I posted in October about losing my sweet Zita. At the end of December I adopted Ziggy who I swear was related to Zita. She had the biggest healing purr I have ever heard from a cat. She wasn't Zita but she was a very special kitty and was so appreciative and happy in our home.

On Saturday she came home after 5 p.m. with wounds to her abdomen. I knew it was serious. She went to the emergency vet. Over the last 5 days we spent about $1300 on vet care.

We thought she was going to pull through but this morning at 6 a.m. she let out a distressed sound and stopped breathing. I reached into her crate, but she had left me.

The vet is pretty certain she was shot by an air gun. People can be so evil and cruel.

I cannot believe what has happened. She loved her "drippy water" from the sink and I will miss her leading me there and her huge gigantic purr.

My "helper" cat who helped me to deal with my loss of Zita is now gone... Life is not fair.

My heart is broken.

Jan.

Oh Jan.......I am so sorry to hear this about Ziggy. My heart goes out to you this morning. Having to cope again so soon after Zita's death must be a horrendous load for you to carry. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.

Life doesn't seem fair sometimes. To think that someone may have deliberately used Ziggy as a target with an air gun sickens me. It's such a senseless and cruel thing to do. How sad it is to know there are these kind of evil monsters that lurk in this world.

You did everything you could to save your sweet helper Ziggy. God bless her for what she brought into your life in providing you with comfort and healing after your precious Zita passed away. Ziggy's mission here on earth was a very important and special one.

Jan, my thoughts and prayers are with you this morning. I send you hugs of comfort and love from the bottom of my heart. May God's peace and love be with you today and always.

Hugs,
Beth

Oh Jan, my heart cries for you and your precious beloved fur child Ziggy. I'm so terribly sorry for your sudden loss. How tragic and you must be feeling such terrible pain right now. How can people be so cruel, cold and heartless to do such a thing as using an air gun or any type of gun on such a dear, sweet, loving, defenseless, beautiful fur kid as Ziggy?! I don't call them "people" because humans are not capable of such unconscionable acts. I call those abusers monsters and they will have to answer to a Higher Power. And all this so soon after you lost your beloved Zita. I'm so very, very sorry!

Please know you and Ziggy are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to comfort and guide you through what must be one of the most gosh awful difficult times in your life, Dear One. Will be lighting candles for you both, too. You may light candles online for free as many and as often as you wish for Ziggy, yourself or any reason. I find it comforting and a very loving experience. If you desire, just click the Light a Candle image to show you where this can be done.



Please come back and talk some more when you're able. I know your grief, sorrow and pain is so fresh and raw right now as Ziggy only just passed to The Rainbow Bridge. Through our tears, sharing and caring, we can begin to heal. May loving Angels bring you Peace!

Sending Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dearest Jan, I've found this song so comforting at times like this and hope it helps you, too. Remember, a breath away is not very far at all to where Zita and Ziggy are. If you're able to hear and view videos, please click on the photo of your precious fur kids to watch and listen and I'll post the lyrics to the song, too. God Bless You, Dear One!





Sending More Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Zita`s Mom
Jan
i am so terribly sorry
i remember Zita`s story, never found her way back home
that you lost now your sweet little comforter
Ziggy, shot
OMG
i am so sorry, i am thinking of you, i am sending to you my deepest sympathy
yes, you are not alone, somebody wrote that today, in another thread
i know, that is very little to offer
feeling with you
Eva

I feel the intensity of your pain am so so sorry for your loss.

I lost my best pal Ming exactly a week ago today through old age (he was nearly seventeen and I was with him till the end). But I know the agony of losing a beloved cat through the evil of others. Our Tinky was poisoned in 1991 and my baby black five year old was kicked hard and died five year ago.

Please know your pain is a shared pain and you and Ziggy are in my thoughts.

Jools

Oh Jan,

I am so sorry for what happened. I don't know why sometimes they are taken away from us so quickly. It makes it very hard. I just lost my cat Ren about a week ago, but I was still trying to get over the loss of my other cat just a month and half earlier, to cancer. I know you must be feeling terrible pain. I don't know why anyone would be cruel and shoot a cat, it just makes me sick. I'm glad she was able to come home to you after the wound happened, and didn't die there. That way, you got to see her again.

I am so sorry~
Ren, Zorro and Nemo's Mom

Thanks for the caring thoughts sent to Ziggy and me.

The vet did a post mortem and she said that if they had done exploratory surgery instead of stitching up the abdomen they would have found damage to the organs, and perhaps she could have been saved but only at that critical time. I knew nothing about additional exploratory surgery and with all the damage I wonder if anything would have helped. What's done is done, there was just one emergency vet on call that I knew of and that's who we ended up with.

What an amazing cat, with all the pain she must have been in, purring when I stroked her. At least I had time to tell her how very much I love her and how terribly sorry I was that this happened. She just purred. I so prayed she would recover from this senseless injury, but it wasn't to be. I do know she loved it here and she was so very appreciative. I'm just so sorry that we will not get to enjoy her physical presence.

The pain of this is overwhelming and I suppose if it doesn't kill me it will make me stronger. All of our 3 cats lost over the last two years were young cats, 2 3 years old and Ziggy just 5. I had my cat Missy until 12 years old when she died of liver cancer and we live in a remote area where traffic is not much of an issue.

Ziggy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. We have publicized her story on the local tv station and I will capture it for youtube very soon with the intention to find out who hurt her.

I don't know why but both Zita and Ziggy were extra special healing type kitties and taken from me so early. It makes me question my philosophies about life and I can't find any sense in it.

thanks again for the support.

Jan.

First I am so very sorry about both your beautiful furbabies.
I know what you mean by people being so cruel. My loss 3 months ago was an accident, but now I wonder if it really was. My Sissycat was run over up in the edge of my yard. I have her 2 sisters still and have caught this person swerving across the bar ditch trying to hit them on purpose. Wish I could have figured out who it was.
I hope you get justice for your Ziggy.

Many Hugs to YOu!!!!!!

