Our beloved Scarlett passed away this Thursday, July 11, 2013. The heartbreak is unbearable. We are grief stricken and guilt ridden. She had be dealing with recurring UTI's since the Fall - we would go to the vet - the vet prescribed antibiotics and she'd be clear of the UTI only to have another. This kept happening so we (my husband and I) brought our little Scarlett to a holistic Vet to try to get to the bottom of the UTI's once and for all. Scarlett was again put on a round of Antibotics - my husband brought her into the Vet and I told him to hold off on getting her tested - her history had always been that the test would come back clear and then she'd have another UTI a week later. Scarlett began getting lethargic. We had her on a number of Vitamin supplements and fresh dog food that she just absolutely loved. We brought her back to the vet and asked about her lethargy the vet said she may not be getting the right about of carbs. The owner of the place where we got her fresh food recommended that we add a digestive enzyme to her diet and nutritional powder. That night at her dinner I gave her both - when we went to bed she coughed like she had something stuck in her throat - I massaged her throat and my husband took her downstairs to stay with him on the couch. He said her breathing would be ok when he held her on his chest but not regular when she laid by herself. The next morning she was fine except for the fact that she stopped eating - we thought it was because she had the bad experience the night before, maybe it was the enzyme, maybe it was just an allergic reaction. We brought her back to the vet. The vet said she looked fine - and maybe the enzyme was too intense. We stopped all the supplements and just tried to get her to eat. We talked about getting her tested for the UTI (a culture) after she started to eat normally again so we could get an accurate reading. The test runs about $200 so we opted to hold off.

Scarlett started panting more and her breathing became more labored but as it did my husband and I never thought this was serious - we don't know why but we just didn't. Scarlett became more and more lethargic over the next couple days - Saturday July 6th, 2013 we took our baby to the beach - we walked around for hours - her spirits were up - and we hoped she would be hungry when we got home. We did think that possibly she had stopped eating because she was becoming picky. Me and my husband tried to get her all different kinds for foods to tempt her - to no avail - I would even try to put egg whites in her mouth, which she would look at me and then promptly she'd spit out. By monday I looked at my sweet baby and knew something was wrong - my husband came home and we decided we'd take her in to see her vet early the next morning. When we got to her vet she informed us that this was an emergency and that they were not equipped to handle it - she gave us the info for an Emergency Hospital. We rushed her over to the ER. After taking blood and an x-ray it was thought that she had pancreatitis - we took her home with an IV - the next day no change in her so we took her back and admitted her. We saw another doctor this day and she informed us that this could be serious and linked it back to her UTI's. We placed her there for 48hr care - went to visit her at night, called a couple times to check on her. The last call being on July 11th 7am. The nurse said she was waging her tail. 20mins later we got the call - her heart stopped. We ok'ed CPR but our little angel was gone. The final lab results aren't in but it's believed that she died from her chronic UTI - it was never fully cleared and we can't help feeling like its our fault, had we tested her sooner, brought her in sooner maybe she'd still be with us. We r devastated by her passing & the guilt is unbearable. I've had many deaths in my life my parents died by the time I was 5 yrs old, my grandmother who raised me when I was 18 - my husband has had family members pass away too and his childhood furry baby Brandy but Scarlett's passing is beyond bearable for either of us - my husband and I are inconsolable.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, please permit me to offer you and your husband my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scarlett. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Scarlett's Mom, please let me try to offer you and your husband some words of comfort in this time of great sorrow. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions that we ALL experience is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the more challenging of emotions to reconcile - - for it stems from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't quite make sense at the time the events were happening.

Please let me try to reassure you that it is obvious from what you have shared with us that you and your husband did EVERYTHING that is in your humane and human power to give your beloved Scarlett a happy and healthy earthly journey. You and your husband even sought assistance from an holistic veterinary care provider. As it is with human medicine, so it is with veterinary medicine as well - - sometimes the treatments can help our companions have a good quality of life, while sadly - - as is the case with your beloved Scarlett - - all the efforts to provide our companions expert care their precious sweet physical bodies simply do not respond - - and we are left with broken hearts wondering "why" and "what if".

Scarlett's Mom, unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey of all the "first withouts" and the memories that are right now very painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But I promise you, Scarlett's Mom, that one day when you least expect it you and your husband will be thinking of your beloved Scarlett and you will find yourselves smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill once again with the warmth of all your treasured memories of your beloved Scarlett.

But it is just going to take time for this moment to come for you and your husband. The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your husband share with your beloved Scarlett is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journeys as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your and your husband's heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to the both of you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of grief. I can only hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you and your husband some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your husband travel your grief adjustment journeys.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scarlett with us, Scarlett's Mom, and for the wonderful picture of you as a family. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, Scarlett's Mom, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much moon_beam. Thank you for taking the time to respond to our plea for help - your words are so helpful. We are still in the depths of our grief, we are grabbing onto your words like a life preserver.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I hope today is treating you both kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom, and Dad. I am just someone here who had to put my cat to sleep July 5, so I know something of what you are feeling.

I have nothing special to say, as I am still going through the changes. But reading your story, I can't help but feel you have nothing to feel guilty about. You stepped up amazingly to help Scarlett. She had a wonderful life with you. There are some things we can't do. The world isn't like that.

I know how it is, comparing losing people, versus losing pets. It is best not to compare it. My mom died last December and I hardly want to admit that Shelby's loss was different, maybe worse.

I hope things start to fall into place for you soon, and you will lose that feeling that you didn't do enough. You did a lot, and Scarlett knows it. I am not just talking about her last times, but throughout her life, you did great.

Scarlett's Mom and Dad, I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved Scarlett. When you say that you are inconsolable, I know how you feel. I was that way with the passing of our bulldog Jake, my soulmate, exactly one year ago today. Nothing could diminish my grief and pain. Over time, however, the pain became less sharp and I am now comforted by the belief that God will one day reunite me with Jake. I feel confident that He will do the same for you and Scarlett.

