Hello DannysMom.

What a beautiful wreath to remember your precious Danny. Angelversaries are hard, it will be 3 years for Sir Thomas next Sunday. I don't even put up decorations. But then, I have not for years. It has less to do with Tom than the fact the holiday has held no meaning for me for many years.

Don't put pressure on yourself because you think you are "supposed" to be happy, and let yourself feel what you need to. Our thoughts are with you.

TTT

Tom's Dad, thanks for stopping by and for your kind words. I went to the pet cemetery today to put up Tina and Danny's christmas wreaths. It was so hard and I started crying again. I can't help it. It is very painful for me. I know my sweet Danny is in a better place, but I miss him so this time of year. Christmas was always so special with Danny because he made it special. He just had this sense of awe and wonder and he so enjoyed the bright lights and decorations. With the "girls" it's not quite the same. They don't seem to grasp the meaning of Christmas like Danny did, although Shelley really does enjoy sleeping under the tree. I think Shelley gets it more than Mindy does, or perhaps I'm wrong.

I found this photo that I didn't know I had. This was taken in December 2001, Danny's first Christmas with me. He wasn't even one year old yet. Danny looks so happy and relaxed in this photo, and I'm so glad I found it. It made me smile. I remember well how he enjoyed his first Christmas with me so much. He loved sleeping under the tree, and he was such a good little kitty boy, not damaging the tree in any way. I miss him very much this Christmas season, and every time I look at decorations I think of Danny. He always made my Christmas so much more special.

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Oh, what a beautiful boy! I know this Christmas season is hard for you and I think of you often. Rest in the blessings of the times you had with him. Easy for me to say, I know, but I. too, miss my boys at this time. They know we love them! I just need to rest in that.

Blessings to you, Dannysmom!

CritzyJ

CritzyJ, thank you for sharing my Danny boy with me and for thinking of me. I do like looking at his pictures, I just wish I had taken more in his lifetime. I don't even have a video of him, but I do have some videos of Tina. I know you've got your hands full with little Mary, but I'm sure you miss your two boys. I really like their names, Joe and Steve. I can tell how much they meant to you and they lived long happy lives with you. Still you must miss them so much. It has only been a few months since they passed on. I am sure you miss their little routines they had with you. Senior pets are so sweet. They probably got plenty of TLC from you in their senior years. I just wish Danny had been with me longer. He wasn't even 11 years old when he passed on. His heart condition came on so suddenly and I had missed the symptoms, thinking he was just a lazy, laid-back cat when he was really conserving energy. When he got so sick it was the saddest Christmas I ever had. It hadn't been a good year for me anyway and I almost didn't put up my tree, but I put it up just for Danny and played his favorite Christmas CDs for him. It was so sad seeing him lie down under the tree for the last time.

This morning I had a sweet reminder of my Danny boy. As I was standing in the kitchen I heard one of the cabinet doors bang shut several times. Danny used to open the cabinet door where his food was stored with his paws and let it bang shut to tell me he was hungry. As I looked down I could see Miss Mindy's little paw open the door and then she let it bang shut. I had to smile! She has never done this before. And now she seems to think there is some kind of "fiend" in the food cabinet. She stands in front of the door and hisses and tries to open it. I opened it for her and let her peek inside so that she can see there are no "ghosts" inside, but she is not convinced. Poor Mindy!

Hi DannysMom. How sweet

I know the feeling. Tom used to be obsessed that there were "monsters" in the furnace closet and would scratch to get in there. Theresa never did that when Tom was with us. Tang didn't either when I first got him. Now they both do it

I survived Christmas. It was enjoyable, but through it all I thought of my Danny boy and how his last Christmas was so sad, how he spent it all alone at the vet. I felt so bad for leaving him there and it was so strange not having him around. I just could not wait to drive to the vet two years ago today and to see my little boy. Oh, how sick and miserable he was. They were giving him the wrong meds as they had not yet gotten the right diagnosis. They brought him in on thick, soft blankets, with an IV attached to him, and his fur was shaved in various places. He still wouldn't eat and I was just beside myself. I couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was going to happen and that I was going to lose him. Seeing my little boy so sick was so hard to bear for me. I stood at his grave yesterday and looked at his beautiful granite stone with his picture and remembered what a sweet cat he was, so friendly, playful and loving. I surely do miss him, especially this time of year. It is still hard for me.

Hi DannysMom,
I thought of you at Christmas this year when I put up Rusty's ornament and I knew your own memories would bring you some sadness too. You have an anniversary coming up and I just logged on to let you know you are being thought of and to wish you strength. Take care my friend.
Sher_Mark

sher_mark, thank you so much for thinking of me this Christmas and thank you for your well wishes. Today is has been two years since my Danny passed on, but I still remember everything so well. I had to cry yesterday when I remembered picking him up from the emergency vet. There he was in his little carrier, looking at me with those beautiful green eyes, expecting me to take him home and instead I took him to be euthanized. I had to shut off my feelings and not think about it. I had such a hard time just looking at him in the car. He must have sensed something was wrong as he meowed so much and he had an accident in his carrier. I still feel so bad about that. Today is a day almost like two years ago, mild and sunny. I am feeling so sad and weighed down. Danny was so special in so many ways and I miss him dearly.

Two years ago today I buried my sweet Danny boy. Somehow I still can't bring myself to be in the party mood and shouting "Happy New Year" to everyone. I still remember the pain I felt at seeing his little casket lowered into the ground and covered up. I felt pain when I looked at him just one last time before the casket was sealed. It was the saddest New Year's Eve ever for me. The only thing that gave me comfort was visiting Mindy at the SPCA afterwards. I had adopted her, but she still needed her spay surgery before I could take her home with me.

I still feel the pain today that I felt 2 years ago at Danny's burial. I still miss him so much.

Hi DannysMom

Although I am not always on here I am always thinking of you, Danny, Tina, Mindy and Shelley every time I look at my cats or remember Chewy.

I know it must of been so hard but I am glad that mixed in with the emotions of sadness you have the memory of your Mindy when you first got her.

xxForeverxx

xxForverxx, thank you for your kinds words and for thinking of us. I think of you and Chewy and Pixie, Fudge and Ellie as well. Mindy reminds me of Danny in some ways. She likes tummy rubs just as much as he did and that is so sweet. I still remember how much Danny enjoyed being brushed. I would brush him every Sunday and he always purred and wanted me to pet him while I was brushing him. He didn't like the snow though and never dared to venture out in it. But he loved watching the snowflakes fall from the safety of his warm kitty condo. He would sit there in the evening and look out the window at the comings and goings in the neighborhood. It was so comforting for me to always see him sit there, and after he died I avoided sitting in that room at night as it reminded me so much of him.

Happy Valentine's Day to Mr. Danny, my sweet kitty boy. I placed a beautiful red rose at his grave today to honor him and remember him. Quite a few people had decorated the graves for V-Day with heart wreaths, ribbons or flowers. I felt so good about being able to do this and to remember how Danny was always so loving and sweet. He had such a kind and gentle heart, and he was playful and mischievous. I have his picture sitting on my desk and his sweet, smiley face is looking at me. He is gone for over 2 years now, but certainly not forgotten. He brought so much joy into my life with his presence, just by being there and being his sweet self.

Today, March 4, my Danny would have celebrated his 13th birthday. I sure miss my sweet, gentle tux kitty boy. He was a real treasure and just brought me so much joy and made me laugh with his playful nature. Curiously enough these past few days Miss Mindy has been opening the cabinet door where the cat food is stored and let it bang shut, just like Danny used to do, only a bit more gently as she is a smaller cat and not quite as strong as my Danny used to be. I'd like to think she does it to remind me of Danny, and it does make me smile. I know Danny would be proud of her for continuing his tradition.

Hi DannysMom

Saw this poem and thought of you and Danny.

"Cattails in my Coffee

While calmly sipping coffee of a morn,
And contemplating on why I was born,
I watch the cat climb softly to my lap
To primp and preen, then settle down to nap.

As he begins to wash his whiskery face
He will not keep his wandering tail in place.
And while it's waving wildly in the air
I try to track it down-it's never there.

It wiggles to the left as I reach right
And rebounds again in rhythmic delight.
I resume my reaching as it rises up,
Then comes down to coil in my coffee cup.

The tabby turns translucent eyes on me
As if to tell me, "There! now do you see?
If not for you my tail would still be dry.
Why can't you humans be as calm as I?"

And cleaning caffeine off his copious fur,
He curls into a ball, begins to purr.
A call upon his dreams he plans to keep,
So he proceeds to promptly fall asleep."

Could just imagine you and Danny did this

xxForeverxx

Aw! xxForeverxx, that is a beautiful poem. Thank you so much for posting this! It made me smile. Danny had kind of a thick tail and he would sometimes "thump" his tail or swish it back and forth, but it never landed in my coffee. He was always so calm and laid back, just a real sweet kitty boy. Danny had the softest and fluffiest cheeks. I sure do miss him.

Hi Dannysmom,

I read your original post from 2 years ago about the guilt you felt when you made the most difficult decision to let go. My dog Gus went through 2 years of compassionate and caring treatment from a vet cardiologist who did everything on this planet to keep him comfortable and alive. Last Sunday morning, his breathing was the worst I had seen it so I took him in for oxygen treatment and a lasik shot. Unfortunately the vet on duty had never treated Gus and lacked any compassion whatsoever. After an hour of oxygen she let me visit with him, but he was only marginally better. The vet said "I don't mean to sound harsh, but this little dog has a medical record over an inch thick". I felt like I was in a dream state that went from looking into his desperate eyes to holding him with tubes in his arms and this cold-hearted vet standing in front of us with two needles. I held him tightly as his little head dipped forward for the last time, first asleep and then I felt his heart stop.

I felt so guilty that I made the decision to let him go at the hands of person who never knew him and acted as if she didn't even care. I keep second guessing myself that two or three more hours of rest and oxygen would have helped and I could have returned later so he could be treated by the vet that had invested so much in him over the years. I haven't been back to work yet. The moment his heart beat for the last time, part of me died inside and I can't deal with it.

How long did it take for the guilt to go away?

Kelly, thank you for visiting my topic and for posting. I am very sorry that you had to say good-bye to your little pal Gus. I can imagine how upsetting it must have been with that uncaring vet. You have my deepest sympathies. I can so very well understand when you say "The moment his heart beat for the last time, part of me died inside and I can't deal with it." I felt the same way when my Danny died. He was my joy, my sweet little kitty boy, and it broke my heart saying good-bye to him.

You ask how long it took for the guilt to go away? I'm not quite sure...I started feeling somewhat better after 3 months, but the guilt kept creeping up again every so often. It is different for everyone, so I cannot say it will be the same for you. But I do want you to know that what you did relieved Gus's suffering. He is in a better place where he is young again and has no more pain.

Hi DannysMom,
I wanted to let you know that your Danny is such a beautiful and handsome boy, and I know how very much you must miss him. I lost my dear cat Jasper almost two months ago at the young age of seven years, and I miss him with all of my heart. My Jasper used to love to open the cabinet doors just as your Danny did, and whenever I would hear them banging open and shut, I would think, there goes my Jasper. Sometimes he would even open the closet doors and sit inside for a few minutes, what a silly boy. I so miss hearing the jingle of the little bell on his collar, what I would give to hear that once again, and my heart just aches for him, to touch him and hold him once again. That is just so cute how Miss Mindy now opens your cat food cabinet doors, yes Danny must be so very proud of her for carrying on his tradition.

I have another cat named Jingles who is thirteen years old, and he has become my little shadow. It is interesting, because Jasper was always the affectionate one and Jingles was always more aloof, but now he is a real cuddlebug, and wherever I am, that is where he is. I have heard that very often pets will take on some of the characteristics of their housemates who they are missing, and I am finding this to be so true. I really don't know what I would have done without my Jingles, in those first few weeks, he would look up at me so sad and confused, and I knew he needed me, so even as hard as it was, I knew I had to pick myself up and reach out to him, he needed me, and we held onto each other through the darkness and through the pain.

My Jasper became so sick so suddenly, and I remember so clearly kissing his little head that horrific night, and holding him in my arms as he took his last breath, that image used to replay itself over and over in my mind like a broken record, but now that picture is slowly but surely being replaced by spurts and remembrances of our happy and special times together. I know in my heart that there was no alternative and that he was suffering and hurting, and I had to love him enough to let him go, but my decision still haunts me to this day. I even begged the doctor to keep him overnight, but she said it would only be keeping him on life support. In the back of my mind, I was even planning to sell my car to cover the veterinary bills, but it was not meant to be. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to save him, but his sickness took over his body so fast, and he had been such a big and strong healthy boy. How does a young vibrant cat go from the picture of health to so sick and weak within a matter of a few days, he could not even hold his head up anymore, and then when he was having trouble with every breath, I knew it was time, so I told him not to be scared, that he could go to the light, and for him to wait for me.

It is funny how you think you are so past something, and then it all comes flooding back like it was yesterday, one little memory can send you reeling back to square one again, and I am sure you have experienced this. I still am not able to look at his picture, I just break down whenever I do, he was such a handsome boy and I am so very proud of him, and I would like to post his picture for everyone to see, but I am just not ready yet. I guess our heart knows how much we can take and what we are able to process.

Well DannysMom, I just wanted to let you know that your posts about Danny really touched my heart, and your words about him are so filled with the special love and the beautiful connection you both shared. I remember my very first post on this forum, it was entitled: "I Just Don't Know How To Do This" well I still don't know how to do this, and I don't think I ever will. I know that my life and my world will never be the same again. But I still would not trade one single moment with my sweet boy to avoid the pain of losing him, our seven years together was way too short, but those years were filled with such a sweet and a once in a lifetime connection that no separation could ever break. I can just picture Danny and Jasper running and playing together along that crystal blue stream, jumping and climbing on all of those beautiful rainbows, just waiting for their mommies to come home to them.

jaspersmom, thank you for your post and your heartfelt words. I cried when I read your post, and nodded so many times in agreement to what you wrote. I am very sorry for the loss of your dear cat Jasper. What a beautiful name! I remember I was still a mess after two months had passed when Danny died. And you are so right, one little memory can send you back to square one again. It is like reliving it all over again. For days and weeks I could not get the images out of my head after Danny had died and seeing his lifeless body being carried away by the vet tech and how his head helplessly flopped to the side and how his eyes seemed to be staring right at me. Losing a beloved fur kid is the worst kind of pain.
Your Jasper sounds like such a wonderful and playful cat. I can just imagine how much you miss him. After Danny died I still had my Tina for four months and she was a big comfort to me. It sounds like Jingles is being your little comforter. These furry little ones can tell when we're not feeling well, and how sweet of Jingles to be such a cuddlebug now. That must be a great comfort to you.

It was so hard for me looking at Danny's picture after he died. It was heart-wrenching to see his picture and know he is no more, that I can't reach out to pet him or hear his sweet voice. But seeing his picture also comforted me. I have an 8X10 on my desk right next to me computer so I can look at my Danny all the time, and his sweet, smiley little face is comforting to me. I hope the grief journey gets easier for you as times passes. I've experienced that the waves of grief become less intense and less frequent over time, but it still feels like a part of me is missing. My life was not the same after Danny died. I think when we are younger it is easier to get through a loss, especially for kids, they are so resilient.

I am so comforted that my Danny lives on to comfort people through his story that I shared with a magazine a couple of years ago. I know he would like that. Danny was such a gentle feline soul. He enjoyed his kitty life and for him life was filled with amazing things and experiences. He didn't like big trucks passing by, especially not the UPS truck with the squeaky brakes, and he would always let out a low growl, tuck in his tail and go hide. I can't believe it's been over 2 years since he left, and what's more amazing that I actually made it through the immense grief and pain that followed. It is hard for me to read other people's stories of loss here on LS as it brings back painful reminders and a pain I do not want to feel any longer. There is a time for everything. A time to mourn and a time to enjoy life again. I found we cannot "hurry" through grief. The grief journey has its own timeline, and all we can really do is hang on during this roller coaster ride.

Danny's mom, yes, I can well imgaine that it would be hard to come back to LS and read about our pain and grief and how that would "refresh" all those feelings for you. Yes, the grief and pain is, indeed, "immense." But! you give ups hope that we also can make it through. I just remember that very first week, all I could think about was that the pain was soooo intense that all I wanted to do was die, I just didn't know how I could live with such pain. But I have. I'm here. I pain of missing Molly is still very great, it just seems like life should continue without her here. But, one foot in front of the other. Thank you for your words.

OnAMission, thanks for sharing. Before Danny died I got four 8X10 photos of him, and looking at those photos gave me great comfort. Like you I just HAD to see my Danny. And having his pictures with me felt like I was in some way still "connected" to him. I've kept his photos up, so I can always look at him when I need to. He was a beautiful cat and had a heart of gold. Being separated from him was so painful for a long time, but I have learned to live without him. We all have to die at some time, that's a part of this life here on earth. I still miss him, yes, but I know I'll see him again one day and that gives me great comfort.

Snapdragon, thanks for saying that I give you hope. And you are right, it's one foot in front of the other. It is moment by moment and day by day. The best we can do when we are grieving is treating ourselves kindly and avoiding any kind of stress as much as possible. It really is hard for me to read the stories of loss on LS as it does affect me so much and I feel the pain of the loss. Often times I do not know what to say to a grieving pet parent. There is not much one can say to make it better as the loss is just so great and the pain is so deep. I don't have moon_beam's eloquence, so I'm really not much use here

I guess all I can really say is "This too shall pass". It will pass. In time you will feel better. It just takes time. I didn't think I could make it through the grief, after Danny died, but I did. What helped me was a lot of rest and being good to myself. Grief takes a lot out of a person, it literally drains you, so rest and good nutrition helps a lot. The hard part is coming to terms with the loss. For some people it is easier than for others. If we can accept that we only have these sweet little creatures for a limited time here on earth then that is a lot. For me I had lulled myself into believing that things would just go on as they had been, that Tina and Danny would continue to be there. We love our sweet fur kids, but we need to be prepared to let them go when the times comes. That is easier said than done.

Thank you, Dannysmom, for your thoughts. Yes, grieving is exhausting! I feel like I have neither the energy nor the interest in doing anything. Physically I feel drained. I have days where I really wish I could just stay in bed all day, I don't even want to get up. I am getting through my days, but the grief of losing Molly has been overwhelming, a depth of grief I never saw coming, never expected...it felt like a tsunami of grief. And you're right, what is it that you can say to someone else, with that degree of pain/grief that will help. For me, it has been of some help to know that I'm not crazy having this intense of a grief reaction to losing my fur-kid, that there are others who have experienced, are experiencing the same degree of pain/grief from their loss. It has helped me some itty-bitty bit to know that, though it doesn't really lessen the grief. I guess it kind of felt like I was falling off a cliff and knowing I'm not alone in this kind of grief has been a single branch I've been hanging onto to keep from falling. So, your sharing does help...thank you.

Hi DannysMom

I am thinking of your Danny boy this morning here in England. It is lovely and sunny and from what I have learnt about your boy he would have loved to have sat out on a balcony in the sun.

I hope you are feeling OK today surrounded by your other fur babies and smiling at the pictures of your Tina and Danny.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, thank you so much for thinking of Danny. I think of you and Chewy and always wonder how you are doing. You are right, Danny enjoyed being out on the balcony, but as soon as some kids walked by down below he would run back inside. He was so skittish and shy, would not even come out when I had visitors. He was so funny...I remember he would always crinkle his nose and sniff the air before he walked out on the balcony. I loved watching him do that. I have so many fond memories of my sweet Danny boy. He was such a wonderful character, just beautiful inside and out. I remember I fell in love with him the first time I saw him, so I think it was really meant to be for me to take him home. I miss his sweet voice. Danny brought so much joy into my life just by being there.

Hi DannysMom

Thank you for sharing those wonderful memories of your Danny. They really made me smile and actually reminded me of Fudge. He is skittish and shy......he has got better with visitors but any small noise that he is not use to or does not like and hes out the room hiding but like you with Danny that is what makes me love him so much as he is so silly and lovable. Your Danny really was a special boy and I can see it is thanks to him and Tina that you have given a home to two more beautiful cats as he made you love the little furbabys.

xxForeverxx

Hi DannysMom
Just stopping by to say hello and to wish you well.

Hello xxForeverxx, I am glad my memories of Danny made you smile and reminded you of Fudge! I always loved Danny so much in part because he was a bit shy. He never even came out for visitors. It can be very scary for them, all the noise. It sounds like Fudge is making good progress. I went to Danny's grave today to put up his Christmas wreath and found his granite plaque all covered up with dirt. I felt bad as I had not been out there since September. But I wiped off his plaque and placed his wreath and now it looks so nice!

Hello sher_mark, thank you for thinking of me and the well wishes! How are you doing?

Three years now. Three years ago today my Danny died. This year was actually the first year that I could enjoy the holidays again. I listened to Christmas music in the car and hummed along with the tunes and I was fine. Today is a different story. Today I remember my Danny, and I miss him so very much. Yesterday I had to take Mindy to the vet, and they put me in room #2, the room where Danny died. I hesitated, and the vet tech offered to put me in a different room, but I thought I could stand it since they changed the room a bit and the picture that hung there three years ago is gone. Still, I felt agitated and restless having to wait there in room 2, and I was more than glad to get out. Even Mindy seemed more scared than usual. I never want to go through that much pain again, the pain that I felt that day when Danny died. I had the most horrible chest pains, and I felt as if my heart should burst from the immense pain I felt. It seems like such a cruel irony that Danny had to get so sick on Christmas, the holiday that he loved so much. Strangely enough, Mindy and Shelley, who took turns napping under the Christmas tree this year stopped napping there when Christmas Eve came around and haven't napped there since. I did not even want to put up a Christmas tree in 2011. All summer long I had the feeling that something really bad was going to happen that Christmas. I put up the tree for Danny, and played Christmas songs all day for him. He crawled out from under my desk Christmas Eve and laid down under the tree for what would be his last time. And the next day I had to take him to the emergency vet. It was the worst Christmas I had in my entire life.

Danny is gone three years now, but he is not forgotten. Every day I look at his picture on my desk, and his sweet, smiley face comforts me. He is still here, if only in a photo. This is what Danny would normally be doing after Christmas (see photo). He loved playing with the wrapping paper! He enjoyed sliding on it, sitting on it, shredding it. Danny always had so much fun.

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DannysMom,
I stopped by because I remembered the Dec 28 anniversary of Danny's dying. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

It has been a tough year for me. My dad died this year, very quickly after a cancer diagnosis. Miss him very much. A string of sadness. My little love Siegel is still with me but very thin. I treasure everyday with her.
Be strong my friend. Others are thinking of you and wishing you well.

Hello sher_mark, thank you so much for remembering and for stopping by! Your kindness is much appreciated. December 28 was tough for me. All those memories coming back.
I am so sorry that you lost your Dad. Losing a parent is very, very tough. I am glad that you still have Siegel and that she is bringing you comfort. Our furry little friends are so wonderful, aren't they? And each one is so different had a unique personality. When they leave us they leave paw prints on our hearts and we're not quite the same. I hope you are well and that 2015 will be a good year for you.

Hello DannysMom

I thought of you on the 28th December.

A day you will never forget but one I am hoping you can look back at some memories on that day now and smile as well as shed some tears. That picture is lovely of him playing with the wrapping present. What a special kitty he really was. I cannot imagine how you felt standing in the room with Mindy. With all the animals I have I am still yet to be given that room but know I would find it hard too.

His fur looked so soft and shiny! Would make me have wanted to cuddle him all the time! Looks like he kept himself really clean

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, thank you for thinking of me on December 28. It has gotten easier after 3 years, but oh how I wish sometimes he was still with me! He was a special kitty, always made me smile with his antics and playfulness. Today (March 4) would have been Danny's 14th birthday.

Yes, his fur was really soft and shiny I brushed him every week and he enjoyed that so much! And I loved cuddling with him and giving him tummy rubs. He absolutely loved getting tummy rubs. Danny was a wonderful kitty, just beautiful inside and out.