Im gonna lose my little angel, and when she goes im gonna be lost.
She's full of tumors and only has weeks or less to live, i promised i'd never let no one hurt her but im gonna have to decide to kill her.
It's because of her im here today and i owe her everything ( i was abused growing up at home and beaten and bullied at school regularly, if i hadn't got her i would have done myslef in when i was 16, she gave me reason to live) and now i feel like i did when i was 16 ie lost, helpless and numb.

Please read some of the posts on here. You will never replace her. As you know, they have souls and personalities and are all special. But never feel guilty about giving a new friend a chance. You will transfer all your feelings to the next one, who will carry on her legacy.
I still cry whenever I encounter bits of Miles' nuisance fur everywhere, or find something she liked, or do some of the things where she used to interrupt me all the time.
But the best thing I ever did was to interview a new "Applicant". I gives me a sense of continuity. We are simply designed to live longer than they are. Miles had cancer, the same way. She tried and tried to "Be Normal" for me. When I saw the XRays I nearly fainted....it would have been cruel and selfish to keep her going for a week or two, when she was struggling so hard to please me. t would not have been fair to her.
You are a Pet Person now. It's who you are.
Somewhere, there is a new friend who needs your help, and will work hard to help you feel better. You may save their lives, and they will know it and spend the rest of their devoted lives repaying you for it.
All the good feelings you ever had are in storage right now, but they can be taken off the shelf and be restarted, really. There will never be another like our special friend, of course, and they will live with us for the rest of our lives.

Thanks for the reply, i've been reading alot of posts over the last few weeks, in fact i read posts every so often over the last 8 years regarding loss of pets on here and other forums.

I agree on the getting a new friend, thing is i already have another 3 furries and love em all to bits, 2 were rescue dogs, and holly, my little ratdog (she looks like one) i got as a pup just over 2 years ago. It's just the way i feel for her is unbelieveable, i never got love from anyone including my parents until i was 16 and clyde ( i know she has a boy name, funny story for another time) came into my life, she actually made me happy and helped me get through my life to a normal stage where it is now. When she leaves me im scared of what im gona feel, think or do, i've always been a short fused and emotional person thanks to my childhood.

Some of the posts i have read and people i have met still struggle to get over the losses even from years ago and i have a feeling i will too struggle.
My girlfriend and my other 3 dogs will ease the pain but i had to leave work early monday due to being so upset and haven't been back since, im finding it so very hard.

It feels like im going back into a deep state of depression, just like when i was younger and never got help or a understanding for it. I've booked myself into see the doctor friday, i'll see how it goes. Problem is work doesn't understand and i could lose my job if i don't go back in, how can i work on a phone with people moaning and complaining all day when i have my own life crisis. It's a job i've had 8months vs a dog i deserve to give my 100% attention and care, no choice really, i can't leave her side now :-(

heres my other pooches scuby, bonnie and holly, the ratdog :-)

I am so so sorry you're going through this Hell. She's such a beautiful girl. I can relate to how you feel. I had a rough time growing up and if it wasn't for my dog - Bono, I'm not sure I'd be here today either. When he died, a part of me died with him.

Euthanising her is a personal decision, but in own humble opinion, it's for the good of the dog if she will otherwise be in great pain. It's a final act of kindness from you to her, even though your heart will be broken afterwards.

Please continue to use this site as you go through this horrific time. We're here for you. x

The top 2 pictures of her out and about were only taken yesterday on a nice 30min walk and she jumps up everytime i stick my trainers on wanting to go out for a walk. Shes always happy to see me, even when i just pop out of the room and back in. She eats loads and loads and still gets up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and lets us know if we are a sleep. She even guards any food of hers from the others cos she is the alpha of the 4 and still knows it.

For me to let her go now doesn't seem right, she still loves here life and manages 4-5 walks a day, sometimes a long one too. Some people may feel it's the right time but trust me when the time does come and i feel she doesn't want to hang around i won't let her suffer.

Only thing is i daren't let her walk up and down the stairs as her back end is weaker but apart from that and her tumors i can say she still is happy for now. Ask the postie, everytime he posts she's up like a shot barking at the door.

ps my girlfriend has promised to tell me when she thinks it right, as my judgement may end up cloudy.

I know the feelings and how paralyzing they can be, but you HAVE TO support scuby, bonnie and holly, and maybe throwing yourself into work can be distracting enough to get you through the first few weeks and stop the cycle of self-feeding depression.
I am semi retired now and run my own business. A couple of days after she died, I got a bunch of orders that HAD to ship. I resented them, and it was especially bad for me because Miles always bothered and harrassed me when I tried to work. She would, after I was downstairs working for what she considered was "Too Long" would come down and scream at me to carry her upstairs. If I did not then she would sabotage me by standing on the shipping scale (I always knew what she weighed!), climb into and on top of boxes, and generally make a nuisance of herself. So that first workday, when everything went smoothly for once, I was devastated and had to stop, cry, get back to work, repeat as needed. It sucked.
But looking back on it, it was the best thing I could have done because it did keep me from dwelling on it.
Your three others probably need you more than ever right now, and they need you to pay Vet Bills, buy food, and pay for the the place you live. You do NOT want to be going around with your three dogs, pushing all your wordly goods in a shopping cart!!!
Wherever we may be, remember there are always worse places.
I have a couple of other great cats here, but it is not the same thing as my Cat Wife Miles, so I know..But still, your life has to go on, at least for the essentials.
I know I am sounding harsh and do not mean to. Some grief is healthy and proper, but you will still need income when this is over, and sometimes focussing on the mundane and "Normal" is healthier than getting sucked into a whirlpool and going down the drain.
I had the closest relationship I ever had in my life with Miles..it was total passionate devotion. I will never get over it, but life has to go on.

Your angel is beautiful. I'm so sorry she is full of tumors, and that it is on you to make the decision to end her suffering. It is a hard phone call to make, it took me three hours to call the vet
You aren't "killing" her, that sounds so inhumane. I was with my dog when he had to go, and he was gone before I knew it, it was so fast and painless, and I held him afterwards, and his body just seemed as if he was asleep, finally at rest.
There is a reason she came to you when she did, at that time in your life. It seems like even if you never show it that you have a lot of love in your heart, at least enough to give to your angel.
That love will live on. And though it is very very painful now, I hope your heart will once again love, even though right now it feels that is not possible.
When I lost my dog of 16 years, I had to have him put to sleep because of cancer, I thought I'd NEVER EVER love another dog again.
Then one day, I found a dog along the beach, and a man was kicking him!!! He said the dog was a stray and he wanted it to leave. The dog was mangy, and thin, but those eyes told me he needed me. Now, I never replaced my other dog, the love is different for each one. I can't describe it, but some day, probably when you least expect it, you will be needed. Your purpose right now is to care for your dog, and there is a purpose for you after she is gone. She was here for a reason, you have to figure it out and carry on. Sorry, no one can help you in that department, we are all figuring out why it hurts so bad to lose them, yet we do it again. There is a wonderful story on here called "you chose tears" sorry I don't know the link, but it is very good.
But you may be called to save another some day.
I'm sure if I hadn't passed along the beach that day, that man would have kicked that dog to death. The day I took that dog, was the day my heart started to heal.

Just saw the pics and posts of your other dogs. OH, they are SOOO CUTE.
I hope everything is going OK with you. My doctor was totally understanding when I lost my pet, he knew I was grieving, and offered techniques to relax. The more I worried, the more I grieved, and it was a downward spiral. I think you are on the right tract going to the doc. But, then again, my doc is a dog lover and totally understands where I'm coming from. If your doctor doesn't have a pet, I don't see how they can understand grief fully.
I've never cried for some people as I have for my pets, as weird as that sounds, it is true.
Take care of yourself, and keep us posted.

Money isn't an issue, i have enough saved for a VERY rainy day, i can get another job too if need be when/if i get over this but no way can i go into work no, i just feel so lost and couldn't care less about anything like my job.

My other 3 dogs won't suffer, they all still get loads of love, they know im upset and when i look at them i know they need me too plus my girlfriend is here to help me look after the others.

I have been where you are and all I can advise is....if you ever feel it might be the time...ask your vet. If he thinks there is still a quality of life he will say No. If he feels your baby is in pain, he will leave it up to you but will let you know that if you ask.

So far, it sounds as though Clyde is acting normal. When my girl Shepherd was full of tumors, my first indication was she refused to eat. That is a symptom that can't be allowed to go on. I was shocked to see an x-ray that showed she had tumors in both her lungs, against her heart and one against her throat (which I thought might mean it hurt her to eat). So far your Clyde is doing normal things and if you have any doubt about her quality...ask your vet. He knows where the tumors are and if he felt Clyde was having pain at this time, I am sure he would have given you pain pills. Mine was given 6 months or less and she acted normal except when she refused to eat and that required an immediate trip to the vet.

You said you grew up with Clyde. I understand your use of the word "kill". I wonder.....is this your first time having to make a decision like this? Even though it is never ever an easy decision....I will never forget my first time...it was the worst of all.

Later I had another Shepherd who developed a spinal cord injury but she was never in pain or actually suffering but there were other symptoms that disturbed me and I asked the vet...when do I know when she should leave me. His answer was : when you feel she has lost her quality of life and especially how much of that quality. I have used that as my guide ever since.

Just as you said you felt....my foremost thought was not to let them suffer. It is not a decision you should feel rushed into especially when her quality still sounds there. But I really would be asking my vet when he thinks, what signs to look for that would be important, how he thinks her quality is now..knowing what she does have. All that lets you have the time to think about things.
Remember, that decision is to allow a peaceful sleeping....which is 1000% better than what used to happen many years ago.

A few years back in 2002 we had to make a decision to put down my Little Guy's twin brother, Keeper. We had a mobile vet come to our home. We were fighting the decision and she looked at the medical records to be sure she thought there was a good reason to do it..but we were so upset...she first said while my husband held him, she would give him a tranquilizer which would allow him to sleep and give us a few more moments to decide but she said the only thing is we had to make the final decision before he woke up which would take maybe 10 or 15 minutes.

I have never been able to be with them when it happens because I am too emotional and would only panic them at a time they need to feel relaxed and not scared and the people that are with them make special efforts to make them feel okay. Other people can be with their special ones at the time. I do not think either decision can be the wrong one.

I do know with my last one, when I knew he was sick, I did keep some of his fur from his brush and put it in a plastic ziplock bag along with a favorite toy. I am glad I did that because it gives me an actual physical part of him I can still touch. Sometimes it is the little things that wind up meaning so much.

Take Care and enjoy Clyde every minute of every day you and she are being given. Do what you feel is right to do and don't feel rushed to make a decision without getting an opinion from your vet. They are not allowed to tell you Yes or No but you can ask questions about Clyde and what she is and would go through eventually and make your decisions based on those answers. Clyde or your vet are your best sources of information about what is best for her.

I think what is agonizing you right now is thinking about having to make the decision. That thought alone is intensely painful.
It's like when you are torn about making a decision...you can be consumed by doubts either way and your relief usually comes when the decision is made. In this case, tell yourself you do not have to decide this second. If you have any doubts about that, talk to your vet. Clyde seems to be enjoying so much right now and doing so many normal things...it is hard to think she has a short time. Your vet is the one who knows what is happening physically and all you can do is keep informed. Talk to him on the phone and give him an update on how she is doing and what does he think (I did that). Usually I call the vet and say I want to give her/him an update report on my baby who he is treating and when he has time could he give me a call and they always called. It helped a lot. Offer to bring her in if he thinks he can tell better how she is doing....the more you know....the more you will remember later that lead you to eventually make the decision. Don't let the thought of having to make it tear you apart. Enjoy your time with CLyde and take lots of pictures. The ones you posted are really good and show just how beautiful she is.

Take Care. Come here and post your thoughts anytime.....it can help.

I am so sorry that your little angel will soon pass. The pain and agony that accompanies the death, or the anticipation death, of a furlove is heartbreaking. Because of the deep love you have for her, you are taking her pain away for her. That's a heavy load to carry. Your decision to end her pain shows just how connected you and she are in your relationship with each other. She became an integral part of you during the time you and she had together. When her time comes and as she passes on, she will continue to be a part of your very being. One day you are sure to meet again, in a place where there is no end, for it is timeless.

When Goliath passed away so suddenly and unexpectedly, I thought I died too. I knew he was on his way to Heaven. But, as I stood there in complete and utter shock ................ I was convinced I must have died too, except I went straight to hell. Nothing in my life had ever been so painful and crippling. For the first two months after Goliath passed away I turned inward and completely shut myself off from everything. I had no desire to live because I couldn't see anything worthwhile to live for if Goliath wasn't there to share it with me. My world was not only shaken but turned completely upsidedown. I became bankrupt physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I can relate to what you are saying when you speak of having had an abusive childhood. During my childhood, I always felt like some kind of misfit no matter where I went. It seemed as though nobody understood me whether at school or home. My parents were very strict and did not know how to show love in discipline. Their way of showing how much they cared was through the use of a leather belt. The only time I felt loved was when I was spending time with animals. Their love came so freely to me. It wasn't uncommon for me to have birds perch on my fingers without fear. Other small animals including squirrels and chipmunks brought me much love when they approached me with no reservation. My first little friend was a snapper turtle, who allowed me to love him. Not once did he try to bite me, and he always followed me wherever I went. Hence, my deep love for animals just grew and grew over the years.

In January of this year I discovered this site. Here I found the most wonderful, compassionate, and understanding people I could have ever wished for. My prayers were answered when I found this group of people who had also suffered the loss of someone they loved so much. We care about each other in this forum and it is here we share through our exchanges of thoughts and feelings. Soon after I came here I began to spend more time feeling the sunshine through the memories Goliath and I had made together over his 10 1/2 years. Little by little the deep depression left me and was replaced by warm and happy remembrances of a place in time where we were happy, joyous, and free.

Goliath was one in a million. He left me so much more than grief when he passed from my loving arms and into the hands of God. Our memories together are what fills my treasure chest with so much love and gratitude. I was very lucky to have ever known such a love in my life. While Goliath may not be alive in the physical sense, he is very much alive and doing quite well in my heart.

Keep coming back to us. Let us help you by sharing in your sadness and sorrow. It is here we lean on each other and help find a way to become happier and healthier individuals in our quest of recovering.

May you be comforted in knowing that you and your little angel are so blessed to share in a love that can never be broken. The special kind of love you and she have together is forever bound by the strings of your hearts.

Today I am grateful for having found the inspiration and hope with gratitude in finding restoration of happiness and fulfilment in my heart. Together we can all look toward a happier place in our hearts filled with sunshine and love and give thanks.

Goliath is the music in me and his legacy lives on through his love songs that forever remain in my heart. Yes, I love and enjoy life today and will sing and sing every opportunity that comes my way and give thanks. For life is good!

@LoveThem the vet said on monday he understood if we wanted to call it a day but i told him she was eating, walking and always happy to see me, we had taken her for a 45min walk prior to goin to the vets. Im begining to think i should consider letting her go but i just took her out for a walk and she still had that twinkle in her eye and walked thru most muddy puddles we walked past just to annoy me :-)

The fact that yours had tumors too and the fact they were so bad made up your mind seems like i might be being unfair, i just hope im not!

It is my first time of making this choice but i thought about it 8years ago and cried uncontrollably then at losing both her and bonnie, scuby and holly came to me at a later time and i understood fully what i was letting myself in for.

Im glad everyone here understands how i feel as i don't feel like an outcast knowing it's normal to feel so hurt by the death of my little soulmate.

She only has one life like all of us, she loves to go out still and walk on the fresh green grass and walk through the shallow waters. She still loves protecting me and the others from the badguy who messes with our postbox and she still loves her food. Is it fair to end it all forever when she still loves doing her favourite things? She can never do it again when she goes and the fact that i don't believe in heaven or afterlife and i know in my heart that when she's gone i will never have her again, gives me no hope of ever losing this pain.

@Goliath i too connect more with animals ever since i was a kid and always helped the odd chick which had fell from a nest or fed strays. It's strange but rarely have i met a person, except luckily my girlfriend who is remotely like me and feels the way i do, hopefully with people like you and others words and her support i can find some light but at this point it seems pretty hopeless.

Love to you all and thanks for your support, im sorry for all your losses and praise you all for the strength you have that i lack.

Please do not relate my dog's tumors to what Clyde has. I had no choice because she would not eat and I cannot let an animal starve to death. To me when an animal stops eating...that is a major sign.

The tumors my sweet girl had were the size of grapefruits and if it was only one lung..I would have asked about surgery but in both lungs....no, and I never would have taken her in at all if she hadn't stopped eating. The first thing they did was take x-rays. She had beat cancer years before but even though her x-rays were all clear 12 months prior....they weren't clear on the x-ray that day.

Your Clyde is doing everything and still has a twinkle in her eyes. and I laughed when you talked about her walking through the mud puddles.

I don't know where Clyde's tumors are and how the vet felt she was feeling. But I would ask for an estimate of time and I also would ask what to notice when the time came close. It doesn't sound as though he gave you pain pills for her. Can he keep track of the size of the tumors by x-raying her every so often? As a check on what is happening?

You know, you know her better than anyone and you would notice even a small difference in her so keep your eyes on her and love her and watch her and if something bothers you that you see, ask the vet what is happening. So far, she is acting normal and each day she acts that way is a gift to you and her. It seems if she is able to go on a 45 minute walk...she must feel good enough to do that. If she is eating okay...that again means it doesn't bother her to eat.

Again, I would ask the vet what signs to look for in the future that might signal it is time to bring her in.

I still think that 45 minute walk sounds amazing...I couldn't last that long myself.

Take care and give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her just what a wonderful special girl she is and she has touched other hearts here of people who wish her and you some more quality time.

Hummm, maybe you do believe in more than you think. Because your heart is talking louder than your head. (totally impossible for a soulmate without a soul, correct?)
I certainly won't argue anyones belief system. After all, dead is dead. What one believes after that is their own personal business, and, to tell the truth, after I'm dead I'm not discussing it with anybody. And, oftentimes I don't like discussing it while I'm alive But, then again, it depends on who I am discussing it with. Yes, many points to ponder.

Just an uplifting note, my dog was diagnosed with a cancer that should have killed him in 6 months. I opted for benign neglect (a fancy term meaning I took him home to let him live out his life with no cancer treatment, as the case may be, there ARE no treatment options for his form of cancer.)
That was over a year ago He is for the most part fine, though recently some issues have popped up, but I don't think they are related to his cancer, more his age, he is a 14 year old labrador.
I think your girl will let you know when it is time. I think you will look in those eyes, and that spark you refer to will be gone, you will know.

This article is found in the Pet Loss Resources and Article Section. I have read it many times and found much comfort. Over the course of the last 6 months, since Goliath passed away, I have sought out many avenues of finding peace and happiness. For the longest time I couldn't bear to even think of a new puppy without feeling as though I was betraying Goliath. Now that the happy memories he and I made together are the focus of my recovery, I have been freed to love another. Just last weekend we adopted an 8 week old male chihuahua from a rescue shelter. He has brought a new kind of happiness and bliss into our loving home. But, I had to wait til I was ready and doing it for the right reasons. Today I know Goliath is happy and proud to have such a precious little brother who brings me such laughter and joy.

I have just (two weeks ago) been through hell. Am going through hell still. For about three weeks before Lenny was put to sleep, I knew that it was a real possibility. In the last week, it became a certainty. Two weeks ago I had to make the decision and chose the best for him, though not for me.

So many wonderful people here - so much good advice.

I can only say three things. Maybe they will help, maybe they will not. But I'll try. They're only my opinion though.

While your angel is getting quality of life, then I think you are doing the right thing. Dogs, like people, can be happy regardless of pain or discomfort. While she's happy, that's ok. When she is in pain and miserable most of the time, well that's when you must consider the alternative.

In terms of yourself, you must remember that you have others depending on you - loving you. This beautiful creature loves you just as they do, and would be heartbroken if she thought that her passing would end your life. You must learn to live and enjoy life afterwards. (Don't ask me how - I am still struggling with that. All I know is that it is not about forgetting, but learning to love without attachment. Maybe in a couple of months or years I'll know more about it.)

No heaven? That's ok. Some believe in heaven, others in reincarnation, others (like yourself) in just non-existance. Any (or all?) of those might be true or false. But in very tangible ways, those we love do continue on - as part of us. Not only memories, which they certainly do live on in, but in the way we are, the people we become. You have said that she was one of the main reasons you got through your earlier life and therefore she has made you what you are today. So in that sense, she is part of you (and of course, you are part of her). Part of you will die with her. Part of her will live with you. Does that make sense?

I long, everyday, to go back into the past. To change it, or enjoy it. And everyday I cry - sometimes outside, sometimes inside. And yes, I have thought of 'ways out'. But what comment would I be making about someone who I loved so much? What testament to Lenny would there be in saying that his arrival in my life only made me die?

Your angel perhaps saved your life - and more, has helped make you into (i perceive) a great and loving person. Don't throw that gift away - grow it in the memory of your darling angel, your current brood of four-legs, and the two-leg who loves you.

"heaven, afterlife, who knows ....i will never have her again...."
you will never have her again like in the past...
but you will remember her, each and every day,
her love, her smell, her smooth fur, her friendship forever...
(i lost my boxer-girl Freya 1975,
she has been my very best friend, and i still miss her, i will miss her till the end of my life. )
don`t be too sad
it will get better
our animalfriends want us to be happy
Eva

[ Part of you will die with her. Part of her will live with you. Does that make sense?
]

That sounds about right. Beautifully expressed.
My boy, Duffy had a lot of tumors for several years before we lost him. The vet felt that he was too old to operate and they were pretty topical so they didn't bother him. It was when he was unable to walk that one of the tumors started to bleed that we knew that it was only a matter of time. It sounds to me that Clyde still has a decent quality of life and is savoring these times right now-although, you would know the best as to whether that is true. It is such a difficult decision to be faced with. I guess the way I look at it is that we owe it to them to be sure that they are not in pain and that the quality of their life is up to the standard that they would want. Hopefully, that makes some sense.

My heart goes out to you. The knowledge that it was coming soon and that I might have to make a decision of this magnitude was so much to bear. Please know that you have a great deal of support here.

It gives me great strength to know so many of you are somehow managing with your huge losses.
Whats hard is clyde was diagnosed on the 12th of march after the vet checked her on the 10th and told us the possibilities of what was happening. Worst nightmares were confirmed on that day when he phoned us to tell us what was happening, to say i was shocked was an understatement, i felt dizzy, sick and shook and cried so much. She seemed so unwell that week and we thought we would lose her, i stayed with her day and night monitoring her condition and thinking she would be gone by the end of the week. By some miracle she is still here 7weeks later looking and acting great, which is making it even harder because that bond we share has grown so much greater and the thought of losing her even more difficult to live with.

Her life, and quality of it is of the upmost importance and i won't let her go out like my girlfriends-grandparents dogs went, they were sick, could barely walk, slept/lived on plastic sheets and didn't have a quality of life. It was just that her grandad couldn't let go.
I want to tell people clyde got ill and we didn't want her too suffer, not stories of how her backend was lame and she wet her self all the time.

She has been out again today, enjoyed a 30mins walk and a nice car trip plus ate some fresh chicked again (we spoil her rotten now and write it all on a calender so we know when and what she's eaten), will be taking her out again shortly as the day is beautiful again.

For those of you that do pray, say a little prayer for me and clyde, ask that clyde can get to her 12 birthday on the 20th of may, that's all i'll ever want in life. Thank you all.

Sindii: There will be many here who will pray for you and Clyde. I pray you two have more quality time. So far what you have said sounds like things are better for now. You just have to enjoy all good times you are blessed with. You and she survived March and that sounds like a little miracle of some kind happened.

You sound like you are doing all the right things for her and you and have the right attitude, which is important. Don't think of this extra time as making it harder to let her go...think of it as a gift to the both of you to be given more quality time together. There is a lot of good advice in the replies I have seen you have above.

As I said before... doing this for the first time ever in your life makes everything much harder to think about and deal with but it is not impossible....we have all had a first time and I'm sure it is one we never forget. You have had the wonderful good and healthy years with Clyde and still have some time. It may be longer than you think...when I read some replies here of one's special pet going on longer than the doctors have predicted. So..you never know what will happen but can enjoy whatever happiness you have together now.

I like your attitude, Sindii. It makes me feel good for Clyde and that as lucky as you feel to have had her, she also is lucky to have someone like you in her life.

One "mom" here said about her loss: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her. If we are lucky, we have many years of that joy and love they give us. We cannot escape the ending but I know I would never trade having any of my girls and boys to avoid the future. I want that joy and unconditional love as long as possible because once you have it , it becomes a part of your life and it is hard to do without, and that's why the door opens in the future for another and sometimes you hope that just maybe your special one's soul was reborn and reunited with you. But if not here...then there cannot be a Heaven without us being reunited with all who have touched our lives in such a wonderful and meaningful way.

In the meantime what you are doing with Clyde is a good positive thing to do. I know she is enjoying her days with you as much as you are with her. Don't grieve for her before it is her time...that will be a waste of the precious time you two are spending together right now. Just watch her and enjoy her and love her.

Take Care...my prayers are with you two every day....she just sounds like a real sweetheart and can't be hugged enough.

You can bet both of you have already been included in my prayers over the last few days. I promise I will keep you in my prayers each time I give thanks for all I have been blessed with. However, I must tell you that sometimes the answer to a prayer isn't the answer we are necessarily looking for. But, I trust my Higher Power has a plan for me. Since I am an optismist to a fault, I will keep a postive attitude that ALL your needs will be met.

In the meantime, take this special time with Clyde and give her all you have in you. One day at a time, cherish in the love you and she share. These are the moments you will remember for the rest of your life.

Yeah, im trying to stay happy and enjoy every moment with her, just every so often i begin to tremble and just cry, i lose control. The thought of coming home and she's not here, scares the hell out of me. Home is home because of Clyde, even if i lived on the streets.

For every day i've shared in her life, the happiness she has and is giving me, the heartbreak i feel now cannot compete with the love we have.
We all know we wouldn't swap it for anything in the world and knew the day would come, i feel we all wish they coud go peacefully in their sleep from old age.

It's funny, they say your life flashes by you with near death experiences (even though it's not mine), for the last few weeks memories i totally forgot about just keep popping into my head, making me both cry and smile.

The most amazing one, which i'll never forget is the day we got her. My dad wanted to get a boy, so when me and my mum went to the pet shop, i spotted the pup i wanted( you always know from the first moment), i had wanted a dog all my life and was jealous of everyone who ever had one, my mum asked the guy to pick us out a male dog and i pointed the one i wanted, he gave HIM a quick check and said HE was ok to take.
When we got in my brothers named HIM clyde, anyway, that night when my dad got in, he was stroking HIM and checking HIM when he came out with 'it's not a boy, you've got a GIRL." Name was chosen and we liked it so we didn't change it.
I always wanted a girl dog, wasn't too keen on the lipstick that friends dogs liked to display :-)

Bonnie and scuby are getting on too, this expeirence will help me with them too. Bonnie still is the same dog i rescued at 18months, she's the peter pan of the dog world :-)

What a funny story- so that's how she became Clyde. We are with you, Sindii! Enjoy your precious angel. It sounds like she is having a great time too.

Sindii: You and Clyde did bring back a lot of memories of my "best friend". Her name was Gypsy and it has been many years but it was just the 2 of us when I was living on my own. It is always nice to put a face to a story and you have given us some wonderful pictures of Clyde and your other special ones.

So you can see, even though my last one, Little Guy, was different...I also know the bond and connection you are feeling with Clyde and why my prayers are with you and every time you post her doing her normal things...including walking in the mud puddles...it makes me smile just at the thought of the 2 of you being together.

Your story of giving her her name is priceless. I'll bet you even have a puppy picture somewhere..and we all know puppies and kittens just make us go awwwwwwwwwh.

Take care and give Clyde a big hug and a kiss on that beautiful nose of hers. My thoughts are with the two of you always.

It took me awhile to figure that one out. I couldn't figure out who was who until I had read the posting explaining the name and where it came from.

Judy........That was a great suggestion to ask Surinder if he had some puppy pics. I would love to see them too.

Much love to all

Sad thing is all the puppy pics we ever took were lost but i love the grown up clyde and the pictures i have of her as an adult. I've have some puppy pics of holly and clyde basically looked like her except clyde's legs got longer and holly stayed a little shorty :-)
When i look at them they remind me of her as a pup, the earliest one's i have are from about a year to 18mnths, i'll dig them up and post them.

I love your dog, GS are a favourite of mine and maybe one day i'll have one as my own too.

Clyde got me up bright and early this morning but was very tired last night after her walks, she's still going strong and makes me forget she is ill at times. She's waiting for a walk so i best get going.

ps clyde gave me the best moments in life and from what i've read it's true for all good people (you guys) and their furry companions. Anything that i've done in my life without clyde has been superceded by something i have done with her ie going partying in blackpool wasn't as good or memorable as going to the seaside with my pack.

We cannot remember our holidays before Lenny - only those we had with him! Married 20 odd years and only the Lenny holidays stay with us.

Every day in Lennys last two weeks we hoped, prayed, wished, and did everything we could physically and mentally to try to make him better. Sometimes he improved a lot. We even started planning his next holiday. It was (is) hard to balance the black outlook with the rosie one we'd rather have.

I tried to treasure every day with him. Do that with Clyde. It may not help you at first, but it will in time. And be open with her. She does understand more than 'bla bla bla bla Clyde bla bla bla walk'. She understands a lot more than she's given credit for (by those who have never experienced such love) and she will be picking up on your sorrow and distress. Tell her you love her, that the end may be coming, but that your love for her will never end.

And the later pictures are (to me) so much more valuable than the earlier ones. So treasure those and don't worry about any puppy pics that might be lost. The love and bond you share has culminated in the friends you are now, so while puppy pics might be cute, the later pictures are closer to your heart.

I feel for you because you are treading my road - a road which I have not reached the end of yet. Today I can type this. Last night I had to touch type because I was crying so much. But we'll get through, because others have gotten through, and lots of them are here to help us.

I can totally relate with the above statement. Though Jim and I have been married for nearly 35 years, it has been the last 11 1/2 years that have been the best. When Goliath passed away our world fell apart. Neither of us could imagine life without Goliath. Together, we wept for days in each other's arms.

After I came upon this site, I began to change. Over time I began to heal. As I began to allow myself to feel the happiness of the great memories we had with Goliath, the deeper emotions of grief and sadness lessened dramatically. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Goliath many times. But, thoughts of him today bring me smiles of joy. I am so thankful to have ever had such a love in my life. Goliath will always remain in my heart because he brought so much love into our lives and our home.

Singii: Whatever pictures you have of Clyde are all special. I would love to see them. She looks so good in the ones you posted.

By the way, 1 year old I still consider a puppy!

I found mine started acting more like an adult around the age of 3. I guess when they used to say 7 years x3 = 21 human years old...I used as a guide. I know it is not set in stone but mine did seem to settle down around age 3.

I read back where you talked about being scared when you think of coming home and her not being there........you might think about taking your very favorite picture of her and having an 8x10 made up, put it in a frame and put it where your eyes meet hers when you walk in the door. I felt such an emptiness in my home when my Little Guy left and I have put his pictures in every room so when I walk into a room, I see him and for me, that helps. I also kept his favorite toy and a bit of his fur as physical reminders. Many times I will walk up to the picture and touch his face and tell him I miss him. Even a small comfort is a comfort.

In fact, from what I see in your photos, Clyde is looking so good you might think about taking some pictures of the 2 of you now and putting those in frames. I love the one you first posted here of the 2 of you. You two looked so close together it was as though you were a part of each other and one could not tell where one ends and the other begins..and I am sure you feel that way about her.

My prayers continue to be with the both of you and I wish for you two many more quality of life times together. There are stories here where vets have been amazed how well someone's special one is doing so we really never know and all we can do is enjoy them and love them and hug them as much as possible and thank each day together as a blessing we will never forget. It doesn't surprise me that a dog's spirit can amaze a vet...we already know our special ones are........special!

I'm praying that you and your baby will have as many long, blessed days as you still can. I hope she will make it to her birthday, since that is what you wish. Myself, I think I'd be a little ambivalent about losing her on her b-day. Hug her sweet neck for me, and tell her I hope she sees her 21st birthday.

Mack and Sadies Mom,
Dayna

Thanks for your prayers guys, She looked a bit uncomfortable last night, maybe cos she was squashed inbetween me and my girlfriend on the bed. I did have half my body hanging of though to give her more room :-)

We've just brought her back from an early morning walk that lasted over an hour, which was nice and steady for her and she didn't look to struggle at all.

ps i feel so selfish for feeling so bad for her and myself when i keep seeing new posts popping up with tragic losses and stories that are so heartbreaking. My heart and sympathy's go out to all of you guys. It really is a hard time for all of us.

Grief and worry IS hard work for all of us Surinder, just as you said. It's painful and nobody enjoys feeling that way.

LoveThem suggested some very good ideas to you and I agree with her 100%. Framing pictures and placing them around the house has helped me tremendously. There is at least one pic in every room. Just yesterday it occurred to me that I should make one of my pics into a screensaver. So, I added a variety of pics to my puter and can change the background any time I choose.

Do whatever you find that provides you with comfort. Keep coming back and know just how much we care and genuinely understand. You are not alone, for we all come together here out of love.

I been thinking of you and your precious one today. Glad to hear it was a good one.

Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

That feeling of inevitability is finally dawning on me and it is sickening :-(
Her bum is swelling a bit more from a tumor and needs cleaning everyday, along with giving her tablets to stop infection, she's also generally eating less but is at least still eating.

I had a beautiful coffin made for her 6weeks ago by a friend, who works at an undertakers, but now im seriously thinking of getting her cremated so her ashes will always be with me. It feels like i need her remains at my home and not in the ground where she will be without me near here. Even when she's gone, i feel like i'll need to protect her remains because that's what i've done all her life.

I have read a lot of posts here of people who have created their special ones and I have not read one who regretted that decision.
In fact, it seems reassuring knowing they have an urn that can be with them forever....wherever they live. I hope some of them post here to give you their ideas on how to memorialize a baby. I guess some places that do it...will also do something with a photo..I don't really know but you may find a special comfort in knowing if you ever move..she will be with you physically as well as being a part of your heart. You might spend some time checking into various results....whether to have a picture, etc. I have no idea of what is involved. You might search through topics here where the topic has been about the ashes, etc. and see what ideas people had.


Every day together is a gift and I hope you two have some more time.

I lost my parents in 2000 and they belonged to the Neptune Society that does human cremation. They had kept the ashes of their beloved dogs in beautiful small wooden boxes. My parents were to be created and their ashes scattered from a boat out in the Pacific Ocean outside San Diego, California. The Society said they would be willing to also include scattering the pets ashes at the same time at the same place. I liked that idea and I think my folks would have also. I had not heard of it done before but the thought of them all being together forever gave me a feeling of peace. Just another way having ashes can be a permanent way of having them forever.

Whatever feels right to you will be the right thing to do...it just always seems to come out that way.

My prayers are with you and Clyde everyday.

Hi Surinder..............There is so much sadness when these decisions must be made. You have some time before you have to decide.

I had to consider many things. While I would have liked to bury Goliath out by the lake that we live on, I also know that there are many wild animals here who may have not have left him there. Also, I can't say for sure that we will live in this house for the rest of our natural life. I wanted him as close to me as possible.

We opted for cremation and I never regretted making that choice. I wear a gold heart locket with Goliath's name inscripted on it with a pawprint. Inside of his locket is a small amount of his remains sealed with love. The rest of his remains are in his urn which I keep with his picture in an open cabinet, where I can see him from my bed. On the top of his urn I have placed Goliath's collar and tag. Since Goliath slept with me all of his life, it seemed to be the right place. It is still at night when I miss Goliath the very most.

Do whatever makes you the most comfortable.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this most difficult and painful time of your life.

HUGS...............Beth

We had Duffy cremated as well and it was something that I had always figured that I would do because I just like the idea of having him close. I would like to be cremated when I go and I would like to be buried with him eventually. I recently became aware of the Neptune Society that Judy was talking about because my aunt passed away recently and was a part of it. I've thought about that.
My heart goes out to you right now. Give your baby a big hug for me-

Thanks for saying that Steph. I had forgotten to add that to my response to Surinder. We recently updated our wishes in our wills so that all will be in order when we too pass away. When we have all gone, we have asked that all of us be returned to the lake where our home is. Looking onto our lake is when I feel the most peaceful.

I know it. I hate it. I had it several times with Lenny. I kept telling myself that he was still with me at least, that he hasn't given up yet so nor should I. So I battled on and we still had some good times. You will too.

In terms of cremation, it sounds like a good idea for you - everyone is different when it comes to that decision. If it helps you can read about My Final Gift which was what we needed.

I just finished reading "My Final Gift" for Lenny and was touched by it deeply. May you also find some comfort in this true labor of love.

I just read your post about getting ashes.
I have my pets ashes, and my Boo is going to be buried with me.
Since I haven't decided what I want, my hubby knows if I'm cremated the ashes get mixed in mine, and then I don't care what happens to them...
Put me in the ocean, blast me off to the moon, as long as I have my Boo with me.
My other dogs are big, so I ordered extra large urns for them. They are wooden and have a spot for a favorite picture on the side, and they have the pets name and dates burned (etching) into the wood. I ordered extra large ones so I could put a favorite toy and their collars in with them(their cremanes).
If these fit, they will be buried with me.
If not, I just want them buried together some place.
Hopefully you don't have to make up about these things too soon, but it is best to be prepared, so you aren't rushed for a decision.
Take care

I remember this is a special day for Clyde. I hope your wishes came true.

she's still hanging in there, and she will make it to her birthday and more. She didn't eat mon,tues and wed and we feared the worst but she stuffed her face the last 3 days. She still loves her walkies too and seems happy too.

I am glad to hear you are still having some quality time together. I wish you many more of these. Each day together is a priceless gift to treasure that will stay with you forever.

Lots of hugs and kisses for Clyde. Love is strong and I think that is where our strength and the strength of our babies comes from.

It is so good to hear that Clyde is still with you Surinder.....His birthday is coming in just a few more days if I remember correctly.

Enjoy the moments you have together. It's a miracle knowing Clyde is still taking those walks with you. The memories we make today are the treasures of tomorrow. Rejoice in these special times with Clyde.

Peace and love to you this day and everyday.

It is wonderful that you have these days to treasure, Even though they may be sad ones, they are yours to keep!

I've been thinking of her and you. I'm so glad you're still together.

She was sick this morning, she has been alot of times over the last few weeks, mainly just fluid, but this time there was blood in it so now it looks like im gonna have to see how it goes these next few days and make a decision :-(

I'd rather let her go like this than her being a total shell of herself who is incapable of being a dog. She's still going walkies and has still eaten of and on, problem is dogs are stubborn and can go through so much more than people, it's our duty to help them and let them know it may be time before they get too sick that we have to say goodbye :-(

Here's me dreading the next few days but thanks for the support X

This would be a good time to talk to your vet about what is happening and about seeing blood. I remember what I was told about my German Shepherd as far as things to watch for. I do hope you call your vet asap.

and give Clyde lots of hugs and kisses.

It is an impossibly hard thing to face.I know...I am finding out right now.I had to let my George go....Because I loved him so.Only through facing our grief can we learn to go on living.
we will be united again,and so will you.We are all here for you.