No, this is not a new topic, but it's a new phase of the process, and I thought I would start a new thread about Ladywolf and me. (See "How to Savor the Time with a Dying Pet.)

All of her legs are giving out on her now, and I may have just taken her for her last woodsy ramble. She simply can't keep up even on a very short walk anymore--she lies down to rest, and today I had to leave my friend with her and walk back to get the car, which I then had to navigate over a very rough stretch of mountain dirt road--but not very far, because we simply hadn't gotten very far before Lady called it quits.

Just now, she fell going up a friend's three or four stairs. I can't lift her--she weighs almost as much as I do--though I can help her to stabilize when trying to get in and out of the car, for example, or climbing that short staircase. She's a real trooper, but it's obvious that she's in a lot of pain from the cancer now. However, when she's lying around, she's still very perky and fresh and alert, and her appetite for home cookin' continues to be great. Lying down or sitting up, she seems like the same old Wolf. It's just when she tries to get to her feet...

I'm not really writing just yet to pose the question in my title, because I can't handle talking about it today. I could just use some more support, because obviously we can't continue like this indefinitely--something will have to be done, at some point...

I feel oddly unemotional about it all today, but god knows I have been having lots of those moments over the course of these past few months, since the cancer was diagnosed. She's fourteen or fifteen, and the most magnificent creature you've ever seen--about 80 or 90% pure Alaskan Grey Timberwolf. She is the most intelligent, sensitive, loving, funny, intuitive creature I have ever had the incredible grace to have in my life. I'm trying to remember that.

I don't have the money right now to choose to have her euthanized, I really don't. But a wealthy friend who's paid some of her other bills might pay for it for me, since it would be the last time I asked her for help.

I gotta' stop writing about it right now. I could just use some more support.

Thanks, everyone.

Big Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

Hi Margi
I dont know how much support I can give but I can let you know I am thinking of you and what you must be going through. I have never known so much emptiness until the past 4 weeks since our Dozer left so sudden. We have had a dog in the home for over 22 years and I cant even explain the feeling. I will be thinking and saying a prayer for you both. Its so hard to let go even after they are gone. My heart goes out to you.

Hugs
Anna

Margi, I'm so sorry. There is no easy way to get through something like this. If Ladywolf still has an appetite and seems to be okay when she's at rest, then let her rest and feed her whatever she wants. She'll let you know when it's time. Meanwhile, use the time to tell her how much you love her and be gentle with yourself. Ladywolf has had a good, long inning and she is the wonderful dog she is because of you. Know that you have the support of everyone here. We all know how your heart is breaking and we'll all keep you and Ladywolf in our prayers.

Barbara

Hey Margi
I wish I could be there to give you a big hug. I know how hard this is for you. I have to agree with Barbara - as along as she's eating and still acting perky - let her be. I do believe she will tell you when she's ready to leave. My heart is hurting for you and Ladywolf right now. Take care.
Sharon

Dear Margi and Ladywolf

I am thinking of you and sending big hugs. I will be praying for you both and hoping that you both can share some more time together. I echo what others have said in that as long as Ladywolf is enjoying her food and resting peacefully she doesn't seem to be suffering . Our fur babies can usually let us know when they are in too much pain or when things get too much for them. Try and take deep breaths and carry on doing what you've been doing , preparing her lovely meals and loving her and comforting her and hopefully you can both find some peace in each others company. Sharing precious time together. Maybe just let the legs rest as the walking must be too much now, you know her so well, and she will let you know if and when she needs help in any way.

Please give Ladywolf a big Hug from Aunty Jan, and please keep us posted if you can, but not to the detriment of time that can be spent with your precious Wolf baby Lady.

Love and HUGS
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

I am so very sorry. Ladywolf is a beautiful soul and she is very lucky to have you as a mom. I would agree with the others as far as knowing when the time is to say good bye. I don't know what your vet has been doing for pain but you might look into a Fentanyl patch at this point. It will release a strong narcotic in a slow release form to help block her pain. It is used for extreme pain such as cancer and is probably the most effective pain blocker for cases like this. We used one with our cat Sebastian when he stopped eating he was in so much pain and it helped to save his life. It may extend the time you have with your sweet girl. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Margi...I'm so sorry. Ladywolf sounds very much like how Brutus was...a fighter, never giving up. I'm thinking of you and sending you and Ladywolf good thoughts.

Hugs,
Sonya

Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts. I'm in a bad depression, nonetheless. It's Easter, I spent the night in a friend's gloomy house with Lady so that my friend's dog would have company, and now Lady is in a dark corner of the bedroom and doesn't want to get up. (We spend a lot of time over here, so this is a familiar place to her.)

My couple of friends are both away for the weekend, and I have no one to even see, much less celebrate Easter with. I had a horrible "counseling" session on Friday, with the woman who seems to glean her material from the manual called "What not to say and do during counseling sessions," I'm flat broke, and I don't have much going for me today.

But somehow I'll rally and Ladywolf will have to, because I do want to go home. This is not a good environment for trying to cheer up in. At least it's nice outside. I'd take a drive but I have no gas. Get out the violins!

Thanks for giving me a place to express this kind of stuff--I really can't think of anyone to see today to help cheer me up. This is awful, but this too shall pass, I guess...

Margi and the Wolf

Oh dear Poor Margi, we may not be with you physically but we are with you in 'spirit' and thinking of you. Can you get outside in the garden or yard , at least the sun might lift your spirits, it always does for me. I wish I could 'pop' round and visit you and Ladywolf. It's a lovely evening here in Uk. The sun is just about to set, but we have a lovely cloudless blue sky for a change. It must be early afternoon where you are. I do hope that your day improves and that you and Lady Wolf are soon back home.

Hugs
Jan and Pixie and my Angels xx

Hi, Margi, I am so sorry that you and Ladywolf are now at this "crossroads" in your journey together. My heart is breaking for you both. Have you thought about seeking assistance from your local humane society? Some vets also have a "Good Samaritan" fund for folks who cannot pay for their services. It will not hurt to try to limit Ladywolf's activities to "essential" outdoor needs, and then just keep her resting comfortably and enjoying her company and enjoying seeing her enjoying her meals. This will give you more quality time together and give you time to assess Ladywolf's needs - - and better determine when it is "time". I frequently told my beautiful Abbygayle that if my love could have made her well that she never would have gotten sick in the first place. My last act of love for her - - sending her home to the angels - - did enable her to be totally healed and restored to her former healthy precious body. Margi, I wish there were some words I could say that would make this part of your journey with Ladywolf less painful for you, but I am at a loss to know what those words are. But I hope it is comforting for you to know that you and Ladywolf are always close in my thoughts and prayers, and that I am here for you to share how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Margi, I just read your post this afternoon. I'm so sorry. This is an awful process, isn't it? I totally agree with Barbara, Ken, and Moonbeam. As long as she is comfortable and eating.....well, that's all we can ask for at this time. Like the others have said, you'll know. I hope, with respect to your finances and your heartache, that she goes quiety in her sleep. Without struggle.
I just said to my husband this afternoon as I was thinking about Niles' and Frasier's last days that helping someone you love pass is a long, hard process. I know what you mean about the numb feeling. I think it's a coping mechanism.
I just said a prayer for you that you will get the peaceful passing that I so desperately prayed for for my Niles. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad you've got this place to come to.
-Donna

Thanks, everyone, for your support.

I had a slightly better afternoon--I was going bonkers, so I finally decided to use some money I had set aside for a bill to get some gas and head up into the hills looking for running water of some kind, and I FOUND some. (You don't know what an accomplishment that is in this part of Arizona!) I parked right near a small snow-runoff stream, and Lady was easily able to navigate her way over to it and lie happily on the shore. So we stayed there for awhile--no walk--but there were wildflowers and butterflies and lovely warm sun, so yes, I do feel a bit better.

You're right, though--this is one heck of a hard process...

Thanks again--

Margi

Hi, Margi. I'm so o o glad you and Ladywolf had a chance to get out together and enjoy being together close to Nature's beauty - - in a way that was comfortable and peaceful for the both of you. The bills will always be there - - but this time with your precious Ladywolf is so very important, too. Thank you so much for sharing your day together with us.

Please know you and Ladywolf are in my thoughts and prayers, Margi, and please keep letting us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm so up and down, I feel like I'm going crazy.

But, then, I've always been so up and down that I felt like I was going crazy!

Margi and the Wolf Eminence

Hi Margi,

I am so sorry to hear that Ladywolf is declining. It is so hard to watch the ones we love get sick.

It sounds to me like Ladywolf still has some quality of life left. She still has a great appetite and it doesn't sound like she's in pain. I know she loves to go for walks but I would probably stop doing that because I think it may make her weaker.

Just cherish what time you do have left with her and give her extra special attention, which I know you are doing.

She is such a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful mother. You have given her an amazing life and I know she is grateful that she has you.

I wish I could say something that would make the pain go away, but there are no words that could even come close to dealing with what you are going through. Just know that we are all here for you and will help you in any way that we can to deal with your grief.

I will be saying a HUGE prayer for you and Ladywolf tonight in that you will find peace and comfort thru this very difficult time.

Love,
Rhapsedy

Hi Margi,

So sorry to hear about your sweet doggy. Our Stormy was the same at the end, it was hard for him to get up, but once he was up he stayed up for ages as he knew how hard it was for himself to get up! He too had a great appetite, which I think is a great sign - but like your doggy he also had trouble on walks and we gradually phased them out, with the exception of his last night alive (which I am sooooo thankful for). Stairs were out of the question for quite some time before he passed though, and yes, we had to help him too.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello and that we are thinking of you.

Take care,
Moira

Oh Margi, I am so sad to read your posts. Like others have said though Lady is still eating which is positive. We didn't take Foxy for any walks for the last few weeks of her life, two days before she passed she point blank refused to eat. We couldn't get anything down her at all, that's how we knew it was time. I'm thinking of you and your lovely Lady.

Irene.

Thank you Rhapsedy, Moira, Irene and everyone--

A miracle has occurred! One of our regular posters p.m'd me and offered to pay for Lady's euthanasia...if it comes down to that. I honestly did NOT have the money for it, and there ARE no generous vets in Tucson, or so it seems. So this angel lady is sending me a money order. I'm going to give the money to a friend to hold for me until the time I might need it, so it will be safe. I can hardly believe that someone I don't even "know" has offered to relieve me of this particular stressor, at a time when the rest of the stress is practically killing me at times. I feel so relieved. I thank you again, angel lady!

So now if that time does come, the funds will be at hand. Like everyone, I am hoping for a peaceful passing at home, much the way Poppers went back in December. Today my vet gave me the heads up to double Lady's painkiller, which is only aspirin and Naprosyn, but does seem to help her, and she seems a little less pained today while walking around. I, on the other hand, am exhausted and may take a good, long nap this afternoon...

Ladywolf still has a good long way to go.

I want to post some more pictures here, but I always have trouble. Could someone post some for me if I email you some jpegs? Thanks.

Blessings to all, and particularly to this amazing Forum--

Margi and the Wolf

What an incredible lady!!! Whoever you are you have a heart of gold!!!

I'm glad that Ladywolf is doing better. I bet it's a combination of the meds and all of the prayers you get from everyone on this website.

Take care Margi

Hi Margi
I glad to hear that Ladywolf is hanging in there and that she's not in pain. I'm praying for both of you -- just love her as much as you can in the time you have left -- which I truly hope is a long, long time.
Sharon

Hi Margi, I am thinking of you and Ladywolf and feel so sad that her quality of life is deteriorating. What an awful place you are in right now, I wish I could do something to help you, but all I can do is offer my support and let you know how very much I feel for you and Ladywolf. I understand your pain xx

madi xx

Hi, Margi, what a WONDERFUL post!!! I am so oo glad that your "angel friend" will be able to help you with Ladywolf when the "time" is appropriate. Blessings to this very special forum!! I know this takes a very heavy burden off your heart and mind. I'm glad that the increased pain meds seem to be helping Ladywolf, and is giving her an additional quality of life and time with you. Please know you and Ladywolf are close in my thoughts and prayers, and please continue to let us know how you and your precious Ladywolf are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Margi,

I am glad that Ladywolf's pain is being controlled and that she is still with you for awhile longer. I also had my own "guardian angels" on this group. I am retired and on a very limited fixed income now. They helped me in paying for the huge costs for surgery and treatment if our sweet cat Iona. Though she died from an infection she acquired when the surgeon put in the pin for her broken leg it still meant that instead of her dying a slow death as a feral cat I was given the time to tame her and show her what real love was. She learned how much fun it was to play with toys and how comforting it was to be petted and held as well as to having the luxury of being served good meals and having a warm, safe, dry place to sleep. To Iona having those 2 months was worth every cent that I and my angels spent on her. Every single day I think of the kindness shown by those wonderful people on this site who helped Iona. I am glad that you have similar help. The folk here are truly a blessing. Their kind hearts are an inspiration to us all and a lesson in what true compassion means. Whenever I am thrown into despair when reading about some cruel thing that a person has done to an animal all I have to do to restore my faith is to think of these special angels and how much they care. When I do that it brings a huge smile to my face. I imagine you probably feel the same gratitude and love for them as I do.

Please pet Ladywolf for me and know that you all are still and will always be in my prayers.

Take care,
Ken Albin

Oh, thank you everyone for your kind words. They make so much difference.

Ladywolf seems to be doing much better since I doubled her pain med--which is only a combination of aspirin and naprosyn at this point-- called Meloxicam. She's not limping on her front legs any more for now, and it's a miracle. She's also even perkier and fresher. I suppose that a trip to the vet will be called for soon, to find out if she should be on something even stronger, according to how much pain the vet thinks she is or isn't in. I don't think the vet thought in her wildest dreams that Lady would still be alive, but she didn't know about our combined determination and powerful life force. After all, I survived being unconscious for eight days with no food and water--why wouldn't my wolf have the same determination to stick around?

Yes, Ken, I am blown away by the kindness and generosity of the people on this Forum. Although I don't know why--I was co-moderator of the Zoloft User's Group on Yahoo for awhile, and we were very close and always doing useful things for each other. But this is different--the people here are truly dedicated to the well-being of animals, and I care more about animals than I do about humans, almost. So it's my kind of place! Thank you again, angel lady donor! And I'm so glad, Ken, that your kitty got to experience a different side of life from what he was used to.

If it comes down to something powerful like Fentanyl patches, I know that I won't be able to afford them either. But we're not at that point yet. And I'm not sure that I want to keep Ladywolf alive and zonk her out to that degree. I've used F patches myself, and they were too powerful even for me, and I have a high resistance to painkillers.

For now, we're doing okey-dokey, I think. Lady is her usual pushy, demanding, stubborn self--and that's worth any cost!

Love to all--

Margi and the Wolf

P.S. Again, I ask if anyone can help me post a few more pictures? I'm photo-challenged here, but I could mail jpegs...

Margi,

I am so glad that Ladywolf is doing better. I agree with you... painkillers are a good thing but not if they are so strong that they just knock the animal out. I will keep praying for you and Ladywolf every night.

I wish I could help you with posting your pictures, I am photo-challenged too. Someone even gave me step-by-step instructions and I couldn't figure it out. ;-)

Dear Margi
So pleased to hear that Ladywolf is having better days, which will also result in you having better days of course. So thats all good.
Regarding the photos, I can post them for you as I have managed to do it for others on here. I will PM you my main e-mail address, so just forward the ones you would like me to post on here.
I do still have the two you posted on a link that I could probably put directly on here for you . Let me know if you would like me to try.
Thinking of you and your Dear Ladywolf.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

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Dear Margi and Ladywolf
Here is the first of your photos. They are coming out quite large so I will try and re-size the others and post them seperately, if I can't make them fit .
What beautiful Pictures !
Hugs Jan xx

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Ladywolf

She is such a beautiful girl.
Sorry I couldn't cut the white borders from the other pics, but it's just so lovely that we can all see Ladywolf. Love her and feel like I know her so well.

Ladywolf is sooo beautiful! Is she actually part wolf? She certainly looks like she could be. And I'm so glad to hear that she's doing better! Remembering Charlie's final weeks, I know how you cherish those few precious moments of wellness or even seeming wellness. There was a day, about a week before Charlie died, when he seemed hungry and ate several meals in a row without getting sick. I never thought I could feel such pleasure in watching a dog eat, but I swear it was one of the happiest moments of my life when he devoured an entire hard boiled egg and then went on to eat a little rice and vegetables cooked in chicken broth. Hang onto those moments, Margi. I'll be thinking of you and Ladywolf this weekend and sending you lots of healing energy.

Barbara

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Ladywolf

Thank you SO MUCH, Jan, for making Ladywolf look like a movie star on the wide screen!

Yes, Charlie's Mom, she is almost ALL wolf--around 80-90% Alaskan Grey Timberwolf, with a little Malamute mixed in for even-temperedness. She is an angel, very trustworthy around children and other dogs--just not so much around cats. She loves most people, and the ones she doesn't love...she is warning me that I shouldn't trust them either.

The little girl in picture #1 is not related to me--is just a friend who loves Lady.

Jan, thank you again!

Lady is having a high-energy day today, thank god.

Hugs from Margi and the Wolf

I know what you mean! Charlie took a dislike to only two people in his entire life. One was an uncle by marriage whom nobody in the family likes (smart dog!) and the other was a neighbor I'd never met before, but found out later had been jailed twice for beating up his life-in girlfriend. That one really startled me because there was no way Charlie could have picked up any cues from my body language. I'd never met the man before and was quite surprised at Charlie's reaction. Charlie loved people and always greeted them in a tail-wagging frenzy, but his response to this guy was a deep-throated growl, hair standing up on his back, teeth showing, the works. It was only later I found out this neighbor was an absolute louse. How Charlie knew that I'll never understand, but his reaction was very dramatic. Like I said, smart dog!

I wish I could meet Ladywolf. I met a tame full-blooded wolf a few years ago. She was the sweetest thing and gentle as a puppy. As for Ladywolf's problem with cats, I once had a 15-pound poodle mix with the same problem. He loathed cats and once jumped off a 20-foot deck to run after one. Fortunately, he landed on the grass and after lying there for a second to catch his breath, he leapt to his feet and took off after that cat like a Hun in full battle cry. Silly dog!

Barbara

Ladywolf has been absolutely unfailing in her &%^ysis (this is so weird--I can't edit that word...&%^ysis. like &%^yze. the editor won't let me change it!) of peoples' personalities and motives. I trust her far more than I trust myself to figure out if someone has a lurking dark side, and bad intentions. She is one smart wolf!

Wolves are much-maligned, but it has so much to do with how they are treated--as is true with all animals, of course. She has been my soulmate from the first moment I looked into her eyes, and we have only rarely been apart. We've travelled all over the west together and have been through lots of challenging circumstances. She is stalwart and devoted and true--just a bit demanding sometimes. I like to quip that while dogs may show their owners unconditional love, Ladywolf has CONDITIONS attached to her love! Not in her heart, but in her day-to-day life. I.E., mom, I want in now. NOW, not later! Now!

She has a fabulous vocabulary--she croons and whistles and "woofs" in a soft way, only getting louder if she doesn't GET her way! She only howls when I'm not around, so I've never seen it, though I've heard it. It's a primal and eery and wonderful sound...

I don't think Lady hates cats--but I think she thinks that they would make good fast food! So I have to watch her very carefully, especially if any kittens are around.

Your story about your poodle mix and the cat is hysterical. And Charlie's intuition--doesn't surprise me at all!

Hugs--

Margi and the mostly-Wolf

Terriers must be very close to their wolf ancestors. Every terrier I've ever known has been demanding in exactly the way you describe. When Charlie wanted a treat, he went directly to the cabinet where I kept them and barked, very sharply and loudly, and only grew louder if I ignored him. In the AKC description of the West Highland terrier, in fact, it states, "Westies will not tolerate being ignored." And then some!

I love your description of Lady thinking of cats as 'fast food.' Literally, eh? I mean, they can run pretty fast! Charlie actually liked cats but they puzzled him. He always wanted to lick their faces and let's face it, not many cats appreciate that. He got his nose swiped any number of times and it always hurt his feelings. Not that it ever stopped him from trying again, of course!

Stupid nannyware. It doesn't like the word @n@lyze? How bizarre!

Barbara

Barbara--

So Westies are baby wolves? Sounds about right.

Yes, "fast food," in several meanings of the phrase.

I just found this on youtube--it's delightful. Just how Ladywolf would have looked and acted as a puppy, had I known her then!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjjV-LFUi0o...feature=related

Love--Margi and herWolf

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Laydwolf

Hi Margi and Ladywolf
I managed to clip the photos to remove all the white borders at last.
I love the youtube of the wolf puppy, and so did Pixie, she ran over and watched with me, head ##ed (tilted) then, try that LOL, to one side. Very cute. Think if you spell 'anelyzed' (wrong I know, but with no mention of the disallowed 'nether' regions, we will all get your drift.
I've re-posted the pics as they are now way back in the thread and I think they deserve to be seen by all our friends on here.
It's such great news that Ladywolf is doing well, enjoy your days together, they are so precious.
Love and hugs
Jan and Pixie and my Angels x

Hi Jan--

Glad you and Pixie had fun!

I just got it. Anilyzed. Anelized. Duh...

Obviously, I was going for doggie p**n in my original post!

Damnation!

Thank you so much for cleaning up the borders and reposting.

Love--Margi and the wolf

They let me say damnation, but not &%^yze?

###, >>>, @@@]

Just testing...

LOL, Margi.Be careful though as we don't want to be banned from the forum for being too ##y.

Ladywolf had a very good day. No &%^ysis necessary!

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Ladywolf
That is the best news. Just getting ready now for another 'Pixie' hike. Have a good day and love to you and your dear Ladywolf.
Hugs Jan and Pixie and My Angels x

Too exy?, Jan?

Margi and the Wolf

Margi, I am so glad that Lady has improved and glad someone has shown such great kindness to you. Lady is absolutely gorgeous by the way, she looks so very huggable. Take care, Irene. x

Hi, Margi, I'm finally being able to get caught up on posts, and am SO O O O glad Jan was able to help you with your pictures. They are F A B U L O U S!!!! I am so o o o glad Ladywolf is doing better on her increased pain meds. Sometimes that's all it takes - - as long as the pain is managed that does provide a continued good quality of life. And I hope this continues for many many many many . . . . . more months to come.

I agree with you that wolves are very much maligned, and it just makes me heart sick to know what has happened to them here in the States. Thank goodness for the National Wildlife Federation and other similar groups who are working to bring them back to our wilderness and preserve their rights to live. The same plight and fight for survival faces our wildlife cats as well.

Margi, it's always good hearing from you and getting caught up on your news. Please know you and Ladywolf are always close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi all-

Ladywolf had a bad, stumbly sort of day. I can't decide whether it's better to rest her or walk her a little on these kinds of days. Logic says rest, but her lifelong history says walk her a bit. It feels terrible not being able to take a real walk with her anymore. I feel the loss horribly. I have yet to leave her home while I go out for a walk, but I guess that that day is coming, any day now. I can't get fat and lazy just because Lady can't go hiking anymore!

I'm rambling--it was just a hard day.

Margi and the Wolf

Margi, I'm so sorry. I had those kind of up and down days with Charlie too. One day I'd be rejoicing because he had a little more energy and had even eaten a bit without throwing up. The next he'd be so weak he could barely walk and I'd feel my stomach twist into knots. Those are the times when you wish they could talk so they could tell you how they're really feeling and maybe give you some advice about what the heck to do. It's such a helpless feeling. I'll be sending you lots of positive energy. Take care.

Barbara

Thanks, Barbara, I really appreciate it. Her stumblyness today colored my whole day--I couldn't do ANYTHING right!

So sorry about Charlie too.

Hugs--Margi and the Wolf

I hope Lady has a better day today. Thinking of you both,

Barbara

Hi, Margi, just want to add whatever comfort I can to you and Ladywolf in this new "transition" phase in your journey together. Days like this bring to heart the "quality of life" questions and concerns. Just take one day at a time, Margi, for both you and Ladywolf. Please know both of you are always close in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam