Hi Bubba. I broke down all you said and put numbers by each thought or paragraph in this quote from you so I can respond to each by the numbers I've assigned them. I hope that makes sense. First your quote as I just described then my response using the corresponding numbers in your quote. Here goes ...



Me: 1. Bubba, I also get that feeling. On one occasion early on after Alex was gone, I clearly heard his voice say "Hello" out of nowhere when I wasn't even thinking about him. It was his greeting tone of voice and not his trying to get attention tone of voice saying, "Hello." Wait! I talk about it in the Cyber Shoulder forum where I began a thread titled: "Strange Occurrences From Angelcareone." Here's the direct link ...

Strange Occurrences From Angelcareone

There you can read about my prophetic dream which I had about 3 days before I ever even heard from Julia Galpin who I had not met yet, not spoken to yet ... About Nico Pavan who is the ring leader ... But the part about Ida is vague or absent.

The next post in that same thread is about the light fixture occurrence right over my head here at my PC which happened on the evening of 10/23/07.

The next post is about me hearing Alex saying, "Hello!"

Bubba, wherever Alex is, our bond is so strong that I truly feel he was trying to get some kind of message to me. Dead or alive ... He was trying to tell me something. You'll see it there in those posts. I pray he keeps trying. I'm paying attention.

Me: 2. Unfortunately, my online cop friend lives in Georgia. He's not close at all to where I live so can't do anything but I sure know he would if he were local. Dang Skippy! He has advised me regarding my brother Frank whose been missing for ... Gosh, I do believe it's been about 5 years now. Bubba, Frank is dead. No worries, I'm okay and always was okay with that since I did everything in my power to find him for years using police, private investigator, a volunteer with a dog who searches for live people and cadavers ... And so on. Long story, but I've always been okay about Frankie being dead but sure wish we could find a body and give him a proper burial. Anyway, I digress.
Carl can't help me but ...

Me: 3. Me thinks it's time for physical persuasion. I won't say anything more than that. Not here anyway. Thanks, Bubba!

Me: 4. Exactly!!!

Me: 5. Once again, exactly!!!

Me: 6. Also exactly!!! Errr ... Pee break for me, too. BRB ... Okay, I hummed the theme from Jeopardy and am back, too.

Me: 7. OMG! Yes!!! I will even do that sleep thing for practically 2 weeks. Only getting up to take care of Buddy dog, Styx kitty, go to the bathroom and maybe eat and drink a tiny bit until the approximate two weeks are done and I come back to try facing reality again. Ya know those times when I've not been here for about two weeks or so? That's why. Except for this last time when my computer went corrupt. That was different. But ...

Yes!!! I know just what you're talking about, Bubba. At least being in the situation I'm in allows me about 2 weeks of collapse into sleep whereas you can't afford to do that long of time. I may be way out in left field, but I'll bet you'd love it if you could take that one and a half or two week collapse into sleep the way I do at those times. Yes!!! I get you!!!

Me: 8. Bubba, the acting thing? I believe we both could win an Oscar for our stellar performances of "behaving" normally and/or even putting on those happy faces, voices and overall "ain't nothin' wrong" appearances. I kid you not. As for the silent scream, do you mean something like this ...

Click Here for Silent Scream

Some time ago, I made that image to go along with some articles I posted in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here at LS. See the caption I chose to make for it? See how I cropped off the two shadowed figures in the distance in order to make it show one person all alone? Compare to the original ...

Click Here for original "The Scream"

Bubba, these articles may really help you a whole lot from all you're saying. Here's the direct link ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane

Take a look when you've got some time. You won't regret it! And ... Yes!!! Now you know that I feel you, understand and I'm the same way, too. Why else would I have chosen "The Scream" image on September 14, 2008 to go along with that article? Once again ... Exactly!!!

Me: 9. Again Yes!!! I explain in my thread how I could not speak, wouldn't answer the door, the phone, no one!!! Finally my best friend neighbor Ginger ... (Who was my first and best friend here with along her significant other Bill ... I met them 20 years ago and ... Bill died a few years back ... But Ginger moved just a couple or three months ago all to get away from that Monster Nico Pavan! Grrr! I miss her!!!) ...

Anyway, Ginger came down, pounded on my door, I opened it, she said I had to answer my phone! I have to call my brother Tony! She said more. I said nothing. With her still outside my door and me with the door open, she continued to give me very concerned heck, I still said nothing, held one hand on the door and the other on the door frame looking something like someone being crucified ... I just nodded yes and slowly went to the floor still with my left hand on the door and my right hand on the door frame. Ginger still giving me concerned heck, I nodded from the floor and closed the door on her ...

I dialed Tony's number and said, "I'm alive and okay. Don't call the police to check on me." That's all I could say. Tony was all animated saying how he was getting a huge commission from the sale of a building, going to get an attorney for me ... I said, "Tony ... (pause) ... Go away!" He said he wouldn't and kept talking. Again, I tried my best to say what I wanted to tell him and began with, "Tony ..." I could say nothing but, after a pause ... "Go away!" I had never told Tony to go away. I had never been unable to speak with Tony ...

After a few more, "Tony ... (Pause) ... Go away!" ... Then he hung up and called Ginger back. My brother Tony told Ginger, "My sister is dying! She is dying because of this!" Yes, he knew that I very well likely was in the process of dying from grief. Tony reminded Ginger of all the times I had told him in the past, "No worries, Tony. No matter how bad things get and no matter what may come, I'll be fine as long as I have Alex. But, when Alex dies then I will die, too." Ginger then told Tony how I had at least one time shared with her that, "I cannot live without Alex." That was before all this crap happened. Ginger reminded me about that after my call to Tony and him calling her. She's the one who told me what Tony said to her when he called her.

