Hi Donna,

That song...good words...the group Bread right?

Sorry you are feeling so low, you have good reason to, 3 losses in such a short time. I have only been around this site long enough to go through the loss of Buck with you, but I'm sure you loved them all equally, individually and in your own special way. I definitely relate when you say "the grief will always be here." I haven't as yet figured out how to get through it all. I'm tired, just wanted to let you know I care and relate.

Dennis

Hi Donna,

I am thinking about you Donna.

Love, Rhapsedy

Dear Donna, I'm so sorry that life is being a challenge for you - - whatever the reasons including the devastating loss of Frasier, Niles, and Buck. It is incredibly hard to find happiness when our heart's love and purpose are no longer physically with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, - - I am here for you.

I hope that you will have a peaceful weekend, Donna - - somehow, and that you will feel the sweet Living Spirits of your precious boys fill your heart.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thinking of you Donna and all your fur angels,

Hugs,
Sonya

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the thoughts every day! Even though I'm not posting as much, I think about this forum all the time. What a great place this is! I've had so much not-so-good stuff going on over the last 1 1/2 years and some of it has even been serious stuff but I just keep floating back to the loss of my boys. I don't know if it's just a familiar place for me to retreat to or if I'm using them as an excuse to mildew. I'm not sure. I just ache for them, you know? I mean, I really ache. When I'm at work, I'm fine and act like my usual self. But when I get home, I feel my face literally begin to fall. Do any of you feel that way? I just sometimes don't feel like I'm progressing in my yearning for them. I want to go back! I just want to go back!
I love Daphne and I sort of like Sera (she doesn't want to be touched or even looked at!) but it pales so much to how I felt about the brothers and Buck. They were just so easy. They made everything easy their whole lives. And I'm not just remembering them the way I want to. After 2 weeks, the brothers got along as if they'd never been separated. We got Buck at 6 weeks old and he house-trained himself! He just came that way. It was strange but so wonderful. We taught him his own sign language, named all his toys, and taught him all the regular commands in a day. He never forgot them his whole life. They just made everything easy from the beginning and these girls make EVERYTHING hard! It's funny and I do laught about the girls but it also leaves me feeling empty and lonely for furballed companionship.
I haven't been any help at all to the newest people on the forum. I find I just don't have the energy lately to respond to their stories and their sadness. I feel so bad about that. Do y'all go through that ever? I don't know, I'm just whining I guess. Thanks for letting me, if you will.

Dear Frasier, you little hambone. I miss you at night the most. We spent some precious time falling asleep together. Do you know how long I stared at your little feet and nose and mouth while you slept? Do you know I memorized your fur pattern and burned it in my brain? Do you know I would've done anything to protect you? Do you know, Bean? Do you?
Dear Niles, I have a song for you. It portrays your last moments exactly the way I remember them. I told you I would never let anything hurt you yet I had to let you die. I told you you would always be safe. Your transition to wherever you are was hard for me. It took all my strength to get you there. I feel as though I held you up to Heaven and held you there while you slipped away. I held you there as the waters flooded me. The waves hit me so hard but I kept holding you there to keep them away from you. You and I had a fantasy that we'd always be together, my little king.
Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your Curly Que's
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books
Are full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see
The truth for lies

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms


Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
Cause you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

Hey I
Hey I
Will love

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

In my arms

Dear Buck, I have a song for you too. Actually, Boo, I think Daddy has a song for you. He's been playing it at night and I can hear him singing it. Since he never ever does that kind of thing, I think there's a reason. You know he would never admit it, though. I feel like he sings it to you. He says it's the best song he ever heard. He just doesn't make those kind of comments, does he, Boo? Here's the words, BD.

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..
Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe.
Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.
Stay with me,..
You’re all I see.
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.
I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.
Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

Sweet dreams, little men. Sweet dreams.
-Mommy

Wow! That Eddie Vedder song is my song with Baden. I heard it when I came back from the vets after Baden left. Its huge, amazing, sad and so beautiful-all wrapped up in one. I sing and cry to it as well. You should check out the video on youtube. EV sings it with so much emotion.
Times are tough. I hope you are making it through okay....
Amy

Baden, yes, Eddie Vedder sings that song better than I think anyone could. I'm listening to it now and I think my husband may be right. It could be the best song. The song for Niles is Safe in My Arms by Plumb. Listen to it on youtube - it's hauntingly beautiful (puppygirl829 has the best copy). Just haunting the way she sings it. When I listen to it, I feel him all around me. I'm glad someone else has songs for their pets too. Makes me feel a little less....well.....weird.

For Winston my song for him is Tears In Heaven, since it's the song my son sung to him while I was borrowing a shove from my neighbor to dig his grave.

Donna,

I know exactly what you mean! I ache too for Brando and Callaway and wish I could go back and really appreciate my time with them. I truly believe that I will never have the same bond with another dog and that makes me sad.

I wish I could write more but I'm just exhausted.

I'm thinking about ya.

Hi All--

Ladywolf's and my song was "God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You," from the Beach Boys Pet Sounds album. Of course, I never listen to radio, but whenever I happen to hear it somewhere, that's what they're playing!

I can't decide if songs are helpful for me, or if they hurt too much!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Big

Dear Donna, thank you so o o o much for sharing with us how things are going with you. There is a time to give comfort and a time to receive comfort. Donna, with all that you have been through, and are still going through, this is your time to RECEIVE comfort.

I know what you mean about how your boys made everything easy. That's how it was with my Oslo, Eli, Noah, and Abbygayle. Oslo was our "constant" and the kitty kids would look to him for comfort and stability when things weren't always smoothe. I think perhaps one of the reasons why Noah freaked so about little Hank was because he didn't have the comfort of Eli or Oslo, or Abbygayle, to help him understand. I am his only "constant" now, and apparently he needs my undivided attention, and he so deserves it with everything he has been through.

Songs - - each of my furkids have had their own songs: Oslo's were Elvis' "Can't Help Falling in Love" and Petula Clarke's "This Is My Song." Eli's was John Denver's "For Baby". Abbygayle's were Bette Midler's "The Rose" and "All I Ask" from The Phantom of the Opera. Noah has many songs right now.

Donna, when we hurt - - deeply, unconsolably, - - we do retreat to what our hearts remember as better times. This is part of the coping process when our "reality" is unpleasant - - to put it mildly. I wish there was a way I could ease at least some of your sorrow, Donna. I'm here for you for whatever that's worth, just please know that. You are in my thoughts and prayers frequently every day, Donna.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all. I love reading everyone's songs. Moonbeam, you always touch my heart with your replies. Thank you for explaining how I feel and why I feel this way. It's crazy but when you explain it, it makes sense to me and I don't feel so weird. Frasier's song is John Denver's "For You". The anniversary of his death is coming up this month on the 27th. I hadn't listened to the song since last year but because of everyone's responses to my post, I played it last night. It's still a perfect fit for him. When I listened to it, I felt wrapped in love for him. He was the most gentle and caring and funny thing. A precious love that fills my heart still.
I know that every person carries their own burdens and baggage and experiences. But don't you just want sometimes to carry a sign around that screams "Something happened to me and I'll never be the same!"? "They were just animals to you but they were my children!" Maybe the world would be a little nicer place if we all carried signs like that. It would prove we're all human beings and we all hurt and we're all trying. I don't know where I'm going with this or how/why I got onto this subject. I was just thinking, I guess.
Anyway, I have to go. Daphne's got litter stuck all over her leg so I've got some cleaning to do!
-Donna

Hi, Donna, the music that we share with our beloved companions on this side of eternity takes on a new dimension when they are no longer physically with us, doesn't it? It seems to beomce more angelic in nature rising gently heaven-ward crossing the boundaries of time and space - - it truly becomes the "music of the heart".

I'm glad I'm able to help you understand some things better. I can so relate to what you're feeling and going through, my friend. It is said that experience is the best teacher. I just wish there were some "lessons" I could have missed out on over the years, you know what I mean? However, if the lessons learned from those experiences are offering you some help and comfort now, then perhaps they were lessons worthwhile after all.

I have to chuckle about Daphne's grooming. Abbygayle had the longest and thickest fur pants I have ever seen on a cat, and once in awhile I, too, had to help her with her "clean up" after a potty visit. I started clipping the longest of the fur around her sweet little bottom and that helped out a lot. I'm wondering how your Daphne responded to your assistance.

Donna, please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and look forward to knowing how you're doing. I hope you and your family will have a peaceful weekend.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Donna, just checking in with you to see how you're doing, to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that life is treating you kindly, and that you and your husband will have a peaceful and pleasant weekend.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moonbeam. Thank you for checking in on me. I've been lurking lately but not really up to posting. My mom has told me for years that when her mother passed away that things sort of came crashing in on her about 2 months after she died. It's been that way lately. It's coming up on a year since I lost Frasier - the first true love that I've lost. It's been hard. Sometimes I feel like I just lost them all even though time is ticking away. I'm crying every day again. I know my husband feels the same way because I've found him crying about Buck lately.
I know you miss your babies. I hope you are doing ok. Please give Noah a big kiss for me. I miss snuggly boys. These girls just aren't affectionate in the least. It's probably good for me in the long run but for now, I'm lonely for fur companionship. I miss the relationships, you know? I hurt.
Anyway, thanks again for checking in on me. It's hard to keep up with all the new posts. So much sadness.
-Donna

Hi Donna,

I am so sorry that you are hurting. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I just don't have the energy to post more.

Hi Donna,

I, too, am sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time lately. Sometimes, when the tears come, it's hard for them to stop. I hope in time the pain in your heart will begin to subside a little - though I know it will probably always be there, in one way or another. The "missing them" part is so hard, as well as the emptiness and loneliness that comes with it. I can't help thinking about a quote I read in a article that was posted somewhere on the forum. It sums it up perfectly for me: "There's a hole where whole used to be." I hope you can still feel your babies near and gain some comfort from that.

You are in my thoughts. Cheryl x

Hi Donna--

I too am sorry that you are hurting so much. This grief journey is SO powerful and unpredictable, isn't it? Grief that comes up months, or even years later, is quite common, unfortunately, and just has to be endured.

My mom committed suicide in 1987. About six months later, when I thought I was doing pretty well with it all and moving forward in my life, I was shopping for a silk blouse in a good department store, with money I had inherited when my mom died, when it suddenly hit me that I would never go shopping with my mom again, and I just totally lost it in the blouse department. Suddenly I had saleswomen all over me, trying to find out what was wrong, as I was crying uncontrollably. They were very nice about it, actually, when I explained what was going on--handing me kleenex, putting their arms around my shoulders, etc. I certainly hadn't "planned" to break down in the middle of Sak's Fifth Avenue that day! But it was all beyond my control.

I've never forgotten that incident, as such a painful example of how my grief was still alive, and could strike me down at any moment, logical or illogical...

You've had so MUCH loss in the past few months, it's amazing to me that you are functioning as well as you are...

Again, I am sorry that there is still so much pain for you and your husband--but go on acknowledging and expressing it. The only way out is through, obviously--painful as it is. I hope that today goes more smoothly for you!

Big higs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold

Donna,

I know just what you mean, "lurking" here, trying to stay connected, but feeling out of the loop, like just because a few months have passed (or a year for Frasier) that we're "supposed" to have worked thru things. Been a little over 3 months for me, and when the tears come, it too feels like it just happened. I feel like I've accepted the reality that Kota's gone, yet whenever I come home, I get that pit in my stomach, still "hoping" she'll be here. Your sadness is your sadness, no time limit, and it's real, and it's a tragic thing these losses we are enduring. Thinking of you, and peace to your lost loved ones.

Dennis

Dear Donna, I certainly do have a good idea how you and your husband are feeling. Margi said it so well: "The only way out is through, obviously--painful as it is."

Today is 25 years since the automobile collision that claimed my mother's life and changed mine forever, and is also the 5 months and 2 days anniversary since Abbygayle joined the angels. It's been a hard time lately reconciling everything so close together. For me right now the only real meaning in my life is my Noah - - he is my reason for trying, he is my reason for waking up in the morning, he is my reason for being.

Donna, I'm so sorry that the girls are so aloof to you with their affection. Like you I really need the fur cuddles. Like you there are times when I still cannot believe it's real losing three furkids within a 39 month time frame, and two of them within 4 months.

Donna, I wish I could take your pain and grief away, but I don't have that power. I just hope you know that I am here for you, reaching across the miles, offering you my hand of friendship and a shoulder to share what is iin your heart as you feel comfortable doing.

Please know you and your husband are frequently in my thoughts and prayers, Donna, and honestly look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all so much. It moves me to tears the way everyone has responded to me. I don't know if y'all feel this way or not but this grief process is lonelier than grieving for a human might be. Most people understand in the beginning but the loss is so much larger than just what it is in the beginning. Even though I know the people in my life understand that I'm still hurting, they don't have a clue as to what is really going on. I know everyone on this forum knows, though.
It's not like I'm not functioning. It's just what goes on when no one is around. And that's what makes it especially lonely on top of everything else. I don't think most people would understand the depth of the tears this far along in the process. And that's a lonely feeling.
Another thing I've figured out is that my mind doesn't know what to do with all the emptiness. I know all of you will understand because of the depth of the care you gave your pets but those who nursed their pets through illnesses will really know what I mean. For so very long, I fussed over all 3 of my pets because I knew they were getting older. I was obsessed with trying to remember everything about them and trying to be sure I was grateful for every moment. It became debillitating (sp?) for me. I was eaten up with losing them. Then one by one they started getting sick. And that's when the real vigilence set in. The constant (and I do mean constant) care, worry, nurturing, just everything that went along with knowing they were very ill. Every hour I would agonize over making all the right decisions. I had more conversations in my head with our vet that I even care to think about now. I would lie awake at night rehearsing what I would say to him in the morning. I watched them breathe and feared I'd see the last breath. It defined me. It truly defined me. And now there's nothing. There's all this silence in the house and in my head. I don't wish to have an ailing pet but I don't know what to do with myself in my free time. I know I should volunteer somewhere but I can't stand to look at animals who need homes. I can't deal with it yet.
I'm sorry. I'm just getting it all out. I've got all these thoughts that tumble around my head and I just need to get them out.
Life keeps going on and other things need attention but don't you just sometimes want to yell out, "Can everyone just stop for a minute while I work through this!!??" "Don't give me anything else to stress over! I need time!"
I wish I could have known all of your pets. I wish you could have known mine. Thank you all again for your kind words and your understanding.
-Donna
P.S. Margi, thank you for sharing your story about your mom. I'm so sorry for your loss. And Moonbeam, thank you for your story about your mom. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through.

Donna,

I know what you mean about the constant worrying and obsessing over our fur babies health. My boyfriend used to always tell me to stop being so "morbid" because I used to constantly worry about Daisy getting sick or dying, to the point where it was sometimes difficult to just enjoy her. If she did the slightest thing -- like sleep for a little longer than usual, I was on the Internet researching what could be wrong. I know everything there is to know about every rabbit illness there is. I don't know if it was the same for you, but before Daisy got sick, I already knew she was going to get sick. I could just feel it in my heart. The week before she died I had constant dreams about her dying - and I actually had a dream that we took her to the vet and was told she had cancer. A few days later, that very thing happened. I remember she had gone off her food and wasn't moving about as much. I phoned my boyfriend and said, "I think Daisy has cancer". He told me I was over-reacting and to stop being silly. The next day she had a bloody discharge. When I saw it, I just fell to the floor, crying. I'd done all the research. I knew - a sure sign of uterine cancer. The vet confirmed it, and she was put in for an emergency operation to remove the tumour. She didn't survive the aneasthetic.

I think it's normal to worry when you LOVE something that much. When you can't imagine your life ever being complete without them. But it's something that's putting me off getting another pet. I can't be happy without an animal in my life, but at the same time, I just don't know if I can go through all that worry and stress again. But I do know what you mean about not knowing what to do with yourself now. I also think about all the knowledge I gained about rabbits while having Daisy, and now that I no longer have her, what do I do with that knowledge? It all seems such a waste. The hardest thing for me though... is what do I do with the love?

I did have a point when I started responding to your message, but I think it got lost somewhere along the way I guess I just wanted to say that I understand, and that I'm sorry, and that I'm thinking of you.

Cheryl x

Cheryl, you didn't get lost at all! I know EXACTLY what you were saying. I was exactly the same way. I couldn't enjoy them for worrying about them. Now I look back on all the time I wasted worrying when there was nothing wrong. But I, too, knew beforehand and I kept telling my husband with each one that something was wrong. He kept telling me to quit looking for things. My vet told me to get off the internet and I did a little but like you, I researched til my fingers fell off!
I talked to my vet about my anxiety and he said, "you know, pets are supposed to bring us joy and you're not letting them." He also told me something I hadn't thought about when I told him I didn't want more pets. He said that there are so many animals out there that would be blessed to have me. He told me I was a good parent and that if I got younger pets then it would be awhile before I would need to be concerned about their health. He was right. Daphne and Sera are younger (although not as young as I'd like) and I do feel a sense of relief with them. They aren't a comfort to me because they're not affectionate but I don't find myself worrying like before. (not yet, anyway) So it is true that we can have them in our lives again without being incapacitated with fear.
Thank you for replying to me. I can't believe your response and how it describes how I was too.
-Donna

When Winston died my boss was on vacation and when she came back I was telling her what happened and choking up pretty hard as I tried to tell the story and she said "If something happened to Abby (her beagle) I don't think I'd be that upset."

Unfortunately, I think a large number of pet owners and people have that attitude... it's just an animal, so why should its death hurt? These people don't realize what our pets are, to people like us; they're family members, guardians and companions. I can remember when my mother died... I was sitting at my PC doing something (what I was doing escapes me) a couple of days after she died when I started to cry. After a minute, Winston came up to me, put his head in my lap and just looked at me as if to say "I'm here if you need me." It's that unconditional love that alot of people don't seem to get that pets offer to you.

Regardless of what people you know may say about what you're going through, take some comfort in knowing every one of us here knows what you're going through and understands the pain. We've all been there and we've all come to terms with what happened and the loss of our friends, each in our own way.

You're in my thoughts, and please let us know how you're doing.

Hi, Donna, I'm just getting caught up on posts and just wish to let you know that I do understand what you mean about "obsessing." I don't think of it as that - - I think about as being "committed love." When we love, deeply love, there is a connection that goes beyond the five senses - - there becomes an intuition that transcends any form of scientific explanation. When I felt Abbygayle's tumor on her left hip for the first time, my heart sank - - literally sank. I was trying not to "jump to conclusions" but I KNEW it was cancer. I was thinking today on my way home from work how all the information I read on the internet said that amputation was the "best" way to try to prevent, or postpone, the spread of the Fibrosarcoma. And each time she had surgery Dr. Bolen and I talked about amputating her leg, but Dr. Bolen never did. And I am so o o o glad she didn't. My Abbygayle was able to keep her leg pain free for 8.5 months, and when she started having pain toward the end I knew that it was time to let her go home to the angels. Amputation would not have prevented the spread of the cancer - - it was too far advanced by the time the first surgery was done. She was able to enjoy a decent quality of life with her body intact, and I am ever so grateful for that.

The same thing for my Oslo - - when he was diagnosed with cancer 3 months before he joined the angels. When I felt the lump in his throat I KNEW it was a form of cancer before I took him to see Dr. Bolen.

So, Donna, you are not alone in your "committed love." To reiterate what both Clay and Cheryl and Margi and all the of the wonderful folks on this thread have already said, take comfort in knowing that every one of us here knows what you're going through and understands the pain you are feeling. As to the matter of what to do with your empty time now - - this is one of the many hard adjustments to reconcile during this grief journey. Oslo required a LOT of personal care, and when he joined the angels, Abbygayle began needing more attention. When she joined the angels I had all of this "empty time" and it has been very hard adjusting to this very same thing - - NOW what do I do? And my precious little Noah has had the same adjustment as well.

And yes, I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do. Sometimes - - quite frequently if the truth be known - - I do feel like screaming, "Can everyone just stop for a minute while I work through this!!??" "Don't give me anything else to stress over! I need time!" It never ceases to amaze me how life goes on - - never misses a beat - - bills have to be paid, employers expect perfect job performance, groceries have to be purchased, meals prepared, etc. -- - all during a time when absolutely EVERYTHING seems so meaningless. And for me, the more that is expected of me to do the more I just want to run away to a deserted island - - no telephones, no cell phones, - - just completely isolated.

Donna, the only thing I can say is just to reassure you that it's okay for you to feel the way you do. Daphne and Sera came into your life at a time when you are both physically and emotionally at an all time low - - totally expended - - totally depleted - - totally exhausted - - and this is one of the reasons why bonding with them is being so hard for you. You can only do what you can - - what you feel up to, Donna, - - you do need time to heal from everything you have been through, and this can only be done on YOUR own pace.

Donna, I hope you can feel the comfort, support, and encouragement each of us are sending your way through the miles. When we are in deep grief, when we are totally depleted emotionally, it takes awhile to be able to feel much of anything except our grief, and that's normal. Please keep "lurking" here, my friend, for each of us will always be here for you. Please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, Donna, and sincerely want to know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Wasn't he grand? This was just days before he passed. He was a fighter.

Click to view attachment

Yes he is grand! And he has the look that tells you he knows he is grand too!!

What beautiful memories he must have given you. Lucky you & lucky him to have known such love.

Oh, Donna - I asbolutely LOVE that picture. It's so beautiful. What a handsome, proud boy. Just look at that gorgeous face and the wisdom written all over it. Thank you so much for sharing your precious Buck.

Hugs - Cheryl x

He's so proud and handsome as Cheryl says, Donna. What a boy. Love him.
xx

His stance IS so proud, Donna. He's a dog who has a strong sense of self, and you gave that to him. How lucky you were, how lucky he was.

Keep those happy memories flowing!

Hugs--Margi, Spiritwolf and Leopold the Night Stalker

He was so beautiful Donna! You were both so lucky to have each other. Now you have the hard part of learning how to live life without him. Just try and remember what a great life you gave him and that you did everything you could for him.

Love,
Rhapsedy

Hi, Donna, I'm nodding my head in agreement with you, Margi, Cheryl, Flossie's Mom, Rhapsedy - - Buck is a handsome lad, and I mean "is" because he is still his very handsome self once again healthy in the company of the angels. This is how you will see him when it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy - - eternally healthy and happy.

You are blessed to have shared his journey on this side of eternity. You are blessed to have been his loving guardian and caregiver. You will always have this blessing - - no one else can claim it - - ever. And nothing can ever take it away from you. As painful as this grief journey is, Donna, only you and your husband have the daily memories to cherish - - no one else can claim this honor. No one else can ever say they were your boys' mom and dad.

Thank you so o o much for sharing your beloved companions with us, Donna. It is an honor to share your memories of your precious Buck, Frasier, and Niles. This is one of the many ways we have of keeping them alive with us - - to share our memories of them with others who will genuinely appreciate them. You wrote in your previous post " I wish I could have known all of your pets. I wish you could have known mine." - - In sharing our memories we are blessed with a "glimpse" of each other's beloved companions. And when we finally come together in heaven's perfect garden at each of our appropriate times, we will not be strangers to each other or to each other's beloved companions. And what a party we're going to have then!!!

So, Donna, even though we are "unknown" to each other now except through our cyber connection, we will always be connected to each other through the best friendships we will ever know - - through the strongest bond of love shared with our beloved companions.

So, Donna, keep on sharing your memories with us. We will NEVER get bored with pictures and memories, nor will we ever desert you when the burden of separation is more than what your heart can bear.

Please know you and your husband are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, Donna, and - - please know I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all so much. Thank you thank you thank you. I appreciate more than you can know your kind words of praise for my boy. And I do hope to see him that way again.
Love to you all for being so compassionate!
-Donna

Hi, Donna, it is so o o o good to see you posting some. I think about you every day hoping that each day is treating you kindly. I so do understand what you mean about your stomach knotting up when you hear the telephone ring. Conditioning ourselves to only hearing bad news is a survival mechanism. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I hope and pray that somehow in some way soon you will begin to once again experience the better side of life.

I just wanted to check in with you, - - to let you know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Donna
Your Buck was absolutely beautiful. This is just how I picture your precious Angel at
the Rainbow Bridge waiting for you.

Hugs
Anna and My Angels



Click to view attachment

Click to view attachment

Hugs
Anna

Anna, thank you so much for the beautiful pictures. It's ironic that you posted them when you did because we just finally received his grave marker on Wednesday. It is a cement dog w/ angel wings. I searched everywhere for the right one and finally found one on the internet to match the 2 we have for Niles and Frasier. And then you post a picture with him with wings! Thank you so much!
Moonbeam, thank you as well for your reply. I don't know if I'm conditioning myself or just running away.
Today is the one year anniversary of Frasier's passing. I'm home alone just as I was that day. I'm just trying to spend the day thinking about him and how cuddly he was. I called my mom last night and asked her if she knew what today was. She said, "yes I do because I have it marked in my devotion book that today Donna lost her precious baby boy." It couldn't be better said, I think. My precious baby boy.
-Donna

Dear Donna, what a precious, thoughtful, loving memory your mom shared with you. Today is certainly one that is going to be filled with many memories and emotions. The markers for your boys sound so beautiful. Perhaps, if you would want to, you could take a picture of your markers and post them so that we could see them - - share them with you, BUT only if you want to. Sometimes some things we just want to keep private, and that's okay too.

Although this is Frasier's annviersary I know you can't avoid thinking about Niles and Buck, too - - for one year ago today they were physically there with you. It's a year in your life that so much has happened, so much has changed. I do understand how you're feeling, Donna.

Donna, please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and especially today. I hope you can feel me reaching across the miles to you to just be there with you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moonbeam, I will post a picture of them. I have a new photo program ever since our computer had to be rebuilt from the virus and I haven't uploaded anything from my camera to it yet. So, it may take me awhile because I don't have the best luck working with new programs at first. Thank you for your thoughts.
-Donna

Donna, Buck is for sure majestic. What a handsome boy.

hugs,
Sonya

Hi, Donna, oh h h h h - - I do know what you mean about computer programs. Whenever I learn a new program I have to take notes - - like really beginning with "to open the program click on the icon that looks like . . . , go to . . . open this icon . . . " I hope your computer is working okay now. It's a bummer when our "high technology" goes on the fritz. I just got done paying off my Dell account from major problems I was having with my lap top that finally got sent off to Dell earlier this year and got sent back to me with a new mother board, among other things. It is now 7.5 years old, so I guess it was due for some fixin'.

Donna, I hope this weekend will be kind to you and your husband. We will look forward to seeing your pictures and sharing your memories whenever possible, Donna. Just take your time, we're here - - we're not going anywhere. Please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear boys, my sweet precious boys:

Gone is the romance that was so divine.
'Tis broken and cannot be mended.
You must go your way,
And I must go mine.
But now that our love dreams have ended...

What'll I do
When you are far away
And I am blue
What'll I do?

What'll I do?
When I am wond'ring who
Is kissing you
What'll I do?

What'll I do with just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?

When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true
What'll I do?

What'll I do with just a photograph
To tell my troubles to?

When I'm alone
With only dreams of you
That won't come true
What'll I do?
-Irving Berlin

Dear Donna, my mom used to play that song on the piano sometimes, so I know the tune and the broken heartedness of the lyrics. My mom used to say that music is a universal language for it speaks to the heart and emotions. There are times when I sing songs that belong to my furbabies with the angels, and sometimes I can sing them okay and sometimes I break down crying - - mixed emotions of missing them terribly, eternally grateful for being their caregiver during their journey here on earth, and thankful that they are once again healthy and happy in the company of the angels - - looking forward to when I will be blessed to join them in eternal joy.

Donna, your boys know your love for them, and they know they are the music of your heart. Thank you so much for sharing your music with us. And please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Donna,

Those lyrics are spot-on. I too, know the song. I haven't heard it since I was little.

Thank you for sharing.

Thinking of you.
Cheryl x

Thanks Moonbeam and Cheryl. My told me long ago that her mom used to sing it to her. It's an old song but so beautiful. I listened to Judy Garland's version on youtube this weekend. That's why I put it on here for the boys. I don't always remember all the words but I sing it to their pictures or while I'm cleaning the house or something.
-Donna

Dear Donna, I was reading through your post to Annette yesterday, and could feel everything you were sharing with her. I so know what you mean about your new neighbors not ever knowing Buck, and how do you answer questions if you have any furkids in your home. You can answer the latter question by saying, "We have 5 furkids, three are with the angels right now, and we have two little girls living with us" - - or something like that. If you are speaking with someone who is sensitive to your response, they may ask you about your angel furkids. This will give you an opportunity to tell them about your boys, how Buck was the first doggie companion in the neighborhood, and about your Frasier and Niles. And if you are speaking to someone who is an insensitive jerk, then you can just walk away.

Life is "strange" with all the changes that happen without our beloved companions' physical presence to share life's journey with on this side of eternity. Even painting your home must seem "alien" to you because your Frasier, Niles, and Buck aren't there to supervise the work and maybe even interject some furkid havoc into the process - - like getting into the paint with their paws or whiskers - - and then tracking it into the house - - or perhaps frolicking in the yard and tipping over a paint bucket - - colorful splashes EVERYWHERE. There are "homeowner projects" that I need to do, but I just can't bring myself to doing them - - yet. I don't want to change anything while Noah is still physically with me - - so that we both can enjoy what has always been. I can't even think about the "future" when Noah has joined his fur family.

I know I keep coming back to this - - but I think it is a very important thing to focus on during our grief journey. Society refers to living beings who have physically died with the past tense word "was." To me this is so insensitive and incorrect. The word "was" means that something, or someone, does not exist. How could this be accurate when our precious companions' sweet Living Spirit IS with us, which means that they DO exist!!! Since the bond of love is not confined to the physical laws of time and space, then neither is our relationship with our beloved companions. It is eternal - - regardless of their "physical" status. For me, I have to actively force myself to think of my beloved compainons in the present tense "is" and "are" so that they do not become a "distant memory" of unimportant events in my life. This is not denial - - it is simply adjusting to the temporary change in our relationship of physical separation while keeping their sweet Living Spirit always with me in my heart and memory.

Donna, I hope you will find some encouragement and perhaps some "inspiration" in what I have shared with you - - something, somehow that you can think of as being useful in your grief journey. My friend, you are in my thoughts and prayers frequently every day, and I hope you can feel my friendship reaching across the cyber miles to you. I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Donna,
I first would like to say that I am deeply sorry your loss. I have read through your posts and I can feel the pain in your heart and I just wanted to say that I understand. The picture you posted of Buck is so beautiful. I too like you feel such a loss when I lost my beloved Lukas and still struggle every day with losing him but people like yourself have helped me through this sad journey from your post and I too would like to be there for you. Please remember during this hard time that you have my support and my prayers are with you. I hope that each day that passes you will find and remember the good times that you have been blessed with having Buck in your life and always remember that our beloved pets will always be with us in spirit and we will be united with them once again.
My deepest condolences
MommyLuvsULukas

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke not a word.

I didn't ask for wealth or fame
I knew you would't mind.
I asked for priceless treasures rare
Of a more lasting kind.

I prayed that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessing fair,
And friends to share your way.

I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small
But that you'd know His loving care
I prayed the most of all.

Uknown Author


Donna, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you are doing well.

Take Care

Annette

Hi, Donna, just checking in with you to see how things are going. Last week I went to see my doctor. I have been having rashes all summer long. Just as one bout looked like it was clearing up another one would start. He looked at the rash and said that it looked stress related. He knows about my losing Oslo and Abbygayle so close together, and he knows my job is a HUGE stressor for me. So he gave me an anti-depressant. I tried taking it but it puts me right out - - I mean I am really out of it. I can't take it and wake up and function - - much less drive a car to work. So, I can't take the medication. I, too, have had the tight chest, etc., and I know it's from so much sadness and loss and other things I have absolutely no control over.

And yes, I do feel better when I cry - - when I let it out, but when there are so many things contributing to the "raw nerves" that overwhelms the body, the body finds its own way to deal with it. For me it has been a summer of rashes.

I do so hope that your test results come out okay, my friend. Please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, Donna, and that I look forward to hearing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you, Moonbeam. Thanks for sharing about the things you've suffered with this summer too. It's scary how the body can handle or mishandle stress. I will let you know just as soon as I hear something. I don't know why it's taking so long.
On another note, we got Buck's and Niles' peonies planted last night next to Frasier's. I so hope they do ok. Frasier's is looking a little stressed because it's been so dry here lately. I hope they will all do well. Won't know until next spring.
Thank you for checking in on me. Again, I will let you know as soon as I hear something. I hope your rashes clear up. I hope for all of us that we'll have some peace soon.
-Donna