We have three dogs... Winston (the one who died), Miya and Takoda. Our morning routine is when they get up we hook Miya outside on a run to go to the bathroom, then Takoda, then Winston. When we hooked Takoda out the door didn't close all the way and when she was ready to come in her lead was long enough that it let her push the door open and as soon as she did that Winston took off.

He couldn't have been outside for more than a couple of minutes; all three of us were in the kitchen when my son saw the front door open and Winston gone. We got our shoes on, grabbed a couple of biscuits and went to get him when we saw Takoda on her lead staring up the road and not moving. We looked where she was looking and Winston was lying on the side of the road.

We we got to him he was still breathing but not answering to his name or looking around. The person who hit him, as well as the people who lived in the house whose yard he was in were all outside when we got there. I picked Winston up and told my son to get a blanket in the car. The person who hit him came up to me and said he was sorry... when I asked if he hit him he very quietly said yes. I told him it was an accident and carried Winston to the car. When I got there I put him in the car, left a message with my vet's emergency number and got ready to go when the person who hit him came up to me, gave me his home and cell number and told me if there was any vet bill that he would pay it. I told him I appreciated that, got in the card and headed to the vet while Johnathan sat in the back seat with Winston.

He seemed to perk up a bit on the way there... he looked around a bit, would perk his ears a bit when you called his name but after a couple of minutes of that he put his head in my sons lap and, as my son pet him and told him what a good dog he was, he died before we got to the vet. I called the vet and told them that Winston didn't make it and brought him home. We buried him in our back yard, lying on his dog bed, covered with the blanket he was lying on and the t-shirt my son covered him in, a rawhide chew and biscuit under his paws. We lined his grave with a small picket fence and made a grave marker for him.

We're all torn up about this, but especially my wife. That dog was her soul-mate. When we adopted him in 2006 we had just bought our house and we found out after we adopted him that he had pneumonia in both lungs and was severely dehydrated and undernourished from being so sick. The vet said she couldn't even promise he'd live through the night, but Sue stayed up with him all night, thumping his chest to keep the phlegm loose. He recovered and turned into the best damned dog we EVER had. He was protective of us but would let people approach him, as long as it was apparent it was okay with us. He would come into wherever we were sometimes and kind of make a little grunting noise at us, tail wagging, and we'd say "show me what you want" and he'd lead you to whatever it was, be it a slice of leftover pizza on the counter or to snitch on one of the cats or other dogs for being in the garbage. My son and I taught him Hawk Dog... you could hold your forearm out, as if you were waiting for a trained hawk to land on it and say "Hawk Dog, Winston!" and he'd stand on his back legs and put his front legs on your forearm.

He was an incredible dog and even with the two girls still here the house is just empty without him. My wife told me last night the only thing for her that could've been worse than losing Winston would have been losing me or our son.

RIP, buddy. We gave you four of the happiest, most love-filled, spoiled years that any dog could ever hope for.

I also have a question I hope I can get an objective answer to... to those of you that have lost an animal companion in this manner, how long did it take you to come to terms with your grief? I've read a bunch of websites that say things like "everyone is different" and what-not but I'm hoping for some real-world answers from real people. I know that only 48 hours removed from Winston's death I can't expect to be over this but I'd like to know what people's experiences are.

I am so sorry for your loss of Winston (I love that name)...what a great dog he was.

coming to terms with grief....that is true everyone is different. I lost my soulmate almost 9 months ago, a black lab, Brutus was 13. Me and my husband were devestated, even though we knew it was coming, you are never prepared to lose them. For you and your family, it's a total shock since Winston was so young. So our situations are different. I won't lie....it took me months to get to semi-normal...for my husband it didn't take so long. It is true about those 4 stages of grief and guilt for me was the hardest. And I went through those 4 stages hundreds of times I swear. To be honest, it was probably a good 4 months before I stopped crying alot. I still do cry at times, often when I'm on the forum, so I don't come here as much. But I am living again. My husband was probably about a month before he was semi-normal. We still talk about Brutus alot, he was our "first born"...we don't have any children and had Brutus since he was 4 months old. We take his ashes with us everywhere and we have paintings, pics, poem I wrote for him everywhere, reminders everywhere. I wear a necklace that has his name and dates and a paw print on it everyday. This was good for us, but some people don't want any reminders...there is no right or wrong. My advice to you and your family would be to just let out whatever you are feeling...scream, cry...whatever...don't hold it in. Come here and talk about or even talk to Winston on your thread...this place helped me tremendously get through...not over, you never get over it just get through it.

many hugs to you and your family,
I will be thinking and praying for you all,
Brutus' Mom

Thank you for your response... I thankfully have a good group of people I work with who all know how much my dogs mean to me so they're all very understanding of what I'm going through, which is good; I don't think I could deal with anyone telling me "it was just a dog" or something similar.

It's the accidental nature of his death that really is tearing me up, that coupled with, as you said, the fact he was so young, not even four. He couldn't have been outside for more than 1-2 minutes but that's all it took. When Takoda batted the door open he nosed it the rest of the way open and took off... my son and I heard the door hit the wall and that's when we went to get him, only to find him on the side of the road. That's what's killing me, right now, is all of the "what if's" that keep going through my head.... what if we got out to him sooner, what if the door had shut all the way, what if...

This hurts like hell and I'm a wreck, but not as much as my wife is... that dog was her soul-mate. He was a family dog, definitely, but he was her dog, first and foremost. His passing left a huge hole in our hearts, our house and our family.

He's buried in our back yard, the grave surrounded by a small picket fence and a marker at the head of the grave. I've been out to it a few times since we buried him Sunday and it just tears me up; this dog was so happy and so full of life and to have that snuffed out so soon is just tragic.

Here's a picture I took of him once... I came out of the bathroom and found him on the couch like this:



Thank you for your kind words... it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the grief I'm feeling. As odd as this sounds, the death of my mother in 2008 has helped me with this because I know I'll eventually feel better and heal, it will just take time. Having someone give me a time helps, since it's just more confirmation that this will eventually pass and I'll be able to smile when I think of Winston.

Winston is absolutely adorable. Ten weeks ago today we lost our baby boy Cooper to a vet mistake. He was only five. It was so unexpected. He was healthy and happy and full of life. When I dropped him off for his teeth cleaning, he was great. Three hours later, I was back at the vet and he was gone. Like your wife, Cooper was my doggy soul mate. I could've never imagined this would happen to him. I loved him SO much. Sometimes, I still can't believe it happened. After he passed, I was like you, searching for someone to tell me when it would stop hurting. I didn't want to hurt anymore but I felt bad to think about not being sad because I loved him so much. I just wanted someone to tell me I wouldn't feel that awful forever. People did but I didn't believe them. But now I see that it has gotten easier. I miss Cooper so much every day and still cry for him but the pain is not quite as bad. We also have two other dogs (one who is ten and a puppy we got about six weeks after we lost Coop. At first, having Rudy around made it harder. It was hard trying to be cheerful for him and go through that routine knowing that something major was missing from it and knowing that he was sad too. But now, Rudy and Dori really help a lot. Losing Coop so unexpectedly really taught us to appreciate and love everything we have. Some days are harder than others. And I can't give you a timeline but it really does get easier. I will always miss him, but I no longer feel that gut wrenching pain that made me want to curl up in bed and never get out like I felt that first week. It just takes time. Make sure you talk to each other though. My husband and I were very open about how we were feeling and that helped us a lot.

Winston is absolutely adorable, thanks for sharing him with us.

The 'what ifs' will drive you crazy, we all do it to ourselves. Hang in there. You will smile again, I will be sending prayers that your hurt is comforted by good memories of Winston.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Wchamilton,

Firstly, permit me to offer my sincere condolences for your painful loss. Winston sure sounds like he was such an intelligent, special boy -- so it's no wonder you're taking this so hard.

The truth is, there is no "set time limit" for getting over your loss. Some people never truly get over it. You can most certainly expect to go through "cycles" of grief. There will come a time when you start to experience good days, and you will think you're finally coming to terms with it -- then, out of the blue, you will be in floods of tears again. You will have to start off over from the beginning. Slowly, the "good" days will start to out number the bad. In time, you will be able to think of Winston and smile at the memories, rather than wince at the pain. All I can say is this -- take each day as it comes. Feel whatever you need to feel. Don't try to suppress your emotions, this will only complicate the grieving process further. In terms of your wife, struggling to cope with losing her soulmate, all you can do is be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on. Let her express her emotions freely. Try not to tell her, "It will be okay" etc because, although it will, she probably doesn't want to her things like that right now. Be kind to yourself, and to each other.

Keep posting and letting us know how you're getting on.

-- Cheryl x

I know this isn't my fault and was nothing more than a terrible accident but not even 48 hours removed from his passing it doesn't help much right now. The pain of his passing is just too raw for me.

Having our two girls, Miya and Takoda, has made it both easier and harder... it's easier because they're such loving girls; they spent most of the day yesterday on the couch with my wife and I, just sitting and letting themselves be pet. My wife just couldn't bring herself to go to the vet with us and while we were gone Miya sat in my wife's lap and licked her tears away, as if she was saying "let me help you any way I can... I'm here for you." It's harder because they're a reminder that something's missing. When they come into the kitchen for a cookie you still expect to see Winston there with them, sitting quietly with his tail wagging, waiting for a treat. They're a reminder both of what we lost and what we still have.

I've cried more today than I have since he died... this website has been tremendously helpful in realizing that I'm not alone in my grief. Others have gone through it and it will eventually pass. It's just doesn't feel like it now.

And My Heart Cooper, thank you for sharing that story. It helps to know that someone who was in my same situation (an unexpected death of such a special animal) did eventually heal.

And just to bring a smile to the faces that are helping me, here's my two girls:



This is Takoda. She's your typical, floppy, lovable mutt. When she was not quite a year old she actually jumped through our glass front door to be with our son while he mowed the lawn. We took her to the vet for a cut on her leg and were told she was fine, but after that she started gimping that leg... she could run just fine but when she sat she'd sometimes hold that paw off the ground. Another trip to the vet and they found a shard of glass in her leg they removed surgically. Now, when Takoda is trying to get your attention and she feels your ignoring her, she'll whoof at you and when you look she gimps that same leg up.



This is Miya, Takoda's sister from the same litter. We originally got Takoda when she was a puppy from someone I worked with so Winston would have company.. when the woman called to confirm when I'd be there to get her she jokingly said "we have one other puppy from the litter left, do you want her too?" I laughed out loud and said "do we want her too?" and my wife said "Yes, we want her too". When Miya was a puppy she'd wake up early in the morning and I'd bring her downstairs, set her on my lap and pet her till she fell back asleep. She still likes to climb in my lap. She's more timid and shy than Takoda but still a huge loverbug.

Yesterday I went downstairs and had both of the girls with me. When I sat down on the couch to watch TV both of them crawled in my lap. 130 pounds of lab/huskie is awfully heavy but it was so comforting.

Winston was absolutely adorable!!! And your girls are beautiful as well. I just want to say that I'm sorry for your loss and that I'm going through the same thing right now ( we lost our cat Husker to an unexpected illness on Thursday ) He was sweet, charming, funny, mischevious..the best cat ever...and putting him to sleep was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Every day I have to get on this forum for some comfort. It helps knowing that other people are going through and understand what I'm going through...or what your going through. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

Maranda

I appreciate that... I'm finding a great deal of comfort here, and even though I've cried more this morning reading the posts here and talking about Winston it's good that I'm getting it out. Winston was a one-of-a-kind dog and his loss is just horrible.

And my thoughts and prayers to you as well on the loss of Husker.

One thing I've learned from this community is that we all have our what ifs. No matter how the end happens, accident, illness, old age, euthanasia, we go over and over in our minds what we did in those final months, days, hours, minutes, and we wonder what would have happened if we'd done something differently. And I think we all of us have to find a way to let go of the what ifs. For me, that meant telling myself that I made the best decisions I could have made at the time I was making them. Sounds like you did too. It doesn't sound like you behaved in an unreasonable or negligent manner. Our pets get loose sometimes. It just happens. And we usually figure they're going to be safe for a few minutes anyway.

Words cannot describe how glad I am I found this site... I'm getting what I've so desperately needed since Winston left us; non-judgmental support and advice. I just spent some time talking to my wife and she's starting to feel a bit better herself but we both never realized what a huge presence Winston was in our home and it's just empty without that.

I also told her, which she agrees with, that when the time is right we'll find another puppy somewhere who needs us as badly as Winston did, and he will grow up not to be Winston, but will be just as faithful and loving a companion as Winston was.

Everyone, thank you SO much... the tears that this site has been knocking loose from me all morning has made me feel like I'm starting to heal.

Sudden, accidental loss is horrifying, and carries much more "weight" with it than a peaceful death by old age does. I've had eleven dogs in my sixty years, and the two I lost by accident (or intentional malice, in one case) were way more shocking than the others. My grieving for the dogs, and most recently, my Ladywolf, who lived long, full, happy lives and passed in a natural way has been way less intense than my grieving for those I lost in sudden, shocking ways.

With Ladywolf, for example, she had visible cancerous tumors and diabetes, and was 15 years old, and her poor old body was just ready to go. My intense grieving only lasted a few weeks--now I am through it and out the other side, not yet two months later. I'm still sad, but not incapacitated by my sadness. The dog who may have been poisoned--Katy--I still grieve from time to time, and that was about ten years ago now. I can never think of her without wincing and feeling some pain.

So, are others have said so eloquently, there really is no quantitative answer to your question about "how long." Your mileage will vary! It will take as long as you and your wife need it to...

I'm so so sorry for your loss of Winston--it sounds like he was a very special, and a very lucky dog! I'm glad that you can conceive of getting another some day. Life does go on, and there are so many homeless pets who need people like us in their lives.

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Strange (my new kitten)

We've always had animals and Winston left a huge hole here when he left. When the time is right, we'll find the right dog, but nothing will ever take Winston's place, nor should it. Winston was a special dog, and the dog we get when the time is right will be a special dog as well, but because of who the dog is and not because he's a replacement for Winston.

My wife is starting to talk about him more now... this has been so hard on her; it breaks my heart to see her like this, so in addition to my own grief I have to watch someone I love hurt and know there's nothing I can do to alleviate that.

All we can do is grieve and move on. We'll soon laugh and smile at the memory of Winston and think of him fondly, not with grief.

And again, thank you all SO much. I can't even begin to describe how much help this has brought me... posting the story of Winston and reading the responses finally allowed me to cry, which I hadn't really done since Winston died. I spent most of the morning crying and felt cleansed afterwards.

Hi, WCHamilton, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Winston. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

One of the more difficult emotions to work through in this grief journey is the guilt. The "what ifs" "why didn't Is" "I wish I could haves" - - all of these and more just seem to overwhelm us. We are blessed with the love our precious companions bring to us. Unfortunately we are not provided the foresight of knowing the hows and when their journey will end with us on this side of eternity.

Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely. And this is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence with us is so very painful - - both physically and emotionally.

WCHamilton, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will have on this side of eternity. It is a one day at a time journey, sometimes one minute at a time journey. One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone in this journey. It is good you have people at work who are supportive of what you are going through, and each of us on this forum are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your pictures and memories of Winston with us. Rest assured that his sweet Living Spirit is forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do in your heart and memories. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers during the very difficult time for you and your family, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for the kind words... I've said before and I'll say again, this website has been an absolute godsend for me.

I can tell that I'm starting to heal... this morning I feel better than I did yesterday. I can read through these comments and messages of support and not break down sobbing. Winston was such a huge part of our family... there's just a big empty spot in the house where his presence and spirit used to be. The fact that I feel better today means that the healing is beginning; I spent three days an absolute wreck but this morning I can tell that healing has begun.

Now the biting grief is settling into a depression... alot of hobbies I used to take great pleasure in (World Of Warcraft, for example; my wife and I are huge gamers) just don't hold any appeal to me and I have zero appetite. Since Winston died I've eaten a 12" sub, three slices of pizza and 10 grilled shrimp mixed in rice. Right now I feel hungry but have no desire at all to eat.

I know that this is just part of the process... I went through something similar when my mother died. As I mentioned before her death taught me that the pain I'm feeling now will pass and I actually am finding myself looking forward to the day that our next furry companion finds its way to our home.

Yes, what you're feeling now is completely normal. Once the intial, raw loss begins to subside -- a kind of hollow, aching depression does start to take over. It means you're starting to accept that they're really gone. The loss of interest in things is completely normal too. When seeing your friends, and being around people, you might feel like you're on the outside, looking in. You're probably just surviving at the moment. Try to eat little and often, I found that easier. Big meals will be hard to stomach. It is important to drink plenty of water and keep yourself hydrated. A lot of people don't realise about the physical effects grief can have on your body.

Take care of yourself and keep healing.

-- Cheryl x

The house is just so empty... it's heartbreaking. I'll walk into the kitchen and the girls will inevitably follow me to get a treat. I'll get them each a treat, look at them and as they sit there, tails wagging, waiting for their treat it's just heartbreaking to not see Winston there for his treat.

My emotions are all over the place... I feel better, then I start crying over something (like typing that last paragraph), then I'll be fine for awhile.

You all are so incredible for being here and offering such kind and caring support to someone you've never met. I fully intend on being a frequent visitor to this site and doing to others what you all have done for me.

I am so sorry your loss of your beloved Winston. To loose him so suddenly and tragically can only magnify the pain. With old age or illness at least there is some expectation and preparation. However, as I found out, nothing can prepare us for the reality of the grief that hits us when the time finally arrives. Each one's journey through the process of grief is personal; but I have found here that there are amazing simalarities to the emotions we go through. Pain, guilt, lonliness, bad days and somewhat better days; these are all part of the process that we all have gone through and are still going through. As far as time goes there is no answer. It has been seven weeks since I lost my beloved cat Nikita and although the days are for the most part better there is still an emptiness that I feel may never be filled. Just the other night I laid in bed and thought about not feeling her near me, at my feet or snuggled up next to me and I started to cry. When we have a certain pet that becomes that special pet the loss is indescribable, at times unbearable. It's good that you work with people who understand, so many don't; that's why this site is so important. You can come here and express you feelings without shame or fear. Those of us on here understand and feel your pain.

Winston looks like he was such a special friend. One day the memories will be sweet and bring you joy. I know right now the pain and sorrow are still raw and the adjustment seems impossible. Try to stay strong, love your two girls and take each day as it comes. Remember you can come here to share and to grieve with others as you go this this time of sorrow.

Again I am so so sorry.
John

I re-read some of the comments people had posted in this thread and it just all hit me... the pain, the loss, everything, all at once. I could feel myself starting to break down at my desk and after a few minutes got up to try to find a private place for what I knew was coming. Both of our restrooms were occupied, there were no empty cubicles that didn't have someone sitting in the cubicle right next door.

I finally hid in the stairwell that serves as our fire exit and cried... cried like I haven't cried since he died. Big billowing sobs. But even in the stairwell I couldn't get total privacy as two of my area's managers used those stairs to go for a smoke and I had to explain to both of them why I was such a wreck. I cried, I sobbed, I told Winston I was sorry and how much I missed him. And I felt like at least some of the burden is lightened off of me.

All in all I got about ten minutes of solid crying in, and I think I probably have at least one more of those in me, but it felt so good to finally get it out.

yes, let it out, don't hold back. Be easy on yourself too, time does heal. And once you feel you have went through all the stages, you will have a setback and start all over again, but it will be easier to handle. At 8 1/2 months, I still have setbacks...I will sob like it was the day of and hurt so bad it's hard to breathe again but they are getting fewer and fewer.

Thanks for sharing your pics, beautiful dogs.

Hugs.

Thank you... we always got compliments on the dogs and how gorgeous they are and how expressive they are. They're so full of life; that's what makes Winston's passing so painful. He was in his prime and had so many years left to share with us but it wasn't meant to be. I miss him so much.

I had a very healing day today... a large, loud, blubbery cry this morning and then I called the person who hit Winston.

I talked to his wife, who was in the car when it happened, and I told her that I wanted both of them to know that I held them no ill will at all. I told her I wasn't calling to yell, curse, scream or blame, but to thank them for their decency in stopping and offering to help. I told her I wasn't going to offer forgiveness because as far as I was concerned there was nothing to forgive. I told the story of how he got out and she told me that as they were driving Winston was running along side them in the grass and before she could say anything to her husband he ran out in the road and was hit. They could have kept driving or started yelling at me for not having Winston under control, but instead they offered me compassion and genuine sympathy and regret. She said her family feels the same way about animals that we do and they were absolutely crushed and heartbroken that Winston didn't make it.

It was a good phone call and I'm glad I've gotten closure on that part of this tragedy. And after I got off the phone with her I had another loud cry.

I also finished Winston's grave... now it's surrounded by a small picket fence and the gravesite itself is covered with paving stones, with the headstone I made sitting on top of it. It adds a sense of permanence to the site and also will keep the scavengers away, which was something I was very worried about, especially since we couldn't dig his grave as deep as we wanted, due to how rocky the ground is.

As I sit here typing this I feel at peace... I've done my part to make peace with the people who hit Winston and I've seen to it that his resting place won't be disturbed. I don't think my grieving is done but I think I may be over the blinding pain portion of it, but only time will tell. Part of me hopes that's the case but another part of me almost feels like I may be cheating Winston by not being crushed by grief longer, but I know if he was here and saw how I was grieving he would come up to me, put his head in my lap and just look at me with those big brown eyes as if to say "it's going to be okay... I'm here for you if you need me."

My wife appears to be coming around a bit as well... she said she feels very lonely without Winston here but she doesn't feel as detached from everything that's going on around her. On our way home from work she even said "he knew he wasn't supposed to do what he did", which tells me she's not blaming herself, which is a huge relief.

I've said it many times and I'm going to say it again, thank you so much for your words of support, sympathy and understanding. You people are absolutely incredible.

I'm so glad you had a good day....despite being sad. I think it's great you talked to the people and they were so good about it. The couple times I have come close to hitting a dog, it upset me so bad I had to pull over and cry. Thank God I never have hit a dog or cat, I would feel terrible. Unfortunately accidents happen and you are a very good person to understand that and not have any anger, I don't know if I would be able to do that.

Winston's final resting place sounds wonderful...I always found it theraputic working on "memories" of Brutus...poems, pics and such.

Hang in there and I'm glad you already decided that when another pup needs a home, you will be there. The right pup will come along looking for you.

Hugs,
Sonya

That's how we found Winston... we were just perusing pet-finder.com and when I saw his picture he just spoke to me. Once we've dealt with our grief I'm sure that we'll find another dog who needs us as badly as Winston did.

As far as not having anger, I did at first, but as the days passed I realized that there wasn't anyone to blame for this. It was just a series of bad events that ultimately led to us losing Winston. If it'd been me that hit a dog I could only hope the owner was as understanding and I felt that I owed it to him to give him some peace over what happened.

Hi,

I just read all your and others posts. I could barely get through the first one, knowing how it was going to turn out. I'm so, so sorry for your loss of Winston T. Puppy. 4 months, 4years, `14 years or more...if you (your wife) and Winston were meant to be soul mates than it was destined to be. You sound like you are doing all the write things...being there for each other, taking care of your other two pups (they look kind of like Akita/Shepherd mix...just curious), crying when you need to, making atonement with your neighbors, writing, talking to co-workers. We all need a stairwell in our life, a safe place to express our sadness without judgement or advice from others.

Everyone here knows the sadness of your loss. Some are better-equipped to process the pain, others need lots of time. I fit in the second category. I lost my Kota almost 3 months ago, and the hurt seems to be intensifying. But that's just me. Sounds like you have a lot of avenues of love in your house. All the love that you give to each other will not diminish the love for young Winston. I wish you some peace, rest, and good memories of Winston (when the time is right). Very sad how things play out sometimes. Take care.

Dennis

I felt better this morning when I woke up than I have since this happened. My wife and I talked about Winston on the way into work and both actually shared a couple of tentative laughs at some of his antics.

What I find now, thought, is that I'm obsessing about his grave site. We could only dig maybe 2-3 feet down because of how rocky the ground is. I THINK I've taken adequate precautions to keep his grave from being scavenged. There's a 1' high picket fence around the grave and 12"x12"x2.5" paving stones that completely cover the grave and extend about 6" beyond the actual grave; each stone weighs 23 pounds and there's 18 of them laid side by side, 3 rows of 6 stones.

When I talked to my Dad last night he was concerned that we'd find that grave dug up someday and strongly suggested I find some friends or see if my vet can suggest someone that would come take Winston to be cremated, preferable while we weren't home, but the thought of disturbing him kind of turns my stomach. In hindsight, had I been thinking more clearly, I'd have continued to the vet to have him cremated but I just can't bring myself to disturb his rest.

So I guess my question is this... is there anything else I should do to secure his grave? Someone on another website suggested a layer of chicken wire, covered with dirt. Someone else suggested planting onions and garlic around the grave, and yet another person suggested pouring vinegar around the grave. As far as animals around here, I honestly don't know what lives around me. I'm in a rural area but not isolated in the country; I have neighbors on either side of my house and I don't think I've ever seen dead foxes or coyotes on the roadside, but again, I can't help but worry about this.

I am so sorry for your loss. Winston was a gorgeous little guy. My heart breaks for you and your family as I know all about losing a "soulmate". Thank you for sharing your story.

My thoughts are prayers are with you.

Thank you so much. Winston met the world to us and, like I've said, there's a huge hole in our family where he used to be. Both my wife and I seem to be coming out of the crushing grief we've felt this week; on the way into work we talked about Winston and laughed at his antics. He was an incredible dog.

I also talked to the vet about his grave; she said the stones should be adequate to protect it and when I mentioned the chicken wire she said that would absolutely protect it, so between the wire, the stones, the small fence and the fact I live in a populated area (not too densely populated, but populated nonetheless) I think I can finally be at peace with his resting place when I setup the chicken wire, which I'll do tonight.

I'm so glad you finally have peace about Winston's gravesite. I would have felt the same way, always worrying about other critters getting to my baby...at least you can rest easy now!

I find that talking about Habibi is a way to relieve some of the pain I feel. He was a rather unusual cat who loved his belly rubbed, fetched like a dog, and when I called his name he would come running to me. There are times when I can talk about him without breaking down, and other times, not so much! I believe its all part of the healing process.

Best of luck to you and your family and rest in peace dear little Winston.

I might be one of the lucky ones who process grief very quickly... I feel 100% today than I have all week. I think talking to the person who hit him and taking care of his grave have helped tremendously. To the point I already find myself straying to pet-finder.com to see if there's anyone out there that needs us.

I know that's not realistic, though... I still need time to process what I've been through, as does my wife.

... but there are alot of needy dogs out there...

I am sorry to hear of your tragic loss. When I was a little girl, our next door neighbor ran over our 3 year old poodle. My brother found him and carried him home. He was probably only 5 years old at the time. Being an avid dog lover, I was just crushed and at such a young age. I didn't see it happen and it was incredibly hard on me, but I know it must have been so much harder on my brother. Like with every loss, there is really no time frame to get over it and deal with the grief. Cleo, my australian kelpie, passed on her 9th birthday pretty suddenly from a disease that she had for 3 months, but one nonetheless, we thought we had under control. Cleo was (and still is) so incredibly dear to me......my soulmate of sorts. I miss her more than life itself. When I read your post, I just cried and cried. Winston sounds like such a special dog!

For me, it's been 3 months since Cleo's passing and I am still tormented by the loss. However, I have also learned to keep her memories alive. To always talk about her, laugh about the things she did, love her for the incredible dog that she was. We exchange stories all the time about our beloved. I have moved on from the tragedy and eventually the hard decision to let her go (you know, the "why" stage). That part was tough because of the guilt, the sadness, and the just plain wanting her back. But as I put my energy and focus into all the wonderful things I hold so dear about Cleo, I was able to leave the tragedy of her death behind. Every time I start to think about that day and the 3 months that led up to it.....I steer myself away from such thoughts and anguish and focus on Cleo's wonderful spirit.
I hope you are able to do the same.

Winston was extremely special to you (and your family) and you can feel that love through your words. Embrace his spirit and know that he is not far from you if you want to talk to him.

Peace to you!

Thank you for your words... I loved that dog so much and it, to be blunt, sucks that I've lost him, but I already find myself thinking of him and smiling more than crying, although I do choke up when I think of him. He was such a special dog. We gave him four of the most love-filled years any dog could ever hope for.

And, as I've said before, when the time is right we're going to find another little guy/girl who needs us just like he did.

... and, oddly enough, it seems that time may have come already. Meet Roxy, a four-month old Doberman/Hound:



My wife was randomly perusing Petfinder.com today and came across this little girl and she absolutely melted our hearts. The description of her on Petfinder says she's great with other dogs and cats, is housebroken, spayed and current on all her shots. She loves to snuggle and just be with people.

I've already spoken to the woman who runs the rescue agency and she's aware of the fact that Winston just passed away a few days ago but she's okay with that. My wife and I talked about this in great detail; we're not looking to replace Winston, because we know he'll never be replaced. He was a one-of-a-kind dog with way too much personality for his own good. When we saw this girl's profile on Petfinder we both felt that she spoke to us just like Winston did when we found him.

I've submitted the application and talked with my son... we're all in agreement that while it seems fast we think the time is right; we decided after Winston died that we wouldn't actively look for a dog, but if we found one that needed us we would know it and give that dog a home, and that's what we're going to do with Roxy. Part of me feels like I'm cheating Winston's memory by being so excited about another fur-baby in the house but another part of me knows it's a testament to the love we had for him that we're willing to share that with another dog.

If all goes well, it'll be next weekend before we bring her home. I'll keep everyone informed.

And again, thank you all so much. I wish I could get you all in a room and give you each a hug.

Hi, Clay, I'm just now being able to get caught up on your posts. I'm so glad you and your wife are doing well in your grief journey, and that you have found a peace about Winston's grave. Yes, that can be very unsettling thinking about having his resting place disturbed. Since I can't dig and don't have anyone to do it for me, cremation is the only option for me, and I am always glad when I have my furkids' ashes back with me.

I am so glad you have found Roxy, and hope with all my heart that her introduction to her new fur siblings will go smoothly. I will look forward to hearing all about your newest family member and how everyone is getting along.

Clay, this grief journey does have its ups and downs and twists and turns and turnarounds. I'm glad you have been able to talk to the folks who hit Winston - - to give them an opportunity to grieve with you in your loss - - that they wanted to share your loss with you. I can very well understand how healing this can be, and is for you. I hope that Roxy will bring her own energy into your home - - I'm sure Winston had his paw in this "matchmaking."

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

That's great news about Roxy, hope it all works out, she is a cutie pie.

Sonya

The rescue group said I'd hear back towards the middle of the week. She emailed me last night to say she had my application and everything looks good, and I know that when she calls my vet they'll have nothing but glowing things to say about me, since I already called them to give permission for them to talk to the agency and I was told "don't worry, you won't have any problems from us on this at all."

I'll keep you all posted... I'm terribly excited to get her home.

I was at the grocery store with my son yesterday when he said "Hey Dad, I think that's the guy who hit Winston". I looked to where he was pointing and it sure looked like the gentleman, but when he walked past he didn't acknowledge me.

When we got to our car he was parked one car over from us... I walked over and said "Are you Steve?" He said yes.. "Steve Smith?" Yes again. I said "I'm Clay Hamilton... you hit my dog several weeks ago."

He thanked me for letting him know what happened and Winston's outcome, but he seemed a tad nervous. I told him I was glad to see him as I didn't feel comfortable exchanging messages over what happened. I shook his had and told him I held him no ill will at all and that I appreciate his compassion and sympathy over Winston's loss. I said it was just a tragic accident and I didn't hold a grudge or any bad thoughts to him at all. He thanked me for that and I told him that we are in the process of adopting a puppy from Mississippi, and he shook my hand again and said that was wonderful. I thanked him again, told him I was glad to be able to talk to him and went on my way.

I'm glad I saw him... it really puts closure on what happened to Winston for me, I think. I still miss Winston terribly but to know that I've made peace in person with the person who hit him helps bring a bit more closure to his loss.

(And, if it matters, Steve Smith isn't his real name)

Hi, Clay, I'm glad you were able to talk to the driver who tragically hit Winston. There's nothing like being able to say "I'm sorry" and offer your hand in friendship, forgiveness in person. And Winston is very proud of you, Clay.

I hope that you'll hear about Roxy soon. I bet you and your wife feel a little bit like "expectant parents." Please let us know how things go, okay?

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you... it felt good to talk to him and let him know face to face how I felt. Being angry at him wouldn't do me any good; it's not like he was doing anything wrong... he was driving to church and before he could do anything Winston bolted out infront of him. It was just a series of tragic events that took Winston from us, not someone's negligence or malice.

Unfortunately Roxy wound up staying with her foster mom, who decided while she was on a business trip that she missed her too much to let her go. Good for Roxy, bad for us.

So next month, we're bringing home this little lady:



Her name is Pebbles and she's a 4-month old Doberman/Shepard mix. She was rescued from a high-kill shelter in Mississippi and we were supposed to pick her up from the agency here in NY that was handling her rescue (they're 177 miles from us but we don't care) this past Sunday but before we left we got an email saying that she had started scratching alot the two days prior to sending her up so they kept her there to test and treat, if necessary, for mange. I'm glad they did, since mange in a house with two other dogs that sleep with people could be disastrous.

The downside is we can't get her until next month... September 26 is the date we were given to go bring her home. We were disappointed we couldn't bring her home sooner but I'm glad the agency is taking care of this.

Hi, Clay, little Pebbles is so adorable. I'm sorry about Roxy. When my attempt to adopt little Hank last month didn't work out it really hit me hard - - almost like another loss. It's just been over the last couple of days that I've been able to think about him without tearing up.

Unfortunately with all the rain and ongonig effects of Hurricane Katrina the Gulf Coast region is proving to be a breeding ground for many allergies, rashes, etc.. I hope little Pebbles responds to the treatment so that she can come home to you. Please keep us informed as to how things go, okay? Hang in there - - September 26 will be here before you know it.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for that... we decided that we weren't going to rush into looking for another companion but would know when the time was right and we found an animal that needed us. Roxy apparently didn't, since she had a foster mother who loved her enough to keep her. Pebbles, however, needs us. I'm going to be in pretty constant contact with the agency to make sure she's okay and still coming up here. I'll be taking two days off the week we get her and my wife will be taking three, so we'll be home with her for a full week before she's left alone.

Hi, Clay, please let us know how things are going with Pebbles, okay? That's wonderful about you and your wife being able to take some time off from work when she comes home with you. After all, this is a new baby coming into your home and she needs this quality time with her new mom and dad to help her adjust to her new life and her new fur family.

Let's see - - September 26 - - just 36 days left to prepare for Pebbles' homecoming. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay, and look forward to sharing your news whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Clay. This weekend is my monthly "bill a thon" - - lots of fun balancing the check book, getting payments logged into my ledger that I have not been able to do during the course of the month, matching invoices with payment receipts and filing appropriately, and then getting the next month's bills lined up in the checkbook for payment when funds are available and getting checks written to mail for the bills I still can't pay online - - which, thank goodness - - are few. My brain is a bit of mush right now, but I'm at a point that I can take a "break".

As I was doing evening dishes - - even though I have an automatic dishwasher it's much easier for me to do the few dishes for me and my Noah myself rather than run the big dishwasher - - I was thinking about you and your wife and your anticipation of sweet Pebbles. And a few thoughts came to mind. I hope you won't think me a butt-in-ski - - please accept these thoughts in the true spirit of friendship in which they are offered:

I was thinking to help you and your wife "claim" Pebbles even now, have you thought about doing an audio recording of your voices and sending it to her foster caregivers to play for her so that she can become accustomed to your voices? AND - - would it be possible for you to send her a shirt with you and your wife's scent on it so that she can become accustomed to you BEFORE she actually meets you? This might help her with the transition when you and your wife actually bring her home with you - - sweet Pebbles will already be accustomed to your voices and your scent. And how about sending her a towel or something with the scent of your other furkids, too. This way she will know she will not be alone - - that she'll have another fur buddy to look forward to and play with. AND what about a "family picture" so that her foster caregivers can show her pictures of her new family to be so that she can recognize you when she sees you?

These were just a few thoughts that crossed my mind. I don't know if they are doable in reality of the circumstances, but maybe you could call the foster caregivers and see if they would be willing to play the audio recording of your voices for Pebbles so that she could get accustomed to your voices and keep your shirt / towels / whatever with your scent on them for her to become used to before she actually comes to live with you. The picture may be an option - -.

For whatever these thoughts are worth - - please know I am sharing you and your wife's excitement about bringing little Pebbles home. I hope her treatments are going well and the reports are excellent that you are getting from her foster caregivers.

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay, and look forward to sharing the progress of Pebbles journey with you - - for your journey together has already begun - - the anticipation of bringing her home to you is already a part of your journey together.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Nah, feel free to give me any ideas you have.

Not sure how doable any of those ideas are... the shelter I'm getting her from is in Weschester county, which is about 170 miles from my house (I live in New York) and right now she's being fostered in Mississippi. I'll have to check with the agency in Weschester and see if they'd have any way to get a couple of things down to her. I like the towels with Miya and Takoda's scent on them, and our shirt as well... that's a very good idea.

I'm calling them tomorrow for an update on how she's doing and I'll let you know if it's something we can do.

Hi Clay, I'll look forward to sharing your news. Like I said - - they were just a few ideas that came to mind after focusing on BILLS all day - - when the mind is already a bit twisted and warped. I know that even if these ideas are not doable that you, your wife, and all of your fur family members will help sweet Pebbles with her transition to her new family once she does join you.

I am SO O O O O O excited for you, your wife, and all of your family!!!

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Clay, just checking in to see if you have any updates on Miss Pebbles to share. I hope life is treating you and your family kindly. Just 27 days - - she'll be joining you when autumn is new in upstate New York. What a beautiful time of the year for her to be joining her new family. Lots of leaves to taboggen through - - of course always while you're trying to rake them!!!

Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to hearing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sorry, I must have missed this when you first posted it.

The only thing I've been told about Pebbles is she'll be here on the 26th but I've asked several times for the agency to give me an update as to what they found out about her and they're telling me that the foster home isn't responding to their inquiries, which has me a tad concerned. The last time I talked to them was last Friday and she said she'd call me this week, but as of yet I haven't heard anything.

Which reminds me, I think I'll give them a call.

I just called the agency and tried to leave a message for the woman that we've been dealing with but as I was leaving my numbers in her voicemail I got "scheduling delivery, thank you" and it disconnected on me.

I'm starting to get concerned and not a little angry. The last update I had on Pebbles was when I was called and told they thought she had mange. I have not heard one more update since. Whenever I call the agency I'm told "I promise I'll call you. Don't worry, she's yours". Well, I'm not taking alot of comfort from that.

EDIT: It's amazing what an email and phone call indicating your frustration with an agency will do. Not five minutes after I emailed the agency I got this response:


She is doing great, her skin looks great but she is still itchy. Our vet thinks it's allergies and is treating her with antihistemines and a food allergy diet, just in case it's food. We really think it's a contact allergy as they say she is worse after she goes outside and rolls in the grass. We suspect that she will do better when she gets up there-Mississippi is slam full of allergens.

And along with that email I got this updated picture:

Hi, Clay, oh h h h - - I am so o o o glad you are persevering in getting updates on little Pebbles. What a cutie she is!!! I LOVE THOSE EARS!!! Very filled with character!!! The thing about allergies is - - she will have a whole new set of allergens to get used to once she is with you in New York - - BECAUSE - - they won't be the same as what she is exposed to in Mississippi. Poor darlin' girl. The GOOD NEWS is that she will be with you - - and all of her new PERMANENT family. Hip Hip HOORAY!!!!

Clay, I am so o o o glad the clock is ticking - - each day is closer to her being home with you and all of her permanent family. She'll have a whole new adjustment to go through, so she may need a lot of reassurance that she's not just "passing through."

Thank you so o o much for sharing the update with us, Clay. I know you ard your wife are getting excited - - a little more each day - - at having sweet Pebbles home with you. Look forward to sharing your news when possible, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam