My Trevor is slowly dying from a bunch of neurologic problems. Most of the time his pain is controlled by medication given every 3 hours. But then there are the nights that he and I are up for hours. Trevor is pacing, digging into the carpet, shaking his head and whimpering with pain. I give him many extra doses of pain medication, antihistamines and sedatives and then wait for them to "kick in". This can take up to another half-hour. He does not like to be touched at all during these episodes and, since he's almost deaf, he cannot hear soothing words. So I either sit or lie with him on the floor. When he does, finally, fall asleep, I cover him with his blanket and lie down beside him, covering his paw with my hand. That seems to be comforting to Trevor.
Trevor's neurologist says that Trevor will not die of the neuro problems. It will be a quality of life issue. Oh, great.
My problem is this: with each of my other ##er Spaniels, I knew exactly when it was time. This time I have no idea. I do NOT want Trevor to suffer, but there are times when he is doing just that. And yet, afternoons and evenings are decent times for him. And my heart just breaks when I think of him not being here (with me). Then I feel selfish, then I feel scared, etc. etc. etc.

Is there anyone who might be willing to share any advice they have?

I love Trevor with all my heart and soul. He is a 12 year old rescue dog that we've had to almost 2 years. He is such a good boy, even with all his "issues" and I want only the VERY BEST for him.
Thanks so much!
Trevor's very sad mom

Dear Bobbie and Trevor

I am so sorry for what you and your dear Trevor are going through. I do understand to a great extent as this is what happened with my dear Angel girl Tasha. She was also 12 years old and had been diabetic and blind for 7 years. The last few months of her life I used to sleep downstairs with her, I hand fed her and had to help her to move around , but she still wagged her tail and fussed when anyone came , and seemed to be 'ok' ish. I think I should have let her go a little earlier, maybe, but like you I just didn't seem to be able to make the decision, until one Saturday morning when I don't really know how I knew, but I just did. Enough was enough for my precious girl. The 'spark' had gone from her. Thats the only way I can describe it.
You plainly love your dear Trevor so very much. If you think he is not suffering and is still getting pleasure in this life then you are doing the right thing by loving and caring for him, and helping him in every way you can. Maybe it would be best to have a talk with your Vet and take some advise. I just wish that I could help you , it is the hardest thing that we ever have to do, making the decision as to when we think it is time for our precious companions to be eased from pain and suffering. Maybe your Trevor will just somehow let you know, as was the case with my Tasha.

Please let us know how you and Trevor are, and know that you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Hi, Bobbie, just want to add my sincerest sympathies in what you are going through with your precious Trevor. Anticipatory Grief is very hard - - in its own right - - because we hold onto the adage that "where there's life, there's hope" - - and perhaps a miracle will happen that will enable us to keep our beloved companions for "just a little while longer."

Jan has already given you the very best response that I could ever hope to offer. Making "the decision" is never easy, but it is made with the deepest love we will ever know - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that our beloved companions, and your precious Trevor - - can once again be healed to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. The good news is that they are no longer confined to their failing painful physical bodies. The deepest and saddest part is that we must let go of their physical presence with us for that to happen. And believe me, I all too well know that we can never ever adequately "prepare" ourselves for the absence of our beloved furkids' physical presence with us.

As Jan has said, your precious Trevor will let you know when it is "time", and your heart will know when it is "time" to release him. Please know we are here for you, Bobbie - - you are not alone in your journey.

Bobbie, please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Jan and Pixie,
Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words. I will keep them in my heart and let Trevor know as well. He is an amazing boy, who must have survived unspeakble cruelties in his former life. Although, unknowingly, we welcomed him into our lives at the ending of his, he is the best "thing" that could have happened to me. I am disabled and have not worked in over 16 years and Trevor is my home buddy. My husband works all day and is tired when he gets home, so Trevor (as have all my previous boys) knows everything I say and do (with him) all day. I just want to make Trevor's time with me the BEST in his life. And, although I know in my mind that I have done that, my heart has so much more to give him.
Oh, it is so scarey. But your thoughts will sustain me. as does Trevor's love.

will keep in touch,
Bobbie

Dear moon_beam,
thank you sooooooooooooooooo much for being there for and with me and Trevor. we'll keep in touch!

Bobbie & Trevor

Trevor's day was pretty good. He is deathly afraid to come down the stairs, ever since his (former) vet yanked him down their basement stairs a couple weeks ago. (I now have a new vet.) This morning he refused to come near the steps, so he and I spent the morning in our office: he was sleeping under his blanket and I was using the computer. By lunch time he tried the steps, but I had to sit on the same step he was trying to go down and hold him the entire time. I went all the way down on my rear end and Trevor got 12 Yogurt treats. His neuro problems have caused him to see very little, if at all. It also makes him deaf now.
The afternoon was spent sleeping on his comforter in the living room while mom did some reading and paperwork. By early evening he was up for a few hours and even chewed on a couple old bones (that I have to hold for him - he didn't know what marrow bones were when he first came here). Into the evening he started panting which is from either too much Prednisone and/or pain. It is now 10:20 pm and Trevor has taken his antihistamine, pain medications and sedative. He is resting near me until it is time to "go to bed". Hopefully, he will sleep peacefully tonight.

OK, Trevor, let's go to bed........


Thanks for listening everyone!
Good Night!

Dear Bobbie,

I'm so sorry you're faced with this difficult decision. One of the most difficult and heart-wrenching acts of love we are called upon to make is the decision to end the suffering of a beloved non-human family member. In my opinion, you are doing all the right things for Trevor. The best we can do is love them, give them as much of our time and comfort as possible, control their pain as much as possible and watch for them to signal us that they're ready to go. It does sound like Trevor is still finding some enjoyment in life so I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think you're struggling with finding that thin line between his episodes of suffering being more than he should have to deal with and the periods of enjoyment he finds in his days, which makes life worth living. I wish there were a roadmap I could share but all I can say is, when he feels it's time, you'll know. I have had the painful task of making that decision for many cats and dogs I've been fortunate enough to have in my life and even when I've been uncertain, I always saw something in their eyes on that last day that told me they knew it was their time to pass - although that didn't stop me from second-guessing myself later on. When I had to make the decision for my beloved Peggy (The Dog) 7 weeks ago, I didn't feel it was time at 10:00 pm but upon my return to the vet at 1:00 am, I saw that she knew it was time. As soon as I looked in her eyes, I knew she was telling me good-bye and was ready to go. Even when she closed her eyes and relaxed a little because we were there with her (before the shot), you could feel she was accepting that it was time to go and was just content that we were with her.

It's such a painful thing to have to decide and I think Trevor is very fortunate to have someone with him that is willing to spend so much time connecting with his needs as they evolve. I know how heavily this weighs upon your mind and heart and I will keep both you and Trevor in my prayers and I will check back as often as possible to see how you're doing and offer any comfort and support I can.

Take care of yourself,

Peggy (the human)

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how Trevor is doing. As Peggy has said, so I wish to affirm her words of encouragement: "The best we can do is love them, give them as much of our time and comfort as possible, control their pain as much as possible and watch for them to signal us that they're ready to go. It does sound like Trevor is still finding some enjoyment in life so I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think you're struggling with finding that thin line between his episodes of suffering being more than he should have to deal with and the periods of enjoyment he finds in his days, which makes life worth living."

I am so glad to know that you have found a new vet practitioner who is more compassionate. Several years ago I was faced with a similar situation with my number one kitty son Eli and never regretted my decision. It does make you wonder sometimes why some people become medical practitioners - - be they veterinarians or doctors for humans. I'm glad your Trevor attempted the steps, and that he knew you would be there - - step by step - - to steady him and encourage him. Since he's having neruological problems that affect his sight, this may be another reason for his hesitancy to use the steps. So your staying close to him and guiding him with the steps (you are his "seeing eye") is truly a comfort to him.

I hope and pray that you and Trevor had a very peaceful evening, Bobbie. Once again, please know we are here for you every step of your journey. Please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[size="3"][/size]Dear Peggy's Human and Moon Beam,

I am so very grateful for your consoling, encouraging and supportive words! You both have given me the insight and courage to go forward with Trevor. His "new" vet owns a mobile clinic now and really does like and respect Trevor. In addition he has given me advice over the phone many times - at no cost to me and no trauma for Trevor. I have also found another Vet Hospital that does sedation grooming, so those challenges are off the front burner for now.

Trevor had a bad night starting around 12 midnight. This time I nailed him with everything at one time, instead of waiting to see what might be working. You know, I have no qualms if I should accidentally overdose him (I would NEVER do it on purpose) because he would go so very peacefully, in his home, with mommy and daddy sleeping right next to him. Trevor did fall fast asleep in abut 20 minutes and made it through the rest of the night and well past 10:00 am! He would wake up just enough to take his pills, in a dog food "ball" and go right back to sleep.

Trevor looks so peacefull and secure when he is sleeping. He knows he is safe and that mommy is with him. At least I hope he knows that. When he's awake he follows me everywhere in the house. Even into the bathroom where his Cheerio's are waiting (he gets 4). Matter of fact, if he is in a deep sleep, in the living room, and I quietly get up to leave the room, he immediately wakes up and tries to find me. He'll even try to come up the stairs if I leave that gate open. He is mommy's boy. And such a wonderful boy!

Trevor used to BITE us when we first got him and we did things he didn't like. We thought he was just an aggressive dog. We weren't used to that in ##er Spaniels because none of our other boys ever did that. It took us several months to go up to University of PA Vet School and there we found out what his real problem was: severe hydrocephalus, Chiari malformation and sphyngomyelia. We found out that these conditions made Trevor extremely claustrophobic, affected his sight and depth perception and his hearing. Trevor also hated to be picked up. So from then on, we didn't do anything that Trevor didn't like and he hasn't even nipped at us since!

Again, I thank you wonderful supporters, for allowing me to lean on you and tell you all about my boy. May you be blessed with love, happiness and contentment every day of your lives!

Gratefully,
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)

PS: yes, expect more tonight.

Hi Bobbie,

Thank you for posting an update so quickly, you have been on my mind since I read your story last night. I'm sorry Trevor experienced difficulty and pain last night but good for you, throwing everything but the kitchen sink into him so quickly! In your current situation, I completely agree that it's best to aggressively medicate to stop the pain than to take an overly cautious route by slowly medicating. You stopped the pain and allowed him to get much needed rest so it ended up being a good night for you both, thank God! I am also so happy to hear that you found a vet that values Trevor. I too have encountered vets that don't seem to like animals. I have no understanding of those people, nor do I have any patience for them. I am so happy you found a vet that has the animal and people skills which are so necessary to truly excel in that profession. Hopefully, your new vet will be able to help guide you through this most dificult and emotional roller coaster. It does sound like you're feeling a bit more comfortable today and the self-doubt and questioning has subsided. I truly hope that is the case.

I have no doubt that Trevor is fully aware of your presence, even when asleep. When my sweet Peggy (The Dog) came to us at the age of 2 and a half, she had been very mistreated by the breeder who had her. In my entire life, I had never met an animal withh so many fears. It took several years to get her past all of them and I knew for sure that she felt safe when we reached a point where she would sleep so soundly that she often missed that someone was knocking at the door (maybe her snoring was drowing it out? LOL). Turns out that she NEVER slept throug anyone coming on the property when she was home with my mother and I was out but would sleep through a lot when I was home. I finally realized that when I was here, she felt safe enough to go into a deep sleep and trutsted that I would keep her safe - not that she didn't feel safe with Mom but she recognized I was the stronger personality and was in the 'alpha' role of the pack. I think her first truly deep sleep was sometime in the first year after she came to us. Medicated or not, only a creature that feels truly safe will allow themselves to go that deep into sleep. I have no dout that Trevor knows he's safe but as you said, he's so attuned to you that if you get up to leave the room, he pulls himself out of his slumber to find/follow you. You are his security blanket! As long as you're around, he's safe and can completely relax.

Thank you for sharing some of his history. It's sad how many of us have these beautiful, sweet souls come to us from horrible circumstances. I don't know how people can treat another living being the way some of these animals have been treated but thankfully, some of them finally find loving homes, like your Trevor. I hope today is being kind to you and Trevor and that you'll be able to share some 'quality time' together. I also pray that you'll both have a peacful night with much healing sleep.

Take care of yourself and please keep us posted on how things are going, when you have time.

Peggy

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how Trevor is doing. Like Peggy I, too, am so sorry that Trevor had a bad night, and totally absolutely agree with you that when Trevor is in high pain that giving him all of his meds at one time is the much better route to take. When the body is in high pain, by the time that the meds are given the effects are longer to kick in, and do not last as long. Clinical studies have been done on sedation and pain management. Sedation does help to relax the body, which allows the pain to ease, which allows the physical body to rest which allows the natural process of relaxation to kick in which then helps improve the quality of life issues. I am so very glad you now have a vet who is responsive to both Trevor's and your needs. This does make taking care of Trevor so much easier.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Trevor with us. I know you are already doing this - - just cherish each moment you have with him, although I also know this time is breaking your heart. And don't hide how you're feelings from your precious boy. Some people think that they have to "be strong" - - and that's okay unless it withholds the truest emotions you are feeling in your heart. You never did this during the "better" times of your earthly journey with your precious Trevor, and now is not the time to start.

Bobbie, please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how Trevor is doing. Like Peggy I, too, am so sorry that Trevor had a bad night, and totally absolutely agree with you that when Trevor is in high pain that giving him all of his meds at one time is the much better route to take. When the body is in high pain, by the time that the meds are given the effects are longer to kick in, and do not last as long. Clinical studies have been done on sedation and pain management. Sedation does help to relax the body, which allows the pain to ease, which allows the physical body to rest which allows the natural process of relaxation to kick in which then helps improve the quality of life issues. I am so very glad you now have a vet who is responsive to both Trevor's and your needs. This does make taking care of Trevor so much easier.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Trevor with us. I know you are already doing this - - just cherish each moment you have with him, although I also know this time is breaking your heart. And don't hide how you're feelings from your precious boy. Some people think that they have to "be strong" - - and that's okay unless it withholds the truest emotions you are feeling in your heart. You never did this during the "better" times of your earthly journey with your precious Trevor, and now is not the time to start.

Bobbie, please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear, dear Peggy and Moon Beam,

Words cannot begin to express my gratitude for your words of support and afirmation. Only those of us who have "been there" car truly understand what others say and are going through. And both of you, actually everyone who has sent me messages, TRULY understand. You offer encouragement that has made all the difference in the world, since I've met you. Having support available upon such short notice is invaluable to me. And will be especially so once the work week begins.

Today ended up being a fairly good day for Trevor. He took naps most of the afternoon while his daddy went grocery shopping so I could stay home with him. I spent most of the time doing paperwork and watching baseball games. Most sports seem to have a soothing, continuous sound that helps put Trevor and me to sleep. Trevor had a very good salad this afternoon, too. AS I was cutting up carrots and green beans, I would give Trevor piese of both and he loved them!! Since he's on Prednisone and is hungry 24/7, I'm glad he'll eat some very low calorie foods. He's quite a little porker now, weighing almost 40 pounds!!!! After dinner and just after sunset, Trevor actually wanted to go outside with me! He hasn't wanted to go out for days and I finally realize why: the sunshine is too intense for his eyes. We were outside for almost 10 minutes and I was so happy. Soon after, he started panting. I don't know if it's from the Pred or pain. I have a feeling it's from the Pred. He's on 1 1/2 Tramadol and 2 Neurontin every 3 hours.

We came upstairs about an hour ago. Trevor is sleeping in the bedroom - hopefully at least until 1 am, when his next dose of Tramadol is due. My wonderful hubby (Mr. Stan) takes the 4 am dosing so I can sleep through. Then we're up at 6:30 am - Trevor gets up at 7am. And another day begins.

I did want to tell you about the incredible couple who found Trevor on their lawn about 3-4 years ago. Their names are Mark & Linda. They already had a dog when they found Trevor, but that didn't stop them from taking him to the best Vet E.R. in town and paying for all the care and medication he needed. They even tried to keep Trevor, but their other dog was jealous so they had to surrender him to a local breed rescue. He spent a pretty rotten year and a half with the rescue until I finally saw him on their Website. From that moment on, it took only 3 weeks to finally welcome him into our home and our hearts. Mark & Linda have follwed Trevor every step of his journey and have even paid for some medical expenses we couldn't afford! They have beenover to visit Trevor and send him gifts. They are amazing

Oops! Trevor just woke up and didn't know where I went, so I have to go comfort him.

Good Night! BTW - Gretta's mom is my sister!

Hi Bobbie,

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and Trevor this morning, hoping you both had a peaceful and pain-free night. Thank you for sharing more of your story. It's wonderful that Mark and Linda care so deeply for Trevor. It's a blessing that he has so many people in his life that are so focused on his well-being. Isn't it amazing? Animals like Trevor literally get to experience both the best and the worst of humankind. I think the experience of most pets lands somewhere in the middle with their human interactions, neither extreme is experienced. But then there are the animals that experience extreme cruelty and then (please God!), are rescued and get an opportunity to experience humans whose only agenda is to soothe their damaged spirit and try to bring them love and a quality of life they never knew existed. The absolute polarity of the humans capacity to destroy or nurture astounds me.

I love that your shared your and Trevor's relationship with Mark and Linda. Sometimes it's so easy to forget that there are many people in this world that regularly perform selfless acts of kindness, and just do it very quietly. I go through stages where I will not watch or read the news because I just can't deal with the horror being depicted. I have a reputation as someone who isn't overly emotional or easily shaken or upset, isn't easly offend, strongly driven by the need to be fair, able to cut to the heart of a matter and will dispassionaly 'tell it like it is' but in as gentle a way as possible, while still being clear (unless you tick me off by being deliberately mean to someone, in which case, run for the hills cause I'm opening a big can of Irish on your butt!). To quote a friend and former employee that I managed for several years, 'You're tough but fair'. People who don't know me well think I operate mostly from a point of logic. The truth is, I am extremely emotional and feel things very deeply but I've learned to filter everything (okay, almost everything) through the mental process before opening my mouth. I don't usually allow others to see it but it shakes me to the core of my being, watching or hearing of people with a screwed up personal agenda inflict the consequences of their reckless disregard on other living beings (be it human or animal) and often times, the outright cruelty that is intentionally inflicted upon others. It makes me question why I'm even here. I don't understand, nor do I ever want to understand, how others can justify their behavior when it hurts others. When I've had discussions about personal responsibilty for ones actions with non-animal people or people who were just self-absorbed, I don't focus on the spiritual implications of treating another being cruelly, I focus on the lack of logic behind it. There is no way anything positive will ever come from deliberatly inflicting pain on another. There are always alternate ways of acheiving ones goals but with the twisted logic of the self-deluded, self-absorbed and self-rightous they just don't get it and I wonder if there's any hope for this world or humans as a species. Meeting others like you on this site and hearing about people like Mark and Linds reminds me that even though there are some souls on this planet that exemplify the absolute worst of humanity, there really are others that shine like a beacon and exemplify all the good we're all capable of, if we would only take the time and make the small effort it requires (and put our selfish wants behind others needs). I thank you from the bottom of my (mushy) heart for providing me with yet 2 more examples of the later. It was/is a wonderful way to start off this new week!

I am sorry to hear that your sister, Gretta's Mom, is going through the same type of situation. As you know, I've been corresponding with her as well. What's intersting for me is, for the first time ever, I was having trouble keeping straight which post I was responding to as I wrote and posted replies to you both. I had to circle back to what I was writing as I reponded to each of you because I realized I was incorporating elements from both stories into my responses. I had a big 'ah ha!' moment when you told me you were sisters - maybe my confusion wasn't so much my befuddled head as it was my brain recognizing similar writing patterns and associating both postings with 1 person. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking with it!

Again, I hope last night went smoothly and that this week is filled with peace for both you and Trevor. I think you have discovere the magic key to his pain management and I pray that it continues to work. You're a dear person and I wish you all the blessings in the world.

Take care of yourself and please keep me posted on how your both doing.

Peggy

Hi Peggy!

You are a beacon of sunshine in my life! Last night I read about your wonderful Peggy (the dog) and my heart was breaking for all that you two Peggys went through, esp. at the end. Your love, compassion, dedication, empathy, and resolve to spare Peggy the dog from any more pain and suffering shines through every word. And when Peggy gave you her last bit of loving energy, I was almost beside myself! You are one amazing person and the animals are so lucky that you are around!

I love all animals. I only squish Stink Bugs because they are so numerous and have no natural enemies in this country yet and they are ruining our state's crops. But I make sure and apologize at the same time! I cannot watch any television footage or pictures of any violence to any animal because I will remember the image(s) forever. They do not go away. I could not read "The Lost Dogs". I cried. I try to donate to those Humane organizations that are truly working for the animals and insist that they send me NO literature or "gifts". They are wasting money that could be used for the animals. I cannot do nearly what I used to do and it kills me to recycle the envelopes that come in the mail. But I rescued Trevor and spend 25% of our pay to care for him. And my sister has helped, too!

Trevor's night was barely fair. He didn't seem in pain, but was very insecure. He constantly had to know where I was, so I finally slept on the floor next to him. This morning I had a backache. He has slept all day upstairs and that's where I have been, also. I haven't gotten anything "done" that I had planned, but I also don't care about that. We do have to go down around 4 pm.
We are going to try one additional medication for Trevor. His neurologist suggested amantadine which is a human drug so we can get it cheaper at Walmart. This should re-route signals in the brain which detect and react to pain. He's only on it for 3 weeks, then off for 4 months. I hope it works.

Mark and Linda are such gems! Linda even offered to pay for the shunt surgery for Trevor, but I'm not doing that to him. Plans are made for Trevor's buriel at the Blatimore Humane Society's cemetary (where all my other boys are) and Mark and Linda will be there, too. All, but one, of my boys have gone to the Rainbow Bridge in our home. Most people think that is wierd or too hard, but I find it the best for us and the boys. Familiar surroundings, mom and dad right there, soft blanket cushioning them and a familair vet as well. I admire you for being able to say good bye as you did! And my sister, too.

Yes, Jeanne is so very sad and lost. Gretta was her first and only dog as an adult. This was her first experience with everthing that goes with and erupts from a doggie death. I try to comfort and validate her actions and feeling, but I am doing a dismal job (although she says I'm fine). And she won't be getting another dog, so that makes things even worse, I think. You are helping her tremendously. Thank you!

Well, it's time to actually DO something up here while Trevor is still sleeping in the bathroom......

Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for your friendship and comfort!

Love,
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Trevor is doing. You will want to check the side-effects of the drugs your precious boy is on, because some of those drugs have warnings about being out in the sun, as well as disorientation, anxiety (his being anxious to know where you are - - perhaps more so than before he was on the medication), etc.. Prednisone, as you know, is used for cancer patients and has other side effects than increased appetite and thirst. So, be sure to read those warnings and side effects on those drugs. My Oslo was also on Tramadol to help him with the long-term effects of Laryngeal Paralysis - - which is a neurological illness which aslo degenerates the body over time - - similar to Lou Gehrig's disease.

I'm so glad you have the support of friends who are physically located close to you. This is always helpful. We are blessed to have you here, Bobbie, to have the privilege to get to know you and your precious Trevor. I hope tonight will be a better night for your precious boy, which will in turn be a good night for you. Please know you and Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[size="3"][/size] Dear Moon Beam,

Thank you, again, for your words of comfort and fair warnings. I am so very, very sorry about the illness and death your wonderful Oslo suffered. I am quite familiar with ALS as a coule friends have died from that. And for a precious dog to come down with something so similar! I feel so sorry for the animals because we cannot communicate what is happening to them in a way we both understand. I know you were a great mother and Oslo trusted you completely.

Trevor slept practically all day upstairs (until 3:30 pm) so, naturally I was upstairs, too. Did not get my errands done, didn't even get my "chores" done, but I did get a nice, long, leisurely bath in and Trevor didn't have to be anxious at all. Tonight I went to our church's conversion class and Stan stayed home with Trevor, so he wasn't alone. I got home around 8:30 and Trevor seemed fine. WE all had some ice cream and have come upstairs for bed. Thank you for your wishes for a good night tonight.

Prednisone is such a powerful drug and has a myriad of side-effects, including diabetes! We think the first time Trevor was on the high doses of Pred, he was pushed into diabetes, but recovered when we weaned him off. He is now on 3mg twice a day and the drinking/peeing is tolerable. The last drug that we're going to try will be in tomorrow, so we'll start that on Wednesday. I keep a chart of every med that Trevor takes, when he takes it and any negative effects. Good thing I used to work in medicine!

God bless you, Moon Beam, for your friendship, love and support. It means more than you will ever know!

Love,
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie,

I hope this evening finds you and Trevor doing well (I hope, I hope!). 'beacon of sunshine'. Wow, nobody has ever called me anything close to that before. LOL I really don't think I deserve such high praise but I thank you for saying something so kind and I am very happy to know that my responses may have helped in some small way. I don't accept compliments terribly well, as you may notice but I'm working on that - and your overwhelming compliment is certainally a challenge! Thank you for reading Peggy's and my story. It was so difficult to go through and she was such an amazing gift to have in my life. Honestly, I was the one who was blessed. I loved her with my whole heart but she deserved a better human than I (even if I suspect she'd argue with that). I try hard to be sensitive to others feelings but when I'm 'on a mission' my strong Irish personality can get pretty focused and direct or pushy, and she had to deal with that on occasion. I always tried to keep impatience in check when she was around. If I was focused on the task at hand and not on my tone, I would sometimes 'bark out' (no pun intended!) a command and she'd scramble to respond. I'd then realize I was too pushy with her and it would take my poor Peggy several hours (in the beginning it was days) to recover from feeling she had been snapped at. It didn't matter if I apologized and spent some time trying to get her to relax again, it still took her time to let it go and not seem depressed. Ironically, I suspect it was that same personality trait that made her feel safe. When a strange Doberman wandered into my yard while we were outside (and he was a big boy), she was scared and got behind me. He stood his ground, he was clearly confusing himself with the real alpha of the property. I turned to Peggy and ordered her to the side door of the house. She went to the door and turned to watch, the Dobbie was watching all of this with a superior, don't mess with me attitude. Silly boy. He should have left while he still had time to save face. After I ordered her to stay on the stairs, I turned back to him and told him to take off (I knew he lived in a house through the woods behind my house, I just didn't know him or his family). Anyway, he started to square off with me and I just started walking toward him, pointing the way off the property while saying 'GIT' in a firm voice. He stood his ground for several seconds but our eyes were locked and I kept reminding myself that this was MY space, not his and kept walking toward him while ordering him away. Clearly he wasn't used to be challenged so it threw him that I was assertively moving to push him off my property. He finally realized he wasn't going to win so he broke eye contact and turned to move away. He went about 10 feet and then turned to challenge me again. You'd think he'd have figured out he wasn't going to win by then but nope, he stood his ground again. So, I moved toward him with a very focused intent and a more assertive, determined walk and he broke off within 3 seconds. After that, he'd come onto my property to poop on my walkway but always took off as soon as I'd open the door. Turns out my next door neighbors had encountered him and they couldn't get him to leave their property, they felt too threatened. They nicknamed him Adolph. LOL Anyway, all this seemed to get me 'points' with Peggy. I think that seeing me confront and handle situations that scared her made her feel that I would/could protect her. Having a big tough dog acknowledge that I was the alpha certainally impressed her!

I so much understand what you mean about being haunted by images of cruelty. I'm the EXACT same way. I still recall every image I've seen since childhood, it's like you're scared by having the event burned into you heart and mind. And it will never leave you. And you cracked me up with telling the Humane Orgs to not send you lit. I do the EXACT same thing! I'm &%^ about them telling me exactly how much goes to the physical needs of the animals - and it better be way more than what's going for salaries or 'admin costs'. I know how to play the accounting game too so that garbage doesn't fly with me. Show me exactly where the money is going and if I agree with how you budget your donated dollars, I will willingly give until it hurts. I'm not rolling in money by any means but a qucik sumary is, I was laid off in late winter/early spring 2008 (I'm in the financial sector), That spring, Peggy came up lame and after about 1k, it was determined she had Lyme disease. Fast forward about 4 weeks and she was ripping herself apart scratching. Back to the vet and another $1,500 to determine she had food alergies. About $1,250 in food and a restrictred diet followed. 1 month after idenifiying the food alergies, she came down with a skin fungus, which cost another $500 to address. Then there was a choking incident which required a late night visit to Tufts and another $500. All of this happened within 3 - 4 months and while I was unemployed. I called her my $5k dog that summer. The poor little thing just couldn't catch a break, healthwise. Anyway, I got hired in the fall but laid off again in January and we started on the vet merry-go-round again. I was unemployed for almost 2 years and Peggy (and Mom) were my salvation during that time. I only landed another job this past November and lost Peggy 3 months later. Now that I'm once again enjoying an income, my biggest expense, beyond my mortgage, is gone. Isn't that ironic? So I know what you're saying about putting a significant amount of your income into their health. But there is no other way to go, in my opinion.

I am sorry Trevor was so restless last night. I read the post from my sweet, gentle cyber-friend Moon_Beam and will tell you, I view her as my cyber-Oracle for pets. She is a wise woman who is always so willing to share her experience, wisdom and gentle support. I'm sure your Dr is keeping you up to speed on the possible interactions and side-effects of the meds Trevor is on but Moon_Beam brings up some great questions to pose, if they haven't already been discussed. Maybe his restlessness is partially or entirely caused by the meds? I will keep my fingers crossed that the new suggested med can be used and does accomplish what is hoped for. If you have to sleep on the floor again, you may want to consider buying one of those 'egg crate' foam rubber mattress pads. I've used those on the floor, on top of a doubled over, thick comforter and it's not great but its not horrible and it will be a little better for your back. As things progress, you may be spending more time on the floor than you anticipate so it may be worth your while checking it out (and you can fold it up to a small size to store - and don't need to blow it up).

I do not think it's weird for you to have the vet to the house to end their suffering. When we lived in Upton (rural-ish), I managed to negotiate with a farm vet to come to the house to put down 2 of our dogs. It was so much better for the dogs and we didn't have to drive through tears (and we had a lot of land on which to bury them). Unfortunately, the town I'm in now is very much the suburbs and vets do not make house calls. Funny to consider that I see deer, turkeys, ducks, fishercat, coyotee on my property and yet I'm less than 1/4 mile outside the center of town, as the crow flies. And it's a very settled, old New England town. We just don't have a lot of farm land and the vets don't make exceptions to the farm only rule. I envy you the ability to get a vet to the house.

I am so very sorry that Jeanne is going through the pain of loss. I am also sorry to hear she doesn't think she'll ever have another dog. I hope she changes her mind someday. She's a loving and generous soul and I'd like to think she'll someday be able to again connect with an animal who needs her love, and will love her in return. It's so painful to go through but honestly, I would not trade a single minute of my time with Peggy to remove all the pain I have now. Maybe when the worst of her pain passes she'll change her mind. Or as often happens, the animal that's meant to be with you, finds you and you don't have a lot of choice since you're bonded before you know what happened. Either way, she must do what's best for her and I hope she gets through this and gets to a place of peace soon.

I apologize for my very long response. Sometimes, once I start writing, it just flows.

Bobbie, I pray you and Trevor enjoy a night of peace and healing sleep, with you on a comfortable surface that doesn't cause you addiitional pain. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need anything.

Take care of yourself, my sweet friend,

Peggy

Good Morning, Peggy!

My best friend's name was Peggy. She and I were in grade school together and when I have to move to another town, we thought the world was ending! Then we realized I needed to come back to my hometown every two weeks for braces work so we were happy once again. When we were 12, Peggy developed cancer in her brain. The first year she was pretty fine, but became paralyzed the second year and passed away two days before her 14th birthday. My mom had been one of her private duty nurses. I was devastated, but soon realized I had an angel as a personal friend! I send flowers to the Creche at her church every Christmas. Been doing it for 42 years and won't stop. So Peggy is a wonderful name!

Once Trevor got to sleep, he slept well all night! Sometimes I have to lie with my head at the foot of the bed so he can see my face while he's falling asleep. I know my hubby thinks I'm overly involved with Trevor and that I'm going to have a hard, hard time when he goes (Trevor, not my Stan). I know I will, but I must put everything possible into Trevor's emotional bank, so that the guilt I feel will be minimal at most. This morning he got his A.M. pills and is snoring in the ohther room - upstairs again. He is so deathly afraid to go down stairs now, that I have to hold him for each step. I am so angry at my former vet! Once Trevor is gone, the fur is going to fly there. Trevor's neurologist from U of PA had no more ideas for pain management. Trevor is on HIGH dose Prilosec (60 mg daily) to decrease total fluid production and low donse Prednisone, along with Tramadol, Neurontin, Hydroxizine and Acepromazine and Clavamox. The neuro guy was writing to me about long term effects of the meds and then realized there probably wasn't going to be a "long term" for Trevor. Which is fine with me, just keep him out of pain.

And it's so great that we share the same Feast Day - St. Patrick's Day!!!!! My dad is Irish and my maiden name was Fahey.

My husband was unemployed for 13 months, from 2009-2010, then he found a job, out of the city (Baltimore), but at a much lower pay. Of course, the people in his office (he sells commercial insurance) are wonderful to him and he's only 17 miles "up the road". I'm on a fixed income from the govt. (Social Security Disability) since 1995. But our parents taught us how to be thrifty and I'm the household comptroller, so we're getting along. So I know what you've been through financially, etc.

Peggy, you are an awesome person and I'm so glad we're friends and in our lives! I don't mind your letters to me. Every word is so important.

Have a GREAT day and greet your mom for me. I really look forward to hearing from you again!

Time to go lie down with Trevor!

Love,
Bobbie

Well, tomorrow (4/20) we are going to add one final medication to Trevor's regime. His neurologist at U of Penn wants to try amantadine. This drug is used to treat Parkinson's and M.S. and some tpes of flu. The vet's objective is to restart Trevor's brain's response to pain. He'll take the drug daily for 3 weeks and then be off it for 4-6 months (hopefully). The other med. that he suggested is just too pricey for our budget and may not mke any difference anyway.

Trevor had a pretty good day. We slept in until 9:00 this morning and then Trevor finally got up about an hour later. He only got up once during the night and that was to pee. We made it downstairs VERY carefully. I went shopping for groceries and got back just in time to give him his 1:00 pm meds and then I went to the doctor. Got home around 4:30 and gave Trevor another round of meds. He was really glad to see me. Guess he missed me. Again at 6 pm we had to go to dinner at a friend's house but we were home by 7:30. Trevor was busy watching me do stuff in the kitchen and he seemed comfortable, even through a nasty thunderstorm. Some times it's nice not to be able to hear those boomers.

Trevor was panting, from overeating today, but when we got upstairs, he settled right down and went to sleep. Of course mom was lying the "wrong" way in the bed so Trevor knew where my face was. Right now he's sleeping, under his blanket, in the bedroom, waiting for me to get back in there. So, it has been a good day for us.

Tomorrow it's supposed to be 80 degrees, so we're staying in the air conditioning; the heat is very stressful for Trevor (me, too).

Thank you, everyone, for supporting us and caring so much. A nice way to end the day!

Bless you all!
Bobbie & Trevor

Hi Bobbie,

It's been a hectic day and time has gotten away from me so please accept my apology and forgive my not responding to you sooner - and for having to circle back tomorrow to answer your posts from today. You have been very much on my mind and I'm so glad Trevor had a good day today. And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the new med works as hoped. You both will be in my prayers tonight, praying that you both have a restful, pain-free night.

God bless and I'll check back tomorrow to see how you're doing.

Peggy

Hi Bobbie,

What a sad story about your friend Peggy and I'm sorry you had to deal with such a wrenching loss at such a tender age. But what a marvelous perspective you have! I'm sure she is your angle and watches out for you every day. As you know, the only thing that survives this world or is even worth taking with us is our love and I'm sure you're one of the people at the top of Peggy's list to watch over!

I'm so glad that Trevor has been doing a little better the past couple of days. Hopefully you're in a rhythm with the pain management and things continue on this positive path. Keeping them comfortable lowers the stress level for all - and lets everyone find some time to truly rest and build up some reserves. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the new med being added by the Dr will work its magic for Trevor.

I'm so happy to hear that your husband found work. It's been a scary economy and I can tell you first hand, in 2009, there were no jobs to be had - anywhere in the country. I've never seen the job market in such a state and as much as I was able to stay positive for my first 'down period' after being laid off from Fidelity, which was 7 months, the second layoff stressed me to no end. As time went by and no matter how much time I spent writing and re-writing resumes, connecting with every contact I ever made, cold calling companies to see if they would 'go to lunch so I could learn more about the culture of their company', etc, I wasn't able to turn things around. I slowly became terrified that I would never be able to find another job (and secretly felt that even Wal-Mart would feel I was under-qualified to be a Greeter in their store). It's amazing how not being able to find employment can destroy your self-esteem, even when you struggle against that feeling. I was responsible for housing and feeding Mom and Peggy (okay, Mom is here by choice and could take care of herself, but she's up there in age and shouldn't have to use what little she has just to survive). I sometimes joked that even if we had to live in a refrigerator box, under the SouthEast Expressway in Boston, we'd still be together. It's difficult to take care of the ones you love when life events don't appear to be working with you to make that happen! My mother and youngest brother pointed out to me that Peggy and I were blessed with that down-time. She hated when I had to leave the house for 14 - 16 hours to work and she was overjoyed that I was here every day for almost 2 years. What seemed to be a punnishment at the time, turned out to be a blessing. I never could have spent that kind of time with her if I were working. She and Mom were my solance and touch-stones through that very difficult period. My brother also pointed out that I seemed 'to be on the edge' several times and had she passed 3 months before she did (when I still wasn't working), it may have pushed me over that edge. Who knows? I know I was dealing with all I could handle (and then some) but her loss outweighs unemployment any day of the week. This past November, when I was re-hired by the company that picked me up after Fidelity laid me off, I was very lucky that they put me on a project that allowed me to work from home 2 or 3 days a week. I was working 7 days a week and about 16 hours a day trying to get up to speed on the new project but Peggy was always able to stay next to me when I was home. She would sometimes come over and gently rest her head on my leg, while looking up at my face, during those long hours of work. She seemed to understand that I couldn't bring her outside or play with her but she was content to just share the space and maybe get a little pat or kiss on the head and some kind words or a hug while I was working. She always smiled at me when I'd make eye contact with her. She was an amazingly accepting animal who was able to find contentment in any crumb that came her way. I miss her so much and I wish I had somehow made more of an effort to spend time focusing on her during that period. I kept telling her that we would go back to doing some fun 'Peggy time' stuff once I had the rhythm of the job. Unfortunately, just as that was approaching, her time on this earth ended. Ah, regrets. If we could only foresee the future, we'd have no regrets.

Bobbie, thank you for your kindness in allowing me to share my and Peggy's story. It helps so much to be able to tell things that made her special, things that I regret not doing better, circumstances we were both caught up in, etc. It just helps and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You, Trevor, Jeanne and Gretta continue to be in my prayers (and Mom's too!).

Take care of yourself, Irish Girl! and please let me know how Trevor's doing!

Peggy

Hey Peggy,

Trevor's day was pretty good again. He actually got up around 8:00 am and we got downstairs right away. I started the amantadine today, but it's going to take some time to see any effects. Trevor is once again panting at night. It may be from the little bit of Prednisone he's on. That happened last time we tried prednisone.

I wanted to tell you that our niece (who is now 30 years old) went to EMERSON COLLEGE! And we went up to Boston for her graduation. Graduation was held in some large theatre. I cannot remember the name. Joe Biden was the commentment speaker and he did a good job. Leia is back in Baltimore, expecting her first child in August. She LOVED Emerson and Boston. Small world isn't it?

And thank you for sharing your memories of Peggy the Dog with me. She sounds like the perfect Golden. They are really wonderful creatures - just a bit too big and energetic for me. I knew a seeing eye Golden named Magic who worked for over 10 years with her master. She and I used to play all the time. Keep on sending me stories of your precious Miss Peggy. I'll enjoy them with you. And even though it hasn't been very long at all since she passed, your memories will keep getting better and better.

I know I have many fond memories of Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and now Trevor. Kelly was an English ##er who was rescued and lived the longest of any of our boys. He had a beautiful sable coat that really stood out when he was shaved. We shaved all of our boys - I'm not in to hour long grooming sessions and the guys really liked short hair. Jasper was a Brittany who only lived with us for 3 weeks before being diagnosed with cancer. We euthanised him right away because he was already suffering from so many other painful problems (including chronic pancreatitis). Crocker was my first ##er and his name really was Crocker Spaniel! Birney was hand picked from my girlfriend's favorite dog's litter. I first saw him at one week of age and he was sent to me when he was 12 weeks old. He was smart as a whip and it was difficult to stay one step ahead of him. He even ate a row off our wedding cake! I'll tell you all about him some day. Rudy was my boy, again from my girlfriend, sent to me when he was 2 years old. He was a great dog, gentle and I would have to say "kind" also. Oh! I could go on and on, but that would just bore you to tears.

Have a peaceful and restful night. You truly deserve it!

Love,
Bobbie & Trevor

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for letting us know how your precious Trevor is doing. Sounds like you have a good combination of medications and routines going with him, which is attributing to his quality of life with you. Just as a suggestion, for whatever it's worth: When Oslo began having shortness of breath, I kept a small fan on the floor and ran it just for him. It helped to circulate the air at his level, and provided some extra "oxygen" which did help calm his breathing. Like I said, it's just a suggestion. It did help my Oslo, but don't know if would help your precious Trevor.

Bobbie, I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Trevor. I know you are cherishing every moment of every hour of every day that you have with him. Please know you and your precious boy are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Bobbie,

I'm glad Trevor is doing well with pain management. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the new med does what the Dr hopes! Please feel free to share any stories you'd like. I don't think you could possibly bore anyone on this site with an animal story! Thank you for sharing the story of Crocker eating a row of your wedding cake. Only a true animal lover could forgive something like that! Regarding Emerson College, you were closer than you realize. I attended Suffolk University, which is literally on the other side of the Boston Common. - 1 block away As a matter of fact, when I attended school there, I believe Emerson was 'renting space' in one of Suffolk's buildings on the corner of Tremount Street. And I think I told you my best friend is originally from North Dakota. Elements of our lives have crossed paths several times. What a small world!

You and Trevor remain in my prayers and I hope you have a very peaceful night!

take care,

Peggy

Thank you so very, very much Moon Beam and Peggy!

Your words of encouragement and support give me the confidence I have in my decisions with Trevor. Today was pretty "good" again. Trevor got up shortly after his 7 am pills and wanted to come down the stairs with a little less support from mom. That didn't las long when he tried to jump down a stair and slid down to the second stair. Then it was, "HELP, mom!". We came upstairs again later in the morning and spent a good part of the day up here. Trevor was sleeping and I was trying to clean out one of the rooms. Trevor likes to sleep in the computer room when I put Pandora.com on. He'll listen to any kind of music I pick and falls fast asleep with it blaring so I can hear it in another room.

This evening he is panting again. I'm hoping it's because we still give him too many snacks (Cheerios, Charlee Bears, etc) during the day and he's quite a tad overweight. I really don't want to back down on the Prednisone again. Right now he's waiting for me to get off the computer and go to bed.

I will tell both of you that you have really encouraged me to treasure (even more than I had been) every moment with Trevor; the good and the bad. Having this forum and your help keeps the memories of the day in better focus than before. Documenting every day with you guys will mean a great deal to me later on. But you already knew that didn't you?

I wish you a comfortable sleep and pleasant/happy dreams.......

love YOU!
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for the update on Trevor. Bless his sweet precious heart - - his bravery at attempting the stairs. He knew you were close by just in case he needed you, and sure enough - mom was there right to the rescue. Another precious moment in your life's journey together - - Trevor's reassurance that his mom is always there for him.

These are precious moments, minutes, hours, days you have with Trevor, - - and ones which your heart will treasure in the future. Bobbie, you are doing everything that is in your power to give Trevor a peaceful quality of life - - and your precious Trevor is savoring every moment he has with you.

Please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and will look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

You are amazing, Moon Beam!

Always there with many kind and encouraging words, not only for Trevor and me, but for everyone who needs them! And they are perfect! I continue to thank you from the bottom of my heart and I'm sure Trevor does, too.

Trevor's morning was good. He wasn't sure about the steps at all, but a nice little dogfood ball made that first step a breeze. It actually made me smile when Trevor realized he now had 11 more steps to go down.........But WE made it just fine. I had a lot of errands to run today, so Trevor got to sleep almost all day. In one way that was good for him, but then tonight he was restless and in pain. So, as I do often now, I threw caution to the wind and gave him the Tramadol and antihistamine he wanted. Soon after, I gave him the rest of his night medicines and we're up here on our way to bed. Trevor's neurologist had the right frame of mind, as does his "new" vet: why worry about the "long term" when there probably isn't much of a long term? Kind of like, withholding narcotic pain medication from a dying cancer patient because they "might get addicted"!!?! huh?

Thank you for continuing to remind me to cherish EVERY moment with my boy! Oh! How he is loved!!!!

And so are you, Moon Beam! Have a rest-filled night and a GOOD morning!
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for sharing your precious Trevor with us. He is so brave and I know you're so very proud of him. I can feel your heart overlfowing with love and pride for him - - and rightfully so.

I so agree with you about the medications: "why worry about the "long term" when there probably isn't much of a long term? Kind of like, withholding narcotic pain medication from a dying cancer patient because they "might get addicted"!!?! huh?" As long as he is comfortable which is giving him a peaceful quality of life with you, then - - do what you know your precious boy needs you to do.

I hope today will be kind to you and your precious Trevor. Another day to cherish and revel in each other's company. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and will look forward to knowing how each of you are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Bobbie,

Thinking of you and Trevor today and hoping it was a peaceful day filled with family, fellowship and the joy of the Easter holiday.

Take care of yourself.

Peggy

Well, Easter Day is almost over and Trevor is sound asleep next to my chair (thanks to two pain killers, one antihistamine and one sedative).

First, we hope you all had a very Happy Easter Day, however you celebrate it, and that the Easter Bunny was especially generous.

Trevor decided to sleep in, upstairs, again today. Matter of fact, he didn't get up to come downstairs until almost 3 pm! Stan and I went out for lunch and Trevor had no idea we were gone. When we came downstairs, he didn't appear to be in any increased pain, which is always so nice. The three of us hung around the house all day, making phone calls to family and watching Criminal Minds, of all things. We love that show.

Time for another week to begin.

Bless everyone of you!

Bobbie & Trevor

Dear Bobbie,

Sounds like you all had a pleasant Easter. I hope and pray that Trevor is having a good day today.

Take Care and God Bless.

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for letting us know how you and Trevor are doing. I'm so glad that Trevor had a very peaceful Easter. This is a very special Easter for you both - - another day to celebrate and treasure in your heart and memories.

I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Trevor. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Trevor got right up this morning, peed on the pads like he's supposed to, then pooped all over the carpet! Do I care? Nope. It all cleans up in the short run and in the long run, we're due for new carpeting one day. Trevor is still completely terrified of coming down the stairs. So I put a Yogurt treat on each step, sit down next to him and, ever so slowly, we make it down each step. Those bastards at my former vet's can burn in you-know-where for how they abused Trevor the last (and I mean last) time he was there.

I wanted to share with you a funny habit Trevor developed. I hope you won't think it's gross. We have a main floor half-bath and, naturally I have to use it during the day. Well, Trevor followed me in there, when we first got him, and I gave him Cheerio's for a treat. Now, every single time I step in that room, Trevor is right there at the door, silently demanding his four Cheerio's. In fact, the bathroom is the only place where he will eat plain Cheerio's any more. All the rest have to be Honey Nut flavored.

It was very hot and humid today. That was a sudden change from last week. The house got quite warm and Trevor, being the overweight champ that he is, started panting and panting. I turned the air conditioning down to 70 and turned on two additional fans to cool the place down to 75. Luckily, Trevor fell asleep right in front of the box fan on the floor and cooled down quite well. I would have to say that Trevor's day was OK. Right now he's asleep in our bedroom, under the ceiling fan, his tummy full of Cheerio's.

Thank you, Moon Beam, LoveMy Mickey, Peggy, Tom'sDad and everyone else who have been so kind to me, lifting me up just when I need it the most and tolerating my daily reports on a dog who is still alive. You mean the world to me!!!!

With love,
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie,

I'm so glad you've had a great couple of days - and thank you for keeping us updated. Yay, for several good days in a row!! Your story of Trevor and his Cheerio's cracked me up! I had a 'flash-back' to Peggy waiting for us to give her one of her treats every time we picked up the mail - the mail carrier we had for many months loved dogs and would always leave Milk-Bones on or in the mailbox for dogs on her route. She used to talk through the door to Peggy when she dropped off the mail. Christmas time always included a big box of Milk-Bones, along with her real gift (for Cherie, not Peggy, she got other stuff). Peggy became so accustomed to getting these treats that even when our lovely Cherie was moved to another route, Peggy still expected her snack when the mail was retrieved. Boy did she have all of us trained. She'd stand on the landing for the front stairs, nose pointing up toward the mailbox, busily sniffing the air, turn to me (or Mom) with a big smile and tail wagging. I didn't have the heart to tell her she wasn't getting a treat cause the new mail carrier didn't have the same view of that practice. So, we'd truck into the kitchen and get her a couple of her snacks - mostly so we wouldn't feel like we had disappointed her. Now for the funny part (showing she was smart enough to get us to do things). Shortly after Cherie stopped being our mail carrier, I started a new game with Peggy, to see how good her nose was. I'd sit her in the kitchen and go around the house hiding some of her treats (after showing them to her and allowing her to smell them). My house isn't 'huge' but it's about 2,600 sf and if I had to 'sniff something out', I'd never find it. Turns out, her nose was AMAZING. She always found every treat in a very short period of time. It took me a while to figure out that her standing on the landing outside and sniffing the air was a big show put on for our benefit. With the nose I saw her use to find snacky's in the house, there is no way on God's green earth that she 'thought she smelled' something on that mailbox. The little faker!! She learned (much faster than we did ) that if she did her little routine, it would signal us to go to the pantry and get her what she wanted. It's good to know that it's a common practice for dogs to train their owners - my ego was taking a big hit when I realized my blonde dog was probably smarter than I had a hope of being. LOL

Thank your for sharing your story and giving me a good chuckle! I hope you all continue to do well and as always, you're in my thoughts and prayers!

Take care,

Peggy

Hi, Bobbie, thanks so much for letting us know how Trevor is doing. I'm so glad Trevor finds comfort in the fans. They do help with shortness of breath.

Bobbie, we are so o o glad you are sharing Trevor's daily successes and routines with us. He is still with you because he still has the spirit and will to be, and he's comforted by your eternal love for him. Each day is a gift to you both. As you mentioned before, this is your daily journal of your earthly journey together, and it's a privilege for us to share it with you.

Please know you and your precious Trevor are close in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Peggy and Moon Beam,

Well, it had to come to an end didn't it? Trevor didn't have a very good night last night. The meds just didn't seem to "take" and Trevor had a pretty restless night. Finally, I just gave him a lttle bit of everything, sat up on the floor with him and he finally fell into a deep sleep. This morning, for the first time, Trevor leaked urine while sleeping. I knew right away because he was sleeping on the puppy pads. I'm hoping it was simply because he hadn't peed since 10 pm last night.

The rest of the day was fair. I had several things to do around the house and that kept Trevor awake more than usual - he follows me everywhere. He can't have me out of his sight. (good on my ego) Finally we lay down and Trevor went to sleep. And that's when I saw them - the dark color around the outside of Trevor's eyes. It makes Trevor look like he is so exhausted, so tired, in so much pain (which I don't think he is right now) that I just want to cry. And hold him tight and tell him I'll protect you and mommy will take care of you always. It just makes me so sad. I'm sure it's just pigmentation due to age, excess tear production or something like that. But it doesn't look that way to me. Help!

We did go outside for a few minutes right around sunset. It was still warm, but breezy and we stayed in the shade of a big maple tree. We no longer go for walks, we go for meanders. Trevor found some really good dandelions that had messages from several different dogs. He was happy, almost pushing his nose right into the ground. I thought he was going to roll, but he didn't. whew

Evening was a bit rough because our air conditioning duct system is really BAD and it's hot in the house. But eventually, Trevor relaxed on his blanket and fell asleep until it was time to come upstairs. Trevor is sleeping and I'm going to, also. Let's hope for a good night.

And a good night to you, also! Again, thank you for all you have given and done for me!

XOXOxo
Bobbie

Hello, my sweet friend,

I am so sorry that the pain management approach you’ve been using with Trevor doesn’t seem to be working. I’m wondering if the introduction of the new med on the 22nd (?) may be changing the way his body chemistry is handling the established meds? Hopefully it’s just an adjustment period while his body assimilates the new medication. Is it possible that he was sleeping on a pee-pad because he went to it during the night but was just too tired to walk back to where he had been sleeping? Since he went to the pad, it appears he woke up to ‘go’ but maybe the meds knocked him back out as soon as he was done so he just stayed where he was?? I’m hoping that’s the case.

The darkness around his eyes could be due to age or maybe it was because he was sleep deprived during the day while following you around. And since he was restless last night, he may be tired from not getting a good night sleep. You are so in tune with Trevor that I honestly think if he were in pain, you’d know. Dear, dear Bobbie, I know how painful this is and I wish I could find the words to help ease your pain and the fear you have for Trevor possibly suffering. Please try to remember that if he were in a lot of pain, it’s likely he wouldn’t care about sniffing flowers that other dogs had visited during the day. I think that when we know our time is limited, we notice every detail and our hearts absorb every possible meaning that indicates how short our time may be. You are trying so hard to do everything perfectly for Trevor, to ensure he’s comfortable and feels loved, so everything that doesn’t suggest good health tears at your heart. I understand. Even when we thought Peggy was healthy, I always felt she wouldn’t be with us long (just a gut feeling I had from the first day she came to live with us) and I used to watch her, memorizing quirks I could remember with fondness and watching for indicators of ill health. Looking back, I realize I really began doing that in the last year or so – not anywhere near as much in the earlier years. I think on some level, we recognize when time is getting short. In your case, you know your time is limited so you’re trying desperately to watch for signs from Trevor that he has reached the limit of his endurance so you can prevent him from needlessly suffering. His going out with you today and sniffing the flowers with such gusto suggests that he still finds joy in living. I know it’s disheartening but please try to not be discouraged because the pain control regime isn’t working for now. It’s very possible that you just need to make some adjustments in order to get back on-track. Again, I suspect the new med is necessitating the adjustment. Maybe the vet can let you know if there are any known interactions that would prevent one or two of his meds from working properly?

I hope tonight has brought you both some peaceful and healing sleep. As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,

Peggy

Hi, Bobbie, unfortunately, eventually the medications reach a "threshold" and then comes the decision of increasing the doseage or the frequency for them to be effective again. I'm hoping this was just a bad day for Trevor, and you, and that today is much better. I hope you and Trevor did have a very peaceful evening.

Bobbie, please know I do understand what you and Trevor are going through. When your Trevor has good days, I know your heart can't touch ground for it is soaring with sheer delight, but when your Trevor has a bad day, it is a horrible "wake up call" to reality, and your heart sinks with a crushing blow - - as though you cannot catch your breath. I thank you so much for sharing your and Trevor's journey together with us, Bobbie, and for giving us the opportunity to be here for you.

Please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Moon Beam & Peggy,

Last night I had to sleep on the floor with Trevor for a couple hours. He was just restless and needed his mom's hand on his bottom. It worked for him, but I had a real backache this morning.

Trevor had a good day today. I think you're right, Moon Beam, Trevor is becoming tolerant of the dosage of Tremadol. Soetimes he acts like he's addicted to the stuff. He probably is. He's not the first dying dog that's been addicted to pain killers and he won't be the last. Besides, I don't really care how much he needs as long as he's happy and has good days.

We had tornado warnings this morning, so Trevor and I slept in. We got a lot of rain and some wind and by 11 am it was all over. Then I blew out our blessed candle! I had to go shopping this afternoon and Trevor got some more nap time. About 8:00 this evening, Trevor acted like he wanted to go outside. He came right out the door and jumped down the step to the sidewalk. It was cool out! And Trevor wanted to go on a WALK! We walked the equivalent of 4 blocks and I mean Trevor WALKED. No meandering, he walked at a steady clip. Just like the old days. What fun that was! He's now going to go out every evening when it's cool. I think that's the secret for him. Matter of fact, when we came in, Trevor went over to his blanket and promptly feel into a deep, non drug induced, sleep for more than an hour! That was the most peaceful I've seen him in a long time. He just sunk into that blanket.

Right now he's sleeping in the bedroom while I finish on the computer. It was a good day. IT WAS A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

With love and joy,
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, I feel your spirit S O A R I N G as you share with us Trevor's GOOD DAY yesterday. I hope and pray that he has a repeat performance today.

Yes, the cooler weather will be better for his breathing - - it was the same way for my Oslo. Just do whatever you need to do to keep your precious boy comfortable, content, and happy. Each moment with him is a treasure for the both of you - - and I am so honored that you are sharing this time with us as well.

Please know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I think we are on a roll....................Trevor went on an even longer walk tonight! It was a perfect day, the temps were cool, no humidity and a slight breeze. Once he got oriented to where he was, Trevor just took off and started walking. I finally had to steer him back home.

He's sleeping on his blanket and it's time for me to join him!

Bless everyone, Jeanne, Peggy, Moon Beam, Scott and Tucker!

XOXOxo
Bobbie

Thats great Bobbie. So happy that you and Trevor are sharing 'good' times. Thanks for letting us know. Enjoy a lovely cuddle nap now.

Hugs Jan and my Angles and Pixie x

Hi, Bobbie, just want to add my elation with Jan's as to your wonderful news about your and Trevor's day yesterday. I am so o o o glad that Trevor is more comfortable and is enjoying blessed quality time with you. Thank you so much for sharing your days together with us, Bobbie.

I hope today will be kind to you and your precious Trevor. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and will look forward to sharing how your day went whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I said to Trevor this evening, as Stan and I were cleaning the 6 pee puddles on and off the pads and on the living room carpet and the 1 pile of poo in the kitchen, that I am one of the luckiest people around. I have Trevor and Stan here at home and I have the most incredible goup of people on this site! It's true! Every one of you, you listening Moon Beam, Peggy, Janika, et al?? My "problems" seem so small when compared to the devastating losses suffered by all of you and yet, to a last person, you are so interested in Trevor and my days. This a true blessing and is sustaining me like no other.

We were gone most of the day and my best friend, Barb, came over and gave Trevor his pills and treats as needed (God bless her) so by the time we got home, Trevor was running out of places to...................................

Just heard about Bin Laden. finally

Trevor wants me to sleep on the floor with him tonight, so I'm taking Tylenol right away.

Thank you, again, all my new friends who mean the world to me!

Good Night!
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, bless your heart. So many people would not be as patient as you are with your precious Trevor. Much of what you are going through I also shared with my Oslo, so I truly do understand. Your Trevor is blessed having you and Stan for his mom and dad - - knowing that he is loved - - deeply, richly, eternally - - loved. There is no greater love we can know on this side of eternity, and I thank you so o o much for sharing with us your and Trevor's precious love.

I hope you and Trevor had a peaceful slumber last night, and that you are having a good day today. May you know you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers, Bobbie, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you both whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon Beam!

Thank you for your message! It was so encouraging. Yes, I love my sweet boy with all my heart and there is nothing I won't do for him (unless I run out of money). In the two short years that we've had him, I've grown to adore and admire him just as I have all my boys before him. He has been so good to and for me. I just wish there was more I could do to ease his pain, esp. on the bad days.

And one of them happened today. Trevor refused to come down the stairs until 11:30 this morning, even with treats on every step. Then every time I thought he was snd asleep and tried to come upstairs to do some computer work, he'd wake up and didn't know where I was. I feel badly when that happens because he has had so little security most of his life and he really likes to have mom around. This evening was particularly perplexing. We'd gone to a Little League ball game for a couple hours and got home around 8 pm. Trevor had peed everywhere and acted so frantically hungry, even though I had already fed him before we left. Then the panting started up again and by the time we got upstairs at 10 pm I was getting concerned. It took Trevor almost 45 minutes to settle down enough to lie down, but the panting continued. Finally Trevor put his head down to sleep, but his breathing remains heavy and fast. I'll be sleeping on the floor by him again tonight. I just HATE it when Trevor is uncomfortable or in pain. And I don't know where the panting is coming from this time. I'm going to start weaning the Prednisone again and give him pain medication whenever he wants it. Darn! I don't like these kind of days and nights and I know more are definitely coming. Let's hope that tomorrow is a better day.

I am going to learn all about your Oslo asap. Have a good and restful night's sleep.

XOXOxo
Bobbie

Hi, Bobbie, thank you so much for letting us know how you and your precious Trevor are doing. I am so sorry that Trevor had a bad day yesterday. When I would snuggle with my Oslo and Abbygayle as their journey to the angels grew closer I would softly tell them that it was okay - - that they are going to a beautiful place - - they are going back home to the heart of our Heavenly Father Creator. I also told them that even though I cannot join them right now that they will always be in my heart and memories. They do understand what we say to them, and I think it helps to reassure them that we will be okay - - eventually - -. This is a "transition" time for the both of you, and Trevor just wants to be as close to you for as long as he physically can be, because right now he is still in his physical body and needs your physical loving touch and the soothing sound of your voice to comfort him. It is totally obvious that you love your precious Trevor with all your heart, my friend, and that you are doing everything in your power to make sure he is comfortable and content during his transition journey to the angels. I am hoping and praying that today is being kind to you both, and that you will have a peaceful evening together.

Bobbie, please know you and your precious Trevor are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Bobbie,

I hope you are doing well and that Trevor is doing better than he was earlier in the week. Just wanted to pop by and let you know I was thinking of all of you. You all remain in my thoughts and prayers and I thank you for all your support during the 8 week anniversary of Peggy's passing.

Take care,

Peggy

Hi, Bobbie, like Peggy I'm just stopping by to say hello and to let you know that you and your precious Trevor are in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you both are stretched out in front of the TV watching the Derby doin's today, and you both have made your pick on the ponies you'd like to cross the finish line.

Bobbie, I look forward to knowing how you and your precious Trevor are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam