For the past 2 days I have emersed my grief in reading postings finding them comforting in dealing with the guilt and heartache. My precious little Victoria was euthanized on 1/23 while I held her head and told her that I love her. Victoria was a buff and white ##er spaniel close to 14 years of age who had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age, despite her health issues with cushings disease which we controlled with a lot of medication.
Last Thurs. Victoria stopped eating treats, had difficulty on the stairs, stayed in bed alot, and stopped wagging her tail. I took her to the vet on Fri. and he said that it may be lyme disease, prescibed an antibiotic, and told me to call on Mon. if she was worse. The next day she drank her water, and ate a tiny bit of food. She even jumped off my lap to watch children sledding out the window. I went to the city that evening for shopping and dinner not knowing that would be the last night that I could be with her. I still remember Victoria's sad eyes looking at me as I was leaving. Her appitite was worse when I returned home. The next morning she could barely walk, was totally disorriented, and was incontinent. We took her to an emergency vet center as my regular vet was not in the office. By Sunday at lunch time she had to be carried into the emergency center and was critically ill. The vet suspected that she had cancer which had spread to a major organ. I made the decision to euthanize which I am OK with. She went peacefully surrounded by the people that loved her the most.
My difficulty is with the guilt I feel in not being with my girl for close to 5 hours on her last night, and with the extreme sense of loss and pain. Since Victoria had health issues with the cushings disease and was deaf, so much of my time was spent caring for her, especially these last 2 years. Now there is an enormous emptiness in my heart. I just want to cry all the time and I'm having trouble sleeping. I've been talking to friends and have a very supportive significant other, but the pain of grief is so sudden and intense.
Full Version: Grieving My Beautiful Little Girl
Dear Juturna
I send my condolences for the loss of your beloved Victoria. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a big HUG to comfort you at this very sad time. Victoria is free from all the suffering now and she knows how much she is loved and cared for. We all feel 'guilt' over some aspect of their leaving us. I spent 2 weeks visiting my parents in Spain during August 2009, and my Noushka was gone by early September. I felt so bad about it. My husband was here with her, and she wasn't 'ill' then, but she was 13 years old, and I felt so guilty to have missed that precious time with her. Our fur babies don't see things that way though, and the last thing they would want is for us to feel so 'bad'. The important thing is that you were with Victoria during a peaceful passing, loving her and comforting her.
Please come back when you can and let us know how you are. Maybe if you feel able you could post more about Victoria and also maybe a photo.
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
I send my condolences for the loss of your beloved Victoria. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a big HUG to comfort you at this very sad time. Victoria is free from all the suffering now and she knows how much she is loved and cared for. We all feel 'guilt' over some aspect of their leaving us. I spent 2 weeks visiting my parents in Spain during August 2009, and my Noushka was gone by early September. I felt so bad about it. My husband was here with her, and she wasn't 'ill' then, but she was 13 years old, and I felt so guilty to have missed that precious time with her. Our fur babies don't see things that way though, and the last thing they would want is for us to feel so 'bad'. The important thing is that you were with Victoria during a peaceful passing, loving her and comforting her.
Please come back when you can and let us know how you are. Maybe if you feel able you could post more about Victoria and also maybe a photo.
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
Hi Juturna
So sorry to hear about your loss of lovely Victoria. You gave her a lifetime of happiness. You should feel no guilt because your devotion to her, caring for her so much especially these last two years, is unquestionable.
As Jan mentioned, if you feel up to it, it would be lovely to see a photo of Victoria if you could post one.
You, Victoria, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care
Peter
So sorry to hear about your loss of lovely Victoria. You gave her a lifetime of happiness. You should feel no guilt because your devotion to her, caring for her so much especially these last two years, is unquestionable.
As Jan mentioned, if you feel up to it, it would be lovely to see a photo of Victoria if you could post one.
You, Victoria, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care
Peter
QUOTE (Juturna @ Jan 26 2011, 11:49 PM) 
For the past 2 days I have emersed my grief in reading postings finding them comforting in dealing with the guilt and heartache. My precious little Victoria was euthanized on 1/23 while I held her head and told her that I love her. Victoria was a buff and white ##er spaniel close to 14 years of age who had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age, despite her health issues with cushings disease which we controlled with a lot of medication.
Last Thurs. Victoria stopped eating treats, had difficulty on the stairs, stayed in bed alot, and stopped wagging her tail. I took her to the vet on Fri. and he said that it may be lyme disease, prescibed an antibiotic, and told me to call on Mon. if she was worse. The next day she drank her water, and ate a tiny bit of food. She even jumped off my lap to watch children sledding out the window. I went to the city that evening for shopping and dinner not knowing that would be the last night that I could be with her. I still remember Victoria's sad eyes looking at me as I was leaving. Her appitite was worse when I returned home. The next morning she could barely walk, was totally disorriented, and was incontinent. We took her to an emergency vet center as my regular vet was not in the office. By Sunday at lunch time she had to be carried into the emergency center and was critically ill. The vet suspected that she had cancer which had spread to a major organ. I made the decision to euthanize which I am OK with. She went peacefully surrounded by the people that loved her the most.
My difficulty is with the guilt I feel in not being with my girl for close to 5 hours on her last night, and with the extreme sense of loss and pain. Since Victoria had health issues with the cushings disease and was deaf, so much of my time was spent caring for her, especially these last 2 years. Now there is an enormous emptiness in my heart. I just want to cry all the time and I'm having trouble sleeping. I've been talking to friends and have a very supportive significant other, but the pain of grief is so sudden and intense.
Last Thurs. Victoria stopped eating treats, had difficulty on the stairs, stayed in bed alot, and stopped wagging her tail. I took her to the vet on Fri. and he said that it may be lyme disease, prescibed an antibiotic, and told me to call on Mon. if she was worse. The next day she drank her water, and ate a tiny bit of food. She even jumped off my lap to watch children sledding out the window. I went to the city that evening for shopping and dinner not knowing that would be the last night that I could be with her. I still remember Victoria's sad eyes looking at me as I was leaving. Her appitite was worse when I returned home. The next morning she could barely walk, was totally disorriented, and was incontinent. We took her to an emergency vet center as my regular vet was not in the office. By Sunday at lunch time she had to be carried into the emergency center and was critically ill. The vet suspected that she had cancer which had spread to a major organ. I made the decision to euthanize which I am OK with. She went peacefully surrounded by the people that loved her the most.
My difficulty is with the guilt I feel in not being with my girl for close to 5 hours on her last night, and with the extreme sense of loss and pain. Since Victoria had health issues with the cushings disease and was deaf, so much of my time was spent caring for her, especially these last 2 years. Now there is an enormous emptiness in my heart. I just want to cry all the time and I'm having trouble sleeping. I've been talking to friends and have a very supportive significant other, but the pain of grief is so sudden and intense.
Hi Juturna,
I also lost my sweet boy on 1/20/11 and understand the pain you are in. It is normal to feel guilty over things after the loss of a dear pet; I know because I am dealing with mine. I am sure your little Victoria did not hold that against you, if she had any say so, she would not want you to grieve over her that way but remember her in the happy times. I am sure she appreciated all the time you spent with her, caring for her and loving her all her years. Do not blame yourself, we never know when their time is up, only that it is near.
My Poppy was going through the same similar things your little Victoria endured. If I had known that he was going to leave me so soon, I would not have gone to work on that day. The next day, he could not walk, eat or drink. He was in a lot of pain when I took him in to the vet, but the sedative they gave him prior to putting him to sleep allowed him to pass on peacefully and I have peace in that. He died in my arms telling him how much I loved him and I would not have it any other way.
You were there for her last minutes and that will be something Victoria took with her, have peace in that. We are all here to share in your pain. Stay in touch.
Hi, Juturna, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Victoria. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
Juturna, unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foreknowledge - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight, and it is the hindsight that is the source of our guilt - - the "if only", "why didn't I" "I should have" - - and on and on and on. Guilt, unfortunately, is part of the package of this grief journey and is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. One of the most important things that you need to focus on is that you did the very best for your precious Victoria at any given time with the information you had and the circumstances at the moment. Victoria knows you love her with all your heart, Juturna. This precious love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal - - it is not confined to the physical laws of time and space. She is forever a part of you, Juturna, and hopefully, as your deep grief eases you will be able to feel the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit forever in your heart and memories. She is still sharing your earthly journey just as she always has and always will, Juturna.
This grief journey is a one day at a time, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, Juturna. Unfortunately there is no fast forward through the deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity. I am so glad you have someone close to you who is supportive of you through this time of deep sorrow. And please know each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you as well, Juturna, for as long and as often as you need us.
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing your precious Victoria with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us and sharing some of your wonderful memories - - in your own time whenever you may be up to it. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Juturna, unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foreknowledge - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight, and it is the hindsight that is the source of our guilt - - the "if only", "why didn't I" "I should have" - - and on and on and on. Guilt, unfortunately, is part of the package of this grief journey and is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. One of the most important things that you need to focus on is that you did the very best for your precious Victoria at any given time with the information you had and the circumstances at the moment. Victoria knows you love her with all your heart, Juturna. This precious love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal - - it is not confined to the physical laws of time and space. She is forever a part of you, Juturna, and hopefully, as your deep grief eases you will be able to feel the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit forever in your heart and memories. She is still sharing your earthly journey just as she always has and always will, Juturna.
This grief journey is a one day at a time, sometimes a one moment at a time journey, Juturna. Unfortunately there is no fast forward through the deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity. I am so glad you have someone close to you who is supportive of you through this time of deep sorrow. And please know each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you as well, Juturna, for as long and as often as you need us.
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing your precious Victoria with us. Perhaps in time you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us and sharing some of your wonderful memories - - in your own time whenever you may be up to it. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Jan, Peter, Poppy's Mom, and Moon_beam,
Thank you so very much for your comforting words of support, wisdom, and compassion. It is helping me to know that others understand and have walked in my shoes.
I will try to post a pic of my beautiful Victoria in the next week or two.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Thank you so very much for your comforting words of support, wisdom, and compassion. It is helping me to know that others understand and have walked in my shoes.
I will try to post a pic of my beautiful Victoria in the next week or two.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, we will look forward to sharing picture(s) of your precious Victoria whenever possible. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jan 28 2011, 04:35 PM)
Hi, Juturna, we will look forward to sharing picture(s) of your precious Victoria whenever possible. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon_beam,
Thank you for the prayers and support. You are an angel.
Today was difficult as my first call this morning was learning that Victoria's ashes are available. I'm unable to pick them up just yet. After caring for my precious girl for close to 14 years, I still keep thinking that it is time to take her outside again.
My plan for this weekend is to involve myself in something spiritual, so that I may feel closer to Victoria's vibrant little soul.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
hi
i had to smile when i read that Victoria "had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age" because that was my 15 and half year old bohdi exactly.
i keep thinking if i had known that saturday night had been the last night we'd have, i would have stayed awake all night and watched and listened to her sleep and cuddled her close. i have to make myself remember though that i made bohdi my life and gave her all i could as often as i could, i think maybe it's the same for you. maybe hold onto that thought when the guilt threatens to engulf you.
my friends are my family and they are understanding and supportive and miss bohdi, but somehow i still feel alone in this journey most of the time. i can get a sense when i'm on here that people 'get' it and that helps, but outside of here i don't think people quite get just how enourmous the pain is and just how heartbroken and devastated i am. it's so hard and i wish i could take away some of that pain for you, but i hope kinowing you're not alone in it helps you too.
would it help you to do something to honour her memory or have you already done something like that.
please take gentle care of yourself as you find your way through this painful journey
i had to smile when i read that Victoria "had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age" because that was my 15 and half year old bohdi exactly.
i keep thinking if i had known that saturday night had been the last night we'd have, i would have stayed awake all night and watched and listened to her sleep and cuddled her close. i have to make myself remember though that i made bohdi my life and gave her all i could as often as i could, i think maybe it's the same for you. maybe hold onto that thought when the guilt threatens to engulf you.
my friends are my family and they are understanding and supportive and miss bohdi, but somehow i still feel alone in this journey most of the time. i can get a sense when i'm on here that people 'get' it and that helps, but outside of here i don't think people quite get just how enourmous the pain is and just how heartbroken and devastated i am. it's so hard and i wish i could take away some of that pain for you, but i hope kinowing you're not alone in it helps you too.
would it help you to do something to honour her memory or have you already done something like that.
please take gentle care of yourself as you find your way through this painful journey
Hi, Juturna, getting the ashes back of our beloved companions is a two-edged sword: one edge is the comfort of having our babies back home with us, although not in the physical presence we want them, and the other edge is another reality reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us as we so desperately yearn to have them.
In your time, Juturna, you will be able to bring your precious Victoria's ashes home. I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, so that you can feel your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit close to you, surrounding you, embracing you.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
In your time, Juturna, you will be able to bring your precious Victoria's ashes home. I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, so that you can feel your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit close to you, surrounding you, embracing you.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jan 29 2011, 11:49 AM)
Hi, Juturna, getting the ashes back of our beloved companions is a two-edged sword: one edge is the comfort of having our babies back home with us, although not in the physical presence we want them, and the other edge is another reality reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us as we so desperately yearn to have them.
In your time, Juturna, you will be able to bring your precious Victoria's ashes home. I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, so that you can feel your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit close to you, surrounding you, embracing you.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
In your time, Juturna, you will be able to bring your precious Victoria's ashes home. I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, so that you can feel your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit close to you, surrounding you, embracing you.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon_beam,
Many thanks again for your kind words, compassion, and wisdom.
I went to the Cloisters yesterday, sat in the monks' meeting room, and was able to connect with Victoria's vibrant spirit. Today is harder as this is the one week anniversary of her passing. I've decided that I will pick up the ashes in time, just not right now. I will try to post a photo.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
QUOTE (rainbohdi @ Jan 29 2011, 11:19 AM)
hi
i had to smile when i read that Victoria "had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age" because that was my 15 and half year old bohdi exactly.
i keep thinking if i had known that saturday night had been the last night we'd have, i would have stayed awake all night and watched and listened to her sleep and cuddled her close. i have to make myself remember though that i made bohdi my life and gave her all i could as often as i could, i think maybe it's the same for you. maybe hold onto that thought when the guilt threatens to engulf you.
my friends are my family and they are understanding and supportive and miss bohdi, but somehow i still feel alone in this journey most of the time. i can get a sense when i'm on here that people 'get' it and that helps, but outside of here i don't think people quite get just how enourmous the pain is and just how heartbroken and devastated i am. it's so hard and i wish i could take away some of that pain for you, but i hope kinowing you're not alone in it helps you too.
would it help you to do something to honour her memory or have you already done something like that.
please take gentle care of yourself as you find your way through this painful journey
Dear Rainbohdi,
Thank you so much for your kind, compassionate words. I too wish that I could have spent the last night holding and cuddling with my beautiful girl. The support from you and others is very helpful through this grief journey, especially today as my memories from last Sunday are so vivid.
And yes, I will do something in time to honor her memory.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
i had to smile when i read that Victoria "had a strong will and tremendous spirit. She presented as much younger than her age" because that was my 15 and half year old bohdi exactly.
i keep thinking if i had known that saturday night had been the last night we'd have, i would have stayed awake all night and watched and listened to her sleep and cuddled her close. i have to make myself remember though that i made bohdi my life and gave her all i could as often as i could, i think maybe it's the same for you. maybe hold onto that thought when the guilt threatens to engulf you.
my friends are my family and they are understanding and supportive and miss bohdi, but somehow i still feel alone in this journey most of the time. i can get a sense when i'm on here that people 'get' it and that helps, but outside of here i don't think people quite get just how enourmous the pain is and just how heartbroken and devastated i am. it's so hard and i wish i could take away some of that pain for you, but i hope kinowing you're not alone in it helps you too.
would it help you to do something to honour her memory or have you already done something like that.
please take gentle care of yourself as you find your way through this painful journey
Dear Rainbohdi,
Thank you so much for your kind, compassionate words. I too wish that I could have spent the last night holding and cuddling with my beautiful girl. The support from you and others is very helpful through this grief journey, especially today as my memories from last Sunday are so vivid.
And yes, I will do something in time to honor her memory.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Here is a photo I'm trying to send of my beautiful girl. This was take before she lost 25% of her body weight from the cushings disease, so it is over a year old.
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Juturna
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Juturna
QUOTE (Juturna @ Jan 30 2011, 03:47 PM)
Here is a photo I'm trying to send of my beautiful girl. This was take before she lost 25% of her body weight from the cushings disease, so it is over a year old.
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Juturna
Thank you for letting me share this with you.
Juturna
Sent 2 of the same photo by accident. Here is the other I meant to send.
Thank you all for your patience and support.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Thank you all for your patience and support.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Dear Juturna
Thankyou for posting the photos of your beautiful Victoria. She's adorable.
Hope you are doing ok, well as ok as can be expected. I'm so happy that you connected with your Victoria's spirit, while at the Cloisters. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious Angel Victoria.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Thankyou for posting the photos of your beautiful Victoria. She's adorable.
Hope you are doing ok, well as ok as can be expected. I'm so happy that you connected with your Victoria's spirit, while at the Cloisters. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious Angel Victoria.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
QUOTE (janika @ Jan 30 2011, 11:10 PM)
Dear Juturna
Thankyou for posting the photos of your beautiful Victoria. She's adorable.
Hope you are doing ok, well as ok as can be expected. I'm so happy that you connected with your Victoria's spirit, while at the Cloisters. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious Angel Victoria.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Thankyou for posting the photos of your beautiful Victoria. She's adorable.
Hope you are doing ok, well as ok as can be expected. I'm so happy that you connected with your Victoria's spirit, while at the Cloisters. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious Angel Victoria.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Dear Jan,
Thank you for your heartfelt compassion and prayers. Connecting with Victoria's vibrant spirit was helpful, and I will take the time to do more meditating. For right now, I'm OK. This evening will be difficult as I'm seeing clients at home, and Victoria's presence will be sadly missed.
Your Angels Tasha and Noushka are so beautiful.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, thank you so o o much for sharing pictures of your precious Victoria with us. What a sweet precious girl she is. I can so well relate to how peaceful the Cloisters are to assist you in getting in touch with Victoria's sweet Living Spirit. I'm so glad for you.
The anniversaries are a challenge to cope with, particularly during the deep grief. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day, Juturna. I hope your heart has had some peace and comfort today, and each coming day as well. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
The anniversaries are a challenge to cope with, particularly during the deep grief. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day, Juturna. I hope your heart has had some peace and comfort today, and each coming day as well. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
what a beautiful girl, those pictures are just gorgeous. looking at her makes me just want to cuddle and stroke her. in that last one she looks so bright and alert and knowing.
aside from it being just friends and not clients, i really know how that feels.
warm thoughts
QUOTE
This evening will be difficult as I'm seeing clients at home, and Victoria's presence will be sadly missed.
aside from it being just friends and not clients, i really know how that feels.
warm thoughts
Hi Juturna,
I just want to add my condolences for the loss of your precious Victoria. I have to say with all sincerety that she is one of the most BEAUTIFUL dogs that I have ever seen. Just stunning. And it sounds like her spirit is just as beautiful -- and this she will never lose, and neither will you.
During the early stages of grief it is "normal" to just want to cry all the time and to have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, I think these are just things we have to go through before the healing can begin. I know it's difficult to believe now, but in time the wound in your heart will slowly begin to scar over. It may never heal completely, but there will come a time when you can think of your baby and all the wonderful memories and smile.
In the meantime, just take things slowly, and take each day at a time. We are all here for you.
Take care as best as you can,
Cheryl xx
I just want to add my condolences for the loss of your precious Victoria. I have to say with all sincerety that she is one of the most BEAUTIFUL dogs that I have ever seen. Just stunning. And it sounds like her spirit is just as beautiful -- and this she will never lose, and neither will you.
During the early stages of grief it is "normal" to just want to cry all the time and to have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, I think these are just things we have to go through before the healing can begin. I know it's difficult to believe now, but in time the wound in your heart will slowly begin to scar over. It may never heal completely, but there will come a time when you can think of your baby and all the wonderful memories and smile.
In the meantime, just take things slowly, and take each day at a time. We are all here for you.
Take care as best as you can,
Cheryl xx
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jan 31 2011, 05:18 PM)
Hi, Juturna, thank you so o o much for sharing pictures of your precious Victoria with us. What a sweet precious girl she is. I can so well relate to how peaceful the Cloisters are to assist you in getting in touch with Victoria's sweet Living Spirit. I'm so glad for you.
The anniversaries are a challenge to cope with, particularly during the deep grief. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day, Juturna. I hope your heart has had some peace and comfort today, and each coming day as well. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
The anniversaries are a challenge to cope with, particularly during the deep grief. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers each day, Juturna. I hope your heart has had some peace and comfort today, and each coming day as well. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moom_beam,
Thank you again for your compassion, and for relating and viewing Victoria's pictures.
Seeing clients at home yesterday was a hurdle that I feel I was able to walk through with grace.
Today was more difficult as I was working solo at home due to the weather. Whenever I was at home my beautiful Victoria used to follow me around. Since she had become deaf, she seemed to need to see me.
The guilt is haunting me for not being with her continuously in her final 24 hrs. on earth. When I meditate, I feel her forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself.
I'm glad that I will be at the office tomorrow and Thurs.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
QUOTE (rainbohdi @ Feb 1 2011, 10:55 AM)
what a beautiful girl, those pictures are just gorgeous. looking at her makes me just want to cuddle and stroke her. in that last one she looks so bright and alert and knowing.
aside from it being just friends and not clients, i really know how that feels.
warm thoughts
aside from it being just friends and not clients, i really know how that feels.
warm thoughts
Dear Rainbohdi,
Thank you for your validating compassionate words and for relating. Yes, Victoria was very alert and smart. And her hair was like soft cotton.
Today was difficult. I went into her crate to touch her blankets and a lock of her hair. I so regret not spending her last 24 hours by her side the entire time.
It is one day at a time.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
QUOTE (Cheryl83 @ Feb 1 2011, 03:53 PM)
Hi Juturna,
I just want to add my condolences for the loss of your precious Victoria. I have to say with all sincerety that she is one of the most BEAUTIFUL dogs that I have ever seen. Just stunning. And it sounds like her spirit is just as beautiful -- and this she will never lose, and neither will you.
During the early stages of grief it is "normal" to just want to cry all the time and to have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, I think these are just things we have to go through before the healing can begin. I know it's difficult to believe now, but in time the wound in your heart will slowly begin to scar over. It may never heal completely, but there will come a time when you can think of your baby and all the wonderful memories and smile.
In the meantime, just take things slowly, and take each day at a time. We are all here for you.
Take care as best as you can,
Cheryl xx
I just want to add my condolences for the loss of your precious Victoria. I have to say with all sincerety that she is one of the most BEAUTIFUL dogs that I have ever seen. Just stunning. And it sounds like her spirit is just as beautiful -- and this she will never lose, and neither will you.
During the early stages of grief it is "normal" to just want to cry all the time and to have trouble sleeping. Unfortunately, I think these are just things we have to go through before the healing can begin. I know it's difficult to believe now, but in time the wound in your heart will slowly begin to scar over. It may never heal completely, but there will come a time when you can think of your baby and all the wonderful memories and smile.
In the meantime, just take things slowly, and take each day at a time. We are all here for you.
Take care as best as you can,
Cheryl xx
Dear Cheryl,
Thank you so much for taking the time to view the pictures of Victoria and for your compassionate, validating words. Yes, Victoria's extraverted, bright spirit is beautiful. I miss her so very much.
Today was difficult. With my other dog that passed, I had warning when she was in her final days. I believe because Victoria's spirit remained so vibrant, her final day seemed to be sudden, even though I knew she was sick.
Thanks again.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
"The guilt is haunting me for not being with her continuously in her final 24 hrs. on earth. When I meditate, I feel her forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself."
Hi, Juturna, our beloved companions understand that we are "mere humans." Your precious Victoria knows that you love her with all your heart and would have forefeited everything to be with her had you known what would happen. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foresight, - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight. And it is this hindsight that is the source of our guilt, unfortunately. We are not omnipotent - - we can only make decisions based on the information we have available to us at any given time. One of the most important things for you to hold onto when you feel these moments of guilt creep into your soul is to cling to the reality that you love your precious Victoria with all your heart and soul, and I guarantee you, Juturna, that love - - the love you share with your precious Victoria -- has no room for guilt. Your precious Victoria wants you to hold on to the love bond you and Victoria share so that the guilt will not infiltrate your spirit and deprive you of the joy that you and your precious Victoria shared during your earthly journey together, and the eternal love you continue to share.
The difficult part is traveling through this grief journey to the moment in time that you can feel this absolute truth in your heart and soul. I wish there was some way I could take this doubt and guilt from your heart, Juturna, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship, support, and encouragement, and the promise that I am here for you, with you, and beside you - - along with the wonderful people in this forum - - as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Losing our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - and so it is important that you do whatever you find comforting for you as you travel this grief journey.
Juturna, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and lblessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Juturna, our beloved companions understand that we are "mere humans." Your precious Victoria knows that you love her with all your heart and would have forefeited everything to be with her had you known what would happen. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foresight, - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight. And it is this hindsight that is the source of our guilt, unfortunately. We are not omnipotent - - we can only make decisions based on the information we have available to us at any given time. One of the most important things for you to hold onto when you feel these moments of guilt creep into your soul is to cling to the reality that you love your precious Victoria with all your heart and soul, and I guarantee you, Juturna, that love - - the love you share with your precious Victoria -- has no room for guilt. Your precious Victoria wants you to hold on to the love bond you and Victoria share so that the guilt will not infiltrate your spirit and deprive you of the joy that you and your precious Victoria shared during your earthly journey together, and the eternal love you continue to share.
The difficult part is traveling through this grief journey to the moment in time that you can feel this absolute truth in your heart and soul. I wish there was some way I could take this doubt and guilt from your heart, Juturna, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship, support, and encouragement, and the promise that I am here for you, with you, and beside you - - along with the wonderful people in this forum - - as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Losing our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - and so it is important that you do whatever you find comforting for you as you travel this grief journey.
Juturna, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and lblessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 1 2011, 07:00 PM)
"The guilt is haunting me for not being with her continuously in her final 24 hrs. on earth. When I meditate, I feel her forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself."
Hi, Juturna, our beloved companions understand that we are "mere humans." Your precious Victoria knows that you love her with all your heart and would have forefeited everything to be with her had you known what would happen. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foresight, - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight. And it is this hindsight that is the source of our guilt, unfortunately. We are not omnipotent - - we can only make decisions based on the information we have available to us at any given time. One of the most important things for you to hold onto when you feel these moments of guilt creep into your soul is to cling to the reality that you love your precious Victoria with all your heart and soul, and I guarantee you, Juturna, that love - - the love you share with your precious Victoria -- has no room for guilt. Your precious Victoria wants you to hold on to the love bond you and Victoria share so that the guilt will not infiltrate your spirit and deprive you of the joy that you and your precious Victoria shared during your earthly journey together, and the eternal love you continue to share.
The difficult part is traveling through this grief journey to the moment in time that you can feel this absolute truth in your heart and soul. I wish there was some way I could take this doubt and guilt from your heart, Juturna, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship, support, and encouragement, and the promise that I am here for you, with you, and beside you - - along with the wonderful people in this forum - - as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Losing our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - and so it is important that you do whatever you find comforting for you as you travel this grief journey.
Juturna, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and lblessings,
moon_beam
Hi, Juturna, our beloved companions understand that we are "mere humans." Your precious Victoria knows that you love her with all your heart and would have forefeited everything to be with her had you known what would happen. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foresight, - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight. And it is this hindsight that is the source of our guilt, unfortunately. We are not omnipotent - - we can only make decisions based on the information we have available to us at any given time. One of the most important things for you to hold onto when you feel these moments of guilt creep into your soul is to cling to the reality that you love your precious Victoria with all your heart and soul, and I guarantee you, Juturna, that love - - the love you share with your precious Victoria -- has no room for guilt. Your precious Victoria wants you to hold on to the love bond you and Victoria share so that the guilt will not infiltrate your spirit and deprive you of the joy that you and your precious Victoria shared during your earthly journey together, and the eternal love you continue to share.
The difficult part is traveling through this grief journey to the moment in time that you can feel this absolute truth in your heart and soul. I wish there was some way I could take this doubt and guilt from your heart, Juturna, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship, support, and encouragement, and the promise that I am here for you, with you, and beside you - - along with the wonderful people in this forum - - as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Losing our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - and so it is important that you do whatever you find comforting for you as you travel this grief journey.
Juturna, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and lblessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon_beam,
Many thanks once again for your heartfelt words of wisdom and compassion.
My evening has been peaceful. I was finally able to get back to some of my animal rights work, which gives me a sense of purpose and movement forward. Then I took time to begin gathering material for my scrapebook of life with Victoria. When I came across photos of our first 6 months together I was actually smiling and had joyful memories. As a puppy, she was such an adorable, hyperactive, strong willed, little love.
With much appreciation and gratitude for your support,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, I am so glad your evening was peaceful yesterday, and hope this becomes the "norm" for you. Working on a project like a scrapbook can be very comforting as it helps to focus on the earthly journey you shared with your precious Victoria, and to reassure you that your journey together continues for she is forever a part of you.
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hello, Juturna.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear Victoria. She was absolutely beautiful!
I understand your pain, as I lost my dear little Diamond as quickly as you lost your Victoria. I noticed he was sick and took him to the Vet on Friday; I received the devastating news that he had liver cancer. The Vet said there was nothing that could be done for him and that I should just keep him comfortable. He deteriorated so quickly over the weekend, and Monday morning I called the Vet for his final appointment.
It does get easier, but I the milestones are still difficult. It helps me to know that there are such caring individuals on this forum that you can turn to in your time of grief, and I hope that you will find that to be a help and a source of comfort, as well. Others outside of here just don't seem to "get it."
Please know that you are in my thoughts, and like moon_beam, I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Hugs,
Teresa
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear Victoria. She was absolutely beautiful!
I understand your pain, as I lost my dear little Diamond as quickly as you lost your Victoria. I noticed he was sick and took him to the Vet on Friday; I received the devastating news that he had liver cancer. The Vet said there was nothing that could be done for him and that I should just keep him comfortable. He deteriorated so quickly over the weekend, and Monday morning I called the Vet for his final appointment.
It does get easier, but I the milestones are still difficult. It helps me to know that there are such caring individuals on this forum that you can turn to in your time of grief, and I hope that you will find that to be a help and a source of comfort, as well. Others outside of here just don't seem to "get it."
Please know that you are in my thoughts, and like moon_beam, I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Hugs,
Teresa
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 2 2011, 04:42 PM)
Hi, Juturna, I am so glad your evening was peaceful yesterday, and hope this becomes the "norm" for you. Working on a project like a scrapbook can be very comforting as it helps to focus on the earthly journey you shared with your precious Victoria, and to reassure you that your journey together continues for she is forever a part of you.
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you again, Moom_beam for your wonderful support.
Though I miss my beautiful Victoria enormously, I was distracted today by our power outage due to the ice storms.
When all was restored tonight and quiet, I become aware of how much sadness I continue to feel. I hope that I can sleep tonight, and will try to meditate to connect with her spirit.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
QUOTE (Diamond-Bear @ Feb 2 2011, 08:32 PM)
Hello, Juturna.
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear Victoria. She was absolutely beautiful!
I understand your pain, as I lost my dear little Diamond as quickly as you lost your Victoria. I noticed he was sick and took him to the Vet on Friday; I received the devastating news that he had liver cancer. The Vet said there was nothing that could be done for him and that I should just keep him comfortable. He deteriorated so quickly over the weekend, and Monday morning I called the Vet for his final appointment.
It does get easier, but I the milestones are still difficult. It helps me to know that there are such caring individuals on this forum that you can turn to in your time of grief, and I hope that you will find that to be a help and a source of comfort, as well. Others outside of here just don't seem to "get it."
Please know that you are in my thoughts, and like moon_beam, I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Hugs,
Teresa
Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear Victoria. She was absolutely beautiful!
I understand your pain, as I lost my dear little Diamond as quickly as you lost your Victoria. I noticed he was sick and took him to the Vet on Friday; I received the devastating news that he had liver cancer. The Vet said there was nothing that could be done for him and that I should just keep him comfortable. He deteriorated so quickly over the weekend, and Monday morning I called the Vet for his final appointment.
It does get easier, but I the milestones are still difficult. It helps me to know that there are such caring individuals on this forum that you can turn to in your time of grief, and I hope that you will find that to be a help and a source of comfort, as well. Others outside of here just don't seem to "get it."
Please know that you are in my thoughts, and like moon_beam, I look forward to hearing how you are doing.
Hugs,
Teresa
Dear Teresa,
Thank you for your kind words of sympathy, for relating, and for your support.
When we took Victoria to the emergency center on the 23rd, the vet suspected that she had cancer that had spread to her liver or kidneys. Because of her cushings disease (which was caused by a tumor on her pituitary gland) she was vulnerable.
Missing Victoria enormously makes each day difficult. I'm very grateful for the people on this website.
With hugs and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, just stopping by to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and that your scrapbook project for your precious Victoria will continue to bring you comfort. Will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 3 2011, 05:36 PM)
Hi, Juturna, just stopping by to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and that your scrapbook project for your precious Victoria will continue to bring you comfort. Will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you so much Moon_beam for your continued support. I did not get out of bed in tears this morning, so there is progress. I took time tonight to look over the photos of my beautiful Victoria, though I've not had time to work on the scrapebook today. I'm hoping to have time on Sunday.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, progress however slow is still progress. And this grief journey is incredibly slow in helping us to believe there is any positive progress being made in having the deep grief ease. I am so glad this morning was a better one for you when you woke up, and I hope and pray that it is the beginning of many more days being the same - - and progressively better - - for you.
I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, and that you will continue to find great pleasure working on your precious Victoria's scrapbook. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, and that you will continue to find great pleasure working on your precious Victoria's scrapbook. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi Moon_beam,
Many thanks for your encouraging words of wisdom and support. I've been reflective today, recalling all the years and lessons with my beautiful Victoria. I want to put these in writing for the scrapebook. As a puppy, she was a new spirit in my life, and has taught me so much. And even in her passing there are lessons she brought.
The guilt and regret continue to haunt me. I'm trying hard to put these into purposeful action, rather than allowing it to consume me. I know there has to be a purpose in my journey with this. I am very grateful to have shared my life with my precious Victoria. I miss her enormously and wish that I could just hold her again.
Hope you have a serene weekend.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Many thanks for your encouraging words of wisdom and support. I've been reflective today, recalling all the years and lessons with my beautiful Victoria. I want to put these in writing for the scrapebook. As a puppy, she was a new spirit in my life, and has taught me so much. And even in her passing there are lessons she brought.
The guilt and regret continue to haunt me. I'm trying hard to put these into purposeful action, rather than allowing it to consume me. I know there has to be a purpose in my journey with this. I am very grateful to have shared my life with my precious Victoria. I miss her enormously and wish that I could just hold her again.
Hope you have a serene weekend.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Dear Juturna, I do know the longing you have to hold your precious Victoria again. No matter how much time passes we will find ourselves longing to hold our beloved companions one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime.
I know your sweet Victoria is proud of you for focusing your grief energy into positive projects, and honors her sweet Living Spirit as she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has, and always will.
Juturna, I hope your evening and the rest of the weekend will be peaceful for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I know your sweet Victoria is proud of you for focusing your grief energy into positive projects, and honors her sweet Living Spirit as she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has, and always will.
Juturna, I hope your evening and the rest of the weekend will be peaceful for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Collecting pics of my beautiful Victoria for her scrapebook and wanted to pass one along. This was taken of Mother's day about 5 years ago.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, what a precious picture - - and how lovely it was taken on Mother's Day. Thank you so much for sharing this picture with us and your cherished memories of your precious Victoria. I hope today is being kind to you, Juturna, and that your evening will be peaceful with the presence of your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit for company.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Victoria looks so beautiful. What a darling she is. Please know that I am thinking of you and your precious Angel girl Victoria.
Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 6 2011, 04:11 PM)
Hi, Juturna, what a precious picture - - and how lovely it was taken on Mother's Day. Thank you so much for sharing this picture with us and your cherished memories of your precious Victoria. I hope today is being kind to you, Juturna, and that your evening will be peaceful with the presence of your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit for company.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon_beam,
Many thanks for your last 2 replies. They were so encouraging and thoughtful.
I spent time today as planned gathering, printing, and eventually placing photos of my beautiful Victoria in a scrapebook. I'm also collecting inspiring quotes and plan to do some writing. It feels good to work on this project.
This evening I managed to find the courage to pick up Victoria's ashes. Though friends offerred to join me or even pick up the ashes and bring them to my home, I decided that I needed to do this myself. It was difficult going back to the emergency vet center, but I was able to clearly ask for her ashes. Then as the kind secretary was expressing sympathy, I ran out crying. My heart is heavy. I'm grateful that I have the ashes here, and feel this was a step towards healing. I will place them next to the ashes of my beloved Aurara, who died 14 years ago.
Tomorrow will be difficult as I have a couple clients that I will need to tell that my precious Victoria has moved on to her next life. I am praying to have the right words and grace. Telling clients has not been easy thus far as many of them had a warm loving relationship with Victoria. Reactions have ranged from OMG, to tears, to why didn't you call me so that I could be there. I'm hoping that the healing work I did today, will allow me to have fortitude and grace tomorrow.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
QUOTE (janika @ Feb 6 2011, 05:42 PM)
Victoria looks so beautiful. What a darling she is. Please know that I am thinking of you and your precious Angel girl Victoria.
Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Dear Jan,
Thank you so much for taking the time to look at Victoria's pic and for your validating words of support. It is very much appreciated.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is a two-edged sword: on the one side it is comforting to have them back home, although it's not in the way that we would prefer, and on the other side it's another reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us the way that we are so accustomed to having them. I do understand how difficult it was for you to go back to the vet office to do this, Juturna, for I have also made this trip alone and have driven home sobbing in tears. My heart goes out to you.
I'm so glad working on your Victoria's scrapbook is a comfort to you. This is what your precious Victoria wants for you - - to be comforted and to focus on her earthly journey with you - - to remember her with a happy heart, and to feel the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories knowing that she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will.
Juturna, I hope and pray that your day will be filled with peace and comfort. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you encounter the day's events, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I'm so glad working on your Victoria's scrapbook is a comfort to you. This is what your precious Victoria wants for you - - to be comforted and to focus on her earthly journey with you - - to remember her with a happy heart, and to feel the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories knowing that she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will.
Juturna, I hope and pray that your day will be filled with peace and comfort. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you encounter the day's events, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you, Moon_beam, for relating and for your gentle compassionate words.
The scrapebook is coming along. I've added lots of photos of my beautiful Victoria from the time she was 10 weeks old, a piece of her soft cottony hair and ribbons, and a poem, thus far.
I've been unable to look at her ashes or pawprint though they are in a visible place. I trust that when the time is right, I will be graced with the desire to open the box and the envelope.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
The scrapebook is coming along. I've added lots of photos of my beautiful Victoria from the time she was 10 weeks old, a piece of her soft cottony hair and ribbons, and a poem, thus far.
I've been unable to look at her ashes or pawprint though they are in a visible place. I trust that when the time is right, I will be graced with the desire to open the box and the envelope.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Missing by beautiful little Victoria very much. Walking in the house at the end of a work day is difficult. We used to be so happy to see each other. I no longer expect to see my precious Victoria, but am acutely aware of her not being present. My heart is heavy. It is one day at a time, and I trust there are lessons to be learned from this grief journey.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, the sound of silence is deafening, isn't it? It seems that even the structure of your home is mourning the physical absence of your precious Victoria, too. In the silence it must seem like you can hear the walls crying sometimes.
The only "lesson" I can think of to be learned during a grief journey is to embrace the cherished memories you shared with your precious Victoria during your earthly journey together, knowing that she is forever a part of you in your heart continuing to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. This is a challenge because we live in a physically oriented world based on sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time, space, or the five senses. But grief can rob us of our joy, and this is one of the many reasons why we must tenaciously hold onto our cherished memories of our beloved companions and firmly embrace their sweet Living Spirits still with us - - forever with us - - eternally with us - - in our hearts - - always a heartbeat close to us - - as your beloved and precious Victoria is eternally with you.
Juturna, it sounds like your scrapbook is coming along nicely. There's no rush, you know - - just take your time with it, and I hope as you work on it you will find yourself smiling at each and every memory, talking to her as you work on it sharing your cherished memories with her, and asking for her advice with it - - what she would like you to put in it, for it is a scrapbook of your earthly journey together. She'll answer you - - perhaps in the quietness of the evening, perhaps in a song you may hear, perhaps with the chirping of a bird - - or perhaps with something one of your clients might say. Your precious Victoria has many ways of communicating with you now - - including the language that belongs only between you - - the language of her sweet Living Spirit forever in your heart.
I hope this weekend will be a peaceful one for you, Juturna. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
The only "lesson" I can think of to be learned during a grief journey is to embrace the cherished memories you shared with your precious Victoria during your earthly journey together, knowing that she is forever a part of you in your heart continuing to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. This is a challenge because we live in a physically oriented world based on sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time, space, or the five senses. But grief can rob us of our joy, and this is one of the many reasons why we must tenaciously hold onto our cherished memories of our beloved companions and firmly embrace their sweet Living Spirits still with us - - forever with us - - eternally with us - - in our hearts - - always a heartbeat close to us - - as your beloved and precious Victoria is eternally with you.
Juturna, it sounds like your scrapbook is coming along nicely. There's no rush, you know - - just take your time with it, and I hope as you work on it you will find yourself smiling at each and every memory, talking to her as you work on it sharing your cherished memories with her, and asking for her advice with it - - what she would like you to put in it, for it is a scrapbook of your earthly journey together. She'll answer you - - perhaps in the quietness of the evening, perhaps in a song you may hear, perhaps with the chirping of a bird - - or perhaps with something one of your clients might say. Your precious Victoria has many ways of communicating with you now - - including the language that belongs only between you - - the language of her sweet Living Spirit forever in your heart.
I hope this weekend will be a peaceful one for you, Juturna. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon-beam,
Once again, thank you so very much for your comforting words of support and wisdom. Yes, the silence is deafening. I'm trying to embrace it. I miss touching my beautiful Victoria enormously. Working on the scrapebook is helpful.
I truely believe that my precoius Victoria's spirit is here with me at times. Wednesday night when I was getting ready for bed, I passed by the room where my Victoria's crate, bedding, ashes, and scrapebook are. Despite the fact that all the lights were out and everything was dark, there was a light in her room.
Thank you for affirming the language of her "sweet Living Spirit".
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Once again, thank you so very much for your comforting words of support and wisdom. Yes, the silence is deafening. I'm trying to embrace it. I miss touching my beautiful Victoria enormously. Working on the scrapebook is helpful.
I truely believe that my precoius Victoria's spirit is here with me at times. Wednesday night when I was getting ready for bed, I passed by the room where my Victoria's crate, bedding, ashes, and scrapebook are. Despite the fact that all the lights were out and everything was dark, there was a light in her room.
Thank you for affirming the language of her "sweet Living Spirit".
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, just being able to get caught up on how you're doing. How wonderful you are able to see your precious Victoria's Spirit Light. I hope this comforting visit brings a smile to your heart and peaceful sleep.
I also hope this weekend has been a good one for you, Juturna. This grief journey truly can be topsy turvey sometimes. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I also hope this weekend has been a good one for you, Juturna. This grief journey truly can be topsy turvey sometimes. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you, Moon_beam, for your continued support and validation. Yes, seeing my beautiful Victoria's spirit light was wonderful. It helps me during my darker moments of missing her.
I slept better last night and my precious Victoria was present in my sleep again. This is the second dream in a few days where she returns to me, wagging her little tail, and is healthier. In each dream, it is time to take her outside for a little walk. This is so true to her earthly life as we were having to go outside at least 6 times a day, and sometimes in the middle of the night. (Cushings disease enhances water intake, so she needed to go out often.) I am so happy in my dreams with her. And I believe she is happy, as well.
Hope you have a serene Valentine's day, that is filled with love.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
I slept better last night and my precious Victoria was present in my sleep again. This is the second dream in a few days where she returns to me, wagging her little tail, and is healthier. In each dream, it is time to take her outside for a little walk. This is so true to her earthly life as we were having to go outside at least 6 times a day, and sometimes in the middle of the night. (Cushings disease enhances water intake, so she needed to go out often.) I am so happy in my dreams with her. And I believe she is happy, as well.
Hope you have a serene Valentine's day, that is filled with love.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, how wonderful your precious Victoria comes to visit you in your dreams - - definitely to let you know she is happy and healthy - - and to reassure you that she is forever with you - - you will always be her first, last, and always thought.
To you as well, Juturna, I hope today has been a good one for you and that you will have a peaceful evening. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria coming to you for a walk and the gift of your company. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
To you as well, Juturna, I hope today has been a good one for you and that you will have a peaceful evening. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria coming to you for a walk and the gift of your company. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you, once again, Moom_beam for your support and validation.
Yesterday and today were difficult as I miss my beautiful little Victoria love so very much. I was able to get through my group yesterday without her adding joy and life to the room. I have asked some of my clients to bring their dogs in as I just want to hold a little love-bug companion, though no one could ever replace my precious girl.
It is my hope that my beautiful Victoria is present in my dreams again soon.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Yesterday and today were difficult as I miss my beautiful little Victoria love so very much. I was able to get through my group yesterday without her adding joy and life to the room. I have asked some of my clients to bring their dogs in as I just want to hold a little love-bug companion, though no one could ever replace my precious girl.
It is my hope that my beautiful Victoria is present in my dreams again soon.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna
Hi, Juturna, it's Wednesday evening - - half way through the week. What a wonderful request to ask your clients to bring in their beloved companions. I truly do not know how I would have made it through my initial recovery and intensive rehabilitation, including intensive professional counseling, if I had not had my Samson and Holly with me. They truly were my lifeline - - literally - - and my purpose and inspiration for even trying. And when Oslo and I did AAT work I saw so many miracles happen - - yes miracles - - because of him. I do so understand the depth of the loss you are feeling without your precious Victoria's sweet physical presence with you. I'm wondering if you ever took pictures of your Victoria with her clients, and if so, have you given them a copy of these pictures for them to keep and remember her? Also, have you thought about making an enlarged picture of your Victoria to place in the room where you have group sessions and in your office - - as a focal point? Even a picture of her can help reduce stress levels - - these are just some ideas - - but it's up to you to decide if they are appropriate to do, and your comfort levels in doing them.
I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, my friend. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, my friend. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi Moon_beam,
Thank you for your understanding and support. I do not have pics of my clients with my beautiful Victoria, but I do have photos of my precious girl and my beloved Aurora around the group room (my living room).
I love how you saw miracles with your precious Oslo in doing the AAT work. That work is soooo gratifying and fulfilling. I am hoping to have another "therapy" dog enter my life sometime next month. For now, it is one day at a time as I struggle with missing my beautiful girl.
With gratitide and peace,
Juturna
Thank you for your understanding and support. I do not have pics of my clients with my beautiful Victoria, but I do have photos of my precious girl and my beloved Aurora around the group room (my living room).
I love how you saw miracles with your precious Oslo in doing the AAT work. That work is soooo gratifying and fulfilling. I am hoping to have another "therapy" dog enter my life sometime next month. For now, it is one day at a time as I struggle with missing my beautiful girl.
With gratitide and peace,
Juturna
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