Hello everyone,

I came across your forum while researching the topic of coping with the death of a pet. It's a topic I've been trying to familiarize myself with for quite some time now, as our doberman, Deuce, has been afflicted with a number of maladies over the past couple of years: Addison's Disease, a heart condition... and most recently, a neurological disorder that has caused him to lose the reflexes in his hind legs. Sadly, at his age (approximately 9-10) and with his other problems, he's not a candidate for any additional surgeries or intense treatments; and after taking a turn for the worse this week, we've accepted that it's time to let him go. Deuce is being put to sleep tomorrow at 5:45.

Naturally, I'd always been wary of making this decision. I didn't want to make it too soon, while he may still have had some enjoyable time left; nor did I want to wait too long and reach the point where he was simply being kept alive without truly LIVING. Friends and vets alike had told me that "he'll let you know when it's time." I honestly feel like he's done just that. This week, he's been unable to stand on his own. He's clearly in pain, and he snapped at me last night when I tried to help him up--the first time he's ever snapped at anyone. I've had to carry him up and down the stairs, (not an easy chore with an 80 lb. dog, and he never liked being lifted even when he was healthy) and he just whines whenever he's left alone for more than a few moments at a time. He's not himself at all, and I see things only getting worse if we wait any longer.

We thought we were losing him 3 weeks ago, when he first showed signs of collapsing. I took him to his vet, who suspected that he was experiencing a heart problem and ordered overnight observation at an emergency facility. We feared that he wouldn't make it out of that facility. Instead, the next day, he showed considerable improvement! He was back home, eating, and even playing with toys. However, that was when we accepted that his long-term prognosis wasn't good at all, nor would it likely BE very long. Whatever was causing his loss of mobility was likely a spinal or brain condition, which would require a barrage of MRIs and risky surgery simply to diagnose--and we just can't subject him to that, let alone afford it. After conferring with Deuce's vet, we basically decided that we'd just try to make him as comfortable as possible in the coming days/weeks--and the next time he took a turn for the worse, we'd likely have to put him down. That's where we are now.

We're dreading what's about to be done in less than 24 hours, but anxious to get it over with at the same time.

We have 3 other dogs, besides Deuce. Ironically, he's not even the oldest. But I suppose being the biggest, and being a pure bred, he's just been prone to more problems. He's always faced them with the utmost stoicism, too. His vets were always amazed at how stoic he's been throughout it all. But needless to say, despite all the preparation I've tried to do for tomorrow, it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks when he's actually gone.

To this point, I've actually held up pretty well. I've accepted that it's the right decision at the right time. That became clear to me when I realized that hearing Deuce's crying and knowing that we could no longer do anything to help him was harder than the thought of losing him. I keep telling myself that this needs to be done; that this is the best thing I can do for my friend to ease his suffering. Those thoughts seem to help; but then I'll see something as simple as a favorite squeaky toy and realize that he'll never play with that again--and that's when I feel overcome with emotion.

I guess I just wanted to write in the hopes of hearing from those who've been through this experience before. Reading some of your stories throughout this forum has already helped a great deal.

It has also been a tremendously tough month on us. In addition to Deuce's problems, we learned that a close family friend committed suicide 2 weeks ago (a week after her 21st birthday), and on the very same day, another friend suffered a miscarriage. I almost feel like Deuce was somehow preparing us for both that grief as well as what we're about to go through tomorrow. After spending that night at the emergency vet, we were given this opportunity to spend more time with him and to prepare as much as possible for the inevitable. As difficult as it is, I have to think it's much easier this way--as opposed to losing a pet unexpectedly.

Any positive vibes you can send will be much appreciated... especially tomorrow around 5:45, as it certainly won't be much of a "happy hour."

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Hi,
I am also new to this site. i was looking on the internet for some comfort. My dog Buddy was put to sleep last Wed, Oct, 15th. I am his mom and treated him like one of my kids. We were solemates. I adored him and constantly worried about the day we would lose him. It is inevitable I guess but we were so close I never accepted that it could really happen. At first, because i knew he was so ill and suffering after 48 hours of intensive care at our vets with no improvement-we had to let our sweet, wonderful, friend and baby go. I did not want it to happen but we knew it was the only thing to do. There was NO WAY we wanted our dog to suffer another minute. Last night a lady named Ann responded to my first comments on this forum. Up until then I had been a complete mess, crying and second guessing our decision. She also had lost a pet and having been thru it, she was quite profound in her comments. She told me that we are right to make the decision to let our dog go. They are in pain and are suffering so there is no question that we have to take care of them even if it means we lose them. We do this out of unselfish love. Then, they are gone and we grieve. I am consumed with grief. We realize that they are really gone and want them back. Did we do the right thing?? What have we done?? How could we do this to something we loved so much? We look at Buddy's toys, bowls, blanket and just burst into tears. Ann and others told me this was normal, but it did not help. Then she said something that really hit home and today I can actually function. She call's it the head and heart battle. You know in your head that this is right, but your heart still can't accept it. We want them back but realistically we know it was time to let them go. It's a battle we have to deal with as you will. But I think it help me deal with my enormous GUILT and REGRET. Our dog was a beautiful soft coated wheaton terrior and he was and always be in my heart. On the Friday, we went to our cottage to celebrate our Canadian thksgiving-we stopped to buy vegetables at a nearby farm and Buddy was running and barking at the cows nearby. We left our cottage on Sunday because we just knew he was not feeling well. By the time we got him to our vet-they admitted him and did extensive tests-pancreatitis and renal failure. SO FAST! From your story, you too have given your dog a great and deserving life of love. Keep these thoughts with you.
Deb

Hi Deb,

Thanks for your kind words and for sharing Buddy's story. I'm very sorry that you've lost such a wonderful friend, but am sure that he'll remain in your heart forever. There's a terrific quote from Thomas Campbell that I like to recall during times like these: "To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." That most certainly applies to our pets, as well.

This is exactly why I came to this site--your reply has already begun to help. The "head and heart battle" describes the process perfectly, and we'll have to remember to focus on that during the toughest moments.

Tonight is Deuce's last night with us, so it's especially difficult. I find that I'm conscious of every little thing now... When I carry him up to bed in a few moments, I'll think "this is the last time I'll be doing this..." When we wake up tomorrow morning, I'll think "this is the last morning I'll wake up to his face..." And then there'll be the last meal, the last treat, etc. etc. etc.--it's just heartbreaking when we focus on the void he's about to leave. But as you pointed out, these are the natural occurrences during grieving. I just have to continue to remember WHY we're doing this--for Deuce. He's in pain, and he's not happy living this way. He doesn't want to live like an invalid, while watching our other dogs continue to thrive and do the things he'll never be able to do again. As much as losing him hurts us, relieving his pain is now of the utmost importance.

I know that in time, this painful void will heal--and we'll once again be able to smile and laugh at the countless wonderful memories he's blessed us with. The same holds true for your family with Buddy.

Deuce is a beautiful boy and I have been through the pain you are facing.

I had to make the decision to euthanize my 17 year old dog Merlin over two years ago. I kept wishing he would just peacefully go in his sleep, but like you I knew when he reached a stage where he was just too uncomfortable. He could no longer settle, he would yelp when I touched his stomach. He would just pace continuously and he had lost all bowel control. I spent many, many months caretaking him, but when he reached a stage of being continuously distraught, I made the decision you have made.

Although I cried a lot at first, and this boy was my longest lifelong partner, his passing was easier to accept than others I've recently been going through. His body was no longer functioning. This is no-one's fault, and nature is saying that it's time to let his physical body go. Although it was the most painful decision I've made in my life, I did not look back and regret my choice... I knew it was time. I did and do have peace with this.

Painfully, I think we may soon be looking at a similar decision for our oldest dog Rosie, who is almost 17 years old. She doesn't have much bowel control and her back legs give out on her. She falls down and can't get up then she barks for about half an hour before we go to sleep at night. She is still eating, and walking so we are not making the decision yet, but I know it could be anytime. I only met Rosie in 2005 when I met my husband. It will be harder on him because of all the memories. I have only known her as a "little old dog lady". But still I know that when she is gone there will be a huge void. She is a sweet pixie - a border collie with papillon style ears.

Thinking of you and wishing you much strength and peace in your decision.

Jan.

Thank you, Jan. That also sounds much like what Deuce has been going through. His back legs no longer have the strength to support him, and he's clearly frustrated, in a great deal of pain, and is simply exhausted from fighting this battle we cannot win. While he hasn't completely lost bladder and bowel control, I know that isn't far off and hope to spare him from that stage if at all possible. I can tell that he's uncomfortable and hates requiring assistance to go outside (after falling several times on his own, he's been reluctantly letting me support him while he goes. After which, I have to literally carry him back inside.)

Even on his worst days, he rarely had accidents in the house, and when he did, he looked so completely ashamed--it broke our hearts. It was like he genuinely regretted putting us to any trouble cleaning up. I know it would distress him even more if and when it came to that, and he's made it very clear that he's just so tired of feeling miserable. I'm just hoping that tomorrow will be a brighter day for him--just to enjoy a few more precious hours together; loading him up with lots of treats that he wouldn't ordinarily get to eat, and then going peacefully and painlessly--surrounded by his favorite vets and with mommy and daddy holding him tightly.

Hi dobermandad--------You have found the right place for your pain-------We all ache for you-----God bless your beautiful baby boy-------My boy passed on sept-3----No words to describe........We are all here for you..............
Bubba...........

I am so sorry about Deuce. It is very hard no matter what the causes. You were blessed to have had him in your life and to be able to prepare to say goodbye(or should I say see you later). You did the right thing. Many here have talked about the "quality of life" aspect. Deuce was ready. The emptiness will be hard at first, but time will lessen that. My thoughts and prayes are with you.. Hugs. Ann

Dearest Dobermandad, I am so very sorry. Deuce certainly is beautiful and it's easy to see all the love between you two. Please know that you and Deuce are in my thoughts and prayers and I wing many Angels your way for comfort and guidance through what must be just about the most gosh awful difficult time in your life.

Big Comforting Hugs, Love and Many Angels to You and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

My thoughts and prayers will be with you at 5:45 this evening. Freeing Deuce from his pain is no doubt the most unselfish gesture of love you will ever have given him. It takes alot of courage and love to make this kind of decision.

May the Lord be with you and your family as you say "goodbye for now" to Deuce. One day all of you will say "hello" once again.

Hugs of comfort from my heart to yours,
Beth

Dobermandad, Deuce sure has been a lucky dog to have such a loving family. Our animals really are amazing creatures. They ask for so little, and endure so much just to stay with us. I had a lab/whippet mix (Abby) who lived to be almost 17. Like you, I carried her up and down the stairs. She was always a leaper, and her legs became weak in her old age. They would collapse on her if she turned to quickly. I'd rush to pick her back up. She endured many health issues, and was a survivor of cancer. She still asked for her little stroll every morning, still ate well etc. Then one day we were on our stroll, and her legs gave out. She just looked up at me and I knew it was time.

I then lost my lab Lizzy to cancer last Oct. An incredibly strong dog who played hard her entire 9 1/2 yrs. The cancer came quickly and was quite a shock. She lived a few more months after the diagnosis. She still played every single day. But one night it was obvious the cancer spread and she was in distress. The next morning I told her we were going to see the dr. to take away her pain. During the procedure I told her "no more pain Liz" and of course how much I loved her.

I will be thinking of you, Deuce and your family today.

I want to thank you all for your responses--it has been a tremendous help. Deuce is "sleeping in" this morning, (and this afternoon, as it were) as we've taken the day off work and are just trying to lounge with him until it's time to go. He didn't sleep well overnight (nor did we as a result) but seems to be more comfortable today, thankfully.

I've been trying to visualize how we'll feel when it's over with, and we're driving home from the vet without him... focusing on the positive parts of this and trying to feel good about relieving him of this pain, rather than the obvious fact that we're just going to miss having him around like I can't imagine.

Hi Dobermandad,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this most difficult time. All of here feel and understand your pain during this difficult time. Our furkids give us so much unconditional love that it seems to hurt so much more when they leave us. But as you said in your quote and as I have always believed, they live forever in our hearts. This is why when I miss my Fleetwood the most I draw from within and can almost hear him purring in my ear again.

You and your family have made the right decision please do not second guess this because it will only add to the pain. Deuce knows you love him and knows you are doing the best for him. For that he will always be grateful to you. Cherish the many memories and don’t dwell on these last days, Deuce would not want that for you. When the time comes, hold him tight and when he leaves don’t say good-bye because from time to time he will come around to check on you to make sure you are doing OK.

I will be thinking about you and your family through out the day. We’re here for you so make sure to let us know how you all are doing, together we will all carry the pain with you.

Mark
Missing Fleetwood

Hi, Dobermandad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in what you are facing in the next few minutes. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they may go home to the angels with their dignity still intact. Anticipatory grief is hard because you know your time together is limited but you still have your beloved Deuce still physically with you sharing your life. Euthanasia is comparable to stopping life support for a human family member or friend, and the grief journey after a loss takes on a different dimension. The "good" news is that you are not alone in this new phase of loss, dobermandad. We will be here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

As 5:45 approaches, I wanted you to know my thoughts and prayers are still with you and Deuce, as well as your loving family.

May you be blessed in the comfort of our Lord as Deuce leaves this world for another. God's loving hands will be receiving Deuce's loving spirit soon and keep him well until you and he meet one day in a place where there is no end.

Much love and comforting hugs from my heart to yours,
Beth

Dearest Dobermandad, I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now.



Please know that you and your fur boy Deuce are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to you both.

I thought it may help if I told you a little about one of my doggies named Maiden but I'm not too certain so I'll wait. I have a dog now named Buddy that I rescued about 8 years ago and he's so very dear to me. I've got a cat named Styx, too. Before Buddy dog there was Trader dog and before Trader dog was Maiden dog and ... Well, I'm just gonna confess to you. I'm sitting here talking with you as tears stream down my cheeks because I've been where you are and my heart is practically literally breaking for you, Dear One. I can feel it again through you.

Please know that we all understand here at LS and it's through caring and sharing that gets us through these gosh awful difficult times. To me, they're about the most gosh awful terrible times of in our lives bar none. Okay, that's not any comfort at all to you and I'm so sorry. So very sorry. What I'm trying to say is that I realize it may be so very hard for you to even see your key pad or PC monitor through your tears. However, sharing and caring leads to healing. And it takes time. For some or many, it takes lots and lots of time and we'll still be here.

Again, please know you are in my most urgent thoughts and prayers. Do take your time.
We're all here for you when you're ready, Dear One.

Tight Comforting Hugs and winging Many Angels to you and Deuce for Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dobermandad---------I have had to make that trip to the vet more times than I care to remember.I grieve with you.You will get help from many people here at LS.Probably the most reasearched and well thoughtout book I have read on the likeliness of reunion with our pets in the next conciousness is a book entitled 'Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates' authored by Gary Kurz.I t has brought me great comfort and reassurance in the recent loss of my boy Willy.God bless baby Deuce.Remember tomorrow morning you are one day closer to being with Deuce forever.See you at the BRIDGE,

Bubba.............

Thank you ALL for your wonderful support throughout this ordeal--it has meant a lot and has helped more than you probably know.

We took Deuce in at 5:45 as scheduled, and his face actually seemed to light up when he saw his favorite vet techs--he knew exactly where he was and that the pain would be over soon. For some reason, that immediately lifted my spirits a bit; and I became much more comfortable as we entered the building and I remembered how the entire vet staff loves Deuce and has cared so much for him over the years. This allowed me to focus on the RELIEF aspect of this decision, rather than merely the sadness of losing my dear friend.

We sat on the floor with him; my wife cradled his head and I lay down so I could be face-to-face with him throughout it. At one point after the doctor administered the drugs, he let out the most relaxed, peaceful-sounding sigh you could imagine--it was literally like all the pain had just been washed away at that very instant, as I'm sure it literally had. It was the kind of sound you'd make after working an exhausting shift and finally collapsing into the most comfortable bed imaginable. He lay perfectly still the entire time--completely calm and quiet--until he simply stopped breathing. It really was just a matter of seconds. The vet was wonderful, too--she was so gentle with him (and us) and kept talking to us throughout the procedure, reminding us that Deuce wasn't in any pain and knew that he was surrounded by love right to the very end. It made such a difference.

It obviously hasn't sunk in yet that he's really gone, and I'm sure it will hit us like a ton of bricks in the coming days and weeks. But for right now, I'm grateful just for knowing that Deuce has left us peacefully and is no longer in that awful pain. He's in a much better place, and certainly will always remain in our hearts.

I've attached a small graphic I've been working on this evening... a little tribute to Deuce (and something to occupy my mind, as sleep doesn't seem to be an option just yet...)

Many thanks to you all!

Richard

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Dearest Richard and your Lovely Wife, I'm very relieved to hear all went so well. What a Beautiful graphic you made in Tribute and Loving Memory to your fur boy Deuce, too. Truly awesome. I'm sure he sees it right now, feels so happy, proud and loves you and your wife so much! I prepared a little something too and wanted to wait to post it until after you came back and talked about how everything went. It's not much as I don't really do graphics at all but try with what I know how to do. Still, it's sort of a virtual "Candle Light Memorial" and I hope you, your wife and Deuce like it.











Richard, please do keep us posted when you're able. Like you said, it may hit you later like a ton of bricks and we're here for you. Or, you can even come here to talk with Deuce. I come here lots and lots to talk with my Alex and find it very comforting to bring him images, songs and videos he loved so much and ones that I'm sure he would love to hear. I'm sure he does hear them, too. You bet. So, please keep in touch when you're able and when you feel up to it.

Comforting Hugs, Love and Peace to You, Your Lovely Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie, thank you so much for your kind words and tribute to our special boy! It genuinely brightened my day.

I truly appreciate the folks on this forum who have opened their hearts and shared their painful experiences--it really has helped both prepare us and sustain us throughout this ordeal. I definitely plan to continue here, as this grief will undoubtedly be an evolving process. At some point, I hope to be able to help others as much as those here have helped me already.

Bless you all!

Richard

You're very welcome, Richard. We do hope to hear from you soon. As I said before, do take all the time in the world. We'll still be here.
I pray that you and your dear wife are doing all right at this time and will continue to be okay. It sure does make a huge difference when one has such a loving Vet and Vet Techs. I know it's made a world of difference for me and so many others who have been where you are.

Bless You, Your Dear Wife and Fur Boy Deuce with Love and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, Richard, I am getting caught up on my posts, and want to tell you how glad I am that Deuce's passing was a peaceful experience for both him and for you and your wife. While this doesn't prevent the difficult adjustment to the loss of Deuce's sweet physical presence with you, it will help to comfort you. Each time I have had to make the "E" decision for my furkids it never ceases to amaze me that after the process is completed and before I release my furbaby's body back to the staff for cremation, I always see them smiling. This doesn't stop my heart from selfishly breaking because I no longer have their physical presence with me, but eventually I can look back at that final moment and see their smile - - and that helps me to realize that they are happy now once again healthy to their former selves before the illnesses took over their bodies. Richard, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing with us about Deuce. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I wanted to add that I am not sure what I can add except that I am where you are, Richard. This is the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. My heart breaks for you, and for now, let me offer my condolences.

Hi, Richard....I was here yesterday and had a reply for you but I got disconnected from the Internet so I saved it and am now posting it today. Sorry I was not here earlier. Here is my reply I tried to post yesterday:

I'm sorry I missed your original posting recently but I always know there are many here who know the right words to say to help because everything that happens is a shared experience and a familiar one.

I am sorry it was Deuce's time to go but from everything you have said...it is the right decision for him..and all your thoughts and reasoning are exactly what you need to concentrate on..to heal.

Especially when you said about remembering WHY the decision was made. That is so very important because it reminds us...we did it for them...it was what they needed. We put aside thoughts of any pain to us because of it and then afterwards...it hits us and so we have to keep remembering the WHY...that helps us cope with such a loss.

Deuce found a beautiful home and you two found a special boy that became a part of your heart and now will remain there forever. The happy, healthy days will never be forgotten and we are grateful they were a part of our lives.

I hope, as you said, you do return here anytime and share your thoughts and feelings. This is one place where we all truly understand such a loss. We share the same pain and so many of the same feelings and if we find a way to cope that helps us.....we do not hesitate to share it with someone newly in that overwhelming pain we know so very well.

Take care....Deuce is truly at peace and not in pain. Making that decision for them is the hardest we ever have to make because we know the pain is heartbreaking but it is a decision we make...for them...not for ourselves.

My favorite saying of a Mom here is:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

This really helps me a lot. I remember it many times and it can make me remember the joy part and smile...usually through tears....but yes, a smile and that smile helps.

Judy

Even more wonderful quotes and thoughts--thank you all so very much.

I received a lovely email from Deuce's vet, thanking us for sharing his life with them and allowing them to be his caregivers. I can't express enough how grateful we are to have such a caring veterinary staff taking care of our dogs; it made such a huge difference on Friday, especially, seeing how happy Deuce was to know that he was in their loving hands. They comforted us at least as much as we comforted Deuce during those final moments.

This is going to be a tough week. I find that I'm constantly looking for him, and expecting him to be in places where he typically used to be (taking up half the bed... sitting with just his rump up on the sofa... scheming ways to steal food from the other dogs' bowls when they're not paying attention... etc., etc., etc.) But just feeling the tremendous relief that he's no longer here SUFFERING has already helped a great deal. By far, the piercing sound of his cries in those final days was harder to bear than the actual euthanizing. Seeing that he experienced such peace and comfort in his final moments has helped us begin our own healing process.

Moving on to the next phase, (and perhaps this would be better suited as a new topic, but I'll pose the question here first) we were told that Deuce's ashes may be ready as early as tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm sure that's going to evoke yet another set of emotions, bringing him home in that state... As we've never experienced this before either, I was wondering what many of you have done with the containers bearing the remains of your beloved pets. I'm not sure it's something we'd "display" in the traditional sense of the word, yet it also doesn't feel right to put it somewhere away and out of sight... And then there's the question of which room he would want to be in. When I consider all these things, I keep coming back to the simple fact that Deuce just wanted to be wherever WE were. If we were in the kitchen, he'd be there with us. If we were working in our studios, he was there. When we went to bed, he went to bed with us. We were literally never apart from him in this house.

That having been said, I think I'm leaning towards keeping his box someplace in our bedroom, since that's where our days begin and end--just as they did for Deuce.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Richard

Richard,

This is all new to me as well, as my baby died on 10/11/08. We picked her ashes up a few days later, as her passing was on a Saturday. We drove to the crematorium on that Tuesday. We had the same issue. For now, and maybe for a long time, we take her remains with us. She always loved being by our side and in the car with us and doing everything we did. I miss her so much, I feel I cannot breathe. In reference to your question though, for now she is either in the office or bedroom. If we are in the living room, she is there. I know her spirit has moved on and these are simply her earthly remains. If you aren't sure of where to put them yet, take them with you and decide on a spot as time goes along. What feels best for your heart and where Deuce's remains feel right to you. I don't know if that helps, but for now, it is what works for us. Blessings to you and I am so sorry for the loss. May Deuce soar high forever.

Sincerely,
Carol

Hi Richard,

i just want to say that getting the ashes can be a tough time. To look down and say thats all I have left of my furkid. I did it 6 times in the last 2 years and I found I really wanted them in the bedroom. Thats where they all loved to pile up on and were so happy. I like to know they are close by when I go to sleep and keep them on the bottom of my nightstand which is open on the bottom. It sounds weird but it helps me. I feel they are still part of the family that way.I also keep pictures of them there also. I hope you get through this tough time. There are few things harder in life but you were lucky to have him. You are in my thoughts ...Barbara

Hi Richard, I didn't have a bad reaction when I got Arthur's ashes. I was just more relieved to know I had him home. I found a memory box at a pet store. I decorated it myself with pictures and poems. He is kept in his orig baggie, so this way, I can pick it up, which I do everyday to kiss. We also buried a little in yard where he loved. I have a little at my house and some in a jewlery piece. But for the most part we keep him in the living room. I would suggest putting him close by his favorite spot. Having ashes is good, because the way I look at it, it buys you time. If you want to bury him, you can, if you want to put him in drawer until the pain eases, you can. The option is totally yours. It will come to you naturally from within your heart as to where you place him. . ..many hugs.. Ann

Hi Richard--------I have found it to be very comforting to have Willy and all my other dogs ashes in a little memorial spot in the family room(My wife and I have no human children so they truely are our family) surrounded by lots of pictures of each of them.This, for us, insures that their presence is ongoing and they are continuing life in their other form.Keep an eye out for visits from Deuce.If you are open to them they will happen.God bless your boy.

Bubba...............

Richard,

Reading your story brought about a lot of emotions in me (and I'm at work, so I should probably pull myself together ). I lost my min pin a couple weeks ago...it was unexpected. She was only 4, and I believe she ate something in the yard within the 2 seconds I wasn't hovering over her. I had to leave her at the vet, because she was pretty ill, but I couldn't stay with her. I knew in my heart she wasn't going to make it, and I would have given anything to have laid with her as she passed away. But then I read your story, and making the choice...you would always be thinking about his last moments. However, I believe whether in my case or yours, we still second guess, or wonder. I'm so happy to hear that it was a peaceful experience for Deuce and you. Having a supportive vet staff must have been wonderful.

As far as your question on the ashes, I'm having the same concerns. Unfortunately in my town, it is a 1-2 month wait for ashes...and part of me can't wait to pick her up, because I just want her home with me. Knowing she's out there somewhere drives me crazy. Although I know that all my emotions from the first couple days will most likely come back. We went online to purchase a special urn that is very "her", and we will be framing one of her photos and setting it next to it. I may put it in my room, for the same reasons you stated. However, I may put it above the TV. I decided on a relatively small urn so it won't be a "display" but she will be there.

I also saw some jewelry or small pendants in which you can put a bit of ashes in. My husband is currently deployed, so sadly has not been able to be part of her passing or the process of receiving her ashes, but he wants to get a pendent to carry with him, and I believe I will do the same.

Let me know how it goes for you receiving Deuce, so I can prepare myself. As I've been telling some of the other pet parents on here, I'm quite sure Deuce is being a big ol' fatherly teddy bear with all our pets. They are all playing and running together. I'm sure my Penny is cuddling with him, even though she's probably only the size of his head:)

My thoughts and prayers are with you,
~Shannon

Dear Richard,

We chose our bedroom to keep Goliath's urn for the same reasons you stated. It is still at night when I miss Goliath the very most. He sits on the top shelf of the TV console with a light that shines down on him. Next to Goliath is an angel and a candle long with a picture of him and a picture of my Hubby and myself. Goliath's collar sits above the urn and will never be worn again by any other.

After we brought Goliath home, the bedroom just seemed to be the perfect place. He is the last sight I see before turning out the light before I go to sleep. Somehow having him there helps me to sleep just a little bit better knowing he is in the room along with us and his baby brother and sister. My Hubby did buy me a gold heart locket and had Goliath's name engraved on the back. The front of the locket has a paw on it and I wear it around my neck on my deceased Mother's gold chain. I never take it off.

I'm sure you'll find the perfect place for Deuce.

Much love to you and your family,
Beth

Richard, I am not sure if you have an urn selected or not. Sometimes the vet will have a catalog available with various urns. Or the place that handles the cremation may have one. For my last two girls I chose a beautiful decorative oak box. On the front their is a place to display a picture of your beloved. They also usually come with a brass plate that you can have engraved. On my first dog I have her puppy picture displayed. She was always so playful and I wanted to remember her that way. My other dog Lizzy loved the outdoors. So, I chose a picture of her enjoying the sunshine and she really looks as though she is smiling in the photo. I have both urns on a bookcase with their collars and angel and lab statues surrounding them. There are also pictures of them on the bookcase and on the wall. These are all in my office bedroom at home...where I spend alot of time.

Oh, and I actually found Lizzy's urn online and had the crematory order it for me.

Hello all,

I received Deuce's ashes yesterday, and am still surprised at how quickly this was all facilitated. He passed away on Friday, was apparently cremated on Saturday, and his ashes were ready on Monday. For some reason, I expected this to take several weeks--which I feared would have been even more difficult emotionally; because just whey you're starting to cope with the loss, there'd be that renewed shock that I thought would come with accepting the ashes. Fortunately, that wasn't the case yesterday.

I received a call from our favorite (and Deuce's favorite) vet tech, letting me know that his ashes were ready. Stephanie took the time to discuss how wonderful Deuce was right to the very end, and helped to ensure that I was in a positive frame of mind for receiving the ashes. I was, and drove over to pick them up shortly after our call.

It was a bit awkward going in for a couple of unrelated reasons. First, there was a woman and her young daughter standing outside the office crying. I felt horrible walking past them, just knowing that they must have been in the midst of a dire pet emergency. I would have liked to have said something to comfort them, but had no words whatsoever; so I looked down and kept walking. Fortunately, the office was relatively empty when I entered. I think there was one customer in the waiting area. However, the receptionist who spotted me first was one of the few new employees there who had no idea who I was or why I was there--Stephanie, who certainly would have wanted to be the one to deal with this--was on the phone at the time. So the other girl asks if she can help me; and after telling her who I am, I said "I'm here to pick up Deuce's ashes." That was a bit tough, because I didn't plan on having to explain my presence, let alone repeat it. (It apparently didn't register with the girl the first time I said it--maybe because I wasn't crying?) When I repeated it, I could tell that she instantly felt horrible for not realizing the purpose of my visit. I tried my best to play it off, so she wouldn't feel bad.

Stephanie saw me and quickly ended her call and took over. Thankfully, she was the one who delivered Deuce's ashes to me.

I was pleasantly surprised by two things: one, the container is a beautiful, simple, varnished wooden box that is slightly bigger than I expected. (But then again, Deuce was bigger than the average Doberman...) It's very elegant and understated, and found myself relieved that it didn't look at all like what I perceived an urn to be. Secondly, it came with something else that I wasn't expecting--a paw print casting they took from Deuce's paw. I recognized the print immediately, and felt a lump forming in my throat. What a wonderful, lasting, tangible keepsake--I hadn't thought to take paw prints of our dogs myself. Seeing it now, and with his name lovingly written below the print--it was really special.

The vet office also has a number of memorial rocks outside that customers have personalized over the years with paint, markers, etc. I asked Stephanie about this, as we would love to create one for Deuce. (Especially as he used to make it a point to pee on all the others!) She said to pick any rock we wanted and decorate it however we liked. One of the vets would varnish it when we were ready, and then we can place it in the garden with the others. That will be another lasting tribute for our Deuce.

As I left the office, the distraught mother and daughter were still outside. They had collected themselves, and were sitting on a bench. Again, I couldn't face them; but I thought I heard the mom sigh with grief--and got the distinct impression that she noticed the urn I was carrying as discretely as possible... I think she also wished she could say something, but as I'm sure all of you know, words aren't always necessary.

We have a small enclave in our main hallway that now seems to be the perfect spot for Deuce's little wooden box; It's right there in the heart of the house, where we will see it and pass by it countless times each day. We're also planning on adding a wall of photos in the space behind it, which I think will provide a wonderful little area for us to see and remember Deuce constantly.

By the way, Bubba--Deuce has already visited once in a dream, and it was great. He was running and jumping after his leash with that huge smile of his--something he hadn't been able to do in quite some time. It was like he was letting me know that he is happy, healthy, and thriving in his new form--which we already knew.

Richard
Click to view attachment

I wasn't able to attach both photos to my previous post, but wanted to share the paw print keepsake as well. The funny thing is that Deuce probably would've eaten this if he'd seen it... because it does resemble a giant cookie. And how that boy did love cookies...

Click to view attachment

Richard,

Your story and the tributes you are planning for Deuce are so so beautiful, and I can feel the love you have for your baby. I am so so sorry for your loss. I don't have much to offer in the how-tos of dealing with this, as I am walking the path you are. I have been reading your thread and the posts you write about Deuce and all you have been through. Wish there was more I could say, but the urn and pawprint marker are beautiful, and it is wonderful that he came to you in a dream. Blessings and may Deuce soar high and give my baby a sniff or two, as she is new to the pearly gates as well.

With a broken heart,
Carol

Hey Richard-------That's good news-----sometime down the road those dreams we have of our babies will be our own reality and we will be with them forever so hang on as the time will pass just like it always has--------forward motion---nothing stops it-------nothing.
Bubba..........

Thanks, guys.

One thing that's really stood out to me this week is the overall effect of Deuce's absence. I knew that the void would be tremendous, but what's odd is that in our multi-dog household, it actually feels like we've lost MORE than just one of them. I don't mean that in the emotional sense, but literally--Deuce's personality, energy, and physical size easily matched that of two or more smaller dogs. We're fortunate to still have our other three wonderful pups, but without Deuce, the house actually feels empty.

As I may have mentioned, our other three include a 14-year-old Shepherd/Border Collie mix, a 9-year-old Siberian Husky, and a 3-year-old Boston Terrier. Ironically, Deuce was the second youngest of the bunch, but the first to leave us. The older dogs are remarkably spry, and as you'd expect, amazingly in tune with what's going on. They've each had several uncharacteristic accidents in the house this week; and while I've been coming and going regularly since we had Deuce put to sleep on Friday, only once have they greeted me at the door with excited barking--that was Monday, when I brought Deuce's ashes home. It was like they sensed that he was returning with me, which in a manner of speaking, he was indeed.

The Husky (Lexus) has the trademark Type-A personality, and always made it a point of bossing the others around--particularly Deuce, who despite his size, really was a big baby. She seems to clearly miss him the most now, as she frequently lays near the front door, hoping he'll come home. Before I placed Deuce's collar near the urn, I let Lexus inspect it. Immediately, she pulled away, as if she couldn't bear it. She then lay down and looked profoundly sad... It's truly amazing, how they seem to just KNOW.

Dear Richard, I'm sorry I've been away so long. What a beautiful urn/box and awesome paw print of Deuce you have! It certainly makes for a great Tribute and Memorial to him along with a really nice photograph and/or perhaps the graphic you made of him in a lovely frame to go along with both. You picked the perfect place to put them.

I'm so sorry you ran into the woman and her daughter crying. It makes one feel so helpless and one doesn't know what to say except to give a thoughtful and caring look to them if they do look up at you. They feel you, too. Truly they do. Like you said, as you were leaving and they had collected themselves, the mom noticed you and what you were carrying then gave a sigh as in sympathy. See, many times no words are needed at all.

I'm wondering how you and your wife are doing at this time? It sure has been a tough, tough week for you both.

God Bless You, Your Dear Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'd like very much to do something with both the images of the urn/box and the paw print with hearts. The urn box makes me think in images of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics (gold in color) dividers above and below the photo but I don't know how you'd like that and I sure don't want to offend you. Deuce's paw print with the red hearts makes me think of double dividers of paw prints either all black or various colors in "a line" added with a second heart shaped divider both on the top and bottom. I'll wait to see how you're doing before I make or post any images, Richard.

Hi Richard, I'm happy to hear your experience with Dueces ashes was not to tramatic. They did a great job with the urn. I so love that paw print. I wish I had something like that. Duece IS happy and healthy now, that's what he wanted you to know in your dream. As for the other dogs in your home, they do sense it. They know. Always say hello to your buddy when you pass him in the hall each day. Ann

That's very sweet, Dottie--thank you so much!

Yes, they do. I let Zeus, our other cat, check Ziggy's body. He was visibly disturbed. He had checked on her while she was sick also and was visibly disturbed then also.

He rarely comes in my office, which had been just finished and had only been inhabited by Ziggy in her sick state the days before she died. I'm sure he thinks of it as her dying room and doesn't want to be in here. Ironically, Ziggy - in my other office room - had been my "office partner" so it is noticably empty without her presence. I had brought in the cat house and scratch post for her, and can't bear to take it out. Zeus won't touch it. The dogs are pretty much okay about things, probably more upset about me being upset than anything else. One thing strange though was that when I had Ziggy's body in a plastic box, before burial on our acreage, my little border collie Asha was protecting it from our German Shepherd, who wanted to sniff it. Ziggy is buried by her favorite pond where she used to watch the frogs, next to a statue of the Buddha and with two candles for her and for Zita. Two special souls both whose lives were cut unnecessarily short. So sad...

Jan.

Dearest Richard and Wife, you're very welcome, Dear Ones. I take it that means it's okay if I do something in one of my posts with those images? Hey, if you don't like what I do, please let me know and I can "edit" to change the images I've made. And, don't worry in the least about 'hurt feelings'. Ain't no such thing as hurt feelings when it's a matter of taste and that's *your* fur boy!

Many Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and Angels to You, Your Lovely Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, Richard, I'm reading through the recent posts and smile at your bringing Deuce home again. Your tributes to him are so heartwarming, and your plans to put pictures of him in the alcove with his ashes is so very special. Of course the dynamics in your home have changed with the physical absence of Deuce. Scientific studies prove that each living creature has an "energy" which interacts with others they are a part of. When that "energy" is removed, there is a physical, as well as emotional, reaction to that loss. It never ceases to amaze me that even the structure of the house seems to mourn the loss of one of its household members. When my number one kitty son Eli died almost 2 years ago, my little kitty boy Noah went through a very long mourning period. In fact, he was very angry with me because the last time he saw Eli was when I took him to the vet for our final journey together - - and Eli did not come back except after his cremation. For several months it was very clear that Noah blamed me for Eli not coming back alive. He knew Eli was very ill, but Eli had always come back home from his trips to the vet. Noah still misses his big adopted kitty brother very much, as do I, but Noah knows that I love him with all my heart, and he lets me know that he loves me back. It is just going to take time to work through all of the "adjustments" associated with the physical absence of Deuce. Some days are going to be okay and other days may find you struggling just to make it through. But please know we are here for you through all the ups and downs and highs and lows and twists and turns that go along with this healing journey. And please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dearest Richard and Wife, here's something I hope you'll like. Now, don't be shy if you don't like it because I have a very lovely tiny animated butterfly divider that moves from both sides to center then back out then back to center and so on that's contemporary and also has meaning as in from a cocoon to a butterfly. I just see Deuce's urn as so regal and royal. When his photo is added, it makes it seem all the more to me since Deuce is so regal, too! It's just my own taste though and may not be your cup of tea so do let me know if you'd like to see something different. Okay? Okay! here it is ...

Comforting Hugs to All!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I tested with different amounts of space between Deuce's photo and the bottom image. This is what looked best to me, but you might like me to change it and I'd edit out this PS. More Hugs!!!

I'm glad your boy is home now. I think your plans to honor him sound simply beautiful.

Yes, I can understand how your other dogs reacted as they did. It does seems that somehow they do know something big has happened...they are so very sensitive.

I'm glad you have other fur babies...I have found that has helped me in the past...

The paw print is gorgeous. The best I can do is pictures in every room so I can greet my special ones every single day and this way they are part of my life everyday..in a special way.

It is never easy to lose these precious ones. You sound like you are on a good path toward healing but if you ever want to talk....that's what being here is all about...and there are always
many here listening....and waiting to help...

Hugs to you and your family.

Dearest Richard and Wife, this is not what I have in mind at all for Deuce's paw print image but I wanted to post something to show you in Loving Memory and Tribute to Deuce. Yes, it's kinda pretty but I can do 'bunches' better. Please bear in mind that LS only allows four images per post so I can't do all I'd like. It's only right to save bandwidth and also allow others with slower computers to be able to load each page here faster and with more ease. Yep. Hope you both and Deuce like this "interim" image. Here you go ...









To give you a rough idea, please click on the URL links to the images below. Also bear in mind that I can change the height and width of any of them including what I posted. I did make the "heart line" on top a darker red to match the image as well as removed the white background on the image. You'll see that below. I included the animated butterfly line so you can see what it looks like from the description I gave and you may wish to save it to your files. So pretty. Here are the URL Links to click and I have more in my files that are really nice ...

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...euce21jp2q0.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MySpotFour/love.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...neHeartLrge.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MySpotFour/swirl.jpg
Need to shorten above at www.myimager.com

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...tterflyLine.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...euceLineAni.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...ineHeartMed.gif

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...eHeartMed-1.gif
Made above darker red. Need to add transparency to remove white background

http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l179/MyS...artMedTrans.gif
Transparency added. Still could be darker red.

*Note to self: Need to take most gifs to Gif Works at: http://www.gifworks.com/image_editor.html

Hello again. I pray you're both still doing okay. How is everything?

Many Hugs and Blessings to You, Your Dear Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. The dividers closest to the image are supposed to be touching it as in the other image and I ought to have made the hearts darker in hue. Sorry about that. Will make corrections when I find the perfect images. I do hope you like these though. Hey, I'm going to go make those hearts darker right now and do an edit. BRB and More Hugs!!!

Dottie, thank you so much for taking the time to put together such thoughtful tributes to Deuce--seeing him in this different light is almost like seeing new photos of him for the very first time, and very special. It's also fitting that you chose the Egyptian theme, as Deuce's regal Dobe head always reminded me a bit of the ancient hieroglyphics of Anubis, the jackal-headed god.

moon_beam, you are so very right about there being a distinct feeling that even our house itself is mourning the loss. The energy is drastically different without Deuce; and in hindsight, I can recall a lesser sense of this phenomenon during the times when any of our dogs had an overnight stay at the vets. The house is simply DIFFERENT whenever the family dynamic changes--even for just a few moments without them--and it really reminds us that life IS essentially energy. When that individual energy is missing from our home and from our lives, THAT'S what we notice.

I believe that when our loved ones pass on, that energy doesn't die along with their bodies. I think of all the funerals I've attended over the years, including one just over a week before Deuce passed. It always strikes me how distinctly different the body is after death, without its soul--it's energy. That energy is clearly what makes us who and what we are, and death doesn't END that--it simply CHANGES our form. I heard a very keen ana-logy recently, which likened the soul of the departed to a ship disappearing on the horizon. When the ship left its dock, you saw it at close range in its full, tremendous size. But as you watch it sailing out to the horizon, it gets smaller and smaller... until eventually, it's out of sight completely. However, you know that it's still the same, full-sized ship; and just because you can no longer see it doesn't mean that it's not out there. I believe that's essentially what occurs with death--the spirit departs from the body much in the same way a ship departs; and as with the ship, our perception of its form simply changes as it makes its way across the horizon and out of sight.

You're very welcome, Richard. Also, I think you may be a bit psychic. I was thinking of Anubis when the ancient Eyptian theme came to me because Deuce being so similar in appearance!

Exceedingly regal and royal indeed. Look at that. Holy Cow!

Anubis is among a very small handful of the most ancient Egyptian gods and felt by many if not most of the ancients to actually be the son of Ra. Wow! According to ancient Egyptian mythology, Anubis is the god who is friend and guide to those who have crossed over leading them on their path through the afterlife. He tests their knowledge of the gods, their faith and places their hearts on the Scales of Justice during the 'Judging of the Heart' in the 'Hall of Judges' ... All 42 of them.

But, I wasn't even thinking of any of that. Honest and for true. My thoughts were only of the physical resemblance to Deuce. Still, cool beans! Oh, Deuce is royalty though. No doubt about that.

Big Comforting Hugs, Love and Peace to You, Your Dear Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I do love the study of all ancient cultures, and Egypt is at the tippity top of my favorites. Just one of my passions along with archaeology, paleontology, astronomy, physics, anatomy, forensics, and all that kind of "stuff." Who'd a thunk it?

PS. PS. Yes, I certainly do a lot of those. The "PS." thing, that is to say. Something else just popped into my noggin. See the image of the golden Egyptian hieroglyphs that I chose for one of Deuce's Tributes? Look at the very first hieroglyph to the far left and the last one on the far right at the top and bottom which I placed there. It's an Ankh. Oh My Goodness. I know that you know the meaning and significance of the Ankh to the ancient Egyptians as well as millions of people to this current day in all cultures. The Ankh is the symbol which represents Eternal and/or Immortal Life!

Dearest Richard and Wife, I, like Albert Einstein, also believe that ... Well, let me quote him and I hope I have this verbatim since I've not googled. One of my very, very favorite and most sagacious philosophical quotes by Einstein is: "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice." In other words, it ain't no coincidence that you and I thought of Anubis given all his mythological "duties" and his great resemblance to Deuce. Also, it ain't no coincidence that I chose that golden Egyptian hieroglyph image displaying the Ankh to the far left and right for above and at the bottom of Deuce's Tribute ...

Deuce does indeed Live Eternally!!! Now, how wonderful is that? *Big Smile!* And More Hugs!!!

Next, I'd love very much to discuss what you posted above giving actual scientific, medical and laws of physics proof that we do indeed continue after we've shed this most confining mortal coil. You bet we do. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings and Deuce with us. Many Bright Blessings!

Hi there,

I just wanted to add my sincere condolences to you. I just caught up with your thread, I haven't been on as much this week. He looked like such a sweetheart, I know how it feels to miss such a precious furkid such as your. I pray you and your family will find some comfort and know he's at peace.

All my best

Candy's Dad

Hal

Dottie, isn't it amazing how everything all comes together for a reason? There really are no coincidences in life. Thank you for further cementing my belief in that.

I also wanted to share another idea with the group that is helping me cope with losing Deuce. I know I'm certainly not the first to do this, but when I placed his collar beside his urn, I was compelled to remove his dog tags and wear them on a chain around my own neck. At first, I thought that the familiar sound of the tags jingling might bring overwhelming sadness; but instead, it's been extremely therapeutic having this little piece of him with me at all times, wherever I go.

Click to view attachment

Hi, Richard, I did so enjoy reading your post about the transition of the soul after death. That is very inspiring, and many sympathy cards have this depiction on them - - the open sea with a boat close to the horizon. Your wearing Deuce's tags is also a great idea. If anyone asks you about them you can say precisely they are your "Dog Tags." This has brought a thought to mind: Have you thought about having a Christmas ornament made with Deuce's picture on it to hang on your tree this year? The holidays are going to be "different" this year from how you have celebrated them in the past. Please let us know how you are doing, particularly through these next several weeks. It's hard to be "jolly" when your heart is grieving - - how well I know. But we are here for you, and please know you are close in thought and prayer.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam