Yesterday, Dec. 28, 2008, at about 2:00 pm. my late Mother's magnificent old cat, B.K., aged just short of 24 years, lost his battle against renal failure, heart disease, and time. He had been part of my life as long as my husband. My world is unrecognizable without him.

I am so very sorry to hear about B.K. 24 years.....that is so wonderful. I just never knew a special one could be here that long. My dogs were 12 or less but my Little Guy was 16 1/2 which amazed me. I did read in a Cat Fancy magazine about one in their 30's. What a gift to treasure.

When they are around us for a while, they become a part of us more than ever and losing them truly becomes to feel as if a leg or arm has disappeared.

What a sweetheart B.K. is. And once again, we deal with it all, one day at a time.

Many hugs, Dayna. I am sure B.K. has found Sadie and they are watching you together, knowing one day....we will all be reunited with our special ones. If that didn't happen...then there is no Heaven.



A big, tight holding, cyber HUG! Hope you can feel it through the page.

Judy

Judy,

Felt and appreciated...thanks so much!

I literally don't remember the last time there were no cats in my life. There's is something about that "bunting" thing they do...when they simultaneously head-butt and rub their whiskers on you that feels like nothing else in the world...when a cat you love does that...nothing else feels like that.

I scrubbed the house of all evidences of his illness. I washed his bedding and put it all away. I put the litter boxes out in the garage...There is a gaping dark hole over there in his favorite corner...the house is cold. Earlier today the sun shone in on his spot...there was no purring in response. I can't fathom it.

Wow!!!
What a wonderful long life B.K. had. You must have so many great memories.

True they are a part of your life and filling that empty void is very hard.

Sending you and your new Angel B.K. lots of hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

Judy-as one of the thousands here at LS, everytime I read a new thread I relive my own gut wrenching agony all over again.If you are an older person such as my self and have noticed how the years really do seem to pass more quickly,Then, it might help to realize that upon every mornings rise you too are one day closer to the other side yourself.
And that in turn means you are one day closer to being with your beautiful B.K. NEVER to be seperated again.So pack your bags and bring some goodies for that short bus ride to 'The Rainbow Bridge' Your last breath here will be followed by your first breath there in the Land O' Bliss.That's a program we can't change.Let all your tears flow and scream if you must.I still do and after one one those sessions you will have evacuated your physic/physicalness until the next episode.Your friends and family will grow weary of your loss/story so don't be surprised.But not to fear because your new'family' here on the forum will listen and listen until your PC goes KAPUT!!!!!!!!!!! Then simply buy another one and the show will continue...........

May the good Lord babysit your beautiful B.K. til you arrive.............Your LS buddy................Bubba

Oh, Dayna! I am so sorry and greatly wish that I could find some words to comfort you from your terrible grief, pain, sorrow and devastation. B.K. was 24 years old and part of your life as long as your husband. That's a mighty long time. I weep for you and with you! Truly, I do!

Please forgive me as you do know I express myself far better using images, songs, poems and the like at such gosh awful times of your loss. Here is the very first one that came to my mind as I searched and found what I believe to be the most beautiful and fitting image of your late Mother's magnificent B.K. fur child. You greatly inspired me by your topic title of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." How perfectly you've expressed yourself in all you've said. Sorry for my babbling so here is what I wish to say to you and B.K. in image and song. I do apologize for the "jumpy" images in the film but this video is the very, very best one of all I viewed for this song and portrays exactly what I myself visualize. I pray this brings you at least some small comfort, Dear One. Blessings!

I'm so sorry for your loss of BK.. 24...How special is that!...It truely is hard when they have to leave us after so long. But in some ways it's comforting to know they have had such a wonderful fullfilling long life, and for that you should be proud. I love how you described the feeling of the whiskers. It's so true. I always say my favorite sound in the whole world is the purr of a cat. Once these feelings grab a hold of your heart, nothing can ever replace it. In time, I hope you will get another to fill your emptiness and continue with more head butt and whiskers rubs..for many many years to come...Hugs and peace in the new year to come..Ann

I'm so terribly sorry for your most recent loss of B.K., Dayna. How shattered your poor heart must be!!

As I sit here sighing, imagining that if my Nissa had lived to almost 24 years herself, she'd still be with me today, and even have 2 more years yet to go (!!oh!!), and yet I easily realize in the very same breath that it would also be that much more impossible-seeming to cope with the utter heartbreak, after having that much longer a love affair suddenly come to a physical end. And so it must be with you and my heart breaks so FOR you. As you so succinctly put it,

I couldn't fathom my own girl not being here to purr for me anymore, either (still can't, really), among countless other daily things lost, even at close to 20 years, much less 4 MORE years of loving relationship!! Yes, it must be unfathomably hard for you. My head reels, just thinking about it, much less having to be IN it, as you so unfortunately are.

It must also be extra painful to have that added dimension of loss because of B.K.'s ties to your late mother....one of those other things that "complicates" one's grief.

B.K. looks so darn sweet in that picture, so content, in that zen-like state that felines achieve so easily and so well. I only hope that you can imagine such a state for him now, in spirit-form, but amplified a hundred-fold, rid of the bodily ills that plagued him on this plane. And in the coming days, I also hope that you can feel B.K.'s essence close to you still, not even waiting until that glorious reunion in spirit, but keeping close by you even while he's with both your mother and Sadie, and all other loved ones he's connected to. The circle is NOT broken, just not as visible to you now.

But I'm so, so sorry for your pain and send you angels to surround you and help you feel the utmost in compassion for yourself as you sit with your grief, now and in all the coming moments.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of having a furkid for many, many years then to have them gone. Even though B.K. was 24 and he had a long life, I know it's still not long enough. My Candy lived for 16 years and wish I had another 60.

My condolences to you as well as the hope you have given me as well. You see, I just got a new kitten, and I hope to have her live as long as B.K. did.

God bless you.

Candy's Dad.

I am so sorry about your loss, I know it can be very difficult. But what a true gift to have him for so many years. He will live forever in your heart and some day when the house is quiet, listen closely you will still hear him purr. I lost my Fleetwood after 9 short years and pray every day that my 15 year old Corinna makes it to the 20 year mark and hopefully beyond. As time goes by those dark holes will soon be filled with sunshine again.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Dottie,

Thank you so much for the lion graphic...the instant I saw it, I saw my dear Mother, straight-backed, youthful, and vigorous...surrounded by her large pride of beloved domestic lions...now complete on the other side.

Furkidlets Mom,

I thought of you and Nissa often during the course of BK.'s illness. Especially near the end, when the physical demands of caring for him were difficult. And I knew how much more than an aching back you would willingly endure to have her there to care for. I'm very moved by your insight and understanding. When I read your post, I pictured Beekie's great catcher's-mitt of a paw reaching for my face to bat at my glasses, as he always used to do when I wasn't paying attention.


For those of you with young cats ( congratulations Hal, to you and Chuck, on your burgeoning new family ), I fervently wish you as many happy, healthy, hours as we had with BK. Mark, I know Fleetwood will be keeping watch over you and Corinna. I've been fortunate never to have lost a kitten, or a young cat in the prime of life. I can imagine what it is to have the promise of years of loving slip through your fingers.

I am very grateful for BK.'s miraculous longevity. The lion's share of the credit for for that goes to him. He was born with the most extraordinary drive, and will to live that I have ever known in any being of any species. I hope he never had cause to regret having chosen to stay with me so long.

Thanks to you all for your kind replies.
Dayna

I am sorry that such a long love had to leave. Our Burmese, Minka, made it to 23 years, and it seemd like she was an eternal thing, like a force of Nature or a mountain.
When she was gone, even though other cats were here, and even grieving, still, there was the dark corner you describe.

We have a burial plot for our friends. Someday, I suppose we will move-we have been here 33 years-, and the little patch of lilies will mean nothing to whoever lives here.

But we know.

Jon,

A force of nature...that was BK., until quite recently, increasing in vigor, seemingly drawing strength from the very atmosphere...little changing, except in the degree of his determination to have some of my blueberry yogurt. When he came into our lives, Mother had five cats, the last one but BK. died at twenty, and that was more than 10 years ago.

I hope the lilies bloom in particular splendor over your Minka, and the others. When you see her again you can admire them together.

Dayna

Dayna

When you said: I am very grateful for BK.'s miraculous longevity. The lion's share of the credit for for that goes to him. He was born with the most extraordinary drive, and will to live that I have ever known in any being of any species. I hope he never had cause to regret having chosen to stay with me so long.


Your last sentence made me answer here because as I read it, this thought came into my mind so strongly...I had to put it down here:

"Unconditional love would never know the meaning of words like "regret". That's what unconditional love is all about."

You know that boy loved you and I believe it was the combination of your love for him and his for you that gave him that "will" you mention. Love can enable us to do extraordinary things at times.
What a blessing to have had him for so many years...simply wonderful to hear that.

Hugs again.....hugs are another way of showing how much we really care. I think if we could reach through the computer, there would be so many hugs..no one would have time to type


Judy

Judy,

You are right of course.

I was just thinking of when I found him...barely old enough to have his eyes open, too young to know how to eat, freezing, dehydrated...screaming his head off, in between seizures. The vet took one look at him and told me he might not make it through the night.

Then when Mom died,( the two of them had lived alone together for many years ), BK. was not well. And I thought he really might choose to follow her, but we started the fluid therapy, and he quickly got strong again.

Then I decided I had to move him from Mom's house to ours. I worried that he would decline...he did not, until the last thirty days or so. At the very end when the vet told me in her best clinical judgment, the blood work was showing the beginning of massive, multiple organ failure, he laid his big head against my cheek. It was almost as if he was reassuring me..." we did all we could ".

That we did big boy...we put up a fight.


I'm at sixes and sevens...I keep waking up in the night thinking I heard him cry...it's time for his meds...better check the heat on his blanket...how much cat food have I got?

Based on past experience, I'll feel marginally better when his ashes come home on Sat. Maybe then I can do something with the fridge full of food bought in anticipation of Christmas and New Years Eve celebrations that never happened.

To my dear friend Dayna,

You've been on my mind all day since you emailed me about BK's passing. I treasure our friendship more than words could ever say. Your undying devotion to Bk was as strong as his will to live with you. Yours and BK's love was mutual and you kept each other going even through the worst of times. You asked if BK would ever have any regrets about staying with you for so long. The answer is NO, he would not. When the time was right, you and he made a decision together guided by our Lord's unabiding love and divine intervention. What a beautiful picture forms in my mind seeing your Mom and all of her lions together again. I know how much you love and miss your Mom. It's easy for me to see and understand why you are such a loving and caring woman yourself and I am proud to be your friend, now and for always.

May the peace of our Lord always be with you.
Beth

Beth,

You know I thought I was prepared for this...I even entertained the thought of feeling a little bit relieved that my beautiful boy would no longer sick, his lost mobility regained...no needles, no pills, no pain. I wasn't. I'm sad, and mad, and lost...and I want to sit on the floor and kick and scream, "Give me back my kitten! ". So much for maturity, and grace.

I so appreciate your grace, and your friendship.


Love to you and B. and G.
Dayna

Dayna,

I wanted to tell you a little story here, about feline regrets. Since my boy, Sabin, had such a seemingly tortured ending, one of the top questions I had for my first (and REMARKABLE) ACer was, of course, about forgiving me (about that, btw, Sabin said that "There IS nothing to forgive!" ), but also tied into that question was also wanting to know if he had any regrets about anything in his life (with us). (I was expecting the worst!) His answer surprised me.....a LOT. It was so 'simple' a regret, I tended to think our ACer got it all wrong, but it turned out later that she must have heard it right.

He'd said he had "only one..." and related the story of how he used to "hide" his ball when he was young and then later could never find the dang thing! He'd apparently gotten very mad at himself for this. But I mean, come on! - of all things to regret in an entire life!?!?!? It sounded WAY to simplistic a regret to me at the time, especially considering Sabin's masterful intellect and spiritual teachings for me! I'd asked what ball is he talking about?....still thinking this was probably all mumbo-jumbo and something more akin to those furkids and their people who hadn't had such a ripe, full and spiritual relationship as we'd had.

My ACer described this ball - a small, red one. I sounded doubtful about that as I remembered no little red ball in their massive arsenal of toys. However, she then said to me, "When you find this ball later on.......and you WILL (and she chortled in delight here).....you'll know exactly what he was talking about." Frankly, I didn't believe anything would ever come of this. But about 2-3 months later, when I was rooting around in our basement for something, there, hidden underneath something else, was this little, red ball, a ball I hadn't seen in probably 9 years! I stood there stunned, cradling this precious toy in my hand and everything came rushing back as goosebumps covered my body from head to toe. This had been their FIRST-EVER little ball, one that had actually come from MY childhood, in fact. I'd only originally pulled it out of storage when they were kittens until I could find better ones for them. I then also remembered that Sabin used to play a LOT with that ball when he was just a wee one, and of course he DID also ALWAYS knock it underneath places that weren't very accessible and that took me awhile to discover in order to retrieve it. And I guess he'd 'hidden' it yet again, after we'd moved so long ago to this other Province! He must have actually really LOVED that first ball!

So our ACer had gotten it right, and I had to then trust that the regret Sabin spoke of must also be true for him. "Only one" regret, and all about actions HE'd taken. Nothing, in 13 years of life, about any major upheavals or challenges we'd gone through (and there were many), nothing about anything I nor anyone else had done. Nothing about his pain-filled ending.

Imagine being able to live your entire physical life this purely, clearly, selflessly and unconditionally that one, tiny thing you'd done in childhood was the only thing you ever regretted! The sheer POWER of the lessons these heaven-sent beings show us is utterly remarkable. The way they've remained so connected and aware of their connection to Source and Its/our true nature is positively breath-taking and inspiring.

So, given the wisdom that "Beekie" (that is SO adorable a nickname, btw!) must have also acquired in living such a long life, in conjunction with his inherently divinely-connected nature, and what Sabin's story illustrates for us, I can't even imagine how he'd ever regret any of the things you might be concerned about. B.K.'s life here was love personified, and as Judy and Beth both said, the shared love (that made that love grow even larger) was what was most important to him, over and above any external conditions.

As for feeling "relieved", that may take some time yet. I'm only coming into that kind of frame of mind NOW, about Nissa, after over 2 years of pining for her. We shouldn't expect ourselves to feel 'glad' or relieved about anything much, really, at least not that soon. (although there's nothing at all wrong with "entertaining" ANYthing) If those feelings come in waves and we get even a short moment of relief, from whatever thought, we can just count that as a blessing for the moment, as it will likely shift and change, too. As always, it's a gradual process.

Also, when the kind of care we gave them is suddenly wrenched out of our dedicated hands, even if they weren't pleasant tasks by themselves, they were also so much PART AND PARCEL of our love for our dear ones, and are therefore just as hard for us to give up. I remember projecting ahead, thinking possibly I'd be able to finally rest my entire being, after years of increasingly complicated caregiving, hoping that my sheer exhaustion (emotional, mental and physical) would help me get through the freshest parts of my grief. It wasn't that simple, of course. I was just exhausted AND wracked by grief, with neither providing respite from the other and making me even more exhausted! And those who ought to have been there for me but who chose instead to withdraw their support added yet another dimension of both loss and challenge to my task. Only the long process, over time and work, has begun to shift that.

Could you give yourself permission to do just that? It might help to give some release to those powerful feelings connected to your loss. Venting all feelings is encouraged in the grieving process, and for good reason. You can't process things if you ignore them or bottle them up inside. Feelings are there because in some way you're READY to do something with them. You need not believe that you have to follow any proscribed or societally-imposed characteristic to your mourning. It's YOUR loss, not anyone else's and Source isn't going to condemn you for having strong feelings, no matter what they are. Feelings are there to guide us, back towards our wholeness.

I had a few terrible nightmares right after Nissa 'left', centered around feeding her, or rather not having fed her for too long. One of these was while we were on a short trip, soon after her crossing. I barely slept at ALL while away. And yet, I awoke from one of these just in time to then hear, w/i minutes, a 'clunk' right in our room. I investigated and found nothing out of place. Now I believe it was my girl, reassuring me that she was FINE, and not in need of anything physical like food. So B.K.'s laying his head on your cheek beforehand must have been, I believe, the same kind of thing. They can only make their feelings & thoughts known to us in ways that we each, individually, are capable of 'hearing' at that time. I truly think that was a beautiful and meaningful means of communication from him, God bless him!

I'm sorry this ended up being so long, but I also need add that I was very touched myself that you'd thought of Nissa and me and whatever you'd remembered about our story, during the course of "Beekie's" illness (I really, really LOVE that name!). It truly warms my heart that something, anything related to her and me might have helped someone else deal with those challenges in some way. No matter how much time has passed, things like that lend such MEANING to my girl's life and legacy, and there's been too little I've heard from 'outside' sources in that particular way. You have no idea how much that helped, even now. So thank-you so much for that, whatever it was related to.

FKM,

Your thoughts about care-giving, and (I might add WOW) the story of Sabin's only regret are very helpful to me!

I've been asking myself if I should have spared Beekie the pain of his last day. On our next-to-last visit to the E-vet, I asked for nothing more than meds to make him feel better, knowing full well that the there was a very high probability that the relief would only be temporary. If I had insisted on blood-work on that visit, I might have missed my last night of holding him on my chest, his head tucked under my chin, a few hours of peaceful sleep. I might have missed the last moment's when my efforts had the power to relieve his suffering...and he might have been spared several hours of severe pain.

Sabin's story gives me hope that perhaps my choice did not leave disastrous scars on Beeksters spirit.

I did take your advice and throw myself a little scream fest...I took advantage of Mother's temporarily empty house to do it in. Now I can at least drive to the grocers without blinding tears welling up in traffic. The motoring public, at least, is the safer for it.

You have exceptional narrative gifts, and Nissa's story in your able hands should be remarkable, and inspiring to anyone. Part of its meaning to me in it's familiarity, since BK. is by no means the first feline with whom I have fought that same long defeat. Also, the picture I formed in my head of BK."s mother, based on the " I kinda, sorta almost think I saw a pregnant cat hereabouts, maybe ", responses we got in our search for her, is of a cat who would strongly have resembled your Nissa. And so my thinking of Nissa, among other things, honors she who surely died before she could even wean my beautiful, BLUE KAT.

That's so sweet Dottie, thank you!

I can't get my head together. So many things need doing. The things I let go of to to care for my boy. I can't sort out what's really important and what's not. I don't know where to start picking up the pieces.

I don't know what to do without him. I don't how to be without him. And if I seem to be raving like a fool, well then that is appropriate, because at the moment I am one.

And if I have failed to acknowledge the suffering of all of you in a similar straights ( or worse )...I'm so sorry. my heart goes out to you. My mind is just not able at this moment to tally all the losses.

Dearest Dayna, don't you give one second's thought about even attempting to offer comfort to anyone here who's suffering pain and grief at this time. You're always there for everybody in their time of need but right now it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what a basket case you are. I feel your heart breaking and can actually hear you weep! Hon, it's your turn. B.K. Angel Lion Kitty has left the deepest footprints in your heart and soul. It shows in all you're sharing. Let all of us be here for you now. Like I said, it's your turn, Dear One.

I wanted to post the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" but it's pretty upbeat and may not be appropriate considering the gosh awful grief that you're experiencing right now. Then again, I'll betcha that B.K. Lion Kitty Angel will love it and really boogie-oogie-oogie along since he is a great and powerful lion who loves to get down with his bad self and have some fun. I found the perfect prize winning National Geographic photograph, cropped out their text on the bottom, made it a bit smaller, added a gold frame and put glittering gold stars in the lovely night sky. I believe I selected the perfect video for B.K. Lion Cat and pray you enjoy and are comforted by these most magnificent, majestic lions featured in the film. The African scenery, other animals and native villages are spectacular, too. This goes out to boogie-oogie B.K. Angel Lion Kitty.

Dottie,


I love that song. And I love you for taking so much trouble to add it, and that wonderful video to Beekie's thread. Many, many, thanks dear !

Dayna

Awww, Sweet Loving Dayna. You're very welcome. Ya know how much I love to find and make those images and videos espeically when words fail me so they say what I want to tell you. I'm so pleased and grateful that this image along with that song/video brought you some smiles and comfort. And guess what? I love ya to bits and pieces, too!

Tons of Hugs and Oceans of Love to You and B. K. Lion Cat!!!

Always Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

I'm so disappointed I didn't get his ashes back yesterday. I know it is just carbon...

Carbon created in the death of a star, carbon left behind in the death of my boy. I need it here, under my roof, under my fingernails maybe, I need him home.

I am very sorry. Your boy will be home very, very soon.

It will be a comfort for you when this happens.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When they leave they take a part of us with them, I only hope that the part they took brought them a joy as great as the pain that came in to fill the void. Courage somethings have just got to be gotten through. His love is still a place for you to go to, indulge in that.

HI Toonie,


How nice to hear from you! I'm feeling somewhat better...I sure need his ashes home though. I hope the call today.


Dayna

(please forgive me posting so late, i have been severely sick and could not use the internet)

dear Dayna
BK is not here anymore
this beautiful, precious and wise cat, a link to your beloved mom
no cats at your house, no purr
"Give me back my kitten"
it is so hard to say goodby
it is just heartbreaking, i cannot find the right words
i am crying with you

my deepest sympathy
yours always
Eva

I hope by the time you read this, B.K. is home where he belongs. It must be like learning how to live all over again for you. I can only pray that as each new day comes along for you that you will find some moments of peace.

Hugs of comfort and love, my dear friend.
Beth

Just to interject briefly here....

What you said, Beth... I think you nailed that perfectly. That's what it felt/feels like to me. Some stumbling steps, once you can even see your feet....but half the steps don't even work or seem to get you anywhere....and it all feels like a slippery staircase that's far too steep and long. Just had to comment since it was such an apropos metaphor to which I can really relate.

Hugs from me, too, Dayna. Hope you can feel the energy of the empathy and sympathy from everyone's words, to help ease the pain even a little.

I spent the pm. at the vets, with my niece and one of her sweet, rescued pit bulls. The situation she took him from was terrible...he had never been well. He was never going to be. He was in terrible pain. I handed her my credit card, " That won't be enough this time, " the vet said with tears on his face. She had to let him go....I've about had it.


I want to answer your sweet posts, later.
Dayna

I am so very sorry.

We are not given more pain than we can hadle. Very hard and bumpy road you are on!!
It will become more smooth as you go along.

Sending you a big hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, Dayna, i am so very sorry, too
what a tragedy with the sweet little pit pull of your niece
OMG
you are a strong person, Dayna
your hb, your niece will help you
Amos and Birga
and the people from LS
thinking of you with love
yours Eva

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying.
--REVELATION 21:4

Hugs of love and comfort Dayna,
Beth

Oh, Dayna. I'm so sorry to be this late getting back to you as my PC went corrupt and it took three days of support to get it back to where I can start catching up. So much has happened since I was last here. I'm so terribly sorry for all you've been going through with not getting B. K. Angel Lion Cat's ashes back when you needed him so much and the loss of your niece's sweet pit bull doggie. As usual, words fail me but I do want to offer up this prayer for your niece, the one of her sweet rescued pit bulls who didn't make it, for B.K. Angel Lion Kitty and of course for you. I hope upon hope this brings you some comfort, Dear one!







Many Comforting Hugs and Oceans of Love!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Dayna, just stopping by again to let you know I'm sorry your neice had to let her friend pit bull go. Also, what you said regarding B.K. "I don't know how to be without him". Gosh, I couldn't find the words to explain how I feel about my loss, but that was exactly it. It's totally understandable. Most here talk about years they've spent with their pets, but you, can proudly say you had him for a quarter of a century!..How grand is that...As for the ashes, they will come. I too was anxious, I just wanted him home no matter what shape or form. We need to still hold onto some physical part of them.. Hoping your spirits will lift when he returns to you..Many hugs...Ann

Oh man, Dayna.....that was definitely the LAST kind of thing you needed to experience at such an already horrible time! I'm SO sorry, for you and your niece and that poor doggie. This is another one of those times I think we have to reach deep w/i and hold onto what few 'crumbs' of blessings can possibly be counted in such sorrow....like, if you were able to ask that dog's soul if he was thankful for anything, he'd likely say he WAS - for getting to experience real love, caring and concern at least ONCE in his last lifetime, and so was then able to transition with some peace in his heart before returning to the realms of TOTAL love. You both helped him to get a taste of what was soon to be enfolding him completely.

Who knows how far-reaching the ripples from the love your niece and you demonstrated to one of God's creatures will be? She and you did what little you could, but is such love EVER really "little"? I don't think so. I think it's far vaster than we can usually ever imagine on this plane...if you can, try to dream on that instead.

Well BK.'s ashes are home. The weather has been spectacular, and Charles bought me a lovely little Colorado blue spruce to plant in sight of Beekie's window, but where it won't block the sun streaming in. I put a little handful of the ashes in with the root ball.

We rearranged all the furniture in our den. Charles put his mother's big old rocker in BK.'s corner. I can sit there out of sight of his compulsion to stop all my tears from falling, and read, or daydream, or cry. Today, while sitting there, I remembered one night when Beekie was still just tiny and still having such a hard time of. My Dad sat up with us and read to us, among other things, William Blake's poem The Tyger.

My niece invested so much time, and love in Tristan. I think she had had him about a year. His health never ceased to decline...despite all. But his demeanor changed utterly very soon after she rescued him. No trace of anxiety or fear for himself ever showed on his face again. He watched over Stephanie carefully, and his face would register concern for her, but never any for himself. In his last hour ( FKM you are a prophet ), despite the terrible shape he was in, his countenance was completely peaceful. On the exam table he curled up in the comforter I carried him in as if he were safe at home. His last day was filled with family tenderness, and love, and his expression said " This is the best day of my life " !... It was heartbreaking, but wonderful too.

It has been a few days since I thought I heard BK. crying. I'm sure it was the sound of my own disorientation and longing I'd been hearing. I'm still waking up to check on him in the night. His vet came by yesterday to pick up the unused bags of fluid, and drip-sets, a few meds to take out to the local wildlife rescuers. I still have trouble realizing we won't be needing them again.

Eva, I'm so sorry to hear you have been ill...

many thanks to you all for Prayers and Good Vibes sent!
I stumble along,
Dayna

Dayna,

It is truly heartbreaking to hear about everything.

All I can offer is a big cyberhug to you....with tears flowing.

Peace to you


Judy

BK.

Good night my boy....my Bluekat, Bigkat, Blessedkat, Bravekat, Bonnykat, Belovedkat, Mommy's love reaches out for you...towards the mountains, towards

the Gulf, towards the plains...towards the heavens, towards the earth...to realms of light, to sacred night,where nocturnal angels are want to play. Reaching

towards the river that flows from the Throne, towards the broken road that goes on alone. Sweet boy, I will find you, then we shall forever both be

home.

Mom

that is simply beautiful(and so true) !

sweet boy
sleep
till we meet again
Eva

Dayna
you can find so beautiful words
( like toonie said )
for those big emotions
i will always remember dearly your beloved BK
that precious 24 years old cat in Texas
i am very proud and thankful, that i could share a bit of his life

having a bad, bad, night tonight

I'm so tired of being left behind. I'll be okay tomorrow, but tonight I think this world sucks!

Dayna, I hope that you got a bit of sleep but in case you're still up I wanted to share a few poems with you, so sorry you are feeling so awful, gosh I know where you're at for having been there too many times myself. Take care, all is so recent for you. These soothing poems are about missing a beloved cat, the next about a much loved dog.

http://www.all-creatures.org/poetry/again.html

http://www.poetseers.org/the_great_poets/b...ower_of_the_dog

Thanks Tooney!

Dayna...I hope this morning finds you feeling better. I had a bad night last night too. I thought I was doing really well but overnight last night I just wanted my big boy kitty and nothing could distract me. It seems to have bled over into the morning. I hope a wave of peace will follow this one of sorrow for you.

Thanks Debra,

I'm feeling some better. I slept all day yesterday. I slept on BK.s schedule during his illnes. Since he died I've slept little at all...so I needed to.

Hope you're feeling better, yourself.

Dayna

Dayna,

Boy, do I know that sleeping on BK's schedult thing! Like having a newborn baby in the house.............. too much for an old gal like me.

Glad you got some rest finally. Hello to that amazing Amos......

Ginger

Thanks Ginger from both of us.