I just found out Friday my Shelby has CRF. I noticed she was not coming around be that much last week and took her to the vet on Friday. Her blood work came back with really high numbers. The urine test will come back today. She is still eating fairly well, but she seemed to slow down last week too. She just isn't herself. I do not have experience in dealing with this illness. Can anyone give me some advise? I was here just over a year and a half ago when I lost my Casey to lung cancer. It is breaking my heart to have to type this. I can't eat or sleep since I got the news. Shelby has had some health issues, so I am not in total shock, but I just can't stop thinging about it. Just as I read on one of the other post, I just look at her now and think about her dying. I go upstairs(since she no longer comes downstairs to see me) to check on her all the time. I just can't seem to relax and I know animals can sense this and it is not good for her. She went downhill so fast (in about 1 week). I miss my old Shelby and I don't know if once she is on a treatment plan if she will become her old self again. I also don't want to be selfish and keep her going just for me. The vet said she is not in any pain, but then I don't understand why she just lays on the dresser in front of the window. Please help me!

Dear Karen
I am so sorry that you are having to post about your dear Shelby on here. You must be feeling so worried as we all do when our dear fur babies start behaving differently and are then diagnosed with conditions which seem daunting and complicated to comprehend and deal with. We felt the same when our first Samoyed, Tasha was diagnosed with Diabetes at the age of 7. She went on with the right care and medication to live another fullfilling 7 years , even though she was blind, bless her.
I have been looking at a website which may be of help to you at this time. It's by a very caring lady who herself has cared for kittys who were diagnosed with CRF. I hope it will help and give you encouragement.
http://www.felinecrf.org/

I'm sure there will be people on here who also have experience and who will be able to help you.
Please know that I am thinking of you and your darling Shelby.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Thank you Janika for your kind words. I will check out the website. I just feel so lost. The site will give me some hope and guide me though this terrible time. I feel as though I have lost her already. She seems so different and it happen just in one weeks time.

Karen, I would love to respond to your post but I'm at work & will have to wait until a little later. Is your Shelby a dog or a cat? I've had experience 2 times recently w/ crf both dog & cat. I'll post later. I'm sorry you're going through this but take a deep breath. It's really all you can do at this point.
-Donna

Donna
Shelby is a cat. I look forward to reading what you have to say.
Thank you.

Karen, again, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Our dog, Buck, was diagnosed with crf last March. We hospitalized him for IV fluids and were able to bring his numbers down and now he is on prescription food to help him maintain. We have his numbers checked every 3 months and they are always creeping back up again. He is an 11-year old lab/golden retriever mix so he is getting up there. Going off of his food will be a major sign for us, according to our vet. He has begun to be finicky about eating so we are concerned.
We just lost our precious cat, Niles, a week ago. He was diagnosed with crf in February of this year. But before you panic at reading that, please know that he was 15 and suffering complications of other things. He had severe inflammatory bowel disease that we weren't able to get under control this time. He had a heart murmur his whole life and we and our vets suspect it was actually his heart that caused his final problem. His little body just got very tired. We lost his brother, Frasier, last August and we noticed a change in Niles as soon as he realized Frasier wasn't in the house anymore. We attributed his inappetance to that. But he began to lose weight steadily. (Frasier incidentally died of acute kidney failure resulting from medication we were giving to help another problem)
There is a great website regarding feline crf called felinecrf.org. The numbers can come down with treatment and if they come down, her appetite will get better. If your vet can get Shelby's numbers down, she could possibly live a relatively normal life for awhile. I don't know the specifics of her situation but I didn't want you to give up hope.
I completely understand everything you wrote, though. It's so very hard to watch your baby fade. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting to send her negative vibes. That was very hard for me too because I knew even if I was faking it, he might see through me. It's so hard to love on them without getting emotional. Your love for her will make you do the right thing. You have to trust that. Just keep telling her you love her and tell her everything you can think of that you want her know. I don't mean to sound like this is her end. It may not be yet but I thought we could get Niles over the hump and we couldn't. I spent his last months telling him over and over all the things I wanted him to know. I can't tell you how much comfort I get from that. I don't have that same comfort with Frasier's death.
Reading back over what I've written, I don't think I've helped much at all. I just wanted you to know not to give up hope. I also wanted you to know that someone else (and alot of people on this forum) so totally understand what you are feeling. We've all been there and are still there in some cases. My heart goes out to you, Karen, for the battle you are beginning. Please keep posting here. I wish with all my heart I could give you some advice on your own mental state. I know about being obsessed and not being able to do anything while they're sick. I was almost completely incapcitated. I didn't take care of myself. Try not to do that. I know it's hard, though.
-Donna

Donna thanks for the kind words and sharing your experience. I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Niles. To be honest Niles sounds a lot like Shelby. She too has a bowel issue (we finally got it under control w/cisapride and lactulose) we also did IV fluids for a short time, but Shelby fought it so much we stopped (now if feel the guilt that maybe if we did not stop we would not be facing what we are facing now). She also has a heart murmer (sp?) that she too has had her whole life. She at one point had a kidney stone that had to be surgically remove (so I tell her she is my million dollar kitty) I spoke with my vet at lunchtime and Shelby's urine test came back. My Vet was surprise she has a really nasty infection, so that isn't helping matters. I will pick up some meds tonight after work and tomorrow we are going back for another lesson on doing the fluids. I hope once we start the treatment Shelby will become her old self again. I know it will be a hard road, but it helps to post here.

Karen

Karen, oh my goodness, how familiar cisapride and lactulose are to me! Frasier had megacolon so we spent the better part of last year teetering the cisapride/lactulose see-saw. Niles also had that nasty kidney infection at the time we discovered his crf. I so hope that Shelby does better than he did. It was all a balancing act as we tried to figure out if the antibiotic for his infection was affecting his appetite or was it the medication for the inflammation or was he signaling to us that he was done. We just didn't know. I hope it goes better for you. I wouldn't take anything for that sweet (but hard) time I had with him in his last weeks, though. He was my soulmate and a piece of me certainly died with him. How old is Shelby? (I'm sorry if you've already posted that. I'm trying to respond quickly as I am still at work and shouldn't be on the internet!)
-Donna

Hi, Karen, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies about your precious Shelby's CRF diagnosis. It sounds like she has a lot of things going on at once which makes it so hard to know what came first (like the chicken or the egg?). Please don't regret any decision you've made - - for you made them always with love and your precious Shelby's best interests at heart with the information you had at the time. And when you see that a treatment is stressing more than it seems to be helping, of course you need to take a "time out" to re-evaluate and give your precious Shelby a chance to re-group. You know, they are just like us - - too much stress with medical treatments can be worse than what ails the body.

Donna and Jan have given you the very best information with their experiences. Many years ago I, too, had a precious kitty with CRF and she lived for 2 years with periodic treatments and a special diet - - joined the angels at 16.5 years of age. I also had a special dog who had multiple health issues one of them being Canine Crohn's Disease, and the last being kidney failure - - joined the angels at 15 years and 8 months of age. Even though my furkids' experiences were many years ago when treatments were limited, I hope by sharing these experiences can still add hope and encouragement to the excellent responses Donna and Jan have already provided.

Karen, I'm so glad you have come back to this wonderful forum where you know you will find encouragement, support, and comfort. Please know that you and your precious Shelby are close in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going.

Donna,
Shelby is 14 years olds. I am glad you mentioned the antibotics may effect her eating. Was Niles interested in coming around you when he was sick, or did he stay away? I think the way Shelby is acting is adding more stress to an already very stressful situation. She just doesn't seem interested in life. All she does is lay on the dresser and look out the window. She also goes into the kitty condo and lays. I'm not even sure if she is resting comfortably or not. I am so worried. Shelby will still eat a very little. But she looks so sad to me. I did go the the web page the you guys told me about and it did say to give at least two weeks of treatment to see if she will improve. I just don't want her to suffer. It is so hard to know what to do.

I want to thank all of you for your support.
Karen

Karen, I don't think Shelby is suffering. She's not comfortable & probably feels like she has the flu but I don't think she is suffering. I know it's very stressful for you. Niles was not an affectionate kitty in that he didn't get in our laps for love. He just wanted to be near us when he was feeling affectionate. He completely quit coming into the living room where we usually are in his last week. He pretty much stayed in the guest bedroom on the bed until his last 4 days. Then he moved into the guest bathroom and I knew that wasn't good. On his last day he moved into the other guest bedroom on the floor. He just kept changing positions and I knew he was uncomfortable.
Karen, I know this is so hard to go through. Even though I don't know you, I'll hold your hand through this. I don't want anyone to feel what I felt but I know it's inevitable. Our babies can't stay forever. She knows you love her because she's been with you this long. She knows you love her. Don't forget that. And remember as you make decisions for her, your love will make you do the right thing.
Niles did quit eating on his own 1 week before he died. We were force-feeding him at that point. We kept thinking if we could get some food in him he would get some strength back and feel better. Every now and then he would eat a treat on his own & that is what made everything so confusing. We just couldn't tell if he'd given up. On his last day, though, I knew. And you will know.
She knows you love her.
-Donna

Dear Karen--

I wanted to join your thread and offer to you my shoulder to cry or sigh on too. As the companion of a very old wolf-dog, Ladywolf, who is slowly dying of cancer right now, I have months of experience of watching her fade out bit by bit, and it is very hard indeed. Lady is still perky and has a great appetite and a lot of vitality, but she is having more and more trouble getting up and moving around because of her slowly-growing tumors. I know that the end can't be too far away, so I am cherishing every moment that I have left with her...but there's a lot of pain for me, along with the pleasure.

You don't know how long Shelby may live after she starts getting the correct treatment. I have no experience myself with CRF, but lots of people here do, and they seem to be confirming that, with treatment, their own pets have gone on to live considerably longer. So don't give up hope!

On the other hand, 14 is fairly old for a dog or cat (Ladywolf is 14 or 15), and sometimes the reality is that their bodies just do give out, and sometimes they have to be assisted over to the other side, terrible as that prospect is. As others have said, you will know it if that time comes--you will just know it, in your mind and heart.

I sincerely hope that Shelby begins to improve with treatment, I really do. Obviously, you love her very very much, as much as she loves you. I hope that you get to have her around for a good long time to come. Give her a little time to respond to treatment--don't judge her future condition on her current listlessness.

I don't think that I've said anything new or particularly helpful, except that I am dealing with a somewhat similar situation, and I know what agony it can be. The wonderful folks on this forum have been very helpful to me, so please keep coming back here to keep us posted and to take advantage of our support and love. Everyone here truly understands.

Big, big hugs! Margi and Ladywolf

Big

Margi
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I have been down the road dealing with a pet with cancer also. I know first had how difficult it is. My Casey had lung cancer and only two short weeks after finding out we had to say goodbye. I did a lot of "what if's" at that time. Casey was my first cat and he too was with me through a lot of trying times in my life. I had the joy of his companionship for 12 years. I will keep you and Ladywolf in my thoughts and prayers.
Karen

Hi Karen,
As you know my cat Meisha just passed. Despite the fact he had cancer, diabetes, and elevated kidney #'s, most of his blood work/xrays made it appear he was doing ok. My vet gave me morphine in case I noticed he was uncomfortable and gave me this advice on 3 things vets/owners need to monitor : is he eating/drinking ok? if he using the litterbox on his own/grooming himself ok? is he showing affection? if the answer is no to any of those and he has major illnesses it's not a good sign and need to consider what is best for him. My cat was doing great, then last week he was at the vet 3 times plus I took him to emergency one night. That is not the life I wanted for him and the fact is he was old and had life threatening illnesses and I told myself "he'll bounce back"...and in fact he did for a day before he showed more discomfort and i knew it was time. My thoughts are with you both

Shelby is doing a little better. We decided to do the fluids every other day instead of once a week. My regular vet will be back from maternity leave next week, so we will get a treatment plan from her too. I wanted to thank you for giving the info on the CRF site. I also join that group and have already received some great advise and encouragement. Shelby is still not herself, but is still eating. If fact I had some Hill's A/D left over from fostering kittens last summer and she loved it! I will also be trying the K/D - hopefully she will like that as well. I am trying to just take one day at a time, but as you all know it is hard not to worry.
Thank you very much for all your help.

Karen & Shelby

Hi, Karen and Shelby, I'm checking in to see how you're doing, and am glad to know that Shelby is "hanging in there" with you. Yeah, I know about both the A/D and K/D - - they are both very good foods for furkids who are having health challenges. I do so know the emotional roller coaster ride you and Shelby are on. The good days will send you soaring with ectasy and the not so good days will feel like a knife in your heart and raise all those questions - - "is it time now" "is she in pain" "is this just a temporary setback" - - and on and on your mind and heart search for what to do. Just please know you and Shelby are not traveling this road alone - - we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your precious Shelby are close in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how everything is going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Karen and Shelby--

I too wanted to check in and see how you are doing these days? Has a change in treatment plan resulted in any change for Shelby? I surely hope so.

I too am watching Ladywolf every day and &%^yzing her every move. Is she in pain? Will she be able to get in and out of the car today? How much longer do we have, etc.? It's crazy-making when I do that, so I try to do it as little as possible, but it's hard not to be fixated on a sick pet, isn't it?

I'm hoping that things are going better for you and your fur-kid?

Big hugs from Margi and Ladywolf

I spoke with my regular vet last night. She wants me to do fluids everyday (200cc) for one week. She thought since Shelby had a nasty bacterial infection that could be part of the reason her blood work was so bad. My vet is only working part time now, so she told me when she get to the office on Friday she will go over Shelby's records. She will also speak with the vet who saw her. I will have to take Shelby back in for blood work to see if her numbers have gone down.

Shelby seems to be doing okay, but just is not being social at all (at least with us). It has been really nice here and I opened the windows upstairs, and I have seen her laying side by side with Athena in the window. I have even seen her grooming Keara (she is my blind kitty -my foster born without eyes that I just could not up). Sometimes Shelby seems to be just looking off into space. I really miss my old Shelby. She is eating okay, but now does not seem to like the k/d food, so I went back to fancy feast. I wish they could talk and let us know how they feel.

Karen

Karen, I'm glad to hear Shelby seems to have stabilized. I think it's a good sign that she is grooming your Keara & laying with Athena. I know how much you miss your "old" baby, though. I hope the bloodwork will have improved on Friday. And hey, if she wants Fancy Feast - let your have it! We did that with Niles. We felt like, if he was in his last days (if), then he should enjoy what he wanted and I know you already know that with kidney cats, eating is more important that what sometimes. You're in my thoughts.
-Donna

Hi, Karen, thanks so much for letting us know how your precious Shelby is doing. Oh I so do know what you mean about wishing we could understand what they say to us. We already know they understand what we say to them. I do so hope that the news you get about her blood tests show that the fluids are indeed helping her. CRF will make her appetite "fussy". A hint: If you would like her to eat some of the k/d you might add some of the Fancy Feast to it to give it some flavor and make it more appealing. The k / d is a very bland food - - to help make it more easily digestible and process through the body, including the kidneys. It's worth a try, and I hope it helps.

Karen, please know you and your Shelby are close in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon Beam

Thanks for the suggestion I will try mixing the k/d with the fancy feast and see if she will eat it.

Last night she woke us up at midnight "caterwauling" I went and got her and put her in the bed. She surprised me and stayed the rest of the night. I am not sure why she does that at night, but I did read on line that they sometimes to that when they get older.
She does seem a little bit more active lately. I am hoping we can go back to the every other day with the fluids after the weekly treatment is done. She has changed so much in the last two weeks. I am spending as much time as I can with her and she seems to be enjoying it a little bit more.

Karen

I took Shelby to my vet yesterday and she told me she is very anemic now. She took more blood and I will find out on Friday if her levels have gone down. Her creatinine level was at an 8.2 and BUN was 150, which is extremely high, so I am hoping with the sub-q fluids we have been giving her the have gone down. The anemia is very bad, so I am not sure there is anything that can help with that. I am trying to just take one day at a time and enjoy what time we have. She is still eating on her own, but just is not very social at all. I have to go upstairs to see her, she just do not come done on her own.

Karen, I hope her numbers have come down. It's really good that she's still eating on her own. Niles became anemic too. They did a blood test for him to determine if it was non-regenerative or regenerative. There isn't much they can do for non-regenerative and that's what he had. There is a medication but my vet felt in Niles' case that it would do more harm than good. The anemia is probably what's keeping Shelby from being social. They just feel so tired with that.
Keeping my fingers crossed for Shelby.....
-Donna

Hi, Karen, please know you and Shelby are in my thoughts and prayers and are waiting right along with you to get the results of Shelby's blood tests. Depending on the type of anemia she has perhaps a blood transfusion will help her through this bout of anemia. Your vet will be able to let you know for sure what your options are. And I'm glad that you found the suggestion about mixing her food helpful - - at least I hope it was helpful.

Karen, I just feel how worried you are about Shelby, and my heart goes out to you. Please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Shelby's blood work not good. The creatinine level was 8.2 went up to 8.6 (normal .6-2.4) this was after a week of 200 ml sub-q every other day and a week of 200ml sub-q everyday (if treatment was working the number would have gone down). My vet was not encouraging at all. Shelby is also very anemic, which at this point is causing her to eat the litter (this in itself if very disturbing - switch from clumping to clay). I am going to try the pet tinic (which I had to order online as I was unable to find in the pet store, so will have to wait to start) for the anemia. My vet said they do not do blood transfusion in this part of the country. DR K has always gone above and beyond in treatment, so I trust her judgement. Shelby is still eating and we will continue with the sub-q fluids. Dr K said Shelby has a nasty kidney disease which is very aggressive. She think Shelby probably only has a month (maybe less) left. I am trying not to give up, but it is hard. I feel like I am just waiting for her to die, when I should be focusing on the time we have left. I just can't imagine a life without her. I am constantly checking on her and it is all I can think about.

Thanks for listening.
Karen

Dear Karen, I am so o o o sorry that Shelby's lab report does not show an improvement. I truly am very sorry. My Samson, my mom's gift to me several years ago for my very first doggie child who was a mixed Lab / Border Collie, developed renal failure in his last months, and after a week at the veterinary school on IV fluids, when they took hiim off the fluids his numbers rocketed back up. I brought him home for the night to have one more night with him and the next day I took him to his primary care physician to end his suffering. So, yes, I do know what you are going through.

Of course your only thoughts and desires are to be with your precious Shelby and that is how it should be. Believe me, Karen, you will never be able to blame yourself for "giving up" on Shelby - - or any of your precious furkids. Your heart will not ever let you do that. What you are going through is having to come to "acceptance" that your precious Shelby's physical body is letting go of this side of eternity - - and is leaving you behind to carry on in her sweet memory. This is a very hard thing to cope with - - as each of us here knows that all too very well. So, please don't think of yourself as "giving up" on her.

There are no magic words that can take this painful part of your journey with your precious Shelby away. But I hope that you will find some comfort as you read this post in knowing you and Shelby are not alone, even though this is a journey only you and Shelby can travel. Please know you and Shelby are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and please do let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Karen, I'm so sorry about the bloodwork. I was hoping for you that there would be improvement. When I read your words about waiting for her to go, it brings back so many memories. Up until Niles' last day, we still had hope that maybe we could pull him through to a maintenance level. It was so hard because we didn't want to give up on him yet we didn't want to "waste" his last days trying heroics when we should be just loving on him. It was hard to know what to do. I was functionless during that time as well as when Frasier was sick. It was ALL I thought about. I was completely consumed. Every few minutes I would go check on them. I couldn't get anything done. I didn't feel like I should do anything I enjoyed while they were dying.
An unexpected hard thing was that after they died, I wrestled (and still do) with the guilt of feeling some relief (it's hard to even write that!). That battle rages on and on for me. I know my body needs the break of tension, grief, and anticipatory grief but it just feels so wrong to relax.
Your devotion to Shelby is working you too, I imagine. I hope you are able to get some rest. I'm glad to hear she is still eating. Please keep us posted.
-Donna

Thank you moon beam and Donna. Your words have be a great comfort to me. I am slowly coming to terms with Shelby's illness. I held her last night and told her "mommy will not let you suffer". She looked at me as if she understood. She is spending a lot of time in her box. She likes this box I had in the basement that she can sleep in, so I took it upstairs and put a blanket in it for her to lay on. Anthena lays on the blanket I put outside the box just beside Shelby - they used to sleep on the couch together. This morning Shelby was up and ready for breakfast. She crawled up on my lap and rubbed her face against mine. This is what made me fall in love with her when we first met in 1996. I volunteered for an animal shelter which took cats to Petsmart. We took Shelby and she rubbed her face against mine the whole day. She was home with me soon after that.

Donna, I know exactly how you felt (and still feel) as I am going through what you have discribed. I spend hours on the internet looking for ways to make Shelby feel better. If I have a good moment, I think how can I be happy with Shelby so sick. Then I think I need to just relax and enjoy the time we have. It is just such an emotional roller coaster. I check on Shelby all the time, as you did with your babies.

We take Shelby back next Tuesday for a recheck.

Karen

Karen, it sounds like Shelby is doing well at this point. I know you're coming to grips with the reality of the situation but I think it's really good that she was ready for breakfast this morning. I also think it's good that Anthena is laying next to her. Niles and Frasier pretty much had nothing to do with one another while they were really sick. Hang in there, you're getting some precious time with her now. You won't be sorry for the time you're spending with her even though it's taking such a toll on you.
-Donna

Hi Karen--

I too am sorry that Shelby's numbers do not look good. I know exactly what you are going through, as I watch my Ladywolf deteriorate every day, and check on her all the time, and have no idea, really, how much time we have left together. It is very difficult to enjoy the time you DO have when you are waiting...waiting...for that fateful time to come.

I try to enjoy Lady when she's in her best state--lying down or sitting up. That's when we play and tickle and cuddle, since she's not very stable on her feet anymore. She has her good and her bad days, and it sounds like Shelby does too. I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that I am getting to see Ladywolf live out her whole lifespan, instead of having something sudden and shocking happen to her. Through thick and thin--well, times are a bit thin right now for us, but I'm in it for the whole long haul, and obviously you are too.

Try, even now, to remember times was Shelby was happy and healthy. I now it's very hard to do--it's hard for me too--but it helps when I do.

My vet gave Lady about a month to live, I think. That was back in January...and she's still going strong.

Keep the faith, and big hugs!

Margi and the Wolf

Thanks Marg

Shelby had a bad night. She got sick 6 times. I think it was because she was a little constipated. My husband and I were having the conversation about taking her to the vet today. Shelby's vet only works part time, as she has started a family, so she is only available Tuesday, Friday and Saturday morning, so I really did not want to take her in. I gave her more Cisapride and she finally was able to relieve herself (1am), as you can see we were up a lot last night. This morning once again she was waiting upstairs for her breakfast, but this behavior is very different from the "norm" for her. She used to come downstairs and she never comes down anymore and I can not stop focusing on that. My husband says just go upstairs to see her, but I miss her sitting with me and watching TV. I went to check on her last night and Athena was laying in Shelby's box, so I had to get another one for her. Later I went up again and they were both laying in their boxes. They looked so cute.

I did go to the vets office yesterday to talk to her about adding phosphorus binders to her diet. I am going to give it a try to see if it will make her feel better. Dr K stated once again she could not believe the difference in her blood work in a six month period. We take her back next Tuesday and are thinking about getting an x-ray done. We will also check her blood work again. Dr K said we can increase the sub-q, so we are going to do that. I wish we were able to do the IV, but I trust my vet and she stated it would not help (plus Shelby will really stress if she was away from home). I am trying to leave it in God's hands, but it is hard - as you all know.

Thanks for listening.
Karen

Karen, I think you're doing the right thing by not pushing for the IV fluids. If anything happened to her while she was staying at the hospital, you wouldn't forgive yourself. Our vet never wanted to go the IV route for Niles either. I still think it's great that she's ready for her breakfast in the morning. With crf cats, that's a really good thing, as I'm sure you know by now. Try not to stress over her not coming downstairs. I know you miss her in your routines but I'm sure her anemia is playing a big role in her not wanting to go down those stairs especially since she knows she wouldn't be able to get back up them. Years ago we had a cat in kidney & liver failure & we asked our vet what he was feeling. He described it like how we feel when we have the flu. I'm sure she wants to be with you but it's just too much.
It's cute that they were sleeping in each other's boxes. Karen, I know you miss your baby. She's not how you used to know & love her. Believe me, I so truly know the feelings you're having and I'm so sorry for you. It's an awful "waiting" game that's just wrong on all levels. I wish there was a way to make it easier for you and her. Thanks for keeping us posted.
-Donna

Thanks Donna, I really can't tell you how much your support is helping me. Sometimes I just come on this site just to reread everyone's responses. It helps so much to know that people care and understand how I feel.

I found this site when I lost my Casey and it gave me comfort then, as it is doing now.

Karen

Dear karen

It's so good that Shelby looks forward to her breakfast and is finding where she's comfiest right now. I know it's so hard when behaviour in our darling pets changes, but you are doing everything possible for your dear fur baby. Please know that I am thinking of you and dear Shelby and sending hugs.
Love Jan x

Thanks Jan - I am hoping when I start Shelby on the Pet-tinic she will feel a little better and move around more. I am very grateful Shelby is still eating.

Donna I glad you mentioned about your vet not wanting to do the IV either. For some reason I had it stuck in my head that we should be doing the IV, in the hopes that it would make Shelby feel better.

Karen

Hi, Karen, just checking in with you to get caught up on how things are going for you and Shelby. Adding my 2 cents about the IV's - - the vet offered giving Abbygayle IV treatments for a couple of days to see how she would do, but I declined that because it was obvious the sub-q's were not working and I didn't want my baby girl's last hours in a hospital when it was obvious she was ready to go home to the angels.

You do have to be careful with IV treatments because there are pros and cons to every treatment. In a different situation I have known a "worst case" scenario with IV treatments for my Eli. It's good that you have good communication with your vet.

It's wonderful that Shelby still has a good appetite. But I so do understand how you're feeling about the changes in your routines with her. It's not so much the change in routine - - but the reason why the changes are happening. I am so sorry you and Shelby are having to go through this. I, too, will look forward to knowing how your next vet appointment goes and the results of Shelby's tests.

Karen, please know you and Shelby are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Shelby had an okay weekend. She was sick on Saturday morning, but later seemed to feel better. She stayed out of her box for most of the weekend and even came downstairs and sat on the back of the couch with me - mostly slept but seemed comfortable(both Saturday and Sunday). We were in the basement on Sunday and much to our surprise Shelby came down to see us. She also came sailing down the steps this morning (she seems to run - she did not do this before, so I not sure what is up with that), She did not seem interested in eating much at all this morning, which has me worried. When they said CRF is an emotional roller coaster they were not kidding. Shelby does look like she is lossing weight, even though she has been eating. We take her tomorrow to the vet, but once again will not get the test results until Friday. My vet may do an xray - we have not had one done yet. Sometimes I feel so tired, I just cannot seem to relax and just enjoy our time together. I keep searching for something to make Shelby better.

Karen

Karen, Shelby sounds really good. I think you should be encouraged about her coming to see you a couple of times. I know you've struggled with missing her doing that. I hope everything goes ok at the vet.
I know what you mean about the roller coaster and not being able to enjoy her. I wish I had advice for you on that, but I don't. I was so consumed with their dying that I couldn't enjoy their living even before they got sick because I knew they were getting older. Then when they got sick, it was over for me. I was completely devoured by it! All I can say is that when she does leave you (and hopefully that will be a long time from now), expect to have some really weird feelings. Your body is so tense for so long, it will take awhile to "relax" and when you do, you'll probably feel guilty for it. There's alot of "noise" in your head right now as you obsess over taking care of her. There's so much to watch for and listen for and to anticipate and dread. That makes alot of noise. When it stops, it's sort of like hitting a brick wall. At least, that's what it was like for me. I wish someone could've told me that ahead of time because my husband and I really struggled with the quiet in the house even though they weren't noisy babies.
Anyway, (I talk too much!), I hope things continue to go well for Shelby. My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for updating us on Shelby. It sounds like she's "holding her own" right now. Unfortunately weight loss is a part of CRF even though Shelby is still eating. Her body is just not able to store the calories because all the nourishment is going to sustain body function.

And of course you are exhausted - - you're using a lot of adrenalin to keep "going" - - to be alert to Shelby's needs. And Donna is so right - - the silence in the home in the absence of a precious fur child is deafening. Even though they may not be "talkers", they still have an "energy" that is part of the household, and when that "energy" is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - it changes the whole dynamics of the household. It's a part of the major adjustment.

I hope that Shelby's check up will go okay tomorrow. Please know you and Shelby are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and I will look forward to knowing how things go, and the results of Shelby's tests.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Nothing much to report from our vet visit. When we arrived this man and women where walking out of the vets office in tears, my heart just sank. I wanted to give her a hug and let her know I cared. It is so difficult to see people in such pain. In the back of my mind I knew that someday we will be going through the same thing. I am trying not to think about it much, but it is always there.

We had xrays done and DR K thought she may have seen a possible stone, but it is in a location where they can not do anything about it. It may be a scar from when she had a stone removed in 2008. She was going to compare the two xrays. I was excited for only a moment thinking if it was another stone then Shelby would have a chance. Dr K said it could be the reason her kidneys are failing. She may want to get another xray, as there was some stool in the way and she could not see both kidneys. Dr K as been great through this whole thing. Shelby lost 2 ounces in the two weeks. This morning she did not eat much at all, but I fed her at 11:30 last night and she did eat some. The vet was unable to get blood for the test, her veins would collapse when she tried and she did not want to poke her anymore. So we will try for another blood test in two weeks to see if the sub-q are helping. Dr K said you would never know how sick she is, by the way she looks. She was even giving Dr K some loving. Shelby is such a sweet girl, I am very lucky to have her in my life. Each one of my pets are special in their own way and I love them all dearly.

Karen

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for letting us know how the vet visit went. I am so glad that Shelby is doing better than what the illness usually displays. This is very comforting to both you and Shelby. The next time you take Shelby in you might ask if they can put some type of a shunt or "easy access" in the vein once they get one so that they don't have to do the "probing" again. Unfortunately as I'm writing to you I can't think of the "technical" name for this but I think you can get my "drift" from the description - - or perhaps one of our other fabulous correspondents can think of the name and put it in their post - - sorry my memory is elusive at the moment. Whatever the name it will make life much easier for both Shelby and the vet / vet techs.

Please know you and Shelby are close in my thoughts and prayers, Karen, and please keep us posted as to how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Shelby has taken a turn for the worse since I last posted. She is hardly eating at all. I try to hand feed her, but she hates it. She just lays on the back of the couch and looks so sad. I just got her some pet-tinic. Some people say that helps with their appetite. The vet said she can give her an appetite stimulus, but if that does not work, we are going to consider letting her go. I just can't bear watching her dwindle away to nothing. She hardly looks up when I talk to her. She sat on my lap for a while after her sub-q fluid last night and rubbed her head against mine, but other than that she just seems to want to be left alone. I found her in the middle of the night just sitting behind the console TV. I looked all over for her and finally found her. I thinking that maybe since she could not get blood, her anemia is a lot worse (she is still eating litter also). Shelby also has a heart murmur, so I am afraid she will suffer a heart attack too. It is just a heartbreaking time. In my heart I just don't want to let go, but my head is telling me it may be time. It is a hard decision to make, so I am counting on my vet to guide me. She was doing so well on Sunday, I can not believe how she has changed in just a few days. I am not totaling giving up hope, but I am trying to be realistic.

Thanks for being here for me.
Karen

Karen, I'm at work so I'll have to be brief. I am so very sorry about this sad change in Shelby. It doesn't sound good, does it? If I was still in Niles' last days, I could have written your same post this morning. Shelby is acting exactly the way Niles did. Shelby got behind the console & Niles got behind the toilet. I pray this will be an "easy" thing, if you know what I mean.
When Niles would look at me on his last day & through his last night, it was as if he was looking through me. There wasn't a whole lot of focus in his eyes. I knew he was miserable.
I'll try to write more later but please let me know if you want me to tell you details about his passing or not. I don't want to sound like I think Shelby is leaving you yet but I just remember how much I needed someone during that time to talk to me about what I was seeing.
My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

Donna

Thanks so much for your post. You can share you thoughts about Niles and his journey. I am going to stop at the vets office and get some a/d to see if Shelbywill eat that. I know we are getting close to the end, it just makes my stomach flip to even say that. I can not stand by and see her suffer though. It is hard too because we both work all day and we don't know what is going on with her when we are not there. I am afraid she may pass and be all alone. I did not want it to end like this, it is almost too much for me. I just don't want to let go of her.

Karen

Dear Karen--

I am so, so sorry that Shelby has taken a turn for the worse. She sounds like a very sick kitty now. I know that you don't want to let go of her--none of us ever want to let go of our beloveds--but you must take her level of discomfort into consideration, and that can be very hard to do. I'm sure that you will make the right decision(s) when the time comes. Often, taking away our pet's suffering is the ultimate act of kindness that we can perform for them, as hard as that may be...

Shelby is relying on you to take are of her needs, ALL of her needs. You've done a fantastic job of nursing her throughout this difficult time, and she knows that. She probably wouldn't still be alive if you hadn't given her such great care. Making that final decision is fantastically difficult--we all know that it is, because most of us have been there. I'm praying for you that she might just slip away peacefully in her sleep, and she might...but she may not, either. Whatever winds up happening, remind yourself about what great nursing you have done for her. And once you make a decision, don't second-guess yourself then. When it's her time, you will know that, and for sure.

My heart weeps for you for being in this situation. It is SO painful--I am so sorry that you are having to cope with this agony. You and Shelby are in my prayers, along with all of us who have lost or are losing our beloveds. We who post on this Forum are some of the most senstive people on the face of this Earth. That makes us great people, who hurt even more than many other people do, because we really CARE!

Big, big hugs to you, from
Margi and Ladywolf (who is slowly dying of cancer right now...)

Karen, I know about the stomach flipping! As I've said before, even though I had to go to work, I was consumed with Frasier and Niles when they were sick. I'm such a worrier. I watched every little thing. My vet (who is a wonderful friend) told me that because I was so in tune with both of them that their deaths effected me more. Every step of their dying was a part of me. So, I can understand where you are right now. Those boys were my everything.
I hated having to be gone from them all day, like you said. Each evening when we got home we would walk faster and faster to the door in hopes to see some encouragement. My husband and I carpool and we would talk about what we were hoping for or expecting each evening on the way home. In the last week, it seemed each day there was a little more disappointment to find. I also feared that Niles might pass when I wasn't there. I just prayed and prayed that if that happened that he would appear as though he passed in his sleep with no struggle. I said many times that if there was evidence of struggle, I wouldn't be able to handle that. In the end, I had to witness the struggle so I don't know what is worse.
Karen, I know you don't want to let go of her. Watching her go through this must feel like she is slowing being pulled from your body. I just felt like (as weird as it sounds) that they were sewn to me and I could feel them being pulled. That feeling repeated itself so much and was so strong in the first few days after each one died - especially with Frasier because he was the first one for me to lose.
I have little cement cats on their graves and we've planted plants on the graves. It's amazing how much comfort I've gotten from those little statues and those plants growing. Frasier's is the only one we've planted so far but it is growing and beginning to bloom. Each day, I talk to him about being excited for him. It's silly, but whatever works, you know?
I'll check in with you later. I hope Shelby is doing some better when you get home today.
-Donna

Hi, Karen, I am so sorry about the sudden events with Shelby. I also know what you mean about not being able to "believe" the sudden change, for that was the same way with my Abbygayle even though her situation was cancer. When neither of the appetite stimulants worked, and she began fighting me even with the syringe feeding, and I looked at her and saw how miserable she was I could not let her starve to death. I am so sorry that you and Shelby are at this point in your journey. Trying the a/d is a good idea, and I hope with all my heart that it helps.

Karen, please know you and Shelby are close in my thoughts and prayers, and please keep us posted as to how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

We had to say goodbye to Shelby this evening. When we came home from work and we noticed she had labored breathing. We called the vet's office right away and took her in. They did an xray and her chest was filling with fluid. We just had an xray done on Tuesday and she was fine, so we were shocked. The vet said she was going into congestive heart failure. We wondered if it was due to the sub-q fluids we were doing, but the vet did not think so. He could have drain the fluid, but there was no guarantee it would not come back. The fluid was pushing on her lungs and she would not be able to breath. We wanted her to go peacefully. They gave her the shot to relax her and brought her to me wrapped in a blanket. My husband was too upset and could not stay, but I stayed by myself and told her how much I loved her and will miss her. I can't believe she is gone. I knew this day was coming, but I just wasn't ready for it (when are we?). I feel so empty inside, cannot stop crying. I know we did the right thing, but it hurts so much. I know it wil get easier with time, as it did with Casey, but I take little comfort in that now.

I wanted to thank everyone for being there for me during this difficult time.

God bless each and everyone of you and your little fur-babies.

Karen

Oh Karen, I am so very very sorry. I gasped when I read your post and am crying as I write this to you. I am just so sorry.
Even though Frasier's condition was different from Shelby & Niles, he also filled with fluid due to congestive heart failure (his kidneys had already quit) and we had to move quickly to put him to sleep. Niles also began to have fluid in his abdomen and we knew his heart had become involved as well. He died hours later.
Karen, I know exactly where you are wondering about the fluids. I wondered that about mine. I kept thinking, what if......
I'm glad your vet was able to reassure you.
I don't want to write too much right now as I know you're reeling from this blow and can't process much, if anything. It breaks my heart to think of your exhaustion and how the grief of these next hours will not care that you are exhausted. Let yourself feel whatever comes and know that it's ok to feel it. Post when you can, please. You were a good mommy to her and she knew it! Your love for her was so obvious to everyone on this post, so I'm sure she felt it beyond what you can know.
-Donna

Oh Karen, me too--I was shocked when I saw your posting--though not too surprised, if that makes any sense. I am so, so sorry for your loss of your precious Shelby. What a battle she waged, and you waged for her and with her. You were a terrific mommy to that little darling--and don't waste a minute thinking that you did anything wrong, because you DIDN'T!

As Donna said, I am sure you are totally exhausted by now, feeling depleted on every level. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself--eat well, try to sleep deeply, and KEEP BREATHING. This is a crushing blow, I know, and I feel so sad to think that you are having to endure all the grief now.
Try to take it easy on yourself, as best you can. Shelby wouldn't want it any other way.

All love to you--

Margi and Ladywolf