I would like to thank to all of you that take their time to read my notes but now espacially to "goliath" "LoveThem" "myhrtisbrkn" and also "jillster" for you kind words and understanding my pain and desperation.
As you know we Buster and I are alone here in St Louis from New York but before that we were in Miami Florida where he was born 11 years ago. I lost my other half in the North Twin Tower in 9/11 and Buster was at the time about 4 years old and since that age we have been together every since. I have been trying to picture my self all alone {what will I do then?] and for more that I think I have no aswer to that.
Another thing that really bodersme is when the time comes to say goodbye [will I be able to stay with him while is leaving me?] I don't think I will be able to do so, even if afterwards I feel my self as a coward and that I deserted him but I think I will prefer not to have my last vision of him dying I just want to see him and remember him alive always. Sorry had to stop for a few minutes becouse It really breaks me into pieces to see him trying to get rid of something that he thinks is on top of his nose with his two front pads not realizing it's the tumors inside bodering him, then I hugged and told him that I wish I could take those tumors off of him with my own hands and that if I could I would but I can't and told him that I am so so very sorry and he looked at me like it was understanding what I was saying to him, am crying now, bye for now and don't forget about me please, I need you.