I am in the same situation, but I still have three cats here. When you lose the special one, the other ones don't fill the void. It is very sad.

The past few days have been miserable. All the imposed repression of my feelings by the obligations of daily life have broken down. I have been crying off and on and have been feeling so much pain and loss. I've been having these horrible dreams where he is still alive, but very sick and in the process of dying. I don't understand why that has to happen right now. I still have so much to go through and it's so hard to manage.. I just want him back, I don't really care about anything else.

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal.

Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will help to make their loss less painful. Clinical studies prove that suppressed grief actually prolongs the deep sorrow and puts more stress on the body which may lead to medical intervention at some point in time. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears as they literally wash away the toxins that build up in our bodies from the stress of grief. So it is very important for your health that you find opportunities to release your deep sorrow - - even if you need to find a private place away from other people to do so.

I also know from first hand experience how disturbing it is to have unhappy dreams of our loved ones - - whoever the life form - - who are no longer physically with us. Scientific studies on dreams indicate that our dreams are one of the ways that our minds try to reconcile the events that happen in our lives. Although I am no dream "expert," I truly believe that right now your heart and mind are trying to cope with the physical absence of your beloved Smedley, and this is being reflected in your dreams. I hope that as your deep grief eases and you are better able to focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Smedley share, you will begin to have happier dreams of your beloved Smedley.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I miss Smedley so much...

For me the grieving really has been in ebbs and flows - I have periods of time where I feel ok or even numb and then other times breakdowns where all the pent up grief that is not acceptable to show in everyday life spills out.

As much support as I have had from people in my life, I don't think they can really ever know how much losing him devastated me and how it has changed me on a deep level. I'm not the same person anymore, part of me really did go with him.

Heartbroken,

Thanks for checking in. I'm so sorry about how difficult things have been for you! You will continue to be in my prayers.

And I hope knowing that Smedley is still with you (just not in physical form, which makes things so difficult to grasp) brings at least some measure of comfort.

We are here for you!

Kathy

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. Indeed, when our beloved companions precede us to the angels they take a part of us that belongs only to them so that they can have a part of us with them as they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. So it is perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do when you share with us: "I'm not the same person anymore, part of me really did go with him."

The good news in the midst of all this deep sorrow is that you are your beloved Smedley's sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. He has entrusted to you ALL of his heart and treasured memories to you to carry with you as you continue your earthly journey. Hopefully in time this will bring comfort to your heart as the deep grief eases. And please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you as your travel your adjustment journey - - for you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sometime this week (I don't have the exact day but have it down to the week based on records) would have been his 11th birthday. He deserved to still be here for it. I just remember how sometimes while petting him I would almost cry because I loved him so much. Happy birthday Smedley. I'm completely lost without you.

Dear Heartbroken,

I am so sorry about how painful things are.

Smedley is right there with you and feels your love.

I know it is hard without his physical presence!!

For his birthday I'm sure Smedley would like nothing more than for you to have some peace.

Blessings,

Kathy

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the "first withouts" are very painful particularly during the deep grief. I know very well how you feel when you share with us: "I just remember how sometimes while petting him I would almost cry because I loved him so much." I have been the same way with each of my beloved companions who are now with the angels, as I am with my precious Noah who is my sole surviving companion in a household that used to have 4 precious companions, including my precious Noah.

While we are in this physical world, one of the ways we measure our journey is through events such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc.. But when we transition to eternal joy, there is no more "time" to measure for we - - and our beloved companions - - are restored to our former youthfulness - - there is no "aging" in eternal joy. I don't know if this is helpful to you, particularly right now in your deep sorrow, but I hope in time you will come to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you, and he is now "age free" from all the bonds of this physical earthly journey. For those of us who remain in this physical earthly realm, the "transition" in our hearts to the adjustment without the sweet physical presence of our beloved companions is a very painful one, and can only happen one day at a time, one moment at a time.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks everyone..

His birthday was very very hard for me. I got him some (very orange) tulips on his birthday and had a breakdown after that. It still hurts so much. I loved him more than anything.

dear smedley's mom,

i'm so, so very sorry to read about your loss. i'm still reeling from losing madelynne, the most cursingly tragic and traumatic loss to date (and i deal with much, much loss), and am on this site now many times a day. every loss is different, and for this one i need nearly constant support. my grief journey has taken on epic proportions...

i'm reading many posts. the kinship of the loss of a furred or feathered child on this site has greatly helped to ease my burdens. and so i landed on your story. i nearly held my breath until i read your post about the results that showed heart failure. as soon as i read your first entry, i said to myself: heart failure and there is no way she would have known. i did not read much past your post of this news, as i felt then compelled to write you if for no other reason than to assure you you didn't miss anything and even had you known, there is very little you could have done to prolong his life. your peep was asymptomatic. the reverse snorkeling noises you describe are not cause for racing to the vet. over the last years, i have found out that this is not a rare occurrence, the sudden, unexplained death in cats. having traveled in animal rescue circles for many years, one rescuer started having autopsies performed, esp. for unexplained, unexpected deaths, where nothing remarkable was present. heart failure was at the root cause of most of these. this rescuer has rescued 100s and 100s of cats over the years.

my sweet mackenzie, the reason i started here last july, died of "unknown causes." my vet performed a necropsy and the only thing she could find was that the upper chambers of mackenzie's heart were very small on the inside, i.e., thickened walls. the stress of the surgery no doubt taxed her heart terribly and she could not fully recover, dying in my arms within minutes of bringing her home. none of the extensive presurgical tests indicated there was any issue with her heart. an xray showed a normal heart. had i had an mri done, it would have shown this heart defect she lived with her entire life. but, an mri was not part of the protocol, nor was it indicated since exam and xray showed her heart to be fine. she managed this very well and hid this ailment perfectly. her lifestyle was very calm and sedentary and exclusively indoors. once she passed the wild times of kittenhood, she enjoyed her days slumbering, eating, and finding me for attention. she was only 12 when she died. my vet explained to me that cats dying "unexpectedly," is not uncommon, even very young ones, like during spay surgeries. no one would think a very young peep, 6 months or younger, would die of heart failure. but this happens more than we realize. my vet always does a full exam before any procedure involving anesthesia, and any other tests that are warranted.

this blog by christine kane may be of comfort to you: http://christinekane.com/on-losing-a-beloved-pet/. this one as well, http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-d...eving-young-man.


again, i'm so very, very sorry for your loss.