Wow a great "gang". It brought a smile to my face. I hope to have a small gang of pups soon.


Their soooo adorable.

Dear Candy's Dad

I am so touched you took time to reply to me - I read all your posts on Candy and they made me cry so much, you write so beautifully and the love you felt for Candy came through in every post. I am pleased you feel ready to take on some new babies - I did read about the three chihuahuas and wonder if its them you're going for? I had my two from 13 weeks old and whoa, were they were a handful! But so worth it. When I am stronger I will get the photos down from when they were pups, I am not ready right now as I am still hurting so much I miss my beautiful sweet Marilyn.

Please post some pics when you get them and thank you once again for your lovely comments. Keep us posted on the pups!

meens x

[quote name='LoveThem' post='41882' date='Aug 14 2008, 11:17 AM']OMG, Meens...what beautiful pictures!

I don't know what you did...but it worked! We love to look at pictures because they can make us smile..they are a reminder of the good memories our special ones provided us with.

I just re-saved them in Photoshop, simple - was just me being stupid. I find it really hard to concentrate on things after losing my angel, in work I'll get through the day but if somone asked me at the end of the day, what did you do, I couldn't tell you. Some days its all I can do to get showered and dressed. I force myself to go on but my insides feel like they've turned to stone.

I can see why Marilyn is so precious. I am glad you have the other two...it does help.

Thank you - I keep saying it but I am so touched people are saying such lovely things about her. She was so sweet, I will miss her forever. I am lucky to have the other two but things are just so diffferent. When Betty went for her long off lead walk in the evening, I would always leave the chis behind, being nearly 16, long countryside walks were a bit much for their lil old legs. But now I hate leaving Chi behind alone so I bring her along sometimes. For most of it she's carried (and loves it!) but of course our dog walking buddies ask us, whose this, so I have to explain and tell them about her sister and I have to try not to cry in public and it makes it hurt all over again. Even hearing myself tell people what happened, it sounds all wrong, like did it really happen, she can't really have gone?

[b]you said: [b] I thought three was an odd number but having only the two, everything is off balance.

I know what you mean. I started out with 3 siblings...then went to 2....then went to 1...and now there are none of them.[/b][/b]

Oh I am sorry - I don't know how you found the strength to cope. That's so sad.

It does seem different whenever we lose one....we always think....it should still be 3...they should all be here.
(At least..I have thought that many times).

I agree totally - I know I won't hear it but I still listen for the tip tap of her dainty little paws on the kitchen floor. Or look out for her going up and down, up and down the garden looking for a spot to 'go'! Even though I know I won't hear or see her, I still look, and listen, stupid me.

I hope you are doing better...I think your babies are helping as best they can.

Thank you. I wouldn't say I'm doing better - but I am still here. I feel I'm just existing. I have times when things seem 'normal', going to work and having to concentrate, doing the chores, cooking etc. Then it stops and the memories and realisation that she's not here engulf me again. The pain, and it is a physical pain, in my heart just won't go away.

I think it is, strangely, affecting Betty more than Chi. She is being quite naughty for her, chewed a hole in the duvet cover and was running round the garden with one of my shoes in her mouth, and barking alot more. Maybe she just senses I am not right. Then (and I know its wrong) I think, if Marilyn was here, she wouldn't be playing me up, she'd be kissing my tears away and doing that sweet thing where she jumped up and put her front paws on my leg, and looked at me with her worried face as if to say, I know I'm only tiny, but I'm here for you mum....

And...I am really glad you brought these pictures here.

Hugs to you and your family....and your very special Angel.....Marilyn. That one picture of her alone...you must have that framed?

Thank you again Judy - that's a good idea. My printer is out of ink but when I sort it out I will do that. It still hurts looking at the pics sometimes.
[b]

Sorry for going on so long, I deliberately stayed away yesterday as I was scared I was boring everyone going on and on. Guess I just needed to talk to someone who I know understands. Thanks again ***

Hi moon beam

Thanks for thinking about me - I said in my post to Love Them I stayed away yesterday because I was worried I was boring everyone with me going on and on, so I was so touched to find you, and everyone else, was thinking about me and asking how I was.

That's so sweet that your Noah is keeping Eli's wonderful personality alive. They all sound such lovely characters. I think, like you, it will take a while before things feel like the "norm" again. I said in my post to Love Them that Betty has been different, she is normally (for a rescue who had obviously been badly treated and as such has a few issues) a good dog. But the last couple of days she's been a bit naughty. I think she is picking up on my moods, she is quite a perceptive dog. I feel guilty, but I can't just switch off my hurt and grieving.

Its sunny here today for the first time since I lost my Marilyn on 4 August, it seems to have been grey and rainy non stop since that day. But even the sunshine makes me sad, as Marilyn loved sunbathing, she would lay out in it for hours. I remember when she was a pup finding her curled up nose to tail in a flowerpot outside, the soil in it was obviously lovely and warm and I went outside to find her fast asleep, she looked like a furry donut! Wish I'd taken a photo...

I'd give anything to go back in time, so I could spend a bit longer with her. Instead of worrying about the housework or other trivial stuff, I wish I'd sat and cuddled her instead. I guess we all go through these feelings.

Thank you for caring, and to everyone here for sharing their sadness and most of all, for being there and understanding.


meens ***

Click to view attachment
Dear All

This photo is my laptop wallpaper. It was taken last August on a lovely sunny day - anyone who has Chis knows how much they love the sunshine.

Chi is on our left and my dear sweet angel Marilyn on the right. I have said it before but I wish I could climb inside this photo. A year later, the garden is the same, the sun is out today - but Marilyn isn't here and nothing will ever be the same.

I miss you sweetheart, I hope you are happy and enjoying the sunshine, wherever you are. Please don't forget me ***

The pain is there because we miss them so very much. That's what causes the pain we try to deal with.

Never feel as though you post too much or say too much..that's what being here is all about....the FREEDOM to do those things
that somehow help us deal with it all.

you said:

I think it is, strangely, affecting Betty more than Chi. She is being quite naughty for her, chewed a hole in the duvet cover and was running round the garden with one of my shoes in her mouth, and barking alot more. Maybe she just senses I am not right. Then (and I know its wrong) I think, if Marilyn was here, she wouldn't be playing me up, she'd be kissing my tears away and doing that sweet thing where she jumped up and put her front paws on my leg, and looked at me with her worried face as if to say, I know I'm only tiny, but I'm here for you mum....

Reading this...I had 2 thoughts: One about Betty being naughty...reminds me of what I used to hear about children being that way and it was said...for them...it could be wanting more attention...even if the attention was reprimands. I wonder if pets are the same way?
Maybe since they don't understand what is going on....they want to be reassured more that for them it is okay. Probably not but then who knows?

The other thought was when you said "and I know its wrong". It is never wrong to think about the ones taken from us...NEVER. They were a part of our lives and will always be in our lives...even though it may only be memories..and it is never wrong to think about memories. It would be natural to think what Marilyn would be doing in a similar situation...natural but not wrong. Reading what you were thinking there would make me cry remembering so much sweetness and also be glad to have known such a beautiful baby.

So keep posting your thoughts and feelings.....anytime....you cannot bore anyone here. We have and go through exactly the same pain so we understand what you are saying and feeling and if we say something that helps you feel better...that helps us feel better too...the thought that maybe we lessen your pain, even for just a moment.

Hugs and we are with you every day and ready to listen if you feel ready to talk.

That's a fact Meens..........I haven't met a chihuahua who doesn't LOVE the sun yet. Sometimes when I come in the house and Gidget doesn't hear me come in, I know I can always find her in a ray of sunshine coming through a window somewhere. I've always called her my sunshine girl.

When you say Betty is acting out a bit I can relate. Gidget also began to act out after Goliath passed away. She was as devastated as I was. Her moods went from anxious to sedate and she quit eating. Then she started peeing in the house. Well my moods ranged in the same way. I felt soooooo bad for Gidget. Each time she went on a search for Goliath throughout the house, my heart broke all over again. Together she and I recovered by spending alot of quality time with each other. Her moods improved a little bit each day just as mine did. It took longer for her to stop peeing in the house, but I was very patient and understanding with her.

Marilyn is no more likely to forget you than you are her Meens. When two hearts become one they never separate again. Have faith that one day you and she wil reunite in a place of eternal love and be together forever.

I love the pics you have brought to your thread here. Please bring more when you can...........I never get bored while looking at such sweet little faces.

Much love to you with hugs,
Beth

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, Chi, and Betty are doing.  Our furkids are like human children, and when they need our attention or are grieving a loss, the only way they have to get our attention is through their behavior.  Betty is doing that through her naughty behavior.  Of course you don't want her getting into bad habits, but you also don't want to overly discipline her, either.  You may need to spend some extra time with her to comfort her and let her know that YOU are not going to leave her and Chi.  Betty may need a lot of reassurance.  My Noah - - bless his heart, grieved deeply for Eli.  For several weeks he would look for Eli everywhere in the house - - each and every day, and when he was outside on his tether he would go up the slope toward the garage and lay down on the ground looking toward the road expecting Eli to come back home - - because the last time he saw Eli was when I took him to the vet for our last journey together, and Eli did not come back, except with his ashes.  In Noah's mind Eli had always come back from the vet and he was very angry with me because I didn't bring his big kitty brother back home.  Of course he knew that something was terribly wrong because I was crying - - gut wrenching sobbing - - and talking to my furbabies to let them know that Eli is with the angels now, but Noah was not convinced.  I kept Eli's comforters and towels accessible to Noah because that was what comforted him the most - - snuggling into Eli's blankets and towels because they still had his scent on them.  It has only been in recent months that Noah has stopped sleeping on Eli's blankets and towels and has begun snuggling with me at night.  And he no longer searches for Eli.  He lets me pick him up and cuddle with him a little bit - - and as I mentioned to you in my last post - - is now exhibiting some of Eli's antics, which just makes me smile that Noah is finally adjusting to the new "norm" in our home and is trying to emulate some of his big kitty brother's behaviors - - almost as if Eli is coaching him.   There are times when he gets too rough with his sibling sister, Abbygayle, and I do have to intervene a little bit.  Noah misses the rough and tumble play that he and Eli enjoyed playing tag throughout the house up and down the stairs, etc., so he tries to engage his sister in it and Abbygayle is not the least bit interested in wrestling and rough housing.  I do want to give Noah a little kitty brother, but I have some financial obligations to take care of first.  I was hoping for this spring, but it looks like it's going to be next spring before I can begin to manage that commitment.  And about the picture of Marilyn curled up in the flower pot - - you DID take a picture -- with your heart, meens, and those pictures are more precious as the ones you can hold in your hand for awhile but fade with time. The pictures that are in your heart can never fade or wear out with time.
I hope what I have shared with you helps in some way. Please give an extra hug to Chi and Betty for me, and please know I look forward to hearing from you when possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I read these and think, "No one should have to go through this", but that was me when I came home the day I had to say goodbye to Miles.

