So true - this grief process is such an emotional roller coaster ride... I am feeling exhausted by it. Having this amazing experience with Scarlett's soul brought us so much joy - and you're right - she knew that we needed it. Each experience reassures us that she is still with us and it helps comfort us. I am sure the kitty paws on the bed and the sightings are helping you. Here's to more experiences with our babies in the future.

I still keep asking "why she had to go?" Just trying to understand what we are to learn from Scarlett's passing. I know that everything happens in life to help us live so I'm trying to remain open for the answers to come.

I wrote to you about your Vanessa's health but just wanted to again express how sorry I was to hear. Please stay positive - I know her liver enzymes will go back to normal.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as we walk through this journey... one foot in front of the other - one foot in front of the other.

~ Scarlett's Mom

Hello, Scarlett's Mom,
Just wanted to say thank you again for your kind reply to my post.
What a beautiful sign from your dear girl!
Hugs, hoping today is a good day.

Hi Scarlett's Mom -
Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story of your sign from Scarlett. I've had a few that I take to be Vienna telling me "don't worry...I'm OK." She was the queen and taskmaster of this house so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she's going out of her way to try to shape me up!

I appreciate your comment recently about trying to stay open to what Scarlett's life and passing will teach you. I was just thinking this morning about the fact that, with Vienna, I really learned about how to put another's needs before mine. Not that I'm a particularly selfish person. But I've never gone out of my way to take care or please another like I did Vienna. I'm sure there's more to learn and you reminded me to stay open, watch for the signs, and look for meaning in the loss. It's not easy when you're focused on the pain. But as you've reflected, the good will come.

I hope you're doing better each day. It sounds like you're finding ways to honor Scarlett and keep her near you. Thanks for continuing to provide that example as well as the support for others.

Tara

Missing our baby girl so much. Her "visits" have helped us to appreciate the fact that she is still here with us - just not in the same way.

We continue to mourn for our Scarlett's physical presence - she was our world. We miss taking her on her walks, brushing her ears and giving her baths... I miss holding her on my chest and feeling her heart beat next to mine. I wish that this was all some horrible dream and I'd wake up to find Scarlett was alive and well and still with us.

We keep her beds out and her water bowl out too because having them comforts us - in a way it keeps some sense of normalcy as we grieve for her.

The "should have's" and "what if's" continue but most day's I find myself saying: "I wish my Scarlett was here." Maybe its a sign that my mourning has turned a corner, I don't know. I don't trust this process... it's too unpredictable to gauge.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. Particularly during the deep grief it is very hard to "trust" much of anything we feel because we are so emotionally vulnerable. But I promise you and your husband that one day you WILL BE able to trust your feelings again - - and you will hear your beloved Scarlett's voice whisper in your heart, "it's okay, mom and dad - - I love you always and forever."

Until this time comes for you and your husband please remember we are here for you to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when the deep sorrow is a burden beyond what your heart can cope with.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Every day there's another "first-without" and it is as painful as when we heard the news that our Scarlett passed. Finding that there are so many "first- withouts" - some can be anticipated (birthdays, holidays etc) and others reveal themselves in the moment. This weekend we had friends over for dinner and it was the first time we could lay out a cheese platter on the coffee table in the living room. Scarlett would have devoured anything we placed on the coffee table so looking at the platter and knowing it would go untouched was a horrible reminder that our baby was no longer here. I did, however, silently look at the platter and say "Go ahead Scarlett - eat to your hearts content... you can have anything you want... enjoy..."

I also find myself walking around "Wishing" and "Hoping" that this is all a bad dream and we will wake up from it soon. And the GUILT continues - I can't help thinking IF I had just tested her more, been more aggressive with the medication and made sure the UTI was gone maybe just maybe her body would not have been weakened.

All I know is that our baby, our beautiful baby girl is physically not here with us and it hurts. Having had experiences with her sweet soul is what we cling to but oh how I wish I could hold her again.

I don't know if anyone watched the Emmy's last night... Rob Reiner gave a poignant tribute to Jean Stapleton in it he repeated lines from the show "All In the Family." Reiner said his feeling upon learning of Stapleton's passing mirrored what the character Archie said after Edith died: "You had no right to leave me that way, without giving me one more chance to say, 'I love you.'"

I just cried and cried and cried because I wish we had one more chance to say "I Love You" to our Scarlett. Our beautiful baby girl.

Hi Scarlett's mom -
Thank you for your message about Vienna. Given what you said to me about the images that won't go away...as well as just about everything you wrote in your most recent post about Scarlett, it sounds like we're having almost exactly the same experience. Just this morning I was agonizing over why I didn't take Vienna immediately to the emergency vet. Then this afternoon, I set a plate on my ottoman and it nearly made me sick wishing Vienna was here to try to steal the food. I didn't watch the Emmys but I had a similar experience while listening to a song today that said something to the effect of "it may get better but it'll never be alright." I don't know what to say to comfort you...or myself...but, like you said to me, just keep breathing. I have moments where I can't imagine it ever getting better. But like you, I've had enough loss and trauma to know that you do get through it.

Thanks so much for keeping me in your thoughts and checking in with me. I'm thinking of you and your dear Scarlett as well. Take care!

Tara

For us it was drinking glasses. We could never leave a glass on a counter or a table because the cats would knock them over on purpose. Sometimes soaking everything on a coffee table. Sometimes crashing them to the floor in the middle of the night, scattering glass everywhere. The first night I realized I didn't have to put every last glass in the washer before bed, it was very sad.

I'm with you, Scarlett's Mom, I just want that one last time to hold my boys, feel their fur again, and hear their purrs. I love the moments I have felt their presence, but nothing beats that actual feel and smell of them.

CritzyJ

Had a bad couple of days...

I don't know if any of you brought your furry one's on a plane with you but we always flew with our Scarlett. Because of her size she was able to fly in the cabin with us. The only protocol was that she would have to be taken out of her carrier bag so it could be screened separately. I was always the one to carry our Scarlett and so there we were, me in my socks and Scarlett on my hip walking through the metal detectors. And the TSA agents would just fawn all over Scarlett. They would comment on her beauty at first and then after her carrier would come through the xray machine and I'd put her back in it they couldn't believe how much she loved her carrier - I mean Scarlett would always just hop right back into her bag - no problem. I guess other furry one's didn't like getting back in their carriers BUT not our Scarlett she LOVED IT. And when we were on the plane we would periodically open her bag and give her tummy rubs and ice to keep her hydrated. Flight attendants always commented that they didn't even know she was on board...

The other day me and my husband were booking airline tickets and I just started balling my eyes out. All the images of our Scarlett came rushing back. I remembered how excited she'd get when she noticed we were packing the BIG suitcases and ohhh after that she'd absolutely lose it when we took out her travel bag. I sobbed and sobbed when I realized I wouldn't have to carry her through the metal detectors... no furry baby on my hip... no Scarlett to pet and give ice to on the plane... UGHHHHH!!!!

THEN today - Scarlett's regular vet sent us a vaccination reminder. Apparently the ER Vet only sent the final report on Scarlett to her Holistic Vet. We assumed the information would have been sent to her regular Vet but sadly it wasn't. I just got off the phone with them and through my tears I let them know what had happened to our Scarlett... I am barely able to breath right now... this has been a really, REALLY BAD couple of days.

Found myself on my knee's looking up to the heavens asking "why, why.... W-H-Y!!!"

Oh, Scarlett's Mom, I'm sooooo sorry. The constant reminders just seem to pop up EVERYWHERE. I think I'm fine and then WHAM! something throws me right back in the thick of it. I know that the trip you're taking will be one more first that you'll have to make it through. And then there will be another. I can't even bring myself to get rid of the cat carriers or their cat food or their new bag of litter. I see them in the garage and think that I should donate or return stuff, but haven't been able to do it yet.

I'm also so sorry the vet wasn't notified about Scarlett. That must have been hard. Even an email from PetsMart about cat food kicks me in the gut, so I can only imagine how hard it was.

I'm hoping tomorrow will bring a better day.

CritzyJ

I'm so sorry to hear you've been having some bad days. I think the reminders of the process of caring for our beloved pets are the most jarring. Vienna's groomer lives down the street from me and I can't even think about going past it because it's a sign of how much I loved her and the steps I took to care for her. That's a very special thing you did to take Scarlett with you on a plane. Not many people would do that and the "ritual" of getting ready for it obviously held its own joy for you. Now it's another reminder of the hole that's left. I totally understand how that darkens something that would otherwise have been positive for you.

I also had a moment the other night where I just fell apart and cried harder than I have since Vienna first passed. It would be nice if this were a linear progression where we could count on each day being a little easier than the last. But, as you noted, stuff just comes out of nowhere to remind you of the loss. But, as others have told me...and I'm sure you know...the tears are healing in many ways. So I hope the coming days are better for you. I'm thinking of you and hoping you find comfort in the good memories of how much love she felt from the many things you did for her.

Tara

Re: Your post to my thread:

Oooooh, twinkles of light. I've seen those, too, but never made the connection. I love the little ways they let us know they're close by.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I, too, send you my deepest comfort and friendship as you and your husband endure this newest "first without" of your beloved Scarlett's physical presence. I know what it is like to travel with beloved companions I have been blessed with through the years, and it is heartbreaking to come to that "first" when they are no longer physically sharing the excitement of the travels. And I am so very sorry that your regular veterinary care provider was not informed by the ER vet of what happened so that you would be spared this very difficult ordeal.

I hope and pray that as you and your husband embark on your travels that you will feel your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit sharing your trip with you as she always has and always will - - for wherever YOU are she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's Mom,

Just thought I'd check in to find out how you're doing. The kitties keep showing up in my dreams in the weirdest ways. I have never had fur babies who have been in my dreams so often. I saw one of my cats in a dream one time and that was it. Now, Joe and Steve just waltz through my dreams all the time. Nothing significant... they're just there. It's actually pretty comforting. It's been 9 weeks and I still miss them terribly.

How have things been with you?

CritzyJ

Hi CritzyJ,

Thank you for checking in on me. This past Sunday I went to visit a friend - she sadly had to put her furry baby to sleep last week. We were invited to join in and help celebrate her furry one's life and our Scarlett's life too. We knew she was going to have a bonfire lit so we wrote a letter to our Scarlett and when we got there we placed our letter in the fire. When we left we felt so peaceful - it was a healing experience for us to be there for our friend and also helped us with our own grief.

Then on Monday I broke down in the shower. I literally had a melt down and cried so hard that all I could do was get on my knees and pray for help to ease my heavy, broken heart. The following day I felt a little lighter, it felt like a slight shift. Maybe some acceptance, I don't know, it feels like some of the shock has eased a little. As we discussed before, this grieving process is so unpredictable I don't know if this relief is temporary or not so all I can do is look up to the heavens in gratitude for my reprieve.

Today I received a sympathy card from the Doctors at Scarlett's regular Hospital. I felt that a card might come in the mail after I spoke to them last week but I still was not ready for it. This is the Hospital we'd been taking her to since she was a puppy... kinda felt like it had all come full circle. I placed their card with the rest I have out on the mantle where I have her paw print.

Just about a half hour ago I felt our Scarlett's presence at our house, I didn't see her but I felt her and the twinkling sparkling lights continue... she hasn't come to me in my dreams yet - I'd love that - but tonights visit was nice. Her other visit - when she came to us through my best friends dog - is still so comforting. I just don't know where I am in this grief process, I really don't.

Thank you again for checking in on me.

How are you doing?

Hi Scarlett's mom -
Just wanted to say that I was thinking of you and hope you're doing well. Like you expressed above, it seems like you can go along and be feeling better...then be blindsided by the overwhelming loss. I have faith those instances will become fewer as time goes on and will be replaced by a sense of being supremely blessed that we could share whatever time we had with our babies. We were lucky...and are still lucky...to have had that kind of unconditional love in our lives.

Keep moving forward...and take care!

Tara

Thank you Moonbeam for your words: "wherever YOU are she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you" when I feel overwhelmed by the absence of our Scarlett I keep repeating your sentence to myself and it helps.

Our home feels so empty without our Scarlett - I was just thinking earlier today how me and my husband would dread taking her to the groomers. She absolutely LOVED going - all I'd have to say was "Do you want to go to the Spa?" and she would get so excited she could hardly contain herself. We would dread taking Scarlett to the groomers because when we came home without her we'd always notice how empty the house was. It was unbearable then and we knew we'd be bringing her home in a couple hours. So its extremely difficult for us now that she's passed on - its just so final you know? I mean I've just started to feel her presence in the house again and I'm so elated and grateful for those experiences but its in those times when I don't feel her at all, and all I feel is the void, the emptiness - that continues to be rough for both me and my husband.

Scarlett's three month angel-versary is coming up and I can't believe it. Its a reminder that time continues, that life continues. I don't have a complete thought with that sentence its just an observation.

Thank you for listening and for the continued support. I don't know where we'd be without it.

Scarlett's third month Angel-versary has passed and my guilt and regret still remain. I keep repeating to myself, "If I'd taken her to get tested sooner we'd still have our baby girl." Its not as constant as it was three months ago or two months ago but I do have that thought at least once a day. When the thought comes I try to tell myself that "I did the best I could for her" and I pray that one day I will believe that statement. As for now I just miss our baby girl.

My husband and I were back home for a week. Flying without our Scarlett was rough - I had the hardest time keeping my emotions at bay while going through airport security - I knew if I allowed the flood gates to open I wouldn't be able to stop the tears and the TSA agents would surely pull me off the line and into a room for a full cavity search. Once inside the airport me and my husband went to the restaurant we always went to - this time we could only stare at the empty chair at the table, the chair where Scarlett's carrier would be perched... we were struck speechless. We grabbed a couple drinks to help and started sharing stories about Scarlett. Once we boarded the plane it didn't get any better because sitting in the seat without her at my feet brought me to tears. While we were home we had even more first withouts... they were painful as well. The bed we have for her there was now unused and not having our furry baby to take care of - it was all unbearable.

On top of dealing with the loss of our Scarlett one of my Uncles passed away while I was home. The day I saw my Uncle he was in a coma and the nurse told us that he was on his "final journey" and then out of no where he came out of the coma early in the morning. The next day I went to visit him again and was able to make him laugh and tell him I love him and he told me the same. I think I felt a sense of peace but can't be sure because I also felt numb - like I was in disbelief - there I am in a hospital with a broken heart and an exhausted soul from the loss of our Scarlett and then my Uncle is dying???? I couldn't feel anything at all, I was just numb. My Uncle passed two days after my visit and my mind is just spinning. Is it just me or does there seem to be more deaths this year? I don't know.

All I do know is the void our Scarlett's passing has created is immeasurable - it just seems so deep... bottomless actually.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to try to offer you some words of encouragement and comfort.

Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your Uncle. Certainly this experiece can intensify the grief you and your husband are still going through with the physical loss of your beloved Scarlett. Clinical professionals recognize that the first year of grieving a loss is the hardest because it is filled with all the "firsts" of the major adjustments we go through. This first time traveling without your beloved Scarlett's sweet precious physical presence was a MAJOR experience all on its own merits - - which was intensified by the additional sorrow of your Uncle's passing. So please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately the way is one day at a time, one moment at a time. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Our home feels so empty without our Scarlett. .." The sound of silence when our precious companion is no longer physically with us is deafening. It's as if the house structure itself is mourning the absence of the physical energy of their earthly journey, too. Hopefully you and your husband will continue to find comfort with the Presence of your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you and remind you that she is always and forever in your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Scarlett's Mom,

How very sorry I am for the loss of your uncle. I'm so sorry that this happened on the heals of losing your dear Scarlett. Your question about the number of deaths this year, resonated with me. I lost my uncle a month ago and a favorite high school teacher of mine who had become great friends with my mom over the years. Life can just be so very sad.

You have made it through more first "withouts" and perhaps this is moving you to a place of fewer of those shocking moments without Scarlett with you.

And, by the way, you DID do the best you could do for her and she knows it!

CritzyJ

Thank you Moonbeam your responses are always comforting. And you're right, it does feel like even our home is mourning the absence of our sweet Scarlett. Dealing with our loss continues to be a moment to moment painful journey. Thank you for your condolences regarding my Uncles passing... I still don't think I've processed it - I continue to feel out of sorts. The reality of our mortality is ever present in my mind, heart and soul and I guess that is an added layer on top of our grieving.

I'm walking my neighbors furry one, Monty, while she and her husband are away for a month - it feels great to help this little guy out - I give him extra affection and belly rubs when I see him b/c it is apparent he misses his mommy and daddy. Walking Monty feels good but at times it makes me ever so aware that he is not our beautiful, perfect Scarlett.

I hold tight to the belief that our Scarlett is still with us and "is forever a heart beat close to us" as you say. For now I feel both raw and numb at the same time.

CritzyJ,

I am saddened to hear about your recent loss of your Uncle and and HS Teacher. For me my Uncles passing has added a layer to my grief - I can feel it having an affect on me but haven't fully processed it yet so that it in itself has been an unnerving experience. In being totally honest I still feel some responsibility for our Scarlett's passing, intellectually I have come to understand that I did the best for her but emotionally I can not fully embrace this statement. Maybe some day I will, maybe never... I just don't know.

I was talking to my best friend last night and explained that I had always held the belief that our Scarlett would always be taken care, I felt in my heart of hearts that Scarlett would live a long, healthy life, I always saw her growing into her senior years with grace and health and that she wouldn't and couldn't be taken from me prematurely because simply put I felt that after all the loss I'd experienced in my life "God wouldn't do that to me." Now, I'm left wondering about that belief, if it was an arrogant belief, an intention, a prayer, or does it hold no meaning at all? I don't know, I simply don't know.

I am meditating daily again and that has helped enormously - feeling numb and raw at the same time as made me hyper aware of my emotions and for the moment I feel like I'm not on that horror roller coaster ride but now on an emotional see-saw. Hope that makes sense.

I continue to keep you in my thoughts and thank you so much for doing so for me.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. It is so very kind of you and your husband to take care of your neighbor's companion while they are away.

I can imagine taking care of Monty is a two-sided coin: On the one side he is missing his mom and dad, so you and your husband being there for him until they come back home will be a comfort to him. On the other side of the coin, as you are comforting him, perhaps he can also be a source of comfort for you and your husband as you continue in your grief adjustment journey. In no way is this being "disloyal" to your beloved Scarlett - - but rather her eternal loving Living Spirit can guide Monty in offering you a "physical" presence to be a source of comfort to you during this time. When our beloved companions join the realms with the angels, they are now in a place where they can see what we need and gently guide our paths to the place where we will be able to receive it, although our hearts may be breaking at the time under the weight of deep sorrow.

As always, Scarlett's Mom, I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moonbeam as always I thank you for your words of comfort.

I do think Scarlett is trying to help us through our grief. I walk Monty every week day in the afternoon and find joy in it. When walking him I find the routine and having the responsibility helpful. I do shower him with extra hugs and belly rubs fully aware that they are for both of us.

But today was another difficult day.

I decided to break out the Harvest/Halloween decorations. It was sad to decorate without Scarlett as she would often think the decorations were fair game and to her they obviously were toys for her to play with. I would have to take the stuffed animals away from her... which would make me LOL - she was always in disbelief that these were not meant for her. So I finished decorating inside and outside our home and went to walk Monty. As I was walking back home from Monty's house I ran into another neighbor who was walking her furry ones. She looked down at my feet and I instantly knew who she was searching for and then she asked the question... "Where's Scarlett?"

It was like a bullet to my heart.

I just cried and cried - she gave me her sympathies and told me about her experiences with the losses she's dealt with. She also held my hand and asked if I thought I would bring another into our home - I said we would and she sweetly said that she was glad and couldn't wait to meet our new addition. When I came home I spoke to Scarlett - I just told her how much I love her and miss her. A couple hours later I decided to go on what would've been Scarlett's late Afternoon walk... something told me to try to start to do one of her walks a day - the thought was that I'd keep her routine, walking with Scarlett's spirit and then when we did bring another furry one into our home and hearts it would be like adding one more to the walk. Well, the walk felt great and then I came upon another neighbor - he was now walking with a cane and so I asked him what happened - after explaining his ailment to me he looked down a my feet and I knew... I knew what he was going to say before he said it... I knew by his facial expression he didn't know about Scarlett's passing and then the question - that dreaded question came and I was speechless.

It was another bullet to my heart.

Instantly he knew from my facial expression Scarlett was gone. I couldn't get the words together again - he expressed his disbelief and sympathies - he told me how he'd lost two before and how devastating it can be. I gave him a pat answer - one of those socially acceptable answers "I'll be fine, thank you so much, really appreciate it... etc" anything so I could end our conversation and get home. He didn't buy it and just expressed again how sorry he was and that he understands.

I walked away numb. I walked away wondering how one day could start off so wonderful and then end with the equivalent of not one but two emotional bullets being shot into my heart?

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yesterday was another day of "firsts" - - decorating your home for the "first time" since your beloved Scarlett joined the angels and having to share your grief in missing your beloved Scarlett with others. To do the latter once in one day is difficult; having to do it twice, especially in a short period of time, is traumatic. I can so understand your need to make a hasty retreat from your second neighbor.

Your wanting to take a walk "to go on what would've been Scarlett's late Afternoon walk... something told me to try to start to do one of her walks a day - the thought was that I'd keep her routine, walking with Scarlett's spirit and then when we did bring another furry one into our home and hearts it would be like adding one more to the walk" - - is heartwarming. This was dedicated time just for you and your precious Scarlett, and I know she will enjoy sharing the routine with you.

