My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Today is a very hard day. It is Sunday and is very likely the last weekend I will have with my beautiful baby girl, Abbygayle. For those who may not already know, I started posting about my beautiful kitty daughter in the Pet Illness Forum. About 2 weeks ago she very quickly declined to not eating. Over the last 2 weeks I have had her into the vet twice on "emergency" visits where she was given subQ fluids and medication to help stimulate her appetite - - thinking at first that maybe the pain meds had suppressed her appetite. She has been on very mild pain meds since January but I know they can change the way food tastes and smells, and can make digestion quite unappealing. The last visit was Tuesday, March 9. Another vet in the practice saw her as Tuesdays are our regular vet's day off. The vet took a couple of x-rays which showed NO invasion of the Fibrosarcoma into her bones - - anywhere, and her vital organs looked well within normal limits. On Friday, March 5, Abbygayle's first "emergency" visit, her regular vet did a BUN test for kidney function which all results were well within all normal ranges.
My beautiful baby girl is not a happy camper. I am syringe feeding her to try to keep her from going into crisis so that we can have this last weekend together. But I am prepared to take her the ER vet today if she goes into seizure for some reason.
My precious Noah, Abbygayle's sibling brother, is trying his best to keep our little household together, but he will be the sole furchild survior in a household that has gone from 4 furkids to just him within a 39 month time frame. I love him dearly. He is bright and mischievous - - makes me laugh even in times of complete exasperation from his antics sometimes. Abbygayle is my baby cuddles girl. She has loved being held and cuddled since day one. Noah will let me hold him but just so long - - a typcal boy child who can tolerate mommy's "mushy stuff" just so long. Abbygayle on the other hand will let me hold her in my arms for as long as we both need a hug and cuddle. The pending reality of not being able to hold her in my arms again is just ripping apart my heart and spirit to the unbearable breaking point.
I have an appoitnment for her with her regular vet PCP tomorrow afternoon for an updated evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. I am hoping the vet can help me keep her comfortable through Wednesday afternoon so that I can take her in Wednesday evening for the procedure, bring her home to Noah, wrap her precious body, and return her to the vet on Thursday morning for cremation. I had scheduled to have Thursday off from work for a dental appointment, but I will cancel the dental appointment and still take Thursday off from work. If the vet cannot find anything definitive tomorrow that would help me better understand what has caused this sudden loss of appetite and snowballing failure, I may request that she do a necropsy before Abbygayle is cremated and returned to me.
Needless to say, my friends, I am in quite a sorrowful state. I can hardly see to type this through my tears, so I hope this makes some sense to you as you read through it. I ask that you please keep my precious Abbygayle and Noah in your thoughts and prayers, and I will let you know what happens as soon as I can. And please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers knowing that you are carrying your own burdens of grief and sorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Moon_Beam

How sad for you. I have been thinking about Abbygale since you first posted, and hoping and praying for her.
Please know that my thoughts are with you and your darling furbabies Abbygayle and Noah. Abbygayle knows how much she is loved and cherished.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Moon beam, I am so so sorry. I wish we could hold each other's hands right now. We are in the same situation even down to me being off from work on Thursday this week. Ironically, I work for a dental office!
I'll keep breathing in deep if you promise to.
My baby Niles has dropped to a dangerously low weight. We've been giving SQ fluids and syringe-feeding him. He occassionally eats a treat on his own but has lost interest in food. His last appointment was last Tuesday as well. My regular vet is now on vacation for 2 weeks and I don't know the vet filling in for him. (I used to work for my vet) I don't want someone I don't know to put him to sleep but I don't think we're going to make it until his regular dr. gets back. I'm watching for signs that it's time but I just don't know. I don't want to go too long but I don't want to give up on him either. I know from his brother's death last August that I will feel guilty no matter how it happens or when it happens. I don't feel like I can function.
I hope that Abbygayle will hold out until it is the best time for you to be with her through this. The stress of needing to be at work and needing to be with her is taking it's toll, I'm sure. I know it is for me. I'm just so confused with all the conflicting information in my head.
I will keep the two of you in my prayers. I'm so sorry for you. It makes me cry to think that someone else is going through the same pain I am. I hope that this will happen peacefully for both of us.
-Donna

Dear Donna

I am thinking and praying for you and your darling furbaby Niles.

Love and hugs

jan and my Angels and Pixie.

MoonBeam & Donna....

Some posts here just tear me up and bring to the surface the loss of my cat in 2005 and then my precious Flossie in 2008.

Baby & Flossie were the two most difficult journeys for me so far. Both had sort of special needs and I am glad I was the one who could provide that for them. Baby was at least 15 and Flossie was 17+ so I know I did a pretty good job but their loss was difficult. All losses are difficult but these two depended on me for a very long time. I hope I did not fail them in the decisions I made for them.

I hold you both in my thoughts & prayers along with Abby & Niles.

Ginger

Dear Jan, Donna, and Ginger, thank you so much for your comforting thoughts and prayers. As I was starting to write Abbygayle was stretched out on a carpet covered bench in front of the big basement double doors looking out at the birds and squirrels. I have one side of the double doors open and gated off so that Noah and Abbygayle can get some fresh air in their lungs with temperatures in the low 60's here in the Blue Ridge Mountain region of Virginia - - a preview to spring - - a spring that will empty without my beautiful Abbygayle and my handsome Black Lab Oslo - - who joined the angels 4 months ago come March 29. A spring that will see my little boy Noah as an only child for the first time in his 6.5 years of life, a life that has been devoted to the care of his baby sister. And in just the few minutes in typing to you she is curled up on the double bed at the foot of my bed trying to rest. Ordinarily she would be curled up next to me and Noah, but she has been physically separating herself from her "family pack" in preparation for her departure from us. I put the double bed at the foot of my bed for Oslo which he thoroughly enjoyed through the years.

Donna, thank you so much for sharing with me about your precious Niles. I share your concerns about not wanting your precious Niles to pass at the hands of a stranger, as I have had the same fears for my Abbygayle - - having to take her to the ER vet. Even though I know that the ER vet would be as compassionate as possible under the circumstances, he / she would still not have the "history" and emotional connection with her, and I know that she would be frightened in an unfamiliar place and unfamiliar people tending to her. I do hope and pray with all my heart that you will find comfort in your heart as you make decisions for your precious Niles and in whatever circumstances are presented.

Thank you again, Jan, Donna, and Ginger, for your most kind and comforting thoughts and prayers. I know I can't travel this journey alone. Thank you for sharing it with me.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_beam
I am so sorry about Abbygayle. I know how hard these last days are and all the wondering if what we're doing is the right thing. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
sharon

Hi Moon beam, I've just been reading your story and just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers also.

Donna, you and Niles are in my thoughts and prayers too.

It's an awful to go through, but both of your babies know how loved they are.


Irene

My dearest Lightning Strike Friends,
It is with a sorrowful heart that I share the news with you that Abbygayle joined the angels at approximately 3:55 p.m. today, Monday, March 15, 2010, under the loving supervision of her primary care physician, Dr. Sonia Bolen. It was increasingly clear to me through the night last night and this morning as I was giving her some fluids through the feeding syringe that she was ready. I had made an appointment for her for this afternoon for a status evaluation and to discuss euthanasia. Just during this past week since last Tuesday when she saw Dr. Neal she had lost close to another pound. I couldn't let her starve to death. I also noticed last night that she was limping on her left hind leg now, something she had not been doing - - or had been hiding from me until she could no longer do it. She was very uncomfortable with my holding her - - just couldn't tolerate the hugs. So, Dr. Bolen eased Abbygayle's journey to heaven's perfect garden today.

I brought her home - - one last time - - for Noah to pay his respects, and he has been doing so quite lovingly - - as he always has been with his baby sister. I will return her to the vet tomorrow after I get home from work for cremation with her ashes to be returned to me. They did her pawprint today - - one for the vet practice and one for me.

This is really hard, but I wanted to share the news with you. Please understand if I don't respond to your posts for a couple of days - - I promise you your comforting words and thoughts are most sincerely appreciated. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh moon beam,

I am so very sorry, my heart goes out to you....I am thinking of you and your dear sweet baby Abbygayle.

BullyMama

Dear Moon_Beam,
Having just gone through this myself a few days ago with my beloved Westie, Charlie, I can certainly emphathize with your feelings. That you could have the presence of mind to post such a beautiful message within hours of Abbygayle's death is is a true testament to your strength and the love you had for your sweet kitty. She is at peace now and no longer suffering. Take comfort in that, when and if you can, and come back on when you feel up to it and let us know how're you're doing.

Blessings,

Barbara

MoonBeam......

I understand completely what sadness you feel while knowing the decision was made out of complete love for Abbygale. She had a wonderful loving home.

I still feel that sadness and knowing full well the choice I made was right for my Flossie from time to time. I also doubt myself at times.

Now you begin moonbeams journey..... and Noah also has a journey ahead without his companion but both of you will be in good company and often feel Abby as she is watching over you.

Thinking of you today...............

Moonbeam I am so sorry to read your latest post. Take comfort that Abbygale is in no more pain, she will be watchinh over you now. She knew how loved she was. Take care.

Irene

Moonbeam, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you because I know your heart is broken. I know that memories are painful right now but I do hope that they will be comforting to remember later on. I'm still trying to get to that place with memories of Frasier.
I just ache for you and my prayers go out to you. I prayed for Abbygayle on Sunday that her passing would be peaceful for you and her. I just hate that they have to go!
-Donna

Dear Moon_beam

I am thinking of you and your darling Angel Abbygayle. My heart goes out to you as I know your's is broken, but Abbygayle knows how much she's loved and cherished and she will be watching over her Mum from a place where she is healed and well again.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dear Jan, Flossie's Mom, Barbara, Irene, BullyMama, Donna, Sharon, Ginger, and all dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Thank you so much for your loving, comforting thoughts and prayers. I cannot believe it has already been 27 hours now since my precious baby girl joined the angels. Having her here last night for Noah - - and me - - was very comforting. I took her back to the vet after I got home from work today and will have her ashes back the week of March 29. I got her pawprint today. She always used to enjoy being brushed. She had long, thick, plush beautiful grey fur, and I used a soft tine brush on her to get down through the layers. But the last month she wasn't able to tolerate it, and her fur did begin to look bedraggled. So, last night I was able to give her a good brushing and have saved her fur in a little plastic baggie. There is plenty more of it throughout the house where she was shedding, and I plan on saving that as well. Noah is actively seeking rubs and hugs from me - - which is just what we both need. He has been such a super kitty brother and I am so very proud of him - - which I tell him frequently.
Both Noah and Abbygayle were rescued by a couple of co-workers in May 2003. Neither of them could adopt the little furbabies, so they asked me if I would. Noah was fine, but Abbygayle was actively dying from horrible flea, tick, and maggot infestation. Noah was rescued first because they could get ahold of him, and a few days later they were able to get ahold of his sister because she was then too weak to run from them. Noah was always her caregiver - - he groomed her and made sure that she had the "lion's share" of food. Noah joined this little household first, and after intensive medical care totally incurred by my co-workers, Abbygayle came a couple of weeks later. Her immune system was already severely compromised, and that I believe is one of the reasons why the cancer took such ahold of her with a vengence. We had 6 years and 10 months together, 9 of those last months due to the valiant efforts of her PCP to help me give her a good quality of life. Noah settled into his new home nicely and bonded instantly with his big adopted kitty brother, Eli, and soon realized that his big doggy brother Oslo was just a big loveable "kittycat". But the evening when my co-workers brought his sister here, and Noah saw her - - his eyes and entire body lit up like a Christmas tree. He was SO O O O happy to see his baby sister again, and after my co-workers left, he gave his baby sister a tour of her new home - - both upstairs and here in the basement living quarters - - which is our primary living space. And they were basically inseparable for the rest of their lives together - - until now.
These last several months I have had to gate off the basement steps to the upstairs so that Abbygayle did not stress her hip and leg going up and down the steps - - which greatly restricted Noah's space as well. They both enjoyed going upstairs to explore and have some "separate space" to take a nap - - usually in the upstairs master bedroom. And when friends and family would come by to visit Noah would come upstairs to visit for a little bit and then would come back downstairs to be with his baby sister - - who hid from everyone who came to visit. She would only reappear for me after everyone had left.
She was and will always be a very special joy of my life, and I am so honored to have been her human guardian during her very brief journey on this side of eternity. It does console me to know that she is now healed in the Presence of our Heavenly Father Creator - - no more cancer, no more pain - - and is frolicking in the warm sunshine of heaven's perfect garden with Eli and Oslo, and each of your precious fur babies. But I must confess it's going to take awhile for me to work through this painful grief - - not just for me but for Noah as well for his loss is deep as well. After I got home from the vet I removed the gate from the basement steps so that Noah can now go back upstairs to visit the places that he shared with both Eli and his sister. He has been upstairs a couple of times, but he is cuddled next to me as I'm writing to you, which is comforting for me to feel his sweet little body snuggled next to me.
Thank you, each of you, for sharing my baby girl with me, and for being here for me. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon_beam,
I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no doubt in my heart that Abbygale is now in a much better place. She is no longer in pain but i'm sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. I will keep you, Abbygale, and Noah in my thoughts and prayers. You were a very good mom to her and I know she appreciates every ounce of love you gave her. Take care.

