Just wanted to check in and say that we are still doing OK...that seems to be the new norm. My wife and I keep talking about adopting a new fur ball. Again, I admit that this is more for her as she is having more difficulty coping with the loneliness and the absence of companionship Reggie gave us. But we are still talking about it and making sure that whatever decision we make is the right one.

We are still very much enjoying our time with Kylah and she keeps surprising us. She lays on the rug in the living room, almost in the same spot Reggie did, almost every night. One night she laid on the love seat in the living room for the entire evening, which is not like her. She is not much of a couch cat, but then again she was never much of a rug cat either. She is still being very loving and sweet and we are lucky we have had her to weather this storm.

Last Friday was a difficult night for us, me especially. I cried harder than I have in awhile. I think it boils down to the fact that the only reason we are even discussing adopting another pet is because we don't have Reggie. It reminds us how big of a void he left in our lives. It's true that when our pets leave us, they take a piece of us with them. Reggie took a really big piece of us. I think about him everyday and in most cases I smile when I think of how happy he made us.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you, Kristy, and Kylah are doing. I am so glad that Kylah is settling into sharing more "quality time" with you and Kristy, and perhaps Reggie is providing her some encouragement from the Bridge, too.

The "new norm" - - it's very difficult developing this when someone you love - - whatever the life form - - is no longer physically present. But our efforts are a tribute to the eternal love we are blessed to have and cherish, and I know Reggie is smiling with pride and approval in his heart as he watches over you, Kristy, and Kylah from the garden.

Aaron, please know you, Kristy, and Kylah are in my thoughts and prayers that each day will bring more peace and comfort to your hearts. I hope this evening will be kind to each of you, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

hi aaron

it is incredible to think beings so much smaller than ourselves can have such a huge presence in our lives and such a profoundly deep loving place in our hearts and souls and then also of course all their funny, clever, crazy, adorable, etc antics that can fill a ginormous space in our minds. the second two things are easier to carry around with us wherever we may go, but that massive space that they take up in the presence they have in our everyday lives is harder to hold on to which is what i think leaves us with that gut wrenching emptiness or void.

although we know we have to go on living our lives and that our beloved ones would have wanted us to do that too, it doesn't make it emotionally any easier when we are taking (or even just thinking about taking) steps in our lives that somehow or other acknowledge their absence.

take gentle care of you and move as fast or as slow as is right for you and all those who matter to you

You and your wife will know when it's the right time for another FurBall. For years people would always ask me if I wanted a puppy. "Our dog had puppies do you want one?"...NO. So-and-so's dog had puppies do you....".....NO. Then one day to my surprise the word "Yes" popped right out of my mouth.

I'm glad your kitty is doing well.

Lots of Hugs

Annette

Hi, Aaron, just stopping by to say hello to you, Kristy, and Kylah. I hope life is treating each of you kindly. Just want to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to sharing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey moon beam, I all of sudden felt the need to post here, now I know why

Well, we got ourselves a dog (more like Kristy got a dog). Kristy wanted a very specific dog for various reasons, so we got a male Maltese puppy. I won't go into why we got a Maltese, but they are all valid and was done so with Kylah in mind. I am fairly indifferent to the whole thing really, if not more sad now than before we got this dog. My wife is able to have a companion and has a little fur ball to take care of and is in love wit the little guy, which makes her happy. That makes me happy, but I just have this weird feeling inside of me that is difficult to explain. I feel no real attachment to this dog, at least not now. I don't want to give the impression that I am mean or cold toward him, because I am not, but just don't have the same level of attachment that Kristy does. Maybe I am doing that so he has a stronger bond with Kristy. Kylah is still laying in the living room on the rug even after we got this puppy. She is definitely curious of him and is doing OK, which is good. Maybe someday they can be buddies.

While not done intentionally, some of the things Kristy says to the dog are what she used to say to Reggie and that is probably what is the most difficult to deal with. She calls him a "handsome fella" like she did with Reggie and will say "Whoosh!!" when she picks him up, just like she did with Reggie. It just makes me think of him and while I have pleasant thoughts, it also makes me think of the companionship he gave us that is no longer there. Before I met Kristy, Reggie was *MY* cat and we shared this special bond that is gone now. I don't want to tell her any of this though, as I am willing to deal with it if it means she is happy (or not sad).

I suppose I had envisioned some puppy or kitten showing up at our house and that would be the "sign" that it was time to adopt again. I suppose my sister in law dog-sitting Lucy was kind of that sign, just not for me. I really doubt I will ever share the same bond with another animal that I shared with Reggie, which might be the most difficult part of all this.

I'll be OK, after all things could be worse, right? It's just another step in the journey. I'll get some pics posted soon of the puppy. Thanks for listening, as always.

Hi, Aaron, bringing a new companion into your home is a radical adjustment, particularly after a beloved companion has joined the angels. I can understand how upsetting it is for you to hear Kristy call the puppy the same love names she had for Reggie. It almost seems disresptful, doesn't it? Not in a mean way - - it just doesn't feel or sound "right."

Oh, Aaron, I know any furchild who shares his or her home with you will not be shut out of your heart or ignored. Your support of Kristy's needs to have a puppy even though you are not emotionally ready for the bonding right now is a true testamony to your unselfish commitment and love for her. In your own time and in your own way you and this new little life will have a "language" that is just between you. It won't be on the same level as you share with Reggie - - for your bond with Reggie is eternal, as it is with Kylah, and as it will be - - at some point in time - - with this new life energy. It's not intended to be on the same level as you share with Reggie because your life is different now. Any new companion you will have in your heart and your home will be shared with Kristy. Reggie was a part of you at a different time in your life - - you had a separate "history" with him BEFORE Kristy. This will always be special for you and for Reggie - - you were his first before Kristy, as he was yours first before Kristy. The fact that Kristy embraced Reggie into her heart is a testamony of her love for both you and Reggie.

So, please don't be harsh on yourself, Aaron. You and this new little life will bond together in your own ways and in your own time. As for the love names she calls the puppy and the routines she does with him that she also did with Reggie, I know that's hard. If I were to try to "&%^yze" this - - stepping back and observing from what you have shared this evening - - there are a lot of factors involved in Kristy's need for this puppy which includes trying to reconcile the deep sorrow in her heart for Reggie with this new puppy, and this includes using the same love names and re-inventing familiar routines shared with Reggie. This is not uncommon, but neither does it negate the sorrow you are feeling listening to it and watching it.

Aaron, you are right that this is another step in the journey, but it's a hard step when you honestly feel you're not ready for it. I assure you, Aaron, that Kristy is not "replacing" Reggie - - but for some reason she feels the need to nurture a new life sooner than later.

I hope what I have shared with you this evening will be a source of comfort and encouragement to you, Aaron. I'm glad that Kylah is still sharing company with you and Kristy -- and her new housemate. By the way, do you and Kristy have a name for this new furchild? How old is he? I will look forward to sharing your pictures whenever you're up to it, Aaron. Just please know that Reggie is forever a part of you, and he may have realized that Kristy needed this new life energy to help her, and so he may have been directing your path - - Kristy's path - - to this new furchild. It's okay, daddy Aaron - - Reggie understands. You are NOT putting Reggie "behind you," and you will NEVER EVER forget him. I promise you that, Aaron, with all my heart.

Please know you, Kristy, Kylah, and your new furchild are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Aaron, just stopping by to say hello and to check in to see how things are going in your household. Please know you ae in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, just wanted to check in and let those who care know we are still doing OK. Hope nobody thought I abandoned ship, I just took a little break from the boards (been sick, traveling, etc). We (more like I) are still adjusting to the new furball puppy we adopted. We decided to name him Quincy. No real reason we chose that name other than we just liked it. It's funny because he represents the 5th member of our family and the name Quincy is derived from the French word for "five".

The good news is that Kristy has really embraced the role of Quincy's new mommy and is working really hard to train him properly. He really is a good little dog and is already able to follow basic commands. He doesn't whine when he is in his crate and really wants to play with Kylah. Kylah is still warming up to him but is definitely curious. Kylah isn't afraid of him and can easily get away if she needs to. It's funny because Quincy is more interested in my sister-in-law's cat than their two dogs. I guess he just naturally likes cats. Our bedroom is still her domain, which will remain that way for quite sometime. Quincy likes me (and vice versa) but he is definitely more attached to Kristy, which is fine. I am glad Kristy is not crying and sad like she was before.

I still miss my Reggie so much though. I think about him every day. After we adopted Quincy, my sister-in-law and her husband adopted another dog, a rescued Shih Tzu that they named Truman. He is a really cool dog and is getting along well with their other dog, Baxter. My brother-in-law, Greg, has made comparisons of Truman to Reggie (in how Truman is very relaxed, likes to be held) and it breaks my heart because Reggie was one of a kind. I just grin and bear it and take it more as a compliment. My in-laws adopted a cat and he is a real lover. My mother-in-law even said she would give me their newly adopted cat if it would hep me, which was a nice gesture. I told her I would come over to love on him at their house.

While I am happy those around me are adopting animals who need homes, it still reminds me of how I don't have my little buddy with me anymore. I am still haunted from time to time of those last few weeks, although those bad memories are less and less common as time moves on. Kylah and I have grown closer through all this though and she is still being very sweet, so that's been good.

So I am still navigating the grief roller coaster one day at a time. I love Reggie so much and am still coping with the loss, even after 3+ months.

And here are a few pics of Quincy





Funny shot of him helping his mommy work

Leash training is a little slow going

Hi Aaron,

So good to hear from you, and to learn how you and Kristy are getting on. Quincy is such a cute-pie and looks like a real character. I know it must be difficult for you to see Kristy giving so much love and energy to this new furball in the way that she did for Reggie; but she is in no way trying to replace him. There will always be a place in her heart that belongs only to Reggie; and the same with you.

However, it is understandable that you feel slightly uncomfortable with it all; and it is no surprise that you still feel so sad over the loss of Reggie. You said that you are, "...still coping with the loss, even after 3 months plus..." Aaron, three months is a very short amount of time. You have experienced a great loss and it takes a great deal of time to learn to "adjust" so please do not put pressure on yourself, or feel like you need to "rush through" this. Whatever you are feeling is normal and right and there is no "you should be feeling this" or "you should be feeling that". Be gentle on yourself.

Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again.

Cheryl x

Hi, Aaron, it's so good to hear from you and how you, Kristy, and Kylah have been doing. Thank you for sharing Quincy with us - - he really is a cutie, and I know you are being a good dad to him.

Aaron, no one can ever replace your precious Reggie. Reggie has a very special bond with you because you belonged to each other BEFORE Kristy and Kylah became a part of your life. Because of this your grief journey is different from Kristy's, and that's okay. Your Reggie is sighing relief as he watches your progress in your grief journey approving that "those bad memories are less and less common as time moves on." Reggie does no want you haunted by the last days, hours, minutes of his earthly journey with you. Rather he wants you to focus on all the wonderful memories you have of him and to be comforted by his sweet Living Spirit that is forever a part of you. And I would not be surprised at all that he is encouraging Kylah to get closer to you knowing that in a very special way she is his earthly "mediator" between Reggie and you.

All this said, Cheryl has given you excellent support in her response, and there is very little I can adequately add to it. So please read it frequently and find great comfort, solace, and encouragement in her wise words. It is so good to hear from you again, Aaron, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible. Remember we are here for you - - you are among friends here who do understand how you're feeling. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thank you ladies, you are both very sweet. As you both know, I can't shun any animal, especially one that is as kind as Quincy. That's just not in my nature. It's nice to see him wag his little tail when he sees me or Kristy. That feedback gives me a good feeling, I won't lie. He is a little snuggler and likes you to hold him close to you.