Scarlett's Mom, I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Scarlett's mom -
So sorry to hear you've been having such tough times with missing Scarlett and your uncle. In your recent posts you've mentioned so many things that I too have been experiencing - the guilt, trying together back into routines that are painful without our loved ones, dealing with having to explain Vienna's absence...it's all so tough.

I just wanted to send you my wishes for continuing healing. And I wanted to say that recently brought home Regen, who came from a Sheltie rescue organization because her previous mom was very sick with cancer. Regen needed me probably more than I did her and it has helped tremendously to feel that. Although I call her Vienna frequently and it's a little tough to adjust to a different personality after growing to love Vienna's so much, I really think she's helped me in focusing more on the beauty and joy in the present and the good things to come in the future. She definitely can't replace Vienna...but that's not what she's here for. So when you decide it's time for a new companion, I think you'll find that it feels really good to love and be loved that unconditionally again. I wish you the best every day and that Scarlett's spirit continues to comfort you!

Hey Scarlett's Mom,

Thanks for sending the PM, I sent you a reply.

CritzyJ

Thank You TaraG for your kind words. The guilt is so present that I find myself asking for Scarlett to forgive me almost daily. The last weeks and days of her life replay in my mind quite often and when they do I try to replace them with happier memories - sometimes I'm successful. We are not ready to bring another furry one into our hearts just yet - me and my husband are grieving so differently. I can see that when we do our lives will be enhanced by the added unconditional love. Until then its just so hard.

You and Regen are incredibly blessed to have each other - no doubt Vienna had some hand in bringing her into your life.

I hope you are having a good day - and again thank you for reaching out to me it is so appreciated.

- Scarlett's Mom

Just found out another friend lost their furry one too soon. Our friends lost Stanley - he was only 4 years old - he was a rambunctious black cat who seriously thought he was a dog. He wasn't sick at all - he was playing around the house as usual, then went to lay down (as he normally did) and when they called for him 10 minutes later he was already gone.

There has been way, way, way too many losses this year. I don't know if my grief is getting worse or better - with each loss I am experiencing I can't say if my grief over our Scarlett's passing is being intensified by these losses or not. Here's what I do know - I wake everyday with the same thought "Oh how I miss you my sweet perfect Scarlett" and "I am so sorry we couldn't save you Scarlett." When I go to bed at night I seem to miss her even more as she would always curl up next to me in bed and first lay her sweet head on my pillow until finally curling up under the cover and snuggling up to my belly.

I just miss our Scarlett so much. I do feel her around sometimes but I just miss being able to hold her and being able to look into her beautiful brown eyes. The house is so silent without her - me and my husband found a breeder we trust and filed an application with her but told the breeder that we are not ready yet to bring another into our hearts and home. We are just getting ready for when we are. Scarlett was and will always continue to be our perfect little girl - it just continues to be so hard to adjust to our life without her physical presence. Will this grief ever lessen? I have to believe and hope that at some point it will and with it so will my guilt...

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do promise you that - - eventually - - your deep sorrow will ease and the burden of guilt / remorse you are feeling will also lift. Unfortunately there are no specified "time frames" for this to happen. There is no date you can look at a calendar and say, "by this date my deep sorrow will be gone, and I will not feel guilt anymore." During the deep grief we can feel like we are standing still, motionless - - except for feeling like some days we are actually losing ground instead of gaining. But this is not true. I do promise you, Scarlett's Mom, that one day - - very likely when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Scarlett and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Scarlett share - - and you will be smiling - - truly smiling.

There will be milestones along your grief journey that you will know your deep grief easing. Perhaps one of them is that you and your husband have taken a "leap" by completing an adoption application and turning it in to the breeder. Even though you are not ready yet to take the next "leap" by embracing a new companion into your hearts and home, you and your husband have arrived at a point in your grief journey where you are at the first step of "considering it." Your beloved Scarlett is very proud of you, and rest assured she is gently guiding your path to that moment in time when you and your husband will look at one another and say "he / she is THE ONE." There is no rush to this, Scarlett's Mom - - just take one step / "leap" at a time.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Today is our Scarlett's four month Angel-versary. It feels like time has stood still these past months but here we are four months later. It has been so difficult for me and my husband to adjust to our lives without Scarlett physically being here with us. She is our everything. The loss continues to be devastating and our guilt continues to cut like a knife at our hearts. Me and my husband find ourselves looking at each other in disbelief that she is gone. We do feel her spirit with us more and more which is reassuring at times and heartbreaking at others.

Moonbeam your words are always comforting - thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. And thank you to everyone else who has taken the time to share their stories and for comforting us as well. I really do not know where we would be without this site.

I recently came across a saying - its from a headstone in Ireland:

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal."

It is still so hard to think of all the memories we created with our Scarlett… so hard. Every time we try it's just a painful reminder that she is not here with us… BUT I keep trying. I guess that's all we can do. This photo was taken just a couple weeks prior to her passing. We were in Malibu - she absolutely loved being near the ocean just like me and her daddy.

Scarlett,
How we wish we could turn back the hands of time and make better decisions. Who knows if we could have saved you, who knows? It just hurts so much thinking that we could have. Mommy and Daddy love you so much - you will always be our perfect little girl. xoxo

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beloved Scarlett's and your 4-month angel-versary. It never ceases to amaze me how the world continues on - - bills get paid, jobs get done, groceries are bought, meals prepared - - and yet it all seems as though during our deep grief we are spectators rather than participants - - I call it operating on "automatic pilot" - - because the "new reality" without the sweet precious physical presence of our beloved companions is too enormous for us to comprehend. We look back over the years and wonder where they went and ask how they could have gone by so fast.

I promise you eventually the deep seering pain of your sorrow will ease - - but until this time comes for you and your husband, we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Scarlett's Mom.

Thank you so much for sharing with us this wonderful picture of you and your beloved Scarlett. She truly looks like she's saying, "hey, mom - - surf's up!!"

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Scarlett. The loss is difficult no matter how it happens. I did the opposite that you did -- and I am guilt-ridden that I put my Emma through two days of vet tests and transfusions to no purpose. She left me on her own at home the day after after two vet offices in two days saying she should be ok for a while.

My baby also had chronic urinary tract issues, plus many more issues for the seven years we were together. But think back to the days before these things could be diagnosed at all. And think about canines in the wild. They know how to deal and Scarlett's tail-wagging and good spirits proved that.

We are not all-knowing gods. I also feel like I did the wrong thing but it was opposite of what you did. I would just suggest to you (and to me!) that we had/have a connection with our girls and we absolutely did what we thought best for them. We are just second guessing now because it didn't come out the way we wanted, but you don't know it would have come out differently or better if you acted differently.

I grieve for your loss and I hope my thoughts at least help relieve some of the guilt. Scarlett knows she was loved and that's really all that matters, love, Karen

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious baby Scarlett....her photos are beautiful and its so very obvious that she was very much loved. I'm new here and just beginning this gut wrenching journey of grief...I lost my precious baby kitty Princess, and I barely have any words to even begin to describe how I feel as I know you and your husband experienced the same and are still grieving her loss in so many ways.

I too find it so difficult to be home without her physical presence, my home no longer feels like home without her.
I hope you and your husband are being gentle with yourselves and with eachother as you continue on this difficult journey and I pray that each day it becomes a little easier...I say easier not better, because I don't think it ever gets better...only easier.

This was another strange week on this emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Found out Wednesday that my friends little furry one died suddenly. She and her husband have one child and one on the way. They are our good friends and I just can't believe that this happened at what should be a happy moment for their family. Me and my husband were just with them last Friday night… we were with the whole family and just days later their little sweet Papillon was killed by a coyote.

This news brought my grief to a new level… I could not breathe… why would God allow this to happen? And why are so many of my friends furry babies dying suddenly? And then my Uncle's passing as well. For me I believe that death is not the end of our souls journey only our physical bodies but my adjustment to my new reality has been extremely difficult. And with each death that has happened since Scarlett's passing it hurts more and more. With each one its like my wounds are not being able to heal. Like a scab being picked at.

The feeling of guilt continues to linger for me and my husband and I just don't think that's ever going to go away. Honestly, I grieve as hard as ever and cry almost every day and night since our beautiful baby girl passed suddenly on that horrible Thursday in July.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief.

It is very normal for you to associate the loss of other's companions to your beloved Scarlett - - particularly when the losses are of your friend's companions who are also close to you. Unfortunately we live in an imperfect world where diseases and disasters and tragedies of all forms exist. But God promises to be with us at all times and in all circumstances - - to share our victories as well as the events that bring the deepest sorrow to our hearts and lives. And one of the many ways He keeps this promise is through the blessing of this wonderful forum. No, none of us can prevent the tragedies that happen - - but we are here to offer support, encouragement, comfort, and support to each other during one of the most painful experiences we will know - - having to adjust our lives without the precious physical presence of our beloved companions.

Another factor that is attributing to the intensity of your deep sorrow is the upcoming holidays - - another "first without" that greatly enhances the "new reality" that your beloved Scarlett is not physically with you and your husband. What is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" in reality is "the most horrible time of the year" - - followed by yet another "first without" of beginning another "new year" that is supposed to hold promise of happiness. Yet when our hearts are grieving it is very normal for us to feel we will NEVER be happy again - - for how can we when the very presence that brought us great joy is no longer physically with us?

I promise you, Scarlett's Mom, that one day when you and your husband least expect it - - you will be thinking of your beloved Scarlett and you WILL find yourselves smiling again - - truly smiling - - and your hearts will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Scarlett share. Does this mean you will never be sad sometimes when you think of your beloved Scarlett? No - - it simply means that the intensity of your sorrow will ease so that you can better focus on the joy of the eternal love bond you and your beloved Scarlett share.

I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope, Scarlett's Mom. As always I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moonbeam for always being here with just the right words. Honestly I hadn't even thought about the holidays until I read your post - I've been in such a fog since our Scarlett passed.

If you can believe it I just heard about another loss of a furry one. This one really tore my heart in half. My husband and I own a townhouse - some owners live at the property while other owners rent out theirs. When we first bought our place we befriended our neighbors and their dog Buddy. Buddy is a black lab. To say he and our Scarlett had a connection would be an understatement. Buddy was much like our Scarlett - they both didn't care for other dogs - they both preferred the company of humans. The day they met it was like watching love at first sight. Me and Buddy's owners were just shocked. They were instantly in love and tried to mate every time they'd see each other. Well, a couple years ago Buddy's owners decided to rent out their town home which meant our Scarlett would be losing her boyfriend. It was sad to see them go - they are great people and then on top of that our Scarlett would be losing her boyfriend. Buddy and Scarlett would both be losing this amazing connection. Well, like I stated they moved away from our neighborhood. We just saw them at our HOA meeting and they informed us that Buddy passed away suddenly in October. They didn't know how to tell us, knowing that we are deeply grieving for our Scarlett but seeing us in person they had to tell us.

I cried and cried. Buddy's parents cried and cried. My husband cried and cried. We all turned into puddles right in our living room. Buddy's death is just is another in a long line of deaths that has recently happened to us. My heart literally feels like its tearing apart. Somewhere inside me though - a small part - feels and hopes that maybe just maybe Buddy and Scarlett are together now. It is a slightly reassuring image to hold but as I write this I am once again sobbing….

I find myself on my knees again, looking up to the heavens saying… "No more God, no more. I can not take anymore."

I've been trying to just remind myself to stay present and breathe and that is basically all I can muster up the energy to do.

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling about Buddy's transition home to the angels. My beloved Black Lab Oslo had a similar "love story" with a little lady Black Lab named Splash. Neither one could be "parents", so when Splash's mom and dad traveled Splash would stay with Oslo and me. By the way, Splash was an "older woman" to Oslo's younger age - - but that didn't matter to them, nor to me and Splash's mom and dad. Splash passed suddenly shortly after her last stay with us over a Christmas holiday. I can share your image of your beloved Scarlett and Buddy now reunited in heaven's perfect garden, as I'm sure my beloved Oslo and his lady friend Splash are.

It is important that you and your husband do what you need to do to endure through your grief adjustment journey - - both together and individually. During the deep grief, it truly is all we can do to just breathe and "get through" the social expectations and commitments. As the holidays approach, Scarlett's Mom, it is vitally important that you and your husband find the time to continue to grieve for your beloved Scarlett - - even if you have to do so privately.

As always, Scarlett's Mom, I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Moonbeam thank you for sharing Oslo and Splash's love story with me. Made me smile. Scarlett and Buddy's special relationship was as obvious to Buddy's parents as it was to me and my husband. They were soul mates, and thinking that maybe they are reunited again warms our hearts.

The Holiday's are rolling in and we will be gentile with ourselves. Our grieving has been so deep and the guilt is still present but we do try to remind ourselves how much we loved and love our Scarlett and we continue to take each day one breath at a time.

Thank you again for always having the right words.

Hope you are having a good day and enjoying the beginning of the Holiday Season.

- Scarlett's Mom

The last two days have been incredibly hard for me - I've been crying non-stop for our Scarlett every day. I still can't believe our Scarlett is gone. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and me and my husband felt so incomplete without our furry baby. I've had to go back to sleeping with our Scarlett's toys again… its the only thing that has helped me get to sleep these past couple nights. And Moonbeam thank you for writing about the holidays and what to expect emotionally, your words are helping me so much.

Our Scarlett was so incredibly young, I keep asking God to let me know why she had to pass away. I am in tears right now and don't see or feel an end in sight. Maybe I'll just cry myself to sleep again tonight? Maybe…

Attached is a photo of our Scarlett - it was taken just a couple years ago. I wanted to share it with everyone. This photo show's her personality. Also, want to let you all know how GRATEFUL I am for this site, and for the time each person has taken to write their stories on this site, comment on my posts, and send me messages. It is all so helpful and I don't know where I'd be with out all of you.

And Scarlett, our little Scarlett… we love and miss you so much our Angel xoxo

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Scarlett with us. How adorable she is in her sweater!!! She is so blessed to have you and your husband for her Forever Mom and Dad, and you are so blessed to be her soul heirs to her eternal love and treasured memories.

This grief journey is not a straight line from A to Z but rather one that has many twists and turns, ups and downs, and turn arounds - - but I promise you it will not always be this way. One day you will find the seering pain in your heart not quite so painful, and then another day will be better - - and eventually the days will once again not feel so bad. Some people think when this happens that they are forgetting their beloved companion - - but I promise you this will NEVER happen. As time progresses she may not always be in the forefront of your thoughts - - and this is normal - - but I assure you your beloved Scarlett is ALWAYS and FOREVER a part of your heart and memories, - - she is ALWAYS and FOREVER a heartbeat close to you - - and NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever change this.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Today is our Scarlett's 5 month angel-versary and I walked around in a bit of a haze for most of it. I still can not believe our sweet Scarlett is physically gone. I decorated the home and the Christmas tree. We put her picture at the top of the tree this year, we find it comforting. Our Scarlett LOVED Christmas for so many reasons… mostly because we host many parties around this time of year - she loved having people fawn over her. Scarlett also knew the word "present" and on Christmas day she would not only open her presents she would help me and my husband open ours as well. Needless to say we are dreading Christmas day without her… we would go to the same tree every year and take a family photo. Haven't figured out what we will do but we will have to do something. December is also a hard month because its also her Birth month - she was born on December 29, 2005.

I still just shake my head in disbelief that she is physically gone. Would do anything just to feel her heartbeat next to mine once more or to feel her curl up to my stomach at bed time.

This is a photo of Scarlett in front of our Christmas tree last year.

Oh, how I wish things could be different… Sweet Scarlett, we love and miss you so very much.

She's absolutely beautiful and I know exactly how you are feeling, I wish I couldn't say that more than anything....but I do know how you feel......Dakota also loved Christmas so much and I to would wrap presents for her to unwrap....I've got a few videos of her doing this and it's so gut wretching to know that's now all I've got left of that, that and memories.....which because we are both in the stage of I don't want memories right now, I want told hold her, look in her beautiful soulful brown eyes, pet her incredibly soft fur....I know these feelings you are experiencing and know enough to know there are just no words of comfort.....

Golden Memories

They say memories are golden. Well may...be that is true, but I never wanted memories I only wanted you. A million times I needed you a million times I cried. If love could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a place no one could possibly ever fill. If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane. I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again. Our family chain is broken and nothing is the same, but as we are called one by one the chain will link again.....See more

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing your and your beloved Scarlett's 5 month angel-versary with us. Like Dakota Rose's mom, I, too, know the emptiness you and your husband are feeling during this "festive" season. Thank you also for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Scarlett from last Christmas. This year is another one of those "first withouts" that are so very painful in the grief adjustment journey -- and another step in establishing a "new normal". But even though your beloved Scarlett is not physically with you, I hope you know beyond all shadow of a doubt that she IS sharing this Christmas with you as she always has - - for her sweet Living Spirit is forever with you - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

This site has been such a blessing, I know this sentiment is felt by all who are on this site grieving. In those dreaded dark first days, weeks and months after our beloved Scarlett passed away this site allowed me to be a part of a community and connected me to of some of THE most compassionate souls I've ever met. As I look back on the day I signed up I can not even remember how I found this site - it was more like the site found me. Hope that makes sense. This site was and continues to be the answer to my plea, my prayer for help.

As a way to heal I've been reflecting on all the conversations I've had with everyone on this site. Moonbeam in my heart of hearts I know that you are fully cognizant of your contribution to the lives of those of us who are grieving - I want to acknowledge you and for all the other pet parents who reached out to me - I always received the right message, at the right time from you. I THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart. As we continue to lean on each other for support I wanted to take this time to wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and to also share some news - we have a new family member - I would like to introduce you all to our little Effie.

I love Film Noir movies and Effie is one of the characters names in The Maltese Falcon. I also love the Bway play Dreamgirls and that's the lead characters name but more importantly Effie in Scottish Gaelic means "new speckled one" - both she and our Scarlett have freckles near there noses and so we thought it only fitting. Effie honors her new life and her big sister Scarlett's life as well.

It is weird and wonderful having little Effie. She is such a blessing. I know me and my husband will continue to grieve for our sweet Scarlett but having a little life to care for has brought some meaning back into our lives.

Here's a photo of us in front of our Christmas tree.

Again, MERRY CHRISTMAS and know I am keeping you all in my thoughts, prayers and sending healing energy to you all.

~ Scarlett & Effie's Mom ~

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and for honoring us in sharing your precious new companion Effie. She is adorable!! May you, your husband, and your precious Effie have a long, happy, and healthy earthly journey.

There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Scarlett gently guided your and little Effie's paths to this point in time when you would embrace one another into your hearts. And I'm also quite sure that your beloved Scarlett will continue to guide your precious Effie in knowing how to bring a smile to your hearts and lives in her own special way.

It is an honor and a privilege to be a part of this wonderful forum, and to be among our many members in an effort to offer comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you, and others, who are enduring one of the most painful experiences we can know on this side of eternity - - the physical absence of our beloved companions.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your husband, and your precious Effie kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your husband, and your precious little Effie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. And may each of you have a very blessed Christmas with the gift of your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit reminding you that she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

OMG! What a precious baby she is!!! What a wonderful addition to your family this Christmas.

CritzyJ

Wanted to share another picture of Effie, the new member of our family….

Scarlett definitely brought her to us. She is just precious and exactly what our broken hearts needed.

What a strange Christmas. Never did I feel so much sadness and happiness at the same time. It felt as though I was seriously losing it mentally. I could feel our Scarlett's presence around us - especially when we were exchanging gifts, she loved to open her own presents. Scarlett could figure out which ones were her's instantly. What a strange feeling though, Effie was fast asleep and it was me and my husband exchanging gifts and sobbing uncontrollably and we could both feel our Scarlett around us.

Scarlett's little sister Effie is amazing. Sometimes we call her Scarlett which leads to many tears. My husband and I forgot how much work a puppy is but coming from such heartbreak and loss caring for her has been so incredibly healing. I remember night after night getting on my knees praying for help because we were lost. Effie has been the answer to that prayer. Sometimes Effie acts exactly like our Scarlett - its a little unnerving at times and also reassuring. We are just so motivated to do right by our Effie and to learn from all the previous mistakes we made with our Scarlett .

I feel like I'm babbling here - just wanted to give an update.

- Scarlett & Effie's Mom

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, your husband, and your precious Effie are doing, and the wonderful picture of your precious little Effie. She is soooo adorable.

I can truly understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "What a strange Christmas. Never did I feel so much sadness and happiness at the same time." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is still very normal deep grief for your beloved Scarlett mixed with the joy of having your precious little Effie. It is also perfectly normal for you to call your precious Effie by your beloved Scarlett's name at times. This in no way means you are "losing it" or are being disloyal to your beloved Scarlett and precious Effie. I have done the very same thing with my precious Noah calling him by my beloved number one kitty son's name Eli who joined the angels December 2006. I firmly believe when you call your precious Effie by your beloved Scarlett's name it means that your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit is very close to you. And it is quite normal for new companions to exhibit similar habits / traits / behaviors of beloved companions who are with the angels for it proves that our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirits are making their Presence known to us through our new companions. So all this said, please let me try to reassure you once again that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal.

I know your beloved Scarlett is thrilled to have a little sister who has won her own very special place in your and your husband's hearts.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your husband, and your precious Effie kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your husband, and your precious little Effie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam