Thanks Moon_Beam. If you remember recently, I spoke of a small homeless dog at the local Home Depot/Tractot Supply parking lot. I asked this AM at the Tractor Supply if they were still seeing the dog, and the lady said 'YES', that they were still feeding it, and they also couldn't catch it. They also have a list of customers to contact if they ever catch it, to adopt the dog.

News like that restores your faith in humans. Sometimes you think 'You' are the only one that 'Cares'. 'News' like this also serves to turn a bad day into a good day.

I hope you and Noah have a blessed day and evening.

Yes it is an idividual decision, some people take time to be ready for another animal others like me tend to jump straight in. Although I always plan to try and choose carefully. This doesnt always work, my dogs seem to just happen. A rescue here, a good working litter there, usually at the worst possible timing but dogs in my life seem to just find me rather than the other way around.

I think losing a companion animal any way is just plain bad. I have lost to old age, sickness and to tragic accident. I am currently dealing with a 6yo dog with elbow dysplasia which is hard enough because it is a never ending battle against a slowly crippling arthritis. I am using all sorts of joint supplements, joint injections and pain medication when required and did have bilateral surgery for her some years ago which helped immensely. I have no idea how fast it will progress. It is a shame to have to limit a high drive playful young dog in her activities.

Yes I felt the same way about professional help although it does help some people immensly. I had some after my car accident. It was pretty bad caused by a driver who lost control of their car at high speed and ploughed head on in to me. Holly was with me as a puppy and survived. The police who &%^ysed the scene told me that the only reason I survived was due to the split second decisions I had made. After that I found it almost impossible to be a passenger or to travel in a car with electric windows. That fear of being trapped inside or not in control was too much. Made it difficult as in my job at the time there was a lot of travelling long distances in cars with electric windows and sharing the driving with other people, a few of whom were terrible drivers. I knew really that only I could work through the issues.

Yes there is certainly more a sense of urgency when you get older. I was thinking about that the other day in relation to owning dogs, and there was nothing good about that thought, so now I try not to think too much about it, although it does flit around in the back of my mind. My youngest is only 2 so I have a bit of time hopefully to ponder on what it might mean for the future.

I hope you are having a few more good days Earl. I think about my Holly for a lot of the day, in everything I do actually but I am still managing to enjoy my other dogs. I have a fair bit of sheep work coming up so will be relying heavily on my working dogs. I do love working sheep dogs. They are so amazing, another thing that makes me happy, the wide open sky and paddocks and the dogs.

Sounds like both you and Moon_Beam are extremely lucky to be here today, as per your auto-accidents. Holly was definitely lucky to have survived that type of collision. Yes, you and her had a long journey together.

You know SummerHolly, I know I sound like a repetitious so-and-so, but, I just simply cannot find a relief button on Steffie being only 9. It doesn't matter that I had a 3.5 yr notice of her fate........I just can't shake the 'robbed' scenario. Its not an everyday thing, but, it won't go away.

Professional help wouldn't apply in my particular situation. Someway, somehow, I'm hoping against hope that time will somehow take care of this.

Had a friend call me(I grew up with him through High School) yesterday, to see if I was still alive. Last time I talked to him was in mid-late October when things were getting worse with Steffie. Friend asked me if I was going to get another puppy and I told him no. He then said that I needed to live my own life, etc.. Of course, my real reason for saying I wasn't getting another was in Steffie's Name, not for what he probably thought was 'not being bogged-down again'.

I don't know about you, if you have had similar occurences with friends after loosing Holly. I find it amazing that no one outside of this site, except for my Parents, really understands all of this. Of course, this friend has been married three times, with a total of six kids and a bunch of Grandkids. Guess you got to consider the source, but I still choose not to, usually, discuss Steffie with anyone. You just open yourself up.

IF....IF, I could ONLY make sense of the '9 Yrs' thing with Steffie. I'm afraid that it falls into a category, whereby, it's like leaving your gate open and your pet runs out into road and gets hit. I am SO GRATEFUL that scenario has never happened to me. I could NEVER get over something like that,......NEVER.

Guess you are still talking to Holly like I'm doing to Steffie. Every morning when I get up, I go to her pic on the refrig door, and every night when I'm going to bed. Before I drive off, I go to her grave and tell her I'll be back.

Most would think I'm nuts, but, it makes me feel good about it all. Guess thats all that counts at this stage.

Yes I always talk to Holly. I guess what makes it hard for me is that part of me thinks that I will never experience such an incredibly special dog again in my lifetime. That is the bit that I find hardest to shake. However there is nothing I can do about the whole situation so I choose to just think how lucky I was to have had such a brilliant dog and keeping moving forward and developing the realtionships with my others.

It isnt always easy. Time is helping but it isnt the total answer, you kind of have to make some choices about how you think about it all, this is what I do. I try different approaches, I look at photos and videos, I think about good times, I remember the feel of her, her bark, her eyes and all the the things that made her Holly.

I try not to dwell on the bad stuff, I did enough of that in the weeks following her death, I didnt really find any answers there but I needed to get it all out untill it exhausted me and then I could start rebuilding all the positive stuff.

You are stuck on making sense of the 9 years scenario, this is natural. I guess you will keeping working through it and it it will exhaust you and sap you and in a way it becomes unsustainable. Time will help but there will come a time when you know that you have to move forward. Whether this is with a new pup or in some other way. I think in doing so you will need to find a way to be a peace with Steffies memories rather than her physical prescence. You just have to be as nutty as you like to work thrrough this.

I still feel nearly 25 years later about how my hard working father was robbed of his retirement. My mother and he had so many plans to enjoy a well deserved retirement that never was to be. He was so looking forward to it. I have never entirely got over that but I now only think about all the fantastic times we had together as a family, doing some amazing things.

Because I train dogs I do know quite a lot of dog people who I see at trials. They also grieve for the loss of their dogs and they do totally understand. However we all keep moving on with our young dogs. Usually when dog dies there are a lot of heartfelt messages sent and people genuinely understand although any following conversations are usually about the happy memories.

A Canadian friend of mine lit a favourite candle for Holly and sent me a photo of it. She has had a few dog related tragedies and understood how I felt.

One woman I know came home from work and found her beautiful 4 yo dog dead. She had put a lot of work into this dog and they were working so well together as a team. No explanation was ever found and it certainly was quite shocking at the time. A friend of mine recently lost her young dog to metabolic genetic disease, that was tragic. She has since rescued a gorgeous young greyhound off the track that had nowhere to go and is working with him.

Well, Moon_Beam could appreciate this, as well as you too SummerHolly. Last night I got a call from the same old friend that called me day before yesterday. Our initial call was shortened and he said he would call me back yesterday. He knew I was in a pit and his call was to cheer me up, etc.. Well, ......'I'm now to get on with 'MY' life'......'Find someone and get married'.......'Don't get anymore dogs',.........'Quit worrying about my Parents, for they've lived a good life and now my Sister can be responsible for their extended health/life'(I looked after my Parents for 6 years, w/o any help from my Sister or Nephew),........'Quit feeling so bad about Steffie, afterall she was just a dog'. I could go on and on.

Even though in my friend's mine, he thought he was trying to help, he just doesn't understand that some people do not look at life the same way as him, or, with most married people with kids and Grandkids. The whole time I was listening to him, I thought,...."Lets see, you've been married three times, three divorces, 6 kids, etc., and you actually have some pointers for me, even though you mean well?"

Yes, I reconfirm,.....without this site to legitimately talk out your problems, you are on your own, UNLESS, you should be so lucky to have 'ONE' person/friend that .....'Understands'.....'You'.......'You not being married'.......'You are happy being single AND not married'........etc, etc..

In closing, there are a lot of 'misery loves company' scenarios/people out there that come forward with 'appearing to be' benevolent suggestions for your supposed 'pitiful lifestyle' and/or expected future as a Senior. Only 'YOU' know which scenario is best for 'YOU' and no one else.

Yes in the end only you know whats best for you. I have been fairly fortunate that people very rarely tell me whats good for me, they gave up a long time ago because they know I am happy with the way things are and have always done my own thing. It is not something they bother with anymore because they know it is pointless, they just accept me for who I am most of the time. Thank goodness, or it would be a right pain. What they really think I have no idea.

It is good to have sites like this to talk about how you are feeling about your animal companions. I might be strong and independent but I felt the loss of my Holly a lot. I think people understand that but it is not not really something you can talk endlessly about away from a site like this.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so sorry you were submitted to the insensitivity of your "friend's" misguided and unsolicited advice. From what you shared with us about HIS life choices, I have to chuckle at him being the source of counseling you as to how you "should " live YOUR life. I can so relate to your reaction, as my eldest brother has been married twice with 6 children with his first wife and is now living with a woman who is almost 40 years younger than him, my eldest sister has a history of alcholism and other substance abuse and has used up her family connections because of her behaviors, and my next to the oldest sister has made several disparaging comments to me about my single lifestyle while complaining that her husband doesn't show her any loving affection. And I'm supposed to ascertain from their example that I "should" fashion my lifestyle after theirs? I think not. As the saying goes, when seeking / accepting advice consider the source first.

Earl, whatever you decide concerning your life's course as you travel your grief adjustment journey will be the RIGHT ONE for you. NO ONE can tell you, or has the right to tell you, what you "should" do - - including when it comes to deciding about embracing a new companion. The blessing is that you ALWAYS have the freedom to change your mind to suit the circumstances as they arise in YOUR life. All we can do is share with you our individual experiences in the hope that somehow in the process it may help you in deciding what is helpful and what is not as you travel your journey. I hope you know that my only desire in sharing my life's experiences is to try to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement and hope - - NOT to try to influence you in "how" you "should" feel or "what" you "should" do.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, Feel assured, I have a very hard head when it comes to 'advice' outside this site. Like yourself and SummerHolly, 'I' and 'I Alone' knows whats best. Take for example the 'Retired Col' in Alabama,....he has been married 'SEVEN TIMES'. He has a PhD in Business. He came as close as anyone could possibly get to me as per his benevolent advice,...BUT, technically, he couldn't possibly be a member of 'You, SummerHolly and Myself'.

The friend that called last night, his Father was an Alcoholic and so is he and his older brother. I hardly ever see him, but we grew up together and he lived across the street. He really meant well, but, he demolished bridges when he commented on 'Just Dogs'. He shouldn't have 'Gone There'.

Moon_Beam, I appreciate your honesty in disclosing certain personal aspects of your life journey. In us doing so, is it any wonder that we are all 'Free Thinkers', otherwise known as 'Stubborn' and/or 'obstinate' to most?

Lucky for SummerHolly, that her friends 'Now Know' she is set in her ways and they reserve advice. Guess my friends are slow learners.

When all the smoke clears, as you know, there are basically two types of owners that have four legged friends,...A)Those that have them to just say they have them, B)Those that worship the ground they walk on.

As Will Rogers said, "When I Die, I want to go where Dogs Go after they die."

I hope you and Noah had a wonderful day together, and evening too.

Yes, you are lucky that your Friends finally 'Get It'. I think the deal on my end, it's 'Misery Loves Company'. Yow, it is a pain when they keep trying to 'Change You'.

As I'm sure you feel the same way, I just feel very lucky that I'm still single and not dealing with the problems I see elsewhere. I mean, can you imagine being married SEVEN times, like the Col Friend? He, my Sister, the friend last night, another friend thats on his 2nd,..........They would ALL remarry if their present spouse was gone, AND they are telling me to get on with my life, that basically, Steffie was a dog.....it's over.....'Move On'.

Their definition of 'Moving On' is why I'm here at this site.

The sport dog world is a real mix of married with kids, married without kids, defacto relationships, same sex relationships and singles with an age range from pre teens to eighties. In the end it is how you treat and train your dogs and your sportsmanship that people measure you by. Everyone is slightly crazy, (with apparently understanding partners if they have them)i so I don't feel too out of place. Friends outside of that world well they know what I am like and leave it at that. I guess I stayed single because although I have met some truly lovely men, I just like being free to follow my own path in life. I never really felt like I met a soul mate that I could commit to for the rest of my life. I liked being free to change the course of my life on a whim I guess. I have my fathers adventurous and restless spirit. That scares a lot of men anyway LOL.


Fortunately anyone who knows me well would not go there with telling me to get over it, because they know how much my dogs mean to me. However I guess once past the initial period directly after losing Holly it is not something I could go on about, which is why a site like this is good. Let's you talk about it in the company of people who also feel the need to talk about their pet for as long as they need to.

"Fortunately anyone who knows me well would not go there with telling me to get over it, because they know how much my dogs mean to me.".............Your statement here sums it up, but, do 'all of these' that know you well have pets themselves?

I had previously stated that only one friend had a family dog while growing up, but, their dog was taken in late in teen life as a stray. Never really think their dog meant much other than feed/water it.

This site is realistically, the end of the road.

Out of the three graves here, I poured a concrete cap over Steffie's. Tomorrow, I will mortar Steffie's headstone on it. I plan to pour the same cap on the other two. This way, when I'm gone, nothing can dig it up and/or will have no desire to demolish it. Now, most people wouldn't understand all of this work,....'Just For A Dog(s)'. Most people live in subdivisons, where local laws prevent them from burying their pets. If I chose to bury my pet, I would simply ignore such laws, especially if I couldn't afford a pet cemetery. A pet cemetery..........quite obviously, anyone that has buried their pets at a cemetery, are most definitely in the same category as you, Moon_Beam and I..........Our Companions weren't 'JUST A DOG'.

With all due respect to you and Moon_Beam, and I know you both will understand what I mean by this, ........the ONLY person that understands my present difficulty in 're-adjusting' w/o Steffie is simply me. The same applies to you and Holly, etc, etc.. For me, with Steffie at the end, ....I was a basket case, because I was fearing her having a seizure before the vet got here. I went through that with Schatszie. I can only describe it as horrible, not only with Schatszie, but Steffie too. But, then there was 'Victor'.

Its just doubtful for me that I'll get another one. Like you and Moon_Beam, we 'Truly' Love our companions, and would do ANYTHING to protect and maintain them. Daily, I consider all options, whether this and that would work, etc.. It ALL defaults back to simply,...."I want Steffie back and it isn't going to happen." Reality. Its a tough cookie to swallow.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "the ONLY person that understands my present difficulty in 're-adjusting' w/o Steffie is simply me." No one but you and your beloved Steffie absolutely, unequivocally KNOW the circumstances of your earthly journey together. While SummerHolly and I can very much relate to your feelings and experiences based on our own experiences, we have not been physically present with you and your beloved Steffie to share your experiences with you. Only YOU can decide what is the best path for you to take now in your grief adjustment journey, Earl - - and hopefully with the reassurance that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

What a labor of love to honor your beloved Steffie and Schatszie working on your beloved companions' resting places. I hope when your labors are completed you will be able to feel a peace in your heart in your accomplishment.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, Just as with me, you and SummerHolly only know yourselves about your past and present journeys with your Pets. Its an intricate and detailed journey that could be a book.

This morning I had an appt with my Doctor concerning a very minor medical issue that has existed since mid-October. My Parents also used this same Family Doctor, whom is ~70 yrs old. I had told him that my issue had been around since Oct, but I had too many things happen at once and I just put it off. He then asked me 'What kind of things?' I then tried to dodge it because I didn't want to break down in front of him. He asked me again, so I told him I had spent the last three + years keeping my dog alive with protein-loosing Nephropathy, but her kidneys finally failed.. He knows what I was going through with my Parents health issues, and he told me,..."That is really Hard.", concerning Steffie. He also commented that I needed to get on with my own life.

I don't know about you and SummerHolly with your past and present losses, but I just cannot talk to anyone in person about Steffie. I just break down, and I don't want to make a scene.

For all of those whom truly love their companions, and as I said on this site back in 2005 when I lost Schatszie,......."It Is The Hardest Thing You Will Ever Do".

Thank You Moon_Beam. I hope you and Noah are having a peaceful day.

No, not everyone I know, who knows me well has dogs but I guess they know how much my dogs mean to me so they have an empathy there.

I have 2 dogs in a dog cemetary and yes I thought a lot about what I wrote on their headstones. Sadly they are now about a 12 hour round trip away . Nothing wrong with spending time on their final resting place, this is a very powerful ritual and has been for millenia. I can relate to wanting Steffie back, I want my Holly back, I think about her all the time. Reality is often harsh and the older one gets the more this becomes apparent as the losses mount up.

The final end of all my dogs so far has been difficult, one in particular and it still brings tears to my eyes. The vet in that case mucked up and it was incredibly and horribly traumatic what happened to my sweet girl.

It is very difficult to talk about them with anyone which is why I find it easier to write down what I am feeling on a site like this. I would have tears in my eyes if I spoke to people I know, not that that worries me, but it is very painful.

It is an ongoing journey and I guess nothing in this life is without a price, one just had to make some sort of peace with it and keep moving forward as best one can.

I doubt I will ever truly get over my Holly but I am so glad this special animal was in my life.

I guess when one is hurting, you tend to repeat yourself like I've obviously been doing. I just simply cannot help it. When you love something as much as our Holly & Steffie, and all those wonderful times watching them grow from a puppy, you actually don't expect them to get sick, in a weird way. On October 31 I left Steffie with the Vet all day for a thorough intraveinous IV. Yes, it would only make her feel good for a short period of time, but, we left there with her tail wagging, big smile, plenty of entergy, she couldn't wait to eat her supper. It only lasted till the next day. That brings me down when I think about it, because I know she thought she had been cured. Its so damn sad.

Don't know about you, but I've two back to back bad days. I think what spurred it on was me putting the headstone on, as if, it was ending the story or something.

I will tell you this, in case you don't know about it. Its called the SDMA Kidney function test. I do know that 'IDEXX LABORATORIES' will be offering it with their testing. Instead of using the MA or the OLD Creatinine/Bun values(As well as Albumin values) as an indicator of Kidney Function, the SDMA(Symmetric dimethylarginine ) is an indicator of kidney problem not only months ahead, but years ahead of what the MA or Creatinine values would show up. Its something to ask your Vet friend about. I have no doubt that the test via the blood will have a hefty price. I asked my Vet today about it and she is going to investigate and let me know.

I can't speak highly enough about you and Moon_Beam. You are both Genuine, a very rare thing in this world. I don't mind including myself in that category also. As time proceeds forward, and as the world's population rapidly increases, you will see less and less of people like ourselves. The cost of things will steadily get worse. Eventually, having a companion will be a luxury for most, that is if you care for them till their last breath.

As Moon_Beam said,..."Sometimes, just one day at a time". This is obviously the scenario I'm presently existing in, because, in fear of repeating myself a hundred times, I will NEVER be able to find peace with Steffie being robbed of a longer life, and not having a life of fewer illnesses. These feelings are stuck deep inside me like a barbed hook.

Yes I had to go down to the council and deregister Holly and record her as deceased. That hurt quite a lot and things like that do set you back a little. Her loss still has a slightly unreal quality about it.

I dont think these losses are something you ever really completely get over. I think though that time does helpen soften the edges. I think that focussing over and over again on the really negative aspects doesnt help past a certain point, except to entrench it deeper and deeper. I guess my strategy is to bit by bit try and leave the negative thoughts behind and more and more try and focus on the really good times.

Like I do with certain dogs that are having a difficult time coping with certain aspects of life I try and slowly rewire their thought processes by pairing their fears with good things happening. None of my dogs passings have been particularly good so I try really hard to entrench all the really good times we had together and think about the wonderful qualities of each dog and what they taught me in life. I work towards a point where thinking of them makes me smile. I will always shed a tear from time to time for them but I find I can make the really good memories start toreplace the bad ones. This takes some effort but for it does help.

It is never an easy process because what you really want is to have them back again. However with each dog you have you know there is always going to be an end. I am trying to not take them so much for granted. I wish I had done more with Holly in the last few years and enjoyed every single day of her life with me. I often took her comforting prescence as a given. There are often many regrets but there are also many wonderful memories.

There really are no answers but I do try and work through focussing on the really good times. The unique things about them that made you really smile.

I can imagine it is extra hard for you because of the fact of Steffies health. However you gave her the best possible life ever. There still must be many memories of good times with her. I know you are struggling with her age and health. Sometimes there are much deeper sub concious reasons for some of this afecting the way they do.

I know you dont think professional help will be any use, but sometimes if you are finding it really difficult with no end in sight, it is a valid option to consider. Although again you need to find someone who is experienced with grief and sometimes you have to try a few different people to find someone who really can help. I used to be a bit sceptical but I have seen some cases where it can be really useful and really help to unpick what is really going on and work through it all. You keep mentioning Victor so I am thinking some of this goes deeper than you might think, there are also aspects of your life that may be contributing. Sometimes we just need a bit of help to sort through some of this.

When I was young, my Father bought a mare(Ginger) and she would be my Sister's horse. Later my Father had her bred and then there was 'Victor'. He would be mine all mine. He grew to be a very tall, beautiful horse and he towered over his Mother. We had been keeping them since day one at our 'weekend
' place located ~45minutes from our permanent home. We were at the weekend place during the week a lot after Victor was born. I never have made up my mind which is more exciting, a puppy or a colt. Eventually, going to feed them, etc., daily became a slight issue, but this was after Victor had matured. A lady friend of my Parents lived in this area and she had horses, and volunteered to feed for us off and on, as well as us helping her if she went out of town. This arrangement could last so long. My Father found 10 acres close to our permanent home that had a 6'chainlink fence around it and we could use it for free if we kept the grass mowed. My Father and I built a small barn for Victor & Ginger to get out of the weather and ran a make shift water line for the water trough. Located ~100 yds from there was a Electrical substation, same company my Father worked for, and there was personnel in & out of there 24hrs. About 3 miles from this location was the 'Port City Stockyards' where they railroaded in all forms of stock and had a butchering and rendering plant. They always had a rodent problem there, so they took grain and laced it with anticoagulants. One day my Father received a call from the substation that there was 3 black teens with ropes and a bucket trying to get ahold of one of the horses, and that they ran them off. My Father came and got me and we went immediately to find that Victor had severe rope burns around his upper neck, but Ginger appeared to be OK(she wasn't the friendliest around strangers and it saved her life). We knew a Vet at the stockyards and arranged to get Victor there just as soon as we could get the trailor and arrive. I stayed with Victor while my Father left for the trailor. It was about two hours later when my Father returned, and Victor began to act unruly. When we finally got him into trailer, he went totally mad and rared up 'through the roof' of trailer bending the angle iron framework that supported the canvas top of roof. My father then rushed to substation to call the vet to come to us. Vet had to put Victor down. After tests, he found that the feed in the bucket was rat poison taken from the railroad at the stockyards. Victor was only 2.5 years old.

Moon_Beam hit the nail squarely when she brought forth 'Caregivers Syndrome' as per my situation with Steffie being gone. Yes, like yourself, we were inundated with bad things at the same time that Holly and Steffie were dying. My situation with my Parents is technically an issue with me, but, truly, my struggle is with the roller coater of illness around every corner with her. Then those last 3+ years, considering everything, she was doing really good considering what was wrong with her. The terminal end with chronic kidney disease can vary. Its somewhat rare for one to get it at an early age and common at an older age. Then there are the symptoms as they approach stage 4. Anything is possible including seizures, heart attack, secondary infection, etc.. With Schatszie, at 12, she had lost some muscle mass on her hind legs but it wasn't a deplorable loss amount. It was the seizure she had. Steffie? It was literally an hour by hour of muscle loss. Even if I could have succeeded in geting more calories into her, it couldn't have kept up with the degree of tissue/protein loss. I had my Vet lead the way. Vet was not concerned that she was in 'pain', but it was a situation of controlling her gastro with medications and again trying to get some calories into her. Early on, the medications kept her from throwing up, till the end.

One thing I was relieved with, was that Steffie did not have a seizure toward the end, but, then, which would be worse,......a seizure early on, or watching her literally deteriorate to skin and bones.

I won't seek professional help for, really, one reason. 'They weren't 'there'. With either Victor, Schatszie or Steffie. There is 'no way' that they could feel the 'nightmare', the 'horror'. I have to work this out on my own, for there is no other way truthfully. You know now what I meant by 'Only I'. Same goes for both you and Moon_Beam,....'I wasn't there'.

It could very well be the anecdote I need by getting another puppy. Lord knows I need something, and I can't keep going the way I am at the present. I have ZERO zest for life right now. I simply force myself to stay busy, but then there are the mornings when I wake up, and the evenings, especially getting in bed and she isn't laying in her usual spot.

Needless to say, I'm a two time looser with experiencing chronic kidney failure, back to back, and it was not a result of neglect of their environment. In other words, I'm scared to death to love another 'True Friend' the way I did Schatszie & Steffie, in fear of CKF.

"Everyone and Everything comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." I have not lost sight of this.

Earl that is absolutely terrible what happened to Victor, what a senseless waste. I can understand that memories of that would be pretty bad, brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

With professional help, if they are good, they dont need to have been there. The person I saw after my accident was able to listen and take me through stuff and help me see a clearer path. He had a good reputation for working with people suffering severe traumas. It is not a cure but it can help bring perspective. Often one can lose perspective because of the trauma.

There is a lot of stuff going on which makes you scared to love another friend. It may not do any harm to open yourself up to the possibility to get some help to work through it. If it doesnt help you havent lost anything, particularly given how you are currently feeling.

Maybe Moon_beam who has more experience in this area has some advice or words of wisdom.

Is CKF common in Weims? or were you just unlucky for both yours to have had this disease.

No, CKF is not common with Weims. Schatszie was ~11.5 when she developed it. Theres no doubt that Steffie, it was inherited, just like her triglyceride problem. Steffie's Sister had a bladder stone at birth that had to be removed before the breeder let her be adopted. The whole thing here, one starts to think this breeder is located at a deadend dirt road....nope. She STILL has a well known reputation. I just look back at the fact that there was only 3 pups in Steffie's Litter. That to me says a lot.

Theres no doubt that I have 'Lost Perspective'. I'm going to have to do something.

I've never been in this condition my entire life. I also have never had so MANY, MANY negative things fall into my lap at seemingly the same time. Make no mistake about it, our companions are our major life support system while making sense of bad things. Without them, you are on your own, butt naked. They ARE a very powerful support system in our lives.

Well, anyway, I've rambled too much. Hope your day is a peaceful one. Thanks for your advice SummerHolly.

Earl

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Victor. I can truly relate as to how heartbroken you are about what happened with him, as during my lifetime I have had two companions murdered at the hands of neighborhood delinquents. This is a trauma that is never forgotten, particularly during a time when there was no legal compensation or retribution for animal cruelty.

One of the primary purposes of seeking professional counseling is to be able to talk to someone who can offer an independent insight into our circumstances and thus help us to begin the process of finding a new way to put our lives back into a better balance. Of course this service is not free - - it takes resources either through insurance coverage or personal finances - - or both when there are insurance deductibles involved - - and most insurance companies limit professional counseling services - - which limits the ability of the "trial and error" process of finding a counselor you feel comfortable with. There are no easy answers when it comes to navigating the grief adjustment journey, Earl. I have heard there are some good grief hotlines available for individuals who are finding themselves struggling with the grief adjustment journey of a beloved companion, and perhaps this might be an option for you to consider - - in addition to the support I, and SummerHolly, offer you through this forum. Please know that whatever you decide we are always here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

As always, I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, I'm truly sorry you had to experience the loss of your two companions in such a barbaric way. Reminds me of my Father's boyhood friend. Bill always had a dog, and usually a black lab. About 15 years ago, Bill's neighbor poisoned his dog...antifreeze. His dog wasn't the issue, but the neighbor decided to target the dog. Bill and neighbor didn't get along with each other. Bill sold his house quickly because, as he said, "I had to sell and move before I wound up killing the $%&.

Thanks for your advice as to Professional help. Yes, its not cheap. Even though I've always worked the kinks out of personal situations(mainly via time), this one is much more complicated, and/or I'm making it as such. If Steffie would have lived to 10 or even 11, I wouldn't be in the shape I am right now.

I think whats best for me in the future, that IF I ever get another companion, it will be from a no-kill shelter/rescue. When you raise a puppy or colt, and something traumatic occurs, theres hell to pay, especially when you are older.

As I told SummerHolly, you were right on about the caregivers aspect of all of this. Actually, I really can't see any professional saying or doing anything different than what you and SummerHolly have done to cheer me up, etc..

Overall, you all have helped considerably, believe it or not. I'm hoping that day by day things will improve.

Thanks Moon_Beam. Hope you and Noah have had a peaceful day. Hope your weekend is a good one.

Earl

There have been some brutal and murderous attacks on innocent animals where I once lived. A couple of friends have had their dogs murdered, just terrible.

Considering rescue is always a good option. There are some wonderful dogs in there waiting for somebody to love them. That is all dogs really ask from us. Too care for and love them and they will usually return in spades.

Remember the educated guy just down the road that lets his dog ride on the flatbed of truck...INSTEAD OF INSIDE HIS BIG CREW CAB? I would bet, lurking in his past or present that he has done some bad, bad things to animals. Why I said 'HE' needs to be found in a ditch somewhere.

With me leading the way, my family decided to adopt a dog back when I was young. Got 'Duke' from the city pound, a German Shorthaired pointer. I've seen only one other dog in my life that loved to swim, AND STAYED in the water swimming for hours until called in. Where we would go water skiing, there was always mullet jumping here, jumping there out of the water, and Duke would swim toward each new mullet. My Grandfather had a ranch with multiple large lakes, and a dog wandered to his house one time,...'Lonesome'. Everytime you went fishing, Lonesome was there swimming. Never seen dogs that simply loved to stay in the water like those two.

I love the Weimaraner breed, but, I just do not think I could survive another bad experience in health issues with all 'The You' that goes into raising a puppy. Sure, theres a bond with all your pets, but it's the strongest one with a puppy. When you are single, THEY ARE your 'Human Child'.....They ARE your sanity.

The sad part about ALL of this, is STILL, the COST in having pets anymore. You throw in the economy, cost of just you living, and then have some major animal illness.......not to mention yourself,........not a pretty picture 'Now' or 'Ahead'.

Hate to sound doomsday, but 'IT IS' a fact. I know for a fact, now, a new Weim puppy is going to average $1,000 to 1,200. Weim rescues average ~$300.00+ Donation to adopt.

I will go to my grave desiring a puppy, instead of. Simply because, you can easily train them to become 'You'. There might lie my present problem of pain in loosing Steffie, so damn young. I had hell getting past Schatszie passing, and now with Steffie, my soul went with her. I just can't do this again. So, I think my heart is telling me to consider options in the future, if I ever get another.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. When my beloved Samson transitioned home to the angels, I honestly believed I would never have another canine companion. Samson helped me through the majority of my recovery and rehabilitation, through the darkness of the deepest depression, and the enjoyment of moving into the safety and serenity of this little house in the woods. He was also a wonderful companion to my mom during the day while I was at work, and gave her a purpose to endure through each day - - she was in every way Samson's "grandmother." Four months after my beloved Samson joined the angels, friends of mine at Guiding Eyes for the Blind in upState New York offered me the opportunity to adopt a retiring Service Partner. Because of their gracious gift of friendship, I accepted and Oslo came into my life. We enjoyed 11 years together, but I realized during our final year together that I no longer have the strength and endurance required to enjoy another canine companion. This decision is final, and I am comfortable with it.

ANY decision you make, Earl, will be the RIGHT ONE for you regarding if / when you are ready to embrace another companion.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yes bonds are very strong with puppies but having said that I rescued a young adult dog from the bullet and he is the most incredibly loving animal. Defintiely totally grateful to me for rescuing him. He follows my every move and has this huge need to be loved by me. He will do anything to make me happy and get my approval.

Actually a retired friend of mine has a cat, a Belgium blue and he sends photos of he and his cat going on camping holidays and fishing together and going on walks together! I dont know a great deal about cats so his relationship with this cat is intriguing.

I woke up this morning really missing my Holly. They sure do leave their mark on you! Still I am so glad she was in my life.

I'm really Happy for you with your Rescue Buddy showing such behavior. He 'KNOWS' he is safe with you. I'm sure you have seen the Walt Disney Movie, 'Old Yeller. I can remember when my Parents, Sister and I all went to see it.....Late 50's. I was the only one that cried at the end. One of the few movies where the dog dies. Seems as though, my entire life, dogs have always read me that they were 'Safe' with me, especially going to another person's home with even large dogs, even dogs that showed a short fuse. As the Beach Boys song, 'Good Vibrations'.

My days are up and down, but not as down as recently. But, I'm sure that your dogs will participate in something that you did with Holly, but they just do not react in the special way as Holly. There are so many activities I would do outside and while in the house I would tell Steffie,..."Lets Go Feed The Deer"....."Lets Go Back In The Back", etc, and she would dive off the couch ready to go. As you know, so many, many things that you did daily like clockwork with them.

I go to the Weimaraner Rescue site to look(somewhat of therapy for me, but, I have no desire to adopt),....look and read about their dogs up for adoption. I will never understand HOW anyone could get a puppy and raise it to a young adult, and/or, get a pet and have it for a good while, THEN turn it over to a rescue, etc., because they couldn't afford the Vet Bills, they are moving, etc., etc.. In other words, if I was offered a lucrative job, but the move/location wouldn't allow me to have my dog, well, so much for that job. When you read the bio's on dogs at these rescues, its horrible to see these owners put their personal lives ahead of their companion, as if their Pet is expendable. My monthly expenses for Steffie for 3.5 years was ~$300.00, and that was JUST for the special kidney food and supportive kidney supplements. Was it hard financially on me? You bet. Was it frustrating as heck when she started being real picky at eating? You bet. Some people would actually prematurely put them to sleep, just because they were interfering with their personal lives, or they couldn't handle the day-in/day-out pressure.

I've NEVER lost sight of the destinct fact that Steffie was, yes, blessed to have had me, and I had her. I just didn't win the war for her. In the end, I'm certain she knew that our luck had run it's course.

Hi Moon_Beam, Isn't it Great, when our Parents were still there with a helping hand not only to give but to receive, as with Sampson and Oslo. My Father would give anything to have another dog right now, as with most of Seniors that have had pets all of their lives. My heart goes out to you for making that logical decision that you could no longer care for another canine companion. I know how hard that is for you, but, Thankfully you have Noah. The same decision was made by my Mother's Father, and then one day, ~3 years before he passed away, a stray cat wondered into their yard....'Kit'. My Grandmother was never into pets much(raised on a farm), but she accepted Kit. When I would go there for a meal, you could see the sparkle in my Grandfather's eyes when it came to feeding Kit, etc.. Kit rekindled that lost love that he had for animal companions. My Grandfather had a horse while young,....his name was 'Victor'.

Moon_Beam, I don't know what I will do in the future. You and SummerHolly are a guiding light for me. Women have always seemed to 'see things' in a much more logical sense than most men. Sometimes though, under certain circumstances, both are tested like never before.

Thanks For All You Do Moon_Beam. Make no mistake,......EVERY AM & EVERY PM, I look forward to seeing a reply and communicating. I look at meeting you and SummerHolly as being a VERY RARE thing. There is SO MUCH in common.

I hope you and Noah have a peaceful evening and upcoming week.

Regards,

Earl

I always cried in animal movies even when they eventually had happy endings! I never saw old yeller. I wasnt born when it was released but I did see Bambi and lassie and the incredible journey. The details are pretty fuzzy, but I probably cried thru all of them, and of course I read Black Beauty and other assorted animal tear jerkers.

Yes Holly was always ready for action, even when she grew deaf she could read my every intention and react accordingly. I miss that dog so.

It is difficult to imagine handing a pet over. There are probably occassions where there is a genuine change in fortune and if there are kids involved then they become the priority for resources, but it would seem that many are turned in for very poor reasons. The ones I hate most is when a dog has become older and the family wants a younger dog so they drop the senior dog off at the pound kidding themselves that it will all be lambs and rainbows for the old dog which is often very far from the truth. Poor old things finding themselves dumped, what terror and confusion. I think when I become a senior I might consider fostering or caring for old dogs as an option if I can.

Glad that your days are a little less down.

Now is not the time, but, in the future you should get 'Old Yeller' and watch it.

Out of all the reasons people would turn their dogs over to adoption, the most unbelievable would be 'Seniors'. That action would tell you everything about the owners.....Nothing Good. Theres a Weim at the 'Weimaraner Rescue of North Texas site. 'Cassie'. She is just ~1 yr old and her owners turned her in to rescue because they couldn't afford her upcoming Vet Bills. 'Cassie' has cataracts in both eyes, and, she was born with a misplaced urethra(I think) connection to her bladder. I believe both surgeries would be ~$3,000/Ea. They have ~90 days of accepting donations at the rescue for saving her. Cassie looks absolutely beautiful and healthy BUT she isn't.

I've often wondered if there are any Vets/University Vets that ever do such surgery for Charity,....OR.....at a charitable rate. I never hear or see it. I guess its hard for me to think there is any 'positive' left in this society. Seems like everything is driven by greed any more, and this is just one of many examples. Someone I know, he and his wife have 3 dogs. One was getting up in age and needed hip replacements. Think their bill was ~$12,000. They have payment arrangements paying by the month, but they did not throw their dog away. Most would call them crazy for doing such.

Yes, technically its better here, but not by much. As you know, its all just a very sad, sad situation. As I once said, its like waking up and going to bed with a straight jacket on. You have to 'live with it'.

Hi, Earl, as always it is a blessing logging in to share how you are doing. I know so well from first hand experience how this wonderful forum is a lifeline while enduring a grief adjustment journey as well as a health crisis situation. I am so glad you are finding the responses from me, and SummerHolly, helpful.

As I was reading through your post about Cassie, a thought came to mind that might be helpful for you to consider: In loving honor of your beloved Schatszie, Steffie, Victor, and all of your beloved companions - - how would you feel about making donations to these types of appeals? This way you could offer help as you feel is appropriate. The veterinary practice that takes care of my precious Noah has a "Good Samaritan Fund" which I can occasionally contribute to. There are people - - like senior citizens - - who can benefit from these types of funds which enable them to keep their precious companions with them instead of having to surrender them to a shelter because they can no longer afford the veterinary care. Of course you would make sure the request is legitimate so it would be appropriate to check out the information before you donate any funds. It's just a thought.

Two other correspondents - - LoveMyMickey and Tom's Dad - - have made a new mission of feeding homeless waifs where they live - - which is another option I am open to trying when my precious Noah is no longer physically with me. There are "alternatives" to opening your heart to another companion without assuming the financial responsibility that is beyond your ability - - and I use the word "your" in a purely generic form. As always, whatever decision you make, Earl, will be the RIGHT ONE for you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, I'm sure both you and SummerHolly knew that I din't include certain exceptions when people turn their dogs(regardless of age) over to rescues. Such as you say, Seniors that can no longer take care of them, Owner's Death, etc. I, of course, was only targeting those that are able-bodied that have no conscience. I remember when my Parents adopted a Blue Tick from their local no-kill shelter. While my Father and I had gone there a number of times looking, there were two fox terrier twin sisters that belonged to an elderly man that passed away. It was a sad sight to look at those two in their cage. They looked lost.

Yes, I'm going to contribute to 'Cassie' just like EVERY Vet should do if they are aware of her. Don't know if that Rescue has broadened their advertisement outreach for more funds.

I used to team with an elderly woman in feeding 5 stray dogs that lived in the woods nearby. I finally had to quit because Steffie's medications($) were all I could handle. The 'Good Samaritan Fund' with your Vet is a wonderful thing. I mean, how much longer can these rediculous Vet Prices continue, until the Vets finally realize that there are exceptions. I was at my Vet one day waiting,.....this man and woman walk in with a young dog that had gotten a fishing lure hooked through the forehead just above the eye. These people had an outstanding bill with the Vet, and the Vet refused to remove the hook. This dog was no more than 6-7 months old. In a way,(considering the gut feeling I got about these two people) I considered the Vet, BUT, then, the poor puppy.....what about him??

I'm curious of how many Vet Charities are out there, somewhat like your Vet's Fund. Such as Texas A&M University Vet School. They can afford charitable offerings and it will be interesting to find out if they do.

The Good 'Ole days of having two or more pets are gone. You can ride that wave so long, but, sooner or later, its going to cost you, UNLESS, you 'throw away' your pets to adoption.

One thing for sure, I can go to my grave in peace KNOWING that I Loved every single animal that came into my life, that I took care of everyone that came into my life, and that I never 'cast them to the wind'. I just hope that if I live long enough, that my companion passes BEFORE I do.

A family member and friend of mine is a specialist vet and after retiring has done quite a lot of specialist work for rescues. The local vets will ring up and she will go in and do what is required. One was a displaced uretha on a pup come into rescue. She doesnt charge. Not sure if anybody else does this much.

The problem here where I live with feeding stray dogs is that they team up in packs and kill and mutilate livestock, which is a terrible thing to witness the aftermath. Dead and dying sheep that have been ripped to shreds everywhere, one childs pony was mutilated some time ago and had to be put down and feral cats absolutely decimate the native wildlife and they generally breed in an uncontrolled way making the problems even worse.

Not the animals fault just the darn people who released them. My little forest area has been decimated of native birds, mammals and reptiles by breeding stray cats gone wild. The local rangers generally have to trap cats and shoot them and stray dogs are always caught or shot by local farmers or rangers. So it is a double edged sword.

Quite a few breed rescues will ask for donations to fix up certain animals that come through their doors before adoption.

I was in the vet the other day and an older woman came in with her dog, she was obviously on a payment plan with the vet. My local vet practice tends to have very reasonable rates because the town is in a lower socio economic category. They dont however offer an emergency service, or dedicated overnight care, so there are some compromises.

Your retired Vet friend is a wonderful person no doubt. The older Vets will always go into the record books as being the better ones in many ways. These new Vets have a much bigger debt to pay off or their cost of start-up plus their Vet School debts.

The problem with all these dogs & cats being abandoned or not contained, they go back to being wild. Those dogs that I helped the lady feed,....you couldn't catch or touch any of them. Even if you could, and took them in, they would try and escape from your place. Just a terrible problem with usually no happy ending. Especially when they start attacking livestock.

Yesterday wasn't a good day toward the afternoon. I started backtracking on Steffie's condition, as to when she started going downhill or signs of stage 4, as if I should have done something different. In others words, a revisit of false guilt.

I guess I'll know I have made good progress when as I keep wanting her back so badly, that I don't feel like I'm in a straight jacket, standing there unable to do one single thing to save her.

There is NOTHING worse than when you have to put your pet on the special kidney food, etc., then as days go by, then, they start turning their nose up to it. Then you scramble to prepare optional accepted diets, they start to eat again for maybe 2-3 days, then they turn their nose up to it. It totally drains you of any optimism.

Yes sadly there is a never a happy ending for animals gone wild around here, they are dealt with swiftly. I have been up on occassion when I have heard barking in a distant paddock in the early hours of the morning and fearing for my sheep and their lambs have gone ready to protect them. Fortunately we havent had a problem for awhile. To protect some rare mammals from complete destruction the rangers have actually put electric netting and fencing around several large areas of natural habitat.

My own personal belief is that feeding strays only perpetuates an already bad situation. One has to look to what the effects will be. Females are more likely to continually breed, there will be health issues and suffering, and there is all the other not so nice stuff that goes on that the feeders will probably never observe or even realise happens. You would be better off donating food to rescues or providing emergency accomodation for fosters, or volunteering at a local shelter. Most are terribly understaffed and there is much be done for animals in there especially the long termers. Lots of love required.

Yes going back over certain scenarios is a hiding to nowhere, I was doing that all the time and still do occassionally with Holly. I try not to do that. I still cant believe that I didnt see it earlier and that there was absolutely nothing I could do to save her.

My mothers dog had pancreatitis and diabetes and knows well the anguish of trying to get her dog to eat special diets. Her dog had to eat before she could get her insulin shot which she had to have twice daily. The pancreatitis often made her feel unwell and she would turn her head away at the food, which made my mum desperate because if she didnt eat she couldnt have her insulin shot and would then have to be rushed to the specialist hospital. My mother would try tempting her with other things she would cook up. The whole thing eventually became too much for both the dog and my mother and the vet told her it was best to let her dog go.

She was only a little dog and 13 1/2 seemed young and my mum got caught in that similar age trap that we all get caught in. Why didnt they live longer.

So I can empathise with that situation. I watched it unfold all to often when visiting my mother.

Yes I do sometimes backtrack with Holly and I keep talking to her and wishing she was back with me. Hopefully time will help bit by bit.

Yes, I can directly feel your Mother's frustrations with her dog. 'WHENEVER' your Dog gobbles down their food with pure excitement, never take it for granted. Those are the best of the best days their entire lives.

I'm still totally drained with both loosing Steffie and thinking of all the problems she and I tackled. The problems are one thing, but Steffie not being here is in a category by itself.

There is no way I could survive loosing another dog at a young age like Steffie. It really just makes me mad thinking about it. Guess most would accuse me of being selfish. It still kills me to look at her pics. One minute you're up, next minute you're down.

For the life of me, I just don't think, even with time, that I could ever get another w/o being bombarded with betrayal thoughts. Just like you and Holly, Steffie and I were literally 'fused' together.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I truly empathize with you when you share with us: "I'm still totally drained with both loosing Steffie and thinking of all the problems she and I tackled. There is no way I could survive loosing another dog at a young age like Steffie. Guess most would accuse me of being selfish." Please let me try to reassure you, Earl, that you are NOT selfish in feeling unable to embrace another companion. It is vitally important that you give yourself the opportunity to get both your physical and emotional strength back - - for YOU. And yes - - this grief journey is BOTH a physical and emotional journey, and there comes a time when EACH of us reach a point in specific circumstances and say "I can't handle this anymore - - no more." You have experienced a LOT of deep sorrow in your lifetime with various situations concerning your beloved companions, Earl. You are now at a point where you need to focus on YOU - - for both your physical and emotional health. There is NOTHING selfish about that. Indeed, your beloved Victor, Schatszie, and Steffie want you to do what is best for YOU - - as do I and everyone else on this wonderful forum.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, Yes, you are correct. I have reached a point, surrounded with 'specific circumstances'. Yesterday, when I was reading SummerHolly speak of her Mother's dog's health issue and her dog not wanting to eat at a critical certain time,....I was cringing in my chair. I refer to that as 'living in a straight jacket'.

I remember my retired Vet once told me, concerning Chronic Kidney Failure and the use of the special Prescribed Kidney Foods: " I don't know how any dog can eat that stuff, just feed them what they like." Well, that might seem totally ignorant to most, but, he knew something. He was from the 'old school', but, it has been previously debated as to whether or not the special kidney foods REALLY further extends your pet's life as compared to staying with their normal diets. He had made this statement when I had Schatszie, but, I went ahead with the kidney food diet, just like with Steffie.

When your Pet is issued a death sentence, especially at an early age, and that their life could be shortened by months or years, that is not a good way to live, but, thankfully your pet is unaware.. The initial shock of such is one thing, but the most cruel part of it is as the clock ticks, and days, months, years go by, and your pet is hanging in there, you start thinking via 'false hope'. The inevitable is silently awaiting you around any given corner.

Moon_Beam, I know you completely understand my particular situation, and I also totally know my situation. As with most after loosing a pet, they hear, "Get another". People should NEVER suggest such if you do not know 'all the facts'. In my particular situation, that would be fighting fire with fire.

AS HARD as it is to ADMIT, yes, I need to do something for me. I receive joke emails quite frequently, but, I find nothing funny about them. This might sound TOTALLY outlandish, but I do not consider myself to be in a depressed state of mind. I find it more accurate to say I'm in a suspended state of anger. Angry at the apparent bad luck that has followed me, and I wasn't at fault. I mean, how many times can an owner sustain CKF with their pets, let alone watching your horse rare his head and body up through the roof of a trailer.

The FACTS, you gotta know the FACTS, and this is exactly why I do not discuss anything, with anybody, more than once, EXCEPT with this site and you and SummerHolly. ALL these years, I NEVER told a soul about Victor.

I Thank You Moon_Beam, and I know you know I do not take your words for granted.

I hope You and Noah are having a peaceful day and week. I think about you all the time, that you have reached a point in your life, knowing that you realistically can no longer have a larger companion, etc.. We will all be there one day. We will somehow all try to make the best of the situation.

Regards,

Earl

Hi Earl, I am not a big fan of prescription diets as I wonder if it is simply marketing by big companies to sell their brand. I have recently been in and out of the vet with a young dog and after discussion with my vet friend it is likely she has pancreatitis which leads to diabetes if not dealt with diet wise early on. The key element is to reduce fat intake. There are prescrition diets available but they they dont look very appetising so I will make my own mix up. I think it is probably important to understand the key element to those diets and then you can maybe make it yourself if you choose. I dont know anything about CKF but certainly with the condition my dog has been diagnosed with a low fat diet is essential to reducing her chances of reaching the diabetic stage, which would be a disaster.

You did what you thought was best for Steffie with her diet that is all that matters at this point. I doubt if it would have made things worse and it may have improved things. We have to make choices and we make those choices with our animals best outcomes at heart.

I think people can often suggest things like getting another pet based on their own personalities. I lost a horse to collic while I was away and the set of circumstances that surrounded his death leads me to suspect that it was partly my fault and I wasnt there for him. The loss of my young dog was also very traumatic. I lost another young dog earlier on when he was just playing and impaled himself on a wooden branch, I took him to the vet with the branch sticking out of his chest. That was the worst thing and the young locum vet left him untattended at night because she had a party to go to and he died.

A 6 month puppy "Georgie girl" Mum and I once had unknown to us followed us into a horse paddock when we were feeding and was kicked to death by a horse. She died in my arms while mum was driving us to the vet. It was horrible and we loved that feisty little dog.

These incidents definitely haunt me and I dont often speak of them, however it has never influenced my decision to surround myself with the animal companions because I need them in my life. So I think these experiences are reacted to differently by people.

My sister and I basically forced another dog on my mother after her diabetic dog died because she was in a depressed state and moping around all doom and gloom and she herself has lost animals traumatically and nursed 3 dogs through cancer and didnt think she could go through another. Seriously though it is the best thing we could have done for her,. She would not have got another companion otherwise and was in a deep depression. Sure the dog is not her beloved dog and we took a risk but I can see the depression gradually lifting as she gets to know her new dog. She tells me she wouldnt not have this new dog in her life although she would not have initiated it herself.

People just mean well and although they dont know your individual circumstances some of them like myself have suffered some very traumatic losses that although they affect you deeply you just deal with them in a different way. I would be a much different person if I didnt have my dogs with me. Theyare the light of life regardless of what has gone before, it is just the way I work.

I think if I am ever in a position not to be able to have a dog or cat I will have a budgie. I had one when I was young and he was the best companion. Just the other day someone posted about the loss of their bird and the close relationship they had with him. I think when you live on your own these interactions with a companion animal is very healthy.

Because I have been in an out of the vet recently with my young dog I have been missing Holly more acutely and just wishing I had her back and going through some of the details surrounding her death. I think we go through these stages and will do for awhile. This is never an easy journey. However I would never not have had any of my dogs in my life. I have in part accepted that life is not all lambs and rainbows with regards to anything we love. I think the loss of my father was also a key factor in all this. If I could move on from his loss I could move on from anything. I still think about him I might add so the pain never completely dissapears but I cant let tragedy rule my life or I would probably end it.

I know you and I probably approach things differently but the love of our animals runs deep and people just deal with stuff differently.
I can understand a lot of how you feel, I see it very much in my mother. I feel also very deeply for my lost animals, it just doesnt stop me wanting to love another animal and never will regardless of the circumstances. I know my dog is going to have to be managed carefully to try and stave off diabetes which is doable, and my other dog is staring down a progression of her elbow dysplasia but I will deal with what ever comes next and it wont stop me always wanting some sort of companion in my life.

Sorry to hear about the pancreatitis situation,......of all times, why now? Believe me, I realize there are much worse stories out there than mine. Just from what you have told me here, yes, you also have had a string of bad luck. Going back to the Vet right now is the last thing you needed.

Yes, marketing of foods, etc., by vets is always a factor. I didn't have a problem with feeding the prescribed kidney food to Steffie or Schatszie, as well as the other supplements. I simply follow the Vets instructions while keeping an open mind, whereby, when and if something goes wrong, you won't have a guilty conscience. If you try to play GOD and ignore the Vet, its going to be a bad ending for you.

Actually, you remind me of my Sister. Both of you have developed a system that works well through the good and bad. As you said, most people vary in how they handle things. I personally could have no more than two companions at one time, but I prefer just one. That might probably be my biggest enemy in the end. As I said before, 'I dumped all my eggs in one basket'.

It is obvious that both you and Moon_Beam have been through more hardships than I. You all are obviously much stronger than I when things get bad, and/or, you've learned how to 'cope'.

As with hearing the story of your Mother and her dog that had pancreatitis,.......when hearing your latest Vet visits, I was cringing in my chair again, BECAUSE, I know what you are thinking,..."When Will This End!...I Need A Break!" All I can say to you is 'Hang-In There', and I hope against hope that you won't be dealing with diabetes.

When I drive by my Vet's office, I try not to even look that way......everything about that building says 'Steffie'. I was there countless times for food, blood exams, treatment, etc, etc..

I'll be thinking about you and your companion. Keep us updated. At least you have forewarning of the pancreatitis. That IS a good thing.

Regards,

Earl

Yeah I probably like 2 dogs. I have more because I have livestock to run so I needed a purpose bred sheepdog as well as the pets I moved to the farm with and then I rescued another sheepdog from the bullet. My sheepdogs do good work but in reality they are also my pets. I just have to spread the love LOL. It doesnt stop me forming stronger bonds with some of them, but they all know I will keep them safe and I do have fun with them. I sort of like the mild chaos although I will slowly downsize as the years go by. Having my other dogs certainly helps but I miss Holly a great deal as she was such a special girl, but I am very glad to have my little doggy family around me.

I tend not to think too negatively about the pancreatitis diagnosis, it is what it is. I just think that if I get the diet right we should be good. I tend only to worry about these things if they become a problem. I think in reality this is how I cope with stuff. I assume everything is good and dont worry too much about the future. I guess it will unfold as it will and I will deal with it if I have to.

Yes the vets office does have Holly's name on it but the nurses and vets are cheerful souls when I go in there, practical down to earth country women really.

I just think 'most' women(NOT ALL) cope with such things better than men.

I really don't have much to say right now. Its one of those days again.....Just wish Steffie was still here.

Earl

Earl I wish Holly was here every day. I wake up every morning thinking about her. I think about her all during the day at various intervals. It is so ingrained into us that it is ineveitable untill our minds and bodies start to slowly release that pattening.

My days are exactly as your's, just as soon as I awake in the AM. I cleaned out my 'received' emails in my 'Inbox' this morning.......came across one received from Vet's office on August 29. The Vet was out of town, and Steffie had started about this time period of turning her nose up at the prescribed kidney food. The Vet suggested another Senior/Mature food made by Royal Canine that wasn't prescribed. I had success with it with Steffie for only a few days, then I was back to scrambling for alternatives. You know all about what I'm saying here.

The unfortunate thing, reading this email just didn't help me because it opened Pandora's Box.

Just like the other morning when I went to the store and walked by the baby food section. I can't look at that area, just like I can't look at the Vet's office as I drive by. Just like feeding the deer and birds here everyday, it hurts and it serves no excitement anymore because that was, as well as other scheduled activities, a big deal for Steffie as well as I. As you know with Holly, its ALL those MANY, MANY little things, things that you would say to Holly or Steffie. You probably have caught yourself repeating those same little sayings to your other dogs, and then you catch yourself thinking,...."Wait, I can't say that to them, that was reserved for just Holly and myself."

Even though I Have SO MUCH to be Thankful for, it all means absoilutely nothing when they are gone. All you can do is survive, and play the time game.

I now have made a little bit of a rule, I have put Holly's medications and vet receipts for her last visit and her ashes and bed together and packed them away where I cant accidently come across them, same for any emails etc about her.

Her walks were a big deal and she would bark and get excited, but I still have to walk my other dogs and have finally started to enjoy it again and we do a lot of playing which is fun. Holly used to ride in the front seat of my car but I have now allowed my next oldest dog to ride there. A bit difficult to get used to but she is is a bit of a snuggler and she likes to sit right up close to me or put her head on my leg, which is nice. I still imagine Holly there but I have to move forward.

Trouble with surviving and playing the time game is that we are all getting older and running out of time. Life is a gift and we need to make the best of it. I miss Holly all the time, but my other dogs rescue me. I love their soft muzzles and smiling faces and the way they all love me and lie around me when I work on the computer and are ready for action at the drop of the hat.

I suspect it is going to be a pretty long haul time wise and you need to find something that helps to start to make you happy again. Only you can work that one out.

For me I am really appreciating my other dogs and I have got back into training them again so I can start competing with them when the herding trials start again. I also love hiking with them. I think without them I would be super miserable and thoughts of doing things with Holly would bring me right down much worse than they already do. I dont know if I would get over her loss without them so I can imagine where you are at the moment. Very hard.

Earl, I am not a religious person in the traditional sense of the word, but I am wondering if the reason Steffie appeared to you in a dream smiling is to try and let you know that she is okay. She would want you to be happy and to try and move forward.

My horse came to me in a dream the night he died to say goodbye maybe because I hadnt seen him in awhile and my dad came to me I think to pass on a message to my mother and sister.

Holly did not come to me in a dream perhaps because she knew I have my other dogs to help me through. Just a thought, but either way the dream visit from Steffie was definitely for a reason, she would definitely know how you would react to her loss. The one from my dad just after he died was enormously helpful to me. I still remember it clearly in detail many years later.

Yes, you are extremely fortunate to have already had your other companions with you. Your direct anecdote. Believe me, I know all about 'getting older' & 'running out of time'. That has a lot to do with my situation of Steffie being only 9.

Moon_Beam was 'right on' though, as per me needing to look after 'me'. At the same time that I still feel exhausted, I still feel like I'm suppose to be administering medications. I did it so damn long, I'm totally lost now with nothing to worry about. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? When I hear that 'I should get on with my life', well, since 1993, my life was working and one companion. Thats all I really cared about. Then when I went on my own with work, I was with my companion 24/7. You combine the 24/7 and the long, long roller coaster ride with Steffie, I'm just simply lost in space. As of the past month, I am now having to take care of my Parent's Taxes, etc, etc.. My Father now can no longer do it. I also have a very dark cloud that has been overhead since October 22, that I'm on hold awaiting to see whether the ruling will benefit me or put me out of business. It is called the 'ITAR FEE/REGISTRATION'. A newly orchestrated maneuver on behalf of our communist leader 'Hussein Obama' to do extensive damage. The fee I'm looking at is 'only' $2,250.00' 'Annually'. This ITAR has decimated this business, leaving stragglers hanging on by a thread, just waiting to fall. 'ONLY' the huge major manufacturers will sustain this. I will survive whether I'm still in business or not. It's the 'TOTAL' picture of EVERYTHING these days, or, at least, in this country.

Yes, I have a full plate. 'NOTHING' has gone right since Steffie started showing signs of going into Stage 4. I've only mentioned the tip of the iceberg. So, as per me getting on with my life, I often wonder what that would entail. I've said many times through the years, in the midst of so many 'Optimists' roaming the earth, that I was a pessimist......a pessimist because I would never be dissapointed when something went wrong. The Roman Empire lasted 5 centuries. I know you are not in the U.S., but, irregardless, if a sharp person has been paying strict attention the past 15+ years, let alone the past 8-9 years, the 'Good 'Ole Days' disappeared some time ago. I look back at what I was paying for Vet Costs for Schatszie during 1993-2005. It still wasn't too bad through 2008 with Steffie. BUT, shortly thereafter, I was shocked with how 'GREED' and 'Out-In-The-Open-Massive-Corruption' has taken TOTAL control in this world with a ZERO conscience. IT IS the survival of the fittest now. I do not wear rose colored glasses. I see things the way they really are, but, that doesn't mean I wake up everyday hating every absolute thing.

When I said that our dog(Our Pets) was the only 'SANE' thing LEFT in this world, I wasn't just whistling dixie. I would love for someone to prove me wrong. During my time with Steffie, make no mistake......it WAS OBSCENELY EXPENSIVE. I learned something along the way, taking care of her, especially after she was issued her death sentence. When a University Vet Clinic, which USED TO BE known for discounted vet care FOR YEARS.....'A Teaching Environment', IS NOW charging MORE THAN a standard Vet, whom are already OUT OF SIGHT as per majority, with a ZERO CONSCIENCE for the animal, but instead $$$$, the system is not only CORRUPT, it's ROTTEN. The same goes for human health care, BUT, our poor defenseless animals have now been targeted BECAUSE these THIEVES know that we would DO ANYTHING to save our beloved companions.

After having said all of this, it killed me to loose Steffie 'At 9 yrs'. But, what I witnessed in care of her, I'm simply paranoid . This GREED thing is NOT going to get better. It will get WORSE. Me getting another companion has zero to do with ITAR, or whether I'm still in business.

As my Grandmother always said,..."Theres a bottom to everybodie's barrel".

I think the good ole days are probably long gone everywhere, though from the sound of it I am rather glad I live outside the USA although I suspect our cost of living is higher with fuel being US$10 a gallon recently. I try and live a really simple life and have very few mod cons or fancy electronic stuff, just the bare basics. I dont even have a smart phone LOL. I have seen small businesses fold annually where I am and some towns have become almost ghost towns.

However I am am optimist in my own personal life but am never really surprised or dissapointed when things dont work out. I just roll with it as best I can and I consider myself reletively lucky compared to in some areas in the world. I have lived in some of those places in my lifetime.

Yes my pets keep me sane. That is the point and why I have them and will continue to have them for as long as I can. I also happen to be passionate about training my dogs, before that it was exteme sports. I have always done the best I can and earned my money at work but I work to live, not the other way round, so I have always had things to do in my life, mainly around enjoying nature, that make me really happy and along with my dogs keep me sane.

Getting on with your life is important but it is up to you to choose how you do it, no one else has the right to tell you how. It just may take a lot of time, it is not something you can just do instantly. I hope the ruling works in your favour, you sound like you have a lot on your plate. But yes you do need to find a way to look after yourself although it is not always easy. I see people all around me dealing with stuff in their lives, I deal with stuff in my life, it does seem to be getting worse.

At $10.00/gal on fuel, that is a major hit in your pocket book. I would be curious to know how much of that $10.00 is 'taxes'. A while back I was doing some business with a guy in California. He was telling me of business after business shutting their doors. Shotgun houses on the market for $150-200,000 +. Realistically, other than Hollywood, I do not understand how ANYONE can afford to live there via their ignorant politics. Most have moved here the past 6 years.

Thankfully, I have ALWAYS repaired everything myself.....electrical/plumbing/auto, all except home A/C. Politicians/Government day by day are restricting certain materials requiring a license. They are ONLY interested in the revinue, not environment or safety.

It just really ticks me off that our Pets are now being held hostage with these ever increasing vet costs. For those that cannot fix their own things, etc., I do not know how they can afford an ill pet, after their monthly living expenses. I don't even want to know what the average person's credit card balance is here in the U.S.. It would probably shock you.

Steffie and I were very lucky. My Father helped me some, but I didn't have any mortgage or outstanding debts. It all just left a bad taste in my mouth of what I was being charged to keep her alive, with never any surgeries.

I'm just in a suspended state of anger and nillness. I don't see the U.S. making it to 3 centuries let alone another 10 years. But, the same picture exists everywhere else. 'Water' will be the deciding factor down the road, not fossil fuels, as the worldwide population continues to explode. The unfortunate thing with all of this are our animals and pets. You think its bad now with all these stray animals, just wait.

As you with Holly, I'm am glad that Steffie came into my life. She provided a different angle that I had not previously experienced with a companion. AS such, it has been very hard without them.

For Moon_Beam, I hope against hope that Noah will be by her side for many more years.

Aside from the mortgage, fuel bills are my biggest expense because of the distances I travel and taxes are quite high including tax on fuel. These days if you have a family I would expect both parents have to work although everyone still seems to have and be glued to their mobile phones and fancy tech etc.

Yeah I do most repairs myself except for electrical and airconditioning. I have laid floors, tiled bathrooms, roofed verandahs, built sheep yards and do my own fencing and repair leaking plumbing. I have mainly been lucky with vet stuff with some major surgery being done for a fraction of the cost by a good friend now retired or I was lucky to have insurance on one dog that needed $6000 worth done. Still it hasnt been cheap but because I spend very little on anything else I always have a backup fund for the dogs. My mother has also helped on occassion in a tight spot. Here if you live in an affluent area the vet costs are ridiculous, same for specialist surgery. At least my local vet has fair prices, mind you she wouldnt be here if they wern't.

I visited a great aunt living in San Francisco years ago and a young friend of hers took me around. I was surprised to see so many apparently vietnam vets with placards asking for money or work. They seemed to be everywhere on nearly every corner.

Yes water will be key to the future. I live on the edge of a desert so it is definitely in short supply here. No lush gardens in this area. Uncertain future out here for sure.

Yes dogs are amazing companions in everyway. They make me happy.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, I can so relate to how you're feeling with just about everything in your life going wrong in addition to dealing with the reality of a companion's ill health. I have known so very often in my life screaming to the sky "when is enough - - enough????!!!" - - and trying to keep from falling into a deep pit of despair. When we are constantly bombarded by negative experiences it is perfectly natural to acquire a very leary outlook on the prospects of anything better happening. Our precious companions do indeed help to keep us sane when everything else in our lives is insane, and when they are not with us their physical absence makes everything that is going wrong worse. I hope things will be resolved for you financially, Earl - - at least this would help to lift some of the burden from your shoulders and mind.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam