Tomorrow it'll be 4 months without Danny for me. The three month mark was very difficult for me. Hang in there, Kel. Some day it will get easier.

I miss Pippin so much tonight - it hurts so badly I feel like I could throw up. The one creature in this world that thought I was perfect, and now he's gone. I miss looking into his eyes and knowing, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that he loved me as much as I love him. When I had a bad night at work, I used to come home and rest my head on his sleek, black fur, and everything was okay. It's been more than three months, and nothing is okay.

Kel, I am sorry you are hurting so much. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I felt that way about my Danny boy - just looking into his big green eyes would instantly make me feel better no matter what kind of a rotten day I had. Your Pippin was quite a special little boy kitty. The special moments you had with him are forever engraved in your heart, and they will always be with you. Pippin may not be with you physically anymore, but as moon_beam would say his 'Living Spirit' is with you. Try to remember the special moments, put up photos of Pippin, write about him. It helps me a lot to be able to look at photos of Danny. I can just look at his sweet little face and be comforted. It's like he's saying to me:"It's okay, mom. I'll see you again one day."

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, Kel, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand how you're feeling when you say "It's been more than three months, and nothing is okay." Like DannysMom I wish there were an easier way through this grief adjustment journey, and if there were one I would most certainly share it with you. Unfortunately there is no fast forward or delete button we can press that can speed up the process or make it completely go away. It is a very difficult task re-inventing our daily lives with a "new normal" when it includes having to adjust to the physical absence of our beloved companions.

The good news, as DannysMom has shared with you, is that your beloved Pippin continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. You are his living legacy and testament to the eternal love you and your beloved Pippin share. You are his earthly ambassador to continue on his light which he shared with you during his earthly journey, and which he continues to share with you in your heart and your memories. I know right now this is a heavy sorrow on your heart when you long to hold him in your arms. But I promise you, Kel, - - one day when you least expect it you will be able to think of your beloved Pippin and smile - - truly smile - - and the deep sorrow that is in your heart now will not be a heavy burden. Does this mean you will no longer miss the physical presence of your beloved Pippin? No - - it simply means that you will be able to embrace the loving warmth of your beloved Pippin's sweet Living Spirit and focus on the eternal love you share.

But for now I know this takes time - - healing time - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Please know each of us are here for you, Kel, through every step of your journey. Thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Kel. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Pippin.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Danny's Mom & Moonbeam, thank you so much for your kind words. I hadn't replied before now, but I did read them, and they did bring me comfort. Doing okay at the moment, although I'm worrying for our little girl Willow. She's our four year old dilute calico, complete daddy's girl and lovebug. We had bloodwork done on her in January after Pippin died, and a couple numbers were very slightly off. So today at her annual, we had a urine sample taken. It was dilute and a little cloudy, which could mean she has renal insufficiency. I'm not ready to go down the kidney failure route again. I just can't, not with little Willow. There's a chance it's a UTI, so I'm hoping that's all it is. I can't stop worrying, but we have to wait until tomorrow to get the results of the specific gravity, and the culture will come back Friday. I hate this. I'm not ready to lose another cat.

Hi, Kel. I am sorry to hear about Willow. Hopefully it's nothing more than a UTI. As she is only 4 years old she shouldn't really have any kidney problems. I do so understand how you are not ready to lose another cat. Believe me, I've been there with Tina. I was not ready to lose her so soon after Danny. I hope and pray that your little Willow recovers from what it is that is ailing her. Maybe a different sort of food could help, one that would be easier on the kidneys.

How is your little white cat doing? Does it have a name yet?

Hi to Kel, I just joined the board ... thanks for writing about the love for your furry friends and the roller coaster ride they take you on. The joys of having them in your home and the pain of their loss is nothing less than astonishing. My wife and I have two dogs and now two cats, down from three. I hope this latest blip with your other cat resolves in a healthy way.

Hello, Kel. I just stopped by to see how you are doing, and how Willow is doing. Hopefully it is nothing serious going on with her.

Danny's Mom, thank you so much for asking. We're actually doing alright. The pain of not having Pippin here is less constantly present, though there are still times when his absence hurts so very much. My in-laws are moving out of state, and tonight, my husband and I went and stood in their huge back yard for probably the last time, and there were thousands, literally thousands, of fireflies all around us, just flickering and flashing their little lights. It was magical. Maybe this is silly, but I knew Pippin was there with me.

Willow is doing okay. We realized she's been eating some of Karma's urinary diet (not kidney, but to prevent stones). and one of the things it does is MAKE URINE MORE DILUTE! Ohhh. So, I think we're still supposed to follow up with another urine on her, but I'm not hurrying. She's not losing weight, she's not urinating excessively, she's not drinking excessively the way a cat with trouble concentrating her urine would... I think it's ok. From the beginning, with Pippin, I had a gut feeling he wasn't going to be okay. Our vet has remarked on my instincts with our cats, multiple times - "Mom's always right," he says. "Even when I couldn't understand why you were asking me if Pippin was going to die, you just knew." I don't have that sense about Willow. At all.

Lancelot is settling in nicely. We're still working on getting Lance and Karma to accept each other. This means Lance is spending a lot of time in my office, and we're hanging out a lot. We started Lancelot on an antidepressant, because he was just overreacting, aggressively, to everything. He seems so much happier now, and now the other cats actually like being around him.

Strider's allergy tests came back, and he's allergic to just about everything. Our vet said he's one of the most allergenic cats he's seen in a long time... so we're going to start allergy shots. It's just a subcutaneous shot, which doesn't seem to bug cats much, so I don't mind, and I can administer it at home after the first treatments, as long as we're around to monitor him. I guess there are some advantages to being a nurse...

So... things are going okay. I miss Pippin, but not it's not as painful, continuously. I still sleep with my stuffed Pippin plushie (I know, I know... I'm a 36 year old woman... but I just can't let it go), and I still think about him all the time, but the searing pain comes less often. Some nights, though, I still cry for him. I second guess my decisions, try to figure out what I could have done differently.

I am, however, so deeply grateful that I got three extra months with him. Grateful that DH and I spent so much time playing with him, and giving him so very much attention and love. I'm so grateful that the last night he was at home with us, he came and slept next to me. I fell asleep with my head on him, while he purred. (God, I miss the way his fur smells.) I'm so grateful that when he got sick the last time, we'd spent that afternoon playing with him. I'm glad that I risked losing my job to be with Pippin while he was on dialysis. I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to treasure those last few days with him, even though he was sedated and being dialyzed. I am so grateful for those three kisses he gave my cheek - grateful that he ate from my hand one last time. And I am grateful that I had the chance to hold him, to tell him I love him, to tell him how special he was, before we let him go. I am grateful that the last hour with him, he was peaceful - he was not in pain.

Most of all, I am grateful that I had Pippin in my life for six years, though it is not nearly enough. I sometimes wonder if Earl Grey is Horatio returned to us. His eyes, I swear... His voice... His MANNERISMS... I sometimes wonder if some love is stronger than death. I like to think that it is, because maybe - just maybe - some day I'll look into some kitty's eyes and recognize my Pippin's soul gazing back at me.

Hi Kel, thanks for giving us an update on Willow and for letting us know how you're doing. I am glad that Willow is okay, but sorry to hear that Strider is having such bad allergies. Hopefully, he will get better with these shots. And you're so right - your nursing skills really do come in handy with your cats! I'm glad to hear that Lance is settling in and being more calm with the help of antidepressants. What is his history? Did he come from a bad environment?

I think it's so sweet that you are sleeping with your Pippin plushie. I wish I had something like that, and I don't think it's silly at all! It probably gives you great comfort, and that's what matters. And I know what you mean about being grateful to have had those extra three months with Pippin. I was glad that I still had some time with Tina after she was diagnosed with cancer. You will probably miss Pippin for quite some time, and that is normal. He had a very special place in your heart, and the Tuxes are such special cats!

Thanks so much for the reply, Danny's Mom. I'm off to work in a second, but I wanted to share this with you:

http://www.amazon.com/Plumpee-Black-Cat-9-...k/dp/B000IE86C2

Hee hee. This is the one I have - he's very good to snuggle. Not QUITE as good as a real Danny or Pippin, but I'll take what I can get. I'll give you more of Lancelot's background when I'm not running to work. I hope today is being kind to you, and I hope that your sweet little ones continue to give you some comfort while you're missing Danny and Tina so dearly.

Kel, thanks very much for the link! That is such a cute little plush toy! I'll have to get one. Hope that Mindy and Shelley won't get jealous!

Kel, I'm thinking of you today and your sweet Pippin as it has been 5 months for you. Tomorrow it will be 6 months since my Danny passed on and 2 months since Tina passed on. I still miss both of them so much as I'm sure you miss Pippin. I hope his medical data about his rare kidney ailment will help others in the future. He died way too young. We just never know how much time we have with our fur babies, but nobody can ever take away the sweet memories of them that we hold in our hearts.

Danny's Mom, thank you for thinking of me. It's been a hard few days since you asked, mainly because I miss Pippin so much. Yesterday was the four-year angelversary of my dear, sweet Horatio - who was so very much like Earl Grey. And today - an ice cream truck went by, with it's little chimes playing music. Pippin used to be terrified of the ice cream truck! He would run away and hide under the bed when he heard it. So hearing it for the first time since he died - I can't stop crying. All I could say was, "You're safe from the ice cream truck now, Pippin."

Hi Kel! I am sorry that the past few days have been so rough, with Horatio's angel-versary and the ice cream truck reminding you of your sweet Pippin. I know full well how certain things can suddenly bring back the memory of our beloved fur kids and in that moment we get overwhelmed. My Danny boy was scared of the ice cream truck as well. He was scared of thunderstorms and loud noises. But he really hated the UPS truck. Any time he heard the truck with the squeaky brakes he would let out a low growl and hastily retreat into the bedroom.

You will probably have more incidents like this...when something reminds you of Pippin and then it really hurts so much to remember. It has only been 5 months for you, and I know you'll especially miss him this Christmas as I will miss my Danny.

Hi Kel! Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today, Pippin's 7-month angelversary. He was a sweet, lovable kitty boy, and he was so brave and endured the treatment and hospital visits. Your Pippin is a little hero, and I hope that the data that was collected on his rare kidney disorder will help other cats. I know you miss him so much, but he is right there in your heart, making the rounds with you.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Thank you so, so much, Danny's Mom. I miss him so very much, but I realized something the other day... when he was alive, I had to leave him at home. Now, he's with me all the time. ... It helps a little bit. Not as much as Pippin-snuggles would, but it helps.

Thank you so much for thinking of me today. *hug*

It's a hard time of year for me, right now. October 31 of last year, Pippin got sick - it was the beginning of the end. Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of my father's death. I think I'm crying more for my little Pippin than for my father, right now. I miss him so. I keep thinking of the times we had before he was sick, when I thought he'd be here forever... then the times when he was sick, when I would have given anything to keep him here and happy. And now, there's no Pippin at all, and that hurts so devastatingly. Add to that - little Lancelot has epilepsy. He scared the daylights out of my husband at the end of August - my husband heard him fall off our 6' high cat tree, and found him having a seizure. I was at work, but my husband rushed him to the vet. We thought it might be a one-time thing, but he did it again on 9/22 - while I was away with my mother in Alaska. I'm so scared for my little shaky kitty.

And I can't stop crying right now. Lancelot is a playful little guy, so not up for the comforting snuggles I would like right now. I got up from petting him and getting wrestled with, and thought to myself, "I'll go snuggle Pippin. He always lets me snuggle him, no matter what."

And then I remembered, he's not here. He hasn't been here in more than 8 months.

Kel, my heart goes out to you. I made the same mistake today, almost called Mindy "Danny", but I corrected myself in time. It is so odd how we just can't help ourselves, but their names are engraved upon our hearts. I thought of Danny's superlong whiskers today and how I sometimes would touch them and he'd turn away quickly. After he died I gently stroked his whiskers and of course this time he did not move. I can imagine how hard it is for you this time of the year as it's getting so close to the anniversary of Pippin getting sick. It brings back all kinds of memories. I've cried a lot of tears for my Danny boy today when I remembered his whiskers.

I am so sorry to hear about Lancelot. I hope he does get better. I've said a prayer for him today and will keep him in prayer for his health.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi Kel, I was thinking of you today on Pippin's 9 month angel-versary. Tomorrow it's 10 months for Danny. My goodness, has it really been this long? I know you're probably thinking of Pippin a lot since last October was the time he got so sick. And I didn't even know last year at this time that I only had very little time left with my Danny. I hope Lancelot is doing well.

Hi, Kel, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so relate to how you're feeling about the "this time last year" when your beloved Pippin became ill. Nothing in heaven or on earth can ever prepare us for the time when our companion's physical health is threatened and / or becomes irreversibly fragile. Even though the calendar acknowledges an angel-versary does not mean that the sadness in our hearts evaporates - - it simply means that we have endured our adjustment journey to this point, and our adjustment journey contniues.

I thank you so much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Pippin with us, Kel. I hope today is treating you, your husband, and your precious Lancelot kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Pippin's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. I thank you for the blessiing of your friendship, Kel. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Pippin.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Danny's Mom & Moon_beam, thank you so much for thinking of us. I'm missing Pippin right now, but it's tolerable. We're getting ready for Sandy to hit the east coast, and while we shouldn't get the worst of it, it's kept us busy. Naturally, last year, the weekend he got sick was the Halloween blizzard we had - so I'm pretty anxious in general. It was so scary to have a sick cat and power outages for multiple days. I'm hoping this storm passes uneventfully.

I appreciate you both thinking of Pippin and me. It means so very much.

Dearest Pippin,

Today's a very hard day. A year ago today, we took you to the emergency vet and found that you had diabetes. It was your dad's birthday, and we were so scared we'd lose you right then and there. And then Dr. Dave told us it was diabetes, and we were so hopeful - we could treat that!

Sweet boy, you were so good about everything. I sometimes wonder if everything we put you through ruined the last three months of your life, but then I remember how lethargic and depressed you were before we started treating you. After we figured out what was wrong, even through the paw-sticks and shots, you became yourself again. You ate. You played. You snuggled. Baby boy, I hope we made the last months of your life worth living. I cherish those memories.

Today, we have to take Lancelot to the vet, because he has a swollen eye. I think he was wrestling with one of your brother or your sister and got nipped. Do you remember when Strider used to chew on you? You had little sore spots around your eyes - poor boy! We had to take you to the vet for it, too. Please watch over your brother Lancey today. Please help him be calm at the vet, so Dr. Bradley can look at him. Please let him know he's going to be okay.

Please comfort your father right now, if you can - he's devastated that we're taking another cat to the vet on his birthday. I know Lance will be okay, but your dad is feeling pretty scared right now.

Pippin, I love you and miss you. I think of you every single day.

Mom

Kel, I am so sorry to hear that Lance has to go to the vet for a swollen eye. It sounds like they played pretty rough. I hope he will be okay and that it is nothing serious. I can imagine how unsettling it is for your husband to take another cat to the vet on his birthday and how that brings back memories of Pippin. I hope everything will turn out fine. I'm glad that you made it through the storm okay. We did not lose power, but we got plenty of wind and rain.

Pippin sounds like he was such a loving kitty boy. Oh, those Tuxes! They are just so sweet, aren't they? I know the coming holiday season will be difficult for you as it will bring back so many memories of Pippin and his last Christmas. When we go through something like that the holidays are just never quite the same again. Gone is the carefree celebration and instead we have a bittersweet feeling in our hearts. Please let us know how Lance is doing.

I'm having a really hard time today, missing Pippin. Lancelot is doing well, so that's good, but... god, I miss my baby so much.

Hi Kel, I hope you are feeling a bit better. In the grief journey there are those bad days where it hurts so much all over again. I find that when I think I'm done with grief it still sneaks up on me at times and reminds me of my loss. I was re-reading some of your posts about Pippin, how he was carried around by the ER staff, with his paws draped over their shoulders. It seems that through all his treatments he was just so brave, putting up with it all, trying to make it through. You were so tightly bonded with him, Kel, so it's small wonder you miss him so much.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi Kel,

So sorry you're having a hard time with missing your baby, Pippin. I lost my kitties, Joe and Steve, almost 9 weeks ago, but I have lost other fur babies in the past and I know how long the pain of loss drags on. Glad you came back to this site for support. You know, all of us here really get it. Stick around for a while if you need to. Those of us who have recently lost our babies could really benefit from the wisdom of your journey.

I'm hoping tonight will be a more peaceful evening for you.

CritzyJ

Hi, Kel, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Lancelot are doing. Even though we are blessed with other precious companions shaing our hearts and home, and even though the deep sorrow eases eventually, this does not diminish the longing for the physical presence that still fills our heart for those beloved companions who are now with the angels - - even though we know and feel their sweet Living Spirit with us we will always have moments when our hearts and arms ache to hold them in our arms "one more time."

I am so very glad to know your precious Lancelot is continuing to do well, and I know this takes a great burden off your heart.

Thank you so much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Pippin with us, Kel. I hope today is treating you, your husband, and your precious Lancelot kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Pippin's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. I thank you for the blessiing of your friendship, Kel. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Pippin.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam