Thank you so much for posting to me, its very comforting to hear kind words from people you don't know personally. Just keep this in your mind, you gave your baby the best life. My friends tell me I took better care of my cat then most spouses or children, I never had a spouse or children, lol. It really touched me when you recognized in my own grief I could reach out to you, because I have been where you are going. If you ever want to talk let me know, I will give you may email addy.

I haven't been by this board for several days, & have just now read your thread.

I am sooo so sorry to hear about Babe. I'm going to start crying again now.

I lost my own little love to cancer, and it was a long and emotional slide downhill for us both, up until the last 2 months when he got worse rapidly.

I too begged him (or God or SOMEbody) to let me know if he was in too much pain, or suffering too much... But in hindsight, maybe I held onto him too long, looking for that sign.

I had seen him every heartbreaking day, and though intellectually I knew he was getting worse, I think that I had a bunch of emotional denial going on too... Now I ask myself "How could he not have been suffering?"

But if Babe is still begging for treats and being even somewhat active, maybe it's not too, too bad.

I'm very glad that you can spend a lot of time with him. My own Chelsy was always soothed by me being present, in the same room at least, whenever he was ill. Toward the end, I spent the last week down on the floor with him a lot.
I would sing silly songs for him & talk to him, or just read a book while stroking him with a toe, and I know that it brought him a little comfort.

He never did "give me a sign" though... I just looked at him one day, with fresh eyes and saw how much he was suffering and how hard it was for him to die like that. I just looked at him then and said "I can end this for you now, sweetheart." It was my responsibility to make that decision.

And so I did.

Thanks Bue and whytebyrd for your sweet comments. She's slowly getting worse, but how do I know when it's time. This is just killing me. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through her dying and death. I know I need to be strong for her. I’ll have to have courage for her when the time comes. I’m afraid that if she dies on her own, then she would have suffered. On the other hand, I don’t want to have to put her down before it is time. This is the worst and hardest thing in the world for me. I have NEVER loved an animal so much in my life. She has been with me for ½ of my life – through major events. She has been my best friend in the world. How am I going to do this and get through this. I don’t want her to suffer and be in pain. It would just break my heart.

Dear Boogi3,

I was asking myself that very same question the past 4 months. See on Saturday I had to put my baby to sleep, and it was a constant battle in deciding if I should eventually put her down or let God do it for me. I talked to my brother about this and we both decided when she completely stopped eating, drinking and using her litter then that's when I would have to take action. Late Thursday night all of a sudden she was constipated, and I could she was in pain. I bought a disposable litter that I put in my room and she kept going in and out that eventually she laid in it and tried to go to the bathroom laying down. The next day she was restless, moving from one area to the next, which took her forever to get to by the way and did not eat or drink that entire day. Saturday morning came and I got up and tried to feed her and she refused to eat and just laid there. In a panic state I started to cry uncontrollably because right there and then I know it was time, and her facial and body expression were telling me she couldn't fight no longer. I decided to spend the extra money to have a vet come to my house, so she could die in her home. I knew she wanted this, I was with her on my bed holding her when she passed. I decided to do a private cremation for her. It wasn't easy, l let her go not because I didn't love her but I did it because I loved her to much to see her suffer like that. I hope my email helps you out a bit, let me know if you need to talk some more.

Diane - Pookee's Mommy