Thank you for reminding me of this candle site. How do I find a candle that you have lit?

I hope that the love connection between both Zita and Ziggy and I will shine bright once I too cross rainbow bridge. These are such special animals. Time seems to fade memories, but I do hope we will recognize each other in love...

Jan.

Hi Zita's Mom, Oh, how I hate stories like that. My heart hurts for you. So sad. So cruel. Please find comfort in knowing you did your best to save her. The wrong place at the wrong time indeed. I lost my Arthur 3mo ago. His tail was pulled. There was about a 4in gap. It caused serious nerve damage to his organs, we had to let him go. Vet instisted it was car. But he was so afraid of cars. I think if he got grazed he was seconds from escaping. He was afraid of people, did he get in a situation where someone actually yanked him. Never will I know. The whys of this all will haunt us forever. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You WILL have that connection with Zita and Ziggy again. Memories will fade a lillte but we will never forget them entirely.. Hugs.. Ann

Dearest Jan, go to the Website. Here's a direct link for you to click: Light a Candle ... Then in the upper left corner, click where it says "Search" and type in the initials: DZ and that should take you to your candle.

There's not much room to write a message so I wrote: "For Jan and her precious fur babies Ziggy and Zita. Sending Many Angels for Comfort, Guidance Love and Peace. Thank you, God! Amen." It's signed "Dottie from United States."

You're very welcome for reminding you of that site, Dear One!

Many Angels and Comforting Hugs to You and your Fur Babies Ziggy and Zita!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thank you for your thoughts and I'm so terribly sorry that there are people about who would kill an animal without conscience. I have posted posters on the mailboxes where we live asking for information and we have publicize the incident as well as contacted the police. It is such a meaningless waste of life for such a pure and loving creature. I honestly don't know how I will get over this...

Jan.

I am so sorry you lost your Arthur. I spoke to someone yesterday who said the loss was almost as hard as the loss of a human but that you get over it a bit quicker. For me it is the complete opposite. I have never grieved for a human the way I have grieved for a pet. My cat Missy died of liver cancer and I felt like I had the cancer myself as her illness worsened. My old dog Merlin lived to 17 and the grieving was easier because he had had a long life and saw me through until I had a new partner in my life. I think he knew I would be okay and his body simply couldn't keep going.

We have lost 3 young cats in 2 years. The first was a bit of a wild girl, Tiffany - she messed with a big dog who fought back and she was killed - that was really sad, but somehow the grieving was not as hard as the last two. Zita was my buddha cat, loving and sweet - always came when I called her, just a loving beautiful soul. Then she disappeared. Ziggy was my helper cat, she helped me to deal with the loss of Zita. Ziggy was also an extremely loving cat. She didn't like being picked up but loved to be stroked and have her belly rubbed. She dropped her jaw and "sang" like no other cat I have met. I had no idea I would be losing her so quickly. She so appreciated our home and ran to the sink for her fresh "drippy water" which was so cute. She loved our home and fit in even with our 5 dogs. Zita and Ziggy were extremely special pets and it hurts to the core of my soul.

It was said that our hurt is a measure of our love. My husband said today that the only worse thing than grief is never having loved at all.

Jan.

Oh my gosh, Dottie, I do know this song but I only just had a chance to click on your link and the tears just don't stop...

They are good tears though because of the love they represent.

Thank you for that link.

Jan.

Jools - I am so sorry for all your losses. The losses through the acts of others with no conscience are so difficult and make me question why evil like this can happen and why there is no protection from spirits/angels/God whatever it is you believe.

Someone said to me that the material existence of earth is like a blink of an eye to the spirit world and so from their perspective it is not so bad. It certainly is bad for us here who have to live through it somehow.

Jan.

Beth - thank you for your thoughts. I think there are people, like most of us on this forum, whose love for their pets is so profound that other people don't necessarily understand our grief.

The other day, someone said to me that I talked about the loss of Zita a lot and that I hadn't let it go. If someone's child, or spouse or sibling went missing and no body was ever found, no-one would expect them to "let it go" if the answers were never clear. I don't mean to cling to grief, but always wanting to know exactly what happened. With my dear Zita, I was not there and could not comfort her in her moment of passing. I was there for Ziggy, although I didn't realize at the time she was taking her last breathe.

Jan

One other thing I found out last night that physically makes me ill.

My regular vet did a post mortem on Ziggy, and found that the emergency vet only stitched up the abdomen but didn't open the abdomen to see if there were internal injuries. I had no idea what was supposed to be done, or what was correct protocol. It turns out that Ziggy's bowel was severed. The painful part is that Ziggy's bowel could have been stitched together that emergency night, and we were "force feeding" her under vet's recommendations but she had no bowel to get rid of the food. The vet tech said that even without food the fluids from the bowel would have poisoned her. That night I brought her in was the only time she really could have been saved...

I am not a vindictive person, but the vet's mistake cost my Ziggy's life....

This hurts, big time.

Jan.

Hello Eva

Thank you for your support and knowing I'm not alone does mean a lot - it is my lifeline right now.

thanks again.

Jan.

Hi Jan, I feel your pain and anger big time. First the senseless death of your precious baby and now the possibilty of preventy this. I too, have never grieved for a human like my pets. Not yet anyhow. I was talking to my partner tonight about how I was feeling about Arthur. Never did in 3mo. He seemed annoyed at me. Like, what your not over this yet?? I tried to tell him how I felt, that he was in the vet's way and they just wanted us to put him down cuz they had no time for him. He said he'd be a mental wreck if he thought like I did. I feel like if I could have sat with him awhile, maybe my presence would have calmed him enough for his blood pressure to regulate and he could have had the surgery and then I would have known for sure if he could have been saved and have a normal life. I kick myself for not demanding that. Like you this seems to be my life line too, cuz Dave said it upsets him when I talk about Arthur like I do. He just recently lost his Father and said he was more upset of losing Arhur. Keep your ears open around the neighborhood for any more gun shots. I hope you find that person. It could have been an accident too. You just don't know.. When I was about 8 or 9 yrs old there was a kid next door who use to sit on his roof and toss shingles at my cat. We kept one of her kittens only to lose her and other neighbor cats to rat poisoning he put out on purpose. This kid was the Devil. 38 yrs later I can still see that evil evil face. I hope you get the answers you need to heal your pain. Hugs.. Ann

QUOTE

Oh my gosh, Dottie, I do know this song but I only just had a chance to click on your link and the tears just don't stop...

They are good tears though because of the love they represent.

Thank you for that link.

Jan.

You're so welcome {{{{{Jan}}}}} Are you ready for another? I pray you find comfort, love and peace in this song, Dear One. It's the most beautiful song of Blessings that I've ever heard in my life and I wish to give these Blessings to You and your Precious Fur Babies Ziggy and Zita with Much Love!







Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby. Back to the years of Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow. Bless you with love for the road that you go.

May you sail fair to the far fields of fortune with diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet and may you need never to banish misfortune. May you find kindness in all that you meet.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May you bring love and may you bring happiness. Be loved in return to the end your days. Now fall off to sleep. I'm not meaning to keep you. I'll just sit for a while and sing Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.

May there always be Angels to watch over you. To guard you each step of the way. To guard you and keep you safe from all harm. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley. Loo-Li,Loo-Li,Lai-Ley.


Many Angels and Comforting Hugs to You and Your Fur Babies!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Ann

My husband says almost the exact same things about being a mental wreck if he thought like that. I guess everyone copes in their own way. I feel depressed and mostly numb, having opened my heart to a new cat who won me over and now having to grieve her too, especially knowing that I took her to the wrong vet at a critical moment that her life could have been saved. I wake up sick, thinking that the vet's were insisting we force feed, when poor Ziggy had a severed bowel. I kept telling her that she needed to eat to get better, because she was getting jaundiced and the vet had said that when cats don't eat it affects the liver. Oh my poor sweet girl, she would have been better off without any of the veterinary "care", just to be given the love and care to die peacefully. But if it had been the "right" vet she would most likely be alive. Life is just plain unfair, and I honestly don't know how to get over this or find any meaning in it.

I have the same thought about the emergency vet - I wanted to be with Ziggy while she operated, and the vet asked me to wait outside. If I had insisted to be with her maybe I could have asked the right questions... having no idea what they needed to do... I am sickened by the whole thing.

My dear sweet Ziggy, such a cruel ending to her life for such a gracious and appreciative cat...

Somehow nothing else matters very much to me right now.

Jan

Oh Jan, I know that feeling. Nothing else matters very much to me right now. I feel the same exact way. I keep trying to tell myself it's over there's no turning back, Arthur is never coming back. And if I did make a mistake I'll have to learn by it for the next time. It doesn't take away the hurt, we just can't bring them back!...Now, Piper is missing. My Sister-in-law just dumped her on me a few weeks ago. We've been taking care of her for 2 yrs while they "got thier life in order" after a move to another state. Little did I know she had no intentions of taking her back. She just told me that if she takes her back she's just going to "get rid of her". She's a sweet thing of 7yrs. No problem at all. Sleeps most of the time. My Dad let her in around 530p and doesn't remember letting her back out. I can't find her in the house. I've been searching til 2am. Nothing. She usually doesn't stray far from the house. This in not a good sign.. Will update any news. In the meantime Jan, I know those "doubts" are going to stay with us for a long time. We just have to find a way to concentrate on the good life they had with us..Big Hug.. Ann

I'm so very sorry that you lost your cats. Someone SHOT Ziggy?? Another poster's cat died because it's tail was pulled? That's just unfathomable cruelty. Those aren't human beings. Those are monsters.

I find it comforting that there are far more people like the folks on this board, then the devils that do such horrific deeds. I swear if I ever had caught someone hurting one of my dogs, ya'll would be corresponding with from my home in jail...

Ann - I'm sending my wishes that Piper is safe and sound and will return quickly. After Zita disappeared her brother Zeus was not allowed out at night. Still sometimes he slipped out and I would be just sick about it and sure he'd be dead. But Ziggy, we weren't too worried about, because she never wanted to go out at night and she never went far, always within calling distance. I just never, never thought Ziggy would be gone so soon. The risks should have been minimal for her... There is virtually no traffic where we are - we live on an acreage and a dead end street.

I somehow want there to be meaning in this, but frankly I don't think there is - I think it's just a random series of wrong place and wrong time, then a suffering sweet soul's life was prematurely ended. I just feel this "I don't care about anything" feeling right now - numb and sick inside.

I know a lot of people who believe in the idea that we attract everything in our life to us - what a horrible thought that having intensely loved, and cared for my pets, giving them the life that I imagine I would want as a feline being that I could have somehow drawn all this horror to them. My poor Zeus, he is going through the same as me. He was deeply attached to Zita, then he became attached to Ziggy, which was quite amazing because my husband's cat never bonded with Zita or Zeus and I wasn't sure Zeus would bond with another. Now Zeus is going through the same grief as I. He eats his food alone, when there were always two eating together. He no longer has company on the couch or the lawn chair where they loved to sprawl together. I wonder if he hurts as much as me. The weird thing is I love Zeus but my bond with Zita, then Ziggy were much stronger, if I'm really honest. I guess because both were extremely sweet cats, both "healers" whereas Zeus is more independent - Zita was my kitty buddha, Ziggy, my "sound" healer - her purring was so loud my mom could not hear me on the phone sometimes.

Just the evening before she got shot I was telling her what a wonderful sound healer she was...

I couldn't look at any cards or books with orange tabbies on them after Zita disappeared, but after we got Ziggy I bought a mother's day card for my mom saying how "purr-fectly wonderful" she was, with two orange tabbies on it - I was going to label it Zeus and Ziggy. I forgot to give it to my mom when I went to see her (she lives in another city) and she said not to worry, so I was going to save it for the next year. I just came across it looking for a birthday card. It's those little things that hurt.

My stepdaughter was not that bonded to either cat and my husband just seems to not think about it, though she really loved him and he knew it.

At night she used to snuggle against me and I miss that so much!

After we lost my family dog, my dad never got another pet. He could not deal with the hurt, and that dog was 12. Having lost 3 young cats I can understand not wanting to love any new ones. With me, I can't help myself falling in love with animals. It is what brings me joy, but now such intense pain.

take care Ann and all others who are going through a dark time of grief.

Jan.

Thanks for your note. I have put posters up on the main mailboxes in hope that this person is found.

There are some sick people out there who take joy in taking away the life of innocent creatures. Of course we didn't see what happened, but we talked to all our close neighbours and all have pets also and know nothing about what happened.

The vet said the injury went straight through her abdomen so unless a perfectly round stick type implement went through her it must have been a bullet.

Thanks again for writing.

Jan.

Dearest Jan, I realize that "once you had the rarest rose that ever deigned to bloom." And two days from now, it will have been a week since "cruel winter chilled the bud and stole your flower too soon." My heart as well as my eyes weep for you and your tragic loss due to some monster's cruel act and I felt a very urgent need to find a way which could somehow ease your pain, sorrow and grief. Since I express myself far better using images, poems, songs and the like, I chose two for you this day. Please, first read the poem that I'm going to type out if you would? Then, when you reach the bottom, click on the image that I chose, enhanced, framed and beveled. To me, it's the perfect image to accompany the poem.

Remember, once you get to the end of the poem, please turn up your volume and click on the image which is titled "Cat Heaven." No, it isn't a song. This is something very special. It's a gift which beautifully compliments the poem as though they should go hand in hand. I hope and pray that all you see and hear will be of some comfort to you, Dear One. God Bless You Most Abundantly!!!






Winging Many Angels and Hugs Your Way to Comfort You, Guide You and bring You Peace and Love!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie - thank you for that poem and for the lullaby which is beautiful. I couldn't bring myself to listen to the lullaby until just now, because I have to be ready for the tears. It is so heart warming that you care so much for people you don't even know to do these things. There are so many caring people on this site, and your contributions are so special. I really, really appreciate it.

We put up posters about Ziggy's shooting on the two of the group rural mailboxes and this morning one was ripped down. My husband is out there now putting it right back up. There is a guy in the neighbourhood we spoke to when Zita disappeared with 2 teen boys, who told us cougars were rampant at night. He drops his kids off at the bus stop early in the a.m. when the poster must have been ripped down. Though we spoke to him when Zita disappeared, he wasn't exactly warm hearted and friendly. We don't know and we have no evidence yet, but I sure hope somehow the shooter will be discovered and charged. Anyone who reads this - please send your thoughts and prayers that this person be forced to understand the effects of his/her actions. I don't want to see anymore of our pets killed and in such a senseless way. Maybe if there is enough prayers or wishes to this effect, something could happen....

We are putting up 3 posters at the same mailbox now and we'll see if those get ripped down. It seems that someone ripped down Zita's poster once as well. Makes me want to find a hiding spot and see who's doing it. Also there is an article in our local newspaper this morning about Ziggy's death, and we were featured on the television station's news last week. If the local police find that a particular person is ripping the posters down, then maybe they can investigate this. I hope to see this person go to jail for this and at minimum go through the pain that Ziggy and I have had to go through. Here they can face 6 months in jail and / or a $2,000 fine. Nothing compared to the jail that I'm put in with Ziggy's and Zita's loss, but someone needs to know there are consequences for these heartless actions.

Thank you so much Dottie for your care - it is much needed and appreciated!

love and light - Jan.

Oh Wow, Jan. Firstly, you're very welcome and I pray what I wrote and posted not only helped your tears to flow and not only lifted your heart just a little but that it also gave you some Hope and the strength to carry on doing exactly what you have been and still are right now. I see there are suspects. Well, I don't wish to sound like I'm going off half cocked but that man and his two "night cougar hunting" sons sound very much worth watching. What a coincidence about the timing when your sweet fur baby Ziggy's poster was torn down. One of them, that is to say.

I cannot begin to tell you how good it does my heart to hear about the media exposure both in print and on the air that has drawn attention to this monstrous act. Also, I do remember many years ago when my brother Tony took me to a huge theater to see David Copperfield performing in person and we were way, way out in the "nose bleed" section so that anyone on stage looked like an ant. My brother had a pair of special binoculars (not your usual "really good ones" you buy at most fine shops) and when I looked through them, I had to jump back as I felt like I was right on stage and about to bump into the magician. These binoculars are on sale to the public and, if my memory serves me correctly, Tony bought them at a Sharper Image store. Those binoculars sound like a great idea when staking out the place (as you put it) and see just who is tearing down those posters. Sometimes, that bit of circumstancial evidence is enough to make any investigation a whole lot easier!

Only 6 months in jail and / or a $2,000 fine? Where I live, what was done to Ziggy would be punishable with up to 3 years in prison and a $2,500 fine. I did a lot of googling after my Alex was murdered to see what the maximum prison time was for an animal abuser and found cases where people served longer and one female served eleven years in jail. All eleven years. Of course, her crimes were ... I won't even go there.

I know that Heavenly Justice is the call of a Higher Power but it's perfectly fine to pray hard and often that earthly justice will be done. Jan, please know that I haven't missed even one day lighting candles and saying special prayers for you and Ziggy when I light yours. That earthly justice is just one of the things I pray for in your case and, please God (or insert the deity of your choice), please make it so!!!

God Bless You Most Abundantly, Jan!!! I'm right by your side!!!

Sending many Angels and also St. Francis of Assisi to Comfort you, Guide you and also to kick some serious butt regarding the guilty person or persons. Please pardon my language but them Angels and St. Francis are great butt kickers to that breed of monster. You bet!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie - thanks again, your posts do lift my heart as well. Your idea about the binocular is something to also think about. Now they have to rip down 3 posters - if they get ripped down, extra ones will go up. But if it's ripped down tomorrow, will definitely try to figure out a way of finding out who's doing it. I am going out of town on Thursday for a few days so maybe hubby will have to do it. He used to be a police officer, so maybe he'll have some ideas...

Blessings to you!

Jan.

Jan, My prayers are with you that you find out who did this. Sounds to me like some kids. However, adults are known to do crap like this too. I read a story a while back where someone shot a cat with, of all things, a bow and arrow, just 'cus it kept coming into his yard!. Sit quietly and hold a picture of Zita and ask her to help you with this. Stranger things have happened! I'm glad you got a lot of exposure with the media on this too. Don't give up. Keep us informed. By the way, Piper returned. I got concerned 'cuz we don't let her out at night, she never strays far from the house and always comes when I call. That night she didn't. So not like her. I paniced. But alls well (for now).. Ann

Hi Ann - glad to here Piper returned!

I like your idea of holding a picture. I belong to a spiritual type group and I'm going to ask them all to send thoughts that the shooter understand all the pain created and learn respect toward living creatures; that something positive come of her death. Actually, if anyone reading this is willing to take a few seconds with that thought, or prayer, I would really appreciate that.

I do believe in the power of group intention....

thank you Ann

Jan.

Best of luck Jan, My thoughts and prayers are most definitely with you!..Hugs. Ann

Dearest Jan, I'll try. Honest and for true, I will try. It's only within the last couple months or so that I've begun to actually feel anger and then to express it. I know that you realize most adult "serial killers" and others who torture and kill innocent people actually began as kids doing the same to poor, defenseless, trusting, sweet, loving animals. Mostly cats and dogs. Well, I promise I will try my utmost to calm myself and pray that the culprit or culprits come to realize the evil they're committing as well as how dramatically adversely it affects those around them especially the fur kid Mommies and Daddies.

I promise Jan. I will do my level best to make my prayers sincere and not just "rattle them off" if you know what I mean. I will, Hon. I sure will.

Jan? Piper came home? I read all your posts and ... I don't see that. Wow!!! I'm so happy for you! See? There is a God and "She" is good!

Tons of Hugs and Lotsa Love to You, Your Family and all Your Fur Babies here and Above!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dear Jan,

My prayers are with you on your horrendous loss of your beloved kitty. You were obviously a loving and caring "mom"! May God Bless you and speed the healing.

Thank you for your thoughts... I am so sickened and I find it hard to relate to most people right now since losing a cat seems trite to a lot of people. I am going through the sort of grief like losing a best friend / child / partner... I would hardly dare to even say that to most people.

These losses make life seem pretty meaningless right now.

thanks again.

Jan

Thank you - I am being quite selfish right now and not taking time to hear other people's stories and pain. I am out of town right now without a lot of internet time, but I would like to know more about what's happened to you or your pets...

I keep thinking and waking up all night - this person who has made my Ziggy suffer and die, and has created so much suffering for me, is just walking around without remorse. The vet who failed to do the exploratory surgery didn't give her the last chance she deserved, and hasn't even offered an apology. And now there is no turning back.

I am searching for ways to cope, but such murder is considered trite by the general public it seems and I am expected to carry on like normal. Unfortunately this is impossible for me... Life is not fair, but how do people find meaning and carry on when such things happen?

thanks again for your good wishes and intentions...

Jan

Thanks for your caring thoughts...

Jan.

Dear Sweet Jan, please do NOT read any of my posts about my loss and what happened to my other two fur kids in this forum area. Please don't, I beg you. It will tear your heart to shreds and make it so much more painful and unbearable to you about what happened to your precious fur child Ziggy. Okay, now that I said that, I realize you're tempted. Don't do it, Hon. Not yet. Okay? I'll let you know when I feel you may be able to handle it. Please, please, please promise me. Okay? I trust you, Jan!

But! My Tributes to Alex and Cocoa in that forum are very lovely indeed and uplifting if you wish to sneak a peek. *Big Smile!*

Love ya to bits and pieces!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

To My Mommy Jan With All My Love Forever and Longer!!! See how Happy You make Me and my Big Happy Smile all because of You?! Please Celebrate My Life with Me!!!







Hey, Mommy! I'm young again, happy, healthy and have lots of friends, too. And guess what? I'm staring in a Movie like I am now, young again! Wow!!! It does shock Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek Generations and Data is pretty upset, too. But that's okay cuz Tom Cruise is one very happy camper. By the way, what the heck is a Rubiks Cube and how the heck does it work? Anywhooo, click on me holding that whatever it is and see my Movie! Weee! I'm a Famous Celebrity now. Woo Hoo and Yipieee!!!











To The Bestest Mommy in the Whole Universe! And that's My Mommy Jan!!!

I Love You Forever and Forever! I Love You with All my Heart! I Love You whenever We're together! I Love You when We're apart!!!

From Your Baby Fur Kid Ziggy and I Love Ya to Bits, Mommy!!!

Oh Dottie - that is so nice, and I do think wherever Ziggy is is a much happier place than here. The above picture looks like my boy Zeus.

I won't read what happened to your fur kids at this time if you suggest I don't. I do want to ask you though, how do you find strength within the situation? A part of me feels so helpless and hopeless that someone is walking around with no remorse having blown Ziggy and my life to pieces. Also, though I don't want to blame the vet, she really could have saved Ziggy if she had known what she was doing. She may feel bad, but they are still charging us for the surgery. Apparently when I was away, she called my husband and said she was sorry for what had happened and that they would take off a hundred dollars or so of the $850 fee (also we paid $450 more for follow-up at my regular vet afterwards.) My friend who is a vet tech said she should have known to do the exploratory surgery and suggested I report her to the veterinary association. I don't really want to go there, however she could do the same with other pets and they could lose their lives.

I am just wondering, actually for anyone who is reading this, how do you cope, what do you do to carry on?

When my 17 year old dog died I was very sad, but he had a long and full life and I could find peace within the situation. He often comes to me in dreams. My first cat was 12 and died of liver cancer; that was difficult and painful but neither was so difficult for me as having lost Zita and Ziggy, both young cats and both senselessly. I do not know what happened to Zita, but I never got to even say goodbye. With Ziggy at least I was able to tell her how very much I loved her and how sorry I was that this had happened. Still I feel unrest because of the killer that's out there. I love cats very much and I can't have them here. I think that Zita and Ziggy because they were especially loving and innocent made them into easy targets. This is so sad to me.

I find it hard to deal with the demons of "what if" and "why" and the cruel heart of the killer who took Ziggy away from me.

Any suggestions on coping would be much appreciated.

Jan.

Well, I'll tell ya, Jan. I cope several different ways. At first, I was not able to feel nor express any anger nor rage because I just never do. I'm a "walk away" type of person. But Not, Not, Not when it comes to animals, children, family, friends and the defenseless. Alex was the very best friend I've ever had in the world both human and animal. Also so amazing a creature it would knock your socks off! We actually held "simple" conversations that had meaning. I won't go into it but yes, he knew what everything meant within his enormous vocabulary which I taught him and other stuff he picked up on his own from TV, other observations and people and my other fur and feather kids, music, photographs, all kinds of images on the PC, YouTube Videos and so on. Holy Cow.

First, I broke down. I was a basket case in the worse, worse, worse sense of the word! Gradually, I got ticked off. Heh. Can you say, "Police reports, charges made, guilty parties served with a lawsuit from my attorney" ... Ooo La La!

I also write poems for Alex, talk with him here, give him the videos he enjoyed watching so much as he sat on my right shoulder all day, giving him pictures and images that I remember he loved so much as well as choosing songs and images that I feel he will love bunches!

Best part is that the three parties have absolutely no idea of the other crimes I am going to charge them with and they think they are out of the woods. And I have a ton of evidence regarding each charge including their own voices on tapes during meetings that they gave with their blessings. Oy and Doh on them. Oh, this is so unlike me but for Alex ... ANYTHING!!! I'm certain you understand what I mean, my feelings and the "Why" that I did not "walk away" this time. In addition, I have many incriminating photographs and their own HOA (Home Owner's Association) legal documents which clearly prove them culpable of several crimes that will definitely put two of them behind bars. Heh.

There's more but the most important thing is that ... Alex is right here with me. He really, truly is. I carry his heart in my heart. Even though I can't see him, I know he's there.

Jan, it's called Faith and Hope!!!

I cry Justice! I will have it. In the meantime, I very well recall how terribly upset Alex would become whenever I was sad or sick. He would cry and tell me how sorry he was, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Over and over. He'd also do his best to cheer me up in ways you couldn't possibly conceive. LOL!!!

I owe Alex because there was not much short of horror before him and ... He Decorated My Life!!! I do Not want him to see me so devastated so I must be strong for him. I simply must. And I keep reassuring him here in many ways that "Mama" is all right so to be Happy, Sing, Dance, Talk up a storm, get down with his bad self and Party! Party! Party!

Errr, how'd I do so far explaining how I cope?

Big Hugs and Lotsa Love!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. It helps me more than I can put into words when I do my best to comfort others here. Word!

PS. PS. I also occasionally scream bloody murder like I'm being tortured while I cry so loud and hard that it sounds like a wounded canine or primate. Well, that gives me some relief as well.

More Big Hugs!!!

Wow, Dottie, I think you have a great inner strength. I wish I knew who did this to my Ziggy or how to make them understand the pain they caused... or at least have to face some consequences. I can only hope and pray and send energy to that effect because I have no idea who did it. I will leave up the posters as long as I live here so at least the person responsible, if they are in the neighbourhood, will have to read about my pain for a long time.

Someone on here (I think) posted this link on using "EFT" (new to me) which also used affirmations - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyCc56uUypU...feature=related

I did this today and it seemed to help a bit. I'm not functioning very well, and very few people around me seem to fully understand...

Do you still feel zest for life? How long has it been since your Alex has been gone? I noticed in a post that your husband also is in spirit, so it sounds like you have had to learn to cope with loss...? I'm only asking because it took months after Zita disappeared for me to feel really "good", and actually only just about a week before Ziggy got shot, was I feeling really motivated again. Now I don't want to really talk to anyone other than those who can understand my feelings. Losing Ziggy this way and never knowing what happened to Zita are the most painful losses I have had because they were so senseless and both cats were young, gentle, sweet healers - Zita was just 3 and a half, Ziggy, just 5 and a half. Now Zeus (Zita's real brother) is really on his own. He became much more independent and "wild" after Zita was gone. He bonded very well to Ziggy but I can't risk another cat where I live. Zeus loves being outside - I know he is terribly at risk now. I tell him this, but I know he absolutely wants to be outside - he comes in at dinner and stays in until morning - that is his compromise.

My husband's dog Rosie is very old (almost 17) and getting ill and I know her time is not long. I am not quite ready to deal with that one yet, though I may have to. She's really having trouble getting around, lots of messes now also and she barks at night after we've gone to bed. I think she is just uncomfortable and sometimes wants to eat, but not really. My Merlin went through something like it as he aged.

When you describe Alex, it reminds me of Merlin - he had a very connected and psychic "intelligence" as well. Merlin knew what I was thinking and feeling, but he was always steadfast and strong. When I was in tears, he would look at me to say "I'm here for you mom and I always will be." And he is too. He is often in my dreams. Merlin lived to be over 17 and I got him when he was 4 months old. By the time he left me he had become senile and very, very restless and uncomfortable in his body. I don't think of those times anymore because it wasn't the true "him". The true him showed me in a dream that I don't ever have to worry about keeping him "safe", using leashes or thinking about traffic. He showed me that if I just think of him, he will be there, and when he is not he is perfectly safe.

I had another dream too about the dog I grew up with, Skippy. He was hit by a car when I was 15 and I was inconsolable. Then he came in a dream and told me he was happy and would be there for me whenever I needed him. I still remember how vivid that was even now.

I am completely at peace about Merlin. We spent 17 wonderful years together and he was my "soul mate" and special boy. He lived as long as he could. I just don't feel that what happened to Zita or Ziggy was "meant to be". I really feel they were taken from me far too soon and too violently.

Still I would like to make something positive of their memory. I just miss them so. I had gotten so used to Ziggy's beautiful "singing purr" - she was my sound healing kitty. I really don't think she wanted to go, but her body gave her no choice. I have "seen" her on the windowsill, on her chair and on the couch. I saw Zita this way several times - once so clearly it was almost solid, but quickly faded. I know they are there sometimes, but it's not the same.

I seem to deal with this loss by feelings of depression and hopelessness. My husband seems not to be that bothered, but he doesn't attach as deeply to the animals as I do... We have 5 dogs right now - Ziggy fit right in! She was part of the family the very first day. I will post her pic laying with the dogs on the couch.

I am going to a medium tomorrow to talk about Ziggy and Zita. He is a very good medium, but I don't know if he's ever contacted animals. I've done some animal communication myself but I never seem to get the answers that I really need.

Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts - I do want to find out all about Alex and his wonderful, magical ways. What a special guy he was!

Dottie - that was you who posted that! Thanks!! I will look at some of your other posts for suggestions also.

Jan

Your right Jan, Life just isn't fair. How do we carry on?? Good question. I think it's a lot of time that passes and acceptance. As hard as that my sound to you right now, for me, it's all I can go on. I'll try to make my story short. Arthur came home with a 4in gap in his tail. Vet said he got hit(or grazed) by a car. He was afraid of cars, and people. Who knows, I never thought he'd go in the street. There's a lot of nerves that goes from the tail to the bladder and bowel area. All that got damaged. He had no control going all the time. Almost like that whole area was paralized. Reading up on that type of injury on the internet it said cats who do survive will have to be forced manually to go to the bathroom, by pressing on their bellies 3 to 4 times a day. When you said your baby had been shot in that area, I thought of that instantly. I know we really want to try everything to save them, but the reality is do we really want them to live like that. Arthur was scared, hurt, in a strange place with strangers poking at him. His blood pressure was all over the place. I keep thinking if I could have just stayed with him long enought to calm him down, maybe he could have had surgery so I would have known for sure. It's too late now so all I have to go on is what quality of life he would have had. You WILL be able to carry on one day, the hurt my never fully go away. If finding the culprit will help you heal, I pray you find out the truth. Big hug...Ann

Hi, Jan! Hey, you're catching on. There's a lot I haven't told you but, if you wish, will explain a little bit in a PM to you as to how one like myself "appears" to be far stronger than many. Gee, I've proven to myself that I am stronger than most but I don't share why because I simply CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT bear to be pitied. Oh, something like, "Wow, what a bummer, Gal. Oy Vey!" That suits me just fine. But when people find out about all the horrors I've experienced, witnessed and so on then go into their, "OMG!!! You poor thing! I feel so SORRY SORRY SORRY for you and I can't believe you survived! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!" You get the picture. I don't even cope that well with being given sympathy unless it's in a "What a Bummer" type fashion.

BUT! I will tell you why and give you specific true experiences that have made me STRONG!!! However, ya can't do not pity stuff or I'll have to smack ya silly.

Oh, the "EFT" works amazingly well for me and I could feel relief from the very first time I tried it so I just had to share with everyone here. I sure hope to gosh it helps them as much as it helps me.

You asked me if I "feel a zest for life." I'm laughing my arse off over here which is most certainly inappropriate to say the least. LOL! And I'll tell you why if you wish to know.

Jan, if I hear one more time, "Hey, he was a bird. Just a freaking bird. There are millions of them out there for pity's sake. Just get another one and cut out this nonsense. You've got to get over this, yada, yada, yada ..." If I hear that one more time, I think I'll spit! See? I know what you're talking about, Hon. By the way, I lost two husbands due to death but the one before Kenny was a demon spawn from Hades. OH My Gosh!!! I am terrible to say that! LOL! But, it is true and I even grieved horribly for about one full year about his ... Oh, you don't want to know how he died. Eeekkk!

Finally, I woke one morning and asked myself why the heck am I screaming and crying my eyes out about Simon dying when he was Lucifer reincarnated. Oh My Gosh! There I go again. Hahaha! That was the last day I felt any grief for him.

This is turning into a novel so I'll try my best to sum it up. When a person experiences horror after horror, tragedy after tragedy and yada, yada, yada ... It's a well known phenomenon that a certain "type" of person does not "feel/perceive" the same emotions as those who haven't been through as much. So, I guess you could say that I am blessed! If you REALLY want to know more of the specifics and how that makes someone like myself actually perceive HORRORS in a different manner, please let me know and I'll shoot off a PM to you.

What you're going through now with Ziggy and ... It is so unspeakably unbearable for you and I want so desperately to help you learn how cope just a little bit better. SO MUCH PAIN!!! I can feel your unbearable PAIN, ANGUISH, DEVASTATION and MORE!!!

Many Blessings and Angels to Hold You Close brining you Comfort, Peace, FAITH AND HOPE!!!

Love you to bits!

Your Pal Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hello Dottie

I think feeling "sorry" for someone comes off like one upmanship (maybe not on purpose but...). It's like if you feel "sorry" you see the person as weaker than you in some way. It is empathy that I think draws people together, not pity...

I did read your story about Alex (beause my imagination can be more disturbing than the truth sometimes!) and I do feel great empathy for you! Massive!

And as it helps you to reach others, it also helps others here to reach out to you. I truly, truly wish and pray that you find out the real truth about what happened to Alex. I understand the not knowing, as this is what I went through with Zita - however, I am not aware of any remorseless type people involved with her disappearance. But now I don't really know after what happened to Ziggy. The pain of not knowing, for me, has been so intense! Although I feel Zita is in spirit, I never got a chance to say goodbye in the physical. I am angry, in different ways about the loss of Ziggy - I did, did however get the chance to tell her how I loved her so, so much and how sorry I was that this happened. She just purred and I know she understood. It doesn't make the pain of loss any easier, but I didn't even have that chance with Zita.

The people that don't understand my feelings said things like "It's been a couple of weeks since Zita's been gone, (why is it bothering you)", or recently "You did talk about Zita an awful lot" or just that I needed to let it go. I guess other people cope in different ways, but if a child or spouse or relative was missing, no-one (unless they were completely out to lunch) would ever say things like that. I do realize also that resistance of what's happened makes it hard to find peace, and somehow we have to find a kind of peace in not knowing. Easier said than done though!

I will have to work out how PM works on here, but I would love to find out more about how you've learned to be so strong.

Maybe we need an "Unsolved Mysteries" program for pets!! What about a group email with a description / photo of Alex asking people to send it on and to contact you if anyone has information? Group emails can go pretty far in today's world. Are there bird associations you could contact in case Alex was sold?

My thoughts and prayers are with you and with Alex, hoping you find peace and harmony both.

take care

Jan.

Hi Ann - the decisions are so difficult in these pet emergency situations. I think I was in a bit of shock myself, I called my husband to talk to the vet when she said "exploratory surgery" and gave me a quote of $850. At the time, I wasn't sure if it was life threatening. My husband spoke to her on the phone - he was a former police officer - and said that the exploratory surgery was important because they can sew somebody up and find an internal injury later. So what did the vet do? She opened up the skin and stitched up the abdomen, but didn't go inside to see that Ziggy's bowel had been severed. This kills me....

But beyond that, the vet tech of my normal veterinarian (the emergency vet wasn't anyone I knew) said that a bowel can be stitched and that cats can live with a partial bowel even and the worst thing is a bit more diarrhea than normally. If the vet had just tried then I would have more peace with Ziggy's passing.

I do think your Arthur's situation and your choices were totally based on "quality of life" which is the utmost caring and loving way to be to any animal. I did wonder if Ziggy would ever have bladder control again since she didn't have it in her last few days. At least I know she has no pain now.

My vet screwed up, but it is the person who shot her that killed her ultimately. This person just has no concept of the pain caused by his / her actions.... I hope someday this person will understand the sacredness of these creatures who bless us with so much joy when they are treated with love and care.

I know that you were a loving mom to your Arthur - the "what if's" are what haunt us, but we unfortunately can't go back. I can think of a million things I would do differently if I'd known what was to happen, but there's just no going back. I wish there was!

These screw ups and difficult decisions happen with humans too - I almost died from a misdiagnosis a couple of years ago and was just lucky enough to have a substitute doctor at a critical time.

I know that your Arthur is in a place of peace - it is us that has the difficulty accepting the loss.

take care Ann!

Jan.

Dearest Jan, firstly I wish to apologize for not having made any sort of response to you until this time. Yes, I read everything you wrote, comprehended it and feel it. I read it over and over again with acute cognizance and tremendous emotion, reaction, feeling you ... And so much more ... And so much more ...

Please allow me to try my best to explain an aspect of myself without you nor anyone else here experiencing any sorrow, concern nor worry for me. There is no reason for that concern, worry or feeling any kind of, "Oh My God that it so unbelievably tragic and hideous" type of thought or thoughts regarding this one aspect of myself. What it is ... Is unfortunate and nothing else. That having been said, I want very much to try and explain.

There are occasions when I am not able, not capable of expressing my thoughts nor feelings even by use of images, pictures, songs, my own or other's poems, quotes and so on. I call it "losing my voice." From all my training, I've come to realize that it is a wonderful coping mechanism. Sort of like putting all unspeakable things way up high on a shelf safely way back in the corner of my mind. Just for a while at least. Just for a while.

That's happening again right now and I have God to thank for gifting me with this ability. I'm not certain how long it will last as it sometimes only goes on for a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, days and at worse, a few weeks.

Please know that I am having thoughts and feelings of enormous gratitude to you for your kindness as well as ... About your own situation ... I need to stop now because I do not have the words. Well, I do have the words but I find I cannot (not will not but actually cannot) tell you ... It is about your situation though. That I can say.

Please bear with me until that time when I get back to that place in my mind to retrieve what I want so desperately to say to you and help you and so much more ... Then I can come back and make my words happen. I promise that I shall return and continue our conversations.

If I were to express myself right now the following would be very close ...



You'll recognize that famous painting titled: "The Silent Scream." It's saying a bunch of what I cannot put into words but mostly the frustrating thoughts of not being able to find my voice and tell you all I want to say to you right now. Therefore: "Oh Crap!"

I am still able to express to others both human and creatures genuine humor, kindness, sympathy, comfort, love and the like but not what I wish to tell you. I hope and pray I find my voice soon so can come back and tell you "stuff." Until then, God Bless You Most Abundantly for Understanding.

Also, I Wish you Justice and Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Praise the Lord for the Spell Check feature.

Hi Dottie

Thanks for writing - you have said so much that has been helpful, that it wouldn't matter if you didn't say one more word! You have offered so many kind thoughts. Also, I hope you know that when I spoke of pity, I just meant that our human species is probably not well trained in dealing with grief and pain... unless we happen to have great teachers by some great fortune! My husband's previous wife died young and people said things to him meaning well, that he didn't frankly find too helpful. I have struggled at times with what to say to friends going through loss as well. We are such an awkward lot, us humans, at least the animals know naturally how to express their concerns and grief.

I guess things are just what they are, and it's our perspective that makes them good bad or ugly.

I don't know why it is that people like me feel such intense pain about my loss while others seem to adjust more quickly. Maybe it is perspective, or belief or just purely our deep love for the pet we have lost. Someone told me about Kahlil Gibran's poem "Joy and Sorrow" and I think that explains it for me; that joy and sorrow are intertwined.

Here's a link if you'd like to read it: http://www.katsandogz.com/onjoy.html

Maybe there is another perspective that makes adjustment to loss easier.....?

By the way, your picture looks like a very accurate self-portrait of me at the moment.

take care

Jan.