I threw away her bed and her special food (I SHOULD have donated it to a shelter-What was I thinking??) I did something I had not done for decades...I picked up a bottle of Scotch and drank from it, without getting a glass, then finally having done these ceremonies, totally folded up. These feelings and outbursts would come in waves for the next two weeks, slowly diminishing in frequency but never really going away. The other cats tried to amuse me, but they were not HER.
My wife was supportive..she never got over her loss of Matilda the Aussie Terrier a decade ago. But it was all really between me and Miles.

Your relationship was so personal, we can understand the feelings from our own losses, but only you really KNOW the feelings because each relationship to the special friend is so unique and private and deep.

Perfect Love and Perfect Trust..Something we wish we might have had from other humans, dreamed of, but only found in someone with fur and a tail.

Dear moon beam

Thank you for your post - what you said about Betty's behaviour made so much sense. Being a rescue dog as well, I guess she is worried perhaps that now Marilyn has gone, we will too. She did suffer from separation anxiety when we first got her (when I left her she used to howl, it sounded like Elvis singing which was sort of funny!) but we worked through it. So yes, all what you wrote made sense. Thank you.

That was sad, how Noah grieved for Eli. It must have torn your heart in even more pieces. Animals are so perceptive, far more than we sometimes give them credit for. Chi is not as interested in her food this second week, and seems a bit quiet. Of course I'm worrying - is it her turn now, will she be joining her sister at the Bridge?... I shouldn't think like that I know, and I don't know how I will cope.

Its weird, I thought I was doing OK-ish physically, well eating and sleeping as best I can. but its like my whole immune system has collapsed. I have mouth ulcers, my lip has split, I'm constantly tired and a serious, though by no means life threatening condition I had years ago has come back, with a vengeance too, so I am in a lot of pain. I'm not crying as much, although we did the food shopping yesterday and were looking at the dog treats (they eat better than we do, I just spent over an hour cooking up a batch of their home cooked dinners, yet have prepared nothing for us humans as yet!) and I saw these ones that Marilyn used to love, instinctively I reached out for them and then realised she had gone. I thought I was going to break down in the supermarket, the pain and grief came flooding back.

I still can't talk easily about her without crying, it will take a long time I know. I haven't been coming on here as much as I've been trying to cope without it, if that makes sense. But then I come on, see you kind people have sent me messages and I start rambling on again. So I still need the support I realise that now.

I am working more hours the next two weeks in work which will be tough but the extra money will come in handy. I am so lucky I can come home at lunch and walk them so they are never alone for too long. But it will be hard, being at work when I'd much rather be at home with my girlies.

Thank you again for your kindness and the wonderful advice. If I win the Lottery I'll send you some money for a baby puddy tat brother for Naah - that's a promise.

Love and best wishes

meens ***

Jon730 thank you for your post, I am so touched you took the time for me. I have always thought how well you wrote in all the other posts I have read.

I know just what you mean about the other cats not being HER, of course you still love them as much but its not the same. I used to go round saying, I want my Marilyn, I want her back - knowing of course I couldn't, not in the sense we know but I do believe she is still with me.

I can also relate to what you said about it being really between you and Miles. It's such a personal thing. Marilyn was never a family dog, she and her sister were bought as pups by me and my partner at the time. They weren't even two when he just walked out, so even though I had relationships since then it really was just me and my girls, against the world (that can be a nasty place). They were reason for getting up in the morning.

Thanks again for your post - I appreciate it so much that you replied

meens ***

Hi, meens, I was just checking out the latest posts to "justme" and I saw your post to him today. I am so sorry that you are having medical challenges, some of which sound rather serious. The stress of grieving can indeed cause medical problems and even resurrect previous illnesses and or chronic illnesses. I know what you mean about people expecting us to "get over" the loss of our furbabies. We NEVER "get over" the loss, but we learn eventually how to live with the beautiful memories we have of them. The first anniversaries are the hardest in our grief journey because they are fresh reminders that our beloved furbabies are no longer physically with us. But I am so glad that you have Chi and Betty with you to try to comfort you and help you through this horrible time. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, meens, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Maybe some day you will be rewarded by seeing Marilyn's soul in the eyes of one of your charges there.


"A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me."

Thanks moon beam

I still get overwhelmed when I see people are still reading my posts and keeping in touch.

I didn't know grieving could you hit you so hard physically, its never got me this bad before. I have no control over these physical symptoms, I really am trying to eat and sleep, and carry on as "normal". Today was hard, two weeks to the day I lost her, plus we heard the guy who we caught burgling our house in June, and whose been in custody since, was let off with a suspended sentence last Monday. When I heard he'd been released and is on the streets I crumpled all over again. I don't know how much more I can take.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, sometimes I think they are all that keeps me going.

meens ***

Thank you - what a beautiful thing to say. The quote was lovely as well.

I believe one day there will be another dog (or dogs!) for me, and I will just Know.

Right now I still miss her horribly, its been two weeks today yet it seems to have been an eternity. Every minute of every day, I miss that little dog.

Thank God for this place, for you and for every one who has taken the time to read and reply to my posts

meens ***

Gibran.





It has always been so strange..a "call" goes out. Six days after Miles went to the Bridge, Iggy was being born a few miles away.

Years ago we had an "opening". Poor old Merlin died, and his daughter mourned all day and night, looking in closets for him, and clawing at doors. In desperation, we went to the shelter and got a black kitten. She decided to take care of her..her troubles were over, and she lived on to be 23 years old. But the "Call" had been sent..and to the door came sickly Miles and her daughter. Then we had more cats than we had planned on, and Miles was my Special Cat Wife, the once-in-a-lifetime friend. So you can never tell.

I had foretold my meeting with "Ignatius The Great" on here before I had met him. I knew it would work a certain way.."I have an opening! Who wants to win the lottery and be spoiled? And one would make eye contact and run towards me..."

And you work in a shelter. Someday, suddenly, sometimes one that is not even your "Type" will show up, and you will never figure out exactly what it was, and you will be home with your friend for some time, and you will suddenly realize that you were deliberately chosen/tricked/suckered, but whatever it was you will not mind AT ALL.

"How did this happen??? Oh Well. shrug...It is very good."

Hi meens, I've been hop skipping around this forum, can't seem to stay focused here. Just came across a msg to wrote to me in Jorge and Buster's forum. You liked my pict with Arthur. They are all any of us have now, and we need to treasure them. I just read your story of Marilyn and I am so deeply sorry for your loss. For me, my whole world has changed as I knew it. This all can't be real. It hurts, real bad. For you too, I wish you many happy dreams with your baby.. Take care..Hugs .. Ann

Hi, meens, I'm at work right now and the only one in the office covering the phones during lunch. So I thought I'd log on to see how you're doing. Meens, I have come to define "normal" as being whatever seems to be happening at the moment. Your "normal" has been drastically changed because your life as you have known it has been changed since Marilyn joined the angels. I see the judicial system in Great Britain has many similarities to the United States. I am so sorry that you now have the added stress and concern of your home being violated. The anniversaries are hard to manage - - my heart aches for you and what you are going through. Because our society does not understand what we go through when we lose a beloved furkid, we fur parents and friends must stick together. So, please keep letting us know how you're doing, meens. We are here for you. My best regards to Chi and Betty, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hugs to you too Ann - the pic is beautiful, it gets more so each time I see it. Thank you for taking the time to post and for your kind words. Yes our whole worlds have changed. Our lives will never go back to how they were, they are just different. I still can't quite believe I will never see Marilyn again in this life. I feel "robbed", how can she really be gone? Even though I have her ashes, I see the photos and think, well there she is, why isn't she HERE? I don't know if that makes sense, I hope it does.

Thank God for this place, I always think that when I come here. You take care too and thank you again for sharing that wonderful pic. As havana said, you don't need any others. That one is enough.

meens ***

Dear moon beam

You are so lovely to think of me during work - bless you. You summed up "normal" perfectly - I guess we just stumble through life at times like this. I find myself withdrawing into myself a lot, if there are people around me who don't understand (which sadly is a lot, in fact most, people) I just keep quiet and wait until I can come on here to where people understand. Some days are easier than others, some hours are easier than others. My sleep is still troubled by dreams and I am finding the acceptance, that Marilyn really isn't ever coming back (not in this life anyway) so hard. It hurts that I will never cuddle her or get kisses off her again, the emptiness is like a massive hole in my heart, I can feel it and it aches.

Thanks so much for remembering me during your sadness too. Yes we must stick together.

Bless you and everyone on here, I would never have come even this far without you.

meens ***

Hi, meens, it's been a couple of days since I checked in with you and am wondering how you're doing today. Right now I can imagine the chasm in your heart feels like it will never be filled again, and to a certain extent you're right because that place will always belong to Marilyn. But hopefully as the days and weeks and months proceed you will find that this awful ache is slowly being filled with the warmth of your many loving memories, and that your heart is filling with the sweetness of her living Spirit still sharing your life as she always has - - just in a temporarily different way. I hope all is well with Betty and Chi. And I'm hoping that you will not have to endure any further invasion of your home from the perpetrator who was just set free. Do you by any chance have a security system in your home? If not, and if you think it is a way to protect you, your home, and those whom you hold dear, you may want to consider having one installed. Since I am the only human in my household, and a woman to boot, I have one that is monitored 24/7 for burglary, fire, and medical. At least I know that if something should happen, particularly while I'm at work, my furkids stand a chance of being rescued. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, meens. My best regards to Betty and Chi, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon beam

Thank you for remembering me. I stopped posting for a few days as I didn't hear much from people and thought I'd just bored everyone and they'd gone away! I am sort of OK - it still hurts and I'm not strong enough to get the photos down yet. I wanted to plant a nice plant in the garden for her but again don't feel strong enough. When I think about Marilyn it hurts so much and I still get teary over my sweet little girl. Its been over 3 weeks but I still feel empty inside and sort of lost. Betty and Chi are coping OK, still sleeping on the bed with us (boyfriend getting a bit fed up but its a comfort to know they're there, and if I wake up in the night which I often do, I smile when I look at them snoring and snuffling away!)

I have a bit of a dilemma which I hope you don't mind me asking your advice on (and anyone else who reads this). I think I mentioned I help out at a local dog rescue. Well I had a call from the lady that runs it yesterday. Long and short of it is there's a chihuahua who needs a home. The chances of that are about a million to one, you just don't see chis in rescues here. He's a five year old neutured boy and well, she asked if I wanted him. The only thing is he's on the other side of the country, a place I've never been to. it would mean my boyfriend and I driving over there at the weekend, and it would take about 10 hours there and back. My poor boyfriend is working really long hours at the moment and would probably only be able to go on Sunday (his only day off) But I said yes...

Then I spoke to his fosterer, who desperately wanted to keep him but she says he doesn't get on with her cats (she runs a cat rescue) and has nipped her youngest daughter (though is fine with older kids) Well we have neither cats nor kids, and my friend's daughters are older. She was very honest with me and told me his bad points, he has issues with bonding too close to one person (mainly women) and getting very jealous if someone tries to approach - he growls and snaps at the person. She said he is fine with her 4 other dogs though doesn't like other dogs he sees when being walked. And barks when left alone (the longest mine are ever left is 4 hours a couple of times a week as I work part time and 5 minutes walk from home). She said he is a really loving little boy but he just needs work and time spent on him. Having had my chis from pups, I know their temperaments too well - I've always discouraged the bad behaviour.

I am in such a turmoil - is it too soon after Marilyn, would I be disloyal to her memory, am I wrong to ask my boyfriend to drive all that way, what if it doesn't work out and the new chi hates Betty and Chi and vice versa. They are both very cuddly dogs and I don't want them to feel pushed out. I don't have much self confidence or belief in myself at the best of times, and its rock bottom at the moment, what with all the sad and bad stuff thats happened. I am worrying now if I will be good enough for him, will I be able to cope, and retrain him, and what if they fight etc etc. I know from getting Betty that no rescue dog is perfect but we have worked through it and now wouldn't be without her.

The rescue will take him if it doesn't work out but then I'd feel I'd let everyone down, and the poor dog too. But then I think, its a sign - I said I'd never buy a chi pup as they are so overpriced and badly bred over here, and now an older one's come into the rescue.

What do you think - would I be wrong to try and would I be letting everyone down if it didn't work (maybe like a punishment for taking another chi on so soon after Marilyn?) I am sorry to go on so long but I am feeling so mixed up and alone! I should mention that my boyfriend is fine with the idea of getting him, but at the end of the day its me that spends most of the time with the dogs, walking them etc. Please help!

Thank you

meens ***

Hi, meens, I'm just getting caught up on posts. If you want my honest opinion: I think it might still be too soon for you to take another furkid into your home. Why? Because you sound very unsettled about it. If you really felt secure there would be NOTHING to keep you from doing it. This little precious chi needs someone who can give him undivided unattention to work through his behavioral issues. Aggression - - even in mild forms - - is serious. Jealousy over another's attachment to their "person" is serious. There is a difference between jealousy and protection - - and this little chi is jealous. If you do decide to give it a try, I would support you 100 percent and would go with you if I were there - - if your boyfriend just couldn't. But your boyfriend going with you will be imperative so that you can see what the reaction is going to be from the chi to him. If it turns out that this would not work once you got him home it would be far better for you to surrender him to the rescue folks than to try to force a match that isn't healthy for either of you. But as fragile as the both of you are now, I would be heartbroken for the both of you if it didn't work out. I know how sensitive you are to the needs of the fur people, but from what I read in your post my inclination is that you still need some time to heal from your loss of Marilyn. When the time is right for you to have another furchild in your heart and your home NOTHING will question your heart about it. And Marilyn will be right there saying, "Mom, I'm so glad you've given another furchild a home." Meens, I hope this helps. If nothing else, hopefully it will be a nice drive for you and your boyfriend - - to see a different part of your country. Please let me know how it goes, Meens - - what you decide. I'm here for you. You have not been forgotten.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon beam

Thanks for your reply - you gave some good advice. I have spoken to his fosterer and she said his behaviour has really come on in the last few days. I feel the least we can do is go and collect him, and see how it goes.

I'm being realistic, of course I want it to work but I realise it sadly might not ... but I do have to try. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I felt the same when we got Betty - we had absolutely no idea of her background (in some ways that's easier though) - I was apprehensive initially but we got through it and wouldn't be without her. Looking back I was nervous getting the chis when they were pups too. I think alot of it is my own self doubt and belief.

If its meant to be, it will be.

Thank you for being there and for being honest - I really appreciate it.

meens xx

Hi, meens, Good for you. I'm glad I was able to help you sort through some stuff. I hope you and your boyfriend will have a very pleasant trip, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this match will work out. I am so glad that you are following your heart to try -- that is SO important. I will be anxiously awaiting to hear your news about your trip, how it went, how this little fellow did traveling, etc.. Are Chi and Betty going with you as well or will a neighbor be checking on them until you get back home? Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Meens. I'll look forward to hearing from you to share your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Cool Beans Meen, I'm glad too that you are going to give this little guy a chance. Have you ever seen the show It's me or the dog. Here in the U.S we have a similar one called the dog whisperer. They give good adivce on how to deal with certain dog behaviors. I hope everything works out well for you. A ten hr trip could end up being a lifetime of happy memories. Keep us posted... Ann

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I just put our Annie, an Australian shepherd to sleep. She had severe kidney disease and could no longer stand by herself and could not eat. She was 12 years old and we loved her so much. As I write this the tears are flowing down and the picture of her is above the computer and I look at her and cry. She was the gentlest dog and gave love to everyone and gave us her complete trust. This is the second dog we have had to put to sleep. Therefore, I know exactly how you feel. I hopefor both of us time will be a healer. All my best Teddi

Dear Teddi

Thank you for your post. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Annie sounded a beautiful dog. It has been just over a month since I lost my girl - it has been the hardest four weeks of my life and I will miss her forever. But I have found as the weeks have passed I can remember and smile through the tears. I realise now, because of various reasons and events, what a sweet wonderful girl she was, and how lucky and blessed I was to be her mum. People used to say to me my dogs were a credit to me, and what a brilliant mum I was. Now, I can let myself believe this. You will also get to this stage too, right now it hurts so bad I know, the pain is unbearable and I am crying for you as I type this. But try and think of it this way - you said she was the gentlest dog and loved everyone and gave you her trust - that was because of YOU. You took care of her when she was sick and the biggest act of love was to end the suffering. Annie was the wonderful dog she was because you were her mum and dad, you guided her and loved her and you must be very proud of that.

I am sending you my prayers and hugs - there are no words to help, I wish there were - it is time, as you say, that is the healer. Coming here helped get me through and I hope it will you too. I will be thinking of you.

meens ***

Dear ann and moon beam

Very sadly, things didn't work out with the little guy. I am still so cut up about it. I am no expert, but having had my two chis for nearly 16 years I reckon I know a bit about their characters, and how it is vital not to let them get away with stuff because they are so small, or spoil and baby them. He bonded with me instantly, which was lovely but I became "his" - if I left him for a minute, he would bark constantly for my attention.

Betty, our rescue terrier, has a tendency to copy other dogs behaviour - if her buddies on the walks do things, she copies them. So if he barked or lunged at other dogs (even ones she knew and is friends with), she would join in. And he wouldn't stop, so neither would she. I left him for an hour and he was barking (with Betty joining in) the whole time. If we didn't have Betty (Chi wasn't so much of a problem but his constant barking was upsetting her) it would be a different story - we could have worked on his issues one to one. It would have been hard but we would have tried, believe me. But Betty and Chi have to be priority. The second night he barked solid from 10.30pm until 5am - when I had to bring him upstairs to bed with us so he'd be quiet and we could get an hour's sleep. Betty and Chi were downstairs throughout so it wasn't fair on them.

He has gone to one of the rescue ladies and a new owner is coming for him tomorrow. I felt - and still do - a total failure and the guilt is unreal - I feel I have let him down so badly. Handing him in was like losing all over again, I was in tears.

But I guess we have to try and learn from life's experiences - and now I look at the pictures of Marilyn - and realise just what a great dog she was - the sweetest, most caring angel. People used to say to me my dogs were a credit to me, and what a great mum I was. The chis were with me through some horribly difficult times, yet - I see now - I did a pretty good job with them - they were by no means perfect but I was in charge and they were loving, yet independent, they would yap, but when I said be quiet, they were.

I wish it was me that could make that little guy better, I really do. I totally fell for him and the guilt is overwhelming, I don't know if I will ever get over it. But it wasn't right for the sake of my other two dogs, and they come first. It has been a traumatic time, I wish things had turned out different, but it has made me appreciate the years I had with my little Marilyn, and I feel blessed to have been her mum, and so lucky to have her sister Chi and Betty.

My best to you both - I hope you understand.

meens ***

Hi Meens,

I just wanted to let you know I have responded to your email to me regarding Sean. Please don't be hard on yourself.......you did make every effort to try and make it happen. I'll look forward to hearing from you again very soon through email.

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Beth

Hi, Meens, I'm sorry things did not work out with your new little chi. Meens, at least you tried -- and you are absolutely right - - Chi and Betty come first. All of you have been through a traumatic event of losing Marilyn, and as sad as it is to turn this little guy back to rescue for placement it is the best thing you could do for him AND for you, Chi and Betty, and your boyfriend. Please know that you will know in your heart when it's time for another furchild to come into your heart and home. You will have a chance to do some temperament testing to make sure that your new furchild will be a good match for you and your home. Above all, you are NOT a failure. Your Marilyn, Chi, and Betty are testimonies to your loving Pack Leader abilities. Meens, just take it one day at a time, okay? And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will look forward to hearing from you to know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, meens, just checking in with you to see how things are going. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Very sadly, things didn't work out with the little guy. I am still so cut up about it. I am no expert, but having had my two chis for nearly 16 years I reckon I know a bit about their characters, and how it is vital not to let them get away with stuff because they are so small, or spoil and baby them. He bonded with me instantly, which was lovely but I became "his" - if I left him for a minute, he would bark constantly for my attention.

