I have been in tears off and on all night long. I can't help it I did not want my Snookie's big beautiful body being cremated. I know her soul has gone to Heaven and she is free from pain and running free now and all of that.

I know she could not feel a thing that was done to her but dear God I can't stand the thought of them doing that to my darling little girl. My girl who I held in my arms who I hugged and kissed, my baby girl who filled my life with joy and went every where with me, the one I loved more than anything in the world other than my family.

Snookie was the sweetness of my life, the one who gave meaning to my world who taught me to love. The little girl who meant the world to me, being put in a furnace and being turned to ashes, cremains. Stuffed into a baggie, put into a urn something that to me is not natural.

I carried her in as a whole dog and all I will get back is cremains!! At least I got to bury Chili Bean but in this frozen Michigan hole I could not even dig a grave. Dear God how will I face going to get what is left of my precious fur daughter.

My mind is screaming and I feel half crazy so if I sound crazy then so be it. The thought makes me sick to my stomach and scorches my soul and takes me to the brink of insanity to have that done to her. Thank God my will says for me to be buried not cremated. I simply can not stand that happening to my baby either. I don't know how I can face the pain death was so hard but this feels worse.
Ann

Here in this picture Snookie had just come from getting her hair cut she was mad that I left her. Her ears were standing up and she was barking at me telling me off. Oh how I loved her for missing me in that hour we were apart.

I think when we are mourning we choose something to focus on to punish ourselves and you are choosing this as your way.

Just keep taking deep breaths and force your mind to think of something else (I know I know easier said than done). we have more control over our brains than we give ourselves credit for.

Maybe if you could just remember when your in pain thinking of the cremation that if you werent torturing yourself about this then it would be about something else.

When are picking her up?

Love Sue

I know that for some people cremation isn't a consideration, but, unfortunately, you didn't have much option. I'm not sure that looking at it from my point of view will help, but I'll do my best to explain my feelings. My husband and I are both being cremated and most of our families are too. He has a sister that's Catholic, and she considers it to be a fate worse than death. The only fate worse than death is Hell. We're already living in a level of it here on earth.

Our souls are what makes us who we are. When our souls have left the shell that God gave us for this life to join Him, what happens to the body is immaterial. God promises us a different appearance. The Bible says we may not recognize each other, but I feel that's because we'll still be looking for the person as we knew him or her. We'll recognize each other when we start looking at the inner beauty - the soul - that is finally able to shine through to everyone. Our pets are the same way. The main difference is that our pets will look more like we've always pictured them because we all saw their souls when we looked in their eyes. They didn't hide anything from us as humans do. When I looked in Sonnie's eyes, I always saw another being who loved me unconditionally and would have done anything for me. All he asked in return was a chance to make me smile, to sit on my lap, to sleep in bed with us, and to be fed and let outside to go to the restroom. Those were easy things to do for someone who gave us so much in return.

When the minister says the last sermon at a gravesite, he says "ashes to ashes, dust to dust." This will be my way of giving back to the earth what I've taken from it during my time here. I am a firm believer in giving back as much as I can because I want others to have a chance to see the wonderful things I saw: beautiful sunsets, huge old trees, the trusting eyes of a loving pet, and wild animals running in their natural habitat. What happens to my shell is of no concern to me. I've already joined Him and all my loved ones, human and animal.

I don't know if that helped any at all or if it even made sense. I know your decision was a hard one, so try to look at it from a different viewpoint. I'm going to look for the perfect urn for Sonnie tomorrow. Our ground is pretty frozen here too, so we'll probably wait until spring thaw so we can bury Sonnie out back. He and I planted two flowering bushes and two trees last year. We might bury him under one of the trees, but I'm not sure because Sonnie loved to eat cherry tomatoes, so we might bury in the part of the garden we don't use anymore. Rob and I will pick the perfect place together.

Ann, I am so sorry . . .

That is such a cute picture of Snookie.

I do agree with Sue 100%. I know that was true for me.

Karen, that is beautiful, and I found much comfort from you words. Thanks.
Ann, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Marcia

Hi Ann,
(((hugs))) When I read your post I immediately thought of the what the poster before me said....In the bible we are told "ashes to ashes dust to dust..." The beauty of it all is that after the passing the essence of our beautiful dogs is no longer in the shell.
That said, It still is very difficult to face that the ashes are all of the physical remains of our loved ones. I have wondered and thought of what will I do when Dutchess dies... She's an 80 lb lab... I just know that her spirit is free as soon as she passes.
I also was raised Catholic...I'm a firm Christian. My understanding is that we will have new and healed bodies and I know that our creator can turn that dust back into being in a flash if He wishes.
We're all different..some take great comfort in having their deceased ashes...I don't think I am going to want the ashes if we cremate..but feelings constantly change. You will come to peace with this after the mourning but in the meantime you have my love and prayers.
I'm new here so it's taking me a while to absorb everyone and put the names with their experiences. I realize now that you have lost two babies in 6 wks and I'm soooo sorry. A few weeks ago both of my dogs were sick...I thought I might be sending them off to the bridge together..but Faith has really rebounded and is past her last crisis.
I'm enjoying the pictures of your dog's and everyones animals... good to see all this love on the boards. I hope you sleep better. Blessings, Terri

Ann ((hugs))
Hang on, Ann. I think everyone has already said more than I can. Your Snookie's photo is so precious and I can see her barking at you You will feel so many things during this grief and question why and what if, oh so many feelings. Just know Snookie's soul is flying high and no longer in her earthly body and she is free and happy and waiting for the day you will join her. I know this and believe it with all my heart and soul.
thinking of you
Libby

Ann,

I don't know if I can really help because I don't have anything to say regarding cremation to help you overcome your feelings about it. The most I can offer is empathy because I feel the same way. It goes to an instinctive level. I am so fortunate that I could bury Punky in my backyard in December with no thought of frozen ground. As for my own burial, I have a request that I doubt will be honored no matter how many people I tell. I don't think I will have an advocate. I certainly don't want to be cremated, I can't stand the thought of doing that to the body that has served me so well for so many years. This feeling is strong even though I realize so fully well that fire is necessary for rejuvination and rebirth in the natural world. I would rather be thrown overboard and fed to the sharks. In fact, if that was legal, I would enjoy that type of burial. My body forever becomes part of the food chain - the circle of life. I would like to be buried the way I buried my baby Punky. No coffin at all. None. No formaldehyde. Wrapped very loosely in a shroud and placed directly in the ground. Plant a native tree on top of me to mark my grave site. Just let the wormies and creepy crawlies have me. I would love to become part of the land. Just like Punky is becoming right now. He will return to the land that I love so much. I'm sure this is definitely NOT helping you Ann. I'm so sorry. Ok, here it is....

My boyfriend appreciates my views on this, but he himself wants to be cremated. He is more aligned with the fact that our bodies are just shells and it doesn't matter at that point what becomes of it. Its the memory of the spirit that must be honored above all. If he dies before me, I will try to honor his wish and have him cremated (he doesn't have any family, so its very possible I would be in charge of his affairs). To make his cremation be significant to *ME* I always imagined carrying bits of his ashes with me and whenever I travelled or visited somewhere beautiful, I would spread a bit of his ashes at that place in memory of him. He used to travel a lot in his old line of work, and he has literally seen the whole world. I would be so warmed by the idea that his remains are spread throughout places of beauty and significance all over the world, just like he did in life. If I was to do the same for Punky, had he been cremated, I would spread bits of his ashes in all the places that he loved to go. For example, for him, I would spread his ashes at "grandma's house", doggy park, places he always loved to sun himself or lose himself in the world of smells in the yard, perhaps once I got a garden going, I'd spread a little over the tomato patch, because he was a crazy man for tomatoes(!!), and on and on and on...

Its just an idea to deeply and spiritually beautify the seeminlgy disturbing nature of cremating a loved one. I have never forgotten the sweet wooden carved kitty urn that holds one kitty's ashes, I forget who it belongs to. I looked for a doggy version and couldn't find one, but I found satisfaction in imagining Punky's cremated remains in such an urn. I think the point that is emerging here is that the most important thing is to find beauty, significance, and symbolism in your baby's cremated remains. What matters now is that *YOU* are made whole by whatever way you choose to honor her.

All my love, darling Ann,
_Punky's Momma

Hi Ann,

I believe having a place to focus our grief and sense of loss is very important with the grieving process. Whether we focus that grief on a grave or an urn shouldn't really matter. As Karen said, the body is just a shell that once housed the soul. The soul is alive and well and always will be.

In my opinion, burying an urn containing the pet's remains is equivelent to burying a body. If you prefer burial, maybe you should consider burying Snookie's urn in the spring when the ground is no longer frozen.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation, Ann. But as Sue said, if you weren't torturing youself with this cremation thing, it would be something else. In the early stages of the grieving process, all of us seem to find a way to blame ourselves for not doing something different....it's just so difficult to face the fact that there was nothing we could do to save our pets.

It's going to be a diffcult struggle coming to terms with your loss, but you'll make it through, just as we all have....you know we're here to help you any way we can. Please keep us informed on how you're doing.

Take care,
__Jim

I thought about cremation, so I could have my baby's urn buried with me some
day.
It came a terrible blizzard and ice storm here the night my baby died. He had
to lay in my garage in his frozen little coffin (the weather was below 0) for
6 days. I felt horrible. But I wanted to bury him on my parent's property, next
to my childhood cat who died at 19. In the spring, I want to plant a blue spruce
on his grave, as he was a beautiful blue grey cat.
It was hard. My husband had to break the ground with a sledge hammer.
I have wondered what would have been easier, keeping his ashes close to me
forever, or having a memorial grave site with a tree.
The answer obviously is, none of it is easy. Either option can bring comfort.
I remember his lifeless body at the vet's. My husband and i weeping over it.
I said then, "This really isn't Hegel anymore. He's everywhere now." We attach
a lot to those precious little bodies, but that isn't who they were.

Dear Ann -

That picture of Snookie is precious!

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I do feel for you so much and wish I could offer some words of comfort.

When Rusty died, I didn't know if I wanted him cremated or buried so he spent a night in our attic in a cold cardboard box, which was so awful to comprehend. We decided to bury him in the backyard (December but we were lucky the ground had not become frozen yet.) I (repeating myself) said on another post that I cannot go into the backyard and probably will never be able to. I can't even look into the direction of where he is out there. I am now thinking we should have had him cremated so that if we move, I could take him with me. I think you did the right thing. (If my husband doesn't have me committed before then, I might ask him to get Rusty out of the ground and then we can have him cremated.)

I don't think that any way you choose to do it makes you feel better. It's just such a horribly hard time to go through..............

Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Love,

Lynn

Lynn,

I may wind up in the same place you are committed to because I asked Rick the same thing about Tommy. Tommy is the only one I buried. I don't want to move and leave Tommy here. I know he is a free spirit now, but my thought processes get all messed up and I feel like we would be leaving him behind.....

Ann,

I'm echoing everyone else who has already posted on this thread, but I'll say it again: please don't torture yourself. You loved your special Snookie Cookie's soul (for lack of a better word), not the physical shell that housed Snookie while she was here. I understand that you may feel like you're not treating Snookie's body with the reverence that you feel for Snookie, but remember that Snookie's body isn't Snookie. What you loved, Snookie, passed into the ether, as we all do upon death. Snookie has been liberated from her frail body; her frail body is only a shell that remains. Snookie will live on through your memories, regardless of what happens to Snookie's physical body.

Regards,
Margie

Thank you again for all your kinds words and compassion to all of my posts that I have made so many of lately. I think I have come to terms with my little girl being cremated. Somewhere deep inside I think I will be able to over come my horror of having to live with what was done, not by choice but because the ground was to frozen to dig a grave. When I pick her up Thursday all of you will be with me.

Steve these words you wrote to me mean so much more to me than you will ever know. I read them often and I got a picture of something I have never seen or heard before. You showed me I should not fear kissing the cremains and your tender love really touches my soul.

From Steve [QUOTE]Also, I can kiss the little cedar box he is in good night, as I do every night. That may sound weird or extreme but it again gives me a place to focus my love.

As far as Claire switching the ashes to a new urn, I believe the ashes are in a plastic bag, so it shouldn't be too traumatic. At least Romeo's are. His ashes are in a plastic bag(which I haven't even looked at). The bag is then wrapped in a cloth and the cloth is sealed with a sticker from the crematorium. Then the "package" is placed in the cedar box. In my opinion it was done very nicely. End of Quote

My dear friends I was hurting so much and I was in shock and was not ready to hear the words about going on living. I did not understand at first but now I know some of you were only saying that I should not give up, that life will go on.

Painful as it may be we have to try to do the best we can, eat get dressed, and love those that we still have with us. The pain is getting a little better each day and I have a bit more strength than I did when my baby first died. I know I will cry plenty of tears and the pain may become dull and never leave but I will find a way to keep on living.

I felt so hopeless and even so helpless when Snookie Cookie left this world but never will I forget the love I shared with my darling Snookie. Because of that great love I will regain the power and the strength to love without fear, and to embrace life to the fullest, for my dear darling Snookie girl taught me how to really love.
Love, Ann

Here's my last words on Snookie's cremation because Thursday is coming and it's going to be hard enough on you. I talked to Rob about him making a concrete vault (no better word) for Sonnie's ashes. He's in road construction and material testing, so concrete and asphalt aren't a problem for him. That way, if we ever move from this house, we'll be able to take Sonnie and any other pet we have buried in the yard with us. He said he could do that and didn't think it would be a problem, and I'll help him. We're going to put a marker back there too. We don't want to move and leave him/them behind - he's still a part of this family and always will be.

I'm glad to hear that you're getting a little better each day. We'll all backslide (I was so depressed yesterday afternoon I brought on a migraine), but there are more good times moments each day. Rob was so worried about me that he took today off so I wouldn't have to be here by myself for my birthday. I feel so old, but I'm getting better. I was really worried about you. Keep us posted.

Don't forget we'll be here on Thursday night when you need us. It's bowling night for Rob, so I can be on here as much as I need to, for myself and for you all.

Thanks for being there. May we all find the peace we crave.