Hugs,
hopelessheart

Moonbeam, what a sweet, sweet story. I love Noah and I don't even know him! He was quite a brother and I'm sure will be a comfort to you. You still have a piece of Abbygayle with you as long as you have him.
I think that is what makes losing Niles even more painful because I feel like I'm losing Frasier all over again.
What sweet babies we have! Nothing is more peaceful than their warm little bodies nestled against ours. I'm glad Noah is working hard to help you in that way.
My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

Moon Beam,
I am so sorry for what you are having to endure, I don't wish it upon anyone! It is so tough having to watch your children get weak, sick & die. I can only hope that they really are in a better place where they can run free, purr and be what they once were in their youthful lives. I wish Noah well and you especially going through these turbulent times. Thinking of you!

Nutmeg & Nutmeg's Mama

Hi, hopelessheart, Donna, and Nutmeg, thank you so much for your comforting words and thoughts. Noah is a special baby boy, and I am so glad that he is here with me, and honored to be his human guardian. I am taking tomorrow off from work as was planned 6 months ago when I made an appointment for a routine dental check up. I canceled my dentist appointment and am just going to spend the day with my Noah. We need this "dedicated time" together. I thank each and everyone for your caring comforting thoughts and prayers. I am hoping to be able to figure out how to post pictures on this forum to share with you. I'm not really "technically literate" but I really want to share some pictures with you. I hope maybe I can do this in the next few days as my mind becomes a bit clearer. Life right now is kind of on the numb side. Please know each of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My dear Lightning Strike Friends, it is hard to believe that it is Saturday evening. Five days have passed since my precious Abbygayle joined the angels, and this is the first weekend without her. It has been a very hard day. The weather is spring like here in the Blue Ridge region of Virginia. Temperatures in the low 70's, bright sunshine, calm wind. Perfect weather to be outside raking leaves and enjoying the calls of the birds and squirrels as they busily repair and build their nests for this new season of growth and birth. Yes, I worked outside raking and bagging leaves, but my heart was heavy with deep sorrow. These leaves are the last ones that my precious Oslo walked through - - and how he enjoyed shuffling his feet through the leaves. From this point forward all other leaves will be - - just leaves. Noah had a chance to get outside on his tether - - the first time since last October when he and Abbygayle were able to enjoy an early autumn day after her recovery from her second tumor surgery. He kept me company while I raked and bagged the leaves, explored places that he visited with his big kitty brother Eli and his baby sister, but his heart was not happy. He would go inside the house and lay down just inside the door to keep vigil over me. It is just so hard to believe that this little household has diminished so rapidly from the company of 4 furkids to one within 39 months. And I know Noah was not prepared to be the sole furchild survivor within a 39 month time frame. He is such a precious little soul and I am so blessed to have him. My heart is breaking as much for him as it is for me. We are comforting one another - - we both need lots of hugs and rubs, and Noah cuddles with me through the night. Please keep my little Noah in your thoughts and prayers. He is such a sweet little fella, and he is now a very sad little boy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moonbeam, your story is sweet and sad at the same time. I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. All of the "firsts" are so hard. It seems silly sometimes, the things I say to myself about "this is the first time I've done this or that since Frasier or Niles died." Or "the last time I did this, they were alive." I know what you mean about the leaves just being leaves. It's like the things they touched or knew are special but the things they didn't know about just don't matter.
This afternoon I told my husband, we didn't have Niles today. We had him yesterday. He doesn't know about this day or any of the others to come. Thankfully, those thoughts do subside with time. I can't believe you lost so many in such a short amount of time. Our dog Buck will probably not make it until next year given his age (he's 11) and his own physical problems. We pray he will be stable at least until his birthday in November. I want so badly for him to make it to 12 but only if it's a healthy and strong 12. We need a little break, you know? I need some time to breathe. When I can breathe again, that is.
I feel really bad for Noah too. He's obviously a very special little boy and I know you worry about him. Do you think you will get more babies? It took Niles a little time to understand that Frasier wasn't in the house anymore. But when he did, we noticed he would look for him. He kept searching. That's when we both noticed a sadness that came over him. We knew he was lonely but we didn't think it would be wise to bring another cat into the house. I was afraid it might backfire and send him over the edge. He went over the edge anyway, of course. I don't think his broken heart killed him but I believe it started something. And it is ironic that it was actually heart failure that took him.
I will pray for you and Noah. I know the loneliness and emptiness you feel. I know the painful quiet of your home.
(Please read my reply to you on my post) I just appreciate your support so much!
-Donna