Hi, Meens, I just got caught up on what was happening. I am sorry it didn't work out with the new guy but you have to trust your instincts. The important thing is you tried. That is a big step. He did bond with you but you knew inside there were others to consider. I believe there is one out there for you that will do just fine with everyone else.

He has gone to one of the rescue ladies and a new owner is coming for him tomorrow. I felt - and still do - a total failure and the guilt is unreal - I feel I have let him down so badly. Handing him in was like losing all over again, I was in tears.

The good news is the new one will have a new owner right away. Don't feel like a failure....it was not meant to be...he was not the right one. It would have been wonderful if everything had worked out but sometimes life doesn't make things easy for us. I really do understand about handing him in feeling like losing. I talked my neighbor who wanted to get rid of her cat into giving her to the SPCA here, who will give her a home forever but I felt guilty like I should have taken the cat but my cir%%stances were not right to do so.
Still, I feel bad..even though when we took her there, someone came in right away and wanted her. She was over 10 years old. I guess we have to understand that all these babies cannot possibly be our responsibility but even so, I understand the feeling of handing one over. I think about her a lot and the SPCA gal said she would call and make sure everything worked out else she always has a home there with them. When we see one who needs a home...it tugs at our heart. But from everything you described, I am sure you made the right decision.

I wish it was me that could make that little guy better, I really do. I totally fell for him and the guilt is overwhelming, I don't know if I will ever get over it. But it wasn't right for the sake of my other two dogs, and they come first. It has been a traumatic time, I wish things had turned out different, but it has made me appreciate the years I had with my little Marilyn, and I feel blessed to have been her mum, and so lucky to have her sister Chi and Betty.

Don't allow guilt to overwhelm you. The little guy will have a good home, I am sure. There must be a reason it didn't work out. There must be a special one that Marilyn picked out for you and you just have to find him (or her). Let Marilyn be your guide. When it is meant to be, everything will come together and be right.

Again, the important thing is you did try. I know a new one will add a lot of pleasure to your family. Again, we can't save them all even though we wish we could and the good news the little guy had someone eagerly waiting to give him a home so he didn't just go back into the waiting area. He is getting on with his life. He will be okay.

In the meantime you have Chi and Betty and your boyfriend who sounds very special....driving those 10 hours you mentioned.
You do have a bunch of blessings watching over you. Don't give up trying. There is another special one waiting and when the time is right, you will know you are holding the right one.

Hugs and take care....you are making all the right decisions and for the right reasons. Don't be hard on yourself. You have done nothing wrong.

Judy

Oh, and yes, post as often as you want to..that's what being here is all about. There are always those listening and waiting to help when they can. Remember no one here is truly alone for the bond we all share is too strong.

Hi, meens, it's been a few days and I thought I would just check in with you to see how you, Chi, Betty, and your boyfriend are doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that life is treating you kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Its been a while since I posted but I just wanted to say a few words to my angel.

Marilyn my sweet little girl I miss you so much, more than ever at the moment. I wish you were here to make it all better like you used to do. It would have been your 16th birthday on 1 October and although I was grateful to have your sister to cuddle it wasn't the same without you. Through all the sad times you were there and right now I am going through a really tough time - the last few weeks have been so hard and I can't stop crying.

My fiance, in his wisdom, brought Lily, a puppy, home a month to the day I lost you. I didn't feel ready as it was too soon, especially after the fostering of the chi didn't work . But I was determined to make it work even though I was still hurting inside. Then a month after that (3 weeks ago) he moved out. Leaving me with the three dogs, Betty has gone completely off the rails missing him, Lily is still a handful being only 5 months old and poor old Chi gets older and tireder by the day. I am struggling to cope and miss him - and you, my sweetheart - so much.

I was very brave though and got your photos down from the loft, I cried and cried over seeing you as a puppy again. There were photos with you and my pet hamster and gerbil, you loved them like they were your babies and lay down with them cuddled on your tummy. I cried over missing you and cried over the memories sixteen years have left me. Fifteen years ago I was in the same situation, my then fiance left me with you and your sister, you were only 9 months old and missed him so bad. We went through 6 months of hell but we got through it. I was younger then though and of course I had you my sweet loving little girl, to make it better. You used to gently put your paws on my leg and look at me as if to say, its OK mum, I'm here...

I wish you still were, more than ever. I don't know how I am going to get through this without you my dear sweet girl.

Mummy misses you and will love you always ***

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing with us your news. I am so sorry that your fiancee has left you. You have had a lot of losses in your life this year which makes even the slightest of disappointments more difficult to deal with. Your Betty and Chi need you, though, and they know you are the one they can depend on - - you will not leave them - - not ever, nor will they ever leave you - - and this will help comfort each of you through these difficult days and times. I know what it is like to have someone I care for very much betray me with his exit from my life. I wish I had answers for you that would help you through this, but I don't. What I do know is that Betty and Chi are your FAITHFUL companions, and they will NEVER betray you. Marilyn is with you now comforting you through this hurt - - her sweet living Spirit is touching you and saying to you, "it's okay, mum - - I'm here - - I never left you." People come and go in our lives like our lives and our hearts are a revolving door to them, but our real companions are our furkids whose life's mission is dedicated just for us - - whether they are physically with us or waiting patiently for us to join them in eternal joy at our appropriate time. I know right now your heart is breaking - - mine is breaking with you. Hold fast to the love you have with your girls - - Marilyn, Betty, and Chi - - this is a love that is enduring through time and space. Please know you are not alone in this difficult time, meens. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I do hope you will let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Welcome back to the forum Meens. You were sorely missed by many, and that includes me, even though we have kept in touch otherwise.

I know you are having a very difficult time being forced to cope with so much. Please know I think of you, Chi, Betty, and Lily each and every day and always keep every one of you in my prayers. If you don't already know, I did respond to your last email and look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Much love and many hugs,
Beth

I've just read through this thread and your stories have brought me to tears. I am also from the UK (Scotland). My seven month old kitten passed away in April. She and I lived alone, and she truly was the light of my life. When I lost her I honestly wanted to die. I had five weeks off work and couldn't function at all. If only people without pets could understand what a truly painful experience it is when you lose one.

I am having a bad day today. I like to "pop in" and read other peoples stories from time to time because it reminds me that I am not alone in feeling this immense sadness. Five weeks after Purdy passed away I adopted two kittens. In hindsight, I was ready physically but not emotionally. However, I knew that I couldn't go back to work and come home to an empty house. I felt a huge amount of guilt when I brought them home. When I took Purdy home I fell in love instantly, but when I took Heidi and Coco home I broke down crying. I felt guilty for not loving them, and I felt guilty about them playing with Purdy's toys. It was hard and I felt a whole range of emotions.

I love the two of them to bits now, but I still miss Purdy with all my heart and sometimes the grief feels as raw as the day I lost her. The hardest thing has been going through it alone. She spent three weeks in intensive care and during that time I was a wreck with nobody to support me. When I got the call in the middle of the night to say that she had passed away I was alone. Nobody in my life understood. Nobody could make the pain go away.

Sometimes I look at my (now six month old) kittens and feel so afraid that they are going to get sick. I worry that I can't go through this again. I try to remember that if I hadn't adopted them they may have ended up with somebody that didn't look after them properly. At least they have a loving home with me.

I am sorry about your boyfriend. He wasn't the right guy for you. I think eventually you will see him leaving as being a positive thing, because now you are free to be with somebody who truly loves and understands you. I don't have anybody in my life, but I think any potential man will have to understand how much I love my pets. Animal lovers only need apply!

I hope you feel better soon.

Much love, Lynsey x

I forgot to mention, I had a portrait done of Purdy, and it is beautiful. I emailed the artist a photo and she painted a lovely watercolour for me. I wanted something special to remember a special kitten. I don't know if this is something you have thought about doing, but here is the link if you are interested. The artist (Pauline Gledhill) is in the UK.

http://www.ukpetportraits.co.uk/

Dear Lynsey

Thank you for your post - its nice to know there's someone who is on the same time zone as me, it can make it a bit awkward with posting and getting replies when there's s a time difference. I am so sorry about Purdy, I know how hard it is going through it alone. I wish I had known what was going on during those three weeks when she was in intensive care, I would have been here for you. Even though my fiance was still around when I lost my Marilyn, it was me that was at the vets with her to the end. Sometimes I think its worse being in a relationship yet feeling alone, does that make sense? At least when you are on your own you can cry and cry and grieve for your losses without worrying what the other person thinks, or feeling like you have to put a front on. But it is hard being on your own, I know only too well as I have had a string of failed relationships and sometimes I wonder how will I cope, I am so tired of fighting and trying to stay strong yet missing him so much it hurts.

Our situations are quite similar in bringing the new babies home - I wasn't ready for him bringing the pup home and now he has gone it feels even worse. I, like you did, sometimes feel I could never love Lily as much. Marilyn was such a kind caring little dog and right now I miss her perhaps more than ever. Even typing this I am welling up again. Her sister is getting older and more frail by the day it seems and there is that feeling of dread as to the inevitable happening. When she goes it will destroy me, such a huge part of my life will be over.

I hope today is a better day for you. Those kittens have a wonderful mum and I think you have done brilliant giving them a loving home. Please don't feel alone, I'm here, as is everyone else on this board. Feel free to send me a personal message too.

Thanks for the link as well, definitely something I will look into once the finances are a bit more sorted.

Love and hugs

meens ***

Hi moon_beam and thank you for your reply. You always write such lovely words. I guess its because you've been there, and truly understand. I am sorry you were betrayed, if you ever want to talk you can PM me.

I wish I could say, hey I feel fine and I've finally got my life back, but of course I don't. I don't like to be a burden to people, I don't like myself much anyway but when I'm feeling like this, even less so. I just muddle through the days. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. It comforts me more than you know.

Love

meens xx

Good morning Meens,

I did receive your email this morning and want you to know I will respond later today. This time I will rmember to take your email address to work with me.

You are not a burden to anyone here.............don't ever let yourself think that! This is a safe place to let your feelings out with no worries about anything.

Keep coming and keep sharing. It is through the exchanges we make with each other that help us get through these most difficult times. Right now you need LS more than ever.

Hugs girlfriend and hang in there,
Beth