Love Them,

I really feel for your loss and hope that you feel some peace with your baby being gone. I had to put Jinx down also and have never had to do that before, it was peaceful watching him let go and at the same time it was horrible. Thank you for your kind words to me in my first posting, I did write a letter to jinx and it did make me feel a little better. There is a song that I listen to that helps me to think of the good times, but is also somewhat sad, it is by Allison Kruase called Baby of Mine. Anyway I know that it is hard, Jinx has only been gone a short time and we didnt have him for ten years or anything, but he was still very near and dear to my heart. Hang in there I am sure that it can only get better and the memories you have will help you through this tough time. I can't stop crying either, but I also know from everything I have read on this forum that time does heal.

Feel Better.......

Ilovejinx:

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad my post to you helped you in any way...it is just so important to realize at times when we lose our special ones..that we are not alone...our pain is shared by so many who know exactly how we feel. That helps so much. I always have the thought that when I lose one...the world should stop and grieve with me...instead each day looks like the one before as if nothing momentous just occurred in our lives.

These babies, whether with us for a short time or a number of years, possess our hearts the moment they come into our lives. If they are young, we wish they had more years with us...if they are older, again we wish they had more years with us. Our wish for time with them is really that we wish it to be forever. It cannot be forever physically but our hearts and memories are filled with their love for us and our for them and that does last forever. That cannot be taken away from us.

It makes me feel good to walk into a room in my home and see a beautiful picture of my special ones. They many times were looking directly into the camera and into my eyes and now their pictures do the same and I feel the connection we had. I enjoyed posting their pictures in the Tributes Section so any time I visit here, I can go there and smile at their healthy times and the contentment I see in them in the pictures.

I, too have written a letter to my special ones, especially Little Guy who I had the longest and who I lost most recently which left me with an empty home that I was only able to live with for a few months. I adopted a shelter kitty and named him, Lucky, and the distraction he gives me helps a lot. His newest thing is when I pick him up first thing in the morning..I hug him and say "Good Morning, Lucky" and he proceeds to lick my face like a lollipop. He is able to give me his unconditional love which I missed so much losing my others.

He will never replace my Little Guy and his twin brother, Keeper, and of course, the little diva Sister they had, named Little Girl.
But it helps me to watch him and laugh at his antics and know he needed a home and had love to give and my home and heart needed him as well.

You are correct in that time does it own special way of healing. We will love them forever, miss them forever but we have their memories forever and they will reside in our hearts for all eternity. They are too special to EVER forget!

Hugs to you. I appreciate your kind words and stopping by my baby's thread here. He really was very special to me from the day he was born. He knew it and I knew it.

Yes, things can change so much from a year ago. Last May my Little Guy still felt okay, ate good, and was still running through the house like a "freight train". Soon it will be his birthday and he was here last year for that day. As far as I am concerned, he is still here only to see him I have to look at his pictures. As far as petting him the closest I can do there is take the bit of his fur I have kept and hold it and feel its softness..the hair still is alive and feels special to the touch. I will be wishing him a Happy Birthday soon...as long as I have birthdays...he will too. We are bonded together forever.

Little Guy:

Wherever you are right now....HAPPY BIRTHDAY... you would have been 17 today along with your brother and sister and I will wish them birthday thoughts also.

I am so glad you were with me as long as you were allowed.....in all my years you were with me the longest of anyone. You started out as a kitten who became sick with pneumona at about 6 weeks and were fine until last July when you changed. It was never proven but all signs pointed to cancer somewhere inside you. Your twin brother did have cancer in 2002. Your sister had something unknown and left in 2006 and then you, the strongest of all, leaving in September 2007.

I see your pictures everyday and will always do so. I wish you were here physically...healthy but it was not meant to be. It just seems odd sometime that you left in September and our new cat, Lucky, arrived at the SPCA in September looking for a home. I didn't go looking until December and that's when I found him...his eyes remind me of yours at times..but then when I look at your picture and into your eyes there.....only you have that look. Did you have to leave because he was found at that time and needed a home?
Sometimes I think that is why you babies do leave...so some of us look around..wanting that unconditional love again and missing it so much from you.

We love you and miss you and there are things of yours that will always be with us so that a part of you, in some way, will always be physically here.

It is your birthday today....born in our backyard in the bushes and discovered while watering the bushes. It is not a "happy" day but it is a special day......the day you came into our lives...a day we will never forget.

Love and hugs, baby boy

Joanne: Your post on the last page was really nice and I thank you for the nice words. As for you thinking of LIttle Guy, Little Girl, and Keeper on today, what would have been their 17th birthday, I know you would have loved to have known them. The chubby boys were such fun to hug.

Little Guy: I already wrote you a post today on the last page but again I say....this is YOUR DAY. This is the day the 3 of you came into our lives for many years so it can be a Happy Birthday remembering it that way. You were here last year on your birthday and you still felt good. How quickly things can change in so short a time. I am so sorry you were taken away so soon.

Love from both of us...to our baby boy....our gentle giant...and a real sweetheart.

Here's wishing Little Guy a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY today.