Dear Donna, thank you so much for your comforting words. I do so hope and pray that you will be able to have Buck's loving presence with you for quite awhile yet. My Oslo's birthday was in November, too - - November 15. He made it to his 15th birthday last year, and then two weeks later- - exactly to the day - - he had the stroke which ended our life's journey on this side of eternity. I do so know what you mean about "needing a break." Over the last three years I have thought about getting another companion for Noah - - a brother that he can pal around with and rough and tumble with. Unfortunately, finances have been a bit tight so I wasn't able to do that until recently. However, Fibrosarcoma is genetic, and consequently our vet has stopped Noah's annual vaccinations with the understanding that he would not be subjected to any other cats. The theory is that, although the vaccinations are normally okay, they are still made from the viruses that are being vaccinated against, which is supposed to build up the immune system. But since there is a genetic predisposition for cancer, the vaccinations can actually suppress the immune system making it more suspectible for the cancer to occur. So, - - with this in mind, it's going to be awhile before we're both ready to embrace another household member, but I would eventually like to talk to our vet about the safety of Noah having an adopted kitty sibling for company. I know that his heart was terribly broken when Eli died, but he still had his baby sister. So, yes, I am very concerned about how all this loss is going to affect him emotionally. The good news is that he is eating well and trying to actively participate in our household routines. But he cannot completely hide the sorrowful and lonlely expressions he gets sometimes on his sweet little face and that completley takes over his little body sometimes. And I do so know what you mean about wishing that little bird would shut up. Normally hearing the birds and squirrels chitter and sing are comforting to me and make me smile, but I must confess I would be just as happy if all of Nature were completely silent this spring. But I guess it's all part of the "reality" that "life goes on" - - and that as "life goes on" we will find renewed hope and strength. Donna, thank you so much for your comforting thoughts and words. They mean a lot to me, particularly in your time of deep grief as well. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

moon beam,

How are you doing? I know it has been a short time since Abbygayle passed but I do hope things are just a little better for you. I am sad for sweet Noah and it breaks my heart to know he has lost his all his 'fur siblings' in such a short time. I see how difficult it is for them to loose their 'brothers or sisters'...my youngest dog, Hannah, is still showing visible signs of how loosing Maggie is affecting her.

Thank your for sharing you leaf raking story, while I am sad for you, I understand. Moments like these seem to be the most difficult.

"From this point forward all other leaves will be - - just leaves." I feel for you sweetie, in time I do hope you may find some comfort in all of the leaves that will fall and need to be raked. I know this will always remind you of a furry baby that you loved with all your heart, but try to view the leaves as precious reminders of Oslo by recalling how much he loved to shuffle through them on the ground. Right now it may not make sense and I don't mean to come off as being ignorant to your thoughts or feelings...because I sincerely hope in time when the leaves fall and as you shuffle through them a smile will come to your face and that the memories this brings will warm your heart.

*hugs to you & Noah*

BullyMama

Hi, BullyMama, thank you so much for your comforting shoulder. It's definitely one day at a time here. Noah and I are sharing as many cuddles and hugs as he can handle, and he sleeps with me just about every night. The comfort of his sweet little body next to me means a lot to me. I must confess right now I really feel shell-shocked - - existing on automatic pilot - - doing things that need to be done like pay bills, go to work, etc., but not really "connected" - - don't know if this makes any sense. The only things that make any sense to me right now are my Noah and coming here to this wonderful forum. Hope does spring eternal, and perhaps in time you will be right about the leaves. "To every season there is a purpose under heaven." Thank you for reminding me, BullyMama. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and thank you for checking in on me. Please know you are in my thought and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
As promised I am attaching some photos of my beautiful baby girl, Abbygayle. Her first and middle names are Abbygayle Rayah which together mean "Cherished of God and Companion." She was my sweet, precious baby girl - - truly a gift and an answer to a prayer. I do so hope you will enjoy looking at these pictures.

The first two pictures are of my baby girl taken during the summer of 2007 when she was enjoying some time outside on her tether getting some fresh air in her lungs and some sunshine on her face:




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The last picture is of Abbygayle with her brother, Noah, taking a nap on the sofa here in the basement living quarters; they were never far from each other during their entire lives together:


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I have posted a picture of Oslo in his topic for those who would like to see my very distinguished gentleman. Thank you so much for sharing my furkids with me. It's still very hard but Noah and I are taking it one day at a time. I am trying to figure out a suitable memorial for her. I received a lovely sympathy card from our vet in this evening's mail. Please know each of you are always close in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh my gosh, Moonbeam! She was soooo beautiful! And so is Noah. I too have so many pictures of Niles and Frasier together like Noah and Abbygayle were. (See my new avatar pic)
I just love gray cats. They're so regal!
-Donna

Hi, Donna,
Thank you so much. She is my beautiful baby girl. Noah is my precious sweet little boy - - he is such a sweet natured little fella. And now each of you can see it for yourselves. I do so know what you mean about keeping busy and being comforted that Niles is now with his brother Frasier. Knowing that my baby girl no longer has cancer invading her body is comforting, and I know that she is happy in heaven's perfect garden. Thank you so much for sharing my fur babies with me, Donna, and please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Another absolutely beautiful child you had! You have truly been blessed with such wonderful companions moon_beam.

Now Noah has you all to himself during a time that you need each other so much.

Thanks for the pictures of Oslo and Abbygale & Noah...........................

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers.

Ginger

Hi, Ginger, thank you again so much for your comforting thoughts and words, and all of my dear Lightning Strike friends - - everyone here in this wonderful forum. It is hard to believe that Monday, the 29th, will be exactly 4 months since Oslo joined the angels, and today is 12 days since Abbygayle went to join him. Noah has the middle name of Terrence, and the two names combined mean "Provider of Comfort and Tender / Gently Formed." He has been this way with all of his adopted siblings and his baby sister, - - and with me. He had always taken on the role of "caregiver" seeing that everyone else's emotional needs were being met, and now he and I are giving each other comforting hugs and rubs and cuddles and snuggles - - as much as my little boy can handle at any given time. I do love this little tender hearted fella very much. Now that Abbygayle no longer needs to be confined to the basement, I took the gate down from the basement stairs so that Noah can have full run of the house again, and he is usually upstairs waiting for me to come through the inside garage door when I get home from work and errands. I'm thinking that I may try to encourage him to go with me sometimes on my errands - - just to have a ride in the car and not always associating a ride in the car to a ride to the vet. And I think having him get a "change of scenery" once in awhile might also help him in his grief recovery. And I'm hoping it will help us bond even closer together, if that's possible.

Thank you again so o o much, Ginger, and please know you and everyone here in this wonderful forum are close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My dear Lightning Strike Friends,
Today is exactly 2 weeks since my precious Abbygayle joined the angels. I picked up her ashes today at the vet, and they gave me a small basket of Easter goodies as well. I am glad to have my baby girl's ashes home, but I must confess there are still some very rough grief moments to get through. I'm trying to think of a suitable memorial for her, and usually in the past - - that has brought me comfort. But right now it's hard to think about it and try to make a decision. So, I haven't started anything yet. Her doctor sent me a very lovely, personal sympathy card which I will add to her scrapbook. I just wasn't prepared to have to be doing another "memorial" so soon after Oslo's memorial video, and certainly not at Abbygayle's young age of 6 years 10 months.
I must confess these past 4 months have been very hard on this little household. I thank each of you for your continued prayers. I am sincerely thankful for each of you, and please know each of you are close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, darlin' Moon Beam--

I just realized that I had never posted in your thread, and I am horrified to realize that! You've been so kind to me and so supportive, and I just wanted to say hi to you and Noah.

These past couple of weeks, I haven't been able to be here very much, what with Ladywolf deteriorating, and all the other things I have going on in my life. (Trying to find paid employment, since my teaching job dissolved!)

I love the idea of you taking a day off to spend with Noah--what a sweet concept!

Our hearts are with you, always--

Margi and Ladywolf

Moonbeam, I'm glad Abbygayle is back home with you. That must be of some comfort. We know that we will probably have to have Buck cremated when he passes because he is so big and it would be difficult to dig a grave to accomodate him. I don't like the idea of cremation because I can't stand the thought of anything happening to his body nor him being away from us. But I realize that is what we will probably do, though.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The last year & 3 months haven't been easy in our house either. It takes so much out of you. Do you feel like a light has gone off inside you? I feel that way. Hug your baby Abbygayle tonight. She's back home with you.
-Donna

Hi, Margi and Donna, thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. Margi, I do perfectly understand that you have needed to be focused on other more critical circumstances, so please do not feel the need to apologize for not posting sooner, okay?

Donna, yes - - you really hit the nail on the head. I do feel exactly like a light has burned out. Except for the moments of deep sadness and grief and savoring the company of my Noah and the comfort from each of you here, I just feel really numb. I know this is pretty much normal for everything that my little household has been through over the last 9 months or so, going back to last July when my precious girl was diagnosed with the cancer - - but it doesn't make it any easier to go through - - to get through.

I can understand your concerns about cremating Buck. The first furchild that I lost as an adult my mom and I buried in a pet cemetery where we were living at the time because we were living in an apartment, and the management would not have appreciated us digging a grave on the apartment grounds. It has been over 30 years now since that time, and I don't know if that cemetery is still in business. Since then I have cremated my furkids for practical reasons as well as emotional ones: Practical - - I'm not able to dig a grave myself and don't have anyone to do one for me. Emotional - - with cremation I will have their physical bodies with me (as every body eventually returns to the earth from which we are created), and I have provided for their "final resting" in my Will. Also, since I have moved a couple of times I am glad I have their ashes to move with me instead of having to leave them behind. There is a local "human" funeral service that has recently opened a cemetery for companion animals - - including cremation services, and eventually I will probably go visit it to see what it is like and to make "final burial arrangements" for my furkids' ashes after I am deceased - - whenever that event may happen, which as far as I know isn't on the near-term horizon. So, I hope in sharing my experiences with you that in some way it will be of help and comfort to you as you face the "decision" about your precious Buck.

Margi, are you looking for employment locally where you are living now? You had mentioned something in one of your posts about going back to California (?) after Ladywolf is no longer with you, so are you looking elsewhere? Margi, I do hope and pray that you are able to find suitable employment where you would like to be. I hope your jewelry making and your other creative talents are helping to bring in some cash flow for you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing with this, and definitely how your precious Ladywolf is doing.

Thank you, Margi and Donna, for your very thoughtful comfort. It means a lot to me - - more than words can say. Please know you - - and everyone in this wonderful forum -- are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Margi, are you looking for employment locally where you are living now? You had mentioned something in one of your posts about going back to California (?) after Ladywolf is no longer with you, so are you looking elsewhere? Margi, I do hope and pray that you are able to find suitable employment where you would like to be. I hope your jewelry making and your other creative talents are helping to bring in some cash flow for you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing with this, and definitely how your precious Ladywolf is doing.

Thank you, Margi and Donna, for your very thoughtful comfort. It means a lot to me - - more than words can say. Please know you - - and everyone in this wonderful forum -- are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
[/quote]

Hi again, Moon Beam--

I forgot to tell you how gorgeous Abbygayle looks to me--and how sweet your little Noah. How sad for both of you that she is gone now...

I'm not going to be able to really even think about a move back to CA. until after Ladywolf passes. This is a perfect place for her--I have a bitty little house way off the street, so she can roam around the property safely at will, and I have a very forgiving landlord who understands how difficult these financial times are for me--so I ALWAYS run late on my very modest rent. (Today I had to borrow $3 to put oil in my car--I have to do this kind of thing all the time--it's really getting old!)

So I'm still looking for employment in this area--tiny Oracle, AZ., where the school is practically the only employer of any size at all. Today I checked in with the community college that is 45 mins. away, and the man I spoke with was actually enthusiastic about me teaching an English 101 class right here in Oracle, in their community outreach program. I just have to get cleared by the faculty, because my M.A. is in Psychology, though my B.A. is in English. I'm also looking into working at the local "Y" camp this summer. Part of the problem is that I am--excuse me for my pride--OVERqualified for so many things around here, like working at Circle K or the Dollar Store. They just won't even consider me. When I applied a couple of years ago to be a police dispatcher, the police chief wanted to know, after looking at my application and education, if I was pulling his leg! Sigh...

I make some money off my jewelry and handmade glass beads, but nothing like I used to back in the golden days when people were consuming. I probably made more as a jeweler in 1968 than I did this past year. Actually, I know that I did!

So I limp along. If I can break into the community college circuit, that will be a big step forward, because then I can apply at any community college anywhere, and have a chance of getting hired. And it WOULD be nice to be working with motivated adults for a change, instead of bored manic kids!

