Dear Donna, Buck and family:

A year ago my sister's dog, Mac (whom was also my "second" dog) went into renal failure. They were giving him subcutaneous IV's in his back to keep him hydrated. He wouldn't eat or drink for 4 days. The vet said he was probably feeling feverish and very nauseous. I had to help carry him outside to pee. Finally, my niece and I said that we needed to give him his dignity back and put him down. It would have been cruel to let him just waste away, knowing that inside he may not have been in a lot of pain, but was feeling very lousy. Bluntly, when it's time it's time. You need to think hard, lovingly, fast and without remorse. All the "what if's" have to be going thru your head. You hold Buck's fate in your hand's. Sometimes more than letting nature take it's course. You're gonna have regrets no matter what. They are just feelings which are precursors to the feelings that come after all is said and done.

As I said, on Kota's last day, I took her swimming and got her a taco at Taco Bell. She still loved to sniff around, eat, swim. But on her last night, she kept trying to get up and falling over. I knew she was in pain but I couldn't imagine saying goodbye to her. I'd still cut off my legs just to be able to see her one more day. Someone here talked about the anticipatory grief, which can paralyze you. I hate to see you, your husband and Buck suffer. Give Buck his dignity and do what you need to, whatever the decision. You are all suffering right now, and that suffering will continue on for you and your husband, after Buck is gone. I know you want to scream, "I don't know what to do!" But it's time to make a decision, mainly for Buck's sake. It sounds like his time is coming and you don't want to have guilt or remorse that he was suffering during his last days before his final journey. Please try to be aware of all that is going on in Buck's heart and in his body. I'm being blunt in saying that you can't fend off the inevitable. I'm still at the point where I wished they had euthanzied me along with Kota so we could be together. Being a month without her, I still go to bed not wanting to wake up to the nightmarish reality of being alone now. For dear Buck's sake, don't use your husband's new job as an excuse to avoid the situation. I support you in whatever you do...please allow Buck his dignity in his final days. Peace to you and Buck.

Dennis

So....here it is.
Our first plan this evening was to call the vet this evening and ask if he would be able to come to our home tomorrow night and put Buck to sleep. And as we were sitting outside with Buck discussing this, Buck looked so relaxed and content on the grass listening to the birds and taking in the fresh air. And our decision started to fade......how could we rob him of his obvious pleasure and contentment? He's still able to get up on his own (needs help if on a slippery surface), he still smiles when you approach him, and wags his tail. He's not quite ready. He's tired but not ready. Then we began to heatedly discuss the details of waiting to call the vet, blah blah blah, not fair to me, blah blah, will we look back & regret, blah, don't want to bother the vet at home, why not, blah blah blah!!!!! I backed off and gave my hsb some time to think.
I made one last plea & that was if the vet still says try the fluids, then waiting until tomorrow to talk to him would be losing another day since I couldn't come home & get him.
(I haven't made a long story short, have I? sorry) Finally, he called him and described what's going on. The vet still says he thinks given Buck's success in the past, his will to live, and the fact that he isn't in a coma at this point that we should try the fluids. When I conveyed through my hsb my concern about him stressing while there, he said we will take it one day at a time. We will check his levels first thing & then again at the end of the day. If Buck has stressed during the day and if his numbers haven't budged, then we won't finish the 3 day flush. I think that is fair. I hope ya'll do too. He also said to not give him anymore antibiotics because he thinks it could be contributing to his lack of appetite. I'm so glad of that. I hated giving him those antibiotics.
I'm ok because I have it set in my head that I can stop this after one day. Tomorrow is supposed to be especially hot here and at least he will be in air conditioning the whole time. They all love Buck since some of them worked there when I did & they knew him way back then. He will be in the operatory with everyone and not in the loud kennel. He will be geographically closer to me in case anything goes wrong. So, that's it. I'm comfortable with this decision. I know we are hoping to only buy a little more time. But, like I said, my gut feeling is that he's just not ready yet. Tired, yes. But not ready to leave his daddy. I hope y'all will understand as many of you said not to try the fluids. I know myself well enough to know that I will later be eat up with guilt for not trying. If Buck were stumbling around and going to the bathroom on himself, I wouldn't dare try the fluids. But instead he's enjoying just a little doggie ice cream right now. I can't stop that yet.
-Donna

Donna,

Sounds good to me. You MADE a decision, taking into account all the options and variables, and in Buck's best interest. I hope each day you spend with him, you can be present with his beating heart and your love for each other. In this moment you have a special gift.

Dennis

Donna--

That sounds like a very reasonable plan. As Dennis said, you got down and made a choice, with the vet's input, and now you know the direction in which you are going to move. Good for you. I'll hold out big hopes that Buck responds well to treatment and ends up living considerably longer because of it!

Hugs--Margi

Dearest Donna, I am so sorry for the pain you are going through, you are having to make those dreaded decisions that we all hope we will never have to make, but rarely avoid. I love Buck's post sprinkler picture, I can understand how you want to keep him with you for as long as you can, it is the most difficult thing in the world to let go of something you love with all your heart and soul. I remember when you lost Frasier and Niles, my heart went out to you then as it does again now. I am sending prayers and love across the miles to you, your husband and Buck. xx

madi xx

Dennis, Margi, Madi, thank you so much for your support. I'm going to bed early tonight as tomorrow will be a long day. I'll let you all know what happens at the vet as soon as I know something. Buck's in our bed right now. He hasn't really napped at all today so he needs to sleep too. Thank you.
-Donna

Donna,

Sounds like a good plan to me. You have really thought this thru and you feel it's best to try the fluids and you know best. I understand that you would feel guilty if you don't try.

I will say an extra special pray for you and Buck tonight.

Dear Donna
I just got up and saw your posting. I'm so glad that you have made your decision with your vets input. Buck is still enjoying himself in the sprinkler and he doesn't appear to be suffering so I totally agree with what you have all decided for him.
I will be sending my love and prayers across the miles that seperate us, and thinking of you all.
Big hug for Buck.
Love Jan and Pixie and my Angels xx

I hope Buck is feeling comfortable this morning and he has some quality time ahead of him with you.

x

Hi Donna,

I just wanted to let you know that you and Buck are in my thoughts. As you know, I had my doubts about the fluids with Shelby, and if Dr K would have recommend them, I too would have made the decision to try. Sometimes it is best to listen to the vet, after all they are the professionals. I believe you made the right decision to give the fluids a try. If you did not, I think you would have done the "what if's". You have followed your heart and God has guided you. My case was different from yours, Buck still shows a will to live, where I feel Shelby was not in the same place. I feel the anemia, the colon issue, CRF and finally the fluid on the chest, would have been just too much for her to battle. If there was some kind of chance to make her better, we would have done it. I would have taken any additional time I could have had with her, as long as I could she she had some light in her eyes and some enjoyment out of life - which it sounds like Buck still has.

I know it will be a long day for you, but try to relax. I am praying that Buck's numbers will go done. I know from the CRF site I was on they all recommend the IV fluids. so keep the faith that they will help Buck like they have done before.

Karen

Again, thank you to everyone for your wonderful support. I feel your hugs through the computer. I dropped Buck off this morning and he seemed ok - nervous but ok. I can still smell him on my scrubs. I'm at work but barely holding it together. I've warned my co-workers that I don't know how long I'll last. I'll keep you posted.
-Donna

Thanks for the update Donna. I'm sure your work colleagues will understand and will help in any way they can. Buck is not alone and he's being treated and cared for. From what you said they sound great vets, and they know and admire your Buck for his fighting spirit, I'm sure he will be getting the best possible care.
Hope the day at work passes quickly for you. Thinking of you, your husband and dear Buck .
Love and hugs Jan xx

Just spoke to the vet's office. I wanted to know what his levels were this morning because I had asked them to check again before we started the fluids instead of just going by friday's numbers. I'm glad I asked them to do that because his numbers had gone up over the weekend by 30 points. I honestly now don't know why we're even trying fluids. I don't know why Buck is still functioning at any level! I feel sick to my stomach. My precious baby is leaving me.
-Donna

Donna-

I am so, so sorry. At least Buck is in air conditioning today, and hopefully he will be "okay" when you pick him up. Take off from work early, and maybe you don't need to try this again tomorrow. I know how hard it must be to be at work while all this is going on. I think you should get majorly sick, like the flu or pneumonia, and take the rest of the week off. As I said yesterday, work will always be there, but Buck won't. He needs you.

Again, I am so sorry that his numbers had gone up. He's a fighter, just like Ladywolf is...was...

Big Hugs--Margi

Hi, Donna, just getting caught up on all the posts from last night and this morning. I don't leave my computer turned on 24 /7. I know this has been very difficult for you. I, like the others, support your decision to go one day at a time with Buck's fluids. Give it a try - - it could help him feel better. Don't go by the numbers only - - go by what Buck is showing and telling you, okay? I agree - - he's not ready. Tired, yes. Not feeling like a spring chicken for sure, but he's not ready to leave you yet. Yes, he could crash in an instant's time - - but so could any of us. None of us know our "appointed" time, Donna - - so don't feel upset about giving Buck fluids today. The hospice philosophy is "comfort measures." If fluids will help keep Buck comfortable until his "appointed time" occurs, then you have everything to be glad about that you did this for him, and nothing to feel guilty about.

I truly am sorry you are having to go through this so very soon after losing Niles. I do so know how you're feeling because I have felt the same way with Oslo and Abbygayle. Please know you and your precious Buck are in my thoughts and prayers, Donna, and will look forward to sharing your news on how Buck has done today, and how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you, ladies. I need all the patting on the back I can get right now. Margi, I would leave early but I can't pick him up until between 5:30-6:00 because they need all the time they can get to run the fluids. I don't want to go over there and upset him by being there & not getting him out of the cage. I remember when I worked there, we hated when people would come to sit with their pets because it agitated the pets so much. I don't want to be that owner! They understand & would let me do it but I don't think it is best for Buck. He needs to remain calm. So I wait and wait and wait. I just want him home with his daddy. And that's all Buck wants too. I love him so much.
-Donna

Donna
I'm so sorry I know how hard this is. I don't know what else to say but just wish things were easier for you.

Then try to relax a little, honey. There's nothing you can do until later, so work very very hard today to take your mind off things! Later, you'll know more, and can decide what to do about tomorrow.

Yes, I know how much you love him. And we've all come to love Buck too, so he has a lot of people pulling for him all over the world right now. How amazing is that?! We're tracking him from Arizona and Australia and the UK and the east coast and everywhere, saying our prayers. How lucky for us that this Forum exists, and we all found it!

Try to relax a little if you can. Buck is in good hands today.

Big big hugs-

Margi and Angelwolf

It's 6:49 p.m. Buck will be put to sleep between 8-9 p.m. tonight. Please pray for us as we try to survive these next 2 hours. That's all I can say right now.
-Donna

Oh, Donna. I'm so, so sorry. But please know that you did EVERYTHING you could for your baby. It is out of your hands now.

You are in my thoughts and prayers through this tough, tough time.

Cheryl

Dear Donna

I am so, so, very sorry. I'm sending love and hugs and prayers for you all. You have done everything possible always with love and always with your precious Bucks best interest at heart.
Love Jan and My Angels and Pixie xx

Awwwww, Donna. I am so so very sorry. SO sorry. It's been a long tough road you've been on, and you obviously HAVE done everything possible to keep Buck alive and happy. The signs were there, but the path wasn't clear until now. I'm just so $%#ed sorry!!!

Come back whenever you can bear to. We'll be here...

Biggest of hugs--

Margi and Spiritwolf

Dear Donna and family (I don't even know your husbands name)

I spoke with Ladywolf today thur Skype (a computer chat download). We talked about Buck. One month ago to this day I held Kota in my arms, in the back of my Subaru, while the vet put her to sleep. I cried today for Kota and for Buck. By the time you get this, I'm guessing you may have done the same thing. You are probably now in disbelief and shock. Be however you want to be. See my new posting for Buck.

Dennis