But! I fought my way back! I had to make sure that Alex receives earthly justice for what was done to him ... And to Buddy dog and Styx kitty, too! As for Heavenly Justice? Well, that ain't my call but I'm sure God will see to it. Yeppers.

A 900 pound lion? Well, I ain't afraid of them. I can handle it if it's just one large wild lion or one large wild cougar. But a large wild tiger? I don't know if I'd be able to fend off one of those. Hope I don't ever need to find out. Oy.

So it was like that 900 pound lion was in your car with you while you were driving, Bubba? Hey, I know what you need. There's a bunch more but here's a compilation of a few and if ya wanna see the military one and/or others let me know. Take a look at just what you need for those times! Click below ...

Trunk Monkey

Yeah, we could all use a Trunk Monkey. Heck, I might even take up driving again!

As far as ... "But the specter is still around ... haunting ... Ghosts, devils, creepy thoughts don't scare me ... Bring em on ..." Bubba, I have those, too. They don't scare me one dang bit either. I don't know about you, but I can sometimes even see them. Demon bats (as I affectionately call them) and all sorts of creepy crawly things covering all the walls, ceiling, furniture, everywhere but not on me and not on Buddy dog and not on Styx kitty. Am I scared when I see them? No way. Ya know what? I find them fascinating. Truly, I do!

Ain't nothing like that can scare us after all the hell we've seen, heard, experienced both personally and through others. I'm talking about real life experiences we've seen, heard, more, more, more ... After all that? Ain't no ghosts, demons, creepy thoughts, or even creepy crawling critters gonna even make us bat an eye lash so bring 'em on! You bet!

Me: 10. That would be a very good idea to check your BP at those times, Bubba. Let me know. Okay? You gotta keep tabs on this stuff especially since you do have hypertension and take medicine for that. So, please check it and let me know.

Me: 11. Ya mean something like this? Click below for video but I'll print the lyrics ...

"They Can't Take That Away From Me!"

"They Can't Take That Away From Me!"

The way you wear your hat.
The way you sip your tea.
The memory of all that
Oh no! They can't take that away from me!

The way your smile just beams.
The way you sing off key.
The way you haunt my dreams.
No No! They can't take that away from me!

We may never never meet again . . .
On the bumpy road to love.
But I'll always always keep
The memory of . . .

The way you hold your knife.
The way we danced till three.
The way you changed my life.
No No! They can't take that away from me!

No! They can't take that away from me!

Me: 12. It helped tons, Bubba! Thanks so much! As far as John W.? I ain't getting nothing but a tall, quiet man who is good. He may be quiet but don't mess around with him, his loved ones, fur or feather kids and so on or he will smack you so hard that you'll end up in next week! Or maybe even the next millennium. Bubba, I'm pretty sure that I'm only getting images of the actor John Wayne. I'm sorry. I'll keep trying. I will.

Thanks again millions, my friend! Big Hugs!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'll get back to you, Furkidlets' Mom. Thanks and Hugs!!!

Furkidlets' Mom, I'm crying so hard. Must breathe ... Pausing ... Your poor budgie! And, you know! You know! Yes, Alex would cry, too. He even sounded like I did when I cried and learned to associate that sound with great sadness. You know and understand. Truly you do. Thank you for sharing your budgie experience with me. I'm so grateful!

Alex even cried and mourned for years after Cocoa kitty and Trader dog died. He'd call out their names, try to get them to speak with him then he'd just cry and cry as he called out their names. He'd only do one at a time though ... Either Cocoa or Trader ... Just one at a time ... Sometimes he'd either pretend they were there as he talked and laughed. Either he was pretending they were there or having good memories ... Or! They were there but only he knew. After all, animals do have that sixth sense.

Alex would cry if I was sad or ill and say, "Mama! Mama! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Then he'd cry out loud and ... After a short while, he'd do his best to cheer me up or make me feel better when I was sad or very ill. Kissing me, telling me how much he loved me ... More ... More ... So much more I want to say but mostly feel so grateful to you because you know. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

And, thank you for reassuring me that no! I did not make a mistake in over-bonding with Alex. Bless you! I will keep trying to reach him, Furkidlets' Mom. I will.

God Bless you and many Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie --------Great twisted minds think alike.
TRUNK MONKEY!!!!! Love IT!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like a hairy Buddy Rich.

Funny thing: John W. is tall and quiet.Seems ok . I just don't know him very well yet. Wonder if I can trust him and if he is a man of his word.Hope so.............
Talk a little later.........
Bubba...............

Hi Bubba, thinking about what you said about those P.A.s..I get them all the time. That's just due to my lifestyle. Long story won't go there. But I get them alot about losing Arthur too. Mostly it's because just about everyone I've told about him said I was crazy to let him out. And, I feel when they look at me they're thinking "she killed her cat, she let him out". Stupid, I know. It's not their thoughts, just mine, my guilt. Our loss has left such a vast hole in our world that it will take quite a bit of time fill. Alone you say, yep, me too, surrounded by people and no one there...I was talking about him with someone the other day, she lost a great pet too. The feeling I got was like the one I get coming here. Everything and everyone around me disappeared. She was the only person I've come in contact (outside of LS). that actually made me feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and tears and we both were shedding tears. (this a professional place we were in not a casual donut shop). For the first time, I didn't get all tensed up sharing my feelings like I do with everyone else, cuz deep down I know what they won't come out and tell me is that they really don't want to hear about it....Like you, I try hard to keep the Rainbow Bridge a reality, for really I'm not so sure if the soul really does linger or wishful thinking on the livings part.
I question god or the likes there of because of all the heartbreak for those who don't deserve it.
And also like you, I have a strong feeling our feathered friend Alex is still on this planet. Calling all phsycis, please help find him....take care.. Ann

