only way I've been able to get him to drink is to always put water in his food and give him snacks through the day.

Yes LS has been a tremendous help to me. I am so grateful that you have all been here for me.

The stuff with x-h still hurts deeply. I gave of myself fully and he spat it all back in my face, and more. I do not understand why he enjoys causing me pain, or is just so altogether cut off that he is able to erase any feelings about me as he has done.

take care

Jan.

Hi Jan, I understand how you feel about hx. I had one of those about 10yrs ago. He did exactaly what you described. You know the whole give part and spit in the face. we worked together too. Total mess. I told him at the begining if anything happens we have to remain civil because we have to work together. WRONG. I think the worst part was how he ignored me. Total imaturity.
Anyways, as for the cups, it's mostly regular 9oz plastic cups. Funny she never did this until she came to live with us. (she was my brother's family cat). try glasses too, just fill it to the top.
My Daisy years ago never drank much and got a bladder infection, so I gave her a lot of milk even though it's not good for them. She needed some fluids.

Not to be funny, but do you think Zeus will drink out of the toilet? Arthur did it all the time. Must be the cool water. How about putting ice cubes in a small bowl of water. Or just put one out see if he licks at it.
Good luck and thanks for the response on my post. I was doing something on the table today and brought little Dave the fish over so he could watch. I'm so bad. I have to email the lady who is fostering Bumbles and Crash and get some info. I think Dave is still interested. Fingers crossed...Ann

At the beginning of this thread you said that 17 year old Rosie was a big part of your ex's life with his wife who died. You thought he had been running from the feelings of grief and still was. I think that the dream tells you nothing has changed and it should bring you confidence that right from the beginning (of this end) you were much more in touch with reality than he was/is. That means you are so together compared to him, you are fully in charge of your life. Glad to see that you are holding the fort so well Jan, life will reward you, trust that it will, it will, for sure. Love to hear from you and many high regards, love, Toonie

JAN, PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. I'M TYPING WITH ONE HAND AND IT'S MUCH EASIER FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

DEAREST JAN, PLEASE KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR MESSAGES HERE AND FEEL SO GAWD AWFUL ABOUT ALL YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. OF COURSE YOU REMAIN IN MY DAILY PRAYERS FOR STRENGTH TO BATTLE ALL THESE STORMS. YOU'RE A WONDERFUL, LOVING, SWEET, DEAR, COMPASSIONATE LADY!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE ALL THAT'S HAPPENED AND STILL HAPPENING TO YOU! IT'S BAD ENOUGH TRYING TO COPE WITH ALL YOUR FUR BABY TRAGEDIES, BUT YOU'VE GOT THAT MAN YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW SO WELL AND NOW TURNS OUT TO BE NOT THE MAN YOU THOUGHT HE WAS. I'VE READ ALL YOU'VE SHARED THAT HE'S PUT YOU THROUGH AND GOSH DANG IT, WHAT A DETRIMENT TO ALL OTHER THINGS YOU'RE EXPERIENCING INSTEAD OF THE PERSON ONE WOULD THINK OUGHT TO BE YOUR BEACON OF HOPE, COMFORT AND LOVE.

I WANT SO MUCH TO REACH INTO MY PC MONITOR, PUT MY ARM AROUND YOUR SHOULDER, WEEP WITH YOU AND GIVE YOU MANY COMFORTING HUGS! I'D SHARE WITH YOU SEVERAL THINGS THAT MY FIRST HUSBAND DID TO ME. SUCH A FINE, HONEST AND DECENT MAN, TOO. BUT, IT WOULD ONLY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A MORON FOR HAVING BEEN SO TOLERANT, KIND, LOVING, CARING AND EVEN SO NAIVE NOT TO HAVE LEFT HIM SOONER THAN I DID. HEY, I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID SO DO FORGIVE BOTH HIM AND MYSELF AND WE PARTED MOST AMICABLY.

MY SECOND HUSBAND DIED AND I GRIEVED TERRIBLY FOR PRACTICALLY A FULL YEAR UNTIL ONE DAY WHEN I ASKED MYSELF THESE QUESTIONS: WHY THE HELL AM I CARRYING ON CRYING MY EYES OUT SO BADLY FOR THIS MAN WHO WAS HORRIBLY ABUSIVE TO ME AND OTHERS? WHO ALMOST KILLED ME THAT ONE TIME IN HIS FIT OF DRUNKEN RAGE WHEN I HAD DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT TO RESCUE MY SWEET AKITA DOGGIE JEBU FROM SIMON HANGING HIM? (IT'S TRUE AND I KID YOU NOT.) IN ADDITION HE, WELL, LET'S JUST SAY HE WAS "INDISCREET WITH ANYONE WEARING A SKIRT" THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS MARRIED TO HIM. AT THAT POINT I DID BID FAREWELL TO SORROW REGARDING THAT BABOON'S BUTT. HE DIED JUST AS VIOLENTLY AS HE HAD LIVED. KARMA CAN BE A REAL BIOTCH, EH?

I AM SO VERY BLESSED THAT KENNY CAME INTO MY LIFE, WAS THE MOST LOVING, CARING, COMPASSIONATE, THOUGHTFUL, SUPPORTIVE MAN THAT HE WAS. GOD BROKE THE MOLD WHEN HE MADE KENNY. IT'S SO COMFORTING TO ME THAT HE DIED PEACEFULLY IN HIS SLEEP AFTER HAVING GONE TO BED HAPPY, SEEMINGLY HEALTHY WITH NO LITTLE TO NO KNOWLEDGE THAT THERE WAS EVEN ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL. JAN, ANGELS DO BREATHE! AND I GRIEVED A SURPRISINGLY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME AFTER WHICH I ONLY HAD AND STILL HAVE THE FONDEST MEMORIES OF THAT MAN WHO WALKED ON WATER.

I WISH, WISH, WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO TO TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR PAIN, DEAR ONE. TRULY I DO ...

JAN, I WISH YOU PEACE!!!

MUCH LOVE,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

Oh Ann - that is so sweet about the fish! You are such a loving pet owner!! I do hope you get your special kitty, actually I hope you get several! They deserve you.

Zeus just doesn't drink much. I don't see him drink anything really except when I give him the water in his food. I tried a small cup, but he wasn't interested.

I wonder if milk is bad for crystals? I'm pretty sure he'd drink that. I feel like he really has to drink more. I keep telling him and telling him, but he just looks at me and doesn't drink except what I put in his food. Lately he's started to try to just fish the food out so he doesn't have to drink all of that either.

Oh my Zeusy boy, what's with him?

I'm crossing my fingers with you about the kitties!!!

love Jan.

Thanks Toonie - your interpretations seem right on to me and I knew you'd be able to make sense of it!

I think there might be even more grief than the wife who died. Who knows what underlies his behaviour or what may have happened in the past. I looked back on my dream journal and I had many dreams about him where he was wearing a mask, some dreams were actually pretty scary. One was about two men wearing masks. There was a statue of a beast-like creature joined to the wall. The one man said to the other, "if you break it, it might manifest", but the man broke it regardless, and turned into the beast. It gets even more grotesque. Then the beast-man turned on the other and ate him, starting with his head. I knew in the dream this beast was a danger to all that he came across and would be loose in society.

It's funny, but this dream happened way before I knew x-h had thoughts of leaving me and before Ziggy died. I know the beast creature represents him, but not sure if the other man who warned him represents me? Or possibly his daughter. The men had a criminal, evil feel to them. Maybe two sides of x-h even... don't know but the masks came up continually in dreams. I'm writing about these dreams now, and it's very interesting when I read the common threads of my dreams that happened even before I knew x-h was going to bolt.

Thanks Toonie. I've been reading several dream books, and am starting to "get" them a lot quicker. I personally believe dreams are messages from God/Spirit/Source/the Universe or whatever you want to call it.

Jan.

Dottie, what a beautiful letter.

I'm sorry I haven't followed your thread too much lately, I spend less and less time at the computer as I try to sort out my actual life...! I will go check on you very soon but it's late now and I really should get some sleep, so not tonight.

But I so appreciate what you've said to me and what you've shared. And thanks for the empathy, yes I thought he would be my beacon of hope, comfort and love - what a disappointment! That's an understatement. And I accept gratefully your hug through the computer.

I had to laugh about the karma bit and the descriptive prose. haha. You are right that it all comes back, eventually. I believe if not in this life, then the next. You know it's weird, and maybe - if you have any desire to - you could tune into this yourself, tell me if I'm wrong... but I just get a "feeling" x-h is in for some serious health problems. He had a stent operation (major artery to the heart clogged 95%).

He said at the counselling session that it was after this operation that "we" started to "drift apart". Well that was news to me. That operation had happened in fall of 2007, and he never said a word about this "drifting". There is something more there I think... don't know exactly what, but the mask he wears and the recent blatant lying.. well I just don't get it. I don't understand lying anyway or hiding things from people you supposedly love. "The truth shall set you free." But I do believe in the laws of cause and effect, and personal responsiblity. You can't escape yourself no matter how fast or far you run!

And what a blessing that you met Kenny. These special angels in our lives remind us that people do care and have compassion. I was so fooled with x-h, I just wonder why... but he played his role very well, and my vision is now much sharper.

Thank you for your words of hope and empathy - sending you a big huge hug back!!

much love Jan.

Hi Jan,

I haven't read all that's been happening for you - there's been alot. Hugs to you.

I was thinking of you - as this is our 52 week anniversay today and 12 months tomorrow for Ziggy and Mage.

I know people say and I've said it before, to be kind to yourself, but I seem to not be too easy on myself. I hope you are easier on you. May you continue on your quest for healing and violence prevention.

Ziggy is so precious in that photo.

Missing our beautiful ones.

Wendi.

Hello all

I have not been here forever! Because life does carry on.... Everyone here has been so important to my healing process with so many losses all at once. So thank you for "being there".

My divorce will be final on April 11th. I managed to stay on my farm. There's a new man in my life now. Zeus is doing well and the other pets are just fine. And me I'm fine too! I mentioned awhile back in my posts that I was going to write a book, well that's what I'm doing.

I'm in a contest too, and I'm requesting votes from anyone who'd like to support my project.

I have created a book pitch in video format. You can view it and vote (if you feel inclined to do so!) at: http://www.NextTopAuthor.com/?aid=202 You have to input your email address to vote but you don't end up on a spam list by doing that. The only update they might send is for the next session of voting and you can unsubscribe from that if you don't want to know.

I'd love to make it to the next phase of voting so if you do like my book pitch, feel free to pass it on to others. (Winner gets a publishing contract from Hampton Roads Publishing.)

Take care and love to all.

Hope everyone's hearts are healing....

Jan