I am just so mad I could scream. My dad just called to see how I was tonight and I told him I am still heartbroken and sad and missing my Snookie so much. He told me "You better just snap out of it, it's not like a human died". I told him she has only been gone since Sunday that it's only been 3 days.
He said that is plenty of time and I better turn all my attention on to Schnitzel and forget about Snookie. He carried on how Schnitzel will mean every bit as much to me as Snookie did.
He said he wishes I would give him Schnitzel that he thinks she is the best he has ever seen. He wanted her the day my sister brought her to me. No thanks he would only give her dirty looks and unkind words like he did all his other dogs he has ever owned.
He knows I do love Schnitzel too but thinks a day of grieving is enough for anyone and she should make everything all right. Well it's not alright my baby is gone and I miss her and always will.
3 days, crap, that makes me so mad that he thinks I should be fine. Well I find it painful to think he believes I can forget about my precious Snookie.
Ann
Full Version: Snookie Gone Since Sunday 12-26
Dear Ann,
I'm sorry your dad is being so insensitive. Many people don't understand the bond that exists with our furbabies...it doesn't make me sad for me, it makes me sad for them. They've never experienced the unconditional love that is given by our pets. As far as his comment about it not being like a human had died...yes, that's true, but the love we have for our furbabies is just as deep as the love we have for other humans...sometimes even deeper. But again, someone who has never experienced that love wouldn't know.
Ann, surround yourself with the love and compassion of your children and your husband...and your friends here at LS. When your dad calls, let his insensitive words go in one ear and out the other.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Kathleen
I'm sorry your dad is being so insensitive. Many people don't understand the bond that exists with our furbabies...it doesn't make me sad for me, it makes me sad for them. They've never experienced the unconditional love that is given by our pets. As far as his comment about it not being like a human had died...yes, that's true, but the love we have for our furbabies is just as deep as the love we have for other humans...sometimes even deeper. But again, someone who has never experienced that love wouldn't know.
Ann, surround yourself with the love and compassion of your children and your husband...and your friends here at LS. When your dad calls, let his insensitive words go in one ear and out the other.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Kathleen
Ann,
I'm sorry your Dad isn't understanding what you and your husband are going through. I had someone near and dear to me say something similar and it really shocked and hurt me greatly. How dare she judge my grief and how long I should be allowed to be upset! I remember it was the last thing I needed to hear and plunged me further into my darkness.
Each person and situation is different. I have read here before that it can take one month for each year of your furbabies age, to get through your grief. I didn't believe it at the time, but right now at 4 months I'm beginning to put some stock in that.
Ann, I know how much you ache to hold your Snookie Cookie and the emptiness is so great and fresh. You hold on and cry those tears and surround yourself with love from your friends and family who understand, and of course we at LS are here for you!
Libby
I'm sorry your Dad isn't understanding what you and your husband are going through. I had someone near and dear to me say something similar and it really shocked and hurt me greatly. How dare she judge my grief and how long I should be allowed to be upset! I remember it was the last thing I needed to hear and plunged me further into my darkness.
Each person and situation is different. I have read here before that it can take one month for each year of your furbabies age, to get through your grief. I didn't believe it at the time, but right now at 4 months I'm beginning to put some stock in that.
Ann, I know how much you ache to hold your Snookie Cookie and the emptiness is so great and fresh. You hold on and cry those tears and surround yourself with love from your friends and family who understand, and of course we at LS are here for you!
Libby
Dear Ann,
Libby and Kathleen said it best.........Those who have never experienced the animal/human bond just can't understand how we feel. I too, feel bad for them. They are missing out on so much.
Ann, when your dad calls, just listen and don't take what he says to heart. It is impossible for him to know what you are going through. Try not to get upset and just realize that he will never feel as you do. How sad..... That's why I don't talk about my Rusty to those who do not understand. Just makes it too frustrating and sad. Thank goodness there are people who are on the same "plateau of thinking" at LS...........
Lynn XXOO
Libby and Kathleen said it best.........Those who have never experienced the animal/human bond just can't understand how we feel. I too, feel bad for them. They are missing out on so much.
Ann, when your dad calls, just listen and don't take what he says to heart. It is impossible for him to know what you are going through. Try not to get upset and just realize that he will never feel as you do. How sad..... That's why I don't talk about my Rusty to those who do not understand. Just makes it too frustrating and sad. Thank goodness there are people who are on the same "plateau of thinking" at LS...........
Lynn XXOO
Abby's Mommy,
So very well said! Thank you so much.
Dear Ann and everyone,
I know there was not one response here, nor have I seen one anywhere else on this Board, that was not posted with the very best of intentions. All good people here, no doubt. But right now, no matter what, Ann needs everyone's support here to do what she needs to do, and that is to grieve every single minute of every single night and day if that is what she feels in her heart and soul. She has been so strong, so brave, so helpful to everyone here, to her family, her children, and all of her "animal grandchildren," and she is STILL doing so right at this devastating time in her life. I know she is exhausted. It is Ann's time right now to grieve for all of her losses. Ann is a strong person, but now is the time for her to not be strong. She has that right. She needs that right. Some of us here -- a lot of us here-- were "basket cases" for quite some time, and that IS OKAY. As Abby's Mommy said, every good grief counselor will tell you that. I don't think any of us here is a licensed "counselor," but we speak from our own very personal experiences. That is what we are here for -- in this time of unbearable loss and devastation, to reassure each other that our feelings -- no matter what they are -- deserve and need to be felt until we can really, truly resolve them in our hearts and our minds because these feelings will NOT just go away. They will return if they are not acknowledged at the time they are ready to be felt, and that is what becomes unhealthy. Not getting out of bed, not dressing, not even showering, crying, anything anyone feels at this stage, is OKAY. The only other thing anyone NEEDS to do at this time is to try to eat, try to rest, and try to take care of themselves. These things too are difficult at best.
I realize not everyone feels this way and/or agrees, and everyone is entitled to their own thoughts about it obviously. I am not saying that. But I will say, if you are denying your own grief and feeling you need to be over it "soon," maybe you are under the influence of a society that does not give us permission to grieve over the loss of a "pet." The grief does need to be felt, acknowledged and talked about and whatever else because it will not go away on its own. If it does go away on its own, it is because those feelings have been "stuffed" way down inside. We never "get over" this loss, but we can accept it and move on with our lives when the time is right for us. Time does not heal the wounds. It IS, as lots of you have said, what we do with the time, that helps us heal. And then we can live with the loss. The loss is there. It is real. It will never go away. A piece of us is gone forever. But we will live again. We will love again. But never, ever in the same way. But that is okay too. Because of the deep love we felt for these "children" and the unconditional love we received from these "children," we have been truly blessed, and we will go on with our lives when the time is right.
I want to reiterate, I know everyone here is good and kind and wants only the best for everyone here. That's what I want too. This is a place where each of us is allowed, encouraged and needs to express our own true feelings, and it has been, and I believe it is, a safe place to do that. So, please, let's try not to get offended or decide we are going to leave if someone doesn't agree with us. I have done that myself a couple of times in the past, but I intend not to do that again. This site and the people here are too important to me. I want to thank Abby's Mommy for being so courageous because had she not made her wonderful post, my post would have been different -- maybe not so outspoken and I would have waited so I could try to "get it just right." Thank you, Abby's Mommy.
Love to all,
Marcia
So very well said! Thank you so much.
Dear Ann and everyone,
I know there was not one response here, nor have I seen one anywhere else on this Board, that was not posted with the very best of intentions. All good people here, no doubt. But right now, no matter what, Ann needs everyone's support here to do what she needs to do, and that is to grieve every single minute of every single night and day if that is what she feels in her heart and soul. She has been so strong, so brave, so helpful to everyone here, to her family, her children, and all of her "animal grandchildren," and she is STILL doing so right at this devastating time in her life. I know she is exhausted. It is Ann's time right now to grieve for all of her losses. Ann is a strong person, but now is the time for her to not be strong. She has that right. She needs that right. Some of us here -- a lot of us here-- were "basket cases" for quite some time, and that IS OKAY. As Abby's Mommy said, every good grief counselor will tell you that. I don't think any of us here is a licensed "counselor," but we speak from our own very personal experiences. That is what we are here for -- in this time of unbearable loss and devastation, to reassure each other that our feelings -- no matter what they are -- deserve and need to be felt until we can really, truly resolve them in our hearts and our minds because these feelings will NOT just go away. They will return if they are not acknowledged at the time they are ready to be felt, and that is what becomes unhealthy. Not getting out of bed, not dressing, not even showering, crying, anything anyone feels at this stage, is OKAY. The only other thing anyone NEEDS to do at this time is to try to eat, try to rest, and try to take care of themselves. These things too are difficult at best.
I realize not everyone feels this way and/or agrees, and everyone is entitled to their own thoughts about it obviously. I am not saying that. But I will say, if you are denying your own grief and feeling you need to be over it "soon," maybe you are under the influence of a society that does not give us permission to grieve over the loss of a "pet." The grief does need to be felt, acknowledged and talked about and whatever else because it will not go away on its own. If it does go away on its own, it is because those feelings have been "stuffed" way down inside. We never "get over" this loss, but we can accept it and move on with our lives when the time is right for us. Time does not heal the wounds. It IS, as lots of you have said, what we do with the time, that helps us heal. And then we can live with the loss. The loss is there. It is real. It will never go away. A piece of us is gone forever. But we will live again. We will love again. But never, ever in the same way. But that is okay too. Because of the deep love we felt for these "children" and the unconditional love we received from these "children," we have been truly blessed, and we will go on with our lives when the time is right.
I want to reiterate, I know everyone here is good and kind and wants only the best for everyone here. That's what I want too. This is a place where each of us is allowed, encouraged and needs to express our own true feelings, and it has been, and I believe it is, a safe place to do that. So, please, let's try not to get offended or decide we are going to leave if someone doesn't agree with us. I have done that myself a couple of times in the past, but I intend not to do that again. This site and the people here are too important to me. I want to thank Abby's Mommy for being so courageous because had she not made her wonderful post, my post would have been different -- maybe not so outspoken and I would have waited so I could try to "get it just right." Thank you, Abby's Mommy.
Love to all,
Marcia
[The one thing I do know is you can not rush the grieving process by even a moment. No one can really tell someone else how or when to heal from our loss because no one shared that special bond but you and your beloved furbaby.
I agree in full with Abby's Mommy. You need to take your time, feel what you need to feel, no matter how long it takes you to feel better. You will probably never "get over" the loss of Snookie, (I know I'll never get over Kasha) but you will be able to remember the good times before the bad one of these days.
Marcia and Abby's Mommy said everything I wanted to say to you so I won't repeat it but I do want to say one thing about family and friends. I have a strained relationship with my own father. He rarely understands my choices, motivations, or feelings and often takes the opportunity to tell me so. I spend much of my time catering to his ideas and whims, masking my own feelings just to maintain a relationship between him and I for the sake of my little boy, I want him to have a chance to know his grandpa. When Kasha died I was devastated and needed my family but when I told them what had happened they said "oooooh I'm sorry" and then changed the subject. They never brought it up again and neither did I. (and my family is GOOD and loving) When I told my Dad he said "Well...she was old. Couldn't have her peeing all over your house anyway." That was it. I didn't talk to him about it again. I know my dad, I know that if he does feel my pain he chooses to ignore it because he either doesn't think I should be sad or because he doesn't know what to say. Either way, I know that I can't turn to him for emotional support in most matters. He wasn't around for my divorce, he didn't even call to see if I was alright....but you know what? I love him anyway.
People are who they are. Family members and loved ones are not always capable of providing everything we need. Your dad is a very different person than you are....and it's sad, but it's ok. Don't expect him to support you....he probably doesn't know what to do, and most likely never will. I love my father because he's my dad, and for the years we have spent together....not for his personality. Where he can't be counted on in some respects he's still a wonderful person, living a very different life than I, but worthy of love and understanding and patience just the same as the rest of us.
Please don't think I am defending your father's actions Ann because I'm not. I just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through with him. He is who he is...you already know that and have made concessions in the past. He's not going to be your best support.....if he brings Snookie up in a converstation, change the subject. Don't let his ideas and thoughts alter what you are feeling....you don't need the anger and frustration along with the pain of missing Snookie.
Be exactally who you are, feel what you feel and don't bother about your dad. His opinions differ vastly from yours, but most of the people on LS agree with you and have an enormous amount of compassion for your heart-breaking loss. Turn here when you need...don't look to people who aren't willing to help.
I'm sorry if my post offends anyone...it's just my opinion (of my own dad mostly) and I though it might make you feel less alone.
Kristie
I agree in full with Abby's Mommy. You need to take your time, feel what you need to feel, no matter how long it takes you to feel better. You will probably never "get over" the loss of Snookie, (I know I'll never get over Kasha) but you will be able to remember the good times before the bad one of these days.
Marcia and Abby's Mommy said everything I wanted to say to you so I won't repeat it but I do want to say one thing about family and friends. I have a strained relationship with my own father. He rarely understands my choices, motivations, or feelings and often takes the opportunity to tell me so. I spend much of my time catering to his ideas and whims, masking my own feelings just to maintain a relationship between him and I for the sake of my little boy, I want him to have a chance to know his grandpa. When Kasha died I was devastated and needed my family but when I told them what had happened they said "oooooh I'm sorry" and then changed the subject. They never brought it up again and neither did I. (and my family is GOOD and loving) When I told my Dad he said "Well...she was old. Couldn't have her peeing all over your house anyway." That was it. I didn't talk to him about it again. I know my dad, I know that if he does feel my pain he chooses to ignore it because he either doesn't think I should be sad or because he doesn't know what to say. Either way, I know that I can't turn to him for emotional support in most matters. He wasn't around for my divorce, he didn't even call to see if I was alright....but you know what? I love him anyway.
People are who they are. Family members and loved ones are not always capable of providing everything we need. Your dad is a very different person than you are....and it's sad, but it's ok. Don't expect him to support you....he probably doesn't know what to do, and most likely never will. I love my father because he's my dad, and for the years we have spent together....not for his personality. Where he can't be counted on in some respects he's still a wonderful person, living a very different life than I, but worthy of love and understanding and patience just the same as the rest of us.
Please don't think I am defending your father's actions Ann because I'm not. I just wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through with him. He is who he is...you already know that and have made concessions in the past. He's not going to be your best support.....if he brings Snookie up in a converstation, change the subject. Don't let his ideas and thoughts alter what you are feeling....you don't need the anger and frustration along with the pain of missing Snookie.
Be exactally who you are, feel what you feel and don't bother about your dad. His opinions differ vastly from yours, but most of the people on LS agree with you and have an enormous amount of compassion for your heart-breaking loss. Turn here when you need...don't look to people who aren't willing to help.
I'm sorry if my post offends anyone...it's just my opinion (of my own dad mostly) and I though it might make you feel less alone.
Kristie
Kristie, you are a much better person than I, no matter what people may say about my "sensitivity and wisdom".
Ann - you know that my response is to people who say tings like that? Relatives or not?
Screw em. Their own petty bitterness will be punishment enough in the long run.
Ann - you know that my response is to people who say tings like that? Relatives or not?
Screw em. Their own petty bitterness will be punishment enough in the long run.
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and love. It means so very much to me at this time when I am so lost without my darling girl by my side. I want to say more but I guess I wont at this time. May God bless you all, as you are a blessing to me, I will come back when I have regained my strength until then I will just continue to read.
Love, Ann
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and love. It means so very much to me at this time when I am so lost without my darling girl by my side. I want to say more but I guess I wont at this time. May God bless you all, as you are a blessing to me, I will come back when I have regained my strength until then I will just continue to read.
Love, Ann
sometimes you just have to try and love somebody inspite of themselves 
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