This is so hard - we feel so numb. Tomorrow is looming - tomorrow will make a week and the what if's, why's and should have's seem to be playing even louder in our heads.

Our little angel was the world to us. I find myself calling for her out loud in the home as I always would. My husband has to try to keep it together for work and calls me when its too difficult for him to put on the social mask, since I work from home I'm able to take this time off but am left without my baby girl - we'd spend the morning, afternoon and early evening together everyday. I'd take a break to rub her belly or just put her on my lap as I worked on the computer. By far the hardest time is bedtime as we'd all go to sleep together - and I usually have Scarlett's little beautiful head laying on my pillow or she'd snuggle under the covers between the both of us. The mornings are not good either because we'd all start the day together. The last mornings she would stare at me and I would stare right back at those big beautiful eyes, oh what we wouldn't give to have them staring at us today...

Thank you all who have written - your words are comforting. And Tomorrow, Tomorrow oh how we dread tomorrow...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. From first hand experience I can so relate to what you share with us: "Tomorrow oh how we dread tomorrow". Indeed, during the very painful deep grief every moment of every hour of every day is a constant deep seering pain both emotionally and physically. The feeling of the ache in our hearts and body are real - - for grieving is very physically painful.

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, rub against us, lick / kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally experience a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprinting - - and it very physically painful.

It is vitally important that you and your husband get plenty of rest, provide your bodies proper nourishment - - as best as you possibly can - - and keep any additional stresses to a minimum as much as possible - - for grieving takes a tremendous amount of energy and stamina - - particularly during the deep grief, as your body is literally in "survival" mode.

It is also important not to look down the "tomorrow" road while you are in very deep grief - - but rather to focus on taking one day at a time - - one moment at a time. And it is also vitally important that you and your husband give yourselves the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Scarlett, for clinical and scientific studies prove that the tears you cry are literally healing tears - - for they literally wash the toxins out of your body that build up in the tissues from the stress of grief.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Please let me share my deepest condolences for the loss of your girl Scarlet. My Lucy hasn't passed yet, I'm spending as much time as I can with her here at home before she dies. She has late stage lymphoma and we are making her comfortable.

I am also wondering if there is something we did that caused this, but it's cancer. Cancer often sweeps our love ones away without any explanation.

I hope that you can find some kind of comfort here on the forums. I haven't been here long, but the people are wonderful. Their support has been so helpful to me.

It was helpful to me to hear that you were able to take Scarlet to do some of her favorite things before she passed. My husband and I have been able to do the same thing. We've taken her to her favorite park, had professional family pictures taken, and she is enjoy some of her favorite treats. I hug her, tell her how much she is loved, encourage her to find her comfortable spots, and just "be" with her.

As Moonbeam says, make sure you take care of yourself. You did all you could for her. I also lost a dog four years ago, and what helped me was staying in my normal routine as much as possible. I eventually learned that doing this was best for me. I also set aside a time for mourning everyday. However you mourn is deeply personal and is unique to each individual.

I know words aren't adequate, but my heart cries for your Scarlet. Please know you are my thoughts as you journey through this terribly painful time.

From the bottom of our hearts we thank all of you for your replies - this site is truly a God send. Just as we feel like we are finding solid ground beneath us it falls away from us. Scarlett's Doctors have spoken to each other to try to understand what happened. Though I couldn't bring myself to talk to them my husband has and we have some follow up questions for them - we are trying to understand (if we can) why this happened medically.

I see our baby girl everywhere but don't feel her around anywhere. We fortunately live in an amazing neighborhood with caring neighbors who have reached out to us - and we've tried to go on Scarlett's walks but that is gut wrenchingly hard. Moonbeam your words about "tears being healing and removing toxins from are bodies" have helped me and my husband in our grief - for now our eyes are still blurry from tears and our hearts remain broken. We wish we could shield everyone from this loss and pain.

We are beginning to feel blessed that we were able to take Scarlett out to the beach days before she passed (this is a photo of our Scarlett on that day) but it is also a reminder of the days we won't have in the future...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and the wonderful picture of your beloved little girl. She is a sweetheart - - and I do mean the present tense "is" - - for her sweet Living Spirit continues to share your and your husband's daily events and routines even though you cannot physically see, hear, feel, taste, or touch her.

I am also glad your husband is finding the strength and courage to speak with the vets about what happened with your beloved little girl, and I'm very glad the vets are consulting with one another to try to find a definitive answer for you. Sometimes a necropsy - - which is the veterinary version of a human autopsy - - can help to fill in the unknowns. But when this isn't possible, a post-mortem forensic review of your beloved Scarlett's records and tests done might help to shed some light on the events that led to her sudden medical crisis. Please let us know how things go.

Slowly, hopefully, you will find yourself finding more things to be thankful for as your deep grief eases - - such is the case with being able to see your beloved little girl enjoy her trip to the beach several days before she transitioned home to the angels. It is these types of loving memories that your beloved Scarlett wants you and your husband to focus on. Since we are not gifted with the privilege of foreknowledge, and therfore do not know the when and how our companions will precede us to the angels, it is so important for us to focus on the blessing we have of sharing our lives with them - - for their earthly journey is NEVER long enough no matter how many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years we have with them.

But it will still be some time before you and your husband will be able to more consistently focus on the many treasured memories you have with your beloved Scarlett. It is important that you and your husband do not force yourselves to do something that you are not emotionally strong enough to do yet - - for instance, walking the route you took with Scarlett around your neighborhood and other places you visited together. It really is okay to alter your routes when you go walking, Scarlett's Mom - - there is no need to inflict additional sorrow on yourselves.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Scarlett with us, Scarlett's Mom. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moonbeam and everyone else that has replied to us - thank you for your responses and for sharing your personal stories they are helping us deal with our loss.

Our neighbors have checked in with us and expressed the void the neighborhood feels without Scarlett. Spoke to the ER Vet and she said Scarlett was responding to the antibiotics and was on her way to recovery and out of nowhere something made her throw a blood clot - the guilt we feel is still present, all the "what if's" and "why's" continue to swirl around our heads and I find myself praying to our sweet angel for forgiveness.

Time seems to go by so slowly, tomorrow will make two weeks since our beautiful Scarlett passed, the void in our home is unbearable but our new reality at home without our baby girl is beginning to set in. Other "first withouts" are hitting us hard. My husband and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary tomorrow and we're going out of town and the pain from our loss stings even more as we would have brought our baby girl with us to celebrate... we are breathing deeply and trying to remain present and that is all we can find the energy to do.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. From first hand experience I do so well understand when you share with us: "we are breathing deeply and trying to remain present and that is all we can find the energy to do." One day at a time, Scarlett's mom and dad.

I am glad your vet has arrived at a definitive diagnosis as to what happened with your beloved Scarlett. Blood clots usually cannot be "predicted" - - neither you, your husband, nor the veterinary care providers had any control over what happened - - each of you did the very best you could for your beloved Scarlett. I hope at some point in time your heart will be able to find peace.

I know your and your husbands anniversary will not be the same without your beloved Scarlett's sweet precious physical presence to share it with you. But I hope somehow you and your husband will feel her sweet Living Spirit celebrate with you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The tears come in waves now, out of nowhere and I've noticed some shortness of breath. The pain is searing - trying to go out has lead to weird experiences, just as I find myself in conversation an image of our baby girl will come to my mind and I am brought to tears. More sympathy cards have come in the mail which brings comfort to us but also tears at our hearts. We still have more questions for the ER Vet as she gave us conflicting information about our baby girl. The emptiness is overwhelming, we don't feel her anywhere - were hoping to have a sign come from her but we haven't been blessed with a visit from her.

This is so incredibly hard... so incredibly hard.

Feeling so grateful to have a place like this to go to.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your and your husband's deep sorrow is palpable, and I share with you your deepest sorrow. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "The tears come in waves now, out of nowhere and I've noticed some shortness of breath. The pain is searing - trying to go out has lead to weird experiences, just as I find myself in conversation an image of our baby girl will come to my mind and I am brought to tears." Your grief is REAL, and the physical symptoms you are experiencing are a part of your deep grief journey. It is important that you try to keep the stress at a minimum and that you give yourself the opportunity to go to a quiet room when you begin to feel the shortness of breath and any other physical symptoms you are feeling until you can regain control of your breathing. If you find yourself not being able to breathe it is vitally important that you go to an ER or see your doctor if you need to.

Some people need a longer time to experience "signs" from their beloved companions. BUT this does not mean that their love bond connection is broken - - it simply means that their "sensitivity" reception to feeling their beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit needs more time to develop. Whatever happens please know that your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - whether or not you "feel" her close to you.

Sadly, this grief adjustment journey is one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. I am so very glad you found us here at Lightning Strike, and hope that you and your husband will feel comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for blessing us by sharing your beloved Scarlett with us. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Moonbeam, your words are like a light shining in the darkness of grief me and my husband find ourselves.

Today has been hard as today marks three weeks since our beautiful baby Scarlett has passed. We continue to feel guilty about not testing our baby girl when we brought her in a week before she passed and have scheduled another talk with the ER VET as she and Scarlett's Holistic Vet spoke to each other and then we were told conflicting information of Scarlett's health and stay at the ER.

We find ourselves wishing and hoping for the ability to go back in time and re-write the past but sadly we know that is not possible. All me and my husband want is our baby back and knowing that that is not possible is excruciatingly painful... I find myself looking at photos of our baby girl, looking at the chair she'd sleep on or just looking up to the heavens and asking for her forgiveness... days before she passed she would stare at me as if she was trying tell me something was wrong - that's why we rushed her to the Vet and ER, it was like she was trying to stay here with us and we failed her.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. Please let me try to reassure you that you did NOT fail your beloved Scarlett. Sadly we are mere humans - - we have no control over physical life and physical death. I hope and pray with all my heart that someday you and your husband will be able to find comfort in your hearts that your beloved Scarlett is forever grateful to you for all your love and dedication to her during her earthly journey. She really does not want your hearts entrenched in unresolvable guilt, Scarlett's Mom - - but rather she wants you and your husband to be able to remember her with a happy heart so that you can embrace the many treasured memories you and your beloved Scarlett share. Hopefully one day this will happen for the both of you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing, and how things go with your latest consult with the ER vet regarding what happened with your beloved Scarlett.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Danashelchan, Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for sharing your story - so sorry to hear about your loss. They truly are our babies and the absence of her physical presence continues to be unbearable. This site has been so helpful - again, just wanted to thank you for your kind words and to express our sympathies to you and your family.

Moonbeam,

I have a question about insensitive comments: Our baby passed away one month ago today - the adjustment to her not being with us is physically continues to be incredibly difficult. On top of this loss I've had to deal with a family member being insensitive to our grief. Me and my husband decided a while ago not to have children, a choice my family never understood but just the other day my Aunt made it her business to let me know all of her thoughts - I was told horrendous things like Scarlett was only a dog, why don't you have a child then you'll understand that Scarlett was not your baby, get over it, that I was weird and if I told any parent that had lost a real child about our grief over Scarlett they would take offense to it since she was only a dog not a person. Already raw from our loss of Scarlett these words from my Aunt inflicted even more pain on us. I told her that this was only her opinion and got off the phone as quick as I could and haven't spoken to her since - this was a couple days ago. Have you ever had to deal with this? I'd love to hear any suggestions on how to heal from this and deal with it, I know I can't handle another verbal assault from her.

Also, I wanted to let you know how we are doing after speaking to Scarlett's ER Vet. There were many decisions and mini decisions we made over the two weeks prior to Scarlett's passing that we've replayed over and over in our minds. We spoke to the ER Vet - she was patient and extremely knowledgeable about Scarlett's condition and it is also clear that she still questions her colleagues misdiagnosis of Pancreatitis.

What happened to our sweet baby girl could not be fully explained - the ER Vet said that when we brought our baby in she was extremely sick and had become septic but that she should have recovered, she should have pulled through. The ER Vet said Scarlett was responding to the antibiotics and was well on her way to recovery. The ER Vet explained that in her practice she had treated other furry babies that have come in completely septic and in far worse condition then our Scarlett and made a complete recovery.

Why didn't our Scarlett recover?

It was explained to us that after our morning call checking on our baby Scarlett let out a yelp and went into cardiac arrest. The ER Vet was not there at that time but this is what the on duty doctor noted. The ER Vet attributes the yelp to a blood clot, she said that in her professional opinion the blood clot was a reaction to the Urinary Tract Infection - it was her bodies response to the infection. It was then explained to us that Veterinary medicine is not a perfect science - and it is based on human medicine. The ER VET said in hindsight the only thing that may have been an option would have been to put our baby on a blood thinner while she was in the hospital but that may have opened her up to other medical problems, but again that's only with the benefit of hindsight.

The fact that Scarlett's ER Vet repeated over and over that we brought our baby to the ER in time for her to recover and that she was well on her way to a full recovery has lifted some heaviness off our hearts and souls which we are so grateful for. The void in our lives without our baby girl is beyond what words can express but we are trying to adjust by taking it one day at a time.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I am so glad you are finding comfort in the information the ER vet is providing you. Unfortunately blood clots cannot be predicted, and when they happen they are, sadly, usually fatal. While blood thinners may have helped to prevent a blood clot from forming, the ER vet is correct in that the effects of the medication could have posed other more serious side-effects. Several years ago while I was hospitalized for serious injuries I had to be on blood thinners to prevent blood clots from forming, and I had to be monitored very closely for bleeding when I underwent additional surgeries.

As to the matter of the insensitivity of your Aunt, - - sadly, sometimes the people who are closest to us both emotionally and geographically are the people who are the least sensitive to our feelings of grief when we are adjusting to the physical absence of a beloved companion. I, too, have family members who are totally insensitive to me, - - so I simply avoid talking to them about my companions. I am the only sibling who has never married and never had human children - - and yes, my siblings do take GREAT EXCEPTION to me talking about my companions as my "chlidren". The fact that you and your husband have decided not to have human children is YOUR business - - no one else's - - not even your Aunt's. It is obvious that she has made her position clear to you, and that she has no intention of extending any compassion to you and your husband in your grief journey. While it is hard to avoid contact with family members, my advice to you and your husband is to keep the topics of discussion as simple as possible and AVOID all discussion concerning your feelings about your beloved Scarlett. I do know from first hand experience how deeply it hurts to be scoffed at and rejected because of your feelings for your beloved Scarlett, but you are "changing the rules" of your relationship with your Aunt for your and your husband's self-preservation from emotional abuse from your Aunt. This is YOUR right, Scarlett's Mom, and your Aunt needs to learn to respect your rights. You and your husband are intelligent adults and deserve to be treated with respect.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing, and how things go with your latest consult with the ER vet regarding what happened with your beloved Scarlett.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom,

First, let me say how sorry I am that you lost your sweet dog. I've seen the photos you posted and she is just beautiful! I lost my two cats, Joe and Steve, just 11 days ago and the pain I experience daily is just raw and deep and I grieve right along side you.

My husband and I also chose not to have children and our fur-babies ARE our children. I know what you mean about some people not understanding the depth of love that can be felt for an animal. Let me just say that this is a flaw with THEM. I was on the phone the other day with a friend who is a pet lover, but who also lost her husband three years ago. She spoke to me of her sadness over losing pets in the exact same way as she spoke of her pain over losing her husband. (Her husband adored their pets, too.). To her it was like one was not different from the other and she spoke of them interchangeably. In times like this, we just learn who to avoid and who to go to for comfort. Some people just don't get it and too bad for them, really, because they will never understand how much joy can come from loving and being loved by an animal.

On a different note, I understand the guilt and regret that can come after losing a pet, but rest knowing you did everything you could for Scarlett. Best of all, you gave her a wonderful life and a loving family. She was lucky to have you!

CritzyJ

Moonbeam and CritzyJ -

It hurts my soul to know that others have had to deal with this kind of insensitivity at such a painful time. Thank you both for your insight - I still haven't spoken to my Aunt but when I do I will take your advice Moonbeam and just stay off this topic with her. I don't know how anyone could say such hurtful words but that is life, I guess. So happy I found you guys here - its been so healing reading about others stories... CritzyJ so sad to read about Joe and Steve our thoughts and prayers are with you. Moonbeam I read your posts about your Abbygale and Oslo - so very sorry for your loss as well.

My husband and I are devastated by the physical absence of our baby girl, talking to her ER Vet alleviated some of the heaviness in our hearts. We continue to keep a white candle lit for her in the house which helps some. I would never have been able to understand all our emotions had it not been for this site and this is what is helping us through this. The pain from our loss continues to be searing but every now and then we can bring ourselves to talk about Scarlett and smile and laugh at her amazing spirit. She taught us so much with her short life and continues to do so with her passing.

The tears are flowing once again as I write this post, thanks to you Moonbeam and all the other loving people on this site I know that at some point this pain will ease but for right now it just hurts so so much

This is a photo from the day we took our baby home on my birthday in 2006

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and this wonderful picture of you and your beloved Scarlett. When we welcome a companion into our hearts and lives, the furthest thing from our minds is the inevitability that they will precede us to the angels. And this is how it should be - - for if we were endowed with the gift of foreknowledge as to the time and manner in which they would no longer be physically with us, we would then be faced with the decision of not having them in our lives at all to spare us the pain of adjusting our lives without them. But this would then deprive us of knowing and sharing their sweet precious physical lives, - - and would deprive them of knowing the true bond of love with a human caregiver. So, as painful as it is to adjust your and your husband's lives without your beloved Scarlett's sweet precious physical presence, you and your husband alone are blessed with the eternal gift of being your beloved Scarlett's Forever Mom and Dad. And I promise you that part of this blessing is the promise that one day - - at your and your husband's appropriate time - - the both of you will be reunited with your beloved Scarlett in eternal joy.

But until that day arrives, your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she has her own special place in your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessing with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom,

I read your story about your beloved Scarlett, I'm so sorry about your loss.
I know exactly how you're feeling: I lost my yorkie-girl Sosso at the 5th of July, a few days before Scarlett's passing.
I found my girl on the streets, abandoned, at 2006.I welcomed her in my life and the last seven years were the best of my life.

Like you, I work at home, that means I spent most of the day with her by my side.When I wasn't at home without her-pretty rare- I was looking forward to return just to give her a hug & a kiss.I was sleeping with her in my arms every night and in the morning we used to have our breakfast together.We were so close..she felt insecure because of her past life on the streets, plus she had turned to be blind the last 2 years because of cataract- that made me more protective of her.She passed away from kidney disease- the last month of her life was so difficult for both of us.
I think you can imagine how lost I am-I still feel the emptiness of the house, this "sound" of silence is killing me inside.
I'm looking for signs from her ever since.Nothing yet, just feeling her presence sometimes.I don't even dream of her...

I want you to know that we're dealing with the same pain at the time.It's hard and sometimes can be even harder.
Me also, have some relatives that cannot understand the ultimate bond with animals.After her death, as well as she was alive I had to face their own opinion about babies- I'm married without children, like you- but I choose to avoid such discussions ever since.Don't allow others to tell you how to feel or what to do with your life and your decisions.You're the only one who know what is exactly right for you!

I hope one day soon, you'll find peace in your heart and relief in your sorrow.
I'm sure you did the best for Scarlett, please don't feel guilty about the past.
You love her and she knows it, she always did.
I guess she's having a wonderful time right now with Sosso..somewhere..close to us.
Just be patient and keep the good times in mind.
You're definitely not alone in this.

Love & peace

Leftbehind,

Your reply was so needed - thank you for sharing and choosing the perfect words. I am so lost without our Scarlett. I seem to feel a little better and then I am in pain once again. This loss is so unbearable as you know. I am sending you healing thoughts, hoping that you are finding some peace as well. Thinking of Sosso and Scarlett together brought a smile to my face.

Sending you and your family our wishes of love and peace.

Moonbeam,

You always write the most comforting words and they are always so perfectly timed. Scarlett is the first fur baby that I've lost, prior to her passing I had no idea the impact her loss would have on my life. Somewhere I knew in my heart of hearts that when Scarlett was no longer with us in this world it would be unbearable but the actual experience is so much harder than I could've ever imagined - even while we are still in so much pain we know our lives are greatly enriched because of her and all this pain is worth it because of the love Scarlett gave to us in return. I would always pick our baby up and lay her on my chest so our hearts would beat together... this is one of the happier images I try to cling to.

I know I not only speak for myself but the others here on Lightning-Strike when I express my appreciation for you and the time you take to write to everyone - it has been the only thing that has been helping me and my husband.


Thank you so very much.

Today has been rough... actually every day since our baby passed away has been unbearable. I've had moments where I felt I was turning a corner in my grief only to be reminded that nope I am still grieving deeply. We are talking about getting another furry baby, just talking about it for now as we don't feel well enough to invite another furry one into our hearts just yet. We are about to start talking to breeders regarding future litters. This has been the only thing that has given us something to look forward to. My life feels empty and meaningless without Scarlett. The "what if's" have crept in again - I just wish I knew when this unbearable grieving will end. I feel like I'm fumbling through this dark place trying to gain some steady ground.

Hi Scarlett's Mom,

I know how you feel. It's been a month since my kitties left me. I had a couple of tearless days over the weekend (mostly because of distractions from having company) and then today I'm sooooo sad. I found a quote this morning that I posted in my thread:

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

The dark tunnel seems so long, doesn't it?

I'm happy to hear you're thinking about getting another fur-baby. Take your time. Best to pass a ways through the grief before having a distraction (even it it's a cute, furry distraction) to keep you from addressing your current sorrow. You'll never "get over" Scarlett, as you know. But make sure you're ready. I lost a puppy 12 years ago and it was about 3 months afterwards that we got Vanessa. I started yearning for a new puppy after about 8 weeks and then spent the next few weeks researching and searching until we found her. It was the right time. Your new baby will be so lucky to be welcomed into your family when the time is right and I believe you'll know when that time is.

Blessings to you for a good day today,

CritzyJ

CritzyJ,

Thank you for sharing that quote - "Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

It is completely accurate - the tunnel seems endless - trying to embrace the knowledge that at some point we will see the light. My heart breaks for your loss as well, losing two babies in one day is just unfathomable to me.

We are talking to breeders right now but know that we are still way too deep in our grief to bring home a furry one at this time. I've gone to rescues to play with the babies there and have had friends bring over theirs so we can be around that loving energy. We will only bring one home when we feel it is right.

This is so hard to go through, as you know, we are grateful for the support we have received here, don't know how we would be able to get through this loss without people like you, moonbeam and all the others here on this site.

Hope you are having a good day today and am keeping you in my thoughts.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. The quote CritzJ shared with you is really so accurate about this grief journey - - as we enter the tunnel in our very deep sorrow there is only darkness - - not even a speck of dim light showing us the way. The good news is that eventually - - in our own way and in our own time - - we finally find ourselves at a point where there IS a speck of light leading us through the tunnel back into better times. And the comfort comes in knowing we are not alone navigating the darkness - - we are among friends here who truly do know what we are feeling and going through, and how frightening the darkness can be. Here there are no time limitations, Scarlett's Mom - - we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I do so understand how empty your and your husband's hearts and arms are feeling. Rest assured that your beloved Scarlett is already leading your path to the moment in time when you will embrace a new companion into your heart and life. And the timing will be PERFECT, Scarlett's Mom - - there will be no doubt in your and your husband's hearts. Please know we are here for you when you are ready to celebrate a new companion.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I just put together this video to honor our Scarlett's life... wanted to share her with all of you. Thank you for helping us deal with our loss... Here's the link: https://vimeo.com/73336102

Oh, Scarlett's Mom,

That video was amazing! It made me smile and made me sad. I loved how Scarlett played with her "friend" in the mirror and I giggled at the photos of her "humidity hair." I can relate! What a beautiful dog and what love you and your husband gave her, documented so well over the years. I love the quote, "We never wanted memories, we only wanted you." I feel the same way. In the last four weeks I have memorialized my boys in so many ways... a necklace, a Christmas ornament, engraved gardens stones. Each time I say, "Oh, this is so nice. But I never wanted a stupid necklace, a stupid rock, I just wanted my kitties." Videos are amazing, photos are amazing, but the real thing is the most amazing thing.

I'm so happy for Scarlett that she had such an amazing family. What a gift you gave her. And after seeing that video, PLEASE don't for a moment feel guilty for not doing enough. It is so clear that you loved her and cared for her in every way possible. There are some things we just can't do, can't know.

My husband and I decided not to have kids, so the fur-babies in our lives are our children. It's clear the same is true of you. There will be another sweet, furry one in your future who will bring joy to your family and Scarlett's presence will still always live in your home and in your hearts.

Thanks for sharing your video of Scarlett. It made my evening!

CritzyJ

In response to your post on my thread...

I've "heard" my kitties, too. The first two nights I heard scratching around in a litter box that was no longer there. I also thought I felt kitty feet on the bed. The other day, I could have sworn I heard claws digging at a chair in the dining room. At first, these things caught me off guard and an overwhelmed me with sadness, but I have decided now to just say "thank you." I'd rather sense their presence than not have it at all. I'll keep hoping for you that you'll see Scarlett in a dream sometime soon.

CritzyJ

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for honoring us in sharing with us this beautiful loving tribute to your beloved Scarlett. As CritzyJ has already commented, I too share your heartfelt sentiments: "we only wanted you." I am smiling through the tears in my eyes at all the treasured memories you have shared with us in this tribute, which only reaffirms that it is obvious you and your husband did everything in your power to give her a happy and healthy earthly journey. The true reality is that our earthly journey with our beloved companions is never long enough - - for we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, - - one more lifetime with them.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

CritzyJ,

Thank you for watching Scarlett's video and for your kind words. It was hard to put the video together but it feels great to honor her soul and the time we had together. Honestly we find it healing and at the same time difficult to watch. Wish we could just jump inside the video to be with her again. Can't help but to feel we were all cheated out of time... precious time that we will not able to share together.

I read your other post about "the scratching at the litter box that's not there and the kitty paws on your bed" - what a blessing to have had so many experiences with your babies "presence." The transition from having Scarlett here with us physically to experiencing her presence is still a horrible shock but we are glad to have them - better than nothing, right?

Tonight I decided to go for what was me and Scarlett's usual evening walk, as you know from having a pup, when you go for the walks at the same time every day you end up seeing the same people... it was wonderful to see some of those people and their four-legged babies again.

Hope you're having a great evening and that your cold has subsided.

You WERE cheated and that's part of what's so awful about your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I had a puppy named Karen who died before she had her first birthday. We got her from the pound and didn't know she had been exposed to distemper until she was 10 months old. So, even though we had gotten all her vaccines right away, this thing was already inside her and by the time we realized what was going on, it was too late. It was a horrible shock and my husband and I were both devastated. Losing Joe and Steve has been hard on multiple levels, but the one sadness I don't have is anything about them not having full lives. So, you are justified in feeling cheated. She should have lived longer.

On a different notes, good for you for going on your old walk. I'm sure it was good to see your dog-walking friends, but it couldn't have been easy and there were probably lots of questions about Scarlett. Taking that step and also putting that video together... those are good signs for you. Looks to me like you're healing a bit inside.

Hope you have a good day today!

CritzyJ

Oh, no... you dealt with the loss of a puppy? THAT is awful. So sorry, that had to be rough. The loss of our furry one's are extremely hard and then when you add the fact that they were so young??? It just fills the mind and heart with disbelief and makes one question why they were taken at such a young age?

And yes, on my walk there were many questions, many tears shed and hugs given. Was told again how much the neighborhood misses our Scarlett and that made me cry too but they were tears shared with others that know Scarlett... was sad and comforting at the same time. I think you're right when you say I'm "healing a bit inside." Though some days it feels like we take two steps forward and then three steps back... here's to us going forward in this tunnel of grief... here's to us seeing the light.

Have a great day CrizyJ.

Moonbeam,

Oh, to have one more lifetime would be fantastic!

Thank you for watching Scarlett's tribute - we always loved introducing our baby to others - anyone who met her couldn't help but to fall in love with her. And I guess in some way the video will continue to do that - introduce our Scarlett's soul to others. Just had that realization while writing to you and it brought a smile to my face...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, just stopping by to let you know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, you and your husband are her living legacy - - the beneficiaries of her eternal love - - and her Living Spirit will continue to shine through your sharing her earthly journey with you. Thank you so much for honoring us here in sharing your beloved Scarlett with us.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

So, every day that passes seems to be a milestone. Our Scarlett's passing is almost approaching the two month mark and we are still in shock. We still look for her everywhere and still expect to see her even though we know its not possible. One shift that has happened for us is that we recently have started to feel her presence - ever so slightly - but we are happy for every little glimmer of her sweet soul.

We met with a breeder and stood at her home for hours with all of her cavalier's... they were of all different ages and just climbed all over me and my husband. Was an incredibly healing experience for both of us. We are not ready to bring in another furry one into our hearts just yet but we were happy with our experience... the heaviness in our hearts was lifted ever so slightly.

Signs continue to come to us. On the day we went to visit the breeder there was a cloud formation over the breeders home that strangely resembled a cavalier frolicking in the sky. I'll post a photo of that later. Today there was another... an orchid pedal fell and landed on our Scarlett's bed... I attached a photo below.

We are still reeling from our loss - just today I saw our regular mail woman - haven't seen her since Scarlett's passing. When she asked about Scarlett I broke down and just started balling my eyes out. Focusing on breathing, trying to stay present and holding our precious Scarlett's memory close to our hearts.

Today is a hard day...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I know all too well the situations that arise such as your experience with your mail woman. It was another one of those painful "firsts" that cannot be avoided, and which would be painful no matter how much time has passed since your beloved Scarlett joined the angels.

I am so glad you and your husband are finding pleasure in being with the puppies. Many people find it comforting to "pet sit" for family and friends, to volunteer in the local shelter, to "foster" rescue waifs who are waiting for a Forever Home, etc., to fill the void in their hearts from the physical loss of their beloved companion. Your beloved Scarlett is smiling with much approval for you and your husband - - her Forever Mom and Dad - - to find the ways that will bring comfort to your hearts. And rest assured your beloved Scarlett is already guiding another companion to intersect your path so that just at that "right time" you and your husband will meet him / her and you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you and your new companion are meant to be together.

Thank you so much for sharing this lovely picture of the orchid on your beloved Scarlett's bed. And I'm so glad you and your husband are now being able to feel your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit with you. She may not always be "obvious" but I guarantee you she is ALWAYS with you in your heart and memories.

Scarlett's Mom, I hope you and your husband will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom,

So sorry you had a rough day today. I had one of those yesterday. The fact that we are so changed by our furry ones in both life and death IS such a testament to their lives, as you said. They are so precious. I'm now finding myself in fear of anything happening to my two pups. They were at the vet today for teeth cleanings and I was on edge all morning until I got the call that they had both woken up and were fine. What I have gone through in the last five weeks is not something I want to repeat anytime soon.

Enough of that. I'm glad to hear you and your husband are still entertaining the idea of getting a new puppy. Of course, you know that you'll know when the time is right. And what a lucky little dog it will be. You provided such a loving family for Scarlett and this new puppy will not only have you and your husband, but also the presence of Scarlett in your hearts and in your home to fill her with love and happiness. I'm looking forward to this for you!

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and I'm thinking of you and your husband as we all learn to take those little steps again.

CritzyJ

Hi Scarlett's Mom and Dad -
You gave me such a kind response about my Vienna so I wanted to send you my heartfelt condolences...and support to let you know you're not alone in your thoughts, feelings and experiences. I didn't read all of the many responses you've received but several things you've personally posted struck me because I've been having similar experiences. First, you describe seeing images or being overwhelmed by thoughts of Scarlett. I've been experiencing these same things about Vienna. The images of how sick she was before I got her to the vet, some incredibly sad ones of her eyes seemingly asking me to fix everything for her when I visited her for several days, and the desperate look in her eyes when I went to put her to sleep... These are horrible and are like flashbacks. Although this isnt a huge focus for me, I'm a psychologist who has done research on trauma and these are true symptoms of PTSD. I said something to my mom about how overwhelmed I've been by these images. As I mentioned in my response to your kind post about Vienna, my grandmother was murdered many yesrs ago and my mother found her. My mom told me that she dealt with these horrible images in the months after my grandmothers death by imagining watching a tennis match. This sounds silly except that my mom loved to play tennis and it helped her tremendously to get past these images that did nothing to help her heal. Since she told me about this, I've been envisioning my favorite singer, Stevie Nicks, in concert. It helps...although it certainly doesn't stop the images from taking my breath away initially. I'm not tying to give advice...and I'm not a therapist so I don't really have specific expertise about how to deal with trauma. But I hope you find a way to lessen these images. I know how heart wrenching they are.

I was also struck by the guilt you've expressed. Even though its the first thing anyone tells me not to feel, like you, I feel guilty about a lot of things...that I didn't realize earlier that Vienna was really sick, that I didn't take her immediately to the emergency clinic, that I didn't realize how serious this was, that I didn't visit her more frequently while she was at the vet, that I didn't love her even more when she was healthy...etc. When I got Vienna's ashes, a booklet came with it that gave tips on how to deal with guilt. It was the first thing I read that didn't just say "don't feel guilty." It said that it may be helpful to make a list of what you feel guilty about as well as one regarding all the loving things you did. As with the sad images, this hasn't relieved my guilt completely. But it made me aware of the abundance of things i did that showed my love for her throughout her life. I truly couldn't have loved her any more. And you obviously did the same for Scarlett. I wouldn't presume to say don't feel guilty. But I truly admire the depth of your love as well as understand that of your pain.

I chose not to have kids as well. And Vienna, and my previous dog Keith, gave me that opportunity to give and receive unconditional love. I know my love never wavered when they were alive. And it doesn't now. Your baby Scarlett was lucky to have you because you devoted your unconditional love to her. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope the images and guilt soon give way to a sense of peace that you had her and she had you.

Take care - Tara

Hi Scarlett's Mom and Dad -
Thanks for your response today about Vienna. I wanted to share something a friend just sent me. Given that you've had a number of experiences of significant grief, including what you're going through now, I thought this might resonate with you like it did me. It's one of those articles that I felt really gave a voice to many of my experiences now (i.e., needing to stay connected to Vienna through rituals) and from the past. I just feel so confused by the jumble of emotions I feel right now that I keep looking for ways to make sense of it. This article helped. Maybe it'll help you too.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ashley-davis..._b_3716013.html

I hope you're healing more each day. I've entered into this weird phase of frequently forgetting that Vienna isn't here...and then having the wind knocked out of me when I realize. I think you've made reference to the same thing with Scarlett. I know it's been said before but I guess this is the flip side of intense and unconditional love like you have for your girl.

Take care - Tara

Hi Scarlett's mom. I saw your comment on my post and also wanted to come over here to thank you and offer you my condolences.

I'm so so sorry. I really don't know what else to say other than it's so so difficult, almost unbearable even, and my thoughts are with you.

It sounds like you really did the best that you could and knew how to do for Scarlett, and I'm sure she knew it. It's obvious from the pictures that she was also loved for her life, even before she got sick.

Thank you for sharing this article - it was incredibly helpful.

This heartbreak is exactly as you described... "the flip side of our intense and unconditional love"

Today marks two months without our baby girl... two months ago today she passed suddenly. We miss her so much. This summer seems to be dragging on and on. Time seems to be standing still. This morning I thought my husband was carrying our Scarlett from upstairs... sometimes he would do that... it looked like she was in his arms, it was an incredible shock to my system when I realized that she wasn't in his arms. I crumpled up into a little ball and cried my eyes out.

I still can't believe she is gone. Our baby girl is gone. I've thought I've seen her from the corner of my eye a couple times before but today's vision of her was beyond difficult to deal with. The guilt continues to be present and the loss is unbearable.

Oh, Scarlett, our Scarlett, Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.

Xoxo

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing your and your beloved Scarlett's two month angel-versary with us. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "This summer seems to be dragging on and on. Time seems to be standing still." Life is standing still for you and your husband right now. Nothing seems real or important. EVERYTHING is now gauged by the physical absence of your beloved Scarlett and the deep sorrow and emptiness that is in your hearts. Please know this is a part of the normal grief adjustment journey, Scarlett's Mom. I promise you one day - - in your own way and in your own - - your heart will not be so heavy with deep sorrow.

But until this day comes for you and your husband, Scarlett's Mom, please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your grief adjustment journey. Left by ourselves we would be consumed by the deepest sorrow that our hearts can ever know on this side of eternity. Together we can find the strength and courage and comfort and hope to navigate the dark tunnel until our hearts are once again able to embrace the "new normal" of our daily routines.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Scarlett came to visit us again:

I posted on Scarlett's 2nd month Angel-versary (thank you Moonbeam for that term) on that day I had a crushing Scarlett sighting... it was so real all I could do was cry. Later that same night Scarlett came to visit us again. As I stated before, that day marked two months since the day Scarlett passed - me and my husband were not doing so good. My best friend came over to the house to lend her support and she also brought her furry baby Cody. My husband was home and we were all hanging out in the living room sharing Scarlett stories. My husband was on a leather chair on one side of our living room and me, Cody and my best friend were on the other side, sitting on the couch. Cody was laying on his mom's lap fast asleep and out of nowhere he sat up, jumped down from the couch and b - lined it to my husbands chair. Cody jumped onto my husbands lap, then made his way to my husband's chest, and once standing on my husband's chest Cody then put a paw on either side of my husband's neck and started to lick him non-stop. The thing is Cody has NEVER done any of this behavior before, we've known him for all of his life, and we've baby-sat him in our home when my friend had to go out of town and he has never done anything like this before. My best friend was in shock because she's never seen him do this before either - we all sat there stunned and sobbing because there was only one furry one that DID do this behavior - this is the exact same thing Scarlett would do to my husband. She would stand on his chest, place one paw on either side of his neck and kiss him and on top of that Scarlett would only like to kiss her daddy on his forehead (of all places) and guess where Cody was kissing him? Yup, you got it. We used to call it the Scarlett facial...

Later, after we dried our eyes my husband said that when Cody jumped down from the couch and was walking over to him he looked into Cody's eyes and my husband said they looked like Scarlett's eyes... how amazing is this experience? What an incredible blessing to have had even a little more time with Scarlett - to be given this experience - to us its proof that her sweet soul is still with us.

Thank you Moonbeam for your words, you are so right when you wrote: "Left by ourselves we would be consumed by the deepest sorrow that our hearts can ever know on this side of eternity. Together we can find the strength and courage and comfort and hope to navigate the dark tunnel until our hearts are once again able to embrace the "new normal" of our daily routines."

This mourning process is so hard - so very hard. I do not know how we would be able to deal with our grief if not for you and the others on this site.

Wow... Wow! What an amazing experience and so cool that your best friend was there to witness it, too. Scarlett's Mom, that is such an amazing thing and I think she knew you needed it after being so sad on her two-month angel-versary. I think the thing I fear the most after losing my boys is never feeling their presence again. What a gift a gift that Scarlett found a way to give you a taste of that. I've still been feeling kitty feet on the end of the bed from time to time and last week I kept catching glimpses of Steve in different places. That was really nice, since mostly I was only glimpsing Joe (the kitty feet are Joe's, too, since he always slept at my feet).

It is truly an agonizing process, a roller coaster of emotions, one step forward and two steps back. My biggest fear right now is with my dog, Vanessa. She will be 13 in January and has always had elevated liver enzymes. Just found out last week that they have now skyrocketed. High-normal level is 200 and she is at 2800! No other signs of illness, though, so the vet just wants to support her liver with some kind of supplement (I'm picking that up today). I try to just enjoy every day I have with her, rather than living in fear that I will go through all this again in the near future.

Anyway, I hope that experience with Scarlett has brought you some comfort and that future evidence of her presence will bring you a bit of joy rather than deep sadness. I hope this will be a good day for you and your husband.

CritzyJ