Hi Ann-------The last thing my shrink did on our final session was put her index fingers on either side of her head to imply that the whole PA thing was in my head. And when I feel the aura of an attack coming on I remember that last session (and of course all the digging to the root of the PA's origins) and I have not had a full strength one since.
I haven't bothered to bring up Willy's passing to anyone outside of this forum in months.It is customized grief and not 'off the rack'. As my God thing seems to be perpetually in flux, and as I write this, it is at the place of: Yes there is a God and while He/She created us and hopefully loves us,This is a huge science experiment and was set up to be, as far as events and outcomes are concerened,entirely out of Gods hands thus cancelling the notion of divine intervention in the form of angels or an even stronger hand (read:God).
Hopefully the soul-reunion fantasy is as we envision it.Gary Kurz's "Cold Noses at The Pearly Gates" helps bolster the ultimate wish but requires a constant vigilant faith.A groove that frequently fills with mud...........
Peace Ann,
Bubba..........................

Hi Bubba and Ann. First to Bubba ... Yep, I sure do love that Trunk Monkey. OMG! He sure does look kind of like a hairy Buddy Rich. LOL! Anyway, we all could use a Trunk Monkey to take care of us at some time or another so I can't wait until we can all have one in the trunk of our cars.

Ann, since you can't view videos, the Trunk Monkey is a real live chimpanzee and you just push the Trunk Monkey button located on the dashboard of your car when you need him. No matter what the occasion, Trunk Monkey will take care of it for you. Hilarious!

Okay, Both Bubba and Ann. Ain't many shrinks out there can tell you what to do about panic attacks. That's a fact, Jack. They are hereditary in nature, kick in when you're about 21 years old give or take and are neurological in nature. My brother Tony has them and he's six years older than I am. His began when he was 21 years old. That poor man! It was gosh awful. Then, low and behold, out of nowhere I had my first panic attack when I was 21 years old. Whoa!!!

Here's what happens: Suddenly, the chemicals that control the primitive portion of your brain which is responsible for your "Fight or Flight" abilities or phenomenon ... Well, that area of the brain goes bonkers telling every sense in your body that you are in grave danger and facing immediate death if you don't do something to get the situation under control ... Sort of something the way one might feel if someone pulled out a gun, put it to your head and is about to pull the trigger. Other stuff goes haywire such as perceiving everything in your field of vision as 2 dimensional instead of how we really see which is 3 dimensional. It's sort of like being inside a bad painting. There's nowhere to run because when you do run, you perceive yourself to be still in the same place ... Therefore you stop and freeze up. Your heart rate goes up something fierce and your throat closes so you cannot swallow.

There are other physical changes that happen to your body during a true panic attack and most would be great if the danger were real. Nope. I could be petting my fur kid and reading Mother Goose nursery rhymes or otherwise very calm and serene then ... Boom! Out of completely nowhere, your brain does what I described. Sometimes during an attack, one will somewhat (or a whole lot) dissociate and float out of their bodies so to speak ... Feeling one has absolutely no control over anything or is about to lose control and will fear doing something stupid like taking over the controls while sitting by the pilot in a private airplane. This is not good especially when you have no idea how to fly the plane but do feel that need to get control which you've lost due to what your brain chemicals have done to your senses as I've described. That's only one example.

My attacks got worse and worse over 10 years with no one in the medical field being able to help me. Finally, my brother found a neurologist that specializes in this disorder. Yay! I was given a prescription for a small dose of Clonopin which is also known as Clonazepam in generic form. After the third day of taking them, those attacks stopped and I kid you not! I took them for about 3 months and felt I must be cured so decided to stop taking them. It was just 1 mg. three times a day which is very little. But, after I stopped the Clonopin then the panic attacks returned. Ut Oh. Back on the Clonopin for me and I still take them to this very day.

Hope I helped explain that for youze guyze a little better.

No, Bubba. Your shrink was wrong when she did what I call "the double temple squeeze" then implied it was all in your head cuz it ain't. It is a real neurological disorder. Word. Oh, there are those shrinks who will tell you to float with the attacks. Well, they ain't never had one. My saving grace was to always have an exit plan no matter where I was going. Bubba ... Or even Ann ... I can elaborate on that if you wish. My plan of escape always worked so I didn't find it necessary to exit or escape. Just knowing I could and how to do it was all that it took to keep the attack at a minimum. Let me know if either of you would care for any more specifics.

Bubba, so John W. is a tall and quiet man? Hmmm? I'll keep trying to zero in on him to see if he can be trusted. As I said before, I feel I was only getting images of John Wayne but there may be a good reason for that. I mean, why the heck would John Wayne suddenly pop into my head out of nowhere just by seeing John W.? There may or may not be a connection. I'll keep working on it. Okay?

Ann, you also have a strong feeling that Alex is on this planet? I need to do something! Many thanks to you both!!!

Big Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Dottie--------Interesting stuff.I think I had some version of what you described.Or still have.The reason I say still is while I had everything as far as symptoms and reactions as the above states, all of those out of control-can't function things ceased when I found out why the things that happened to me from the time I was 5 did in fact happen.I knew obviously they DID happen I just didn't know WHY they happened.Once I understood they ceased and they have not happened for 2 years now.The attacks were both physiological AND pyschological in my case.

HOWEVER

The feelings of impending doom can come outta nowhere and then I feel like I am about to have an episode.While it gets intense, it never goes outta control.I stopped the meds (15 mg valium 4x a day but I took alot more than that as I was way outta control.And also the highest dose prozac they make.Can't remember the strength.I was a scared freaked out zombie.) My case was solved in about 12 sessions.Threw all the meds out when I got home from the last session.Haven't had a pill since...........


NOT YET ANYWAY..........

CU soon...............Bubba.......


By the way, John W. isn't extremely quiet.I should say that he is a very good listener.Then he talks.............


yea,yea that's the ticket.............................

I read all you said, Bubba. Just like there's both situational and clinical types of depression, same goes for people who have panic attacks. You could have had (and still may have) one or both types at the same time. This is NOT a diagnosis cuz you know I can't do that. But, I sure am glad your figuring that stuff out helped you to some extent. However three things:

1. What idiot doctor put you on the highest strength of Prozac without weaning you up to that point? Rhetorical question and of course I don't expect an answer ...

2. And you were on FIFTEEN mg. of Valium FOUR times a day along with being on the strongest dose of Prozac? Very irresponsible and downright dangerous! That is, if I am hearing you correctly and that doctor just slapped them on you without gradually weaning you up to taking those strengths and that often ... No wonder you were a scared freaked out zombie!

3. Valium is a diazepam but Clonopin (also spelled Klonopin) is a benzodiazepine. It may react differently for you. I know that Valium (5 mg.) didn't help my panic attacks but the Clonopin sure did. Just a thought.

About John W. ... You stated, "I should say that he is a very good listener. Then he talks." That could be either a very good thing or a very bad thing ...

It's a good thing if it means he's interested, paying attention, hearing you out until you're done before he responds. It could be a bad thing if it means he is sizing you up while listening and at the same time deciding what he feels you probably want to hear as his response so feeds that to you. I hope I explained that well.

Hmmm? Let me turn off this PC for a while and try to zone in on him. Then again, I may need to actually see where you have typed "John W." on a post of yours here in order to get some more vibes. I ain't sure but will let you know. Take care and C U later ...

Big Hugs to You, Your Wife, Willy, Lily and all the Gang!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hey There---------I might have been a little out of the chronological order.Actually the pams andthe others were seperate now that i have thought it through.
1st was prozac.Nothing else and it started with 5mg then 10 then 20? and so on.It never actually never worked so then I was switched to a anti-psychotic drug(can't remember the name) THAT is when I became the zombie.Imagine being wired but so tired at the same time but could not sleep.That I curtailed myself after about 4 or 5 days.It was short lived.By the end of the prozac then pyscho era (6 7 weeks?not long) and NONE of it worked, was the time I was able to get an appointment with the shrink(actually a therapist) .The meds were given to me by a family doc.The doc found the therapist for me but I was still in need of a med of some kind to calm down so the doc started me on lorazapam.Nothing had an effect on me.
Lorazapam 5 10 20 whatever NOTHING.I could have got the same effect from gummie bears.I wore out the doc's pad.Nothing..........................then,

Valium but...........Nothing. 5 and then !0 TA DA!!!!!!!!! ( I thought it was 15 but my sweetie corrected me) I was allowed 4 per day but after 10 days it was a free for all .I have a VERY high tolerence to these things.So Vali 10 it was for about 3 months .Took during the period of my therapy and the therapy worked and I did a quick ween off of the vali and one day about 8 or nine days into the ween I said to myself "that is it" and I dumped the balance of them down the toilet and that was it.

I hope the order was better this time.I would say that I could never really be a pharm-head because the effect always seemed too groggy.

John and I have good conversations.I think he just waits his turn.I dunno.
C U later .............Bubba.

hi bubba! lookie at these. i love them so very much!!!!!!!!!! hope u love them, too ...

bulldog lovers ... yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lookie at the one wearing a tutu with the little girl in her tutu and one in baby chair type swing and ... all of them!!!!! song is so cute, too. sounds like chipmunks singing ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWP5-_bv7UE

oh my gosh bubba! sooooo kewl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basketball bulldogl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i luv the captions ... hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-ARc4H7QbM

Wullie Bullie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaDYeC6n42E

AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOO CUTEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRNDizsqJWU

ahhh! give that poor bullie the cookie for gosh sake! lol hehehe!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeBce7TBfd4

bubba? bullies don't like boxes??? i did not know that! hahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXi7hpwUMp0

this is soooooo humiliating!!!!! OMG!!! ROFL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GlajYA0Z9E

oh no! i cannot get my ball out of pool! arg!!! so i will bark at it!!! hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoK8h4JWP3M

they can jump over fences??? i did not know they can do that!!! wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVk4xcfKCFU

bad kitty - good bullie!!! lol!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeFwKNPN1p4

they luv to jump on trampolines???!!! omg!!!!! way kewl!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pcy_5H62d08

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdDPLxxQgRA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzB_kZXVRaU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiBzEYaB2Xc

Zzzzzzz and snoreeeee ... huh??? u woke me up!!! hehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5MNOU-ihgY

2 - b - continued ... seeya later dood ...

biggggg hugs to you and yours!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

edit: i see we are on a new page. plz see last post on page 13 first? k? k!

hi again, bubba. here are some more that make me smile so big!!!!!
i hope they make you smile, too ...

AWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXlTW2tW8k0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDDs4V7haR8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHWxjWwAbwM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuvxsUvnDKE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuDJaggwfqc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dVBE1Vy38k

ok - my finger is tired from typing so i will go watch some tv ...
hey! u will plz not 2 disturb me when i am watching this tv show. mmmkay? hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUCqcQdW3-Y

bye bye for now, bubba. biggggg hugs to you and yours!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

Hi Dottie-------Thanx for all the vids.It will take me a while to get through them.They are all great!!! Hope yer healin ok with your broken bones and all.Got a rescue Bully a few weeks ago.Was really abused.Her name is Chelsea but we usually call her Chilly.I hope some good news about Alex is on the way.Talk to ya soon,
Bubba................

Hey Bubba, Congrats on Chelsea!. Hope all works out welll. Looking forward to pictures..Ann

oh my gosh, bubba! so dear of u and ur sweet wife 2 rescue chelsea. i cannot wait 2 hear more about her. is truly a special place in Heaven for u and yours!

surgery 2 be soon if is not 2 late 4 them to do it. long story. oy. i am so glad u luv the vids cuz i luv them very much 2 u betcha!

will be back to talk more when am able. k? k!

biggggg hugs 2 you and yours!!!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

Indeed,we got some catchin up to do.have not been at LS much lately.Busy trying to keep up with life and bills.Get that ol arm fixed and we will shoot the breeze.Chelsea is a sweetie.Now that she is settling in,she is becoming very playful and is right at home.She has a spot on top of her head that smells like Willy's old spot.Same location same smell,like purple grape juice.Other likenesses as well.CU soon..............Bubba.........

oh so very wonderful bubba!!! and how does she get along with lily? spill it plz. wow!

biggggg hugs 2 u and yours!!!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

Hey Dottie--------Well Chelsea--a.k.a. 'Chilly', 'Chill' and a few more,is a rescue bully from a friend who manages these beautiful creatures.She was over-bred,physically abused,has a sunken face,TONS of skin issues,lots of facial hair loss,REALLY bad teeth,tumors on her mammary area, is healing on some digestive issues,and her bottom 4 teeth stick strait out like a FORK!Quite homely and we love her to bits.She will need some minor surgery with the tumors and while she is sedated she will have her teeth fixed.We have bonded of course so now I have two daughters.Lily is the little queen and shows her bossiness to Chilly off and on.But overall they get along and play real hard at times and basically do their bully thing.Chilly is a sweetie.
I will be keeping an eye out for your Alex and surgery postings...........God Bless,
Yer ol' pal Bubba..............

oh my gosh, bubba! she sure is lucky to have found you! Chilly has so very many health issues and ur taking care of every single one of them. she is sooooo happy that you chose to be her dad. i do believe i can safely say with utmost certainty that ur both a big time blessing to each other. you betcha! dang, i am so glad you found each other. i can hear, see and feel the love! i sure can. plz keep us updated about Chilly. k? k! you and your dear wife are wonderful people! oh, is so nice of Lily to be sociable, playful alpha doggie with Chilly. Awww! plz say more when u can. k? k!

big hugs to you and yours!!!

Yer ol' pal too, angel xoxoxox

Hey Bubba!

Congrats on Chelsea! That is wonderful!! I'm sure your dear Willy is looking down and is very, very proud!

Hugs
~NM

Hi Bubba

Sorry I missed all your January posts, I was pretty much in a fog in that time, but I do want to assure you about life after death. I wish I could show you all the proof I've seen. I am pretty skeptical in nature, but I have seen waaaay to much evidence that life just doesn't stop because our bodies die. Nor does life end for our fur or feathered friends. The physical body is impermanent, but our souls don't just disappear. I am so, so sure of this...! Now even so, of course we miss the physical presence of our loved ones - that is why I still feel grief about Ziggy and Zita. I miss them dearly. But in truth I believe they are in a more peaceful place than this world, right now. I miss them because I am selfish and I still want them for myself! I realize also that the love and nurturing I got from both cats was very real, whereas what I thought was going on in my human relationship was very false. I would rather love authentically and truthfully and receive that same love back - even with a creature whose time here is short - than have a relationship based on lies and ego. Our furfriends are so real and so full of gratitude for us, and love.

And congratulations on opening your heart to a new rescue Bully! What a lucky girl Chilly is! She will bring much love and many happy memories to your life. I hope she is able to trust again after her previous abuse. My Asha dog was isolated and mistreated, and she is still very shy, but she has a little fox grin that makes me laugh and laugh. She is a silly puppy, and always will be. Good luck with Chilly and let us know how she is doing.

Also, re: panic attacks, have you tried hypnotherapy? It's interesting what you can discover with the help of a qualified, sensitive and grounded hypnotherapist who knows what he or she is doing and that you feel you can really trust... going to that level of the mind that "knows all".

take care

Jan.

Hi Jan -------Yea,Chills is a sweetie.I think she makes a little more progress each day.Impermanence-------You can't name one thing,including the ground you stand on,that is permanent.............AH! so no-thing really is real..........
Bubba.........

Yes, change is the only reality - so let's ride the waves and have some fun!!!

Jan.

Bubba, that's so wonderful! Keep on keepin' on, dood.

Big Hugs to you and yours!!!

Yer 'ol Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

Glad to hear of your new addition, Bubba. It seems to help fill the holes of loss we go through when we lose a special one.

Hugs to both your sweethearts.
Judy

Congrats Bubba!!! Here's wishing you and Chelsea many wonderful fulfilling years together. There's nothing like the sound of paws pittepattering around again that brings so much joy and happiness into our hearts and homes.

Have fun,
Beth

Yep.

Five years ago today We lost our little bulldog girl, Gimme.Seven months ago this friday(the 3rd of april) my heart dog,Willy(aka 'Bubba") died of old age complications.On August 7th 2007 another baby bully(she was only six) had to be put down.Today it is all coming back in full force.
We now have Lily(just turned two) and Chelsea(aka 'Chilly').Chilly is a rescue bulldog and has a number of physical issues.Sometimes,she will look a certain way at me(she is sort of a tattered,beaten-up version of Willy.Among other things she appears to have been tortured and neglected and seriously over-bred) and she looks like Willy.Kind of eerie and comforting at the same time.

I love ALL my bullies dearly.Willy was the soulmate.Rags,a terrier of mixtures,my childhood pal,was the other soulmate from 40 years ago.
All the pain, ESPECIALLY of the loss of Willy,has come back and it seems new again.

jesus H. christ,I am sick of this F_UCKING PAIN!!!

Are we oddballs and quite eccentric or is this love we profess for our beloved non-human creatures just deeper than it is with 'normal' people?
'Normal' people have it made as they can lose a pet,soon get another and then.........'Move On'.......

Well,SCREW moving on I don't want to.............Shrinks would have a field day with my case............Screw them too!!!!!

Thank you all and especially the people who run this forum for allowing this moment of blather.............

I hope the "Bridge" is real.

Bubba................

Hi Bubba,

Thinking of you today and of Gimme, Willy, Rags, and your baby bully. I know today has to be a very hard day for you.

I think we love our pets so deeply because it seems to me that the love with share with them is just a very pure love. They don't have any of the human issues or baggage that comes along with human-to-human love. They just love, purely, unconditionally, and faithfully. When we have connected with another creature on that level, I think it's truly amazing. The people that just get another pet and don't think about it, didn't connect with their pet on that level. Which is sad, really. To know the pure love of these little angels on earth is one of the greatest experiences we have in this life. Our babies have no motives, greed, or alternate motives when they love us. It's just pure love, uncensored. It's extremely powerful.

I don't think we ever get over these losses, I think we just learn to live with them, our lives having changed forever.

I do TRULY believe we will see them again. I have had so much of what I believe where signs from my babies, and I believe that energy and spirit and consciousness survives after the physical body goes away. We will see them again. I think they can appear to us in different forms.

Here's to you and all your sweet Bullies and the terrier mix, may you be visited by sweet dreams of them with love.

HUGS
~NM

Hi NM----Man, that was beautifully put.You are quite thoughtful and I really am grateful for your kind words.I didn't think I could get through work today but I actually felt a little afterwards.I teach private music lessons and I guess helping someone else got me out of my 'self' and rather than taking I gave and maybe there is a healing component to that.I dunno.Seeing your words after arriving home a few moments ago was the balm I needed to round out and finish the day.I'll deal with tomorrow,tomorrow.
Thank you NM so much.I hope all is well with you.I'll check your thread.Take care,
Bubba...........

oh no, bubba! i did not know cuz i have not been here due to broken arm complications. i am so very, very sorry! please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. i have much to share cuz i got a "sign" about your new baby chilly just yesterday (friday april 24).
a really wonderful sign right in my back yard ... in real life. my jaw dropped big time. honest and for true.

i will do my best to type it out and tell you about my encounter with real doggie named chilly and i have great hope that it will cheer you up a bit and warm your heart.

biggggg comforting hugs to you and yours!!!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

ps. the doggie had tag with name, address and phone number. i have absolutely no idea how chilly doggie got inside my fence and was playing with my buddy dog when i went to let him back inside the house. couldn't read tag cuz of poor vision so had to take collar off and use 2 pair of glasses at same time to see. then i saw name on tag and thought of you!

oh, and the bridge is real! i cannot wait to tell you the rest. so sorry about this danged arm. arg.
more later and more comforting hugggggs!

one more quick thing, bubba. please never do this to your lily or chilly fur kids ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GlajYA0Z9E

how very humiliating! well, i hope that made you smile just a little bit and i know you're gonna do it to your fur kids now if you haven't already so let me know how it goes. k? k!

more biggggg comforting hugs to you and yours!!!

always,
dottie xoxoxox

Preface ...

Bubba, I am terribly sleep deprived but it's sooooo very, very, very, important that I tell you what I've composed so far. Please be aware that I will indeed be coming back to this message and edit it so I won't sound like a blabbering idiot. I was just so excited!!!!!!!
I began typing to you at a little after 2 AM this morning then kept Googling Websites, images, making my own images, searching YouTube videos, more ... Until around 9 AM this morning before collapsing with exhaustion cuz I just had to try and find a way to understand and let you know the meaning in "human words" of Willy's message to you that he "said" in abstract ... Dog talk? I dunno so just start reading what I have so far cuz I'm still blabbering ... Again, I will come back to edit and complete this to tell you what Willy "said and did" so to speak. Please begin now ...

Dearest Bubba, please pay close attention cuz I ain't blowin' smoke rings up your ...
You know what. I'm also not not not making this up. Word to your mama! Here goes ...

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning at around 2:00 AM. Willy came to me in a very odd "state of consciousness" type of dream. It was exactly how my late husband Kenny and Alex visited me just last Thursday. I've never in my life had any dreams where my Chakras are in such a deep, deep, deep meditative state. Bubba, Willy did visit me and gave me a message.

Hey, you may be feeling cynical, curious or even amazed. Me? Major jaw drop but I kept listening to Willy after I woke up. Kept tuned into him and felt very calm.

First, I'll tell you Willy's message which will be somewhat difficult because the message came to me in abstract. There were no human words but I could read Willy's mind in dog thought so to speak, Man! This is so hard do describe so I'll just put in human words what Willy was putting across to me in what I assume was doggie thoughts, emotions and desires ...

Willy's physical appearance was a Bully of around 3 years old give or take. Full grown but young. At first, he was happy, playing with all kinds of critters of every species and eating some type of chips. Then, he turned around and saw me. The first thing Willy conveyed to me was a ... "She will understand me and tell my daddy" ... That's as close as I can get to explaining it. Sorry about that.

He ran over to me but I had no physical body. Sort of like when you dream and are looking at everything through your eyes but you're still very much there. Slightly behind Willy and way above him, I saw a shape that looked like a crescent moon at a slant with the corners facing up and not down. I hope that makes sense. Right smack dab above the slightly slanted upward pointed crescent moon there was a star. Wait! Let me do a quick Google image search. BRB >>>

Bubba, what I saw above Willy means Om!!!!!