As you keep Little Guy, Keeper, and Little Girl alive in your heart may you feel blessed in knowing you have shared their lifetimes of remembrances with them in the most loving kind of way.

By sharing all the love you have for these 3 siblings, you have brightened and encouraged others to remember all the past happier memories they have also made with their loved ones who have passed away. Celebrating Little Guy's birthday today and sharing the joys you lived with him is a true testiment of the purest kind of love that lives within you.

I wish you sweet and peaceful dreams tonight as you remember Little Guy and just how special he was and still is.

Much love and many hugs to you and all of your kittyloves on this very special day.

Well- said, Beth. Thank you for all those beautiful words and thoughts. Yes, Little Guy is with me everyday, His pictures are everywhere so I make sure he is in my thoughts. That was almost 17 years of daily living together.....creating a very strong bond
that will always be. He is truly my baby boy. Now the tears start so I will go.

Thank you again for a beautiful message for him and me.

Judy

Joanne...anything that makes us feel good is a wonderful moment in time for us. Always glad to hear when one of us has those moments...They are something to treasure. We will cry forever for these babies..no matter how much time has passed but again I would take them into my life and home if I had it to do over..even knowing they can't stay forever..and be grateful for the time they are allowed to stay with us.

Sweet dreams.....

By helping others, we, in turn, are helping ourselves. Sometimes it is overwhelming to read about so much sorrow but we recognize it is all the same sorrow...not really multiple ones. When someone says a thought or a picture or a suggestion helps them...it also helps us.

I love having Little Guy's pictures where I do and also his sister and twin brother. I feel them with me here whenever I visit because their pictures are here. Just like the pictures at home in all the rooms make me feel they are there....sometimes I wishful think that they are there physically....just out of my sight...like around a corner from where I am. What beautiful years we all had together.

Thanks for the kind words.

Little Guy:

Today is a day of tears. I miss you everyday and I think of you when I hug Lucky now. He is only 10 lbs and you were 16 lbs and I do notice the difference. I can hold him standing up but you were one of my twin teddy bears and when I picked you up, I had to sit down but you didn't care. In fact I remember I could put you over my shoulder and you just stayed wherever I put you. It was kind of like having a cat scarf. You were truly a gentle giant.

There are so many here who are beginning their sadness fresh or are anticipating a sadness and when I read what they write, I again feel the pain of losing you which is the same pain they are going through.

You babies are so special because you never judge us..you accept us for what we are and love us just the same. I am glad you never met the humans who seem to always judge others..they really are those who are so unhappy inside..sometimes it seems their mission in life is to make others miserable...they take too literally the human saying...misery loves company. By being born in our backyard...I saw to it you were never exposed to those types of people. I think that is one reason it hurts so much to lose you babies.....we can never get enough of your unconditional love..it helps us cope with the unfairness in life and the "judges" of this world.

I wish again the 3 of you...you, your twin brother, Keeper, and your diva sister, Little Girl were
once more in our home and a part of our everyday life. I will never stop wishing that. I am so thankful for almost 17 years of having at least one of you here and 10 years of all 3 of you.

Love and hugs every single day of every single year of the rest of our lives here at home.
"mom" and "dad"

(that's 3 hugs, one for each of you).

Love Them, I was just reading your thoughts and you brouth tears to my eyes, you are such a good big hearted person that I wish I could do something much better that giving you my modest words of compation becouse I know exactly the way you feel. Here goes five big hugs one for Little Guy, one for Keeper, one for Little Girl, one for Mom and another one for Dad, God Bless, Jorge.

It sounds as though you are having a very difficult day Judy. Even those who seem to judge us at times may not intend to hurt us. You are so right when you say the unconditional love our furbabies give us is like no other. That's the inborn beauty they give us without having to have a reason behind it. Their minds are open where sometimes humans get caught up in their own way of thinking how others should be. Sometimes it helps me to look at other peoples perspectives and allows me to see a bigger picture so I can better understand.

I hope you are feeling better and have a great day today as you remember all the joys of happiness that Lucky, Keeper, and Little Girl brought into your life.

Much love to you Judy,
Beth

Our greatest gift from our babies is their lack of judgment of us. I believe it is written...Judge not least ye be judged....that is a wise saying. I have never seen a judgment not hurt someone...it seems to be based on wanting to control others...that's why our babies "unconditional" love for us is so wonderful and brings such meaning into our lives.

That's also why I feel sorry for those who do not care for animals as they must face the judgment of others alone...whereas we look to our babies for comfort when we feel hurt..and they are always there for us. And why our grieving for their loss never ends. So many know that their babies are the truest "best friend" they will ever find...I believe that's a part of their purpose on this earth.

Humans are not created as perfect and yet they seem to expect others to fall into their expected idea of the right way to do or say something or...be judged by someone's internal standard..someone who is not perfect themself. I remember hearing another saying..something about...If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all. I just hope that especially those who are truly grieving do not experience anymore hurt than already the loss of their special ones has caused due to unthinking remarks that may be made by ones who should be looking in a mirror and ask themselves how would they feel having others judge how they express their grief.

Thank you, Little Guy, Keeper, Little Girl, and all my past sweet ones who were always there when the tears started and did not leave until the last tear was gone. Your unconditional love and understanding that hurt was there...and so you were there is truly a miracle we are all given the opportunity to experience....all we have to do is open our hearts and our homes and let you in.

Little Guy:

I really need you here today...you know when I am anxious about anything..you were right there next to me..you were such a beautiful calming influence in my life. Lucky..the new kitty..is young and full of play but today I could use the steadiness of our over 16 years together where we could just look into each other's eyes and somehow that made things okay.

I don't know why you were taken away when there was a lot left for you to do in my life but I am glad I had you with me so many years..what an absolute blessing that is.

Who knew on that fateful Memorial Day in 1991 when you all were born in our backyard to a wild momma cat, I would be adopted by 3 kitties who became a part of my life forever and who made a very special impact all their own...I loved every minute of it when all 3 of you were healthy and happy. It was nice being the center of your universe too!

Hugs and love to all 3 babies..especially my twin boys...what a wonderful experience you gave me.

Hugs from BK. Amos, Birga, and me. I'm so sorry your Little Guy isn't there to comfort you i know how you feel. My Mackie-dog was my big, strong, steady one. When I was anxious he used to come put his head in my lap and lean on me as hard as he could, until we'd both fall over and I'd start to laugh.
Lord, how I miss him.


love to Lucky,
Dayna

Ps. I just realized I've mentioned,but not formally introduced, Birga ( she is every bit as pampered as she appears to be ).

Hi, Dayna:

Thanks for stopping by and adding your comments. I do understand your description of you and Mackie-dog. They really do love to do that, don't they? And you find yourself looking into what are usually big, soft, brown eyes...and everything seems right with the world for a little while.

I love your picture of Birga..she can't be spoiled..that's only ONE pillow!

Seriously though I had a small surgery removing skin cancer from my nose today and felt traumatic and quite anxious about it....those are the times the ones who have been with us so many years..through thick and thin....well, wishing they were here just comes so naturally.

Hugs back to you and Amos and Birga, and especially BK....from me and Lucky too!

Judy

I'm so sorry about your sweet boy. He is such a cutie. Black cats are so cool aren't they? I always wondered why people associate them with bad luck and evil and all that nonsense. Monkey was the sweetest most gentle thing I had ever seen in my life, as I'm sure was your Little Guy. From the pictures I seen of him in the tributes section it looks like he lived a very comfortable and pampered life. Bless you for that. Its just such a major design flaw in this world that these terrible diseases and maladies have to afflict our babies.

Your vet sounds like my last couple of vets....clueless. I think there needs to be stricter education and training, I mean, after all, these people call themselves "doctors", dont they? I have some other names I like to call them personally.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss and what you had to go through.

I know, these are the people we trust with our babies' lives. My Ginger was sick for a while, I took her to three different vets and didn't get a diagnosis until over a year later, from the 3rd vet... God bless him, he was great to us, but probably a little too late... My baby could've probably had a few more quality years with me. I will definitely trust my gut from now on. We know our babies so well, that if we think something is wrong, we should seek a second or third opinion, if that's what it takes.

Btw, I have a black kitty named Shanti. They're just beautiful little panthers.

Click to view attachment

Monkey's Daddy:
I can totally agree with all you said. And I guess the tale of black cats just comes from them being associated with Halloween and witches who are tied to bad luck...so I guess the kitties suffer from that association. When I was about 9 years old I had a neighbor who had a beautiful black cat which I adored and I always have since then but I never had one until my 3 were born in my backyard in 1991 to a feral mom, who was silver-gray and I saw the dad sleeping in my yard once, he was coal black and the biggest cat I have ever seen in my life.

My husband told me once that a friend of his who had been a mailman for many years always said the friendiest furbaby he ever found was a black cat. I'm surprised there isn't a special website...I see so many beautiful babies here and many of us, when we get another...just HAPPEN to again get a black beauty.

You said: Again, I'm sorry for your loss and what you had to go through.

Thank you for that and that loss that we all go through is exactly why we become a family here and being here keeps reminding us we are never alone in our feelings, our thoughts, sad or happy memories...we all share a grief and a knowing of a special one that binds us together. Even though the loss is devastating, we all know the joy of having been blessed with them for whatever time we were given.

Little Guy lived to be 16 1/2 and left Sept 07. His sister, Little Girl left in June 06. The first loss was Little Guy's twin brother, Keeper, who we lost in 2002. So I do remember 3 not so long ago frantic attempts to save them but we lost each battle..one by one.
I couldn't take an empty home so I got my new boy, Lucky, from the SPCA. He looks similar to my boys...the longer haired type of black kitty. And sometimes when I hold him, my husband says from a distance it reminds him of me holding Little Guy. That makes me smile. I'm glad you saw my pictures to my 3 in Tributes. They are the good memories I try to remember when I feel the sadness coming on. I am so very glad I was allowed the time I was...of course, I wanted more but I was not allowed to have them longer and I can't do anything about that.

I do know that over the lifetime as each special one left, I did open my heart and home to another I would never have known so while by choice I never would part with any, I also am glad my live included the new ones that came over the years, including Little Guy and his siblings.

MissKittymc:
I agree with you about getting more opinions and hope that we are being guided to the right vet at the right time.
I love your picture of Shanti. She reminds me of my Little Girl...who also has a thread in Tributes and, in a way, Shanti's eyes remind me of all 3 siblings and also my new one , Lucky..whose pictures are in New Beginnings. I guess I find myself taking more pictures now because I realize we never do know how much time we are given. I didn't take too many kitten pictures of my 3 just because I figured there was lots of time but kittens grow up fast. It would have helped to have known or had disposable cameras in 1991 like I do now.

I appreciate everyone stopping by. It is nice to hear your thoughts and feelings. It's kind of like coming here and finding HUGS where I expect to feel the sadness of Little Guy's loss. I still can think..he was here last year at this time and in this month, he was feeling good...that reminds me how recent it really is. But hugs from me to everyone for your good thoughts.

There is just a lot of extra sadness going on right now so the best we can do is try and help each other through the pain.
Sometimes trying to ease another's pain helps us ease our own. Your posts have helped others too especially since you have gone through so much with CRF and can let someone new to such a problem know...what might help.

I see many new people in pain here reaching out to help others and what a wonderful thing to see....that just has to be our "angels" guiding us to help others knowing that in doing that, many times we are actually helping ourselves.

And it helps to remember things like this when we encounter some people in life wherever we are...that are just not the same as the rest of us. Sometimes others forget the idea is to help RELIEVE pain. But thank goodness people without feelings are so in the minority.

It is nice to read so many caring posts lately. It is just so very sad when so many will have sad news at the same time. The pain we feel for them becomes overwhelming again. We just have to work harder to overcome that pain again.

Take care and I am glad your babies are doing better.

Yes, Joanne, that is so true.

Lucky is doing okay. I did finish another camera of 27 pictures and when they are developed...I will be updating him in his New Beginnings pictures topic. He is still learning how to be a cat instead of the boss.

When I looked at him today in certain poses...I really felt as though I was looking at Little Guy...sometimes physically the resemblance is uncanny and other times the resemblance is only slight.

I guess I like to feel that Little Guy and Lucky both reach out to me...through Lucky.

Well, Little Guy, it is now June and this is really the last month I remember you were acting healthy last year. I know I became concerned in July, and in August, and you were taken in September..very quickly at the end.

I love coming here and visiting you and going to Tributes and seeing your pictures, fat and sassy and healthy and happy and just a big teddy bear love...just like your twin Keeper was before he left..again suddenly...in January 2002.. and your sister had her problems in June of 2006. Yes, this is the month she left and you were the only furbaby left in our home...the only one sick when a kitten...stayed with us the longest...nothing ever makes sense, does it? Except love...that is always a sure thing from you sweethearts...

You know..I could understand why so many precious ones are taken if they came back inside another furbaby being born..and who knows what really happens..maybe all of you do appear back here...to take care of someone else...kind of like a new job you have to do.

And, Little Girl, I am so very sorry the vet did not try to find out what was wrong with you and even made fun of our suggestions that we had read about on other vet websites. If a cure or treatment could have been found, you would still be here and I am sorry the medical profession truly failed you and us bigtime.

And, Keeper, I can't not say hello to you and tell you...your leaving was the most devastating, being the first of 3 and completely unexpected but no matter what we could never let you or Little Guy or your sister suffer when the quality of life was disappearing so fast and because many years ago a wonderful vet did tell me to look at that part of your lives before any final decision and I have tried to be true to that for not only you but all the others before you.

As hard as it always is, you are more important than me and your quality of life is more precious than keeping you with me for my sake...cause it is a decision you could never make for yourself and even if you could, I think you babies would stay even in pain..just to stay because you love so much.

And so, my angels, I know you are at peace and not hurting but I will never stop hurting over your loss. But I had to give you peace when you were suffering. I think I read somewhere that Death is only a tragedy for those left behind. I can relate to that one.

Love and Hugs forever to you and to all those very very special ones who came before. Heaven must be very crowded with so many angels...maybe someday some of you can be left here longer..healthy that is.....that would really be appreciated.

Little Guy:

July is when I had started noticing you were not eating as you should. It was a scary month and then came August and then September..the month that took you away. As these months come by now, it is like reliving that awful time of worry about you. After all, we lost your sister in June of the year before and you were the only one left. You were now taking the place of 3 babies for us and so worrying about you reminded us of our worries before about your sister and your twin brother.

Last summer was a struggle for all of us. This summer..it seems like all it does is remind us of last summer.

You know we love all of you forever. You know we will never forget your last day, asking us to help you breathe...my poor baby... The only way we could have kept you a little longer was to subject you to a lot of pain by having your chest drained everytime it filled up with fluid and that came so fast....we could not do that to you...no, never would we want you to go through pain like that....ever.

I look at your pictures each day and look into those beautiful eyes ....that never stopped looking into mine every chance you got.

Heaven must be getting very crowded with so many sweet special babies being there. If it gets too crowded...maybe someday more of you will be allowed to stay longer with us.

You are in our hearts forever and we are thankful for the many years together we had and, of course, we all wish for many more...but your time was spoken for and so we had to say goodbye..no more kisses and hugs..but we know you are still watching us..never taking your eyes off of us....because....that was how you always were and so still are.

Hugs, baby boy, to you and Keeper and Little Girl.....you really made us feel like a true family.




JOANNE: You said: Gettin through this first year, isn't easy.

You said SO VERY MUCH in so few words.
Take care...I know it is your first year also...
Judy

Love Them, I think it is time for someone to say something about you. You, that always have such sweet and conforting words for everybody here, BUT..... what about you? You also need someone to connfort you 'cause we all know about your losses and even though, you are always making people here feel better with your kindness and that I know, I can sense thru your words the pain you almost don't talk about anymore but believe me I know, I know deep inside you are hurting like all of us, and that's why I like to Thank you one more time in the name of every lost Furbabies, their Dads, Moms and all the healthy ones still with us today. GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL YOUR LOVEONES, "they have no idea who they have near", such nice Lady am glad I met here, always Buster and Jorge Click to view attachment

JOANNE:

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Remembering last summer will be a difficult time this summer. The painful memories of the past will always be painful to remember. That's why we try to spend most of the time thinking of the good memories..that doesn't hurt to remember but it will always hurt that they did end at the point they did. I believe Rassy cat left you in October...my Little Guy was September...and so last year we were frantically trying to help them get well but we can't fight the bigger power in life than we are and so we lost the final battle. The second year will be easier just from the standpoint we will not be able to think....LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME......they were alive and with us but they were not well. We will just get through this time..at least this year the life or death decisions are not present..because they are already gone. Take care, Joanne, the pain will come back now because we cannot help but remember this time..last year. And as the months they were not well, repeat themselves..we cannot help but remember the past and in a way, relive it again...don't we? We will relive some hard moments but we must remind ourselves that their suffering is over..they are not suffering this year......we are.
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JORGE:

Thank you for your beautiful words. You are so right about the pain. When I visit this thread...which is my Little Guy's...all the memories of what happened rush back into my mind and it is overwhelming again. It is as if it was yesterday. This is the place I come to cry and let go of my emotions because this is where my baby's story is.

I do cry when I read the stories of others...like you and Buster....because I can feel your feelings inside me..the sadness, the pain, the love, and the loneliness....all of these feelings we all feel alike and we all feel them just as deeply as each other does. When I do write to others and they say my words help them...that makes me feel good inside and helps push down my sadness. I cannot come to my own thread here and post and not feel sadness and pain because being here reminds what I had and what I lost and I cannot write words to myself that make me feel better...it just doesn't work that way.

And again, you saw that when people stop by to visit you and Buster...it does make you feel better. And so, you are right again that when you stop by someone's else's thread...like you just did here in mine....just stopping by is a comfort, Jorge. I think of you and Buster a lot because I understand your closeness. For 10 years my special girl was Gypsy, a beautiful silver and black German Shepherd...the gentlest dog ever...I even took her to work with me and she laid under my desk for 8 hours while I played secretary.
It was only her and me for all those years...just like you and Buster. They will always be with us forever, Jorge....now in spirit ...but they are there....all these sweet ones. I am glad, too, you came to this forum...there are many caring people here as you have seen and we all know by helping one another through their pain.....it is a way of helping ourselves through our own pain. I have noticed you posting comforting words to many yourself so you understand what I mean about a way to help ourselves.

Thank you again, for stopping by and your very beautiful thoughts.. Hugs to you and Buster

Well, Little Guy:

Somehow I remember it started for you in July 2007 so I checked my calendar today. And I see a note that on
July 10th, 2007, you started throwing up a lot all of a sudden. Then you were okay for the rest of the month.
It wasn't until August 1st that I started your diary of every day symptoms.

It seems ironic that your first distress I saw was July 10th and I had to let you go on September 10th.

I read cancer can take one in 8 weeks without treatment and since the vet wasn't positive what was wrong, you were
being observed and not treated for cancer. They also felt at age 16, exploratory surgery to see what was wrong inside
was too much for you and I agreed. I don't think there was a cure by that time. From what I read, when you babies really show a symptom...it is beyond the cure stage..as far as cancer is concerned.

8 weeks of H-E-double L

But I remember once in August you galloped through the house as through nothing was wrong and I felt hopeful.

You are not the first we lost to cancer...in fact your twin brother battled it in 2002 for a whole week and lost. And there were
others..many years ago. That becomes a reminder of how many years there has been no help for you babies as far as cancer.

And so, the awful Summer is upon us...the one that reminds us of last Summer and we do not want to remember last Summer
anymore. Soon it will pass and then each succeeding Summer will be thought of as just another Summer and not
the first Summer without you but with the memory of those months in the year 2007.

Be at peace my boy.you and your brother and sister will never be forgotten. You are still a part of our home and our lives.
We have your pictures everywhere plus your favorite toys and some of your fur..which feels as alive as it did when you were
truly alive.

Hugs and love


In life there are anniversaries not meant to be celebrated. We are approaching such times.

Hi Love Them, Got your E-mail hope you got my response. Still not sure if I'm doing this right. Ann

Joanne:

You are a good friend and have helped me a lot. Thank you for that. I appreciate hearing your thoughts...they are always so very true.
Hugs and peace...we need peace right now at this time.



Ann: Yes, I got your message today and thank you for everything you said. I did answer your questions and hope I helped you. Hugs back to you...sometimes even a cyber-HUG can help the pain...at least we can try to do that with hugs.


Judy

So true. It seems like every Friday is an anniversary. I do okay until Friday's then I'm sobbing.

I hope you're doing okay.

Hugz backatcha.

Candy's Dad
Hal

HI, Hal

As far as doing okay.....because it is the Summer...the first Summer without him..and it was the Summer he became ill....I am doing not as well as normally now but not as bad as last year.

I normally try to forget exact dates because there is something about knowing exactly..that seems more painful. Unfortunately with my Little Guy..I will not forget his date of Sept 10th because the date was the day before "9/11", a date that has become infamous in our country's history. And so, every year when the country brings up the date of 9/11 as special to remember...it will always remind me of 9/10 and so it will be impossible for me to forget the exact date and what happened on that day. I wish I could erase that from my memory.

It is that this year..being the first year (and it is for you and Chuck also)...there are more reminders of this year vs last year and so when 9/11 comes I will remember that one year ago my home was empty and he was gone..and now I have started tears again....

I hope you change your memories of Fridays into a date because there are too many Fridays to be sad but the date for you might be more helpful in getting through Fridays.

Hugs, Hal, and thanks for stopping by and your kind words.

LoveThem,

Just wanted to say that you always know just what to say to make everyone feel better.

Also I wanted to say I'm very sorry for the loss you had.

Many HUgs to You!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Sissycat

I also want you to know I love your notes to Sissy..as I said...you can't post enough...

I know it feels nice to "speak" to my Little Guy here and I get the same feeling when you
"speak" to your Sissy.

We have no time limit on grief here and that helps so very much. Because we cannot turn it on and off like a faucet. We are free here to say or do as we feel comforts us and we also find that sometimes comforting others is something that also comforts us.

Today I am thinking of something someone posted about their loss:
-------------------------------------
One can ask with the depth of pain we go through WHY do we allow ourselves to become so attached to pets? All one has to do is think of the tremendous amount of unconditional love we get from them and then we can ask WHY WOULDN'T WE?
-------------------------------------

I can think of many reasons to love them. I can't think of a good enough reason to not have them in my life. The pain when they are taken from us is not a good enough reason for me to give up the time I have with them....where there is no pain.

Hugs to all who stop by here...we share the same pain..and so we can share a hug that says the same thing.


Thank you Sissycat..your stopping by is comforting to me.

Well, Little Guy, July is almost over...you had started having a problem last July....August...you went back and forth...
September....I would lose you. Then the first year will be over. It is very hard to think last year at this time you were
still here.

Last August you had a painful dental procedure and days later were galloping around the house. And..2 weeks later in
September...you could not breathe.

How quickly it all comes about. I am thankful for the 16 1/2 years we had you with us but as always, we wish for more years
of quality time together. You were a miracle to me because you were my longest ...even your twin brother, Keeper, only made
it to age 10, when he had cancer in his chest all of a sudden and was having trouble breathing. Ironic that you twins were
"taken" in almost the same way. But Keeper had a large mass in his chest and you had fluid filling up yours with the end
result being the same...you both were having a problem breathing...and there was no cure. Your sister, who had the
physical markings of your daddy did not have cancer, but she had something you twins did not have.

When it is your time to leave, it seems like whoever decides it is that time...seems to have a lot of different horrible
diseases to choose from...to take you away.

I would have hoped over the years, that the diseases that take you now would have had a cure or been manageable but
I know there is too much money to be made by the drug companies for "treatment" rather than cure, and medical testing and a cure would lose them all that money so you babies and we humans have to hope none of us has to suffer when it is our time. Because there is no constant profit in cures so corporations are not interested and we have to manage the best we can.

I am glad none of you are suffering as each of you were losing your quality of life...the boys lost fast...very fast.
The Little Girl was losing slowly but was terrified daily. Who allows these cruel endings to you babies who only
know how to give unconditional love? It all makes one wonder about many things.

Hugs to Little Guy, Keeper, and Little Girl......3 beautiful souls who can only be Angels because their souls are so pure.

Thanks, Joanne

I know this time..July..especially August..and finally..the worst will be September because 9/10/2007 is when Little Guy came dragging his body into our living room needing help...and the only help I could give him ..the only choice..was to put him down and come home to the empty house from the emergency. That's what makes the first year the hardest because just last year it all happened and it is still fresh in our minds. And so, these are the months this year I look forward to passing by and being over with.

This is the time when it is the hardest to keep the intense pain of last year from surfacing again. It is always not far away..waiting to come back. It takes more time to be stronger about keeping it away. I guess because last year was partially a wonderful healthy happy time before it turned into the awful worry and finally...the devastating pain of a loss...of not being able to save him and make him feel better again. I am wiping the tears from my eyes as I type this so I can see the screen.

This year...this Summer is truly the hardest time since last Summer....

Well, Little Guy...it is now August ...and last year ..I didn't know...you only had about 4 weeks left..after over 16 1/2 years of being together. This was the time I was being teased with hope..hope that we wouldn't have to let you go in the next few months. You had the easy tests and no diagnosis. Left were the difficult ones for you to go through..you might not even survive them...we wouldn't know but cause of your age....we weren't encouraged by the doctors to put you through them. The "guess" was cancer but it was not proven yet.

But then the doctor found your mouth was very painful from dental lesions and we were hopeful with that surgery...you would start eating again...it sounded logical. After that surgery at the end of August, you even galloped around the house and jumped from the floor to the top of the couch..and..we had hope the problem of not wanting to eat was solved.

But then...we got hit over the head with your ...not being able to breathe..emergency in September. I guess whoever wanted to take you from us was impatient with waiting..so impatient that bad things came out of the blue. I'm so sorry you ever had to go through anything. I know that last day all I could think of was getting you to the hospital so the doctors could HELP you and then I could bring you home soon afterwards.

And so, today you were still here and I kept hugging you everyday and telling you what a good boy you are and so beautiful. I didn't know what else to say to you, knowing you weren't feeling well. Now I have myself in tears so I have to go.

Hugs to you and your brother and sister
We love you and we will never stop telling you that.

I don't think you ever will think of Rassy without crying..maybe not outside...but always inside. I will be that way with my
Little Guy.

This is such a hard time of the year for us...and so we think nothing worse can happen right now.

We were wrong about that one. Hopefully, we can protect our friends here.

Now everyone has to be very careful.

Joanne:

I just realized our last posts were August 10th.....and September 10th is when I lost Little Guy. I know your Rassy Cat 's date will also soon be here. We will be back soon.

Actually, we are not the ones who need to be on guard here. We know the land mines. And we will help any here who accidentally "steps" on one.

Our one year anniversary is almost here. A whole year without holding that sweet little bundle of fur. I know when Little Guy laid on the bed (like in my avatar), and I knew something was going wrong and felt helpless to stop it, I would make special trips to where he was and hug him and tell him how beautiful he was and what a good boy and I knew those words could not cure him but I felt he would not always be there to say those things to him. That was a "being right" I did not want.



Soon........Little Guy..........right now you were trying...and you were feeling better after your dental surgery and did make it to past my birthday.....jumping from the floor to the top of the couch like you used to and starting to eat better without those painful dental lesions. What a slap in the face we would get within a few weeks.....

Hugs, baby boy

Thanks, Joanne.

The friendships are the "good" that came from Little Guy and Rassy Cat. As wonderful as they are...we all know that we would rather have our special ones with us instead of the sadness and pain their leaving has given us.

You are so right about remembering each day now...even that is easy for me as I was so worried I kept daily calendar notes on Little Guy...how much he eat that day...if he vomited...if he had a BM...made sure he did pee...and after the dental surgery, he WAS starting a little to eat better and act better when he got over the pain of extractions.

It was like life looked down and thought....there is hope there..things are looking better...let's slap them all in the face for we want death and depression...and that power, whatever it is, did it.

Yes...each day, especially for me when it is Sept and for you when it is Oct.

Right now....they were both here...not 100% healthy but with a quality still there...it's strange how quickly that changes and slips away.

These babies by leaving do bring people together that truly understand the bond that death tried to break and while it could take them away from us....that bond can never be broken....never.

Right now...I wish us both peace at this time of year and especially..this year.

Judy

Well, Little Guy

On this date last year, you only had 2 1/2 more days to be alive and we didn't know that at the time. All I can do is cry..remembering..what happened last September. As the day approaches it is harder to push the sadness away.

Love you, baby boy

Little Guy: 1 1/2 days left now for you to live.



Thanks for the thoughts, Joanne. I know Rassy cat is coming up in October for your first year also.
The closer it gets to the day...the more I dread it and at times can feel somewhat dead inside.

Dearest Judy, please don't feel guilty because of course it's no fault of yours in the least but I've been sitting here weeping for about the last hour or two because I can feel your pain so acutely. It's as though at many times that anguish from your loss is most cetainly unbearable. Sure, I made a cartoon of Lucky earlier and that possibly put a smile on your face but I had to do more. Much more!
So, I thought and thought and prayed and prayed. Then the song came to me but I had to find the perfect YouTube video to accompany the lyrics of this most beautiful and comforting song of Hope and Peace. It only took me two tries to find it as though it was destiny.

Please, don't think I'm some sort of a "Jesus Freak" cuz I sure ain't. I'm open to all cultures, religions and belief systems that make a person good, honest, decent, loving, compassionate, giving and so on. Like yourself, I'm one who "walks the walk" and doesn't just "talk the talk." The reason I'm explaining this is because of the first video. I was gobsmacked when I saw Him holding and loving your precious fur baby from 2 minutes and 6 seconds to 2 minutes and 10 seconds into this video. It sure appeared like a sign to me! Also, please note how He is always right there beside you in troubled waters to lovingly guide you and point you to safety and Hope for a brighter tomorrow, too.

Since I never, ever "force my beliefs down anyone's throats" I chose two videos. Both are awesome and I pray that they bring comfort, love and peace to you in this great time of your terribly gosh awful sorrow, grief, pain and loneliness. I love you, Hon!











I'm "On Your Side" and "Sailing right behind" You "Silver Girl" Judy!!!
Sending Many Angels and Comforting Hugs to You and Your Precious Beloved Fur Baby!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Judy, I hope and pray you will get thru your 1yr anvsry without too much grief. You deserve that sooo much. You have helped so many here with your compasion and understanding. I know your heart is still breaking, but don't let it totally shatter for we still need your warm heart to help us heal. Sometimes I think about my past furbabies who have now been gone longer than they have lived. I never will or want to forget them. And not 1 year has passed that I didn't stop and think about them. B-days too. I will be thinking of you and sending you a Big Hug... Ann

I thank everyone for stopping by and their kind thoughts and wishes. Even my new boy, Lucky, will not take away tomorrow's pain as I remember that day....last year...when my baby boy,
Little Guy dragged himself to us for help...he couldn't breathe. This is when I wish my memory wasn't so good...I remember everything. By 4 PM we were back home and he was no more.

I can't always remember what I ate or did a few days ago but this I can remember, including the telemarketeer phone call while we were in the middle of rushing to the ER.

It is better for me not to write any more descriptions now.

Little Guy.....one more day and you will need help badly. I thought you were having a little trouble breathing on Saturday and called the vet who had closed. Then I thought I was over-reacting and imagining it...some little signs I don't remember. But we had an appt Tuesday for you to be checked out and I would mention it to the doctor.

Little did I know that on Monday...the fluid must have exploded into your chest and you just could not expand your lungs to breathe. You are the first one to leave me that I saw you physically having awful trouble. What my others had they could hide enough of it so I saw no suffering but knew something was wrong and the vet would confirm it. With you...everything was totally unexpected..how you dragged yourself from the back of our home (60 feet) to where we were, I'll never know. You could not even meow or make any sound at all. You just collapsed and I believe went unconscious..then you got up and dragged yourself a few more feet and collapsed again. Your eyes were so blank I thought you had died but I scooped you up and we called the vet and told them we were on our way...they were ready and waiting for your emergency...I am thinkful for that. They didn't hesitate to get you and take you in the back and put you in an oxygen tent to help you get oxygen. The vet said your gums were blue for lack of oxygen. She took x-rays and showed us the fluid in your chest. I am so sorry we couldn't have prevented it from happening.

One more day...tonight you would still sleep where you could watch me and come to me when I got up in the morning and lay by me. It would be the last time you could do that...........

Tears and love to you, baby boy.

My Dear Cherished Friend, Judy. I read your message and Wing Many Angels to You in Prayer to Soothe and Comfort you in this time of your utmost pain and grief. God Bless!!!

Little Guy......Today we lost you forever. In 5 hours you will come to us for help. In 6 hours...we are home....without you. Why was it your time?

I am attaching the note I got afterwards from the vet hospital...lots of love there for you. Two vets also wrote...the lady treating you...and the lady who gave you peace. I was never able to read these to you but it is all about you from those who were with you and with us that day....September 10, 2007.

With tears streaming down my face, dropping into my lap...I can say no more today. This day belongs to you forever...and not in a happy way....I am so sorry that disease attacked you so swiftly as it did this day. All you ever wanted to do was love us...and you did that so very well.

Love you, baby boy. You are not suffering anymore...but we are and will always..as long as the memory of this date remains with us. So precious. You fought pneumonia as a kitten and won..wanting to live. You tried to fight the new disease..probably a cancer..at 16 1/2 years old but this time the evil won.

But you will never be forgotten............not ever......and neither will your twin brother, Keeper and your little diva sister...Little Girl. We love you all and we miss you all. Hugs to your souls.


Your "Mom" and "Dad" forever

Click to view attachment

Dearest Judy, I've been thinking all day about how you're always there for everyone to comfort them in their time of devastation, sorrow, grief, loss and loneliness. How you put a smile on their faces. All this when you yourself are in such gosh awful terrible pain from your own loss. You are so selfless, dear, kind, loving, compassionate, empathetic ... And so much more ... And so much more ...

Suddenly a song came to me that has your name written all over it! So, I went to YouTube to find the best version with the most beautiful images that are You! Thank you, Judy! Thank you for being who and what You are to everyone!!! And now the song ...




God Bless You Most Abundantly, Dear One!!!

Your Friend Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Judy- I haven't been able to get myself to get anything done these past few days. You and Little Guy have been on my mind and I know how it becomes as you count down to the time when your life changed forever. I am sending you the warmest of all wishes as you grieve this year. Please know that I am thinking of you both and hopefully Lucky can get you to smile through those tears.
Warm wishes,
Stephanie

Thanks, Joanne. It took Little Guy's leaving for me to search for something and found this forum.
No, it doesn't ever get any easier to deal with....as long as we can remember it in detail. It is hard to believe it has been a year but it will help now not to keep thinking...last year he was here on this date, etc etc. That makes it twice as hard to deal with.

Yes, next month you will be dealing with the "first year" thoughts. Then those will be gone.
That helps me but it is sad also...sometimes it was good to think last year they were here..but only in the good months of the year.

Thanks for stopping by at this special time.
Judy