Dear Karen

I was so sad to read your posting. Your darling Shelby is free from her suffering now and at peace, she knows how much you love her, and that you did everything you could to help her.
Please know that I am thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Thank your all for your kind words. I spoke with my regular vet this morning. She called me when she heard about Shelby. She was also shocked that Shelby took such a turn for the worst so fast, as Tuesday's xray was fine. I am going through the what if's today. My vet said if they treated her with medication for the fluids in her chest, it would have put more strain on her already failing kidneys. She said she has had clients that did that and brought there cats back in every other day. I guess once they treat for the fluids in the chest, then the cats needs more sub-q's for the kidneys and it goes back a forth until the owners are ready to let go. I know I would not have wanted to put Shelby through that, but I understand people who have to do it until they are ready. As you all have felt I just feel empty inside and right now I am having trouble coping. Even though I have had 3 vets tell me I did the right thing, I still somehow doubt myself.

Karen

Hey Karen. You know the what if's are just part of the process. Be kind to yourself. You know in your heart that you did everything for Shelby based on the information you had at the time each decision was demanded. You did the right things every step of the way, I feel. You certainly did more than alot of people would have. But, I know none of that helps when you're faced with the fact that given everything, she is still gone.
Don't second-guess yourself about that medication. For what it's worth, here's what happened to Frasier. I think I mentioned yesterday that his kidneys had completely quit when we knew his heart was involved. But the actual chain of events was that his kidneys were completely normal before and during his fluid accumulation. His original problem was megacolon and inflammatory bowel disease. His abdomen started to swell and our vet suspected his heart. We weren't going to go the route of an ultrasound to verify. We didn't have time - we had to get that fluid out of there regardless of why it was accumulating at that point. We started that medication your vet is talking about. Within about 72 hours of starting it, there was no evidence it was working. We upped the dose and 72 hours later, his kidneys stopped. We knew that the drug would be hard on his kidneys but since they had tested completely normal prior to starting it, I thought we might have a chance. No. It destroyed his kidneys that fast. It was then we had to make that awful decision. He was hours away from getting into a crisis as I'm sure Shelby was too. So, you saved her from that. I saved him from that and it is that fact alone that gives me any peace about his passing at all. The ironic thing in Frasier's case is that it is very likely that the medication for his megacolon is what made him have heart problems. It was a snowball effect. Every step, every decision in his "best interest" ultimately killed him. And my husband and I had to make those decisions including the final one. We decided. We decided! I understand your struggle with your decision. I know it just doesn't ever feel right even when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is right. To say, "take his/her life"! It's so awful. I know, Karen. I know.
I'm sending hugs your way today. I hope you will be able to get some sleep (I won't say rest because I know you're not resting, are you?).
-Donna

Thanks Donna so much for sharing Frasiers storey. In a strange way hearing it makes more sense with Shelby situation (and the decision we made). I was having my doubts after Dr K mentioned the treatment (they did not really tells us about it last night). They told us they could drain the fluid, but we would have to take Shelby to a heart specialist, but we would still be dealing the the CRF. We knew that after a full week of sub-q's her number did not go down, but went up so the kidney failure was very bad (my vet told me 3 months at the most - I know they don't know for sure, but I think Doctors have a pretty good idea). Shelby has always had a heart murmur and as you know we had her on the lactulose and cisapride too. She also had a kidney stone some time back that had to surgically removed. Since Frasier kidneys were fine, I am sure Shelby's as bad as they were would not have been able to handle the medication. I feel you and I have a special bond, as our cats journeys were much the same and I have the same feeling you have expressed. I also think we are very lucky to have husbands that share our feelings. It has really been a hard day, I can hardly keep focus on my work. I just don't feel interested in much of anything right now. My mind just will not stop going over it and trying to understand how things could have changed in two days.

Hi, Karen, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in your loss of Shelby. Oh how well I understand your feelings of shock and disbelief at how sudden things can get so very bad and that THE decision has to be made in the deepest love of your heart - - at great sacrifice and grief to you. There are no adequate words that can express to you the deepest sympathy that is in my heart for you, but please know you are close in my thougts and prayers. There are all kinds of "medical" and "logical" explanations as to why you made the best decision for your precious Shelby, but right now they don't come close to comforting your broken, grieving heart. Hopefully in time they will help you to know - - in those moments of lingering doubts and healing grief - - that you truly did the very best for your Shelby at all times and in all circumstances - - especially and including at the hardest moment of your journey together on this side of eternity.

Again, Karen, please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I had a really hard day today, but I wanted to try to post some pictures of my Shelby and Casey. I am not very good with computers, so I hope it works. Shelby is the black kitty and Casey is the my beautiful boy (my first kitty ever).

Karen

Beautiful. Beautiful pictures. Your sweet babies!

I'm sorry you've had a bad day. Some are definitely worse than others, aren't they? I still get hit out the blue - sometimes it reduces me to tears and sometimes just a sigh. I've been so strong at work through both ordeals but the other day the song that kept running through my head during Niles' last night came on the radio and I burst into tears and I had to run to the bathroom! I was embarrassed. The next time the song came on, one of my co-workers got up and turned down the volume. That was nice.

I hope tomorrow is better for you. You mentioned the what if's on someone else's post. I'm the biggest what if person I know so I hope it means something to you when I say that I truly truly believe you did everything right. I know it's easier for me to say because I'm talking about someone else's situation and not my own but it's my own situation that makes me so sure about yours. (Make sense?) During Shelby's journey, your posts mirrored Niles' journey. I was afraid for you and her but her appetite was way better than Niles' was so I had hope too. Your descriptions of her from day-to-day were like pin pricks in my heart - it was all so fresh for me. You tried, you really did. We both have to face that our babies were getting older and nothing can stop that. We couldn't restore their age. Sometimes in all the noise in my head of "we should've done this, tried that, waited for this, noticed that", I forget that he was 15. Even though I had visions of him making it to 17 or 18, I knew that 15 was getting up there. You're probably gonna beat yourself up off and on like I do for awhile. But maybe it helps to hear someone else say that even if you had done all the what if's, the end result would have been the same. I don't believe that things this big happen for no meaning. There's meaning in the timing of their deaths - somewhere. When the what if's get really bad, I try to tell myself to at least give my babies their due importance. They didn't die in vain.
I hate this for you. I hate this for me. If you read this tonight, I hope you are able to get some much needed rest tonight (don't know your time zone). If you read this tomorrow, then I hope you get rest tomorrow
-Donna

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for sharing pictures of your beautiful babies. I can't think of anything better to add to Donna's post except to reinforce the very true fact that you did EVERYTHING you possibly could for your precious Shelby - - including the most difficult and heart wrenching last act of love humanly and humanely possible. This grief journey is very hard. Each of us have shared Shelby's and your journey, and we continue to walk beside you now, Karen, ready to hold you up and give you both our individual and collective strength and comfort and encouragement through the coming days and weeks and months - - for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you again, Karen, for sharing your beautiful babies with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Karen--

From me too, thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of your babies. Donna and Moon Beam said so much that was important to hear. I know that with Ladywolf, I keep thinking that I should be doing more than just giving her a simple pain pill (aspirin and Naprosyn) and waiting for her to get "worse," but then I too remind myself that she is 15 years old, which makes for an old, old wolfdog--no spring chicken, for sure. I feel like I should be seeing the vet weekly, stuff like that--but she is OLD and she would likely be dying of SOMETHING right now if not the tumors on her leg.

You took wonderful care of Shelby, that is clear. You did all for her that you could have.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Big Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

Hi,

The weekend was very difficult for me. I spent most of the time sleeping (and when not sleeping crying), as it was the only way I could keep from going over and over those last moments with Shelby. I have a habit of trying to &%^yze things in my mind until I can make sense of it all. My husband mentioned to me this past winter that Shelby drinks a lot of water, I just thought that is a good thing drinking water. He also said she seemed to be losing weight, which I thougt was due to trying to feed her mostly canned food and her getting older. I was looking back at her old records and in August she was at 13 pounds and she was down to 10.3, so I feel guilty about the weight loss, as I know that is important. So I am going through a lot of the "what if's", what if I would have taken her in Jan for more bloodwork and discovered the failing kidneys sooner. My family tell me she was 14 years old (maybe even older as I adopted her as an adult from the animal shelter I volunteered for), but I just did not see her as an old cat at all. I miss her sitting on my lap and rubbing her face against mine. I feel so empty inside. I have two other cats, but Anthena is a semi-feral cat and does not like to be held at all and Keara is young and just wants to play. My Lily could tell mommy was sad and layed on the floor next to me. She is a wonderful dog and stays by my side, but at this point I just don't even take comfort in knowing they are still with me. My head tells me to just go on with life, but my heart just is not into it. I am very glad to have you all as friends and I hope you don't mind me going over and over the same things. It helps to just get it out.

Karen

Karen, I think you and I might have been twins separated at birth! I hash and rehash everything in my life to the extreme. I don't make decisions quickly. I understand you going over it in your head - I think it's just part of your brain comprehending something so awful.
And you can go over and over it on here all you want. It's ok.
Our dog, Buck, is in compensated renal failure which we found out March '09. I also noticed him drinking more than normal and I tried to tell my husband about it but because I worry about every little thing, he dismissed it as me obsessing. That's the bad thing about being the way you and I are. We did at least catch his kidneys in time to bring the numbers down. But I felt guilty nonetheless. So, I get it that you're kicking yourself but as you said before, Shelby had several things stacked against her just like Niles and Frasier did. I think we were fighting a losing battle from the beginning but a battle we had to fight anyway. And you did fight it no matter when you joined the battle. You fought hard for her!
Your comments about her losing weight and how you figured it was the change in food is exactly what I did with Niles. Looking back, I should have taken him to the vet back in November of last year but because we had taken him in in July and his bloodwork was that of a 2-year old cat, we tried not worry. Again, my worrying nature worked against me. On the one hand, if I had listened to my worrying brain, I would've taken him in but because I tried to calm myself down by reminding myself about the need to stop worrying, I didn't take him in. And now he's gone. I don't know. This is not a fun boat to be in.
Also, when Frasier died, I completely disconnected from Niles for about a week or so. I couldn't even bring myself to feed him or love on him. I had the weirdest feelings towards him. I felt guilty about it but I couldn't change it. It did go away, thankfully. So, I think it's normal what you are going through with your other babies. You had Shelby a long time and it's gonna take a long time to let her go. I'm not there yet either. I still can't believe mine are gone and look how long it's been! They were my sons.
I'm so sorry for you. I hope today will be better.
-Donna (I didn't have to proofread this post so forgive me if anything is wrong)

My precious Shelby I miss you so much. I could hardly sleep again last night just tossing and turning. I just can not come to terms with losing you. I feel so much like I let you and Casey down. This has brought up so many feelings about Casey too. I know there was nothing we could do. We would have done anything to save you both. It is so hard to go around the house and not see you laying in your favorite places. Sometimes I feel that I will never be happy again.

Donna
I read your post about Frasier and Niles (I share your pain and sorrow) - you are right we are so much alike it is scary.

Today is a bad day, for some reason I can not get the image of the girl from the vets office bringing Shelby to me in the blanket. She looked so wide eyed, as if she was wondering what was happening. I just can not get that "look" out of my mind. I feel I was always able to make things better for her and I could not this time. It just makes me sick to my stomach. The vet said she went peacefully, but the look on her face. I wanted to just be able to take her home.

Karen, I'm sorry you're having a hard time today. You mentioned that you would've done anything for Casey and Shelby. I wrote to Niles the same thing and that I would have done his dying for him if I could have. I know you feel the same way. I'm haunted and tortured by his last moments - his last 24 hours, really. But those last moments! I try really hard to block the memories. But they poke at me at times too much to ignore. I don't think I have yet let myself completely go there with grief about those last moments. I don't usually shut out stuff like that but this time.....
I knew he should have been put to sleep the afternoon before he died. My husband wouldn't let me take him in because he was adamant that we do it at home and our vet couldn't come to our house until the next day. I knew it was wrong! He died early the next morning in my husband's arms. I "slept" on the floor in the room with him. I watched him all night long. At one point he rustled around and struggled to get out of his bed. I got my husband to come help me. Niles just needed to get in the litter box so my husband held him over the litter while he went to the bathroom. A couple of hours later I was awakened after having a bad dream about Buck. It was some sort of message because Niles was beginning to rustle around again. I went to get my husband again just to come lay on the floor with me. About 2 minutes later, I knew it was beginning to happen. My husband got up and bent over Niles to put his arms around the little bed. Niles began to gasp and then made these horrible sounds (I can't let myself hear them). I sat on my knees wringing my hands and begging God to take him. Just stop those sounds! My husband kissed him and he was gone. My little king deserved it to be more peaceful than that. He deserved for me to make his passing easy and I didn't. I know it could've been alot worse but it didn't feel that way in those moments. What was he thinking during those moments? Was he hurting? When he looked blankly at me during the night, did he wonder why wasn't I doing something like I'd always done? We had such a connection, such a bond, and I let him down.
You didn't ask me for all this stuff and this is your time but I just wanted you to know that I really do understand your feelings about her expression when they brought her to you. I understand you feeling like you let them down. We weren't done being their mommies. I'm sorry, Karen. I hope you sleep better tonight.

Donna, thank you for sharing your storey. It is not easy no matter what the circumstances. You and your husband were there for Niles. He was home in your hubands arms when God called him home, as Shelby was in mine. I know they are at peace now and we will see them again someday.

Take care,
Karen

Hi, Karen, I just want to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I read your post to Donna about wishing you had been able to catch Casey's cancer sooner, and I can understand how you're feeling about that. Late May - - just before the Memorial Day holiday - - will be a year since I had a very dangerous bout of bronchitis that layed me flat in bed out of work for several days and barely able to take care of my furkids - - my tribe of 4 at that time. Abbygayle would always cuddle close to me, and it was during this time that I noticed a small pea size "something" on her left hip. It wasn't hard - - very soft and plyable - - was not "connected" to anything - - seemed to be limited to under the skin. So, I wasn't too worried about it, and at that time there wasn't much I could do for being so sick. When I did go back to work I was very exhausted when I got home and had just enough energy to take care of my furkids and whatever absolutely needed to get done, that I didn't take my little girl into the vet. By the last of June the innocuous pea size "something" had mushroomed into a softball size "something" on her hip, and Noah was now sniffing her hip. I had to wait until after the July 4 holiday, and then I took her into the vet. Upon the initial examination the vet thought it was a cyst just under the skin - - like a Ganglion cyst. But upon further examination of aspirated cells and biopsy and pathology reports, it turned out to be Stage III Fibrosarcoma - - the highest and fatal stage of cancer.

You can imagine how I wonder how things would have turned out if I had been able to take my precious girl into the doctor sooner, if I had not been so ill I would have taken her - - if I had not been so weak for so long after the "initial" recovery - - I would have taken my precious girl into the vet much sooner. Because I was so weak for so long after the bronchitis a friend of mine had to come mow my lawn because it was getting so out of hand - - I didn't have the strength to do it myself.

I asked the vet several times during Abbygayle's surgeries if things would have been different if I had brought her in sooner, and each time the vet has told me "no." The vet doesn't know the reason why I couldn't bring my baby girl in sooner, so she isn't saying that out of "kindness."

We can only do what we can as best we can under the circumstances at the time. I am grateful for the 9 months that our vet was able to give to Abbygayle - - -that my illness did not prompt the need for an "immediate decision." But sometimes, like now, my heart and eyes well with tears and wish that things could have been different - that my precious baby girl did not have wait so long for me to be able to get her medical attention.

So I hope you know, Karen, that my heart shares your sorrow and reaches out to you to try to bring some comfort in your journey. Each day is different in what this grief journey will present to us, the different emotions and "haunting" liingering moments of our last moments - - and "what if, only if" wishes - - with our precious beloved companions. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank your moon beam for sharing your storey about Abbygale's journey. I know it is hard to tell when our little babies are sick, my vet told me they hide their illness. At this point, this gives me little comfort. I think with the passing of Shelby, it has stirred up my feelings for Casey too. It is very hard. I try to keep it together at work, but my mind just keeps going. It will be one week today and I sit here thinking was Shelby at home last Thursday suffering? When I got home from work she was laying on the couch and looked at me when I opened the cupboard to get out the food. I sometimes wish we would have had the fluid drained off, so I could have more time with her, but I know that would have been selfish on my part. I do a lot of "what if's" but all the "what if's" will not change what is. I just feel so guilty about how things ended for both Casey and Shelby. I feel I missed (or did not want to see) all the signs that they were not well. I really have a hard time dealing with loss, even thought I truly beleave they are in heaven now with God and I will see them once more.

Karen

Shelby I will write to you later. I miss you more than words can say - my million dollar kitty.

Love always - Mommy

Dear Shelby,

I has been one week today since we had to say goodbye. My heart is just breaking, I feel so empty still. I feel so guilty that I did not take you to the vet sooner. As I look back, I know there were signs that something was not right. I feel as though I failed you and Casey. I will have to live with that. I love you both so much. I miss the way you used to get on my lap while I was trying to work on a project or look at the sale ads. I miss laying on the couch with you in the evening watching TV. I miss how you used to poke you paw at my face while I was trying to sleep. I miss you rubbing you face against mine...I JUST MISS YOU! You were such a gentle natured cat, so loving. You opened your heart to Keara, who needed you. You cuddled with Casey and Anthena. Sometimes I just think I can not go on without you. I was not ready to let you go. I pray I did not make you suffer, because I was not ready to let you go. I wish we could have had one more night together, so I could have held you all night long. I did not know when we took you to the vets office, you would not be coming back home again. I have cried so many tears for you, just when I think I don't have anymore they come flooding again. I know you were not well. You are now free of pain and happy once more. You, Casey, Maggie and Tawney are all reunited again. We all shared wonderful times together and will again someday. Until then, be happy.

Love
Mommy

Hi Everyone,

It has been a really hard day for me, I am not sure why. Yesterday was pretty good. I went to Bally's with my sister and then went to lunch with my other sister and had a very nice conversation with her. I was starting to think, maybe I would be okay and things were going to get better. This morning we took my mom out to breakfast and later did a little shopping. When we got home for no reason at all I lost it and cried. I just feel I will never get over this loss. Shelby was my special girl. I remember like it was yesterday the day we meet. I was volunteering at the shelter and we took cats to Pets Mart on Saturday. We took Shelby one Saturday and everytime I would open the cage she would rub her face against mine. Within a week or two after that she was mine. My husband would always tell me, "that cat loves you like no other". Sometimes I just don't know how I am going to go on without her. I can not seem get to the point where I can accept she is gone. I just don't want it to be true.

Shelby, I miss you so much, life with never be the same now that you are gone. I wish we could have had many more years together. I was not ready to say goodbye to you - I would never had been ready.

Love alway, mommy.

Karen

Karen, thank you for replying to my post about yesterday and for thinking of me today. I was thinking about all the furbaby mommies today and trying not to get on the forum. So much for that. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I figured most of us would, being Mother's Day. You know, up until recently whenever I would go out for a little while whether it be to a birthday party or shopping or whatever, I would suddenly begin to feel the weight of sadness come over me. Then I would tell my husband, it was time to go home. I just couldn't be away from home for very long before I needed to return to my thoughts. Also up until recently, I would have sort of breakdown moments when I'd get home from work. When I'd wonder why, my husband would tell me it was because all day at work I'm "on stage" and have to be happy and friendly with patients. But the feelings of my personal life were still there just underneath the surface and would have to come out when I was off stage. I know he was right.
My reason for telling you that is because I think what you're going through is normal and while I never thought I'd get better, I now realize after reading your post that I haven't had that many moments lately. (with the exception of yesterday at Petsmart!) We still talk about the boys on our way home from work each day and I shed at least one tear but I don't break down as often, I guess.
Also, what your husband said about Shelby and you is exactly what my husband would say about Niles and me. Go figure! He would look at Niles looking at me and say, "Man, he loves his mommy!" It made me feel so good. That cat and I could stare at each other for hours if I could last that long. In fact, he got very sick 3 1/2 years ago and we were told based on the ultrasound that he had intestinal cancer and would die within 2 months. I "made a pact" with him that he would stay with me forever. I knew, of course, that it couldn't be but he did get better so part of me believed.
I know you're missing Shelby and Casey today. I wish I could make it go away for all of us.
The thing I don't understand about my own grieving process is how many times I still feel the way you said you're feeling. Like I'm in denial that I still can't believe they're gone. Shelby hasn't been gone that long so I think it's normal for where you're at but why am I still there? When they were sick, minutes seemed like hours but now I look back and think, "Wait a minute! What happened? Shouldn't we still be trying to figure out what's wrong with them? I need more time to figure it out!" I'm still stunned, really stunned, when I think about how soon it was after Frasier's death that Niles got sick. It's like all of the sudden, their lives became sand in my hands.
I'm sorry, I've turned this into being about me! I didn't mean to. I just meant to let you know that I'm feeling the same you are. I hope tomorrow is better for you. Given your connection with Shelby, I'm sure she's wishing you a happy Mommy's day and rubbing your face. And if you're crying right now, it's ok to cry.
-Donna

Hi, Karen, I am so sorry that yesterday was a difficult day for you. I'm not really sure we ever really do "accept" the fact that our furkids depart this side of eternity before we do. I think the only thing we can do is to take one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other, and dedicate our lives to giving honor to what we share with our beloved companions during our journey together on this side of eternity. I still have moments of deep sadness over the loss of my furkids from many years ago, so I don't think the goal can ever be to "move on" or "get on" with our lives "without" our precious furkids. To do that would mean, in my opinion, that they never existed in the first place - - how cruel that is to even suggest it. But you know something - - there are some stupid people who even say that when one is grieving the loss of a human family member or friend.

I don't think it is ever possible to "move on" from the physical absence of a loved one from our hearts and memories - - whatever the life form. Instead, we carry them with us and in so doing this keeps them alive through us.

So, Karen, I hope this helps you, and everyone who reads this post to you. Embrace the memories you cherish of your precious Casey and Shelby. They are still very much a part of you - - and always will be. The old adage, "Out of sight, out of mind" does NOT apply to our beloved companions - - EVER!!

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Karen,
I feel your immense emotional pain about the love you shared with your baby. Memories fill us with such joy, only to be crushed with a violent image of our pet crashing or failing and finally leaving us. It's very tough to go through the roller coaster of emotions, but allow yourself to feel them. I often times wrap myself in Cleo's blankets and I still refuse to wash them. Being wrapped up in them, I feel safe and comforted by Cleo. Shelby is still with you. Her spirit is looking over you and wishing you peace.

I hope you find peace and comfort today,
Christine

The vets office called me today to let me know Sheby's remains are back. I don't know why but I am unable to pick them up, my husband will do it for me. I remember with Casey once they were home I got a little sensse of relief, thinking he is back home again. Hopefully I will feel the same when Shelby is home. It is so hard to go upstairs and see Athena all alone (it makes me sad and I wonder what she is thinking - she does come downstairs some). Keara goes upstairs too, but for some reason Athena does not like her at all. I miss seeing the three litter boxes, the three bowls, the three of them (Casey, Shelby and Athena) all upstairs looking out the windows or just hanging out.

One of the post I received made me really start to think about why I was feeling so angry. I thought about it and came to conclusion that I was angry because of curve we were given when she developed the fluid in her chest. I was thinking we could fight the CRF and Shelby would be one of the "lucky ones" that could survive for a couple of years having the CRF under control. I know that was just under the disillusionment that I could make her "all better", when the truth of the matter is I could not. We had gone through a kidney stone operation back in 2007 and she has had bowel issues for about a year that we had under control, so I thought this was one more hurdle to overcome. I guess I was feeling angry that our time was cut short by the fluids. Donna had posted that Frasier's kidneys could not handle the medication for the fluids, so I know Shelby's would not have been able to either. That gave me a little comfort in knowing that we did not make a mistake in at least not trying the medication, (the vets told us at the time we were making the right decision - but the next day I was having one of those "what if's moments). I guess I am still feeling cheated.

Karen

Karen,

I'm very sorry for your loss. You are the best possible mommy for Shelby and I have no doubts that she was the happiest cat with you. It really is an roller coaster of emotions we all go thru. Sometimes I think ok, today seems like it's gonna be a good day, but then next minute my world is crashing down again. but just know that we all here and care for you.

Luv,
Madison's mommy-Linda

Hi, Karen, I hope that getting Shelby's ashes back home will bring you some comfort. I know the feeling of "feeling cheated." I felt that way when Eli died at 6.5 years old, and now Abbygayle at 6 years 10 months. And little Noah, I know the sadness in your heart when you think of Athena being alone now - - I feel the same sadness and loss for my little Noah, my "sole surviving" furchild out of a household that used to have FOUR furkids.

Those "what if" moments can certainly give you a haunting feeling, which doesn't help to ease the grief. It's very hard to "accept" the circumstances that cannot be changed, particularly when they involve having to lose the physical presence of beloved companions. I don't really think it is possible to "accept" a loss, but rather that we do eventually "adjust" to the changes that occur as a result of the loss while always holding on dearly to the cherished memories that are in our hearts. And hopefully as time progresses we are able to focus more on the cherished memories and come to realize that our furkids' sweet living Spirit is forever with us.

Karen, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and please know you are always close in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hey Karen. I'm just checking in with you. I was wondering how you were feeling now that a little time has passed since Shelby's remains have come home. I hope it's bringing some peace to you.

I read your post about feeling angry. I get angry too when I think about how things began to snowball against Frasier and Niles in their end. It was like the faster we did things, the faster more would mount up against them. I guess that's just the natural process of a body shutting down. The body doesn't want you to fight it, maybe. I don't know. I don't know what the reasons are that Niles and Frasier had to die now and so close to one another but I have to believe there is a reason. It's the only thing that keeps me sane when I get angry about all the things that happened to them.

I hope your anger has subsided to give you a break. I know you need it. Isn't grief just the wierdest thing how it throws all kinds of stuff at you randomly? I hope you have a good day.
-Donna

Hi Karen--

Remember that anger is one of the five "normal" stages of grieving. We HAVE to feel it, at someone, something, somehow. I got hugely angry when Lady was diagnosed with cancer back in January, and it turned out to be productive anger, because I went to WAR against the cancer nutritionally, and the result is that Lady has lived a good quality of life for many more months so far--far longer than the vet thought was possible. But I'm still angry at the cancer, and probably always will be...

So your feelings are perfectly natural, even if they don't feel very good some of the time. We cycle through all the stages of grieving, plus guilt and the "if only's" (which are a form of bargaining, I think), in a random pattern for a long long time. One moment it's sadness, then anger, then guilt, then a moment of acceptance, then sadness again, depression, anger, bargaining--it's all pretty crazy-making, and I am sorry that you are having to endure this right now.

I talked to my vet the other day about CRF, in both cats and dogs, and she said that it is oh, so hard to track, because the remaining "good" parts of the kidneys go into overdrive and continue to function as best they can--and she said that cats, particularly, tend to "drop down" very very rapidly, too rapidly to treat them, sometimes. (I asked because Ladywolf has the kind of breath now that suggests kidney failure).

I hope that by now, having Shelby's ashes has brought you some peace. Most people seem to feel that it does, eventually if not right away. Please try to focus on the good aspects of your life with Shelby--you were such a devoted mommy, and she loved you dearly, and you did NOT fail her in the end.

Big Hugs from Margi and Wonder Wolf

Hi,

Thank you all for your thoughts and kindness. When my husband brought Shelby's ashes home, for some reason I did not feel the same peace I did when Casey came home. I am not really sure why. I still going through many emotions, as we all do. I keep trying to "reason" with myself. I tell myself that Shelby would not want me to be feeling so depressed - I tell myself she was getting older and her body was failing - there was nothing I could do. I wake up during the night sometimes and I am unable to fall back to sleep - my mind just keeps going over things. Casey and Shelby were such an important part of my life - they were there for me during some very difficult times. I miss them so much - it's just not the same here and never will be.

I do have some good moments and it has gotten somewhat better. The shelter called me to see if I would foster, at first I did not want to, but then I thought it might do me some good. I do enjoy taking care of the little ones. I am just trying to take one day at a time, I guess that is all I can do right now.

Thanks for caring.

Karen

Hi, Karen, it's a long road on this healing grief journey. It may be helpful to do some foster care. It may help soften the emptiness a bit, and Casey and Shelby will be happy for you to help other little furkids find loving homes.

It is a one day at a time journey, Karen. I wish there were an easier way through the grief - - for you, for others on this wonderful Forum, - - for Noah and me. I hope that today is a peaceful one for you, Karen, and that each day coming will be a little bit better than the one before. But whatever happens, please know we are here for you each step of the way.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

My Athena is missing her buddy. I went upstairs to feed Anthena last night and I did not see her. I checked behind this curtain my sister made for me to cover a little closet and there she was - Shelby's favorite sleeping spot. Athena has never gone it there before. Those who read my post from when Casey passed, I heard her meawoing during the night in the living room and got up to see what was happening - she was laying on Casey's rug. It just breaks my heart - I feel she is so lonely without her buddies. You can not explain to your fur-kids what has happened. She knows something is not right. I guess it it hard on all of us.

I got my fosters yesterday. They told me they came from another shelter that was overcrowded and they were scheduled yesterday for..., I am so glad we got them. It makes me so sad that these beautiful fur-kids may not have had a chance (not the other shelters fault - hopefully one day we will get to the point - no more homeless pets). I thought for one second "what if" I kept the mommy - she is extremely friendly - just then an image of Shelby walking to me flashed in my mind and my heart sank (I miss her so much). I do feel good that I am able to help this little family though - I know I am still grieving and will need some more time to heal.

Karen

Dear Karen--

I think that the sorrow our "leftover" furkids feel when we have lost one is one of the hardest things to deal with. As you've said, you can't just explain it to them and have them understand. That's so sad about Athena looking for Casey, but kind of sweet at the same time.

When my pit-bull mix, Katy, died suddenly, my great dane Diva went into a terrible slump. She walked with tail down and stopped eating and just generally was miserable. So I ended up adopting a new dog from the shelter almost immediately--way before I would have done it for myself, but just in the nick of time for Diva. Of course, I ended up loving Luna, the weimaraner, just as much as I had loved Katy--but it took a long time. Diva, on the other hand, took to Luna immediately--they became instant best friends!

I'm so glad that you have taken in a foster family. It should be good for all of you, and especially for them! Who knows what the future holds, but good for you for taking that important step. You may ed up keeping them, and maybe not, but for now, it doesn't matter. What matters is that they have a safe home, and hopefully Athena is happier too?

Good for you!

Hugs from Margi and Ladywolf

Hi, Karen, thank you so much for sharing with us about you proceeding with foster care. It is said that in helping others in difficult times that we help ourselves as well. I do believe this, and I hope in your doing foster care at this time that it will become a healing balm to you and Athena at this time in your grief journeys. Just take it one day at a time, Karen.

I hope that you will have a peaceful evening, Karen; please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My sweet Shelby it has been two months today and it feeks like two years. It seems so long ago that I was able to hold you in my arms. I miss you so much. Life without you has been very hard, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. You, Casey and Anthena were my treo and it seems so lonely without you guys. I try to take comfort in knowing I will see all my babies again once day, but my heart aches for you now. I still feel like I failed you in not seeing the signs you were sick. I know in my head that it probably would not have made a difference, but a part of my still feels I should have known. I am so sorry. I wish I could go back in time when we were all together, I miss those times. Shelby, you and I were connected like no other pet I have ever had. I miss you sitting on my lap and looking up at me - I could see the love in your eyes. Take care my precious babies - Mommy will see you again some day.

I love you!

I am so sorry I know what you are going through; it has been three weeks since I lost my Nikita and I miss her so much at times I cannot bear it. I too struggle with the guilt of thinking I might have been able to do more. We were treating her for IBD mainly with steriods and trying other drugs as well. I tried changing her diet but she was so finicky and was losing weight and the diet changes seemed to make it worse. I didn't like using the steriod but each time we would try to wean her off the diahrea would come back quicker and quicker each time until finally it came back while she was still on it. At times I questioned the vets decisions and he seemed to give up on her in the end so I took her to a new vet but by then it was too late. I don't blame the vet for her death; it was probably lymphoma all along but I still can't stop wondering if I had only gotten a second opinion sooner, or maybe it was the new vet's treatment that was too much for her or if I could have just found the right food. I keep running these things over and over in my head maybe this or maybe if. All I know is that she is gone and I miss her so much. When I read about pet loss grief I was amazed at how accurate it is and how it described what I was going through. Guilt is part of the process and with time we will get through it. I am so sorry for your loss my heart goes out to you. It is good to have this forum to share with others that know what we are feeling.