Hi Aaron,

I too am sorry to hear about yours and your wife's bad day. They can hit you out of nowhere. I can emphasise with your "sheet story" -- it seems that it's missing the "simple" things that hurt the most. I hope today is a better day for you.

Thank you for sharing those pictures. I love looking at any pictures of animals, so it always makes me smile. Mandy doesn't look too pleased about having her photograph taken!

Take care,
Cheryl x

Thanks Cheryl, you are totally right. The smallest things can trigger an "event" and all you can do is roll with it and try to heal from it. That's why it's hard to let your guard down because you know at any time you could experience a memory trigger like "sheet time".

Mandy is a special cat, no doubt. My parents are funny about the names they pick for their pets. Mandy's name is derived from "manic depressive", which sounds bad. But she isn't depressed at all, just a "moody" kitty. Funny story about how we adopted her. Back in 1998 or so, we had some neighbors two houses down from us with two big dogs (I still lived at home at the time). The dogs broker through THEIR fence, went trough our neighbor's yard and then broke through OUR fence chasing Mandy (at the time she was just a kitten) and my dad went out their to stop the attack. So we kept her for awhile but my dad didn't seem too interested in having a 2nd cat. She was very skittish, as expected after what she went through. I can remember going out in the garage and just talking to her as she was hiding and she eventually began meowing back. One day she got out and just took off. 1-2 days later she was at the back door meowing and I went into the office and told my mom that someone was here to see her. And the rest is history.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing the wonderful pictures of Malcolm and Mandy. (When Oslo and I adopted one another, I gave him the middle name of Malcolm in honor of his former career as a Special Needs Guide Dog). I am so glad you're close to family members who do understand what you're going through. It is hard to be around other's beloved companions when your heart is aching for the one(s) you have lost, but - - it's also good therapy. It sort of helps to form a "bridge" with the healing process.

Aaron, I hope the upcoming Thanksgiving weekend will be a healthy and peaceful one for you, Kristy, Kylah, and all of your family. Amid all the "busyness" try to find some private time just for you and Kristy to rest. This isn't being selfish - - it's extremely important for your physical and emotional health, particularly with the added stress of grieving.

Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thanks moon beam, that is sound advice. I can go ahead and predict that Thursday might have a few bumps since we are going to spend Thanksgiving at my wife's parents home and that is where we laid Reggie to rest. We have not been back there since Oct 29 and I know if I am thinking it, then Kristy will be thinking it. But we can't avoid her parents' home forever.

Hi, Aaron, Kristy, and Kylah, just want you to know I am thinking of you today and hoping that your visit with family will be one of peace, comfort, and joy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I just finished reading several posts. Holiday time is so stressful after experiencing the loss of a family member. I decided not to join friends this year but just to be on my own at home with my two kitty buddies, Zouzou and Tedly. It was the right decision, my emotions have been up and down lately and I know this is due to Chan's exit from my life. I had thought that since she was so young that she would be with me for many many years to come. Such a precious little love she was, perching on my shoulder, nestling up under my chin with a roaring purrrr, bursting with love and contentment.

My two boys are more retiring and reserved than Chan, not as affectionate or participatory in my daily routine. I can understand that Reggie's active presence was one of the qualities that made him so very dear to you. Chan was like that. She embraced life to the fullest and didn't want to be left out of anything going on around her.

I so very much miss that sweet little cat.

Jan

Thank you moon beam, that was very kind of you. Yesterday morning was particularly difficult for both of us since yesterday was the first time that we had returned to my wife's parents' home since we laid Reggie to rest. Kristy at first was unsure she'd be able to make it, but I told her that we needed to remember that we had many blessings to be thankful for, including our family, Kylah and friends, including everyone here. I was in a fairly "flat" mood yesterday when at my in-laws' home and thought about going out to see Reggie, but didn't do it. Just wasn't ready. There will be more days like that one, some of which I can predict with fairly good accuracy. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophesy, but I assure you we don't wish to be sad like we were yesterday morning. They are just things that are part of the healing process that we have to live through.



I 100% understand how you feel Jan. We weren't sure we wanted to do anything for Thanksgiving, but went ahead and went to her parents. I am sure your two buddies were glad you were there. We also know how you feel about Chan's life being cut too short. We felt like Reggie was taken from us far too soon, although he was older than Chan. If wee didn't love our friends so much, then we wouldn't miss them so much and feel such pain from their loss. It's never easy to say goodbye, no matter what the circumstances. But it's harder when their lives are cut short.

Hi, Aaron, sometimes we just have to be thankful for "getting through" another day when our hearts are just not in the activities. You are absolutely right in that the numbness, sadness, we feel through this grief journey is a part of the healing process. It is a "protective shield" that our minds put around us so that we are not overwhelmed by the many emotions we feel.

Aaron, although this Thanksgiving is the "first" one without the physical presence of your sweet Reggie, he is always with you in your hearts and memories - - I promise you.

Aaron, thank you so much for sharing with us how your Thanksgiving with Kristy's parents went. Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon Beam must be a true angel on earth for all her kind words to those in pain----
Ok Aaron you might want to make sure you are sitting down for this reply. After Sam's passing I talked with a dear friend who is also an animal communicator--she told me Sam was surrounded by other raccoons (probably the 6 that have passed before Sam) and.................Sam was with a white cat! I told her I have never had a white cat and could not figure out the connection until I saw a picture of your Reggie.....your white cat is with our black raccoon!!!!!!

Awww. A lot of people on here do believe that our animals are connected to each other - as WE are all connected to each other on here. Isn't that a nice thought

Cheryl x

Hey buddy, just wanted to send you a message letting you know your Mommy, Daddy and Kylah still miss you dearly and think about you every day. We all hope you are doing well and playing with all your new friends. I can't believe it's been a month since we said goodbye to you, it feels like we last saw you just yesterday. I am sure that's because you are still with us and because we think about you all the time. All the sweet memories you gave us are with us still and will always be with us. It's been really tough being without you, I won't lie. Even though you are not with us physically anymore, I still do little things that remind me of you as if you were still here physically. I still look behind the office chair to make sure you are not laying right behind it. I still look in the front window where you used to wait for me as I'd walk to the front door after coming home from work. I still peek in the office at your leather recliner to see if you are sleeping in your favorite spot. Your sister still looks for you, but I think she is slowly getting better. I hope someday we can get her another friend, as I am sure you'd want her to have a buddy to play with. I just re-covered Kylah's scratching post and it reminded me of you. She knew she could just scratch on her scratching post and you'd eventually chase her into the bedroom. We've been giving her all the love and attention she could want, so she is doing "OK". I don't know if you ever knew how special you were and how important you were to all of us, but we always knew and never forgot it. That's why this has been so hard - you were one of a kind and had a profound impact on everyone you met. You were a gift from God and I cherish the time we spent with each other and can't wait to see you again someday.

Love always,

Your Daddy

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful letter to Reggie with us. Reggie truly knows the profound love you have for him as he reads these words lifting toward him in heaven's perfect garden. And all of his friends are nodding their heads in agreement telling him how blessed he is to have you and Kristy for his mom and dad, and Kylah for his sweet sister.

Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Just wanted to check in and say that Kristy, Kylah and I are still doing "OK". This past weekend was a good weekend in terms of re-connecting with friends and family I hadn't seen in a long time. On Saturday Kristy and I went to a party for a high school friend of mine who'd gotten married in September. The party was at his parents' house, which is where I spent what seemed like every day after school playing some sport or watching TV. So it was good being back there again. Some things were exactly the same as I remember them. On Sunday I drove to East Texas to be at my half-brother's wedding. I had not spoken to my half-brother in a very long time, but my mom asked me to be there, so I attended. He was glad I was there and I am sure my mom was too. So it was a jam packed weekend of catching up with people.

After the wedding ceremony on Sunday, I called Kristy just to say hello. She was just wrapping presents for her sister's birthday dinner that night and then began crying out of nowhere. Turned out that she ran out of wrapping paper and the empty cardboard tube reminded her of Reggie. I would talk to Reggie through those wrapping paper tubes and for whatever reason he LOVED it. He'd start meowing at me with a totally different voice than usual - it was this very curious meow. It was just one of those "stealth" memories that popped up without any warning. I am sure there will be more of those memories pop up along the way.

She cried again that night in bed - she (as I) still misses him so much. She comments often how she is so lonely without him here and how Kylah, as much as we love her, cannot fill that void by herself. I don't think either of us truly understood how profound of an impact he had on our lives. We knew how special he was, but the hole he left in our hearts is still very big. I sometimes feel like I am not being a good husband because Kristy still feels such sadness, but there is nothing I or anyone else could do to help Kristy heal any faster. It's a process that takes as long as it takes.

Well, I sure know what happens when something triggers a memory of that beloved little animal that has passed on, always a jolt to the soul, amazing how they come out of the blue and knock you over with such power.

So far two friends have offered up new cats to me, you'd think people wouldn't be so clueless, but they sure can be. These are two people who have had pets for years and years themselves. Well, I guess they are probably just trying to find a homeless animal a good home. Guess I should try to appreciate that angle and the fact that they know the cat would get good care with me.

I am stumbling into the holiday season, trying to begin slowly and carefully and proceed as I am able. There have been many things to wrestle with in life lately, sometimes the stresses just pile up, so I'll try to be more grateful when the quieter more enjoyable times arrive.

Aaron, it is really great that you were willing to see your half-brother, it is such a healing experience to overcome old obstacles. There are several people who have chosen to disconnect from my life over the years, it is tough to deal with that. Sometimes it is something that just must be accepted, we cannot control what others do or how they live their lives.

Thanks again for all your supportive remarks, I wish you and your wife all the best this holiday season.

Jan

I'm glad that you and your family are doing "ok". Memories can be so painful in the beginning...but when the sadness passes then those memories become the best thing ever. Tell Kristy she is also in our thoughts and prayers....and we send her a nice big cyber hug

Annette

Thanks Jan & Annette. I say we are doing "OK" since that is the best way to describe us. We aren't good and aren't bad. I'd say most days we are better than OK, but I know Kristy still misses Reggie and she knows I still miss Reggie. We don't have to say anything. No stockings are going up this year, I think it's just too difficult. We haven't lit the fireplace this year and might not, that's another thing that reminds us of him so much. He and his sister loved to lay next to the fireplace and soak in the warmth. I feel like we are taking away from Kylah by not doing things like the stockings and fireplace, but it's so painful because it's not the same without Reggie there. I am a little timid to ask my wife if I should light the fireplace, but I should probably ask her. We can't go on hiding from things like this forever.

Hi, Aaron, being able to get caught up on posts. I know what you mean about not being fair to Kylah about the fireplace, etc. I have a wood stove in the basement living quarters, and everyone enjoyed the warmth of the fire. But I haven't used the stove since Oslo joined the angels. I know Noah would truly enjoy having a fire in the wood stove, but - - we'll see. I would use it in an emergency power outage situation for sure.

Aaron, be comforted in knowing that Kylah will be okay with whatever is okay with you and Kristy. She is very sensitive to your emotions, and will not be comfortable if you and Kristy are upset. Just take your time, Aaron. Routines do change when a beloved companion joins the angels - - some from a practical need and some from an emotional need. So, whatever you and Kristy decide will be okay with Kylah.

Aaron, I hope you and Kristy will have a peaceful evening and upcoming weekend. Last weekend was a needed diversion. Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are close in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello all, I wanted to update how we were all doing. We went on a skiing trip and got back on 12/16 - it was good to spend time with my wife and her sister and husband. While I was hoping I would be wrong, coming back home was particularly difficult for my wife. One of the best parts of coming home from a trip was seeing our two babies, but this time Reggie was not there to greet us. It was difficult to hear my wife say how she hated coming home, as I feel like I am failing in helping her heal from this loss. But all I can do is continue to be there for her during these hard times. She is doing better, but the triggers still pop up out of nowhere and bring us back to sadness. I feel like I am doing better, but not a day goes by that I don't miss Reggie and wish I could pick him up and hold him and hug him like I did every day he was with us.

This was the first time Kylah has been alone for this stretch of time, but luckily both our parents came by twice a day to feed and visit Kylah. The first night we were back Kylah woke us up what seemed like 10 times. Someone definitely missed us, as we missed her. She is being very sweet and is helping us through this difficult time. She is also spending more time with us in the living room, which she really didn't before Reggie's passing. We watched a movie on Sat night and she slept on the rug near where Reggie used to lay. It brings tears to me eyes thinking about that, but I am glad she is spending time with us in the living room. We're not sure if it's just a temporary thing from her missing us, but last night my parents came over for dinner and she came out and hung out in the living room with all of us there. That is very unlike her. We know she will never be a lap kitty like Reggie was (she still "squishes" on her blanket anytime my wife is in bed) but my wife is happy to see Kylah spending more time with us in the living room. My wife commented that maybe Kylah is laying on the rug in front of the couch since that was Reggie's spot - I am glad my wife was able to talk about Reggie like that without the tears.

I still hope we can welcome another fur ball into our home sometimes in the future, at least so Kylah can have another friend. I just wish we still had Reggie with us, he was so special and we miss him dearly.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you, Kristy, and Kylah are doing. Skiing!! There certainly is a LOT of snow places to choose from this year for skiing. It is hard coming back to "reality" after having a change of scenery. Aaron, you're not letting your wife down, and I think Kristy would tell you the same thing. You're there for her when she needs your comfort and support - - how could you possibly be letting her down?????

If I were to speculate about Kylah I would say that she is needing to be where Reggie's scent is because it's comforting to her, and she needs to be with her mom and dad. It took Noah about 2.5 years to finally abandon the comforter that had Eli's scent on it, and I waited several more weeks to wash it to make sure that Noah no longer needed it. He still is comforted laying on Abbygayle's towel and the comforter than Oslo laid on. When Abbygayle was physically with us, Noah preferred to sleep close by but never really snuggled with me. Abbygayle was my precious snuggles cuddle girl. Noah now snuggles and cuddles with me all the time when we're watching TV and he sleeps with me through the night. Remember, Kylah is a smaller relation to her larger lion cousins. Lions live in a "pride", and Reggie was her "pride" brother. You and Kristy are her remaining "pride" group, so her behavior doesn't surprise me. Could it be temporary? Perhaps, because she too is missing Reggie. One thing for sure, Aaron - - you and Kristy now have Kylah's "mystery" of behavior to share and enjoy - - hopefully for many years to come.

Aaron, I hope the coming days will be peaceful for you, Kristy, and Kylah. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam, I had not really thought about Kylah laying on the rug because of Reggie's scent. We know she still misses him so that does not surprise me. They were best buddies, so I bet you are right that being on that rug makes her feel better. I am sure part of it has to do with us being in the living room too. Whatever she does, we will enjoy her every day we can.

One thing I did not mention is that last Tuesday on our trip, Reggie visited me in my dreams for the first time in a pleasant manner. He was sitting on the floor and I went over and picked him up. It was good to see him again, even if it was just in my dreams. It felt so right to pick him up and hold him again. The next night I had a somewhat strange dream. Kylah, two unknown adult cats and an unknown kitten were present. Perhaps that was my subconscious telling me that someday we will be able to welcome more fur balls into our home. I don't want to read too much into it though.

I took some pictures using an older memory card and ran across some pictures of Reggie and Kylah from almost a year ago. So I wanted to share a few with everyone. First a few shots of Reggie.

Here's a few of Kylah







This one I took tonight of Kylah lounging on *HER* bed. You can see her favorite toy, which we affectionately call her "super happy funky toy"

Hi, Aaron,

What wonderful, precious pictures. I love the one of Reggie, where he is lying on his back, with such a cute look on his face. And the one of Kylah, where you are snuggling into her, and she is literally smiling. I love them all, but those two are my favourites. Thank you so much for sharing. You can tell that they are both such loved kittys

Cheryl x

Thanks Cheryl, those are my favorites of the bunch too. I am glad I could share them and that you were able to enjoy them.

The picture in which Reggie is on his back is the exact spot that Kylah now lays, which seems fitting. Reggie loved laying on the green rug in our living room - it was *HIS* spot. It's where he loved to lay and also where he said his last goodbyes. I doubt we'll ever be able to get rid of this rug.

Those pictures are so sweet of your kids. I love it when kitties have that "Chester the Cat" permanent smile on their face and Kylah has that. I'm glad she has found comfort on Reggie's Rug.

I know how your wife feels......I sometimes hate coming home too. Maybe as she sees Kylah healing more and more she will too.

Hope you and your family have a nice holiday.

Annette

Hi, Aaron, thank you soo much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your precious Reggie and Kylah with us. When we think or become afraid that we are "forgetting" our beloved companions, pictures always help to remind us that we have preserved the eternal love bond we share with our beloved companions. I'm so glad you and Kristie have these wonderful pictures of cherish.

Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

On this Christmas Eve I wanted to say how lucky and grateful I am for all the support everyone has given me and my family. I will be blunt, I wish none of us had to be on this forum as that would mean we had not been met with the loss of a pet. But that is the sacrifice we all make when we accept these special fur balls into our lives and homes. One of the unfortunate characteristics of life is that it is finite, but the love we have for our pets is not. I love Reggie today as much as I did when he was physically with us and I doubt that will ever change. It's amazing how profound an effect these animals can have on our lives and we are all better because of it.

The unconditional support we all provide one another is something that's very special and something I don't take for granted. I know I would be in worse shape had I not found this site. Even though we all share the common bond of losing a special loved one, I hope we can all remember the blessings we have today and have enjoyed through our lives. We must try our best to keep our heads up and remember that our fur balls who have left us would want us to enjoy each day we have on this Earth. Life is fragile so try to embrace each day the best you can.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

That was beautiful, Aaron, and sooo true.

Merry Christmas to you and your wife.

Cheryl xx

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for your wonderful post.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you ladies, we are truly blessed to have all your support, it has been more than any gift we could have received during this difficult time. I know how important it is to receive support so I try to give back the best I can.

I was looking through an old photo album of Reggie and Kylah, which I had not looked at in a very long time. They contain mostly older photos when we first got Kylah, so I scanned a few of my favorites to share here. It helps me to share pictures of our babies and I hope you enjoy seeing them.

This was literally the first day we got Kylah from the shelter. Reggie was being a little unruly the first few days but he got over it. I can remember Reggie peeking his head around the corner of the bathroom and giving this pathetic hiss....he had a hard time being truly mad.



A glimpse at how I held Reggie on my shoulder every day he was with us. He loved flopping on my shoulder and I loved holding him. One of the few pictures we have of Reggie and me together.



Not 5 days after we adopted Kylah, the two of them were eating and drinking from the same bowl. Reggie welcomed Kylah into our home so quickly and lovingly. I can remember him sitting there flapping his tail as she played with it. He was such a good big brother. This is one of my very favorite pictures of the two of them.



Two best buddies

I wanted to wish my sweet little Reggie a Merry Christmas. Even though I know you are looking over your Mommy, sister and me from up above, we wish more than anything that you were here with us still. Last night we baby sat a little three month old Maltese puppy and your sister came out and was very curious, which made us smile. We are glad she was curious to see another animal in the house. She didn't run and hide and was even a little jealous. I think we were meant to baby sit this little puppy so your sister could see another fur ball in our house and so we could know that someday we can welcome another pet into our home for her to befriend. She still misses you greatly, as we all do. Lucy the puppy sat up on the couch and even laid on your Mommy's lap, which was another little blessing. It was nice to see that she could love another fur ball, even if for just one night. It made me think of you and how you always laid up on her lap at night. Thank you for all you gave us during your stay on this Earth, that was a gift we will have with us forever. I hope you are able to play and rest where you are and we know you are looking down on us this Christmas day.

Once again, another wonderful set of photos I'm glad sharing them helps you, because seeing them makes me smile, so in turn helps me. Reggie is sooo handsome and you can just tell he had such a loving nature. I love the one of him and a kitty Kylah sharing a bowl.

I hope you and your wife are having a pleasant Christmas filled with happy memories of your boy.

Cheryl xx

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures and memories of your precious Reggie with us, and for sharing your "baby sitting" adventure last night with Lucy. I truly hope and pray that the peace and blessings of this Christmas Day will be with you, Kristy, and Kylah throughout the coming year.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you ladies, I am glad you enjoy seeing the pictures. I think they help tell the story of our babies' lives far better than my words can. You all know more about their lives than most of our other friends do, so you are part of a special group

We had a nice Christmas with both our parents, Kristy's granny (she is an amazing 91 years old) and Kristy's sister and her husband. There were no tears but there were silent wishes of Reggie being here with us. We know he would have been in the living room with everyone else like he always was. But he was with us in spirit, that was for certain.

My mom asked why the fireplace was not on and I had to tell her that it was still too hard right now since Reggie loved laying by it so much. Maybe next winter we will light the fireplace...

I hope you all had a pleasant Christmas with your families (human and/or fur ball). Thank you all again for everything.

Hi, Aaron, I'm so glad to know that your and Kristy's Christmas went okay with your family. It's another "first" to adjust to without the sweet physical presence of your precious Reggie, but you are so o o right that his sweet Living Spirit is there with you, always and forever.

Aaron, please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how things are going with you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Yep, all these firsts are difficult to deal with, but each time we encounter a new first it seems a little easier to "deal with" than the last. Christmas was a major hurdle and we crossed it as well as we could have hoped for. Having our family around us helped a lot and having everyone here to lean on was a great help.

My wife said something small yesterday that normally I would not have given second thought. She said how she got us some new stockings when she went out shopping. We did not hang stockings this year, it was just too painful of a reminder that Reggie was not with us. But the fact that she picked us up some stockings gave me that "warm" feeling that Kristy is still slowly healing from the loss. Lucy the dog came back over again Sunday as we watched football with our brother in law and it made me smile to see her interact with another fur ball the way she did. It's funny how things like that happen and help us heal a little bit more.

Hi, Aaron, it's the little things, the little steps forward, that help to build on the next step forward, and the next step forward, and - - - . I'm glad Kristy bought new stockings - - a sign of "new beginnings", "fresh starts" - - a presence of hope. I'm so o o glad Kristy has this in her heart, although I suspect that there will still be times when it's "tested" through this healing process.

I'm glad Lucy is bringing comfort and enjoyment to both you and Kristy, and I know Reggie is smiling in approval.

Aaron, thank you for sharing with us how things are going for you, Kristy, and Kylah. Please know each of you in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

So my wife asked me something that I *sort of* expected - after being around Lucy for a few days she asked my last night how I felt about getting a dog. I really was not sure how to respond, mainly because I honestly was not sure how I felt about it. Part of me is glad Kristy could even think about bringing another animal into our home but another part of me is not sure I am ready to bring any fur ball into our home, dog or otherwise. I will chalk that up to me not being ready. Although we didn't talk much about it, so I am not sure if she was asking in general or was asking about getting a dog soon.

Kristy's sister and her husband have a male Maltese and part of me thinks, esp after being around Lucy, that she wants a dog because they have a dog. I think Greg and Alicia pet-sitting Lucy was a blessing in that it "tested" Kristy, so for that I am grateful. But I just don't think I have it in me right now, esp a dog as that takes a little more dedication than a cat does (training, walking, etc).

I am just talking out loud at this point. I figured she would ask me but was not sure how I'd feel about it. I am also not sure how Kylah would respond to a dog or even another cat. Just a lot of uncertainty.

Hi Aaron,

Getting a dog certaintly is a huge responsibility, and a decision you have to be 100% certain of, as I'm sure you already know. I have a feeling that Kristy was also just "thinking aloud" -- perhaps wanting to see how it felt just to say the words; and perhaps wanting to judge your response. I'm sure she doesn't mean that she wants to get one right away -- instead simply opening herself up to the possibility that... one day. It's good that you two are beginning to talk about these things, and you will both know in your hearts when the time is right.

Take care,
Cheryl x

Hi, Aaron, just adding my 2 cents to Cheryl's wonderful response. A canine companion does require more dedication on a daily basis. Kylah recognizes Lucy as a family member, but this may not be so for a "stranger" who would come into her territory - - including another feline companion.

In July I attempted to bring Noah a little kitty brother who he could mentor, just as Eli had mentored him. Within 24 hours I knew this was not going to work out. Fortunately, my vet - - who was the source of the "trial" adoption -- gladly took the little waif back and within days found him a loving home. Noah is still adjusting to being the sole survivor of HIS fur family, and he has let me know beyond all shadow of a doubt that he needs my undivided attention.

So, if I have any advice to offer on this subject it is that, at whatever time you and Kristy are ready to try a new beloved companion, you might want to approach it on a "trial" basis so that you, Kristy, and Kylah - - and your potential new furchild - - can determine if it's a good match. And to borrow from Cheryl's response: "It's good that you two are beginning to talk about these things, and you will both know in your hearts when the time is right."

Aaron, we're here for you, Kristy, and Kylah in whichever direction your journey takes you. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks for the advice ladies, it helps. I agree and understand about the responsibility that comes with owning a dog. Greg and Alicia went through significant dog training with their Baxter, so we know what sacrifice it can take. Quite frankly, I am not sure I have it in me to dedicate that much time to getting a dog and would hate to "abandon" Kristy by not giving the same attention she would. I am sure she was just tossing the idea out in general and not asking about getting a dog right now. Honestly, my main concern is Kylah, regardless of what we do. If we welcome a new friend into our home, I want it to be more for her than us. We can adapt easier than she can.

Just even thinking about getting another pet makes me feel uneasy. I am sure someday that won't be the case and I don't expect to feel a certain way by any certain time. I suppose you have to test the waters before you can see how you feel about it.

It took us over a year before we were ready to get a friend for Reggie after Lodi passed away, so that is all I have to go on as far as experience is concerned.

Kristy and I talked more about the dog topic and it was good that we talked. As you both said, she was not talking about getting a new dog (or any fur ball) anytime soon, but more just talking about it in general and seeing how it made her feel to even mention the idea. She wants Lucy to come over again tonight before she goes back home to her family.

The advice everyone gave me here was always shared with Kristy which has helped her tremendously. She said last night how she knows that Reggie is not coming back and there is no way we could ever replace him...it's as if reality has sunk in with both of us that we have been able to accept it. Coming back from our trip was probably the major step in accepting this reality. We still miss him dearly and a day doesn't go by that we don't wish he was here with us, but we know his Earthly journey has come to an end and we need to cherish the memories, photos and other things we still love about him.

I am not sure if this is good or not, but yesterday marked 2 months since Reggie left us. Obviously I have not forgotten him or which day he left us (I need only to look at when I registered for this site if I ever forget), but I somewhat feel like I did his memory a dis-service by not remembering that day. I suppose it's just "another day" in the grand scheme of things.

Hi, Aaron, in this grief journey there are different stages of "reality" - - which is actually different stages of "adjustment." There is also an "intellectual" understanding and then there is the unequivocal emotional acknowledgement. In a grief journey, these do not always happen at the same time. Two months is just the "beginning" of these adjustment stages, so please do not become discouraged if you and Kristy should find yourselves still a bit "wobbly".

Aaron, please know that each of us, and most importantly your precious Reggie, know you love him. Your heart has always honored your precious Reggie, so therefore you can never do him a dis-service. Whether or not you realize it, your mind is able to comprehend just so much because of the stress of grief you have been experiencing. You honor him every time you and Kristy share your memories, and you honor him when you share him with us. Each of us have our individual ways of remembering our beloved companions, and each of us look forward to reading your posts aoout your precious Reggie and how you, Kristy, and Kylah are doing.

Aaron, I hope that you, Kristy, and Kylah will have a very peaceful evening. Please know that each of you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Aaron, I am so grateful for your photos and your shared experiences and heartfelt feelings. I could not deal with the holidays myself this year but it is good to read about your supportive family and friends and how the gatherings were good for you and your wife.

I agree with you about how hard it is to consider getting a new friend, I can't yet imagine it myself. My little Chan was only part of my life briefly but she brought so much exquisite joy with her that I just cannot even consider another kitty at this time. You mentioned that when you lost a previous pet, Lodi, it was a year before you could open your hearts and accept Kylah. I truly understand what you are saying here, I think it will be some time for me, too.

Well, I am very lucky that my two remaining cat kids, Tedly and Zouzou and getting to know each other and playing together. Right now this is the first time they are both sitting with me on the sofa at the same time, what a slice of happiness it is!

All the best to you and your family in the coming year.

Jan

Thank you ladies for the kind words. I always appreciate the support.

Last night (the whole day actually) was a tough day for Kristy. She cried a lot last night. While she said within the past few weeks how she is coming to accept that Reggie is no longer with us, the hole left in her heart is still very big. She is still missing his physical presence and how he was always around her whenever she was at home. She usually does some work for about an hour in the morning at home and he was always near her, either on the floor or on the couch. When she got ready in the bathroom, he was there on the counter. At night he was with us on the rug or on the couch. He was just always there and she is still having difficulty adjusting to the loss of his physical presence. I know we all heal at different rates, so I am not criticizing her for still being greatly upset.

So this goes back to how Kristy said she'd like to get a dog. I am split on this - part of me thinks Kristy should take more time to heal before we get another fur ball so we can bring that animal into our home under the right conditions (i.e. right emotional conditions). But part of me hates seeing Kristy feel this way and would do anything to help her feel better. I am really indifferent to adopting another pet right now. I am the type of person who would love any pets we had regardless of the timing, but I am not "gung ho' about getting another pet right now. I would be willing to bring another animal into our home if it meant Kristy would be able to heal from this loss. But I am not sure if Kristy is being too hasty by wanting to adopt another pet and instead should continue focusing on healing from the loss of Reggie. But for her adopting another pet might be part of the healing process. <-- this is what I am most confused about.

I think she grew so accustomed to the presence of Reggie that she is still in "shock" from him not being there anymore. So even though she said she accepts that he is not with us anymore, the effects are still lingering. It's only been a little over 2 months since Reggie left us, so not that long.

I feel as if she wants to adopt a pet to replace the presence Reggie provided, not to replace Reggie as a friend. Does that make any sense? I am not sure how healthy that is at this stage.

Hi Aaron,

You are both still so early into the grieving process and you experience a lot of conflicting emotions at this time. Sometimes your emotions cannot be trusted. I know a few weeks after losing my Daisy, I thought I HAD to get another pet. I couldn't bare the lack of animal presence in the house, the silence, not having something to care for. One day I was certain I wanted to adopt another bunny and went down to the pet store, but when I was there I started to panic, as something did not feel right. I decided I wasn't ready. The next day, I couldn't believe I was even thinking about it. During the intense stages of our grief we want to do anything just to make the pain better, and sometimes we think getting another pet can achieve this. For some people, it might help. But sometimes we just have to ride through the grief.

I'm not saying that I think you and Kristy shouldn't adopt -- I'm just saying you both need to think things through carefully and make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. If you do decide to adopt and then find out it was the wrong decision, it could make things even more difficult and traumatic for Kristy. That being said, there ARE people on this forum who adopted soon afterwards and said that it helped them through.

Just know, Aaron, that whatever you decide to do, we are here for you to listen and support you in every way.

Take care,
Cheryl x

Hi, Aaron, just adding my two cents to Cheryl's already wise and wonderful counsel. Some folks serve as "rescue" hosts for companion animals who have been in a crisis situation. Some folks serve as "foster" hosts to companion animals who are waiting for a loving home. This can serve as a "transition" for you and Kristy. It might help to fill a void for Kristy as well as providing you both an opportunity to not have to make a commitment for adoption at this time. You might also check into local pet sitting organizations and see about doing that - - again, to help fill a void knowing that you are not committed for the full time care of your client.

These are just some thoughts that came to mind, - - for whatever they are worth. I do agree with Cheryl that it sounds right now that you both are still on that deep grief roller coaster, and you need to be patient in making "life changing" decisions. And bringing a new furchild into your lives is a life changing decision for you, Kristy, Kylah, AND the new beloved companion.

Unfortunately this is a decision that only you and Kristy can make. Please know you have our support whatever you decide to do, whenever you decide to do it. Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that Kristy, and you, have a more peaceful evening tonight, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I really appreciate the candid advice, it helps greatly. I agree with what you both say. We need to really step back and make sure that we are thinking clearly, regardless of what decision we come to.

While it was a blessing in disguise, my wife's sister dog-sitting Lucy in December turned out to somewhat be a bad thing for my wife. Having Lucy over at our house for those 3-4 nights showed my wife that she can love another fur ball and that Kylah can be around other animals, so I was grateful for that in general. But it reinforced even more how much Reggie's companionship meant to us, esp to my wife. It's not like we don't know how much his presence meant to us, but having Lucy over and then having her return home let my wife know how important companionship in general is to her and maybe slowed the healing process.

So while Kristy specifically misses the companionship that Reggie gave us, she also misses the general feeling of companionship. It's really two separate losses she is dealing with. I wish she would be more open to talking to others about how she feels as I think it would help her. I think I have been able to adjust faster than her thanks in large part to the people on this site. So we are probably still in different stages of grief.

I challenged her last night to really think about whether or not getting another fur ball sooner than later would be the right decision. She thinks having Lucy over and how she was genuinely happy is evidence enough that she can welcome another pet into out home, specifically a dog.

I know had Reggie been able to say something to us, he would have told us to be happy and love other fur balls. But it's just tough because there are a lot of different variables to process.

Hi, Aaron, it is natural that no two people "heal" at the same pace. Perhaps for Kristy having a dog will be a way of keeping Reggie's presence alive - - but not be "replacing" him with another feline companion. Does this make sense to you? Having Lucy stay with you is great, but - - - it was temporary, and did not present the 24 / 7, 365 - - lifetime (however long that will be) of the commitment to the care of a dog. It is more involved on a daily basis. Reggie's attachment to you and Kristy is very special -- now compound that by at least a 1,000 fold every single day. And regardless if you get a puppy or an older canine companion there will still be the matter of training him or her for appropriate house and social manners and routines - - which takes a LOT of time. So, is the physical setting of your house ready to accommodate the physical needs of a canine companion? For example, is there a comfortable place where he / she can stay when you and Kristy are not home so that, if he / she were to have a "transgression" that it would be easily cleaned when you get home? If Kristy really wants a canine companion, then preparation needs to be made just as if you were bringing a newborn baby home.

I will never forget when my mom presented me with her wanting a dog. We had never had a dog before, and I just wasn't up to the prospects of taking care of a dog, and we were just barely financially able to manage for ourselves and our feline companion, Holly. But eventually my mom convinced me that we would be okay, so one Saturday we visited several shelters, and the last one we found our precious Samson - - a barely 8 week old mixed Border Collie / Lab puppy. Yes, we went through many transitions in our home as Samson so patiently "taught us" what he needed and wanted. He brought MUCH JOY to my mom during the day while I was at work, and when I got home I saw all the things that his "grandmother" had taught him how to do. I did basic obedience training with him in the evenings, and we bonded as though we were one heart and spirit. He and Holly were my purpose for waking up in the morning during my traumatic recovery and rehabilitation, including grieving the physical death of my mom.

So, I can so relate to your caution about adopting a canine companion, particularly at this time, Aaron. But I can honestly say that I am so very blessed to have had Samson's precious presence with me during his earthly journey, as I am so very blessed to have had Oslo's as well.

So, take your time. Get some books either from the library or from Amazon or wherever - - and read up on the different breeds - - for each breed has it's own physical and medical pros and cons. Check with your homeowner insurance agent to see if there are any "riders" you would need for your policy for any particular breed of dog. Yes, some breeds - - unfortunately - - have earned the label "dangerous" and can increase your premium. Even if you adopt from the shelter, your beloved canine companion will be a "mix" of different breeds, and will eventually mature into its "dominant" gene pool. So, for instance you adopt a companion who has Lab / Rottweiler genes. The Rottweiler genes may be the "dominant" as your companion matures, and Rottweilers are on the "dangerous" list for most insurance companies. So, it is important that you check with your insurance agent first because there are "liability issues" now for folks who have canine companions.

I hope this helps you and Kristy in your considerations for a canine companion. I definitely do not want to discourage you from ultimately embracing a canine companion - - but it's best to prepare yourselves as much as possible ahead of time for this new life coming into your hearts and home.

Please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Aaron
I have not had time to read throughout this entire thread...but I have read yesterday and today's posts and I think I get the drift. Ironically, my name is Christie and I think your Kristy should call me! I too, miss the companionship. I had no other pets, so the emptiness is, well....horrifically empty.

I somehow managed to escape the vet today without a burned puppy in tow. I guess I knew that it was not right. I know what I want in my next pet. I will be patient enough until I can't be anymore.

Anyway, since I am unaware of what this whole thread entails, If I am off base, then please forgive me. I DO know, that whatever would fall into my lap, regardless of what kind of animal it was, I would love with all I have.

That's pretty much it. If I have infringed in any way, it was not my intention. Just adding my two cents.

Christie

Thank you moon beam and Christie As always, the advice is very helpful and much appreciated.

I told Kristy the other night that we could have gone and adopted 10 fur balls the day after Reggie passed away and we would love them because that is just who we are. Would it have been "right"? No, but I know no matter what fur ball we adopt or when we adopt, we'd love it because that is just the way we are, just as all of you adore and love these animals.

Re: the time and dedication it takes to own a dog (truly own a dog) is something we know all too well. Kristy's sister and her husband have a male Maltese and they have gone through training classes, take him on walks 2x a day and take him to the dog park as much as they can. Dogs need more attention in general than cats do, which Kristy and I know about thankfully. But that also is something we have to consider, regardless of WHEN we decide to adopt again.

I can say for certain that Kristy would prefer to adopt a dog because we both think if we adopted a cat (at least at this time), then we might compare him/her to Reggie, which is not fair. Reggie was an incredibly special cat (we all say that about our pets, huh?). He was truly a one of a kind and I am not sure I will ever again experience a relationship with a cat like that. It was just that special from day 1. When I talked to him, I could tell he knew what I was saying. He had his different voices and tones like any person and I knew them so well and knew what he was saying to me. It makes me tear up just typing these words out because it reminds me of just how special he was.

If I lived alone, I don't think I would be considering adopting at this point. But that is the thing about marriage, when your spouse hurts, you hurt and you want to do whatever you can to ease their pain. In my mind, I would rather my wife adopt a dog if it truly helped ease her pain. Would I "reject" whatever dog she adopted? No way, that is not in my nature. I suppose the net gain for my family would be positive enough by adopting a dog versus not adopting, that is what I am trying to say. Again, had my sister-in-law not been asked to dog-sit Lucy, then I don't think any of this would be up for discussion. I don't think that was coincidence either. But we still need to think hard about any decision we make.