Maybe the hardest thing for my still is hearing Kristy say things to Quincy that she said to Reggie. I sort of find myself doing the same thing, kind of like when I project Quincy talking and I use this silly Eeyore-like voice that I used with Reggie. I will stop myself sometimes because I am reminded how that was "Reggie's voice". It's just one of those double edged swords. Like I said, I am happy Kristy is not as sad as she used to be and has another furball to take care of. I know Reggie would not want us to be sad because that is not how he was. He was just an amazing friend and it's still a tough pill to swallow.

I hope you are all doing well wit your own journeys.

Thank you for sharing with us. Quincy is adorable. We are getting ready to bring a new baby home in a few weeks and are both still grieving for the loss of our little girl, Zoe. I am glad you are able to be so honest about how you are feeling because I have been having very mixed feelings. I am happy we will be adding a new furchild but I know I will react as you are if my husband uses the same phrases, etc with him that he did with Zoe.
One day at a time. Somedays it has been one hour at a time.

You're welcome Joanne, I am glad you enjoyed the pictures. When my wife first said she wanted to get a dog, it took awhile to sink in because I had not envisioned adding another family member that soon or in that way. I made it clear to my wife that I was compromising in order to help her because I'd rather one of us hurt than both of us. It's really hard to say if Quincy has helped me at all since I have no real basis to compare against, but I don't think he has made things any worse. It's hard not to smile when you see him though, so I guess that's a good thing.

So what lucky furball are you and your husband adopting?

Hi, Aaron, just being able to get caught up on your news. Yes, I know what you mean about saying the same words, doing the same "language" with Quincy as you shared with Reggie. I have felt the same way but I have come to understand that even though they may be the same words, same "language" as shared with previous companions they are still different because of the new relationship - - the new bond of friendship that is being formed over a lifetime. So, it really doesn't diminish what you shared wth Reggie - - what you shared with him during his earthly journey will always and forever just be for him.

I am so glad that Kristy is doing well with Quincy, and I know he is winning your heart as well. I'm smiling at his name because looking at his pictures he certainly does look like a Quincy. How is he doing with his leash training these days? I'm laughing - - I guess the more appropriate question is - - how is he doing in training you and Kristy?

As you say, Aaron, this is another "step" in the adjustment journey, but please know that Reggie is forever a part of you and is so proud of you for giving another little furchild a safe and loving home.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Quincy looks like a bundle of joy . . I'm sure he's putting lots of smiles on your face, he sure put one on mine just looking at his pictures! (and I don't smile much these days) I bet Reggie is smiling right now knowing his mom and dad are going to be great pet parents to his new brother. Maybe you should have a "Aaron & Quincy" day once a week where just the two of you take off to the park or for just a walk and then you can tell him stories about his big brother Reggie. You'll find out that he's a good listener, and when you are having one of those "off days" . . I bet he'd be real good about keeping a secret

Hope things are going well for you and Kristy

Lots of Hugs
Annette

Aaron.......what a beautiful and loving new friend you have. The photos really show his spirit and personality (that is one determined doggie on the end of the leash!). It is good to hear that your wife is improving since you got Quincy. I know you are more at ease knowing she is not in so much pain.

I have also thought about getting a dog, a border collie, perhaps. My sister has two and they are very intelligent (and very active) dogs. Right now I am not ready to take that step. Many more responsibilities come with dogs and I want to make sure that I am up for that additional effort.

I don't think of darling Chan so often, but I still cannot bring myself to bake the little memory ceramic with her paw prints and name. When I can do this and paint it as well then I will know that I have taken another step forward and am on the road to being able to open my heard to a new animal friend.

I can understand your strong bond to Reggie, he certainly was a unique and full-hearted companion. He did not hold back, he shared himself completely and also embraced life.

I know that you will also always carry him in your heart, there will never be a replacement for him, he was a special one. Each of my animal friends had their own personality, their own characteristics, and I miss them for the special precious spirits that they were (and continue to be, in another place, another form). I have so many loving memories of their presence in my life.

Jan

Hi all, just wanted to check in after a brief hiatus. I needed to take a break for a little bit, as we all need to do at times. The family is doing well. I had arthroscopic knee surgery a few weeks ago, so recouping from that. It wasn't too bad, luckily. Moon beam, Annette, Jan - thanks for the kind words. I think of how much you all have helped me and still am very grateful for that. I didn't want you to think I had just up and left.

Kristy went on a 5-day trip with her sister, so I am on puppy and kitty duty until Sunday. It's been good to have some time by myself with Quincy. We are warming up to one another, but he is still a mama's boy Kylah and Quincy aren't best buds yet, but I can tell they are warming up to one another. She strolls into the kitchen when he is there and is more comfortable with him. I can tell she wants him to chase her, but he is not quite sure how to play with her properly. I am sure over time they'll figure it out. I think having another animal presence in the house has been good for her though.

I got an annual checkup reminder in the mail yesterday for Reggie, which was kind of sad. I am better now than I was even just a month ago, but it's still tough. I am glad I found the reminder and not Kristy. I know he is looking down on us and smiling though, so that keeps my head up.

Here's a few pictures of Quincy for your viewing pleasure The first one was from last night after a long day at the grand parents. His hair is shorter now too. The second pic is kind of crummy, but shows one of his weird little habits of flipping over his bed and laying on it.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing, and for sharing pictures of Quincy with us. I'm chuckling at your comment about the second picture with him flipping over his bed and laying on it. Our furkids sure do have their own little quirky ways, don't they?

I know very well what you've been through having arthroscopic surgery on your knee. I had that done to my right knee, and the recovery was a lot easier than the surgery 25.5 years ago for a rod implanted into my right femur to hold it together so I can walk. I hope your recovery is speedy and uneventful, Aaron.

I am so sorry that you got the reminder from the vet's office about Reggie. I do know how difficult that must have been for you. The staff probably needs to be reminded to remove the reminders from Reggie in their computer system. You'd think they would already know to do that, but I had the same thing happen when my Eli joined the angels. When I asked the staff to remove the reminders for him from their computer system they were most apologetic for the oversight.

It is so good to see you again, Aaron, and thank you for letting us know how Kristy, Quincy, and Kylah are doing. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Aaron, and will look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey little buddy, just wanted to drop you a line. Yesterday marked your 5-month angel-versary. I can't believe it's been 5 months since you left this physical world. In some ways it feels like you left us just yesterday. It was also Mommy and Daddy's 8 year wedding anniversary. You really know how to remain in our lives, even though you are no longer with us physically. We both think about you everyday and still miss you so much. It's getting easier to cope with you not being here, but I wish you were still here with us today. You really left this world far too early, which makes us both cherish the time we spend with friends and family even more now.

Your sister likes to sit in the front bedroom window sill where you liked to sit and look at the birds and lizards. Your favorite chair in the same room is still empty, I don't think anyone has sat there since you left us. That was your chair and will always be your chair, but I won't ever get rid of it. It still has your little claw and teeth marks on it from when you were a kitten and would play on the chair. I cleaned the house last weekend and was dusting the tops of the corner posts of the bed where you loved to sit. They still show your back claw marks from when you'd jump up there and dig in for traction so you wouldn't slide off. I love those claw marks. I miss hearing you meow when I would get ready in the bathroom - you loved licking my hair, which your Mommy found very weird. When we get ready for bed at night, it's just your sister on the bed now. You would be on Mommy's side of the bed squishing on the bed spread, waiting for us to go to bed. Then you'd come down and visit us and lay by Mommy's head. Your sister always came down and would jump down to the end of the bed to lure you away, which always worked. I miss waking up at night and feeling you down by my feet and hearing you give me that "what, I'm sleeping" meow when I checked to see if you were there. I really miss how you woke my up at night just so I'd give you attention and carry you back to bed. You were one of a kind and with every day that passes, I am reminded more and more of how special you truly were.

Our new furball Quincy is helping Mommy a lot, as well as Daddy. I think you would have gotten along with him very well. He wants to play sooooo much with Kylah, but they are still warming up to one another. But she is getting more and more curious of him. He actually likes to lay across my shoulder just like you did, which is pretty funny. He has his funny little quirks, just like you did. He will "woof" quietly in the morning when he wants us to get up, much like you would meow quietly to wake us up.

I hope you are having fun where you are and I am glad you are healthy now. Thanks for everything you did for us and those who were fortunate enough to meet you. Until next time.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and your heartfelt letter to your precious Reggie. I'm smiling as I'm reading it. It sounds to me like your precious Reggie is teaching Quincy how to comfort you so that you can focus on your precious memories of Reggie's life with you. I'm smiling at your memories of his claw marks on the headboard, and his teeth marks on the chair. It reminds me of my Samson - - he teethed on the furniture legs to my mom's piano, as well as chewing holes in a couple of throw rugs and blankets. I still have those area rugs and blankets, and every time I use them and see the little holes he chewed in them I think of him as a puppy trying to get relief in any way he could from the discomfort of teething. I tried everything I could think of to help soothe his gums, but the thing that gave him the most comfort was chewing on something substantial - - like an area rug or a folded blanket - - and a couple of my furry slippers.

Aaron, it is so good to share how you, Kristy, Kylah, and Quincy are doing. Thank you again for sharing your cherished memories of your precious Reggie with us, and for letting me share a memory of my Samson with you. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thanks moon beam, I always appreciate your words. Today is an unexpected tough day for me. I went on a short business trip and as I was driving back, I "accidentally" thought about how I always loved coming home from trips because I got to see my Reggie. It just popped in my head unexpectedly. Kristy was home for lunch and Quincy was out and I was setting up my laptop in the office to work from home. He came into the office and it reminded me of how Reggie would come into the office anytime I would be in the office chair. He would sit next to me and meow unrelentlessly until I made room for him to jump on my lap. Sometimes he wouldn't even wait, he'd make due with what room there was. Our bond was so strong and so special and I still miss it so much.

You just never know when things like this will appear. I really miss that cat so much, I think about him every day. I try not to, but those last few weeks still linger in my mind. I wish to hell those memories would just go away, but they won't. I'll be OK though, I know Reggie is doing well where he is.

Hi, Aaron, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. You are so right, Aaron. The memories of our beloved companions are always with us, even when we do not consciously think of them. And when they precede us to the angels our greatest fear in our deep grief is that we will somehow "forget" them. But they are indelibly etched in our hearts, no matter how long the physical separation may be. The last weeks, days, hours of our earthly journey with our beloved companions are part of our memories, and because they are the most recent ones they are the most pronounced - - at least for awhile. I promise you, Aaron, as your grief lessens you will find your memories of how Reggie would do something more comforting. It's quite okay to talk to your precious Reggie just as you would if he were still physically with you, for his sweet Living Spirit is forever with you.

And if Quincy does something to remind you of your precious Reggie, it would be quite okay to say something like, "Did your kitty brother Reggie send you to me?" or "Okay, Reggie, what message are you giving Quincy to give to me?" or "You know, Quincy, your kitty brother Reggie used to do this very same thing. How special of you to carry on his tradition with me." Or whatever is in your heart.

This grief journey does have its twists and turns, Aaron, and thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, you will be okay. Just know we are here for you to try to help smooth the "rough spots" for you anytime, whenever you need us.

Aaron, I hope life is treating you, Kristy, Kylah, and Quincy kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam