Hi,
I am new here...I have been impatiently awaiting my validation for my registration! and it finally came through so here I am to pour my heart out.
I am not sure where to start so I guess from the beginning: I adopted my Nutmeg from a local SPCA back in March of 1991, she was 6 or 8 weeks old at the time (can't remember). Anyway I was cruising down the aisle to find just the perfect kitten and I knew I wanted a grey one (always had a thing for grey kitty's) so at the end of the cages there was a cage full of gey ones that had just been dropped off, it was the momma with her baby girl & baby boy. I picked the baby girl and even though it broke my heart I couldn't afford to take on the momma cat and her brother(cried over that one). Away we went, off to the Vet's for a quick check up and home afterwards. I was in love with that cat from the time we got in the car:). we bonded on the long 2.5 hour trip home.

I am starting a journal so that is how the beginning goes, but if I had to type every twist & turn of our entangled lives together you would be scrolling for miles. As the years went by, we went through relationships, hardships and great times together. There wasn't much that I did without consulting her first or if I had to leave town I would make sure she was attended to 120%, we lived on an island so boarding was not really an option, thankfully so! The thought of her ever being in a cage again just rubbed me the wrong way. Nutmeg wasn't the friendliest cat...a little skiddish- I will assume this may have been caused by her short life before we met but nonetheless I loved her just as much as a cuddly tomcat. She made a few moves with me but we were never far from the beach- boy she loved living at the beach, the salty air, fresh fish and seagulls overhead. I hate to admit it but that cat was my life or maybe that is okay and I guess that is why her passing has been sooo terribly difficult, way more difficult than I had ever imagined.I guess over the past year I noticed that she seemed to be really aging quickly compared to previous years and I knew she was getting up there in age and took her to Vets regularly so it didn't appear out of the norm that she was not playing as much (sleeping more) not eating like she used to and just kinda getting that elder look about her. That cat had the life though, every toy, homemade catnip, staircase to my bed, always canned food & more hugs and kisses than she ever wanted.

Fast forward to August 2009...my baby girl seemed to be getting weaker and her allergies were bothering her or so I thought. The she eventually was having a bit of trouble breathing, then she would be fine, then it would pick up again. I was at this point too afraid to take her to the vet as I might here the inevitable or that she would need to be put to sleep or that we can prolong her life but it's gonna cost, what ? I made the choice not to take her back in as I felt at her age the diagnoses would not be good, so I kept her here and just loved the heck out her! Over last weekend and early this week she seemed to have turned for the worse and living on an island does not make it easy to get care quickly, the Vet travels to my area a couple days a week so I called them Tuesday for an appt and they would be here Wed or Fri so I made the appt. for Wed at 2:30, I told the lady on the phone that I no longer had a carrier for her and to PLEASE make it easy as possible for me in the waiting area especially if there were other animals since I was just holding her. The appt. was for the intention of possibly a last ditch effort to fix her somehow or I would end her suffering which had become unbearable by Tuesday evening- I would cry just looking at her try to get up and lay down was very difficult and she was starting to whimper which was killing me. the last few days I would just crawl in the floor with her and love on her since she was unable to jump up on the couch, bed or desk anymore. Wed. rolled around and I decided to close my store(own a local biz) and spend the entire day with her before we went off to the Vets (knowing this would probably be it but secretly hoping for a miracle). It was a struggle to even get her in the car as her breathing at this point was very labored and I knew she despised the Vet office but I felt with her suffering I had no choice, I just couldn't stand to watch her cry in pain anymore so I figured the trauma of going to the Vets was worth it to stop the pain. She had also stopped eating approx. 24 hours before we went in so I knew in my heart she was telling me it was time, but boy she was still slurping up water until the minute I wrapped her in the towel to put her in my car. There was no mobile service within 2 hours so I opted out of that unfortunately.

The half hour drive to the Vets seemed to take forever, anyway we finally arrive and asked if we could skip the waiting room and I could just bring her in straight to the room, not a problem so I went back out to the car to get her and as fast as I could carry her in because it was near impossible to hold her due to the breathing- I hadn't been able to pick her up for last couple of weeks due to her congestive heart failure/fluid on lungs so as soon as we made it through he front door there was a huge dog and she freaked and was trying to squirm away from me so I held her tight and ran for the room, we got in and I set her down and she was in major distress, she turned her head at me and her mouth opened a bit and she rolled over on her side no more than 2 seconds after putting her down on the table. I knew something was horribly wrong at this point as I have never seen an animal act this weird. 1 more second goes by and she lost all the urine from her bladder & right then I knew I lost her, I screamed, kicked and cried, the assistant was with me from the time I brought her into the room and the vet cam in right after she emptied her bladder. I was still crying & screaming thinking why, WHY ? why did I torture my poor baby by bringing her all the way here just for her to panic and die right in front of me, Oh god it was horrible!!!!!!!!

I guess her weak heart just gave out and , I now regret even taking her in- obviously her time was imminent and I could have let her die at home where I'd hoped she would pass on. I am struggling with this so much, I didn't want to see her suffer anymore but I ended up killing her by the torturous vet visit- I am not sure if it would have been worse to put her to sleep or just to watch her die in my arms on the table. I guess no matter how she died; at home, at the vets or where ever, the end result is still just as painful!. I brought her home because I knew she would want to be buried by the beach in a fishbox with the seagulls flying overhead. The vet carried her to my car and I cried all the way home with her next to me, I had a friend meet me and we said our goodbyes and laid her to rest, when I feel better I will go by and plant a little something. She is buried where she spent most of her life and I am just a mile away. The last few days have been gut wrenching to say the least, I never knew how deep the affection ran until I have wiped up days of tears, I live alone so it was just her & I and the house is quiet, scary quiet. She was one of the most vocal kitty's I have ever had- always talking to me whether I wanted to listen or not and now it's just dead silence, I HATE IT! I kept my shop closed~ just couldn't bare to deal with anyone, just sat on the couch in the dark & cried for 3 days straight and never even left the house.

Today was an upturn- I made it to the grocery store and got some laundry done so that was a step. I will go back to work Monday, I have not really talked with anyone but have had a good friend checking on me several times a day this week so that has been nice. Mornings are very hard as I have no one rubbing my leg looking for some fancy feast and nights because I don't have my baby next to me in bed. The house is empty with no one to talk to, although today I talked with Nutmeg and asked for forgiveness for taking her to the Vet...hopefully she will.

Today, I started a keepsake box for her...well, I mean for me of her so I can keep all my memories in one place- it's amazing how much a part of my life was hers, I have cards from my family just to her, many funny books about cats and the weird things they do, a christmas stocking in the shape of a paw, pictures galore, some whiskers & fur from her brush and some other sentimental items. I started putting some things in a large longaberger basket today which seems to be the perfect memory box, mind you I still have her food & water bowl out, still have not touched the litter box, I don't know what to do with the steps still by me bed or her two scratching posts...I guess in due time I will figure out when to put these away or donate them, they were hers and couldn't fathom keeping them if I ever decide down the road to rescue another animal.

I have not turned my television on since Tuesday evening, not sure why...it's so quiet- I still sorta feel guilty about enjoying something since she's been gone- is that normal ? Thank you kind people for allowing me to share and vent my feelings here, I know pet lovers are in abundance here- that's why I came:)

I love you baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we shared nearly 19 years of our lives together/ all of yours and just about half of mine

What a wonderful long life you gave your Nutmeg! She is beautiful! Your story is very touching and brings back many memories of my own. I am so very sorry she is gone. I logged on this morning because all of the sudden I was hit by another wave of missing my Frasier. I found your story right away and cried while I read it. I don't mean to say that misery loves company but it is so nice to know that other people really do feel the way I do about my babies.
I won't go into details of my story because today is your day to let your feelings out. I will tell you, though, that I know exactly how you feel about the keepsake box. I know that you will know when it is time to move away the steps and the litterbox and other things. It has been one month since I had to put Frasier to sleep and while his litterbox is gone now, I still haven't cleaned away the litter that he accidently scooped onto the floor. It just breaks my heart knowing his little paw did that. I just can't clean it away yet. So, give yourself time with these things. There is no rush.
And for what it's worth, I believe you did the right thing even though you feel it would've been better to have stayed at home. By taking her, you may have spared her a longer and much more painful death and spared yourself having to watch it. We can "what if" ourselves to death but as you said, the end result is the same. They are gone and we are here. Several weeks ago someone on this forum said to someone else that this experience is now part of who you are. I really believe that. We are changed by their lives and changed by their deaths no matter how they go. Try not to beat yourself up. You will have much time for all the waves of thoughts and feelings that will flood you. It is all normal and we are all here to listen.
My heart goes out to you for your loneliness. I do hope that your friend will be able to bring you comfort. My thoughts are with you as I know these first days can be unbearable.

Thank You Tanbuck for your kind words!
I had already read a little about Frasier before I registered and many others as I was awaiting to register. I certainly wish cats could talk the "human" language, it's funny I guess living alone somewhere along the way I started talking for my cat, it's weird my brother does that with his yellow lab too! at least that way we could communicate the English language back & forth. Today has been another "mopey" kind of day, we had bad thunderstorms all night and they always scared Nutmeg...and there I was worried about her under the sand if she was getting wet or afraid, ridiculous I know but at least now I am ready to leave her be...the first 2 days I wanted to dig her back up just to touch her again as morbid as that sounds. It's just so hurtful still but I know time will heal.

My journal is coming along nicely 15+ pages so far (5.5 x 8.5) just writing about our lives together the last 19 yrs. and it is helping, to remember all the little things that I may have forgotten over the years until now, that she is gone and all I have are the memories. So I will take each day as it comes and I assume some will be harder than others. Today I remembered how she loved to eat twinkies, yes twinkies of all things- it was the funniest thing and once a year or so having her enjoy that cream filling didn't bother me a bit health-wise. All of our children had unique things about them that made them who they are!

I always wanted my cat to fetch like Frasier but she never would, my Dad's cat is like that- just like a dog and puts the toy or paper wad in it's mouth and brings it back to your feet. Cats and dogs are so unique in different ways and how they interact with us and their personalities, I wish they could live forever but then again I wish we all could live happily forever.

I am so sorry you've lost Nutmeg. How awful for you that she passed the way she did. Please know that even though it didn't play out the way you wanted it to, she did die while you were trying to do the best you could for her - just like you had her whole life. Even when thier passing goes "as planned" it isn't easy, the guilt and second guessing are torture. A phase to live through I think, because we've all been through it even though our loved ones have passed in different circumstances.

I too had thoughts of digging Callie up, just to touch her one more time, or to make sure she was really dead. It was awful to think I could even have such thoughts. I just didn't know how to deal with the searing pain. I still don't know how, I just know that in time it starts to fade. My heart goes out to you as you start your journey. The hardest part for me was redefining myself as just me instead of "Callie and I". I guess I never really got that part down pat, because I rushed into getting another dog. Maybe too soon, but now it's "Sandy and I"; we're starting a life long relationship and she's healing my heart.

This song just came on on my Ipod at work and listening to the lyrics below brought a tear for my baby girl!

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Miss you baby girl, going on day 5-6...still crying at times but coping with life in general.

im so sorry for your loss. sounds like nutmeg was such a special little girl with a wonderful loving mom. i lost my fred a mini tabby, this year after fourteen years. i thought i would have him 20 years at least but diabetes took him away from me. i know there is nothing i can say to take away the pain that you are going thru but know that you both were so lucky to have each other for so long. i believe that when they leave us they are welcomed back home by their maker. know that nutmeg is no longer in pain and can run back and forth along side the neverending ocean. she plays with the seagulls again and overall she looks down and makes sure that you are ok. i know its hard. time will heal and one day you will be able to remember her with smiles instead of tears. keep writing as it is very healing. and know that you are not alone. we are here for you
you are in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Well Baby Girl,
It has been exactly a week since you left me and I am still so sad! I am up to 18 pages in our journal and my keepsake basket looks great- I even have a can of Fancy Feast Turkey & Giblets in there for ya- it was your favorite! I still have your food & water bowl out, litter and everything else...Maybe sometime this week I will gather the strength to throw some of it away, the litter I mean.
I have a picture of you in bed tucked under the covers next to my bed now-it's pretty cute. I am going to plant some pink pampas grass in the sandy patch where you lie, it will bloom fluffy pink plumes so it will be a perfect marker for you.

Days are getting a little better- I am starting to think about the good times more and not so much the tortured end where you were so frail & weak, it will be nice when that Vets trip doesn't run over in my head a 100 times a day.

Miss you soooooo much Nutmeg!!!!!!

WOW!! I am so upset right now and I just had to post this. I just had a good friends husband stop by my store with a basket of 6 week old kittens, trying to pawn one off on me. I could barely even look at them and could feel my heart starting to race. I tried to be cordial and not throw him out- he kept talking about them and I was trying not to be rude but I couldn't touch at all - it was hard enough to look at them, I finally said that I was still grieving my loss only a week ago and he said, " aww forget about that one now and get one of these". Can you believe it ?????? he finally left and I started crying. I was so angry and obviously I am no where near getting over Nutmeg much less wanting to take on a new kitten right now.

I just wanted to share because I am so upset by this. Yes, he is not an animal lover nor would he ever in a million years understand what I am going through and I guess he thought he was doing the right thing but it was way WRONG!!!!!

Some people! I mean, really! It's funny how people can be so different! I just can't imagine saying something so crass. But forget about him. Like you said, he's obviously not an animal lover so he's missing out on the gift.
Don't feel bad about not being able to look at them. For a couple of weeks after Frasier died, I turned away from his brother, Niles. And Niles is my soulmate cat! I had so many weird feelings towards him as if somehow I was mad that one of the brothers would die and one would get to stay. I can't really explain it but it was hurtful to have such bad feelings towards him. He would cry at mealtime and I would walk away from him. It's so awful, I know! But it did go away and now we have bonded together again. So, needless to say, cats you don't even know certainly aren't going to get your love so soon.
If it's right for you to get another one, you will know. And you will know when.
Take care.
-Donna

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Nutmeg. Sounds like you gave her a long, wonderful life filled with lots of love. I'm also sorry that she passed as she did, but you were trying to do what was best...that's all we can do. The love you had for her lives on, and I believe the spirits of our furbabies carry that love with them forever.

It's good that you're journaling about this, and the memory box is a great idea. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best.

Thanks Tanbuck!! It's amazing that people who don't have love for an animal and how they refer to them as such and "no big deal"...could you imagine somebody saying that to another person who just lost a baby or child or any loved one. I have been doing pretty good lately until I was forced a basket of kittens today, after I got over the anger of the incident today I was fine. When I look back on it I amazed myself by having zero feelings at all towards those kittens- I normally would have been all over them picking them up and kissing them as I do with anyone's pets that I meet but today was cold. I know in due time I will want to stroll back into a shelter and rescue another kitty someday but I will be moving in the next couple of months and plan to wait until I get settled in my new hometown.

I will post a picture of my keepsake basket soon, it's real nice- I keep it in a chair right now by my computer so I can look at it and see her picture every time I pass by.

Thank You!!

Glad you found your way to this site. There are so many wonderful friends here. Most of whom have gone through similar situation and looking for some sort of comfort or just a friend to pour your heart out to. Thank goodness I found this site in June of 2008. I just don't know what I would have done.

I was on auto pilot for many days after loosing my Sissycat. Take your time, it is never easy. You heal at your own pace.

Nutmeg was very lucky to have you and you to have her. You gave her a wonderful full life and you should be very glad of that.

Come here often to tell stories, post pictures, or just to talk to her. I usually come every thursday just for a quick I love you to Sissycat.

We are here for you!!!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is the basket I am working on, My brother would always pick on her because she used to be really chunky when she was younger, so that's the reason for the book, I made that pet bowl for her- has a dolphin fish I drew with paw prints on it and the big red blob of fur is her christmas stocking in the shape of a paw. It has been nice working on the journal and this basket to keep the memories. There are books and pictures in here too!

Hi Nutmeg,

It has been 2 weeks since you left & I still miss you soooo much! I walk around the house and talk to you all the time (since it was just you & I). Sometimes it seems so surreal that you are gone, I feel like you could walk around the corner at any time meowing loudly...other days are real and I know that you are gone. I planted your pink pampas grass last Sunday so I can't wait to see when that blooms in a year or two! I also picked up your food and water bowls that had still been out as if you are still here- that was tough! Your steps and scratching post are still in place.

Kisses to you baby girl (smooch)

Love, your mama

I am so sorry for your loss. I think taking her to the vet was the right thing to do. Several years ago I had a cat that was very ill, but she didn't seem to be in pain so we were just going to let her die at home. Well, late one night she started having seizures and howling in pain, and we had to wait hours until the vet opened in the morning. I really regretted not putting her to sleep sooner.

Magdalene

I am deeply sorry for your loss of Nutmeg. The loss of our Little Ones seems to tear our lifes apart in a way we never thought possible. They weave themselves into every fiber of our lives that when they are gone it leaves such an empty void in our hearts. I thank God for the unconditional Love that our fur-children have for us and for the wonderful memories they leave behind when they are gone. The one thing I try to remmember the most is that our Little Ones were Angels sent by God to be part of our lives and still are even when the leave their earthly existance. They are now watching over us from heaven with Jesus and will be waiting for us when the Lord call us home. I will keep you and Nutmeg in my prayers and will ask God to bring peace and comfort back into your life.

God Bless You Always,

James - Patches Dad

You gave Nutmeg a wonderful, long life and home and you have nothing to regret. The last vet trip was just you trying to help out Nutmeg. Unfortunately age is not curable but your heart certainly was in the right place. All of those things are judgment calls and if you do it out of love it can't be wrong.

People mean well when they do things like offer you a new cat. It is their way of trying to ease your suffering and is well intentioned though horrible timing. At least they care so it was good that you handled it with diplomacy. If and when you are ready to provide a good home for another furkid you will know it in your heart and will actively pursue it. There is too much pain in this world to permanently deny a chance to a new furkid. Just don't rush it.

Take care and all the best,
Ken Albin

Hi Baby Girl,

Today marks week 3 and I still miss you very much! Your scent is gone from the house, but I am grateful I saved your unwashed blanket and some fur & 2 whiskers I found. It is still not real to me that you have gone but I think back to the last few weeks you were here and can see that you needed to be free of your pain & suffering, maybe I held on a little too long and hope you forgive me for that. Well, not much for typing my feelings out today so I will be back soon!

Love you,
Mama

Boy can I relate to how you feel today. When I read you wanting Numeg to forgive you for holding on too long it brings back the memory of my cat Baby that died on my lap just 1 block from the vet's office as I held on too long. I felt more guilt over that death than any of my other pets and she was not my favorite cat. Don't get me wrong, I loved her but she was traumatized as a kitten, hard to get inside and never warmed up to anyone but me. Hid most of her life. I had promised her when she was diagnosed with cancer that I would make her comfortable but not let her suffer................

She was OK in the morning, I was later than usual getting home and she was struggling for air under my bed when I got home. She drug herself part way out for me to reach her and I always said she waited for me as she was very, very weak & could not get any further. She knew I had always helped her and she waited for me to help her again. She screamed and was very hard to hold as she struggled & that stuck in my mind for a very, very long time. I felt I had failed her after all the years of trying to be a good Mom to a poor thing that was so fearful of everything & everybody.

Who knows what is the "right" thing to do? Baby, waited too long? Flossie, could have waited a bit longer? No loss is an easy one, some just seem to be more difficult because of the connection we have with a specific pet. Both of these pets were with me longest.... does that make the difference? I'm older now... does that make the difference? I really don't know the answer. I just know I can really relate to how you feel today. Also I am coming very close to 1 year since Flossie crossed over and about this time last year I was really struggling with my feelings about needing to let her go.

Things will ease up for you but some days will still be very difficult. You & Nutmeg are in my thought today.

Thanks so much Flossie's mom!!

Today was one of those more difficult days, started crying again thinking about my baby:( I am going out of town tomorrow for a few days and having a rough go of it, I will be moving soon and feel guilty for leaving my child but I can't exactly dig her up & take her with me and she is where she spent the majority of her life..I guess since I am leaving all the emotions are coming to a boiling point and thinking back to before she passed away anticipating my buddy making the move with me so at least we would have each other in the new town but now it's just me and leaving her behind! I plan to get back a couple times next year for business and plan to check on her and the pink pampas grass. It will be gut-wrenching actually driving off this island for good but I have to take care of myself now.

I know what you mean by the struggle of waiting too long or too soon ? I know now in my heart I waited too long but I was selfish- it was just her & I for almost 19 years damn it! There was no way I could have taken her to the vet "feeling good" to put her out, I know she suffered some and I selfishly wanted her to die at home so I wouldn't have to put her through the trauma of the vet- she hated the Vet's office. A good friend of mine has had to put 2 springer spaniels down and she felt one was too early and the other was too late. I don't know of one person who says it was the "right time"

Nutmeg, I will check in 10/21 for our 4th week conversation since you left. Love you & miss you so much...talk to you everyday!

Hi Baby Girl,
Today marks 4 weeks that you have been gone! I am headed back home today and will be thinking about you during the drive. It's hard to believe that is has been 1 month while it seems like it was just yesterday that I was waking up with you next to me with that soft gray fur and other times it feels like you have been gone forever. I don't like having to start over without you but I have to be strong and knowing your still in my heart & everyday thoughts gets me through somehow!!

Alright Baby Girl...I have to get on the road! Love you, will be home tonight.
Mama

I don't know what's going on but last 2 days I have been crying uncontrollably again, I am thinking about my baby non-stop and going through all the thoughts of "why did I allow the suffering" as if it was yesterday! Do these moments just creep up on you without notice ? I feel like an emotional basket case right about now. Anyway I have been on here a lot reading posts & trying to console myself all over again.

Sorry Baby Girl...I was selfish and I am so remorseful
Miss you terribly,
Mama

Those days do creep up on you. I know exactly what you mean. I just wrote in my own journal yesterday that I feel like I'm going backwards in my grieving process. It seems out of nowhere that I just cry for my Frasier. And I've been doing the whole guilt thing again too. Thinking back to before he was even sick - trying to figure out a way to blame myself. It's just horrible but I feel like I have to do it.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way too.

Thank you Tanbuck and I am sorry that you are feeling the same as me because it hurts terribly and hate that anyone else has to feel this way. I thought I would keep moving forward but last 2 days have been a huge leap backwards and I don't know why...it just came out of left field and the guilt crept back. I have been writing more in my journal to her to help ease the anguish I am feeling. What a rough time...never thought it would be this bad in a million yrs...or at least I always thought that when she was alive, but it's not like that when they are really gone:(

Week 5 Baby Girl...just checking in to say how much I miss you & love you!! Think about you all the time.

Sad Mama:/

Hi Baby Girl, Week 6 and checking in....just got back into town again...unfortunately it's easy for me to leave town nowadays, I don't have to worry about you, how long I would be gone, is the sitter going to take care of you just the way I would, etc... I still think about you every day, most days are pretty good and some are still pretty bad (especially when I talk about you with others~still get teary-eyed).

Kisses,
Mama

Hi Baby Girl, week 7...can't believe it! It seems like so long ago since I could pick you up and love you and smell that silky grey fur...miss you terribly. We are in for 3 days of rain...I know your favorite. You would never venture outside in the rain but sure like to lap it up off the steps when it stopped. I have a temp move this weekend then the big one, you certainly would not be happy to see all the boxes and suitcases. You always dreaded seeing the suitcase come out because you knew what that meant, Me leaving!

Love you more than you will ever know,
xoxo Mama

Hi Lovebird,

It's been 2 months now and I just can't believe it!!!! I have moved temporarily and hate that everything is in storage. I don't have any reminders of you at all and feel as if you'll be packed away forever. I still think about you all the time and miss you like crazy and would give anything to have you back in my arms. Animals need to live longer than they do...I know that sounds selfish since I had you longer than most. Off on another biz trip.

Hugs and kisses Baby Girl
Mama

Hi Baby Girl,
Sorry for the delay this week but I got wrapped up in the holiday's and busy packing. We are at the 9 week mark, although sometimes it feels like 9 months and other times 9 days ago. The deep pain is easing somewhat and when I mention you in conversation or think about when I am alone, it's mostly good thoughts & memories, so hopefully I can stay on track and keep moving forward with fewer break-downs. It's a little easier to be around other kitty's now but I am still not ready to adopt another just yet....

I am sorry you were not here for Thanksgiving, you loved turkey and the whipped cream off the pumpkin pie and with Christmas around the corner -I don't know what I will do without being able to put up your stocking and buy you new catnip toys. I don't believe in cloning but wish I had "another you" here with me right now. I will check on your pink pampas grass plant before I leave!

Loved you more than anything 8)
Mama

Well mama, I was against cloning initially, but then again I was against a lot of things until they affected me personally. My son kept Ulriich's baby teeth and I have them in a jar and if I were rich, I would clone him in an instant. I think Christmas is going to be difficult for a lot of us this year, but I will be thinking of you and all my mates here and with our combined strengths and support for each other, we might just get through this. Hugs to you mama.

madi xx

Hugs to you Mama and Madi...thinking about everyone on the forum today. Hang in there all..we can get through this together.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Thanks Brutus & Madi!!!!

It will be difficult but time, being on this forum & heartfelt memories can keep us strong. I send my cyber {{{hugs}}} to you both.

Brutus' Mom, my brother has a white lab...about 9 now with same name, well same first name...love the "midnight gunsmoke". Labs are wonderful dogs, and if he was anything like most...he was 90% human and 10% doggy:)

Thinking of everyone who has lost a furchild today!

I also have 2 friends with dogs named Brutus, one is a yellow lab and the other a boxer, both younger than my Brutus too. When we would hang out with them and you said "Brutus"...you'd have 3 dogs coming at ya...lol.

Yes, Brutus definately thought he was human and he thought he owned me (well he did I guess). My husband could not look me in the face while he talked to me or Brutus would bark hysterically... and forget my husband trying to hug me (or anyone else for that matter)...Brutus would bark like crazy and wedge between me and the hugger...yes, he definatley thought he was human.

Hope you are having a good day today,
many hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Baby Girl,

Mama here. Its very windy & rainy and thinking about you on this evening and how gut wrenching this same evening was 10 weeks ago on 9/23. I think about you all the time and hope that you have forgiven me for making you suffer..okay so now I am tearing up again darn it! Would ya do me a favor, not that I deserve it but there is a pretty orange kitty that goes by the name of Frasier, he has a huge heart and very friendly, I know I am asking a lot because you were not real affectionate but could you find him & give him a hug. I keep your picture in my wallet so I can look at you whenever I am wishing your beautiful face was around the corner.

Miss your soft fur next to me
Mama

Hard week baby girl, Mama has moved and now I feel even more "re-moved" from you and guilty for leaving, UGHH! I know it's just your fury body in the ground but I still feel tormented that I have left. I am glad I still have your basket with all your pictures, journal and blanket.

11 weeks now.....it's so quiet in this new place and I don't like it but I can't bring you back and I am not ready for another yet.

Luv you lots
Mama

Hi Baby Girl,
Week 12/day late. Christmas is coming and I see all the fun pet toys around the stores and can only try and pass them by as fast as possible to avoid the sadness, I try my best to avoid the pet food isle at the grocery store too! I will be glad when time can heal the wounds that are hard to heal so that I can give my heart to another.

Miss you so much Baby Girl!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mama

Merry Christmas my baby girl!!!!!!!!!!
Hoping that the giant tree with a million ornaments, bones, pig ears and tinsel for all the kitty's and puppy's up there will make this day as special as it was for you when you were here with all of us. I will be thinking about you all day my love.

Mama

Merry Christmas Mama and Nutmeg.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Hi Baby Girl, Week 14 here since you have been gone.....

Just think if you could have made it til now, we could have been celebrating your 19th Birthday! You would like the new home, lots of trees and birds.
I think about you all the time and miss you so much, time has helped and I am at least okay around other animals now. Well, just wanted to write you a little weekly note to let you know I am thinking about ya.

Love,
your Mama

Hi Baby Girl,
Can u believe it has been nearly 4 months ?? I have been thinking about you so much lately as I am trying to adjust in a new place without you- I get so lonely sometimes and wish you were here to help me through these hard times. I came across some cans of Fancy feast when I was unpacking- made me cry all over again. I had no idea the bond we shared until you left me!! Why is it always that way...

Miss you bunches
Mama

Hi Nutmegs Mama

It's 4 months today for me since my Noushka left me. Thinking of you and your Angel.

Love Jan and my Angels Tasha and Noushka x

It's 4 months for me today also. I can't believe it's been 4 months because time just seems to be standing still. The pain has gotten a little better but I'm still in disbelief that Callaway is gone. Love to both Jan, Nutmeg's Mama, and their Angels .


Hi Nutmegs Mama

It's 4 months today for me since my Noushka left me. Thinking of you and your Angel.

Love Jan and my Angels Tasha and Noushka x

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am fairly new to the site myself. I lost my Yorkie this past November. Try not to blame yourself for taking her to the vet. We do what we think is best and often have little or no control of the outcomes. It's difficult going through all the different feelings and emotions. As I have been told, it will just take some time. I'm certain she knew you loved her very much.

Allicia

Missing my baby girl tremendously these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know you know that I loved you so much...maybe a little too much, I know I kept you around too long which caused you to suffer but I just couldn't bring myself to end it for you. I always thought of myself as a strong, smart thinking individual but I caved when it came to you, sorry that I held on too long baby girl.

Thank You Rhapsedy & Alentrell23 for your thoughts and I am thinking of you and your children today.

17 weeks
Been very busy lately, so an occupied mind is a healthy mind!

Miss you bunches baby girl, no one can ever replace you

Mama

Hi Baby Girl,
Thinking of you so much here at the 18 week mark!!
Unfortunately, you have a dear friend laying next you in the soft sand. Sage, a friend's doggy recently left us and is now beside you- take care of him would ya.

Miss you bunches
Mama

Hi Baby Girl,
19 weeks....I think about you often! Sometimes I try to remember what your meow sounded like, it has been so long since I was able to hear it and I miss it. I still can't even imagine another kitty in my life right now, you were my furry soul mate and it will probably be a while before I can open my heart to another.

Miss you just as much as yesterday, last week, last month, last year.
Mama

Hi Baby Girl.
Missed week 20 and here it is week 21. I was re-living that trip to the vet on my long drive home from a business trip, so difficult to have dragged you there only to have you die in my arms...however I am a bit more at peace over the decision I made for you, you were a fighter all the way to the end and I want to Thank you for those wonderful 19 yrs. we had together.

Here it is, another week so 22 weeks now, WOW! Seems like longer but other moments it seems like last week that I lost you. I have come to peace a little bit more with what happened Baby Girl, of course you dying in my arms will never leave my memory- it is burned in there and as bad as that is, it is my last memory holding you. It has been a long, cold hard Winter and you would not have been happy at all. Still cannot open my heart yet for another furbaby.

Miss you my Love!!