Thank you for asking about my employment situation--I don't get to write about it very often. I once had a lot of money. A lot. It's been very humbling to become abjectly poor, but I sure have learned a lot about survival. Another issue for me is that my chronic depression, which is fairly well controlled right now with meds, prevents me from working full-time--I get too anxious and sad when locked into a regular 40 hour a week schedule, even WITH the meds.

Enjoy your adorable little Noah. I know how you feel, not knowing quite what to do at the end of a pet's life with his or her body. I'm alone too--but luckily, I've had several offers ahead of time of help in digging a grave for Ladywolf when the time comes. So I'll be burying her on a close friend's property. It will have to be a very large and deep hole--around here, we have to worry about coyotes raiding graves...

Yuck, I don't want to think about it right now.

I send you lots and lots of love!

Margi and the giant Wolf

Hi, Margi, thank you for letting me know how things are going for you, and Miss Ladywolf. I do so hope that things work out for you at the community college. Yeah, I've been in that "over qualified" category as well - - even at my "office slug" level. I don't have a college degree but have taken college courses, continuing education courses, and close to 40 years experience in paper shuffling. There are more days than not now when I truly feel like a "dinosaur" and am basically treated like one in the office. Financially-wise can't even think about retiring. Believe me, Margi, I do so know what it is like to be facing the prospects of becoming the next "homeless" statistic here in the US. I truly hope and pray that you find decent employment that will be what YOU want and will be rewarding for you.

Because of the severe trauma - - both physically and emotionally - - from the automobile collision in August 1985 I, too, can only work part-time. I struggle daily with PTSD and Survivor's Guilt - - both formally diagnosed by a professional counselor who helped me through the darkest time of my recovery and rehabilitation, and grieving the loss of my mom from her injuries. I do so know about panic attacks and how paralyzing they can be - - the hyperventilation - - the need to breathe and focus only on breathing until it passes. Another "blot" against me employment wise is that I'm the only "part-time" office slug in the office - - the job was advertised and hired to be "part time" - - but it's held against me because I won't "juggle" my hours to accommodate the other two full-time office employees. I found out the hard way with my employer that the more I "give" the more they want and expect , and I just don't have a lot physically or emotionally to give anymore in terms of job stress. So, I have to frequently stand my ground with my supervisor about not working "extended hours." And of course this is reflected in my annual evaluation. Oh well - - it's a job and a paycheck - - it has nothing to do with who I am. And I do thank God every day that my job is just part-time.

I do hope that Ladywolf is doing okay and that you both are being able to enjoy lots of quality time together. Thank you so much for your comforting thoughts, Margi. Please know that both you and Ladywolf are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how life is treating you both.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Ah, Moon Beam--

So much trauma we have both experienced. I am so sorry that these horrible things happened to you, I truly am.

My own mother committed suicide about the same time that your mom died, and I've never fully recovered from that either. Perhaps one never does...

Your response to me was so long and heart-filled, and mine is going to be so short tonight, relatively, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I am kind of distracted by my worry about the Wolf tonight, and I'm on a friend's computer that is dreadfully slow. But yes--I certainly know about the inability (and lack of desire!) to hold a full-time job. Yesterday I put in a fourteen hour day, from start of substitute teaching (6th grade--they're very "busy" at that age), to when I finally had to walk out on an intense evening of advanced CPR training (part of my First Responder course) before it was over because I was starting to crack up from total exhaustion.

I felt badly about it, but I just couldn't manage to stay. I can make it up later, so it doesn't really matter--but it just proves to me that I don't have the stamina that some other people do, especially not at almost 60... I actually started to cry, I was so stressed and tired...

Much love to you, my familiar!

Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

Hi Moonbeam. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you today. I know you miss your babies. Even though they don't understand holidays, the holidays are still hard for us. Just wanted to say hi.
-Donna

Hi, Donna, thank you so much for thinking of Noah and me today. It has been a bit of a rough one. This time last year we had both Oslo and Abbygayle with us in relatively good health. What a difference a year makes. Thank you so much for thinking of us today; it really means a lot to me. Please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My dear friends, I can't believe tomorrow, April 15, will be 30 days exactly since my beautiful baby girl joined the angels. This has been one of the longest months in my life. It seems to have gone by in a daze. The last couple of weeks I have started working on her memorial - - with Noah's help. He has been here by my side at the computer watching me work and plan and go back to the "drawing board."

I did an internet search on "scrapbooking" and came across a couple of ideas that I hadn't ever thought of before. One of them - - a memorial bookmark - - I'm doing. I found a good program on BookmarksGalore.com and have added that to my computer and have the bookmark pretty much finished in its design. Now all I need to do is print it out. I'm making enough for everyone at the vet office and other folks who I believe will appreciate it. And then I'm doing a memorial video / slide show of her brief life with a combination of narrative slides and pictures set to music. I still have some work to do on the slides but I think in the next couple of weeks I'll be able to start putting that together on my computer as well. And I'll make copies of it for everyone at the vet's office as well, like I did for Oslo.

It has been hard sometimes working on this but it has also helped me to stay focused on her life. There are still LOTS of difficult moments to get through. I think this past Sunday was the first Sunday that I hadn't spent most of the day in bed sobbing from sheer emotional exhaustion, which was good for my precious little Noah. He is such a sweet little fella, and I am so glad he is here with me.

I want you to know that I feel truly blessed to know each of you through this wonderful forum. Thank you so much for your genuine caring support and encouragement and comfort. Please know each of you are close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moonbeam, thank you for your reply on my post. You don't sound like a broken record! You're right, we need to be reminded and reminded and reminded. I think it's great that you have so many creative outlets to memorialize your babies. We've planted a peony for Frasier and have ordered Niles' peony. We have one picked out for Buck when we lose him. We also received a plant called a Winter Daphne in their memory from my mother-in-law. We planted that too. It's really weird because she didn't know anything about the name Daphne from the tv show, she just loved the way the plant smelled. She also didn't know that we had decided if we got another cat that it would be a girl and we would name her Daphne. (more about her later - not ready to tell her story yet) The whole thing was really strange. I also have been wearing an angel wing pendant on a chain since Frasier got sick. It comforts me and I kiss it sometimes when I'm thinking of them. After he died, I became obsessed with finding a piece of jewelry that would symbolize all three of them. And since they were born in the same month, I chose to go with their November birthstone. So, I found a set of 5 rings with one having their stone and I had "Precious Angels" engraved inside the band. I wear them to represent the 3 of them and my husband and myself because that is our whole family. And lastly, my husband gave me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas which has their initials engraved on it. I wear it every day. Little things, but they help.
Like I'm sure you feel, I just can't believe they're gone. They're not an active part of my life anymore. I don't want people to get to know me and not know about them. They weren't part of my life, they were part of me. They're memories now. I hate that most of all. Each day we get further and further away from when they were physically with us - you and me. I don't know how to not say I have a dog and 2 cats. That was our family. I can't say when people ask if I have pets that I used to have 2 cats and a dog but now I have a dog and another cat. That's crazy, who would care?
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your reply and to say how great I think it is that you're making all those things in their memory. Give Noah a big hug. I know he needs it. Thank you so much for your support and caring words. I've relied on them and those of the other people on this forum to survive. I couldn't have done it without y'all.
-Donna

Hi, Donna, thank you so much for your wonderful comfort and support. Oh, how well I understand what you mean about your furkids being your family for you and your husband. I'm the only human in my household, and when I write letters I include my furkdis' names along with mine in the signature and have included pawprints next to their names for their signature - - One large for Oslo and three small - - one each for Eli, Noah, and Abbygayle. Well, now there's just one small pawprint for Noah - - and what a smack on the side of the head that is.

What a wonderful way to memorialize your precious furkids with flowers - - living plants that will always represent your furbabies sweet living Spirits. Your necklace and bracelet sound so beautiful. I had thougt about getting a heart shaped pendant to have it engraved with my furkids' names as well to wear, but haven't looked into that yet. I guess one of the reaons why I do memorial projects is to make sure they are never forgotten by the others whose lives they touched during their journey -- the vets, vet techs, etc.. Their lives are so busy with the "present" clients and the files of "closed" clients are stored away. With these projects they are things that they can use and or watch that can help keep my furbabies' memories alive with others - - at least for awhile. Their memories will ALWAYS be alive for me, as your memories of Niles and Frasier and all your precious furkids will ALWAYS be alive for you and your husband.

It's hard not having a house full of eager energy. I ask God to help Noah not feel lonely, - - he used to have three fur siblings to keep him company and now he only has me. I know he would benefit from having another fur friend to play with but I just can't bear the thought of bringing another furchild home right now. I know I'm not ready to bond with another furkid and I'm not sure Noah is ready yet either. So, I guess all we can do is just muddle through this grief nightmare together one day at a time.

Donna, thank you again so mcuh for your thoughtful comfort and support. Please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I'll look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Lightning Strike Friends, today is April 25, and it is 40 days now since my precious Abbygayle joined the angels. Noah is snuggled here next to me as I write to you. He very seldom wants to be far from me now. I have finished my memorials of my beautiful Abbygayle and am in the process of burning the DVD's of her video. For the music I selected "The Rose" and "All I Ask of You" - - the latter song from Webber's Phantom of the Opera. They are both instrumentals of the songs which I downloaded from the internet. This is the very last thing I can do for her - - just her. And now, for real, it is just Noah and me. He is such a precious little soul, and I am very blessed to have him with me. But I am still very saddened that he is now an "only child" for the first time in his almost 7 years of life. But right now I cannot bear the thought of adopting another fur child. I'm not ready for that -- not yet. And I certainly don't want Noah to think that I am trying to "replace" his fur siblings.

I just want to thank each of you so much for sharing Abbygayle's, and Oslo's, journey with me. There is still a lot of healing to do, and I know that I have your encouragement and support every step of the journey. And I hope you know you have mine with each of your journeys as well.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon Beam--

I was just thinking of you and wondering how you are doing this week?

You are so kind and thoughtful and giving of yourself to others--I hope that you show that same kindness to yourself! You have been so thoughtful and helpful to me, and I want you to know how much I truly appreciate it.

Here's hoping that you're having an easier week than last week was...

Big, big hugs from Margi and the Wolf

Hi, Margi, thank you so much for thinking of me. Life here is one day at a time. I have been working on Abbygayle's memorial video, and have it done. I have been making copies of it to give to the vet and vet techs who took such good care of her through the years, as well as the folks who rescued her and Noah, and other interested family members and friends. In addition to the video I made memorial bookmarks, and am waiting for another order of the paper to print out some more to cover everyone on my list so far, and any additional requests that may come. The music for her video are "The Rose" and "All I Ask of You" from Webber's Phantom of The Opera. It's 8 minutes 34 seconds in length.

Noah is such a sweet natured, loving, devoted little fella. I am so blessed to have him here with me. I got a call from my sister in law asking me if I wanted to adopt a kitten from one of her friend's whose cat had a litter - - it was to be a "replacement" for Abbygayle. It was all I could do to keep from crying but I was able to thank her for thinking of me but told her it was way too soon for me to think of doing anything like that - - for both Noah and me. My family members have totally different viewpoints about "animals", and I know they think I am "nutsy" with mine. Noah and I need this time together just to be with each other.

I do miss my Oslo, even though he was no longer able to go on walks with me to the mailbox, he would be sitting at the gate watching me and waiting for me to come back. Now that the weather has turned warmer it's lonely going to get the mail and not having him waiting for me at the gate. There are times still when I just can't believe my little household has dwindled to one precious furchild in such a short period of time. Sometimes I wonder what I did so wrong to warrant this punishment because my furkids are so very much a central part of the purpose of my life. Yes, I can live without any furkids, but when I have the privilege of their presence with me they are the central part of my life. It's hard to believe that it has only been 7 weeks since my Abbygayle joined the angels. I wish this grief journey was easier to get through, - - for everyone here as well as for me.

Thank you again, Margi, for thinking of me. I hope that life is treating you and Ladywolf kindly, and I will look forward to hearing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Margi is right. You were there with you kind words when I lost my Casey and you have been there for me this time also. I can not thank you enough for your words of support. I know you have suffered a great loss also, yet you have such kindness to give to others. I understand what you mean about family not totaling understanding. People tell me I need to learn to just move passed it and go on. They tell me Shelby was an old cat. I know that and that is one of the reasons I missed some of the signs she was sick, I just thought they were due to her being older. One of the girls at work just said to me yesterday "are you still upset about Shelby?" to me that was hurtful, of course I am (I don't think she meant it in the wrong way, but...). I will probably feel upset for some time to come. Yes, I will go on with life, as we all will, but we will never forget our little fur-kids. I am so glad I found this site, it has been a life saver to me. My sister also mentioned a black cat they were talking about on TV that needs a home "a lap cat", but I too am just not ready to adopt another cat. Someday I will be, but that day is a long way off. My other sister who lost her dog some time back understands, as she had a very difficult time with dealing with the loss. I am glad that I have her to talk to. My husband deals with things like this better than I do. He loved Shelby and he was extremely close to Casey, but he is able to adjust and move on a little better than me - he keeps telling me I need to let go and stop thinking about it - easier said than done for me. I know you are hurting too - you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a special person.

Karen

Hi Karen and Moon Beam and everyone--

I kind of laughed a little when you referred to "our little fur-kids," since mine weighs 115 pounds, and I can't budge her!

But I completely understand what you mean about other people not understanding. A lot of people either don't have pets, or they don't have them in the same way that we do. Some people can "have" a dog or a cat, bury that dog or cat, and just move on. I don't know how, but they do. They just don't experience the level of mutual devotion that people like us do--and therefore, the total devastation we feel when our beloveds depart. And the people who have never had animals at all--I don't trust 'em an inch! (Unless they're wildly allergic or something, in which case they may still be animal lovers and understand.)

I doubt that the girl at work meant any harm when she asked if you were still upset about Shelby, but there's nothing wrong with you being upset by that question, either. She was probably just curious and concerned--but for you, it scratched off a scab that's only beginning to heal.

I get questions sometimes like, "Oh, is your old wolf still around?" and I want to scratch their eyes out! "My old wolf" is my life-partner--she is my husband and my wife and my children all rolled up into one, since I have no other living family at all. Same thing when they say something like, "Well, she IS old, it must be her time." It will NEVER be "her time" for me, even if and when "her time" comes for her. Or someone will even say, "You mean, you can't leave her home alone? Do you think it might be time to..." How thoughtless. How rude. How painful to hear!

This is one reason that this Forum is so so important--we all understand what total devotion to our animals is about, and about the rupture they leave behind when they leave us. I wish that I COULD be a bit more philosophical about it, and sometimes I'm able to be--after all, Ladywolf IS about 15, and as one poster here said recently, wisely, about his own cat, "That's about warranty." But imagine, you non-animal people out there who hurt our feelings, intentionally or accidentally, if the car dealer showed up on your door the day your warranty expired and said, "Well, that's it. We're taking your car back today. You won't be able to drive anymore." Would they be upset? You betcha'!!

Everyone who can, keep on coming back here. Ladywolf has friends all over the world, but none of them are here where I live, so I have only two people in Arizona I can really talk to about it. (My out-of-town friends all agree that Ladywolf was supposed to be immortal!)

Karen, take care of yourself and be gentle on yourself. Choose your company wisely until you feel stronger. Well, actually, ALWAYS choose your company wisely. Anyone who can't understand my bond with my Wolf is not someone I particularly want to have in my universe--that's one reason my universe here in AZ. is small! Give yourself plenty of time, and come here and let it all out anytime you want to...

Big Hugs--Margi and the Wolf

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comforting words. I am so sorry that you had that experience with your co-worker. Margi is right that many people "have" companon animals - - like property - - and consequently they never experience the physical, emotional, and spiritual bond with their fur family members like you, Margi, Donna, me, and all our Lightning Strike friends do. Listening to the conversations of the other employees in my office about their household "animals" I choose not to share my personal life with them because I know what I would hear - - which is exactly what you heard - - and I prefer to spare myself from that hurtful experience.

For whatever it is worth - - if it helps you at all - - clinical studies show that men grieve differently from women, so it is no surprise that you share that your husband appears to be able to "move on" or "adjust" easier to Casey's and Shelby's passing. However, I hope that he is able to be a source of comfort to you - - even though he may stumble through the process - - and that you are able to share with each other your feelings of grief and your memories of your precious furkids.

Today is Friday and I am glad to be home with my little Noah. He still sleeps sometimes on Oslo's bed that is at the foot of my bed to be close to his and Abbygayle's scent. I put the comforter and towel that Abbygale was placed on when I brought her home for Noah to pay his last respects to her prior to cremation on Oslo's bed, and he still sniffs the comforter and towel and snuggles down on them. I know this is comforting for him, so I will not wash these items until I see from him that he no longer needs them. It was about 2 years before he stopped sleeping on Eli's comforter, and strangely enough, it is the same comforter now that holds Oslo's and Abbygayle's scent that he snuggles down on sometimes for comfort when he isn't snuggled next to me. I do love this little fellow very much, and I tell him as often as I can how much I love him and how proud of him I am.

Karen, each of us can only travel our grief journeys as best we can, but it is so important to know you are not alone in the journey, and I am thankful to have you, Margi, Donna, and the support of everyone on this wonderful forum in mine, and I am glad you know that I am here for you, too. Please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and I will look forward to hearing from you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Margi, thank you, too, for your kind and thoughful comforting words. I know what you mean about your precious Ladywolf supposed to be "immortal" on this side of eternity. If only that were true - - for you, for me, and everyone on this wonderful forum. Being able to share our hearts and our memories with each other does help to keep them close to us and does provide a sort of "immortality" for them.

I do so know what you are going through with Ladywolf - - not wanting to leave her alone - - at least not for long periods of time. I was the same way about Oslo and Eli before him and Abbygayle. I hated having to leave them to go to work - - I felt like I was cheating them of my love and attention when they needed it. I envy folks who are able to have home-based employment. The only half way decent thing about my job is the paycheck.

Margi, I hope you and Ladywolf will have a decent evening and a peaceful weekend together. Please know you and Ladywolf are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam