Alleys Mama

I'm very sure you are gonna make a GREAT mama! I'm just sorry that you and a little one who needs a home have to wait so long to get together!

Love

I am so sorry about the newsletter....things that remind us that it is REAL and not a dream real hit home and trigger so much emotion. I've had the same problem where I have had several good days in a row, then wham!!!!!! Something like your newsletter ocurs and I feel back to square one.

Your last paragraph really brought tears to my eyes. I know what you mean about Nissa being the only one to look at you with such love. That has been my experience too.

Sounds like you had a great 20 years together....she was so fortunate to have you...

Misty's Mama

Lori,

Yup! Sabin was a total nut-bar, that's for sure! Bold, sassy, fearless...an intrepid, spiritual warrior, my guy! I still love and miss him so....and I knew I'd return to that sorrow when Nissa left, too. I'd put that ever-present 'missing' off, sort of, when being forced to return to the living world because I couldn't just forget about my GIRL, either! I remember my heart was SO raw and sore that it wouldn't stop 'numbing out' and holding the feelings of intense love for Nissa at bay for far too long. I kept trying to push through that, but it just recoiled in terror for so long that I began to wonder if I'd EVER be able to get it to work properly again. But I did, eventually. Every time I thought about losing Nissa, too, the love would start to surface, then grow some more, beyond where it had ever been before. I still feel badly though, that my dear, sweet girl had to suffer love's diminishment for even a second that she was here. She didn't deserve that, but I was powerless to reverse it right away. I apologized for YEARS to her about that.....sigh....I know she understood and loved me back anyway, but still, I wish it could have been different. Whoa....don't know where all that came from, but there it is! Another peel of the onion.

You know, I'd heard the...please excuse me, but now I consider it to be somewhat 'propoganda' about indoor VS outdoor cats' life spans, too.....but never really could agree with it. I think 'they' should modify these statements to mean ONLY those outdoor cats who are left to their own devices outside, which I DON'T think is safe, or responsible in a community. Those stats just strike me as fear-mongering in some ways. I mean, OUR kids were outdoors in the warmer months, and Nissa certainly lived to a good age (and for Sabin, that was cancer that killed his body, not the outdoors and he still made it to 13, not 4), but the biggest difference was that we were almost always with them and making sure they stayed either in our yard, or close by. And of course, we NEVER, EVER allowed them to stay outside overnight. We'd take them out til all hours in the summer, but made sure they stayed at home....and if they didn't (seldom, in all those years), they caught royal heck once we'd caught up to them!! If they wanted to go further afield in the daytime, we'd poke along with them. At times, they'd each take off for the dogless backyards, but we'd be out searching and calling until we found them (people even thought we were nuts to do THIS kind of responsible thing!...go figure)....or they returned home behind us, the sneaks! I know we got lucky concerning risks once in awhile (encounters with dogs or other cats), but since the leashes didn't work out for them, I just couldn't take away their freedom. Nissa might have been more okay with being totally restricted to the yard, but not our Bud! While I'd personally much prefer to either use a HUGE, enriched enclosure outside OR try that cat-fencing that goes on the top of the fence (to keep them in, and 'marauders' out)....I could never entirely take away their right to be outdoors...even with the inherent dangers. I'd personally DIE if I had to live my entire life inside, no matter HOW nice my home was! I'm still just not sure that a cat would live as fulfilling a life if restricted too much...except for those cats who actually prefer the indoor life, and I know there are a few. But you know how many people say that despite the risks they take in whatever endeavors they take on, they'd rather live BIG and for less time, than to live any other way? I believe most cats would feel the same way. They are, after all, not really as domesticated as dogs now are....some say they aren't at ALL. Your way was equally good, too, using the leash, but many cats just refuse to comply with those alien things, so then what do you do if they still want to be outside? I didn't like the worries, but I'm still glad I was dedicated to their relative freedom, and I know THEY sure were, too! They actually preferred us being with them outside, as even they felt safer. I know most people simply couldn't provide what I was able to for all sorts of valid reasons, but if I was restricted by such things, I'd still find some way to allow them to be outdoors, even if in a much smaller and semi-enclosed area. This isn't as possible if you're in an apartment, of course, except for the leash, or if you could safely and assuredly 'fortify' your balcony.

So honestly, I think THIS is what 'they' should promote more of....some outdoor life, but with responsible supervision, and more outdoor enclosures or appropriate fencing solutions, or leashes if the furkids will allow it, especially if they are the type who will walk with you. Cuz I'd bet that many people just aren't aware enough of the possibilites. Sorry...I just HAD to get that said...for the cats' sakes!

Paula,

Wiley sounds like a hoot!....albeit a rather 'fearsome' hoot as a kitten! I can sure see where he got his nickname!

I remember the first time Sabin tried to take a small chunk out of my hand while we were playing. I discovered a good 'trick' that worked with him, anyway. I simply started whining and fake crying, telling him that he HURT Mom! Brilliant boy that he was, he looked genuinely regretful, and from then on, his play-bites (for US, anyway....Nissa wasn't as lucky, I suspect!) were 'fake', too. Same went for playing with his clawsies out; same tactic, same results. Nissa, however, never could seem to learn to keep hers in, she got so excited about the play. And same for her when she'd knead my legs, tummy or even my face! OUCHIE! And of course she'd seldom be in the mood to knead me when her claws had just been trimmed! Silly girl...

I was lucky in that, seeing as I got them as kittens, all it took to get them to play interactively with me was 2 simple things:
1.) I never allowed myself to think of them as limited in any real respect, ie., forget what people said about what cats could and couldn't, or would and wouldn't, do, or BE, and,
2.) I played with them every second I possibly COULD in a day once I got home! PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! That's all I wanted to do anyway cuz it was just TOO much fun! The only downside to this, years later, was that I'd thought up so many games for us all through the years that they became rather jaded at times, and Mom's imagination was by then very taxed regarding any NEW, WILD AND DIFFERENT games.....or toys to play with! But somehow, I always found something new....those two really stretched me to THINK!

radgirl,

Yes, the removal of that immense, unwavering and demonstrative love is what really, really kills. It's kind of strange, but I likened Nissa and her trademark kisses to one boyfriend I'd had in highschool...one who actually liked to kiss a lot, too, unlike most....except Nissa was FAR better at it! I'd told my H long ago that when she went, HE'D have to try and fill in for her, kiss-wise, because I knew that I'd be going insane missing those, and her 'Doris Day' gazes. But ya know...he could only chuckle, saying that NO ONE could ever begin to kiss like SHE did, or look into someone's eyes like SHE did. And I'm afraid that IS the way it is. The utter sorrow of losing this alone is enough to kill me, never mind anything else. While a couple of women here are trying to quit smoking, even though I'm not yet, I still feel like an addict suddenly torn away from my truly life-sustaining (unlike other drugs) 'stash' and I find myself breathless so often, wanting, NEEDING those kisses and that love SO BADLY that I really wonder if I'll die (slowly and painfully) w/o them.

I also remember, when my Mother was still alive, and with her never understanding how I could possibly love my kidlets as much as I did....that when she died, I would think, "Mum, if you're watching me and Nissa now, as she's kissing the stuffin' outta me and looking at me with such pure LOVE.....NOW you'll see just why I love her the way I do. THEN you'll really be able to finally understand just how unbelievably wonderful a girl she is....and what she's able to give me that you never could. Now you'll see how much MORE a relationship with these wonderful souls can be." And that's exactly what I did think, and hoped that Nissa's and my love for each other would even have the power to enrich the spirit kingdom. One more day....closer to the day I'll get to be with my girl and guy again...one less day we'll be 'apart'...

Nissa's mommy

Well the stats are a fear thing, and really apply mostly for cats that go out alone and I think the nights are the worst. While my Butch did go out when he was younger I didn't let him stay out at night. Moose once went to sleep under a bush and his daddy left him for a few minutes and came unside. Of course a dog chased him up a tree. He got up but couldn't get down. No, thank all the gods, lasting damage from that one. (sigh) What a heart attack that was! He was lost for almost an hour. In his last year we did take the leash off, but daddy followed him where ever he went. We still do that with Autumn. It's been nasty cold here so we aren't sure what we are going to do with Majik and outside. So I think your way is good. The problem is not many people are able or willing to follow a cat around, it's a challange to do. Your kids were lucky in that as in many other ways.

Love

I agree that those statistics are probably for cats that spend ALL their time outdoors, especially in the city with more traffic, etc. Alley was always indoor/outdoor and had a pet door so she could come and go as she pleased. Her preference was to spend most of her time inside, in my bed but when she wanted out, she liked to go and chase things and look things over in the yard, in the woods, and would sometimes spend all day outside.

The disease that Alley got was a freak thing and can't be figured in to what her "normal" life expectancy would be. She was 9 when it happened so that's already double what those predictions say and the vet said otherwise she was completely healthy and had no other health issues whatsoever. So it it hadn't been for that damn tick, she may have lived another nine years.

My next cat, I do plan to keep indoors all the time, unless I can train it to go out on a harness, but that's mostly because I live in the city now and there are too many cars and dogs around.