I found the meaning of tons more and what Willy was conveying to me!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is 9:27 AM and I've been googling, researching, finding images and so on for about
7 hours cuz ... So hard to explain ...
As is said in the movie The Blues Brothers staring John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd:
"We're on a mission from God!" And I felt like I was! So I just Could ...Not ... Stop!!!!!

I can tell right now this is gonna be a loooooggggg post!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****Random notes, images, videos and so on (all from research) Begin Now .......

Notes ...

Original image ...
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...entmoonstar.jpg

Same image but I have enhanced it to show what I saw as best I can ...
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...tmoonstar-1.jpg

Different original image ...
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...une27200603.jpg

Again: Same image as above but I have enhanced it to show what I saw as best I can ...
http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...e27200603-1.jpg

Eureka!!!!!!! ...

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...arblessed-1.jpg

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...sh_Desire-1.jpg

Then Willy led me to the following top and bottom images. I did not caption them. Those are the captions that came with the original images ...

As for the song ... I've never heard of it in my life! Googled and found it!!!!!

Willy is saying this to Bubba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...heySentMe-1.jpg

The video Willy is saying ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKTfdwWR8jQ

"I Am Your Angel"

No mountain's too high for you to climb.
All you have to do is have some Climbing Faith.
No river's too wide for you to make it across.
All you have to do is Believe it when you Pray.

And then you will see the Morning will come.
And every day will be Bright as the Sun.
All of your fears cast them on me.
I just want you to see.

I'll be your cloud up in the Sky.
I'll be your shoulder when you cry.
I'll hear your voices when you call me.
I Am Your Angel!

And when all hope is gone I'm here.
No matter how far you are I'm near.
It makes no difference who you are.
I Am Your Angel! I Am Your Angel!

I saw your teardrops and I heard you cry.
All you need is time ...
Seek me and you shall find.

You have everything and you're still lonely.
It don't have to be this way.
Let me show you a better day.

And then you will see the Morning will come.
And all of your days will be Bright as the Sun.
So all of your fears just cast them on me.
How can I make you see?

I'll be your cloud up in the Sky.
I'll be your shoulder when you cry.
I'll hear your voices when you call me.
I Am Your Angel!

And when it's time to face the storm ...
I'll be there by your side.
Grace will keep us safe and warm.
And I know we will Survive!

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near ...
Don't you dare give up the fight.
Just put your trust beyond the Sky.

I'll be your cloud up in the Sky.
I'll be your shoulder when you cry.
I'll hear your voices when you call me.
I Am Your Angel!

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...elIsHappy-1.jpg

MORE NOTES ...

CRESCENT MOON: A symbol of the aging goddess (crone) to contemporary witches and victory over death to many Muslims. In Islamic lands, crescent can be seen enclosing a lone pentagram ...
http://www.radioliberty.com/Symbolsandtheirmeaning.html

Star Om ...

http://hinduism.about.com/od/omaum/a/meaningofom.htm

Om or Aum: Hindu Symbol of the Absolute ...

Om or Aum is of paramount importance in Hinduism. This symbol, which represents both the unmanifest and manifest aspects of God, encompasses all ...

Om or Aum is of paramount importance in Hinduism. This symbol (as seen in the image on the right) is a sacred syllable representing Brahman, the impersonal Absolute of Hinduism — omnipotent, omnipresent, and the source of all manifest existence. Brahman, in itself, is incomprehensible; so a symbol becomes mandatory to help us realize the Unknowable. Om, therefore, represents both the unmanifest (nirguna) and manifest (saguna) aspects of God. That is why it is called pranava, to mean that it pervades life and runs through our prana or breath ...

http://hinduism.about.com/od/omaum/a/meaningofom.htm

Represents the Supreme Being ...
The Om - Everthing past, present and future ... The sound of all creation and is a prayer itself ... More ... More ... More ...
*****Important to Read the Captions in this video!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7ofPdEgsoQ

The Om - Everything about Om ...
Please view this one now cuz it sets up the next one ...
*****Important to Read the Captions in this video!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7ofPdEgsoQ

Now watch this!!!!! It is Om and Shanti combined ...
Note that Jesus appears hand in hand with Hindu symbols multiple times ...
Images only with foreign language singing a prayer. I sure do hope you comprehend their meanings cuz I can ...
So if you have any questions about any of the images in this or other videos, please ask ... And!!!!!!! 2 min. and 35 seconds into video are the crescent moons and stars slanted exactly as
I saw that one above Willy!!!!! Look at that image and take in what it means. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjW4KB1kT7M

25 seconds into this next video is the crescent moon just as it appeared above Willy!!!!!!!
55 seconds into video is the star very much resembling the one within the upwards crescent moon above Willy and is slanted absolutely perfectly matching what I saw ... I kid you not!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiXF8swJAxE

***Some notes and doodles ...
http://www.crossroad.to/images/Symbols/crescent.jpg

***More notes ...

http://www.fleurdelis.com/meanings.htm
Crescent: One who has been honored by the sovereign; Hope of greater glory (horns to the chief or pointing up)

Decrescent: same meaning but horns facing right or to the sinister.

According to the site ...
http://www.goodluckcreations.com/horsesh...
A crescent moon resembles a horseshoe, and one pointing down means that it will "shower you with Luck". Legend says, that a Horseshoe 'Pointing up' will "gather your Luck,"

Americans of English and Irish descent prefer to display horseshoes upward; those of German, Austrian, Italian, Spanish, and Balkan descent generally hang them downward. People in some parts of Ireland and Britain believe that horseshoes must be turned upward or "the luck will run out."

Horseshoes were actually used by the Greeks as early as the 4th century B.C. Since horses were believed to be one of the most sacred of animals, their crescent-shaped shoes became symbols of good luck. It has associations with the strength and dependability of the horse, and, in upright position it is also symbolic of the moon. Pointing downwards, it is symbolic of the womb.

