I get such a comforting and bright feeling when I come here and read the insights and the reassurance you all give. It is a blessing.

I just wanted to share with you the wonderful gift I got today on my birthday. This afternoon I laid down and was taking a good long nap when suddenly I was awoke from my sleep by one single loud attention getting bark. And I instantly recognized it a Sarah's bark. I was still groggy when I heard it and I replied back " what cha want baby girl". I then realized what had happened and while still sort of stunned I thanked her and told her I love you.
Now perhaps I was dreaming but I've yet to really have a dream with Sarah in it for some reason. And I've never had a dream with such a loud sound that it would wake me up, and the bark didn't come from outside, that bark was in my bedroom just as plain as day. So at least however it came to be, that one, loud, I want you to wake up kind of a bark was the most beautiful bark I've ever heard and from it I have been given the gift of some real relief from my very troubled broken heart and renewed confidence that me and Sarah are physically separated for only a little while.

Hi Russ,

How wonderful it is that Sarah made her presence known to you with that loud bark. Shortly after Joe and Steve died I heard scratching around in a litter box that was no longer there. Two times it woke me up from a sound sleep. I have also heard scratching on the dining room chairs in the other room and several times I have felt phantom kitty feet at the end of my bed. My boys have appeared to me in several dreams, but most of these dreams happened after I got past the really hard grieving. I almost feel like my deep grief was blocking them from coming to me. At first these things made me sad for the loss of their physical presence with me, but I have come to appreciate these visits. On occasion, I still light candles for them and have a little chat with them. Tears are always so close to the surface during these times, but it makes me feel close to them still. It's been 10 weeks since they left and I can hardly believe it's been so long.

Your recent posts sound as if you are starting to heal a bit and I'm so happy the deep pain is being eased somewhat for you. When the time is right somewhere down the line, you will have so much love and companionship to offer to another furry one. I'm not sure if that's something you've thought about, but how lucky a sweet puppy will be to have someone as devoted as you to live with and love.

Here's hoping you'll have a good day and Happy Birthday to you (belated). (My 50th is coming next month.)

CritzyJ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this WONDERFUL gift your beloved Sarah has given you - - the reassurance that her sweet Living Spirit is with you. Hearing her bark is not a figment of your imagination - - it is REAL - - and I am SOOO HAPPY for you that this experience happened on your birthday. May you and your beloved Sarah continue to have more "experiences" together.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello, I just wanted to talk a little today, Yes Sarah gave me a great birthday present last week, and since then I've had a couple other little hints to let me know she is o.k. Even though these things are very comforting I am still very distraught. Little moments sneak up on me and I am swept back to the time right before she left. These moments stop me cold in my tracks and I'm hit with a brief panic-like attack. I get an all over chill and that just got punched in the stomach feeling, and I feel a silent scream of dis-belief and reality building inside. That's the only way I can best put feelings into words.
I've never before experienced these strong emotions to this extent. The layered feelings of regret, sorrow, guilt, intense loss and the horrible feeling of helplessness in a situation that you are powerless to stop, are all felt simultaneously along with an intense focused love.

Thank you all so much, as more time passes I find myself again and again having new found admiration and appreciation for this site and for each of you.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal through this deep grief adjustment journey. I promise you it will not always be this way - - but until this time comes for you please know that what you are feeling is very normal, and we are here for you to help you through the difficult moments, to share with you the better moments, and to try to comfort you through the moments when your heart feels like it can no longer endure the burden of the deepest sorrow you have ever known.

Sometimes words of comfort can sound trite and meaningless. Sometimes lisentening without speaking is the best way to share another's deepest sorrow. I truly hope somehow you feel my sincerest friendship reaching out to you across the cyber miles to try to offer you comfort during this very difficult adjustment in your life.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, yes it is comforting to have someone who knows your heart-ache. I truly need a way to get my feeling out, not only for my own sake but for honoring Sarah. I start to feel claustrophobic in a sense, I have all of this love I hold inside that I want show my baby girl and by expressing it to someone is in a way like letting Sarah know how much I love her.
Some days are better than other but the nights are difficult. At times I feel a separation that is unbearable. I hope my mind will one day convince my feelings to keep a positive outlook in knowing that one day I will be reunited with her in a way that will be better than I could try to imagine. Thank you for your friendship and much needed prayers. Russ

Dear Russ

My heart and my eyes are crying to hear your story of your beautiful Sarah going back home to the Perfect World. Every single thing you say about the shock and awe of the emptiness and the so-many punches in the stomach and the not being able to do ANYTHING is absolutely true. It's the worst experience in my life so far - I imagine losing a sister will be much more painful but it hasn't happened yet.

From her place in the perfect World, Sarah has seen your grief for her and has sent you some unmistakeable signs that she STILL exists, She's OK, and she STILL LOVES YOU. As Moonbeam points out many times, we live in a word of senses - if we can see, hear, touch, taste or smell something we call it real. If we can't, we say it doesn't exist. But Sarah and many other animals have proven that this is NOT TRUE, Who else barkedd in your house? Who else did I glimpse for a tiny instant on waking a couple of days after my Grettta - the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived - went home?

Little Sarah seearched the entire universe to find you - just you - her one and only soul-mate. She shared years of love and life with you. And then she had to back home - where you WILL join her one day and be together forever. Soul-mates exchange pieces of each others' souls - she gave you a piece of hers and she held a piece of yours. This piece of your heart she took with her to the Perfect World, where she continues to trasure it. And the piece of her soul that she left with you, while it's breaking your heart many times each day right now, will be a source of love and strength for you until the two of you meet again. Meanwhile, Sarah's spirit is still wher she ever was: walking beside you every step you take, guiding your path, protecting you from harm, and most of all, sharing the love you two shared from the moment you met. True love like yours and Sarah's NEVER DIES.

Please be easy on yourself, Russ. If you have to stay inside for days on end, then do it. it won't last forever. We "solos" can do things that others who live with other people can't. I slept on my Rufus's orthopedic dog bed for more than a week after he passed (a very sad story for another time) just to feel closer to him. Hang on to the thread of Sarah's love and the friendship and understanding of your friends here on LS who DO understand because we've been there.

Have a calm dat, Russ, and please keep letting us know how you are doing. (And all of us know it's a SLOW, UPHILL lourney - it doesn't really end until you're reunited with your beloved furbaby.)

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Hello Gretta and Rufus's mom, I have been trying for days to access this site, it would come up as page not available but it worked today.
What a wonderful gift that your Gretta gave you even if only for fleeting moment. I know that the love that exists so strongly between us and our loved ones that have passed is felt and keeps us bonded together till the day we are reunited. Thank you so much for your words, I am so fortunate to have found this forum and those who are here are so helpful in a time when that help is badly needed.
I miss Sarah and need her close by, and I find myself stopping many times a day as the reality that she is gone hits me in the chest time and time again. I then take in a deep breath and let it out with the frustration of never wanting this to happen.

When I'm on here I feel that this is the time when I can show her how much her daddy loves her. Being able to tell and show the love that I have for her is a need that I have now more than ever and finding a way to express that love is a must. This forum allows me to do that and I really feel like she receives that love that I try to put into words here. It's been almost 7 weeks since she left and I find that as time has passed what once was shock now becomes pain. It is a very lonely road to walk.
I Love You Sarah with everything that I am. Thank You all, Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, indeed, when our hearts are deeply grieving we can feel very lonely, very isolated - - as though we are on the "outside of life" - - not feeling connected to the world at all - - because OUR WORLD has drastically changed - - it is not the same as it was and will always be different.

It is an honor for us to share your beloved Sarah with you - - for sharing your beloved Sarah with us is a way of keeping the "eternal flame" of her sweet Living Spirit glowing for all the world to share. You, Russ, are her sole, and soul, beneficiary of her eternal love.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[size="4"][/size]A few people I know said I should get another dog. When I would hear this I would immediately reject the idea and didn't want to hear anymore about it. I thought I'm not going to try to replace Sarah and to me that's what it would amount to. So I guess I was defending Sarah. Has anyone else felt this way?
I feel I would be betraying her because she is the only dog I've ever had and she has all of my heart. I don't know how to think about this, right now the thought of having another dog doesn't feel right at all. Sarah is so very special to me and I fear another dog would take away some of those feelings that belong to her. Has anyone else had these concerns or perhaps can shed some light on this. Thank you very much. Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some comfort in reassuring that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "I feel I would be betraying her because she is the only dog I've ever had and she has all of my heart." Of course your beloved Sarah has all of your heart - - and she always will - - for she will ALWAYS have her own special place in your heart that belongs only to her. However, this doesn't mean that you cannot love another companion - - for the love bond you would form with a new companion would be uniquely different from what you share with your beloved Sarah - - it would in NO WAY be a betrayal to the love bond you and your beloved Sarah share.

Adopting another companion is a very personal decision - - one that only YOU can make. Some people find adopting a companion quickly after a loss helps to ease the pain of the deep sorrow. Some people wait until their deep sorrow has eased so that they can feel they can embrace a new companion into their hearts and lives. Some people fill the emptiness of the physical absence of their companion by pet sitting for friends and family members, while other people get involved with rescue and foster care of homeless waifs who are patiently waiting for a Forever Home. And some people never adopt another companion - - for whatever reason. Only YOU can decide if / when you are ready to embrace another companion into your heart and home, Russ, and whatever decision you make will be the RIGHT ONE for you. The most important thing for you to remember is that there is no rush into making this decision - - at some point in time if you find yourself seriously considering a new companion you will know if / when the time is RIGHT to pursue this. And you can be assured that your beloved Sarah will be guiding your path to that moment when you'll know beyond all shadow of a doubt that it is the RIGHT match.

I hope this helps you, Russ. Once again, I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon_beam, I thank you for your insight and kindness. I will study on what you said, it's a very healthy outlook. This forum becomes even more important as time goes on because like what I'm now seeing is the understanding that people around me have shown seems to taper off over time, and they can give the impression that it's time for me to get back to normal. I understand that it's natural for them to feel that way and I don't have any ill feeling towards them. All of this really shows me just how special and important this forum is, which I'm sure many here have discovered. All of you are truly wonderful and give so much, I just cannot thank you enough.
Sarah's Dad, Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Although clinical professionals now recognize that the grief adjustment journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is identical to, and as painful as, the physical loss of a human family member or friend, our society in general does not, and sadly this sometimes includes some of the people who are the closest to us both emotionally and geographically. The reality is that what had been "normal" for you in the past included your beloved Sarah - - and sadly your "normal" is now undergoing a HUGE and painful transformation into a "new normal" of what YOU determine to be RIGHT for you - - and this can only be determined one day at a time in your own way and in your own time. No one else can tell you what this is, Russ.

This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here - - for it is a safe place where each of us can come to share what is in our hearts with others who truly understand what we are going through without the fear of judgment and being told how / what we "should be" doing, feeling, thinking, etc.. By ourselves we find ourselves feeling crushed under the heavy burden of our deepest sorrow. Together we offer each other our mutual comfort, support, encouragement, and hope - - which gives us the strength to endure the deepest sorrow until we find ourselves in a "better place" in our grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, In some ways I'm doing a little better now, but the feeling of being lost is always there. I guess as I keep going I'll eventually make it out of the woods. Here in a couple of weeks I'm going to drive my parents down to their winter home in Florida. They are both in their mid 80's and they can still drive ok but they asked me if I would drive them down in their car and I'd fly back after a week or two. I know they asked me to do this so I could get away from my house for a while and be around someone as opposed to being alone all the time.
I'm not sure how this is gonna go but I guess it would be a good thing. My biggest concern is dealing with the feeling I get when I'm away from the house which is an urgent sense of needing to get home. Because when Sarah needed my constant care anytime I would go somewhere I would be in a hurry to get back home, and it was like that for nearly a year. So now I still get that need to get home to take care of her feeling which isn't pleasant. So being gone for a week or two is something I'll have to deal with. All these thoughts and feelings are new to me even at the age of 50, but I've never loved as much as I love Sarah. Thank you and I'll be back here before I leave for sure. Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "My biggest concern is dealing with the feeling I get when I'm away from the house which is an urgent sense of needing to get home. Because when Sarah needed my constant care anytime I would go somewhere I would be in a hurry to get back home, and it was like that for nearly a year. So now I still get that need to get home to take care of her feeling which isn't pleasant. So being gone for a week or two is something I'll have to deal with." This is a part of the normal grief adjustment journey, Russ - - the "re-conditioning" your daily routines that no longer includes the physical needs of your beloved Sarah. It doesn't come easy.

Driving your parents to their Florida home and being away from your home is another "first" for you on this winding road of your grief adjustment journey. I hope your travels will be safe, Russ. And hopefully you will know that wherever you are, wherever you go, whatever you do - - your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever with you in your heart and your memories.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello, Two months ago today my girl went away. This has been the most horrific 8-weeks of my life, very much surpassing the end of an 18-year marriage or the hardship of losing a 25-year long job. I would gladly endure those things many times over to avoid this pain. It's not a good day today. I'll be leaving for Florida with my parents a week from this coming Monday. It's going to be hard.
Thank you all so very much, I'll stop by here before I take-off. Daddy Loves You Sarah, you are my baby girl.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Sarah's two month angel-versary. During the deep grief everything in our life - - past, present, and future - - is measured by the deep sorrow in our hearts. There is nothing that compares to each major event in our life - - marriage, birth of a child, physical loss of a parent or friend, divorce, employment - - for each event is unique. And the same is especially true when it comes to our companions. NOTHING can compare to the joy in our hearts when we embrace the life and needs of a precious companion into our hearts and lives, and NOTHING compares to the deepest sorrow and seering pain of grief when they precede us to the angels. Please let me try to offer you some reassurance and comfort that what you are feeling is very normal deep sorrow, Russ.

Thank you also for sharing with us this wonderful picture of your beloved Sarah. It is obvious from the expression in her eyes and on her face that she KNOWS she is "daddy's girl" - - always and forever.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Russ, I am so sorry for your sad loss of Sarah. She looks like a wonderful, beautiful girl and I know you both have been lucky to have each other. I also lost my precious girl but I feel so lucky for the time we had together. And I know that Sarah will stay with you in your heart and her spirit will continue to touch you with her love every single day. You will never be alone because Sarah will ALWAYS be with you, like my Emma is with me. Yes, I'm heartbroken too, but the love is always there. Hold onto that and the good days will become the memories that stay with you. Love, Karen

Karen, I can tell Emma is so very special. I do know the heart wrenching pain of loss you feel. It is a life-changing sorrow. Since Sarah left, she has redefined for me how very precious life truly is. She taught me so many lessons of life and she is still teaching me. That girl has given me an abundance of love and has made my heart grow 100-times bigger. She truly is a blessing beyond definition. During her life she put up with my stupidity without complaint. And she behaved perfectly around people and other animals. When I'd bring her with me to someones house for the first time they would come to see the close and special bond we had. They would ask me - do you want to put her out-back in case she needs to potty, and I'd tell them that's not necessary, she'll ask me to take her out if she needs to go. And people would grab up bowls of chips and stuff off their coffee table when we'd walk in and I'd have to assure them that she has very good manners. And you know Sarah acted this way because it was in her nature, I didn't have to train her, she had to train me to better understand what she was trying to tell me. And this went for our walks too. I didn't use a leash because she wanted to walk with me. We were as close as two souls could be and this is what has caused me to hurt so intensely. She is my baby girl.
I'm leaving tomorrow to drive my elderly parent to their house at Ft. Myers Beach where they spend the winter. I'm going to be there for 3-weeks to help my Dad do some work around the house. I really don't want to go as I feel closer to Sarah when I'm home, so I hope she will come with me for the trip, and fly back with me as well. Really it's a little scary leaving but I know I'll be glad that I got to spend time with my folks. I'm bringing my lap-top so I can reach this forum. Thank you everyone, and God bless each of you. Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope your and your parents travels will be safe.

And please know that your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit will be with you wherever you go, whatever you do -- for she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello, I'm back home from the 3-weeks spent with my parents in southwest Florida. I haven't spent a lot of time with my folks over the years and I never gave it much thought until I lost Sarah. Now the time I spent with them is very precious to me and I hope to spend a lot more time with them in the spring when they come back for the summer. I'm amazed at how much Sarah changed my heart and I'm still discovering just how truly blessed I have been.
It's been almost 12-weeks since I had to let her go and the pain is just as fresh and piercing as it's ever been. I Love and miss my baby girl so much, it's so hard to live with such a great loss.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm glad you enjoyed your time with your parents, and that your travels were safe - - and hopefully uneventful with all the icy snowy weather that has adversely affected travelers.

Russ, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "It's been almost 12-weeks since I had to let her go and the pain is just as fresh and piercing as it's ever been. I Love and miss my baby girl so much, it's so hard to live with such a great loss." It is very normal for your feelings of loss to feel still fresh and piercing, for you are still very much in the early stages of your adjustment journey to the physical absence of your beloved Sarah. But I promise you, Russ, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find that the seering pain in your heart and life has eased, and you feel the warmth of your and your beloved Sarah's eternal love warm your heart. It's there right now, but your heart is still filled with the pain of grief that makes your heart ache with deep sorrow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for this encouragement. I think it's really tough right now because enough time has passed to where in my day-to-day life I have to go it alone and keep this pain to myself because the compassion from those around me has all but ended, and I thank God for this forum for being able to talk about how I feel. Living alone I live with the cold reality of not having Sarah around that is devastating. Currently being laid-off and staying home all the time doesn't do one any good either. This experience has softened my heart and made me aware of the value of many things that I may never had realized before it was too late. I just wish I could thank Sarah for blessing my life more than I had ever dreamed. It's been 3 months today since we parted sweetheart, I Love You with all my heart Sarah, you're daddy's precious baby girl and you are so very badly missed. Russ

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Traveling a grief adjustment journey when everything else is "right" or "normal" in our lives is difficult enough. Adjusting to the physical absence of a beloved companion in addition to dealing with multiple challenges such as unemployment can intensify the sorrow. Your beloved Sarah is very proud of you for embracing her eternal love which has, in turn, given you a heart of compassion - - and allowing it to grow toward others. Each time you reach out to someone who is hurting you are honoring your beloved Sarah and the eternal love bond you and your beloved Sarah share. And I hope you can hear your beloved Sarah's soft whisper in your heart saying, "well done, daddy. I am so proud of you."

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, I do struggle so badly with sorrow. Like I've said before, I've never experienced such a loss as this, not even close.
A friend of mine watched a rabbit for someone while they were on vacation. I met the bunny and it was very friendly. Yesterday I was told that the people were going to get rid of the rabbit because one of their kids became allergic to it. The rabbit lives in a cage in their basement and I'm told it just sits in there by itself and only sees anybody when they give it food and water. Anyway the rabbit was going to be put down for lack of finding it a home. So I said I'd take the bunny. I'm going to pick up the rabbit tomorrow along with it's cage, food and other stuff. The people said that a few years ago before they had kids that the rabbit was free to hop around the house and that it used the litter box. I thought to myself that to go from being able to move around the house freely and receive attention to being secluded in a cage in the basement is kind of sad. I've told Sarah that we're gonna be getting a bunny so it can live out it's life with us. I don't think rabbits live that long so it's probably in it's last years but at least I hope to show it some attention and freedom. I'm sure it would be happier not being locked up 24/7.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing - - AND for sharing with us the wonderful news of your new bunny companion. This is WONDERFUL!! I know your beloved Sarah is so very proud of you. If you are a first time bunny dad, there are "maintenance" issues you will need to familiarize yourself with that rabbits need nutritionally as well as their teeth, etc., and you may want to check with your veterinarian to see if he / she treats rabbits, or if he / she can refer you to a veterinarian who does. I wish a long and happy earthly journey for the both of you, Russ, and please let us know how things are going.

I firmly believe that your beloved Sarah has guided your and this bunny's path to this moment in time when the both of you can embrace one another's tender love and companionship.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, I'm learning quite a bit about bunnies, I just didn't want this one be put down for no reason. Today Christmas day has been an especially bad day for me as Sarah always enjoyed opening her gifts. I miss so so very much.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The holidays can be very painful when our hearts are grieving the physical absence of a beloved companion. This holiday season is one of those "first withouts" that are so difficult to endure. Still, I hope somehow you were able to feel your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit with you and your new bunny companion yesterday.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yes the holidays are just not the same now. I miss Sarah so very much, I never will understand the horrific sorrows of life. It seems so cruel to know and share such a love I've never before found and then have her taken away. Sarah is the only real joy I've ever had and was able to share that wonderful joy with her. I've lost the best thing in the world and the emptiness I have is unbearable. I hurt a lot thinking of how much Sarah loved life and how much joy she could have had. I cry out at night telling her I'm sorry baby girl, daddy's so sorry I couldn't help her. This is hard for me but I am deeply saddened that she wasn't able to live a longer life, she was so positive and always wanted to go out and live. Life isn't at all what I thought it once was.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Life isn't at all what I thought it once was." When our companions come into our hearts, our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly painful task of "reinventing" our daily routines that no longer include the physical and emotional needs of our beloved companions. Establishing "new normals" is painful, and can only be done one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in our own way and in our own time. But we do so with the reassurance from our beloved companions that their sweet Living Spirit continues to be with us, that they continue to share our earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a heartbeat close to us. We endure through this painful grief adjustment journey so that one day we can once again find a renewed "purpose" to our daily routines -- in loving honor to the eternal love we share with our beloved companions.

It is hard to feel the "promise" of a new year when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow. I hope and pray that you will feel your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit offering you comfort and support and encouragement so that one day you will be able to smile again as you continue your earthly journey - - which is what your beloved Sarah wants.

I hope today is treating you and your new companion kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, and thank you so very much for your thoughts and prayers, they help so much. And knowing Sarah is still with me is the best thing I could ever want.
It's been almost 4-months now and I think of Sarah several times during each waking hour. I haven't dreamed a lot about Sarah and for me that's ok because my dreams are always so vivid and real that I'm not sure it would be a good thing. It seems crying has become a normal part of my day along with a deep emptiness. I love that little girl so much and I've not been able to handle looking at pictures and videos yet. I struggle to stay out of the depths of depression but it's tough.
Thank you again and the bunny is eating like a little horse. Russ

Hello Russ

I've just read your posts from beginning to end about wonderful Sarah and your suffering at having to help her pass over into the Perfect World. My tears are falling for you - and for myself, too. Over the past three years I've lost two of the most wonderful dogs in the universe: first, Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, a rescue, an "oldster" and the dog-of-my-heart. Then, Gretta sent me Rufus, my Big Black Dog - half lab, half-newfie. Also a rescue, 100# of pure puppy even though he was 7 or 8 years old. He had to "go home" all by himself because I was half a continent away helping to take care of my sister who was on the brink of going home herself (she's still here - thank God). Rufie had cancer of the spleen, which is not a mass but a tangle of newly formed blood vessels and so it can't be fixed by surgery. He was staying with his wonderful foster mother, who took him to the greatest vet on this earth, our Dr. Hinson, and after being rushed to the U of MN Vet School, who confirmed the diagnosis and that the cancer had spread to his pericardium and that he was slowly suffocating from lack of oxygen. Russ, I wil NEVER, EVER forget that phone call, during dinner, last March when the vet School called me and asked what I wanted to do. Of course I had no choice. And just as you feel awful regret at becoming angry with Sarah during the heroic months in which you went FAR FAR beyond even the most intense love to care for her, I feel the same sadness and regret that Rufus had to die alone. No one to hold his giant head, no one to stroke his velvet ears, no one to tell him that no matter how rambunctious he was he is still a truly GOOD dog, no one to tell him how much he IS loved. Most days I get by without crying, but now writing this, I am once again dissolved in tears.

I totally agree with you that coming to a firm realization that our animals ARE alive and that we WILL be reunited with them is a huge measure of consolation. In fact, like you, I have felt both Rufus's and Gretta's spirits near me, especially when I am in the kitchen or typing on the computer. Each of us grieves in his or her own way. I am a solo so I can get away with doing things that people who live with other people couldn't. During Gretta's decline, I bought her the best therapeutic dog bed I could find. I was so sad after her passing that I slept on the dog bed for over a week (it's almost big enough for a person - only my feet hang off the end).. And the only time I caught a glimpse of her was one morning just as i was opening my eyes I saw, not a chocolate lab but a red setter between the dog bed and her food/water bowl station. Even though it wasn't her breed, I knew it was Gretta coming to me to tell me she was OK.

Russ, our animals DO live on after they depart their physical life. Moonbeam - sort of the mother of the newly bereaved - had taught me SO much about how our babies are with us in spirit form just like before - only we can't see or hear them. I firmly believe that, like Gretta and Rufus for me, Sweet Sarah is right there beside you, guiding your steps, taking care of you, and most important sharing love with you. She left a piece of her soul behind for you to care for until you meet again and she took a piece of YOUR souls to care for until then too.

Gretta was my first dog as an adult, so I did not see the symptoms of her decline. I know every bluegrass and old C & W song ever written so for the next few months I made up words and sang them to Gretta. Most of them told her how sorry I was that I had not realized she was sick and that I was such a chicken that I left her in the U of M Vet School Hospital on her last night on earth. A friend of mine here on LS wrote me a poem in answer and it has consoled me for several years (although my eyes leak every time I sing it). it goes:

Oh mommy, mommy please don't worry
For there is nothing to forgive.
A life of peace and love and gladness
Is what I want for you to live.

Oh mommy, in the end as always
Nothing that you did was wrong.
No matter where I was I felt it
Your love for me was oh so strong

Just substiture "daddy" and I can hear Beautiful Sarah singing this song to you.

Some people say that the sadness turns to gladness after a while as you remember the good and happy times you had with your furbaby. I don't believe this. I believe that the sadness never DOES go away. Oh it gets less and your heart doesn't keep on feeling that it's just been short with a high-powered rifle. But for the while your soulmate lived with you, your soul was complete and now it's not. Rufus has been in the Perfect World for almost 10 months and I cry for him as much as the day I found out he'd gone home. Not as aften, but just as deeply. In fact, now when my human life is full of grief and sorrow over two family members, I look at the beautiful picture book that Rufus's foster mother made for me and tell Rufus, "Well Rufie, I guess we're the parents of this family. And with your strong back and deep love, I know we can make it."

I think it is particularly hard for a solo with whom the beloved furbaby has lived for many years. As hard as it had been for me, who has been sort of a vagabond in spirit if not so much in actual life, it must be much worse for someone who was rooted in a place - a place in which Sweet Sarah always lived.

Thank you, Russ, for posting those amazing pictures of Sarah. (I've tried to post pictures on LS but being an old fogey of 65 years old, the technology has defeated me so far.) She has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen - just FILLED and SHINING with love for you. And dogs don't think like humans do (lucky thing!). You remember the times Sarah hurt and the times you got frustrated as EVERY caretaker (of an animal or a person) does, but I can assure you without the slightest doubt, Sarah does not. All she remembers is that she had the most loving dad on earth and she is waiting for this wonderful man to show up at the gate to the Perfect World where she will jump into your arms, knock you over, and slobber all over your face with kisses. And then she'll drag you all around the Perfect World saying, "See I told you I had the best dad in the world."

I'm so happy about your new bunny. You know that Sarah sent him to you, don't you? What's the bunny's name? What does he or she look like? You ARE the best dad in the world with the best heart in the world - who saw what an impoverished life Mr Bunny had and opened your heart, with all its grief and love him and took him home.

You're a hero, Russ. You may not believe this, but I do.

Please stay in touch here on LS. Everyone here understands the agony you're going through and is here to support, encourage and love you.

Blessings today and every day ......

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious bunny companion are doing. I truly wish there was an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - knowing you are surrounded by friends on this wonderful forum who truly do understand what you are going through and who are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Even though the intense deep sorrow does eventually ease, and you will be able to remember your beloved Sarah with a smile does not mean that - - 20 years down the road when you are thinking of her that you won't feel a mist in your eyes and a quiver to your chin and a sadness in your heart. There will ALWAYS be a part of you that will deeply miss her sweet physical presence - - but the moments you find yourself feeling sad will not be as intense, and you will be able to say to your beloved Sarah, "I still love you, my sweet girl", and I know you will hear a soft whisper in your heart, "I love you, too, daddy -- I'm always with you."

Until it is your appropriate time to join your beloved Sarah in eternal joy, you are blessed with the privilege of being her living heir and witness of her earthly journey with you. Sharing her with us is one way of providing her a perpetual memorial of the eternal love you and your beloved Sarah share. And I thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Sarah with us.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you guys so much for your stories, thoughts and prayers. They do give importance to our loved ones who left. I admit I don't come here as often as I'd like, I just get overwhelmed with emotion because this is a sacred place. But tonight I was already shook up so it made it easier to come here. This evening I realized I didn't have my phone, I searched everywhere for it. I was extremely upset because it's full of pictures and short videos of Sarah. I had a panicky and stressful 3-hours. It's my only phone so I couldn't call it. I was very down then I got an email from a friend that I visited tonite and they said they found my phone. Big load off my shoulders very big. Things that are irreplaceable I need to be more careful with.
Mr. Bunny is a black and white 4 pound hopper. He's well behaved and has the run of the house, lucky for me he always uses the litter box which is nice. He looks at me when I cry for Sarah, I think all animals can sense those extreme emotions. Thank you all again, everyone has been through and going through terrible heartache, I am so very thankful for this forum. Blessings to each and all of you. Russ Fleenor

Russ I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my last dog this past monday and I was feeling the same, completely empty. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like my family died on me. It's amazing how attached I was.

I'm so very sorry. Yes it is a loss like no other. They are so very special. Our friends we love are waiting for us, that is what keeps me going. I miss my Sarah so bad. This forum helps a lot although when I come here a cold chill comes over me and soon I'm crying very hard. It's a connection, it's tough to face the emotion. It will be 5-months this Thursday since my Sarah left, I hurt inside as much as I ever have, I'm lost. The pain is a struggle each day. I miss my baby girl so much. I Love You Sarah
I will be praying for you. Take care and God Bless

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Sarah's 5 month angel-versary. During the deep grief our hearts measure time by the hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. But I promise you, Russ, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Sarah and your heart will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share, and you will feel yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Sarah wants for you.

But until this day comes for you, Russ, please know we are here for you through every step of your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi all, it's been six months now and although I'm not in that state of shock anymore I find it very difficult to look at Sarah's picture let alone the video clips I have of her. I miss her so much and I want to look at her pictures but if I even consider looking at them my stomach starts to quiver and my chest gets tight as I'm overcome by a wave of emotion. That wave takes a while to come out of and leaves me very depressed. I do talk to her and tell her I love her dozens of times a day. I can't recall a single hour I haven't thought about her. This is such a devastating loss and I'm much less of a person from it. My heart has taken a hit that's changed my life, but I now know the value of love and how precious each moment can be. Those moments are fleeting and now I'm left with the feeling of lone separation. There's nothing else that compares to the Love I have for my Sarah. She really is the Love of my life.

It's been 7-months since Sarah left and it hurts just as much as it did then. I miss her so very much and feel like exploding inside. I Love you Sarah so very much, Daddy

I miss you so very much Sarah. I Love You with all my Heart.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The angel-versaries can be very painful, particularly when the physical loss is still so very new which can continue to intensify the sorrow. Eventually, in your own way and in your own time, the intensity of your sorrow will ease. Does this mean you will forget your beloved Sarah? NEVER. Some people are afraid that as their deep grief eases this means they will forget their beloved companion. This will NEVER happen - - I promise you. And I also promise you that the love bond you and your beloved Sarah share is eternal.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Russ, I read your thread from start to finish late one night this week, while I was awake and suffering also with my little dog which I believe is undergoing the same sad disorder that ultimately took your Sarah from you. Mine has also been a long ordeal and it has taken a great toll on my life. I am so thankful that I still have my precious Teddy, but I know that our days together here are numbered. I felt such deep sadness for you and all this week have not been able to distance myself from your story and the need to write a reply to you. I don't know if you'll ever see this letter but I hope you will receive it.

Like you, my little dog, Teddy, is the only dog I've ever had of my very own, and I'm a decade ahead of you in years so I do understand the deep bond that forms between us and our pets at this stage of our lives, and most importantly, when you have been the sole caretaker of a very ill and very painful and suffering pet. It is a unique experience and very hard to find peace and resolution, but I feel I have a few things to say to you that I hope will help you, and I have been praying that I would. I believe the good Lord led me to your post, as yours was the only one I really read in depth, and I feel He wants you to hear words of peace and encouragement from someone who does understand.

I would like for this to be the day that your suffering ends over Sarah, Russ. I know the challenge of caring for a dog with IVDD and I know that you are one in a million, because I have given the same level of care to my Teddy over the past 1 1/2 years, and made many sacrifices to provide relief and happiness for him. Seeing your dog go through so much suffering for such an extended period of time, the wear and tear on your nerves, lack of sleep, financial obligations, all of these things really set you back, and I think after reading your posts that you were drained dry caring for Sarah and her passing away has gotten you stuck and not able to make the recovery that you should and are entitled to make. I understand this because of previous losses in my own life. So I want to suggest to you, that you go to your doctor and discuss taking an antidepressant for a short period of time, and something to make you sleep good. This will help you begin to get your head above water. And next I want you to get out and think about bringing other good and healing relationships into your life. I think that you would be very happy to have another dog, and I even suggest two young dogs, if they are puppies you can look forward to many years of joy with the dogs, and they will keep each other company and not become to overly attached to you as in what happened with Sarah, and with my own dog also.

Russ, the Lord gave us a wonderful gift in animals. They were given to serve us in this life, and to make us happy. They were never intended to be sorrow and heartache to us. When one of God's children looses a pet, it is kept in heaven for us. God values all the things that we love in this life. And animals are harmless and have no reason whatsoever to not be happy in the new Kingdom of God. Let this comfort you, and release you from any misgivings about the way you cared in the end for Sarah, and to let your heart be open to loving many dogs in this life, and letting the Lord lay them up in heaven for you. They are intended to be here to give you joy, not pain. Our pets do not experience illness and suffering the way we do. God has put special checks and balances into their nature to help them cope with this without the same suffering humans experience.

There are many joyful days and years ahead for you, Russ. Take your life back, and think only happy thoughts about Sarah. Let her only the the first of a long line of darling dogs that you will care for as Christ would have you to do, but never again let this kind of pain be associated with one of God's gifts to you. He loves you and wants joy for you.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Russ,

Just stumbled across your post and couldn't stop reading. You remind me so much of my dad.

When I was an older teen (18 or 19), I adopted a dog from the shelter, socialized him (he was incredibly, incredibly fearful of humans, any noises whatsoever, everything), and then started to drift away from the family. About that time, one of my dad's chronic conditions got a lot worse, and he was laid off from his job of 22 years. He took to walking that dog every day, a little longer each time, and when it came time for me to move out, I couldn't part them - they had become best buddies. That dog got him through a lot - his layoff, his illness, his divorce, then his move from comfy house into cramped apartment. They are still together, but I fear they don't have much time. (I'm here because I just lost my girl, a German Shepherd; his boy is a lab mix.)

Anyway -- it's clear how much you and Sarah loved - and continue to love - each other. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that it has gotten a bit, well, not easier, there's nothing easy about this... but I hope that the load on your shoulders has lessened a little with each month. I hope that the happy memories have slowly overwhelmed the sadness and emptiness - I know that's what Sarah would want for you.

Peace to you.

Click to view attachmentThank you all for your love, It's been 10 months since Sarah passed. Tears still fall almost daily, as hard as I try to focus I so often am overwhelmed. Posting here helps and takes an emotional toll. My first and last thoughts each day are of you Sarah. I Love You So Very Much Baby Girl. Daddy's never going to leave your side, not here nor in Heaven. You are safe in my heart.

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Sarah. No matter how much time passes in our grief adjustment journey there will be times when our hearts and arms will ache to hold our beloved companion just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime. The adjustment to their physical absence is a very painful one both emotionally and physically. When our hearts are going through deep sorrow it is hard to focus on the happiness that is in our lives. I hope as you continue your journey that you will find the intense pain ease just a little bit each day so that you can focus on the joy of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share - - for your beloved Sarah only wants happiness for you.

I hope today is treating you and your bunny companion kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious bunny are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, thank you so much. Today is a very hard day. One year ago Sarah went away. I really have no words to express the feelings I have. And at times even surrounded by people it is still so lonely, so lonely.

I Love You Sarah Fleenor You Are Loved More Than I Can Say. I Love You Forever Sweetheart, Daddy's Coming One Day I Promise. Sarah I Love You!

To My Love This photo is from when I drove my parents to Florida last winter. It was nighttime and I was missing Sarah very much. I went for a walk on the beach and was telling her how much I miss her. I decided to sit for a while so I sat down on one of the row of benches. No one was around and I was not doing good. I don't know why but I shined my little flashlight down and between my feet I saw this heart. I cried and thanked heavens for I knew Sarah was with me.

Hi Russ,
I love your pictures of Sarah, she was beautiful. I lost my wonderful cat Tank a week ago today, so the grief is still incredibly raw and so painful as you can imagine. Sometimes I wish I never had dogs and cats in my life, it hurts so much when they go.
I have found these forums very helpful in the past when I suffered losses. Just knowing you are understood and that you can open your heart out without judgement is a precious thing.
Unfortunately my husband sees this as a negative thing - that I am wallowing in my grief and making it deeper. Not possible, of course. But, I actually feel guilty being on here because he is so disapproving. And friends and family all think - it's been a week, she ought to be moving on, getting over it. I think we are the healthy ones - the ones who are able to feel and express our grief.
I hope you are having a better day and the heart you found gave you some comfort. These little signs - often rainbows and butterflies for me - can be so uplifting.

Take care,

Jane

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing the picture of your beloved Sarah - - and the heart in the sand. There is no mistake that your beloved Sarah led you to this place on the beach at that specific moment in time so that you could find this heart in the sand to let you know her sweet Living Spirit is always with you.

I wish there were some magic words I could share with you that could ease the sorrow in your heart, but I know all too well that words are inadequate when our hearts are missing and grieving the physical absence of a beloved companion. Still, I hope somehow the words I share with you offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam