My week started on 1/10/09, with my beloved cat, Jason, having his annual exam. His doctor couldn't get a urine sample so we had to return him on Monday to try again. On Tuesday we got the call that his blood work showed the signs of kidney disease and we needed to return him to the vet hospital for three days of IV fluids and antibiotics. He HATED going to the vet but I promised him he'd be ok. The vet called me on Wednesday and said he was so upset that they couldn't even treat him but would try again later that day. Finally, Wednesday afternoon, they got the lines started on him but he was still lunging at his caretakers and was very unhappy. I was going to visit him but they told me to hold off as he was a threat to them, himself and potentially to me.

Yesterday, Friday the 16th of January, I got the call I'd been waiting for all week that I could come and pick up my best friend. They had to sedate him to get his lines out as he still wouldn't let them come near him. They sedated him at 11:45 a.m.. I picked him up at 4:30 in the afternoon and was told that his blood work all looked so much better and they were really pleased with his progess. When they brought him to me he was still sleeping in his carrier. The doctor told me this was because of his sedation and that because of his kidney disease it would take longer to get the sedation out of his system. I brought him home and opened his cage so he could come out when he was ready. I went to check on him an hour later and he was gone. He never recovered from the sedation.

All the "what if's" are haunting me. What if I had never taken him to the vet, would he'd still be alive? What if I had visited him against the doctors wishes, would that have calmed him down? What if, instead of sedation, I had gone there and held him while they took the lines out? I knew he got extremely stressed going to the vets, why didn't I help him more? He was 15 years old. Why didn't I just let him live the remainder of his life at home until he told me it was his time? How do I move on from the overwhelming grief and sadness?

To my beloved Jason: I am so, so, so sorry I let you down and didn't protect you from all the stress that eventually killed you. I know saying that will not bring you back but I don't know what else to do. A kitty has never been loved more than you.....

I'm so sorry about what happened to Jason. You did the best you could under the cir%%stances.

15 years.. my Little Guy was a little over 16 when I lost him. It is a long wonderful time that even then...seems too short.

We always trust what the vet says to do because we have no choice. We only always hope they are right. You said it was his annual exam so I assume you knew this vet and he knew Jason. I guess this was the first time he needed the IV, etc. My cats hated going to the vet too.

I don't know what to say. My vets over the years would have me take home a groggy dog or cat but I have no experience bringing one home still asleep so I have no understanding of that.

What a devastating loss. If he was still under sedation then he passed peacefully. That thought might help. I can understand your whatifs. Those particularly hit us when we lose them so quickly and completely unexpectedly. And...anger...that would be natural too, at least it would for me.

We know as they get older, they will start showing signs of deterioration internally..just as we humans do. So we know in time they will have to leave us. But I never would have been prepared at all for what happened to you and Jason. I would be in total shock. You mentioned they said he fought them..that must be why they used the sedation. They wanted to be sure he was relaxed enough so they could give him the IV. It is so hard when we can't explain to these sweethearts that things are being done to help them and not to fight it.

I understand the pain of your loss....it is terrible. When I lose one of mine....I just cry and cry and ache with pain and sometimes think it never goes away. In time, it will lessen. But we will miss them forever.

Being sedated...he was at peace...its a small comfort but it is the only one I can think of to say.

Just remember you did the best you could and you trusted your vet. That's what we all do.
It hurts so much more when it is something we look forward to a manageable outcome and bringing our baby home, and when it is something completely unexpected...it is total
devastation.

All I can do is shed tears with you, and give you a big, tight cyberhug, and feel like....
just screaming inside silently at the unfairness of it all.

I note that Grief can come instantly but Healing takes time. And Healing from shock takes even more time.

I am so very very sorry to hear what happened.

Judy

Thanks for the kind words Judy. I just can't imagine how I'm going to get through this. Jason was my first furbaby. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he's gone.

Dear Turriri sometimes it seems no matter how much we try to do the best thing, it goes wrong, then again, perhaps if you had not brought him in then you would have had to bring him in an emergency and he would have passed in a cold clinic alone whereas if it had to be, at least he was back home and may well have realized it and let go at that point saying to himself ah we're back home mom and I, it will be all right and in a way it was all right forever for him, finally in peace where he wanted to be, by you. You did the best you could for your Jason, you did it all out of love, was his life good, did he live a good fifteen years, I am so sure, he did just looking at his wonderful eyes that are full of kindness and love. So now you must grieve and this is a good place to come to. Courage and please come back to talk about it, we are all, or have all been, in that same boat. Take care.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Jason looks so beautiful in his picture.

You said 'A kitty has never been more loved than you'
Then please don't feel that you let him down. They know how much we love them and I'm sure that from how you have spoken about him, he could never have felt let down by you.

I do understand however, the 'what ifs' as I went through these and I think reading all the posts here, most people go through this. We will always wonder if there was something more that we could have done.

As Judy said we trust what the vets say because we have no choice. What if we didn't follow their advice and then something went wrong? We'd feel bad then too.

You could not have known that this would happen so don't feel like you did something wrong. Jason was so lucky to have someone who loved him so much.

I think Toonie was right in saying that he may well have realised he was home and that he could go then with his mum close by.

You did everything you could for him. But I understand that the grief we feel is overwhelming and we cannot control the thoughts that come into our heads until the pain starts to ease.
Just take one day at a time.

take care
Von

Oh my, I don't really know what to say. I am so very sorry for you and share in your pain. I can't even imagine it.
I don't understand the part of them sending you home with him like that. I have had cats all my life and never once have they sent one of them home with me while still sleeping.

That is a beautiful picture of Turriri!!! Very handsome!!!!

All the what if's, why's, etc. are part of the process you must go through.
You know in your heart everything you did for him was for his good. He knows that too.

Yes, do come often to talk about anything or vent. We are here for you.

Sending you and your new angel Turriri many hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear of Jason. You loved him very very much. This was an unforseen cir%%stance that you had no control over. I certainly understand what your going thru. My Arthur use to get all stressed out at the vet too. When I took him for the last time I often wonder if me hanging around would have calmed him down long enough to have surgery. So, I can certainly sympathize. 15 years is a long time to have shared together. You are very lucky. I know that it will never seem long enough. I hope your happy memories will help you overcome this loss. I'm sorry he had to pass this way. You did what you felt was best. In time you will heal from this. Please post pictures and happy stories when you feel up to it..Many hugs.. Ann

Thank you all for the thoughts and support. I know in my rational mind that this well eventually get easier but right now my rational mind isn't working.

My local Animal Humane Society offers pet loss support groups. Has anyone attended a group like this and if you did, do you feel it helped you?

I feel like I'm at a loss as to what to do besides crying. I try to remeber the good times but the last week keeps coming back to haunt me.

I had Jason longer than I've had my husband. In fact I met my husband because I adopted Jason. When he was little, Jason had all kinds of kitty problems and I had to take a second job to cover his vet bills and that's where I met my husband.

Thanks again for all the support.

Wow your Turriri brought you and your husband together. He is special!!!!!

As you said it will take lots of time. And even tho I thought of good memories it took a little while, but soon you will smile when you think of them!!

This place here has been my only support group so I can't answer that one for you. I'm sure it couldn't hurt anything to go.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Turriri

You did not let Jason down. You were a wonderful mom to him and you did everything you could to keep him healthy and safe. Sometimes we don't know why these things happen as they do, but they do.

You will be strong and you will get through it, I promise you.

And even if Jason didn't like the vet he knows without any doubt that your love for him is /was strong and solid.

Jason is not gone, he is just in another place right now that makes it harder sometims to feel his connection. Know that that connection of love can not be severed by death and that you can talk to him and he will hear you.

Your Jason was / is special, and so are you, for having loved him so deeply.

Many blessings.

Jan.

I would like to offer my deepest sympathy, in the loss of your beloved Jason. It's hard to understand why things like this happen. But I feel, you did the best you could for Jason. He needed the fluids for his kidney function. As we age medications effect us differently, and it is the same for animals. Possibly, there were other health issues with Jason in addition to the kidney problem.

Please know that grieving takes time and patience. Many of us have gone through the guilt and "what if's." I think that is just a small part of grieving. Once you let go of the guilt, it will be easier for you to accept Jason's passing. Know matter how old our pets live...it's never long enough. But, you have to remind yourself that you gave Jason a wonderful life. And I know he was so very grateful to you. He would want you to remember and cherish the good times. I wish you comfort and peace during this difficult time in your life.

you said: I feel like I'm at a loss as to what to do besides crying. I try to remeber the good times but the last week keeps coming back to haunt me.

Right now all you can do is cry. It is hardly any time at all since your loss. I just went through days of crying in the beginning and tried to put the last day my boy was at the ER out of my mind as best as I could.

It really takes time and sometimes a lot of time, especially if you don't have another that needs your attention.

As far as support groups, I agree it doesn't hurt to try. You just might come out of there feeling better.

I wish you peace and healing but it will take time. It is normal for it to be that way. You can't recover from 15 years of closeness being gone...in so short a time. You will never forget your boy and miss him forever but I guess at some point we just start accepting there is nothing more to do except to try and heal ourselves.

Hugs,
Judy

It's been three days and I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that my Jason's gone. I worked from home so we were together all day every day. When I was working on the computer, he was laying on the desk with his paw on my arm. When the sun would come out, he would go lay on my bed and we'd take a nap together. He was always with me, even if I was in the bathroom, he was there. My husband is trying so hard but doesn't know what to do to help me. I haven't quit sobbing for the three days since he's been gone and feel like I'm going crazy. My mom died two years ago and I didn't react this badly for which I feel guilty. Someone please promise me this will get better. I'm just so heartbroken.

First, please allow me to extend my condolences. Each time I come here to LS and read of yet another loss of a precious furkid, my heart goes is touched with sadness. I too am sorry you had to go through losing Jason, especially in the way you did. I have never heard of a vet sending an animal home who has not yet fully recovered from anesthesia.

Both of my parents passed away in their 50's and just like you my grief was much different than what it was like when my Goliath passed away so suddenly. I understand only too well the grief and agonizing pain that is left when one so loved leaves this world. It's like our worlds have been turned upside down, nothing seems right, and we must be stuck in some kind of nightmare. When Goliath passed away, I spent the first couple of months sinking deeper and deeper into a bog of depression filled with loneliness and heartache. As each day went by during those first months, I felt myself spiraling downward quickly to a place of no return. One day I found LS and the direction of my grief took a much needed turn. Gradually I began to feel somewhat better after I found there was some hope for me to return to a happier and healthier kind of life. This took me lots of time and tears. Once I found LS I spent many many hours exchanging words with others which helped ease my pain and theirs. At some point I came to accept Goliath's death was something I could not change. But what I could do was lean on others who gave hope, inspiration, and encouragement to go on. My life was forever changed when Goliath passed away just as it was forever changed when he first came into my world. Today I know Goliath is well and very much alive in me and around me. Nothing could ever separate the kind of love the two of us neither here in this world nor the next. My spirit is bound to his forever and one day we will be together.....never to be separated again.

Our journeys of healing are long. I found the road very bumpy at times. Many side trips came my way, but I kept plugging along........picking up the broken pieces of my heart along the way. There will always be a subtle sadness about me, and that's ok. My life was bound to become different without Goliath in my every day. I learned to just take each day with stride, no expectation, and to do my very best to squeeze the most out of life. It took a long time to get there, but I can honestly say I will always cherish the past, dream of the future and live for today. I don't know if tomorrow will come, so today I choose to count my blessings and give thanks for all I've been given and for what is yet to be.

Turriri........I send you hugs of comfort of love. Keep coming to LS and share what you are feeling and thinking. Have faith that one day at a time you will find your way through the pain you are feeling now. You walk with others who share your pain and it is with each other we begin to heal.

From my heart to yours,
Beth

Beth said it all so well, so I will only add this:

I, too, as well as SO many others whom society at large doesn't often speak of enough (but it's slowly getting there), have had far more pain from the loss of my kidlets as compared to my human family members (Mother, one brother, father, plus many relatives). Unlike most, though, I'm not at all ashamed to say that's how it is. I know who loved me absolutely BEST and so of COURSE they'd be the ones who garner the most missing and pain over their loss in my life. But just know that this isn't unusual - it's just that many people don't 'dare' speak of how it really is for them, too. There's really no guilt required, though. I trust that my human family members who have died just KNOW now why it is like it is for me, and that they don't judge it the way they would have while still on this earthly plane. That's part of what's so grand about the spirit realm. No earthly-style judgment, just fuller understanding and compassion.....just like our fur-kids modeled. So while you may have to be cautious about who you share your feelings with, that doesn't make ANY of them 'wrong'.

Yes, it does get "better", if not ideal, if not exactly the way it was before. As Beth so aptly put it, "There will always be a subtle sadness about me, and that's ok." We are necessarily changed by everything in our lives, but most especially by our biggest losses, but we can also gain other, precious things because of it. In time...with reflection...and leaning on others who understand how it feels.

It is the worst of times right now. It will get better in time. Everything you are doing I remember doing when my boy Little Guy did not come home with me from the ER.

Take it one day at a day. I understand your husband not knowing how to help you...neither did mine...because they truly can't take the pain away. They can be there for a hug and that helps. But the pain and the missing is something we can only deal with ourselves.

One day at a time. Cry until you are exhausted...it is okay to do that. Do what makes you feel better to do. It is hard to figure out what to do about a feeling of helplessness and so we just
deal with all the awful feelings every day and as time goes by.....the pain kind of deadens at times.
I think we just get tired of being so upset that we start to calm down.

Come here anytime and just write your thoughts and feelings. It can help just to spend the time doing that.

What happened is really a tremendous shock...I think I would want to scream and pound on walls saying...it is not fair. Cause it is truly never fair but some cir%%stances can hurt differently especially when unexpected.

Hugs to you. Peace and healing will come in time. It will get better in time. You will be able to remember the good memories without the sadness overwhelming you..but it takes time...sometimes a lot of time.

Judy

Yes, It does get better. It will take you time. It is still so very early for you!!!! Take your time also and don't let anyone try rushing you.
I can't explain the feelings of human loss versus pet loss. My Sissycat passed on June 5, 2008 and i wept and wept. My dad passed about 3 weeks later on June 25, 2008 and I barely shed a tear. Don't get me wrong I loved him very much, but I just can't explain it. I did feel guilty for that.

So to sum it up. YES it will get better for you. I know it is hard to believe right now, but it will.

It has been little over 7 months and I am so much better now. I am not healed completely, but am well on my way.

We will all heal together!!!!!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sorry for your loss! I completely understand your pain. Please, don't beat yourself up with those thoughts, you did what you thought it was best for your pet and listened to the advise from doctors. Keep in your heart the wonderful and happy memories of your dog and take one day at a time. I hope you will find peace. I want to share my pet's story with you. Yesterday, we lost our beloved dog Charlie due to Renal Failure and Pancreas Failure. He was almost ten yrs. old. He stayed 4 days at the hospital at the beginning of January. On Jan 6. , I called the doctor and told her I was picking up Charlie as his prognosis was guarded with no hopes of recovery and I knew the distress he had been due to the unfamiliar hospital environment and to the fact of being caged. Eventhough, the doctor did not share my opinion , I insisted. So, I brought Charlie back home to our family that day. His last twelve days of life were spent with us, his family, to his side; cuddling him, loving him and eventhough was hard to see him deteriorate day by day, I know he was happy to be home and appreciated being with us. My son, who's 15 yrs, old, was by Charlie's side for those last 12 days of his life and we all took turns to sleep with him and to be with him at all times. My son even refused to attend a family church meeting on Saturday night because he did not want Charlie to feel alone. Yesterday, early afternoon, We all went to Church and I asked God to take Charlie with Him as soon as possible as I did not want to see him suffer any longer. When we came back home from Church, for first time in many days, Charlie came to greet us at the door and wagged his tail at us. He went back to his bed and we followed him. I went upstairs to change and my husband and kids called me back down as Charlie was having a seizure. It was at that point that we decided to call the hospital and put him to sleep as we did not want him to continue suffering, our kids agreed. On our way to the hospital he seemed lethargic. When we got there, the nurse asked us if we wanted to be present and we said yes as my son wanted Charlie to be with his family on his final moment. We were taken to a small room and while we waited for the doctor, Charlie had a second seizure and died there surrounded by us. We held him tight and told him it was okay to go and that we loved him very much. God was wonderful with him and us, and eventhough it was a painful moment we were able to be with him until the end. We know he is in a marvelous place and is not suffering any longer. We will remember him forever and will be eternally grateful that we got to know him and call him a beloved member of our family. Charlie, forever in our hearts.

Rest assured of this... The remainder of his life at home, with untreated kidney disease is not something you could have born, not something he should have born. All that the two of you endured, devastating as it was, was easier by comparison. You did the very best you could for your boy.

I'm so sorry you lost him.
Heartfelt prayers and Sympathies
Dayna

All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone here. While I'm still so devastated that my Jason is gone, I'm finding relief reading all the kind words and support from all of you.

I work from home so I don't have the luxury of getting out of the house everyday. I just can't get the image out of my head of seeing him supposedly sleeping his sedation off in his carrier and then realizing something was wrong, pulling him out of his carrier and knowing immediatly he was gone. How do I clear that memory out of my head? It seems to be playing 24 hours a day.

hello

you can't at the moment because its just such early days. It take weeks to get those images out of your head but eventually they do get less and less until one day you just start to think about the good memories.
I relived the last day over and over and over! After about a month, it got a bit less but its different for everyone. Even now, 3 years on, I'll have a flashback of that awful moment now and again.
I guess it just shows just how much we loved them.

All you can do is take one day at a time for now and be kind to yourself. don't expect too much from youself. He was a huge part of your life and you can't be expected to just get over that in a few days.

I just wanted to press a fast forward button because everyone said 'Time will make it easier'
Well that doesn't help right now.

Unfortunately this is all part of grieving. Its awful and its very painful but it won't always feel this bad. One day you will be able to talk about Jason and the joy he brought to your life without focusing on those last moments.
Just know that how you are feeling right now is normal when you loved someone so much.

take care
Von

A friend just sent me this poem and I thought I'd share it with all of you.

I thought of you today,
but that is nothing new,
I thought of you yesterday,
and will tomorrow too.
Remembering you is easy---
I'll do it everyday.
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.

I really like that poem!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing it.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh- I just read your story, it is heart-breaking. It's so hard to suffer a sudden, unexpected loss like that. Take comfort in knowing that your Jason lived 15 wonderful years... that is good for a cat, and treasure those memories. The "what-if" stage is a very hard one to go through.... it haunts you and keeps coming back into your thoughts. But I think everyone goes through the "what-if" stage. Also take comfort in the fact that he was asleep... so he probably passed peacefully.

I lost my cat Zorro to cancer at the end of June, and then my cat Ren to heart disease mid-August. I still think of them every single day, and still cry sometimes, but I take great peace in knowing that our souls are intertwined, and they have never really left me. Just as Jason has never really left you. I'm sure Ren, Zorro and Nemo will show him around the Rainbow Bridge. He is not alone.....

Hugs
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Today was one of the first days that I didn't have the overwhelming need to cry first thing in the morning. A friend and I went to a local PetSmart store and looked at cats that were up for adoption. I'm not quite ready yet but there was one there that looked like my Jason. He let me pet his paws and scratch his head. It felt so good to be able to feel that kitty fur again but at the same time made me really miss my Jason.

Can anyone share with me how much time they took before getting another pet? In a way I want to go out and get new kitties today. I know they won't replace Jason but I just miss having my best friend around. How soon is too soon?

Hey, If you feel that is right you go ahead. There is no time limit as to when you get another furbaby. You are not trying to replace Jason!!!!!
Some get them right away and some don't.

Myself I waited a few months. Not because I didn't want one, I just didn't feel a connection with any until this little one I have now. I know she will never be my Sissycat, but I can still love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and keep us posted on your decision!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to tell you...Last March 10th I lost my Catwife Miles. It affected me worse than any loss, animal or human I ever had.

Unknown to me, six days later Iggy was born on the other side of town.

I still get very sad when I find Miles' fur here and there, and the various things she....welll...broke, chewed, clawed, etc....but now I smile a little when I see them.

My wife told me that I never smiled or laughed from March 10 to May 13,..the day Iggy came home with me. When you are ready, when it is right...It's the only thing that healed me enough to function and work without bursting into tears. Poor Iggy has some big boots to fill, but he is such a clown he can only do a good job.

To see the change a new friend can make (And no, of course, NO individual can ever be a replacement for another!!) compare the tones of the thread about Miles, my Catwife, and the tone of "We have Ignatius" n New Beginnings and see what a new friend can do. They try so hard and work their hearts out to cheer us up. They know when we get sad, and then do something so outrageous, they distract us. They quickly get into tune with our moods, and know us better than most of our human friends, and know what to do by instinct.
I think they sense that we have a Love Surplus and respond to it and bond to us more quickly because of it.

I'm so sorry to hear about Jason - he's absolutely gorgeous btw! x please dont blame yourself or think about what ifs, i know its hard, my cat Squidge died recently due to a dog attack that happened way back in March, my what ifs were bad enough when she was left blind after the attack and they got so much worse when she died from it all. but from personal experience, those what ifs - if focused on - are truly awful. and please dont worry about crying - Squidge died almost 4 weeks ago and i still cry, its a grieving process and everyone is different, so dont feel you have to rush yourself or anything like that.

Oh Emma, what a horrible way for Squidge to die. My heart breaks for you.

Yesterday it was one week ago that my Jason passed. I'm still sad but doing much better. After much discussion with my doctor, NEW vet (I'll never use my old vet again), people that have been through pet loss, etc, I have decided that I'm going to adopt two new kitties. I was not thinking of adopting so soon but they just came into my life and it was love at first sight. They'll never replace my furbaby Jason as he was my first cat that I adopted by myself. I'm happy and sad at the same time, happy for the two new girl kitties and sad that they'll never meet their big brother. I'll post their pictures in New Beginnings.

thats wonderful you are adopting 2 new kittens! Of course they will never replace Jason but they will bring you much love.

As others have said, there is no right time. Everyone is different and its whatever you feel is right. I adopted Jet in May after losing Jack in January. I would have taken him sooner but they wanted us to be moved house first.

The way I looked at it, there are pets out there who desperately need our love and care and if we can give it, then we should. Then they will give us so much more in return.

That is so great!!!! I have to agree with von72 that there are so many pets that desperately need someones love. Do let us know how it goes. Who knows maybe your Jason had something to do with you finding them.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankyou, yeah it was horrible, but i just try to focus on that she's at peace now with my Nanny looking after her til we're reunited! i hope the kittens help you a bit hun, in the past when ive lost cats ive normally got a new rescue cat soonish after and found it helped, it isnt replacing them, you cant replace cats, the same as you cant replace humans. i think that you know when the timing is right and when you are ready and if you do get a new cat, then its giving a cat the chance to a happy and loving home. even though ive had a few different cats in the past, Squidge was there before them and had always been there, and i think unless i come across a cat that i feel really needs me and i feel ready, then it'll just be me and Mitz x

I look forward to seeing and hearing about your new kitties in New Beginnings. I am glad you made a connection. Adopting another doesn't make the grief disappear but when I did it, it did help me feel better again and hugging another furbaby was what I needed. I didn't want my grief to be in control of my life but I needed the help of another furbaby. They need a home and love. They have love to give. And so do we all.

It is good to read good news. Thank you for sharing.

Peace and healing. We never will forget our special ones. We will miss them forever because we will love them forever. But we do have room in our hearts for another..who needs us as much as we need them.

Judy

I'm so happy two little kittens found their way into your heart. Looking forward to pictures. They will never replace your precious Jason, but just add to many happy memories..Best of luck.. Ann

Hello all. Coincidentally, my tuxedo cat also by the name of Jason passed away on January 22 due to kidney failure. He had been on a special diet for years and was doing well, then he suddenly crashed over a few days. It was a shock to us, even though he was 15+. He had no major signs of distress until he slowed right down very suddenly last week. He acted normal and was very affectionate but obviously unwell. We took him to the vet last Thursday, but never brought him home. :-(. This kidney thing, even though he had had it for years, flared up so suddenly, and nothing could be done for him. It is a horrible but common cat condition, and can hide for a long time, then strike suddenly.

We always feel guilty, what did we do , what should we have done and when, we just don't like playing God in their lives, we do what we think is best at the time.

To good memories of Jasons!!!

That is so weird. I named my cat Jason because I adopted him on Friday the 13th. He was 15+ years also and looked alot like your Jason. He also had kidney problems and died the 16th of January, almost one week before your Jason. Again, he was also acting normal at home and was just in for his regular checkup when everything went wrong.

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your Jason. And I agree, "to good memories of Jasons"!

I just got Jason's ashes back from his vet this afternoon. The tears have started again.

Let them flow............it is very normal, natural, and very much okay. Don't hold back. He is a precious soul and I feel tears starting just reading what you just said.

It hurts so very badly when it is so fresh but having them in our lives is worth the pain. We just wish the sadness didn't have to be..but that is a part of it all that we can't control.

Hugs and crying with you,

Judy

I am sorry about your Jason, I know how you must feel, devastated. My vet called me tonight and my Jason's ashes are back too :-( It really hit home that he is gone. I am putting his little urn, his food bowl and his favourite toy on the mantelpiece. I am considering putting his ashes under his favourite tree in the spring, maybe. Now the other cat who has been with him for 14 years is lonely and driving us nuts.................

P.S. Turriri, your Jason is really cute!

It's been three weeks today since Jason's death and I still miss him like crazy. My mind keeps replaying the moment I found him dead inside his cat carrier on my living room floor. It seems like that moment is on auto replay in my mind. My two new furbabies help tremendously and I love them dearly but Jason will always have a big part of my heart. I hope he knows how much I miss him and still love him.

Like you and many others, I still see my boy just before he was euthanized (paralyzed with pain). It has been 9 weeks today. I don't have those visions all the time, thank goodness, only more at night when I wake up, when I tend to replay the last moments. I can only speak for myself, and yes, it does improve, and I am able to get through the weeks with more positive thoughts. It helps to have a picture of a healthy animal to refer to, because it begins to replace that terrible last vision of our cherished friends.

I wish you and your new friends the best, healthiest life possible. They will never replace Jason, but they will give you unconditional love also, and they will have their own, unique personalities. I hope that things will improve, and your days and nights will be easier. Hope is the operative word, and gradual is the pace.

This may sound far-fetched, but occassionally at night, I see the vertical blinds moving in only one spot, when there is no wind or air moving. I think it is my Felix, and I talk to him. I put his toys (a tattered crow feather and a squeaky mouse) back at that spot so he knows he is still welcome. I am not sure, but it is possible that he is moving around still. I guess it is a matter of faith. I am sure that Jason knows that you love him, and it does not hurt to say it (just in case).

Hi Turriri,

Congrats on your new furbabies and opening your heart to them! I am sure they will become part of your heart. Yes, nothing can ever, ever, replace your dear Jason- but the good thing is nothing has to. He has a part of your heart that is dedicated to him forever and ever, and I'm sure your sweet Jason knows that.

Happy three week bridge day Jason!

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Hi Turriri, it has been 2 weeks for us. It is difficult, especially for the remaining cat who keeps looking for his lifelong friend. I think with time, though, our hearts will heal, and we will have great memories of our "Jasons", regardless of any other animals we may have. I have a collection of photos and notes that I have made to remember my Jason. I'll never forget him, nor will you forget yours, I suspect. They were special and will live on always in our hearts and minds. They may not be here physically, but they are here in spirit. Enjoy your young furbabies, they need you.

Hi Jasonsmom,

You seem to be handling the two week anniversary of your Jason's passing very well. My Jason was an inside cat so I'm trying to figure out what to do with his ashes. He used to lay in the sun on our bed so I might bury the ashes in the sun by that corner of the house. I'm going to keep some ashes and put them in a cremation keychain that's shaped like a heart. I kept one of his favorite toys along with his picture and the keychain filled with ashes. I'm goingl put it all in a shadow box and hang it in my office. I know my broken heart will get better with time but I still miss my furbaby so much.

I got my Arthur cremated too. Having his ashes gave me time to do what I wanted. Like you, he is scattered all over the place. Most of him is in a memory box along with some toys. Some is buried in the garden near his catnip bush that he loved so much. Some I have in a box at my house and some in a pendant. You can do whatever you feel you want to. In some ways, for me anyways, it doesn't seem so permant. I kept his bundle still in the plastic baggie which enables me pick it up everyday and give it a big smooch...The pain never really goes away, but it does subside in time. The love will always remain..Hugs.. Ann

I thought about putting Jason's ashes under his favorite tree (he was an indoor cat but sometimes I took him outside to "help" me in the garden). Then I thought, what if we move? So right now he is on the mantelpiece with his dish, a wad of his fur, and his favourite toys. Tomorrow I am actually going to speak to an animal communicator (not sure I'm a believer but it's cheaper than a therapist ). It's worse for the other cat, though, he cried all night again, which he does every few days just when we think he's settling down. The vet gave us some Valium for him, but it doesn't work.

Turriri, I like the locket idea, not sure I can bring myself to open the urn though. Take care...................................

WHEN will I quit crying over losing Jason? Sorry, just feeling a tad bit sad today. Thanks for letting me sound off.

Jasonsmom,

I just caught your post and wanted to add a few things, since you're still debating what to do.

Our kidlets are buried outside, but WHENEVER we move in future, we'll actually be taking them up again (in their wrapped caskets; we preplanned for this) and then having them cremated. They'll do that here, casket and all - we prechecked. At that point, I'll be keeping their urns (when I buy 2 I like) indoors with me, and probably also getting one of those lockets as well. Regarding the latter, if someone ELSE could remove the small amt. needed FOR you, maybe that would make it easier? And re: burying ashes, you could always, in like fashion, bury an urn (wrapping it first so it won't degrade) and later take it with you if you ever move.

As for your remaining cat, I really wouldn't suggest using Valium on him. That will only result in him being rather forced to "stuff" his real feelings and then, to be frank, he could develop some kind of illness.....same as what often happens to humans when THEY stuff THEIR feelings rather than work through them more naturally. Or, his/her own grief will still be waiting patiently to be dealt with LATER, so the drug will only delay the natural process. In most cases, animals' grief doesn't last as long as humans' does, so I wouldn't panic.

That said, why don't you try some gentle and safe Flower Essences instead for him, AND for yourself? In a few more mins. I'll post a separate info. thread (not sure in which FORUM yet, though) all about FEs, so you and everyone else can read up on them and their use in cats. You could also consider finding someone who does distance "energy" type work for animals (your communicator may already know of one, or even do that her/himself) and do that, too, for your cat - animals LOVE energy-type work and usually find it very relaxing and soothing. Either or both of these things are also much safer than pumping them full of dangerous drugs, that really only MASK symptoms of inner turmoil (or of physical dis-ease) anyway.

Turriri,

Your question about: WHEN will I quit crying over losing Jason? Sorry, just feeling a tad bit sad today. Thanks for letting me sound off.

For me and my boy, my answer is there will always come times where the tears will flow..it doesn't matter how much time has passed. The pain becomes bearable but it is only natural to fall back into grief, because we love these babies so very much and we miss them terribly and it is that pain that cannot ever be completely gone because they are part of us forever and so we will always miss them....some days spring up where it is harder than usual. That's normal and natural. It is okay to cry...and feel sad. It is all part of grieving.

I had my boy over 16 years. You had Jason 15 years...that's a lot of good memories. It may help when you are feeling extra sad to think about the many times all was good and Jason was well and think about the love you two shared and will continue to share forever. Like I tell myself, I am glad my boy was in my life for as long as he was and that is something I can feel so very grateful about...that the sadness can never take away the happiness we had together. I find strength in thinking about that and it helps me through my sad moments.

Anytime you are feeling sad, come here to your topic and write your thoughts and feelings.
It does help to know it is okay to be sad. It helps to know you are not alone..not when you are here. The feelings you have...are the same feelings that are a part of all who lost their best friends. We never forget those feelings but in time we understand it is okay to grieve anytime it hits us and believe me, sometimes that sadness can seem to just come out of the blue. If you feel like crying...cry. If you want to vent, vent (and this is a good place to do that).

I am so sorry about what happened to Jason. None of us know how our babies will be taken from us..but we know the sadness will always be there. The way my Little Guy went was the worst of all my losses in my lifetime and I can type here and cry just writing this sentence.
But if I had the choice again...I would not hesitate to have him as part of my life. His pain is gone but the pain of our missing them does not leave us....it eventually gets bearable and sometimes buried for a while.

Hugs, Turriri. A hug always lets you know someone cares and cries with you every time.
Judy