To the Greeks it symbolized the crescent moon which was regarded as a symbol of fertility.The modern association is more likely to be linked to a legendary tenth century Saint who trapped the Devil in a Horseshoe and as a result made him promise never to enter a Christian home marked by a Horseshoe hung above the door.

(Hope that gives you some idea)
Source(s):
http://www.fleurdelis.com/meanings.htm
http://www.goodluckcreations.com/horsesh ...
2 months ago ...

***Bubba, it's me talking again right now at 3:35 PM EST. There is sooooo much more!!!!!!! Also pertains to Alex!!!!!!! I'll do my very best to come back so I can edit, explain and finish telling you all that Willy conveyed to me ... And Alex, too ...

Big Hugs to You and Yours!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Nite Nite ... Zzzzzzzzzz ...

Dottie!!!!--Hey There,
I don't come here often as I did before but I am glad I did as I read your post today.You sure have been busy and I thank you for all the the hard work you put into this.Hearing about Willy in the dream AND about Alex and Kenny as well.................Gives me great hope and to me proof they we are are on the right path................the wavering is the hard part.I'll go and spend some time with the vids.............Still gassin up the bus(it will be a long trip,not in miles but worlds)..........Keggers are coolin'............
Your Pal,
Bubba..............

Bubba!!!!! I'm so pleased! And there's more. Willy's ... thoughts? Whatever you call them ... came so fast like in a nanosecond ... Yet really slow at the same time. Don't ask me to explain cuz I can't. "Is a puzzlement" as Yul Brenner says in the movie The King and I.
Well, before that song that I posted, Willy conveyed 3 more ... thoughts? ... to me. I googled my butt off using every key word I could think of until I did get all three of Willy's first thoughts as best I could in "human talk." Bubba, I don't know what Willy means but I do know that I am spot on regarding those first three ... Well, what he was conveying to me. He showed big time concern about you and "told" me what you were thinking, feeling, doing, more ...

Now, I've never heard of the first 2 songs. Hand over my heart. I have heard of the third one because I saw the movie where it's sung ... And it has meaning. I do want so much to go into detail about my Alex visits but it takes so long to type with the one hand, Arg. I will get to it though. Both will blow your mind! Wow!!!

Back to Willy. As I said, he ran to me. Had that crescent moon and star above him. "Told" me of his worrying about you. Willy showed me the following 3 dog thoughts that I've put into human talk as best I can ... THEN came the "I'm Your Angel" as his "answer" to you. I sure wish I could explain better. Dang!

1. What he first conveyed to me ... Willy sees this in you and is worried ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntm1YfehK7U

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day.
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town.
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine.
Staying home to watch the rain.
And you are young and life is long.
And there is time to kill today.

And then one day you find.
Ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run.
You missed the starting gun.

And you run, and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking.
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older.
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter.
Never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught.
Or half a page of scribbled lines.

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.
The time is gone.
The song is over.
Thought I'd something more to say.

Home, home again.
I like to be here when I can.
When I come home cold and tired.
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire.

Far away across the field.
The tolling of the iron bell.
Calls the faithful to their knees.
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.

END OF WILLY TRANSMISSION #1 ...

2. Then this ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wtiNzci1Wc

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?

Come on, Come on, Come on, now.
I hear you're feeling down.
I can ease your pain.
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

When I was a child I had a FEVER.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.

I have become comfortably numb.
I have become comfortably numb.

O.K.
Just a little pin prick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show.
Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

When I was a child ...
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.

I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown.
The dream is gone.
But I have become comfortably numb.

END OF WILLY TRANSMISSION #2 ...

Like I said, I've never heard of those two before and it's the closest I can come to translating Willy.
I'd say I got it about 90 to 95 percent correct or better. Of that I'm sure ...

3. Then this ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5jfRtC-2aE

Is there anybody in there?

Have you heard?
It was on the news.
Your child can read you
Like a bedtime story.

Like a Magazine.
Like a has-been out to grass.
Like afternoon TV.
Why is my life going by so fast?

Hello I love you. Is there anybody in there?

Put down the phone.
Shut up the shop.
Make all their techno babble stop.
We'll find a short-waved frequency.
The wave connecting you and me.

Hello I love you.

Have you heard?
It was on the news.
The general staff can't figure out.
Is this campaign win or lose?

Life is long but it goes fast.
The kids will have to separate
Their future from our past.

Hello I love you. Is there anybody in there?

The ghosts are walking by my side.
I feel their love. I feel their pride.
For I have built a Bridge or two.
Bridges between me and you.

Hello I love you.

Have you heard?
It was on the news.
You can make your peace
On the dark side of the moon.

I’ll see you there.
We can rock ‘n’ roll.
We can make our choice.
We can say good-bye or say hello.

Hello I love you.
Is there anybody in there?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello.

Hello. Is there anybody in there?

Hello I love you.
Is there anybody in there?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello.

END OF WILLY TRANSMISSION #3 ...

Finally came the one that I put in the last post and is ... Willy's answer or reassurance or ... I'm sorry, Bubba. It's all so abstract. Perhaps that's the biggest reason why Willy chose me. Everyone here who knows me is aware that I express myself so much better in the abstract so to speak ... Like talking by use of photos, images, graphics.

So, does any of the above strike a bell? I know you're really busy and I'm bombarding you with all kinds of things as Willy conveyed to me so do take your time. K? K!

Big Hugs to You and Yours!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Please pardon all typos cuz dang.

interesting..........I will B back......
Bubba.............

OK BUBBA ...

BIG HUGS TO YOU, YOUR DEAR WIFE, LILY AND CHILLY!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox