Thanks, Furkidlet's Mom, for your suggestions.

I didn't really like the Valium idea either, but we needed to get some sleep after an entire week of the remaining cat (our tabby Fred) constantly meowing day and night (OMG I was so ready to give him away at this point!!!!!!) but saner heads prevailed. The vet said if we were really desperate to try the valium. We gave it to him one night and it did NOTHING! Sooooooo, we now let him sleep with us, he crawls under the covers and hogs the bed. And passes wind, phew. We spend time with him and play with him, and talk to him constantly, but he still cries for his friend :-(. It is sadder for him than for us, I'm sure.

I had to delay the session with the animal communicator, hopefully we'll talk this week, she also does Reiki, which I know nothing about but maybe it can help Fred.

I really have a reluctance to unseal the urn and split up the ashes, I think they belong in one place. I know they are not Jason, but it is one of the few remaining physical things we have left other than a wad of fur I got out of his brush that was collected 2 days before he suddenly crashed, poor little guy. He was such a trooper. Our nickname for him was "Cattitude".

But after reading aome of the other stories on this website, esp. Goodbye Rosie and Family, I realize we are actually very lucky. Our cat Jason had a normal lifespan and lived life to the fullest (making us laugh a lot the whole time) and we have no regrets about him, other than I wish we had more warning about his demise. I just wish cats lived for 30 years!!!!! Sorry to blather on.......................................

Cheers to everyone else who has lost a pet, pictures and notes and memeories help them live on in our hearts

Animals love all sorts of energy-type work, including Reiki. My gal got Reiki daily for 6.5 yrs. Cats often prefer Reiki by distance. I had my Level I so also did that with her hands-on (or just above her body).

For the ashes, or whatever you're considering, you just need to do what makes YOU feel better. It's really that simple.

Gotta run now, sorry!

Turriri, I hear you. Certain times of the day, I burst into tears too. When I am only filling up one cat dish, but still leaving space for the other one, when I come home, and the little grey and white face is not looking out the window, when the little grey body is not sprawled out tummy up on the carpet when I come in the house, when no one is bringing toys upstairs to be thrown and chased, when no one asks for the olives off the pizza....... I think I will never stop crying. Worse, I don't think the other cat will ever stop crying, they were together 24/7, for 15 years.

I think it just takes a long long time.

Hi Turriri- hope you are feeling better today. There is no right/wrong time to stop crying. We are changed forever by the loss of our dear babies, but it can change our understanding of the world, too. Makes us more aware of what is important and what is not, and of what is dear to us. I lost two of my precious cats within 1 1/2 months of each other. To say I was grieving would be an understatement. I lost my 16 yr. old Zorro (Jun 08) to cancer, and just a month and 1/2 later, I lost my Ren to heart disease (Aug 08). It changed me in ways I could never imagine. It brought clarity to a lot of things. It has started me on a healing journey and a self-discovery journey that I didn't realize I was even going through. I feel certain I will see my dear kitties again, and that brings me great hope. We never truly lose them... they are always still with us. I have made conscious choices to learn as much as I can since them. And my cat family that is still at home with me, I have made huge changes in their food choices, and learning about what's healthy for them, and what supplements help. I have moments where I miss them so much it's almost unbearable, but then as long as I keep breathing, I come back to just appreciating they are still really with me and I will see them again someday.

Jasonsmom- your cat that is grieving- have you tried letting him smell Jason's ashes? I heard a story about another cat that was grieving for the loss of their friend, and when they brought the ashes home and let that cat smell the ashes, the cat then stopped crying. I actually did that with the loss of my dear kitten Nemo. I brought his ashes home and let his half-brother smell them, and it was weird but he acted like he knew. For a long time, he would climb up on the shelf I had his ashes on, and just sit there, next to him. Cats know so much more than we realize...

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

To Nemo's mom,

I can't even imagine losing two in such a short time. I think about what a mess I am at losing one but two would be unthinkable. When you say you made huge changes in your remaining cat's diets, what are you doing differently now? Also, I like your thinking to just breathe. I'm filled with such sorrow that some days I can't see past the grief and want to curl up in a ball.

Words can't express what a help this website has been. I don't know what I would have done without it. A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has offered kind, encouraging words and thoughts.

Nemo's Mom

I can only imagine what it would be like to lose 2 so close together. Our other cat had an unexplained vacc site sarcoma removed in October, he would be gone by now if he hadn;t had the surgery (that really knocked the stuffing out of him for a long while). It seemed like as soon as he was fully recovered, Jason started his decline. If they were both gone within a few months, I don't know what I would do.

I am glad you have other animals that need you, it probably helps you focus and stay centered.

I have a real problem with opening the urn with Jason's ashes in it. So, we'll see.

Awwww you two are so sweet! Yes, I never expected to lose two so close together. I think I kind of flipped out for a little while, really. I just felt so helpless about what had happened to my two babies. I had desperately tried everything I could think of with Ren to save him. I suppose I was in a little denial, and was having horrible issues facing losing another baby so soon. I keep thinking, maybe this would save him, maybe that. I was also very angry at myself at first because the day Ren died (he passed at home), I found out from the bloodtests from the doctor that he was also in severe renal failure (he had heart disease). I had focused so much on his heart getting well, and I hadn't even realized he had renal failure. That was pretty devastating. My poor little baby. Ren died in Aug., and in Oct. 08- my cat Ivy was diagnosed with the same disease he had died of (cardiomyopathy). So I became determined to fight this disease with everything I had, and give my cats the healthy choices so they all could have the best fighting chance at a long life they could.

Anyways, Joanne on this board had been talking about grocery store brand cat foods and some of the toxins they contained. I started to look into it, and I was pretty shocked at what I found. I also learned that a raw diet is best (which I haven't done yet), but next best to that is canned (high protein good brands). The canned food gives the cats the water they need. I guess cats don't drink enough water, and this helps out a lot with their water intake. I also purchased two of the cat "water fountains" and that has encouraged them to drink more. I feed them EVO canned, Instinct canned, Wellness, CORE canned, brands like that. I also feed them Solid Gold Indigo Moon, which is high protein and low grain. Stay away from cat foods that contain corn.

I also researched Ivy's disease and found several supplements to give her in addition to her medication. She has done wonderfully on the supplements and they really seem to be helping a lot! Onlynaturalpet.com has some wonderful products

A really good resource is a book "YOUR cat- Simple new secrets to a longer, healthier life" by Elizabeth Hodgkins. After reading that book, I actually was able to see the signs of hyperthyroidism in my Mom's cat when I was visiting her... and she was able to take him to the vet right away. Very good book! I think I must have ordered 8 book on cat health after losing my two babies, but this was the best one.

Anyways, I hope that is a little helpful. It was actually part of my healing after losing Ren and Zorro. I just had felt so helpless with their passings, I wanted to try and do something positive that I could feel I was in control of, you know?

I hope you both are doing well! Hugs to you both!

Hey, Nemo's Mom - we're getting by. Mention Jason's name around our house, though, and the other cat's head swivels around so fast I'm surprised he doesn't have whiplash.

Watch out for the raw diet - cats are very particular, and they need a lot of various nutrients that they can;t get just from raw meat. When they eat in the wild, they eat the internal organs of their prey etc. A chicken breast or a piece of steak won't provide all the nutrients they need. And, being cats, of course their nutritional needs are not simple. Sigh. Nothing about the darn creatures is simple!

Just a brief note on the raw food diets - they aren't just composed of nothing but raw meat. If anyone's doing that, they're doing it wrong.

It's been 2.5 months since my Jason's death and I'm still at a loss as to how best to cope with all this grief. Just when I think I'm starting to feel better I disolve into tears.

I was going to write a letter to Jason's vet explaining how unhappy I was with his care and how I think she released him too soon from the pet hospital (since he died within a couple of minutes after coming home) but the vet who treated him is no longer with the clinic. I found out after he died that she had just graduated vet school six months prior to his hospitilization and now she's gone from the clinic. My husband called the owner of the clinic and asked what happened to Jason's vet but of course the owner wouldn't give him any information. She said that if I wanted to write a letter to Jason's doctor I could give it to her and she would forward it on. She also said she'd like a copy of the letter.

My main objective of the letter was to reach Jason's doctor and also let the owner know of my concerns over her employee's competence so this wouldn't happen to other people's pets.

What do you guys think, should I still write the letter even though Jason's doctor is no longer with the clinic? Since the owner knows my feelings, should I just drop the issue and concentrate on dealing with my grief? I'd love to know all of your opinions so thanks in advance.

You all have been such a help to me. I don't know what I would have done without this forum.

Oh man....this sounds so....so cover-up-ish, I'm not yet sure WHAT I'd do. But as a start, I think I'd first ask WHY you can't be given the information about where that vet's gone. What's it to the clinic owner, to cover that up.....unless that vet did a LOT of things wrong already, and so was let go, so they want no guilt by association? To me, this sounds like another case of "doctors protecting their own" no matter what. This makes me very angry, as it's so rampant everywhere, and does the client/patient no good. (so there goes the first part of their oath to "do no harm"!)

I just caught this before heading out tonight, so I'll think about it some more later...but much depends on whether you'd ever be using that clinic again, too. Ya know how it is..........

You might think of checking into seeing if there is a State Vet Board. I know some States have Medical Boards where you can find out the current address of where a vet is working. I believe they have to notify a Board of change of address as a license requirement.

Maybe there is a way also to ask on the Internet about how to find out where a vet is located, or maybe another vet you might know elsewhere might tell you how the best way would be to find a particular vet. In fact, you might ask one you don't know well by saying you wanted to write a compliment to the vet but didn't know where to send it as she has left where she was.

Just some ideas on maybe finding out where she is as what happened should be made public, like you said...where it happened...that owner should be aware how you feel about what happened, and if possible, either the State Medical Board for Vets may tell you over the phone they will take a complaint letter for the file or to be investigated (doesn't hurt to try) or her new employer should be aware of what happened. Maybe that is why she is gone. If it was something she is responsible for, whatever you can do may help prevent another kitty having to go through the same thing.

Unless it was someone else's responsibility and she left rather than stay with that knowledge.


Just some thoughts.
Judy

I would write the letter. If nothing else, it will help you work through your feelings of anger etc. and hopefully the message will get to the vet in question and she will learn from it. Sometimes just putting things on paper gets the poison out of your system.

The treating vet who took care on the care of my Goliath on the night he passed away missed something VERY important and sent us home. Less than two hours later Goliath died in my arms.

I did meet with the vet and also with the administration where I had the opportunity to express to them just how much Goliath meant to me. There were alot of questions going around in my head and I needed some answers. I just wanted them to help me understand what had happened. They listened to me and were very patient as I told them about Goliath and showed them my scrapbook of stories, pictures, and memories we made together. Every single peron who was in that room had tears pouring down their faces. Some of my questions were answered and others were not.......at least to my satisfaction they weren't. Shortly after that I sent the vet a copy of the letter I had writtten to Goliath. It did my heart alot of good when I let it all out with them. Though I'll never know for sure what happened on that dreadful night, I still think they do.

If I were you, I'd write the letter. Perhaps you can run a google search with the vets name. If nothing comes up, then the vet is probably not employed elsewhere as yet. In that case, the clinic would not be allowed to give out a home address. The ER I took Goliath to have meetings where they discuss what goes right and what goes wrong. Whenever there is a death, the entire staff gets together in discussion of why, how, and could it have been prevented. Just as human doctors cover for each other, so will vets. So, I'd write the letter and hope they pass it onto the vet who treated Jason. I'd be very upfront about the need you have to communicate with this vet. I do think by doing so, at least your heart will become less heavy. Ask around if anybody knows where the vet is praticing. You don't have to give any details to them except that you would like to send her a letter.

May you find some peace soon friend. I know it was important to me to let the vet who treated Goliath know exactly how I felt and how much he meant to me.

Hugs of love and understanding,
Beth

I will never use them again. The clinic is within five blocks of my home and across the street from our business so I have to see it almost every day. Not a good sight! It's ironic but after Jason died so many people told me horror stories about this vet and how poorly their pets were treated at this clinic. I have to say that before this last visit, I didn't have a problem with them, in fact, their vet techs are wonderful but Jason had never been treated by this inexperienced vet, only the owner/DVM. I can't do a face to face meeting with any of them yet but am still debating on sending the letter. In any event, my new girls have a new vet that specializes in cats. He's my husband's cousin and while his practice is great, it's not close by our home. I guess I'll trade a longer drive for my peace of mind.


Thanks for all the support.

Oh, wow....I can't even imagine how awful that must be to have to look at that place every day! I've not even been to any of the clinics my girl went to, since, and even driving by some of them from a distance....I always turn my head away, for I can't bear to be reminded of her illness near the end (and we didn't even have a fatal event happen at/with any of them). So you have my utter sympathies for that! OUCH!!!

Our local vet was a good 45 min. drive away, the closest specialist clinic we had was at least 30 mins. away (some closer to an hour, with traffic), so don't let that time/distance deter you. You couldn't have PAID me to use the vast majority of the closer clinics, the vets are all so deficient! So for me, my main concern became just WHO we'd happen to get if we had to visit one of the Emerg.'s (still 20 mins. away for the closest one), and the lone time we did have to use them for Nissa, they ended up sending us to the very FARTHEST one anyway, as they didn't have anyone on staff who could effectively diagnose and treat our girl for her sudden/acute glaucoma situation anyway! (yes, she lost her sight in that eye, and was the beginning of the worst and most frequent of our vet trips ever, since it was due to a sudden spike in high blood pressure) But at least they knew who could help her most on that particular Sunday.

As for your letter (or whatever action), I guess I was just too rushed yesterday, but I just remembered that I'd already posted a topic dealing exactly with such matters! It's called Bad Vet Resources (click on this), and lists a whole whack of sites where people have stood up in one way or another to confront vet mistakes, blatant malpractice, and the like. If you take a look at each one, even briefly, I'm SURE you'll get a whole BUNCH of wise and practical (not idealistic) ideas, not to mention very specific resources & support from those who've already gone this route, and so know all the 'tricks' and vital info. one needs before acting, in order to get good/better/best results. I think it's utterly pointless to act w/o this end goal in mind, as it will likely only ADD to the frustration, anger and grief from such incidences &/or attempts at rectification afterward. Again, I speak from my own experiences here, and had I known at the time that there were such groups/sites already existing, I would have turned to them for advice, too, in my own situations. There have been many of us here whose attempts failed because of ill thought out plans and who've ended up even more hurt by the vets involved -- and I was one of them once.

I'd posted this just FOR people like you, who'd had bad experiences &/or fatal mistakes made & weren't sure of how to handle things, much less where to turn to for "expert" & very experienced help.

[A general note that I'll take the opportunity to say here: I do wish folks would take a look at the topics in other, specific forums, or at least use the "Search" feature up top more often, as that's exactly why I post informative info. on various topics of concern -- so they'll have answers at their fingertips when they need it. Or, for those of you who HAVE seen these topics, please refer people to them when there's a need]

Oh my gosh. When my kitten Nemo died 5 years ago (I had taken him in to get him neutered, and he never came home), I had a really, really hard with the emotional part towards the vet also. I guess I will always wonder if I had taken him to a different clinic, if he would have lived. But I will never really, truly, know. Anyways, I have to drive by this clinic all the time, too! For years, it literally made me sick to my stomach to drive by, knowing he passed there at that clinic, without me. It's very, very, HARD!! I still get a upset occasionally when I drive by, but now I have settled into the fact that Nemo's spirit is not there, it is with me at home and wrapped in my love.

For your question about the letter- I don't know what I would do either. But do what-ever you need to do, what-ever makes you feel good. The fact that the owner behaved that way has to be very frustrating. I'm sure they are worried about getting sued. But this was a life we are talking about, and some compassion would have went a long ways from them.

Hugs
~NM

It's been almost nine months since Jason died and I'm still having a hard time coming to grips with his death. I think of him every day and still wonder if I did all I could for him. I have two new kitties that I love very much and wouldn't want to be without but I still miss my boy. I just wanted to let him know I'm thinking of him and missing him.