Well, I guess I should get used to posting out here instead of the old forum. I'd never posted anywhere in my life until this. I use the computer a lot. I guess I just never needed solace like I do now...
I guess new people will find this place, so I will tell my story again. I think it helps to tell it.
We got Freyja, a beautiful, loving, joyous American Eskimo pup in December 1988. She was our puppy for about 12 years, ~2000, I guess, and then suddenly she was our "old dog..." We still loved her with all our hearts. She was such a good dog. She loved everyone and everything. Then, she got diagnosed with Cushing's (pituitary cancer). We opted not to do chemo (lysodren) but to do anipryl instead. She lived a couple years with it, and the anipryl seemed to help. She became increasing arthritic during those last couple of years though...
The last few months, she couldn't do stairs, so we'd carry her outside and set her down to do her business....
Then, Memorial Day weekend, something happened. I dunno what. I don't know if she had a stroke, or it the tumor was pressing on something or what. But she couldn't get up. She couldn't stand. She could move her head and eat and drink, but... When we tried to hold her up, help her stand, her legs would curl under, palsey-like. That was on Monday 5/26/03.
So we called the vet Tuesday 5/27/03. We called a vet that would come to your house. We made the appt at my parents house bc Freyja loved going there. She had a doggy door there, and my parents doted on her. Big back yard with squirrels to bark at... She loved it there.
And Wednesday, 5/28/03, the vet came over and... yes, it was the most horrible thing ever. She went with us holding her and loving her and all, but it was the most horrible thing ever. We buried her in their backyard, with a fan bc she hated the heat, and some pig ears -- her favorite treat and her tags, and brush....
The next day my grandma died, which is another story.
Then my most special cat got sick. She was a 12 year old Siamese and I love her more than anything. She had a lot of tests and etc., and finally was diagnosed with liver cancer. A week after the diagnosis, on June 19, 2003, she died snuggling with me.
We have one surviving cat, Electra, who is 15 and FIV+.
Our house is so lonely now, and we miss them so much. Electra misses them too.
And I was terrified at first that I might NEVER stop crying. Really, after Freyja collapsed, I spent all day every day crying. I'd wake up, remember, begin to cry and cry all day until I fell asleep... Not mild crying, either. Loud, wailing sobs for 16 hours...
But today is Sunday, and this past Friday, the crying slowed. I cried throughout the day on Friday, but in short little bursts. I'd cry for 10 minutes then stop for a couple hours, then cry for 10 more minutes...
Yesterday I cried in the morning, but not for the rest of the day.
I think mornings are especially hard bc I am used to being greeted when I get up. We had a whole routine of feedings, and going outside, and when they got older of medicines, too... And now I get up and Electra screams at me and runs away (very typical Electra behavior...) But Saki and Freyja are not there to say "Good morning, mama, how are you, we are glad you are awake, pet me, love me, feed me..."
So I am crying now, but a little, and maybe I'll stop before the day is through...
I've been doing what I can to memorialize them. It seems to be the only thing that dulls the ache. I'll try to post photos out here, though I've never done anything like that before. I've scanned them all, so I should be able to do it....
Anyway, if you are out here, it is bc you lost someone you loved sooo sooo sooo much. I am sorry for your loss -- really, I know how deep a loss it is...
Best to all,
Jennifer (Saki and Freyja's Mom)
Full Version: Am I Getting Better?
Dear Jennifer,
Oh dear you've had it tough! The deaths of 3 significant personalities in the space of 2 months will get some getting over. I've only just found this forum so I haven't read your previous posts, but it sounds like you are making progress grief-wise. I fully understand the strangeness of your mornings now with so little to do re: feeding, medicating. I remember after the deaths of each of my cats, chucking all the drugs and pills in the bin, furious because my efforts to save my cat had failed. Suddenly there's nothing to do. It may help you if you actively try to fill the time that was spent with Saki and Freyja with new activies, a new hobby, an excerise routine even! It took me a year before I was able to use photos of my cats on the web without crying when I saw them so the fact you are considering figuring out how to post pics of your pets here is good news. It sounds like Electra, at age 15, is doing remarkably well for a puss with FIV+. She's very lucky to have such a wonderful caring Mum such as you. Take care and don't feel guilty if one day you realise that you haven't cried that day. I hope that day comes soon.
- Helen
Oh dear you've had it tough! The deaths of 3 significant personalities in the space of 2 months will get some getting over. I've only just found this forum so I haven't read your previous posts, but it sounds like you are making progress grief-wise. I fully understand the strangeness of your mornings now with so little to do re: feeding, medicating. I remember after the deaths of each of my cats, chucking all the drugs and pills in the bin, furious because my efforts to save my cat had failed. Suddenly there's nothing to do. It may help you if you actively try to fill the time that was spent with Saki and Freyja with new activies, a new hobby, an excerise routine even! It took me a year before I was able to use photos of my cats on the web without crying when I saw them so the fact you are considering figuring out how to post pics of your pets here is good news. It sounds like Electra, at age 15, is doing remarkably well for a puss with FIV+. She's very lucky to have such a wonderful caring Mum such as you. Take care and don't feel guilty if one day you realise that you haven't cried that day. I hope that day comes soon.
- Helen
Thank you, Helen.
I DO feel guilty. I only cried a little bit this past weekend. Saki hasn't even been gone two weeks. Of course, I cried for her when she got sick...
Still, I guess part of me wants to cling to the pain... I lost them all within three weeks and felt like I'd been hit by a truck...
Yesterday, I missed my Grandma a lot too. I wrote her a letter every week, every Sunday. It would be nice if I had her shoulder to cry on, but I don't...I've thought about writing her letters anyway...
I was just telling Sue on the old forum that I need to get back into weight lifting and massages...
Your kitty is gorgeous!!! Pilling a cat is so dang hard!!!! After Saki got diabetic, we learned how easy injections were and when vets would give us pills we'd ask "Isn't there an injectable form????"
But you know that you did not fail your cat in any way. We just feel so responsible for them, I think we can't help but feel responsible when they die, too...
Best to you,
Jennifer
I DO feel guilty. I only cried a little bit this past weekend. Saki hasn't even been gone two weeks. Of course, I cried for her when she got sick...
Still, I guess part of me wants to cling to the pain... I lost them all within three weeks and felt like I'd been hit by a truck...
Yesterday, I missed my Grandma a lot too. I wrote her a letter every week, every Sunday. It would be nice if I had her shoulder to cry on, but I don't...I've thought about writing her letters anyway...
I was just telling Sue on the old forum that I need to get back into weight lifting and massages...
Your kitty is gorgeous!!! Pilling a cat is so dang hard!!!! After Saki got diabetic, we learned how easy injections were and when vets would give us pills we'd ask "Isn't there an injectable form????"
But you know that you did not fail your cat in any way. We just feel so responsible for them, I think we can't help but feel responsible when they die, too...Best to you,
Jennifer
After Freyja died, I said "Tim, we HAVE to video tape the pets more" as I watched the small amount of footage of them we had. Then of course, Saki got so sick and we didn't do it...
But I did take a bunch of photos of her in the couple of weeks before she died. As I scanned photos of all of them on to the computer I realized I didn't have NEARLY enough photos. I always thought I took a lot of them, but...
So I got them back today and they are really good.
I was so worried that they wouldn't turn out. They knew too at WM bc the envelope had a big pink sticker attached to it that said "Important Order." 
She is so gorgeous. Just looking at the photos of her, I feel my heart strings tug like I always did when she was here. The only thing wrong with the photos is in a few of them, you can see some of her shaved spots. On one arm she got bad razor burn... it actually looks worse in the photos than it was, but I hate seeing that. I tried really hard not to get any of her shaved spots... I hope someday to entirely forget her sickness and just remember how much fun we had...
Its funny seeing photos out here. I love looking at everyone's babies. Which is funny, bc normally, I don't care about photos of people's human children or furbabies. But when I look at the photos out here, I just think, "HOW PRECIOUS!" I just think of all the love and everyone looks so beautiful...
So it has been 11 days since Saki died and I took her to the vet that day to be cremated. They said it would take about a week, but I haven't heard back from them... I guess I should probably call them, but... I can't explain why I haven't. When I received her urn, I was quite pleased with it and a bit excited about the idea of having her home again (which still seems utterly weird to me...) But for some reason, I am hesitant to call the vet and ask if her cremains are there. I dunno -- maybe it is too FINAL or something...
I know all of my posts are just way too long.
But I am so glad I found this place. Reading other posts has helped me so much, I just hope some one gets some sort of solace from something I say.
Love to Saki and Freyja and everyone else,
Jennifer
But I did take a bunch of photos of her in the couple of weeks before she died. As I scanned photos of all of them on to the computer I realized I didn't have NEARLY enough photos. I always thought I took a lot of them, but...
So I got them back today and they are really good.
I was so worried that they wouldn't turn out. They knew too at WM bc the envelope had a big pink sticker attached to it that said "Important Order." She is so gorgeous. Just looking at the photos of her, I feel my heart strings tug like I always did when she was here. The only thing wrong with the photos is in a few of them, you can see some of her shaved spots. On one arm she got bad razor burn... it actually looks worse in the photos than it was, but I hate seeing that. I tried really hard not to get any of her shaved spots... I hope someday to entirely forget her sickness and just remember how much fun we had...
Its funny seeing photos out here. I love looking at everyone's babies. Which is funny, bc normally, I don't care about photos of people's human children or furbabies. But when I look at the photos out here, I just think, "HOW PRECIOUS!" I just think of all the love and everyone looks so beautiful...
So it has been 11 days since Saki died and I took her to the vet that day to be cremated. They said it would take about a week, but I haven't heard back from them... I guess I should probably call them, but... I can't explain why I haven't. When I received her urn, I was quite pleased with it and a bit excited about the idea of having her home again (which still seems utterly weird to me...) But for some reason, I am hesitant to call the vet and ask if her cremains are there. I dunno -- maybe it is too FINAL or something...
I know all of my posts are just way too long.
But I am so glad I found this place. Reading other posts has helped me so much, I just hope some one gets some sort of solace from something I say.Love to Saki and Freyja and everyone else,
Jennifer
Oh, one more thing. When I was at WM (you can guess, but I don't want to advertise for them) to get the photos, I was doing ok. I REALLY was. But then I passed the pet aisle, and thought "Freyja needs pig ears... Freyja is gone..." and it literally felt like someone had kicked me in the solar plexus. Air shot out of my chest and my gut cramped up... at least I didn't cry. I DO let my tears flow freely, but I just have hated it this past month all the crying uncontrollably in public....
Sorry i said grandad on the old forum youll see why next-
I had a sneak look at lightning strike at work today and read your message and my husbands been on the computer all night working so i couldnt write to you, consiquently i cant sleep, its 1.30 am here, so i had to get up to post this.
My grandad died a few years ago and obviously i was devastated and eventually i sat down and wrote him a long letter, i put all my regrets in it and how much i loved him and lots of other silly things that meant a lot to me, a bit like what i write here, anyway on the envelope i just wrote grandad and the idea was that i would post it nowing it wouldnt go anywhere, but it just got left on the passanger seat of my car, then the glove compartment and to tell you the truth ive no idea where it is now, maybe he has it.
I tend to leave little treasures in draws so when i tidy them i come across things like pictures my nieces or nephews drew for me when they were young, some sad things too like the leaflet from my dads funeral, when i come across this it now brings a smile as well as some sadness, thats why i know well all get over this eventually.
So im pretty sure one day ill come across the letter again.
When my nan died i kept a kind of diary letting her know what was going on in the family since she passed.
Silly things to some but i found they helped - so go ahead a write that letter ill bet shell be with you when you do.
Love Sue, Jude and Sadie
I had a sneak look at lightning strike at work today and read your message and my husbands been on the computer all night working so i couldnt write to you, consiquently i cant sleep, its 1.30 am here, so i had to get up to post this.
My grandad died a few years ago and obviously i was devastated and eventually i sat down and wrote him a long letter, i put all my regrets in it and how much i loved him and lots of other silly things that meant a lot to me, a bit like what i write here, anyway on the envelope i just wrote grandad and the idea was that i would post it nowing it wouldnt go anywhere, but it just got left on the passanger seat of my car, then the glove compartment and to tell you the truth ive no idea where it is now, maybe he has it.
I tend to leave little treasures in draws so when i tidy them i come across things like pictures my nieces or nephews drew for me when they were young, some sad things too like the leaflet from my dads funeral, when i come across this it now brings a smile as well as some sadness, thats why i know well all get over this eventually.
So im pretty sure one day ill come across the letter again.
When my nan died i kept a kind of diary letting her know what was going on in the family since she passed.
Silly things to some but i found they helped - so go ahead a write that letter ill bet shell be with you when you do.
Love Sue, Jude and Sadie
My grandma died before she received my last letter, so I put it in her casket. I had just been writing her weekly letters for so long, that it is weird now not too... At least I have few regrets with her -- bc I DID write the letters. When my grandpa died, I worried so that he didn't know how much I loved him; that's when I started the letters to Grandma. It gave her such delight...
I could keep writing her. Somehow, it would feel too weird. And not in a good way... I can't explain that.
I did read the grief tips for pets. Electra has been finicky in eating for years, and we have to cater to her, otherwise she won't eat. Her high weight was 10 lbs and she got down to 5. So we have to feed her (per vet orders) what she will eat... I also didn't understand the warning about giving them excessive attention...
I could keep writing her. Somehow, it would feel too weird. And not in a good way... I can't explain that.
I did read the grief tips for pets. Electra has been finicky in eating for years, and we have to cater to her, otherwise she won't eat. Her high weight was 10 lbs and she got down to 5. So we have to feed her (per vet orders) what she will eat... I also didn't understand the warning about giving them excessive attention...
Well, I think I will try to post a photo of Saki. I am missing her terribly this afternoon. Electra is screaming and won't shut up. I guess I should treasure it....
This should be a picture of saki eating...
Let's see...
This should be a picture of saki eating...
Let's see...
Oh my lord, that is HUGE!!!! Sorry. I don't know how to make it smaller. Her favorite thing to do was eat. That is an obnoxious picture, but I was crying and it made me laugh, bc it is really HUGE. I should make it my wall paper!!!
Yeah, so I removed the attachment. It was just too big. It was an endearing pic when its small, but when her head is bigger than mine, its just scary. Kitty Kong...
I had a bad dream last night. It was basically a re-living of the whole time Saki was sick. In the dream (as in life) she was sick, and we didn't know what was wrong, so we kept taking her to vets, and she was getting sicker, and it was all just terrible. I missed her a lot yesterday. I miss her a lot everyday... And Freyja too...
I had a bad dream last night. It was basically a re-living of the whole time Saki was sick. In the dream (as in life) she was sick, and we didn't know what was wrong, so we kept taking her to vets, and she was getting sicker, and it was all just terrible. I missed her a lot yesterday. I miss her a lot everyday... And Freyja too...
Hang in there Jennifer, you will have bad days in between the not very good days. Is there any way you can go on holiday or take a weekend break? It really helps, believe me. Luckily for me my mother lives in Spain or Holland depending on the time of year so I've always got somewhere different to go to at short notice. When Tom died I jumped on a plane and went to Holland for a week. With Harry I was in Spain with Mum only a couple of weeks before he took a turn for the worst, but still after he died, I begged for time off from work and went walking in Wales for a long weekend. Just to get away from the empty house is great and of course, most importantly, it keeps your over active mind occupied with something neutral.
That was a daft picture of your Saki, what a messy puss! Reminded me of when Harry could only eat whizzed up raw chicken liver because of tumour on his jaw, he would flick it around his mouth and get his face covered with it so I had to wash him after each meal. Just like old folks, old cats can be very messy eaters. If you have any graphics or photo editing software on your PC there's usually a way to reduce the size of a picture. The way to tell it's been done is that the file size gets much smaller! Check the file size using Explorer.
Keep posting if it helps! Keep busy now! - Helen
(my avator picture on the left here is of me with Harry's at his last Christmas, 2 months before he died).
That was a daft picture of your Saki, what a messy puss! Reminded me of when Harry could only eat whizzed up raw chicken liver because of tumour on his jaw, he would flick it around his mouth and get his face covered with it so I had to wash him after each meal. Just like old folks, old cats can be very messy eaters. If you have any graphics or photo editing software on your PC there's usually a way to reduce the size of a picture. The way to tell it's been done is that the file size gets much smaller! Check the file size using Explorer.
Keep posting if it helps! Keep busy now! - Helen
(my avator picture on the left here is of me with Harry's at his last Christmas, 2 months before he died).
Actually, Saki was ALWAYS a messy eater. It was hilarious. She loved to eat and always ate with GUSTO!!!! She ate pretty well until a couple days before she died, liver cancer and all. She was picky about the dishes she ate out of ("Glass please, plastic--NO thank you), and she always got food EVERYWHERE. Of course we complained about that every once in awhile, but really not much. We always found it funny. "Saki is hungry like the wolf!!!" Electra is of course the direct opposite. Never more than one morsel of food in her mouth at a time. Very dainty and polite...
We had a friend visit this past weekend, and that was helpful. He's the kind of friend who, if Tim or I did burst into tears suddenly, or start on an hour long conversation re: the wonders of Saki and Freyja, it wouldn't phase him. Unfortunately, friends like that are few and far between.
I know you are right Helen, that we should save ourselves some down time, but... it's just hard. People, even people we love, seem annoying somehow right now. Still, it is the 4th of July this weekend, so maybe Tim and I will get out and do something fun.
I do have graphics software. But I haven't used it in over a year, and it is just a matter of finding time to play with it...
I am working again. I was off the first part of the summer (I teach). So I can no longer ALLOW myself to cry all day (which also may be why I had a bad dream last night...) But it is also probably good to have something to focus on rather than "I miss my babies..." Mmmn-- I do miss them...
We had a friend visit this past weekend, and that was helpful. He's the kind of friend who, if Tim or I did burst into tears suddenly, or start on an hour long conversation re: the wonders of Saki and Freyja, it wouldn't phase him. Unfortunately, friends like that are few and far between.
I know you are right Helen, that we should save ourselves some down time, but... it's just hard. People, even people we love, seem annoying somehow right now. Still, it is the 4th of July this weekend, so maybe Tim and I will get out and do something fun.
I do have graphics software. But I haven't used it in over a year, and it is just a matter of finding time to play with it...
I am working again. I was off the first part of the summer (I teach). So I can no longer ALLOW myself to cry all day (which also may be why I had a bad dream last night...) But it is also probably good to have something to focus on rather than "I miss my babies..." Mmmn-- I do miss them...
I agree with Helen even a night away, but i can imagine your reluctant to leave Electra, maybe you could find a friend to cat sit we did with Jude and Sadie and then Jude one night for dinner, i took the mobile with me and phoned and made her promise to phone no matter what.
I think thats what they mean by excessive attention because Electra could end up pining for you if you go out and leave her on her own.
We went round a friends at xmas, we waited till Jude fell asleep and we were only gone an hour or so but when we got home Jude was crying the house down shed never been on her own in 17 years it was awful.
We should all post on the old forum begging the others to come over.
Im going to bed now to see if i can sleep.
Talk tomorrow
Love Sue
I think thats what they mean by excessive attention because Electra could end up pining for you if you go out and leave her on her own.
We went round a friends at xmas, we waited till Jude fell asleep and we were only gone an hour or so but when we got home Jude was crying the house down shed never been on her own in 17 years it was awful.
We should all post on the old forum begging the others to come over.
Im going to bed now to see if i can sleep.
Talk tomorrow
Love Sue
Ok I will try to take a night off /away, even though I don't really want to. I think that is good advice...
And I will try to post another pic of my babies. I tried to make Saki an avatar, but that was too big, too.
I think I will probably call the vet today and check on Saki's cremains. That makes my stomach go tight... but she needs to be back home...
Love,
Jennifer
And I will try to post another pic of my babies. I tried to make Saki an avatar, but that was too big, too.
I think I will probably call the vet today and check on Saki's cremains. That makes my stomach go tight... but she needs to be back home...
Love,
Jennifer
Harry is a beautiful cat. I am glad to see people are using the new forum... I hope we can all continue to be a part of this community - helping others contributes to our own humanity.
So, Helen -- did/do you have a "Dick"? 
Sorry that is very rude. But "Tom" and "Harry"... Harry is a beautiful cat. I can only guess that his tumor must've developed suddenly. I am sorry for your loss and good for you for getting more time off work and getting away.
Dj's finally come to the new forum and I am happy about that.
I'd thought about calling re: Saki's cremains today. I guess I probably should. But I just spent the last 30 minutes crying...Ok...i am on the phone with them now....on hold...still on hold...
Well, they don't seem to have them. Hmf.
I was writing earlier that I haven't had any anger (yet) with the grief. But if they don't find her soon, I think I will find my anger...
Sorry that is very rude. But "Tom" and "Harry"... Harry is a beautiful cat. I can only guess that his tumor must've developed suddenly. I am sorry for your loss and good for you for getting more time off work and getting away.Dj's finally come to the new forum and I am happy about that.
I'd thought about calling re: Saki's cremains today. I guess I probably should. But I just spent the last 30 minutes crying...Ok...i am on the phone with them now....on hold...still on hold...
Well, they don't seem to have them. Hmf.
I was writing earlier that I haven't had any anger (yet) with the grief. But if they don't find her soon, I think I will find my anger...
Took me a while to figure out the Dick bit 
Tom Dick and Harry - very funny
Did you realise this Helen when you named your fur babies?
Love Sue
Tom Dick and Harry - very funny
Did you realise this Helen when you named your fur babies?
Love Sue
Well, the irony made ME laugh if nobody else HUUUUUGGGSSS
HUUUUUGGGSSS
Ok, so I went out last night. We went to the drive-in and saw a couple of movies. And it was good. We were gone most the evening and into the early morning.
I realize that I have to start moving on. This doesn't mean stop crying or forget or anything. What it means is I have to start acting normal again. Even if I don't quite feel normal still. It means I have to start getting back into my routines, fitting myself into my life, establishing new routines where the old ones are all screwed up (i.e., morning feedings and etc.).
Electra seemed to do ok while we were gone. She can be so annoying. She cries, screams really so much of the time. Saki would talk, Electra does this demanding high-pitched squeal. When she was a kitten, she'd do this, and I'd tell her "Electra, incessant crying is the number one cause of child abuse..." But I guess I never did anything about it, bc she is 15 and still screams at us. So she was doing that when I got up, but that is not unusual for her.
Yesterday, I called her "Saki" and Tim looked at me. I'd had a rough afternoon of crying, and that started it all up again...
Electra really has been trying to take care of me through all of this. She has snuggled with me more in the past month than she has in all of her previous 15 years combined. And I let her; I think it is good for the both of us... but I still ache for Saki...
I realize that I have to start moving on. This doesn't mean stop crying or forget or anything. What it means is I have to start acting normal again. Even if I don't quite feel normal still. It means I have to start getting back into my routines, fitting myself into my life, establishing new routines where the old ones are all screwed up (i.e., morning feedings and etc.).
Electra seemed to do ok while we were gone. She can be so annoying. She cries, screams really so much of the time. Saki would talk, Electra does this demanding high-pitched squeal. When she was a kitten, she'd do this, and I'd tell her "Electra, incessant crying is the number one cause of child abuse..." But I guess I never did anything about it, bc she is 15 and still screams at us. So she was doing that when I got up, but that is not unusual for her.
Yesterday, I called her "Saki" and Tim looked at me. I'd had a rough afternoon of crying, and that started it all up again...
Electra really has been trying to take care of me through all of this. She has snuggled with me more in the past month than she has in all of her previous 15 years combined. And I let her; I think it is good for the both of us... but I still ache for Saki...
Everything moves forward. Even as we grieve, the world keeps moving - we just have to realize that.
It's been over a year and I still cry now and then. I miss them so much. But I have Oscar now, and the little orange goof keeps me occupied.
I have been feeding a stray in the hopes that I can lure him into a cat cage and get him to a vet. His eyes are runny and he's obviously grown up on the street. PEOPLE CAN BE HORRIBLE - sorry, I had to say that. At one time this cat was a little baby!!! He needs help - so everyone please wish me luck. His fur is so matted and he's always panting from the heat. I put out water as well... He actually comes right up to me when I call him. Poor guy. Keep your fingers crossed everyone.
It's been over a year and I still cry now and then. I miss them so much. But I have Oscar now, and the little orange goof keeps me occupied.
I have been feeding a stray in the hopes that I can lure him into a cat cage and get him to a vet. His eyes are runny and he's obviously grown up on the street. PEOPLE CAN BE HORRIBLE - sorry, I had to say that. At one time this cat was a little baby!!! He needs help - so everyone please wish me luck. His fur is so matted and he's always panting from the heat. I put out water as well... He actually comes right up to me when I call him. Poor guy. Keep your fingers crossed everyone.
Dear Jennifer ive had a drink so im not going to say to much but ive been worried all day about Saki's cremains. please did they find them is everything ok
Love Sue
Love Sue
Hi, Sue,
That's so sweet of you to worry about me and Saki. Thank you.
It is a holiday weekend here, so I can't find anything more out until Monday. It's weighing heavily on me.
Tim and I went out again last night. Of course, we ended up talking about how much we miss them and etc. as we always do. It's good though bc I have you guys and he only talks to me about it. Anyway, he is worried about the cremains, too, but he also is worried that they won't be her cremains anyway. That really bothers me. I mean, I worry about it too -- that they won't be hers, but he seems rather convinced that they won't. I don't want him to talk like that anymore....
He had a dream. In his dream, Saki came home, but she was a ghost. And she kept telling him she wanted tuna but he kept telling her "you can't eat -- you're a ghost..." That made her mad, so she got under the bed like she used to and plucked on the springs. That used to drive tim nuts. It never bothered me, I just assumed it was her guitar....
That's so sweet of you to worry about me and Saki. Thank you.
It is a holiday weekend here, so I can't find anything more out until Monday. It's weighing heavily on me.
Tim and I went out again last night. Of course, we ended up talking about how much we miss them and etc. as we always do. It's good though bc I have you guys and he only talks to me about it. Anyway, he is worried about the cremains, too, but he also is worried that they won't be her cremains anyway. That really bothers me. I mean, I worry about it too -- that they won't be hers, but he seems rather convinced that they won't. I don't want him to talk like that anymore....
He had a dream. In his dream, Saki came home, but she was a ghost. And she kept telling him she wanted tuna but he kept telling her "you can't eat -- you're a ghost..." That made her mad, so she got under the bed like she used to and plucked on the springs. That used to drive tim nuts. It never bothered me, I just assumed it was her guitar....
So I still cry and I cry...
Yesterday a friend sent me a little grief care package and I cried. I didn't used to be like that -- cry bc I am touched.
And today my sis-in-law gave me a little book called "cat heaven..." I've worried about Saki so much. I love the Rainbow Bridge story, but its consistently given me more comfort in regards to Freyja than Saki. I can see Freyja playing with Jude, Sadie and etc, and having medows and streams and being quite happy. But Saki ... she's different. She didn't like anyone but me!!! And Tim. She was a good cat, but she didn't like other people--she wasn't unfriendly, she was shy; she didn't like it outside; she didn't like other animals except Frey and Lec... And she loved us a LOT. We were her WHOLE WORLD. And I've worried so that's she scared and lonely... That is probably part of why I write so much more about her than I do Frey. Anyway, the book is a kids book, but it is sweet. And of course there is someone she likes taking very special care of her there, and letting her sleep in their bed...
My big sweet girl, I miss you so much...
Yesterday a friend sent me a little grief care package and I cried. I didn't used to be like that -- cry bc I am touched.
And today my sis-in-law gave me a little book called "cat heaven..." I've worried about Saki so much. I love the Rainbow Bridge story, but its consistently given me more comfort in regards to Freyja than Saki. I can see Freyja playing with Jude, Sadie and etc, and having medows and streams and being quite happy. But Saki ... she's different. She didn't like anyone but me!!! And Tim. She was a good cat, but she didn't like other people--she wasn't unfriendly, she was shy; she didn't like it outside; she didn't like other animals except Frey and Lec... And she loved us a LOT. We were her WHOLE WORLD. And I've worried so that's she scared and lonely... That is probably part of why I write so much more about her than I do Frey. Anyway, the book is a kids book, but it is sweet. And of course there is someone she likes taking very special care of her there, and letting her sleep in their bed...
My big sweet girl, I miss you so much...
If our pets and of course we can become whole again and leave behind the arthritis and pain, then why would we carry over our fears and dislikes.
Besides Freyja is there to make sure she gets everything she needs, maybe thats why Feyja went first to get everything prepared for Saki.
And why would she need a bed when she can jump onto a fluffy white cloud and just let it rap around her.
Love Sue
Besides Freyja is there to make sure she gets everything she needs, maybe thats why Feyja went first to get everything prepared for Saki.
And why would she need a bed when she can jump onto a fluffy white cloud and just let it rap around her.
Love Sue
So I started this conversation as a way of measuring "Am I getting better?"
A coworker asked about my Saki locket and I didn't cry. She was the first one to ask anything about my losses; I'd told another coworker to please not ask. And I guess maybe he spread that word... but then she asked and I didn't cry, but then she kept talking about it and I didn't want to. But I didn't cry. I was proud of myself for that.
I don't mind crying, I just don't like to do it in public.
I am afraid I offended Helen with my question regarding her pets' names. I didn't mean to. And if I did, I am REALLY sorry.
I offended a dear friend. She called soon after Frey died. She was just calling to check up on me, to offer support. But I said something rude to her, I don't even quite remember what, but the gist of it was "I don't want to talk to anyone..." Of course, I was sobbing uncontrollably at that point (for that entire month) and I guess she understood, but still... I wrote her an apology.
Even though I guess there are a lot of people in my life who DO understand what Frey and Saki meant to me, I guess I am REALLY only comfortable talking about it out here and with Tim. So I have a leg up on Tim bc he is only comfortable talking with me....
I told another coworker that my dog, cat and grandma had died in the month I was MIA, and he said "My dog died March 30... he was a schnauzer..." and then he changed the subject...
I felt bad bc I knew he hurt, reciting the date like that and all. But we couldn't rightly sit up there at work and boo hoo together... So I was also relieved when he changed the subject....
The thing is, when I am out here... I can connect to your love and your pain without restraint. The stories I read, the pictures I see... the loss... I read them and I feel them as my own... I cry and I cry -- Jude, Sadie, Edgar, Jesse, Tom, Harry, Rudy, Manny, Roscoe...Saki and Freyja... I feel all that love and all that loss at once... And yeah, the pain increases, but the love does too...
A coworker asked about my Saki locket and I didn't cry. She was the first one to ask anything about my losses; I'd told another coworker to please not ask. And I guess maybe he spread that word... but then she asked and I didn't cry, but then she kept talking about it and I didn't want to. But I didn't cry. I was proud of myself for that.
I don't mind crying, I just don't like to do it in public.
I am afraid I offended Helen with my question regarding her pets' names. I didn't mean to. And if I did, I am REALLY sorry.
I offended a dear friend. She called soon after Frey died. She was just calling to check up on me, to offer support. But I said something rude to her, I don't even quite remember what, but the gist of it was "I don't want to talk to anyone..." Of course, I was sobbing uncontrollably at that point (for that entire month) and I guess she understood, but still... I wrote her an apology.
Even though I guess there are a lot of people in my life who DO understand what Frey and Saki meant to me, I guess I am REALLY only comfortable talking about it out here and with Tim. So I have a leg up on Tim bc he is only comfortable talking with me....
I told another coworker that my dog, cat and grandma had died in the month I was MIA, and he said "My dog died March 30... he was a schnauzer..." and then he changed the subject...
I felt bad bc I knew he hurt, reciting the date like that and all. But we couldn't rightly sit up there at work and boo hoo together... So I was also relieved when he changed the subject....
The thing is, when I am out here... I can connect to your love and your pain without restraint. The stories I read, the pictures I see... the loss... I read them and I feel them as my own... I cry and I cry -- Jude, Sadie, Edgar, Jesse, Tom, Harry, Rudy, Manny, Roscoe...Saki and Freyja... I feel all that love and all that loss at once... And yeah, the pain increases, but the love does too...
So I got Saki's cremains back today. I haven't put her in her urn yet. ...
I was doing pretty well, and then I started telling the tech's about Saki's urn and lost it. I know I've said it before, but: I HATE crying in public!!!! I miss her so much...
So my biggest dilemma now is that I had a bit too much to drink last night and told tim I want another dog. Yep, I am blaming it on the alcohol. I said the whole time Freyja was alive that I never wanted another dog. And it is not bc Freyja was so special (although she was) and not bc I don't want to go thru that again (even tho I don't). ....
My sister in law says my standards are WAY too high and maybe she is right. But... I wasn't the perfect mom. Truth is, the cats got more attention than frey and I always feel bad about that (then and now). I mean, Frey lead a very pampered life. But I never ever felt like I was giving back to her what she gave me. I know, I am a human, I have a right to go on vacation. But...
So now Tim is pestering me and it is irritating. But also irritating bc I feel this tug. ... The house is lonely. We can't get other cats...
And it all just feels really screwed up. ...
I am worried that I want another dog just bc I ... the past 6 weeks I lost so much and ... it feels like maybe I do NOT want another dog, but I just really need to fill in the 3 HUGE holes in my life. And I don't know how to do that and so it's like: ok fill it with another dog.
So its like I am not really sure that I want another dog, but I feel like maybe I do, but not really bc what I really want is for the house not to be so dang quiet....
I do not want another dog bc I always felt guilty with Freyja, and bc it was a pain getting babysitters, and bc...
The truth is, if I could get another cat, I probably would. ... I can't even begin to imagine living n a house without pets. I'd go nuts. But getting more cats really isn't an option with Electra being 15 and FIV.
When I went to the vet to pick up Saki's cremains, there was a puppy in there, cutest little thing. And if her Mommy had said "You want her?" then I wouldn't be writing THIS, I'd be writing "So, I got a dog..."
It feels too soon for another thing. I feel like Freyja's barely passed.
I just don't think I am ready. And I need to tell tim to back off. Back WAY the heck off. Because I AM vulnerable right now. And it is not fair to anyone to use that vulnerability against me...
Love ya'll and appreciate any input...
--Jennifer
I was doing pretty well, and then I started telling the tech's about Saki's urn and lost it. I know I've said it before, but: I HATE crying in public!!!! I miss her so much...
So my biggest dilemma now is that I had a bit too much to drink last night and told tim I want another dog. Yep, I am blaming it on the alcohol. I said the whole time Freyja was alive that I never wanted another dog. And it is not bc Freyja was so special (although she was) and not bc I don't want to go thru that again (even tho I don't). ....
My sister in law says my standards are WAY too high and maybe she is right. But... I wasn't the perfect mom. Truth is, the cats got more attention than frey and I always feel bad about that (then and now). I mean, Frey lead a very pampered life. But I never ever felt like I was giving back to her what she gave me. I know, I am a human, I have a right to go on vacation. But...
So now Tim is pestering me and it is irritating. But also irritating bc I feel this tug. ... The house is lonely. We can't get other cats...
And it all just feels really screwed up. ...
I am worried that I want another dog just bc I ... the past 6 weeks I lost so much and ... it feels like maybe I do NOT want another dog, but I just really need to fill in the 3 HUGE holes in my life. And I don't know how to do that and so it's like: ok fill it with another dog.
So its like I am not really sure that I want another dog, but I feel like maybe I do, but not really bc what I really want is for the house not to be so dang quiet....
I do not want another dog bc I always felt guilty with Freyja, and bc it was a pain getting babysitters, and bc...
The truth is, if I could get another cat, I probably would. ... I can't even begin to imagine living n a house without pets. I'd go nuts. But getting more cats really isn't an option with Electra being 15 and FIV.
When I went to the vet to pick up Saki's cremains, there was a puppy in there, cutest little thing. And if her Mommy had said "You want her?" then I wouldn't be writing THIS, I'd be writing "So, I got a dog..."
It feels too soon for another thing. I feel like Freyja's barely passed.
I just don't think I am ready. And I need to tell tim to back off. Back WAY the heck off. Because I AM vulnerable right now. And it is not fair to anyone to use that vulnerability against me...
Love ya'll and appreciate any input...
--Jennifer
Once you have come to terms with your losses will then be the time to think about another addition, a new puppy, kitten needs lots of love to settle into a new home not someone who loves them one minute feels guilty the next and rejects them then next then loves them again.
I don’t mean that cruelly but your emotions are up the wall look after you for a little while.
I probably shouldn’t say this but Tim is probably feeling vulnerable at he moment and wants to help you but doesn’t know how, maybe he wants another dog so you can become you again, the trouble is neither of you are going to be the same again your both treading on different territory know and dare I say both grown up a little – and non of us want that.
Ask him to give you and himself time, maybe next year talk about how far you’ve come and where you want to go from here on by then you’ll have learnt a lot from what you’ve been through together and be the stronger for it.
Having said all that I went into the pet shop yesterday and there was lots of baby bunnies, I stood talking to the mum saying ‘oh you poor thing its so hot’ ‘aren’t your babies lovely’ etc etc, it was lovely to coo for a little while (sorry but that’s just not something I do with human babies, I think I'm frightened of them)
We kept both our girls ashes for a few days even though we knew what ‘i’ wanted to do with them, so I hope all goes well and gives you some peace.
We celebrated our 21 wedding anniversary today – not - so I'm signing off for a couple of days to make up for it.
See ya all next week
Love and peace to all of you
Sue
I don’t mean that cruelly but your emotions are up the wall look after you for a little while.
I probably shouldn’t say this but Tim is probably feeling vulnerable at he moment and wants to help you but doesn’t know how, maybe he wants another dog so you can become you again, the trouble is neither of you are going to be the same again your both treading on different territory know and dare I say both grown up a little – and non of us want that.
Ask him to give you and himself time, maybe next year talk about how far you’ve come and where you want to go from here on by then you’ll have learnt a lot from what you’ve been through together and be the stronger for it.
Having said all that I went into the pet shop yesterday and there was lots of baby bunnies, I stood talking to the mum saying ‘oh you poor thing its so hot’ ‘aren’t your babies lovely’ etc etc, it was lovely to coo for a little while (sorry but that’s just not something I do with human babies, I think I'm frightened of them)
We kept both our girls ashes for a few days even though we knew what ‘i’ wanted to do with them, so I hope all goes well and gives you some peace.
We celebrated our 21 wedding anniversary today – not - so I'm signing off for a couple of days to make up for it.
See ya all next week
Love and peace to all of you
Sue
You know..... after a few drinks our inhibitions are down and what we say is usually the TRUE way we feel about things.... It's just that we've shut down our internal editing.
Do what you feel is right. But, I'll tell you something, getting Oscar last year was the most wonderful thing to ease my grief and make me feel better. I didn't want another cat but the condo was SO empty feeling... Cats just FILL UP SPACE!!!
I cried sometimes when he would curl up in my lap, I'd be remembering Jesse and Edgar... But it was worth remembering the pain to see a little furball trusting me totally and giving me all the love he has. I guess, for the third time in my life, I chose Tears.
And I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Do what you feel is right. But, I'll tell you something, getting Oscar last year was the most wonderful thing to ease my grief and make me feel better. I didn't want another cat but the condo was SO empty feeling... Cats just FILL UP SPACE!!!
I cried sometimes when he would curl up in my lap, I'd be remembering Jesse and Edgar... But it was worth remembering the pain to see a little furball trusting me totally and giving me all the love he has. I guess, for the third time in my life, I chose Tears.
And I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
I am kinda surprised, DJ, that you don't recommend more alone- healing time....
So if you didn't want another cat, then I guess your partner talked you into Oscar --??? One thing that occurred to me today is "What about Tim?" That sounds crazy -- I'm really not a selfish person! He's really pushing (still) another dog. I am generally the one who makes decisions in our family. What I say, goes. Anyway, it occurred to me today that Tim might need something different than what I need to heal. So that complicates the equation more...
But I am still kinda also feeling like Sue's advice is right: it would be wrong to get a pet when my emotions are so chaotic. "I wuv da puppy-- you're not my dog!"
Tim called me today and sounded so down. He'd been to the pet store and apparently some *&(&&*(%$% had decided that they couldn't keep their 9 year old cat anymore. What upset Tim more is that it apparently looked EXACTLY like Saki. I felt so sorry for him, seeing "our" cat in a cage like that, not able to do anything about it...
And what is up with people abandoning their pets????? If I could have just one more moment with Saki or Frey.... And these people just throw OUT their pets bc the pet no longer fits their lifestyle/house/whatever...
I think those people are evil. I really do. If you can just toss out someone who loves you and needs you that much, there is really something lacking or rotten in your soul. (Joe feels guilty about Roscoe, but that was an ACCIDENT... it is the sick people who CHOOSE -- ACTIVELY!!-- to do dastardly things to their loved ones that need to feel guilty...)
Sue -- Thank you for warning me that you'd be gone a couple days. I am such a freak nowadays with my separation anxiety. I really didn't used to be like that. Hopefully it will go away when I heal a little more... Anyway, I hope you have a happy, fabulous weekend. Celebrate that 21st with gusto!!! :-)
I saw Karla's introduction on the cyber shoulder. I am glad she is here and reading, even if not posting.
I still haven't put Saki's cremains in the urn. It looks like a four hand job, so I might get tim to help this weekend.
Love ya'll
Jennifer
So if you didn't want another cat, then I guess your partner talked you into Oscar --??? One thing that occurred to me today is "What about Tim?" That sounds crazy -- I'm really not a selfish person! He's really pushing (still) another dog. I am generally the one who makes decisions in our family. What I say, goes. Anyway, it occurred to me today that Tim might need something different than what I need to heal. So that complicates the equation more...
But I am still kinda also feeling like Sue's advice is right: it would be wrong to get a pet when my emotions are so chaotic. "I wuv da puppy-- you're not my dog!"
Tim called me today and sounded so down. He'd been to the pet store and apparently some *&(&&*(%$% had decided that they couldn't keep their 9 year old cat anymore. What upset Tim more is that it apparently looked EXACTLY like Saki. I felt so sorry for him, seeing "our" cat in a cage like that, not able to do anything about it...
And what is up with people abandoning their pets????? If I could have just one more moment with Saki or Frey.... And these people just throw OUT their pets bc the pet no longer fits their lifestyle/house/whatever...
I think those people are evil. I really do. If you can just toss out someone who loves you and needs you that much, there is really something lacking or rotten in your soul. (Joe feels guilty about Roscoe, but that was an ACCIDENT... it is the sick people who CHOOSE -- ACTIVELY!!-- to do dastardly things to their loved ones that need to feel guilty...)
Sue -- Thank you for warning me that you'd be gone a couple days. I am such a freak nowadays with my separation anxiety. I really didn't used to be like that. Hopefully it will go away when I heal a little more... Anyway, I hope you have a happy, fabulous weekend. Celebrate that 21st with gusto!!! :-)
I saw Karla's introduction on the cyber shoulder. I am glad she is here and reading, even if not posting.
I still haven't put Saki's cremains in the urn. It looks like a four hand job, so I might get tim to help this weekend.
Love ya'll
Jennifer
So we got another dog. I think she might get big; she's just a pup now. Tim just pointed out that she was born about the same time Freyja died. I don't know if it was the right or wrong thing. I don't know if it is too soon. I know that Electra has stopped crying...
We got her at the pound. It was hard to get her out of her cage; she wouldn't come and her sister was protecting her. When I finally got her she just cried and cried -- like she wanted to stay there...
She is still somewhat afraid of us. She is hiding in the cranny. I keep dragging her out and holding her which she tolerates and likes.
I feel so sorry for her. She may have been in that cage for god knows how long. She may not know/remember anything else. But she would probably be killed if we didn't take her. Another couple came and tried to take the sister pup, but the sister pup wouldn't come to them, either, so they took a different dog. Poor sister pup.
So maybe this little fur ball and I can learn together that it is ok to love, even though risks come with that love.
I choose tears...
We got her at the pound. It was hard to get her out of her cage; she wouldn't come and her sister was protecting her. When I finally got her she just cried and cried -- like she wanted to stay there...
She is still somewhat afraid of us. She is hiding in the cranny. I keep dragging her out and holding her which she tolerates and likes.
I feel so sorry for her. She may have been in that cage for god knows how long. She may not know/remember anything else. But she would probably be killed if we didn't take her. Another couple came and tried to take the sister pup, but the sister pup wouldn't come to them, either, so they took a different dog. Poor sister pup.
So maybe this little fur ball and I can learn together that it is ok to love, even though risks come with that love.
I choose tears...
Hi Jennifer,
So, how are you doing? From your messages I think you are coming along steadily. About the getting another dog thing, I agree it sounds like it’s too soon. Also it sounds like Electra is slowly changing in purrsonality as I thought she might and it would be a shame to introduce another stressful change to your household at the moment. She would certainly view any new pet’s arrival as stressful and she’s had a lot of change hasn’t she? In time you could get another FIV+ cat if you put your name down for one at a rescue centre. I have a story about that. A few years ago, a lady in my neighbourhood had been feeding a ginger cat for a while before she realised he had no regular home. Her own cats would not accept him in so she called the rescue home. I was asked by the home to collect him and he was a nice puss. As is the routine, the home’s vet gave him a cat flu jab. Disaster! He reacted so badly to the flu jab, so they tested him for FIV and sure enough he was positive. They put him to sleep I’m sorry to say because they felt he could never be rehomed. Never give a FIV+ cat any vaccination jabs because they haven’t got the immune system to cope.
Of course I had a laugh about the Tom Dick and Harry thing, I just hadn’t checked into the newsgroup for a while to respond. I’ll tell you how they came to be named. My first cat, Jerry came from the rescue centre as a “teenage” cat of about 6 months old. He had huge ears so I called him Jerry after the cartoon Tom cat and big eared Jerry the mouse. He grew in size to be a big black cat weighing a stone! A year later a little kitten was brought home by my then husband, and because I already had a Jerry, the kitten had to be Tom didn’t he! In fact Tom didn’t really suit him, he was more often called Tommy Tittlemouse. Now Harry was never supposed to be my cat. He was about the same age as my cats. He lived next door but found the facilities far better in my establishment, especially when he was locked out of his home which didn’t have a cat flap. Eventually I agreed to take Harry over but I didn’t name him you see! Harry spent years trying to get the upper hand over my other 2 cats. He constantly scented marked my flat by pissing in the hallway, so much so the hall was always lined with plastic. Ha! Doesn’t the little g** look angelic with me in the photo? What a pest he was! Jerry died at age 15, but when Tom died 2 years later aged 17, Harry changed into a much more affectionate lap cat. He was now “Boss and “The Only Cat” and he stopped pissing inside entirely within a fortnight of Tom’s death. He finally got what he always wanted, a home of his very own. He’d finally outlived the other two, and it was like that for nearly 2 happy years until he got an old age related tumour, aged 19. I’m glad to have had the opportunity to know what a lovely cat he could be, rather than “the pest who pisses.”
Now what does Electra want? She’s now got a home of her very own, with your full attention at long last. Let her enjoy it, you’ve already said she’s become more affectionate. See what happens, don’t rush. Without a dog you have more freedom, so use it and have some good times for yourself now. I’m cat-less now and it’s been over a year since Harry’s death in Feb 2002 and I’m in no hurry to replace them yet. This has come of a surprise to me but I have other things going on in my life and my partner says he is enjoying the extra helping of affection he now gets from me! Take your time to get over your losses, and enjoy Electra!
- Helen
So, how are you doing? From your messages I think you are coming along steadily. About the getting another dog thing, I agree it sounds like it’s too soon. Also it sounds like Electra is slowly changing in purrsonality as I thought she might and it would be a shame to introduce another stressful change to your household at the moment. She would certainly view any new pet’s arrival as stressful and she’s had a lot of change hasn’t she? In time you could get another FIV+ cat if you put your name down for one at a rescue centre. I have a story about that. A few years ago, a lady in my neighbourhood had been feeding a ginger cat for a while before she realised he had no regular home. Her own cats would not accept him in so she called the rescue home. I was asked by the home to collect him and he was a nice puss. As is the routine, the home’s vet gave him a cat flu jab. Disaster! He reacted so badly to the flu jab, so they tested him for FIV and sure enough he was positive. They put him to sleep I’m sorry to say because they felt he could never be rehomed. Never give a FIV+ cat any vaccination jabs because they haven’t got the immune system to cope.
Of course I had a laugh about the Tom Dick and Harry thing, I just hadn’t checked into the newsgroup for a while to respond. I’ll tell you how they came to be named. My first cat, Jerry came from the rescue centre as a “teenage” cat of about 6 months old. He had huge ears so I called him Jerry after the cartoon Tom cat and big eared Jerry the mouse. He grew in size to be a big black cat weighing a stone! A year later a little kitten was brought home by my then husband, and because I already had a Jerry, the kitten had to be Tom didn’t he! In fact Tom didn’t really suit him, he was more often called Tommy Tittlemouse. Now Harry was never supposed to be my cat. He was about the same age as my cats. He lived next door but found the facilities far better in my establishment, especially when he was locked out of his home which didn’t have a cat flap. Eventually I agreed to take Harry over but I didn’t name him you see! Harry spent years trying to get the upper hand over my other 2 cats. He constantly scented marked my flat by pissing in the hallway, so much so the hall was always lined with plastic. Ha! Doesn’t the little g** look angelic with me in the photo? What a pest he was! Jerry died at age 15, but when Tom died 2 years later aged 17, Harry changed into a much more affectionate lap cat. He was now “Boss and “The Only Cat” and he stopped pissing inside entirely within a fortnight of Tom’s death. He finally got what he always wanted, a home of his very own. He’d finally outlived the other two, and it was like that for nearly 2 happy years until he got an old age related tumour, aged 19. I’m glad to have had the opportunity to know what a lovely cat he could be, rather than “the pest who pisses.”
Now what does Electra want? She’s now got a home of her very own, with your full attention at long last. Let her enjoy it, you’ve already said she’s become more affectionate. See what happens, don’t rush. Without a dog you have more freedom, so use it and have some good times for yourself now. I’m cat-less now and it’s been over a year since Harry’s death in Feb 2002 and I’m in no hurry to replace them yet. This has come of a surprise to me but I have other things going on in my life and my partner says he is enjoying the extra helping of affection he now gets from me! Take your time to get over your losses, and enjoy Electra!
- Helen
Hi, Helen,
I am glad your back, and enjoyed Tom, Jerry and Harry's stories...
But I guess you missed my most recent post (you were perhaps writing it while I was writing mine).
Gotta dog.
I feel good about it, I think. Tim said last night when we brought her home "Now I miss Freyja more..." And I said "Yes..." For me, that was to be expected. I guess it caught him by surprise.
Of course, she is very different from Freyja. When we brought freyja home, she was exuberant.
This pup -- and she's just a baby -- we got her at the pound, but we're pretty sure she was abused before by whatever nasty people brought her there. She's going to be a big girl. But she is terrified. She cowers, hides, and cries when we pick her up. She's been here less than 12 hours though and she is starting to come out of her shell already. Still, I've never known or seen a puppy so-- terrified.
Tim thinks she was born when freyja died. So that will be her birthday -- May 28, 2003. Tim thinks Freyja would approve...
I feel a bit guilty, but I really think also that Freyja would approve. I know I talk so much more about Saki on this board. It's not that I miss Freyja less. But Freyja was always so --good -- and happy and I have faith about her being good and happy now. I worry about Saki more.
I probably talked about Saki more when they were all alive, too and I feel guilty about that as well. But -- Freyja lived a good and honored life. She had everything-- toys, health care, food, water, walks, vacations, attention, love, hugs and snuggles. (there I go crying again....)
And when we went to the pound, it was really "JUST TO LOOK." HA. I don't know how the good volunteers there do it. It would make me crazy. Every single one of the dogs ran to the door of the cage and shouted "ME! ME!!! I want YOU to be MY person!!!" So I was crying in the pound, but for once I didn't feel ashamed to be sobbing in public. I'd only been to the pound once before in my life -- looking for Frey the one and only time we lost her--another dog had gotten her out of her fenced yard... anyway, I'd forgotten what that place was like...
We couldn't leave without one. We had to save someone. And more than Freyja's approval -- I think she would have been so disappointed in us if we'd walked out empty handed. (pause for more sobbing).
She loved us so much.... (and more sobbing)...
She was such a good dog. You really can't know. She was so open and loving and her heart and spirit were just so pure and HUGE. She was the embodiment of all good things. No one has ever known a more gentle and kind dog...
I know we shouldn't have gone to the pound. It was probably a bad idea. But we did. I have to have faith now that there was a reason for that.
Bc now we have this dog, this little puppy with a little crumpled beaten soul.
With Freyja it was always so easy bc she her soul was so hardy. And now we have the opportunity (and since the pup is in our home -- the obligation) to help her soul and her love and her trust to grow... This is an honor. And I know Freyja is going to help us do it. And I know she is proud of us for not turning away.
And Electra -- has stopped crying. About half an hour after the pup was in the house (cowering in the corner), Electra went over and "introduced" herself with a long, hateful hiss. The timid little pup rolled over in utter submission. And then Electra was like "Cool. As long as we have THAT settled..." She doesn't like to be alone. She doesn't know how. And perhaps maybe, we don't either...
And in my head, I still don't know if this is the right or wrong thing. But in my heart I have to trust and have faith that it is. I have to trust my intuition. I do NOT know why I was NOT able to win my intellectual, logical, rational arguments against getting a dog (I usually win). But SOMETHING led me to go out yesterday, led me to the pound, led me to cage #5, and now I have to trust that something...
I was looking forward to not being tied down. But I've tied myself down now, so...
Love ya'll...
Jennifer
P.S. I'd discussed the possibility with tim of adopting an FIV cat in the future and he was adamant -- no. Of course, there are arguments on both sides, but I understand his position...
I am glad your back, and enjoyed Tom, Jerry and Harry's stories...
But I guess you missed my most recent post (you were perhaps writing it while I was writing mine).
Gotta dog.
I feel good about it, I think. Tim said last night when we brought her home "Now I miss Freyja more..." And I said "Yes..." For me, that was to be expected. I guess it caught him by surprise.
Of course, she is very different from Freyja. When we brought freyja home, she was exuberant.
This pup -- and she's just a baby -- we got her at the pound, but we're pretty sure she was abused before by whatever nasty people brought her there. She's going to be a big girl. But she is terrified. She cowers, hides, and cries when we pick her up. She's been here less than 12 hours though and she is starting to come out of her shell already. Still, I've never known or seen a puppy so-- terrified.
Tim thinks she was born when freyja died. So that will be her birthday -- May 28, 2003. Tim thinks Freyja would approve...
I feel a bit guilty, but I really think also that Freyja would approve. I know I talk so much more about Saki on this board. It's not that I miss Freyja less. But Freyja was always so --good -- and happy and I have faith about her being good and happy now. I worry about Saki more.
I probably talked about Saki more when they were all alive, too and I feel guilty about that as well. But -- Freyja lived a good and honored life. She had everything-- toys, health care, food, water, walks, vacations, attention, love, hugs and snuggles. (there I go crying again....)
And when we went to the pound, it was really "JUST TO LOOK." HA. I don't know how the good volunteers there do it. It would make me crazy. Every single one of the dogs ran to the door of the cage and shouted "ME! ME!!! I want YOU to be MY person!!!" So I was crying in the pound, but for once I didn't feel ashamed to be sobbing in public. I'd only been to the pound once before in my life -- looking for Frey the one and only time we lost her--another dog had gotten her out of her fenced yard... anyway, I'd forgotten what that place was like...
We couldn't leave without one. We had to save someone. And more than Freyja's approval -- I think she would have been so disappointed in us if we'd walked out empty handed. (pause for more sobbing).
She loved us so much.... (and more sobbing)...
She was such a good dog. You really can't know. She was so open and loving and her heart and spirit were just so pure and HUGE. She was the embodiment of all good things. No one has ever known a more gentle and kind dog...
I know we shouldn't have gone to the pound. It was probably a bad idea. But we did. I have to have faith now that there was a reason for that.
Bc now we have this dog, this little puppy with a little crumpled beaten soul.
With Freyja it was always so easy bc she her soul was so hardy. And now we have the opportunity (and since the pup is in our home -- the obligation) to help her soul and her love and her trust to grow... This is an honor. And I know Freyja is going to help us do it. And I know she is proud of us for not turning away.
And Electra -- has stopped crying. About half an hour after the pup was in the house (cowering in the corner), Electra went over and "introduced" herself with a long, hateful hiss. The timid little pup rolled over in utter submission. And then Electra was like "Cool. As long as we have THAT settled..."
She doesn't like to be alone. She doesn't know how. And perhaps maybe, we don't either...And in my head, I still don't know if this is the right or wrong thing. But in my heart I have to trust and have faith that it is. I have to trust my intuition. I do NOT know why I was NOT able to win my intellectual, logical, rational arguments against getting a dog (I usually win). But SOMETHING led me to go out yesterday, led me to the pound, led me to cage #5, and now I have to trust that something...
I was looking forward to not being tied down. But I've tied myself down now, so...
Love ya'll...
Jennifer
P.S. I'd discussed the possibility with tim of adopting an FIV cat in the future and he was adamant -- no. Of course, there are arguments on both sides, but I understand his position...
Congratulations Jennifer on your new baby! I'm glad you choose a pup with problems, poor little mite, because you'll have to work hard to help her and that will keep you very occupied. Also you are a very experienced Mum which is just what she needs; you saw how other people felt they couldn't cope with such difficult pups. Perhaps the litter was not properly socialised to people at the right age so the pups are scared of everything.
I'm glad Electra realises that her new status of Queen Feline Bee is secure, and now she's "She who must be obeyed" as far as the pup is concerned, which will probably stick no matter how huge the dog gets!
I must admit that I have not visited a rescue centre since I lost my cats because I think I know what would happen! All the very best to you all!
- Helen
I'm glad Electra realises that her new status of Queen Feline Bee is secure, and now she's "She who must be obeyed" as far as the pup is concerned, which will probably stick no matter how huge the dog gets!
I must admit that I have not visited a rescue centre since I lost my cats because I think I know what would happen! All the very best to you all!
- Helen
Wow I leave you for five minutes ……………..
Have you decided a name yet, what breed, what colour, and please now can we have a picture.
I'm sure she’s lightened your heart and it must be wonderful to have a new fur baby to cuddle up with.
Guess Saki, Freyja and your grandma decided I was wrong and you, Tim and Electra need that big hole filled ASAP, I'm sure her antics will help to bring a smile back into your life.
Be careful not to get too upset around her she might think that she’s upset you, then again maybe she will come over and give you big wet kiss to wash away those tears.
Good luck to you all
Take care
Love Sue
Have you decided a name yet, what breed, what colour, and please now can we have a picture.
I'm sure she’s lightened your heart and it must be wonderful to have a new fur baby to cuddle up with.
Guess Saki, Freyja and your grandma decided I was wrong and you, Tim and Electra need that big hole filled ASAP, I'm sure her antics will help to bring a smile back into your life.
Be careful not to get too upset around her she might think that she’s upset you, then again maybe she will come over and give you big wet kiss to wash away those tears.
Good luck to you all
Take care
Love Sue
Hey Jennifer
Guess your finding your new little bundle of joy a bit of a handful seeing as we haven’t heard from you in two whole days.
How’s it going?
Have you got enough marigolds?
Is Electra still putting her in her place?
What have you decided to call her?
Questions questions questions…………. HOW ARE YOU COPING, ARE YOU OK.
SPEAK TO ME - Guess I'm the one with separation anxiety now
Love Sue
Guess your finding your new little bundle of joy a bit of a handful seeing as we haven’t heard from you in two whole days.
How’s it going?
Have you got enough marigolds?
Is Electra still putting her in her place?
What have you decided to call her?
Questions questions questions…………. HOW ARE YOU COPING, ARE YOU OK.
SPEAK TO ME - Guess I'm the one with separation anxiety now
Love Sue
Sorry I missed a day!
Little pup is keeping my hands WAAAAAAY too full. Plus I've caught a cold (actually, I think it is from the puppy) and so I've been sleeping a lot, at times I'd normally catch up.
Pup is going to be big, I think. She seems to be a chow-shepherd mix. She's a cute pudgy thing right now, but I think she'll be big. I guess she's a light reddish (chow) color with some black shepherd color on her back. I think we are going to call her Hathor. (with a short 'a' as in "back"). Hathor was one of the major Egyptian goddesses. (Freyja was a major Norse goddess... and Saki was a delicious relaxing treat that could give you a headache! )
She is coming out of her shell, slowly. She still cries when I pick her up. She is figuring out that I am the snuggler and Tim is the player. I never knew how to play. She's trying to teach me, but...
It is hard not to make comparisons. Not in a bad way. It's just that this dog was damaged somehow in her very young age (she's about 8 weeks). We've had her -- what --4 days now and there are rooms in the house she still has not gone in. She doesn't explore. When we do play, often times she'll cry bc she wants to play and is scared at the same time. I've never seen a puppy like this before. It's not just that she is shy or reserved; something bad happened to her...
I haven't taken any still photos yet. I video taped a bit. This is a paranoid thing that only someone who has lost a pet could understand, but I have weird fears. Her first vet appt is tomorrow, but... I am having all these paranoid thoughts about parvo and etc. So I haven't taken any photos. Having had elderly animalswith health issues for so long, and then having them die... I just haven't been able to load the camera yet. (The camcorder was already loaded!!!!)
Her cold seems to be clearing up, but after we brought her home, she had snot bubbles and sneezes and thick yellow snot. She is seeming better (but now **I* have it! Argh).
If anyone is reading this and wonders if they should get a pet, please know:
IT DOES NOT FILL THE HOLE LEFT BY FREYJA (OR SAKI). I miss them every bit as much today as I did on Friday. Even more. Because she does remind us of Freyja even more. And we notice "This is not freyja..."
But at the same time...
Ya'll, I've been LAUGHING. Tim will run into the room and stare at me. Apparently, I didn't laugh for two months. And I didn't even notice. We haven't had a baby in the house for 12+ years. And so much of it feels new. And Hathor in no way replaces or makes up for the loss of Freyja or Saki. But she is the only thing that has made me laugh in awhile.
I'd like advice. We've been trying to lock Hathor up when we can't supervise her (when sleeping or away). We did this with Freyja until she was potty trained. The dog freaks. Today she destroyed the bathroom, pulling racks off the wall, pooping then dancing it... and she WAILS the whole time. (even with food, water and toys).
On another note, we put Saki's cremains in her urn. Now she is upside down in a pitcher, bc we can't get the urn lid to seal completely.
I played with the lid a couple times before we put her in there, and it was a difficult lid... but I was always able to get it sealed before...
Love ya'll and thanks for understanding,
Jennifer
Little pup is keeping my hands WAAAAAAY too full. Plus I've caught a cold (actually, I think it is from the puppy) and so I've been sleeping a lot, at times I'd normally catch up.
Pup is going to be big, I think. She seems to be a chow-shepherd mix. She's a cute pudgy thing right now, but I think she'll be big. I guess she's a light reddish (chow) color with some black shepherd color on her back. I think we are going to call her Hathor. (with a short 'a' as in "back"). Hathor was one of the major Egyptian goddesses. (Freyja was a major Norse goddess... and Saki was a delicious relaxing treat that could give you a headache!
)She is coming out of her shell, slowly. She still cries when I pick her up. She is figuring out that I am the snuggler and Tim is the player. I never knew how to play. She's trying to teach me, but...
It is hard not to make comparisons. Not in a bad way. It's just that this dog was damaged somehow in her very young age (she's about 8 weeks). We've had her -- what --4 days now and there are rooms in the house she still has not gone in. She doesn't explore. When we do play, often times she'll cry bc she wants to play and is scared at the same time. I've never seen a puppy like this before. It's not just that she is shy or reserved; something bad happened to her...
I haven't taken any still photos yet. I video taped a bit. This is a paranoid thing that only someone who has lost a pet could understand, but I have weird fears. Her first vet appt is tomorrow, but... I am having all these paranoid thoughts about parvo and etc. So I haven't taken any photos. Having had elderly animalswith health issues for so long, and then having them die... I just haven't been able to load the camera yet. (The camcorder was already loaded!!!!)
Her cold seems to be clearing up, but after we brought her home, she had snot bubbles and sneezes and thick yellow snot. She is seeming better (but now **I* have it! Argh).
If anyone is reading this and wonders if they should get a pet, please know:
IT DOES NOT FILL THE HOLE LEFT BY FREYJA (OR SAKI). I miss them every bit as much today as I did on Friday. Even more. Because she does remind us of Freyja even more. And we notice "This is not freyja..."
But at the same time...
Ya'll, I've been LAUGHING. Tim will run into the room and stare at me. Apparently, I didn't laugh for two months. And I didn't even notice. We haven't had a baby in the house for 12+ years. And so much of it feels new. And Hathor in no way replaces or makes up for the loss of Freyja or Saki. But she is the only thing that has made me laugh in awhile.
I'd like advice. We've been trying to lock Hathor up when we can't supervise her (when sleeping or away). We did this with Freyja until she was potty trained. The dog freaks. Today she destroyed the bathroom, pulling racks off the wall, pooping then dancing it... and she WAILS the whole time. (even with food, water and toys).
On another note, we put Saki's cremains in her urn. Now she is upside down in a pitcher, bc we can't get the urn lid to seal completely.
I played with the lid a couple times before we put her in there, and it was a difficult lid... but I was always able to get it sealed before...Love ya'll and thanks for understanding,
Jennifer
Jennifer,Try keeping her IN the bedroom with you at night. It's separation anxiety that is likely causing the stress. She is also HEARING you if you are sleeping in the next room and so probably feels she is being punished. See if you can section a corner or put a large "cage" in your bedroom to keep her confined. I have friends who tell me this worked WONDERS for their Dachsund (the dog used to tear around all night, fidget and wanted to play - now she's learned to stay in her bed in the corner and the cage has been dismantled)
Hathor DOES sound as if she's been mistreated - take your time and don't give up on the playing and she'll come around. My Jesse took a year before he could play properly - he'd just slink off and hiss when I tried for quite a few months.
It's nice to laugh again isn't it? I thought I'd never laugh again after Edgar and Jesse but my new kitten Oscar (who was just "fixed" last week) keeps me laughing day and night
Sorry about the message yesterday I forget you guys are ahead of me, I'm going to bed and your just coming in from work I guess.
I really must agree with DJ about the cage my sister used it for her staffs and it worked wonders, they no longer messed as dogs don’t where they are sleeping as long as its not for too long a period and shell be able to see and hear you.
Break her in gradually, put her in the cage for 5 minutes then 10, not easy if you’re going to work but the weekends coming. Hoorah.
And don’t forget that she’s been separated from her sister they must have created quite a bond, maybe only having each other during the time they were mistreated.
Nothing is going to take away the grieving for Saki and Freyja that’s a process that’s going to take its time no matter what you do, say, think. You think you’ve cracked it one day and the next……
And be honest hasn’t having Hathor at least put a little cotton wool padding round that big hole, she’s at least giving you something else to take your mind off your sorrows.
Is Electra still top cat?
About Saki’s urn maybe she doesn’t want the lid on yet, maybe she wants to help train Hathor.
Take care
Love Sue
I really must agree with DJ about the cage my sister used it for her staffs and it worked wonders, they no longer messed as dogs don’t where they are sleeping as long as its not for too long a period and shell be able to see and hear you.
Break her in gradually, put her in the cage for 5 minutes then 10, not easy if you’re going to work but the weekends coming. Hoorah.
And don’t forget that she’s been separated from her sister they must have created quite a bond, maybe only having each other during the time they were mistreated.
Nothing is going to take away the grieving for Saki and Freyja that’s a process that’s going to take its time no matter what you do, say, think. You think you’ve cracked it one day and the next……
And be honest hasn’t having Hathor at least put a little cotton wool padding round that big hole, she’s at least giving you something else to take your mind off your sorrows.
Is Electra still top cat?
About Saki’s urn maybe she doesn’t want the lid on yet, maybe she wants to help train Hathor.
Take care
Love Sue
Hathor had her first vet visit today. She weighs 10 lbs at 8 weeks. Yeah, gonna be a big girl. Electra weighs 5 sometims 6... And she is definitely top cat. And always will be. My cats never took any crap from dogs (or from anyone else, for that matter...) 
Right now, Hathor is playing behind me. She seems to be having a good time. I play wiht her, but she seems to have a better time either alone, or with Tim. When I brought her home from the vet, I gave her a bath. The vet asked if we'd done that when we brought her home from the pound. (To wash off the germs). He's a bit worried about parvo -- her stools have been soft... (not diarrhea, just soft). She got her first series of shots.
And I don't know if she's put a bandaid on my heart or its just time... I am still crying regularly (not in front of the dog...). But it feels so nice to laugh, especially at something as "Small" as her barking at her squeaky toy.
I do know that if anyone else asked ME about getting a pet soon after theirs had died, I'd recommend waiting. Even though it feels WONDERFUL to have her here, and I have no doubts about our decision... it's like: my aunt got married at 17 and 40 years later she is still happily married to the same man, but I wouldn't recommend you get married at 17.
Now Hathor is sleeping. And I don't coo at human babies either, I don't think I am afraid of them, but I just don't understand the attraction... Still I keep glancing over at my fur baby and going "Awwwww..."
Thanks for the advice re her night crying. Tim slept with her last night in the bedroom (I fell asleep on the sofa with my darn cold) and she didn't cry.
Love yall
Jennifer
Right now, Hathor is playing behind me. She seems to be having a good time. I play wiht her, but she seems to have a better time either alone, or with Tim. When I brought her home from the vet, I gave her a bath. The vet asked if we'd done that when we brought her home from the pound. (To wash off the germs). He's a bit worried about parvo -- her stools have been soft... (not diarrhea, just soft). She got her first series of shots.
And I don't know if she's put a bandaid on my heart or its just time... I am still crying regularly (not in front of the dog...). But it feels so nice to laugh, especially at something as "Small" as her barking at her squeaky toy.
I do know that if anyone else asked ME about getting a pet soon after theirs had died, I'd recommend waiting. Even though it feels WONDERFUL to have her here, and I have no doubts about our decision... it's like: my aunt got married at 17 and 40 years later she is still happily married to the same man, but I wouldn't recommend you get married at 17.
Now Hathor is sleeping. And I don't coo at human babies either, I don't think I am afraid of them, but I just don't understand the attraction... Still I keep glancing over at my fur baby and going "Awwwww..."
Thanks for the advice re her night crying. Tim slept with her last night in the bedroom (I fell asleep on the sofa with my darn cold) and she didn't cry.
Love yall
Jennifer
So.... I am really paranoid about Hathor's health. I am terrified she is going to die. I am scared she has parvo or distemper or kennel cough or some other nasty bug that pound puppies get. She had some diarrhea this morning, and I called the vet. They said it could be from her medicines yesterday and to call back if I continue to feel worried. They didn't seem to worried. And actually that helped a bit.
But I also know that a lot of my fear has nothing to do with THIS dog. It has to do with losing two of my dearest friends in two months (3 counting grandma). ... will I get over this paranoia and if so, when? Any ideas on how to make it go away??? It's a dreadful feeling. ....
On another note... one of the pound volunteers saw me today and asked me to complain about the shelter. There are two buildings there. Saturday, when we got Hathor, it was about 100 degrees here and the dogs were all being kept in the building without AC instead of the building with ac. I am MORE than happy to complain.
Love yall
Jennifer
But I also know that a lot of my fear has nothing to do with THIS dog. It has to do with losing two of my dearest friends in two months (3 counting grandma). ... will I get over this paranoia and if so, when? Any ideas on how to make it go away??? It's a dreadful feeling. ....
On another note... one of the pound volunteers saw me today and asked me to complain about the shelter. There are two buildings there. Saturday, when we got Hathor, it was about 100 degrees here and the dogs were all being kept in the building without AC instead of the building with ac. I am MORE than happy to complain.
Love yall
Jennifer
I absolutely hated doing it but if ever my girls had diarrhoea I starved them for 24 hrs and this always seamed to do the trick.
Now I don’t think you can do this to a puppy but maybe some scrambled egg or just plain chicken and plain rice which is what I gave them after the fast!
Sadie hated me for this as she loved to eat and I always felt sooo guilty but it did the trick (my problem was if just one of them had a problem they both suffered) so try the chicken and rice, after confirming this is ok with the vet first at such a young age.
OK so your worried shes going to die well one day she will so will I and you.
Your grandma died too so are you paranoid that Tim will or your mum or dad, I don’t want to put ideas into your head but put this into perspective now before it takes a hold.
I ashamedly keep forgetting to ask how you are and wishing you well so – god bless your every sneeze
Now I don’t think you can do this to a puppy but maybe some scrambled egg or just plain chicken and plain rice which is what I gave them after the fast!
Sadie hated me for this as she loved to eat and I always felt sooo guilty but it did the trick (my problem was if just one of them had a problem they both suffered) so try the chicken and rice, after confirming this is ok with the vet first at such a young age.
OK so your worried shes going to die well one day she will so will I and you.
Your grandma died too so are you paranoid that Tim will or your mum or dad, I don’t want to put ideas into your head but put this into perspective now before it takes a hold.
I ashamedly keep forgetting to ask how you are and wishing you well so – god bless your every sneeze
Well, I'm still stuffed up. I guess in a way, it's kind of like the month I spent crying!!!
Uh, actually Sue, I think that is where my separation anxiety comes from. I don't actually go around thinking "Mom, Tim, Sue, Dad, me etc are all going to die..." But I didn't used to feel anxious when I didn't hear from or see people every day, and I have since everyone died on me. Really, though, now that I think of it -- that's been better this week. I think I've projected ALL of that anxiety onto poor Hathor!!! (I don't think she knows it though, so hopefully that is ok). I am sure I have not been over-mothering her (although I am starting to like the way she shadows me).
She is doing better with night and work separation, too by the way. Tim is letting her sleep with him. :-) But in the day, I put her in a doggy- safe room and we sit in there together for 15 minutes before I go. Also, her diarrhea is cleared up today. Must've been the vet meds (I hope)! Altho the fast might be a good idea in the future...
Love ya'll
Jennifer
Uh, actually Sue, I think that is where my separation anxiety comes from. I don't actually go around thinking "Mom, Tim, Sue, Dad, me etc are all going to die..." But I didn't used to feel anxious when I didn't hear from or see people every day, and I have since everyone died on me. Really, though, now that I think of it -- that's been better this week. I think I've projected ALL of that anxiety onto poor Hathor!!! (I don't think she knows it though, so hopefully that is ok). I am sure I have not been over-mothering her (although I am starting to like the way she shadows me).
She is doing better with night and work separation, too by the way. Tim is letting her sleep with him. :-) But in the day, I put her in a doggy- safe room and we sit in there together for 15 minutes before I go. Also, her diarrhea is cleared up today. Must've been the vet meds (I hope)! Altho the fast might be a good idea in the future...
Love ya'll
Jennifer
I had an absolutley horrible nightmare about Saki last night. I don't remember it very well. I guess I am still trying to process her death, bc it was sort of like that. In the dream, she was very sick. She looked awful (she never looked awful in real life, but in the dream you could really see how sick she was-- her fur was all nasty and matted and dull and her eyes were messed up). And I was so upset. I asked her if she were dying and she said yes (yeah, she actually spoke). I cried and cried and cried just like I did in real life... I think she may have gone ahead and died in the dream too, I don't quite remember.
Saki baby, mama loves you and misses you. I hope you are happy wherever you are...
Saki baby, mama loves you and misses you. I hope you are happy wherever you are...
Our dreams sort out our feelings of the day and maybe subconsciously your feeling guilty about the cuddles your having with Hathor and that nasty dream is you punishing yourself.
I too had dreams about Jude, remember, where id be out somewhere enjoying myself and suddenly remember that id lost her a couple of days ago and would start looking for her again and find her in a cupboard with loads of rubbish on top of her – guilt that I was piecing together another life without her maybe. And I was feeling guilty I felt that I should have curled up and died from my loss, and my stomach would lurch when we came home from weekends away with a panicky feeling that id been gone too long.
I had lots of cuddles this weekend the dog round the corner actually put her paws on each of my shoulders and gave me a cuddle just like Jude used to.
And we stayed at a pub Sat night with lots of people bringing dogs and me going up to all the owners asking if I could have a cuddle, from the dog not the owners.
And a picnic today with friends who bought their dog along with them.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Love Sue
I too had dreams about Jude, remember, where id be out somewhere enjoying myself and suddenly remember that id lost her a couple of days ago and would start looking for her again and find her in a cupboard with loads of rubbish on top of her – guilt that I was piecing together another life without her maybe. And I was feeling guilty I felt that I should have curled up and died from my loss, and my stomach would lurch when we came home from weekends away with a panicky feeling that id been gone too long.
I had lots of cuddles this weekend the dog round the corner actually put her paws on each of my shoulders and gave me a cuddle just like Jude used to.
And we stayed at a pub Sat night with lots of people bringing dogs and me going up to all the owners asking if I could have a cuddle, from the dog not the owners.
And a picnic today with friends who bought their dog along with them.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Love Sue
I just don't know if I will ever get over it... I'm one of the two people who voted "no" on Junior's mom's poll... I am feeling better. Sorta. ...
I feel grief stricken (I mean, really, stricken is the word) less OFTEN. But its still intense. It does not feel any less intense.
But you're right, Sue. Maybe its like a badge of honor. I loved someone so much, that their loss devastates me. How lucky am I???!?!?! To go through life without loving someone that much -- that would be really sad.
We took Hathor to my parents' this weekend and she did really well. She immediately took to my Mom which is great. We were afraid Hathor would freak out and be very unsociable, but she didn't... It's kinda sad though bc my mom REALLY wants a dog but we won't let her have one. She has Alzheimer's and wouldn't be able to care for it. And my dad still works full time. And the last dog they had they didn't bother to train or discipline and so she was aggressive and -- bad. One day, she up and disappeared. I've always wondered if my dad did something with her... Anyway, we told my Mom that we'd share Hathor with her and that made her happy. And Hathor just followed her all over the house, so it was good.
Love ya'll
Jennifer
I feel grief stricken (I mean, really, stricken is the word) less OFTEN. But its still intense. It does not feel any less intense.
But you're right, Sue. Maybe its like a badge of honor. I loved someone so much, that their loss devastates me. How lucky am I???!?!?! To go through life without loving someone that much -- that would be really sad.
We took Hathor to my parents' this weekend and she did really well. She immediately took to my Mom which is great. We were afraid Hathor would freak out and be very unsociable, but she didn't... It's kinda sad though bc my mom REALLY wants a dog but we won't let her have one. She has Alzheimer's and wouldn't be able to care for it. And my dad still works full time. And the last dog they had they didn't bother to train or discipline and so she was aggressive and -- bad. One day, she up and disappeared. I've always wondered if my dad did something with her... Anyway, we told my Mom that we'd share Hathor with her and that made her happy. And Hathor just followed her all over the house, so it was good.
Love ya'll
Jennifer
Sorry to hear about your mum I hope your all coping well with having to look out for her, and I so glad Hathor has taken to her its very therapeutic for her to be able to interact with pets and I bet she chuffed about Hathor following her around, I know I would be.
As for voting no on Junior's mom's poll at this stage of your grief I would have too, do you know this morning I had a shower and felt ok but for some inexplicable reason I just broke down and started sobbing. It kind of creeps up on you and bam.
Still I'm ok now – till the next breakdown.
I hope Hathor is not taking over your bed youll have terrible trouble getting her off when she gets BIG.
Take care
Love Sue
PS you will get over it to a point where you can breath again it just takes time (that dreaded word)
As for voting no on Junior's mom's poll at this stage of your grief I would have too, do you know this morning I had a shower and felt ok but for some inexplicable reason I just broke down and started sobbing. It kind of creeps up on you and bam.
Still I'm ok now – till the next breakdown.
I hope Hathor is not taking over your bed youll have terrible trouble getting her off when she gets BIG.
Take care
Love Sue
PS you will get over it to a point where you can breath again it just takes time (that dreaded word)
Hathor wants to play. ...
She's a good dog. But I miss Freyja. I am so bad at playing. Freyja stopped needing that so much years ago...
She's a good dog. But I miss Freyja. I am so bad at playing. Freyja stopped needing that so much years ago...
Jennifer - are you saying SHE'S teaching YOU to play and you are having problems learning?? hehheh I'm trying not to laugh but the picture of the puppy tapping your nose with a newspaper popped into my head right away.
So LEARN to play!!! It's PLAY - not work grin - although sometimes it feels like work
And ladies - it's been over a year since I lost my guys and I still cry at the oddest times for no reason at all except that I miss them.
So LEARN to play!!! It's PLAY - not work
grin - although sometimes it feels like work And ladies - it's been over a year since I lost my guys and I still cry at the oddest times for no reason at all except that I miss them.
Today is kind of hard. We have a sofa cover, and I finally washed it. I've been meaning to wash it since Saki died. She leaked all that fluid on it (which I spot cleaned, but...) So all their furs were on it. Even tho we vacuum it, the bottom where freyja would brush against it (she hasn't be able to jump on the sofa for awhile, and I just realized I put that in present tense, but I am going to leave it)...
Anyway, it just bothers me to wash them away like that. I know I am not really, but... Everyday there is less and less of them here. I finally hung up Freyja's photo collage today, too. It's been sitting on the table. Now its in the bedroom, but maybe I will put it back on the table....
Why did they have to leave??????????? And why at the same time???
It's weird.... when I remember Saki, a lot of times its so hard to remember events, activities, her habits. All I remember is loving her. And holding her. I spent thousands and thousands of hours holding that cat. I just want to hold her. Have her knead my fat arm and suckle my ear....
Electra still seems happier with Hathor in the house. She's really stopped running around looking for Saki and Freyja and making that guttural cry for them. But I miss her, too. Being happier, she's not snuggling with me anymore. She's never been much of a snuggler.
I want the pain to go away. I breath sometimes now. But...
I've got a few weeks off coming up. I still haven't made Saki's collage. Her photos are in my vanity so I watch her every morning as I get dressed... like I used to ... She was always in whatever room I was. She also liked to eat my make up... Anyway, I plan to put the collage together then... Freyja's tree is doing its best to die. I am so bad with plants. It's been so hot here. Yes, I water it. It doesn't matter; I kill all plants...
We have a dry erase board on our fridge. I often make "to do" lists on it. And the last week that Saki was sick, I made a list, but every other item on it was "Hold Saki..." Neither Tim nor I have been able to erase it. I wish to god in heaven that i could still carry thru on that list...
Anyway, it just bothers me to wash them away like that. I know I am not really, but... Everyday there is less and less of them here. I finally hung up Freyja's photo collage today, too. It's been sitting on the table. Now its in the bedroom, but maybe I will put it back on the table....
Why did they have to leave??????????? And why at the same time???
It's weird.... when I remember Saki, a lot of times its so hard to remember events, activities, her habits. All I remember is loving her. And holding her. I spent thousands and thousands of hours holding that cat. I just want to hold her. Have her knead my fat arm and suckle my ear....
Electra still seems happier with Hathor in the house. She's really stopped running around looking for Saki and Freyja and making that guttural cry for them. But I miss her, too. Being happier, she's not snuggling with me anymore. She's never been much of a snuggler.
I want the pain to go away. I breath sometimes now. But...
I've got a few weeks off coming up. I still haven't made Saki's collage. Her photos are in my vanity so I watch her every morning as I get dressed... like I used to ... She was always in whatever room I was. She also liked to eat my make up... Anyway, I plan to put the collage together then... Freyja's tree is doing its best to die. I am so bad with plants. It's been so hot here. Yes, I water it. It doesn't matter; I kill all plants...
We have a dry erase board on our fridge. I often make "to do" lists on it. And the last week that Saki was sick, I made a list, but every other item on it was "Hold Saki..." Neither Tim nor I have been able to erase it. I wish to god in heaven that i could still carry thru on that list...
I got moved to page 2. 
I'm not THAT much better!!!!
I am excited bc Sue helped me and I think Saki might be my avatar now. I think I am always going to miss her and sometimes that scares me. I find myself calling to Hathor "Cmere Kitty..." But Tim called her Freyja the other day, and thank goodness I have never done that (watch me do it 10 minutes from now). I can't remember if I mentioned that Hathor is similar colors to Saki (as a grown cat). Tim thinks that may be aprt of the reason I was drawn to her...
Ok, I have to post this and see if my avatar shows up.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP, SUE!!!!
I'm not THAT much better!!!!
I am excited bc Sue helped me and I think Saki might be my avatar now. I think I am always going to miss her and sometimes that scares me. I find myself calling to Hathor "Cmere Kitty..." But Tim called her Freyja the other day, and thank goodness I have never done that (watch me do it 10 minutes from now). I can't remember if I mentioned that Hathor is similar colors to Saki (as a grown cat). Tim thinks that may be aprt of the reason I was drawn to her...
Ok, I have to post this and see if my avatar shows up.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP, SUE!!!!
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