My husband and I helped our little rat terrier Sonnie in his time of extreme pain Saturday morning. We're going through the grieving process now. I know we all grieve differently, and I've had to do this for older pets before, but this is different. Sonnie was only in our lives for five and a half years and he was only six and a half. We adopted him from a no-kill shelter for my late mother-in-law. It didn't take long for him to become a special and important part of our lives. He and our akita became fast friends, especially when Bear lost all of his sight and regained most of it. He was there when my husband's mom died here at home and helped a great deal during our grieving process for her. Now we have to figure out how to go through the process for him.

I'm thinking about calling the University of Illinois's counselors tonight. Has anyone ever talked to a grief counselor like this? I'm sure they'll be wonderful because they're the vet students, and that's where we took Bear for his eyes. I'm just looking for some guidance. Does anyone have any suggestions for my husband, our akita, three cats, and me? I'm crying so much that my husband is worried about my health.

Thank you all so much for being there. I feel for everyone who has made the same decision we did. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all.

Hi,
I just had to have my baby put down on Thursday. The grieving for me is that I can't see any reason to get out of bed in the morning, because always before, the minute I wake up, my first thought is, I'd better get downstairs to let Kiva out. Or does he have any water? Or I should give him his medicine. Or I don't want him to be lonely all downstairs by himself. He always lay in the living room in the same spot, by the front door and always when I leave the house, I turn to him and say, I'll be right back. And he's the first thing I see when I walk in the door. He's always waiting for us. I go to bed crying and wake up crying. There is a big stain on my living room rug, where he peed and laid in his own urine the night before we put him down. I don't want to clean it up. Or pick his bowl up off the floor. And I'm feeling guilty because I got mad at him the night before I realized he was sick. And I didn't take him for walks often enough because I have an injury and walking has been really painful for me since September. But he wouldn't go out with anybody but me, not even with my 19 year old son who was like his brother. And it irritated me because he only wanted his mommy. Now I think it was because he was in so much pain on his walks, even though he always really wanted to go. He only felt safe with me. Oh . . . there's so much. Maybe moving through the grieving process just means crying when you feel the pain, talking a lot about the dog that you loved so much, not getting rid of any of his things until you feel really ready, and realizing that although the pain feels unbearable, if you let yourself feel it, it won't be. There is a wonderful man, Stephen Levine, who works with death and dying. When my husband was dying, I went to a workshop he did and he said that letting yourself truly grieve, or loving someone who is dying, is like keeping your heart open in hell. I always think about that.
Mimi

Just wanted to add one more thing. I can't believe how many times I brought up my husband's death on this site since Kiva died. It was a long time ago. I think it's because we got Kiva soon after his death, but also another part of the grieving process is that it brings up all the other losses you've had before. So you're not just grieving for Sonnie, you might also be feeling all the other losses you've had throughout your life. I don't know why, but it always seems to happen like that.
Mimi

I'm sorry for your loss too. Only people who truly love as animal lovers do can understand our grief. I told Rob that I must love too much, but what is life without love? I will add Kiva and your family to my prayers for guidance.

Sonnie slept with us every night from the first night we adopted him. It's also the place I was holding him when we made the decision to let him go. I cry myself to sleep and wake up crying too. I have one of Sonnie's coats in front of me at my desk. His dishes are still down too, partly because the cats and Bear all drink out of his bowl too. It's been like since day one. Bear has his own elevated dishes but drinks water out of Sonnie's. When he lost his leg in August, we bought him an elevated dish too - just not as tall. I think he liked having dishes like his big bro/protector. I bought him enough dog food for two weeks when I went shopping for groceries Friday morning. Wishful thinking on my part.

I know I'm thinking of my mother-in-law right now. We originally got him so she would have a small companion to sit by her in her wheelchair. She had lost a leg and part of a hip to diabetes a long time ago. He was really too big to sit with her, but he would lie at her side during the day. She loved him so much. When she fell and had a stroke, both dogs were by her side when one of our neighbors went over to find out why I couldn't reach her on the phone. If it hadn't been for them, she may have died sooner. I feel like I've let her down because I promised her I'd take care of Rob and the boys. I never dreamed we'd lose him less than two years later.

KayKay, I'm so sorry to hear that you lost Sonnie. I think the crying is just part of the grieving process we have to go through when we lose someone we've loved so truly, whether for a long or short time. When I lost my Misty cat almost two months ago, I'd find myself breaking into tears for no apparent reason, except that I missed her so much. It's gotten better since then, but I still cry at times, no apparent reason for when or where in most cases. Things will get better over time.

Thinking of you,

Dear KayKay,

So sorry to hear about Sonnie. My thoughts are with you and your husband. I do agree with Mimi in that when you lose someone, it brings back all the other losses you've had in your life. It's no wonder you're thinking of your mother-in-law at this time. Thinking of you................

Sincerely,

Lynn

Thank you all so much for your wonderful support. Tomorrow at work is going to be hard because I work with a lot of animal lovers, and everyone was pulling for him to make it. Thank goodness I can turn my back on my co-workers so they don't see the tears. I think they'll understand - I just can't talk about my loss so soon to people outside of my husband and extremely close friends. I've found a rock in a friend who lost her Daisy earlier this year. I need someone else to talk to because I keep making Rob cry.

I hate this time of day because it's close to bedtime since we have to get up so early. I know I'm going to cry myself to sleep again and wake up the same way. My eyes look terrible, and my very pale face is bright red. I look like the walking dead, and right now I feel like that. My heart is so bruised and battered. I keep getting an empty feeling in my chest, like nothing is there anymore. I have no interest in anything - I'm just going through the motions. I know it will get better, but right now the light at the end of the tunnel is still too far away to see.

Dear KayKay
I'm so sorry that you have lost your dear Sonnie ... you must feel completely heartbroken. He is such a cute little fellow and his dear little face is so sweet.

I found that I wanted to talk about my Ellie all the time when she died. I probably rang the grief counsellers we have here about 5 or 6 times in the first week. When ever I felt completely overwhelmed I would ring them up and they would listen and talk to me. It helped me so much. Somehow it acted as a kind of pressure-valve release for me and I would always come off the phone feeling more in control of my tears and considerably better. I think it was because I felt that someone cared and understood. So I would say ... don't hesitate to call them if you feel it would help ... you need all the support in the world at the moment.


My thoughts are with you and your dear Sonnie.

With love
jilly

Dear KayKay,

I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet little Sonnie.

I lost Shiloh a little over 3 months ago and I can still cry at the drop of a hat. I was seriously considering going to see a therapist to help with my grief, but then I decided to give myself a little time to grieve, cry, feel the pain, and cry some more. I don't know, I still may end up making an appointment. One thing I can tell you is that this website and forum is a very kind and caring place for pet loss support. Keep coming here, read posts, share your thoughts and feelings...it really does help.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

HI KayKay,



Just support each other and be patient is all anyone can do, the tears are healing the pain and very precious, if at all possible dont stop them i got to the point where each tear felt like acid on my skin i was so sore, put a little vasiline to creat a barrier.

It is a long hard journey and none of us can say how long because we are all different just be patient with yourself.

Love Sue

HI Mimi



Thats because you are now finishing off your grieving for your husband, at the time you had to push it deep and carry on with life, now you can start to heal that part of your sole and become a stronger person in the process.

We are learning many lessons in this lifetime some are harder than others but we are all strong and in our little family we have each other for help and support .

Love Sue

Hi KayKay,
I am really sorry to hear about your precious little Sonnie. I know how much you miss him. Everything you are feeling is normal. We have all pretty much been through the same things. I talked to several counselors, and yes they helped. It helps just to be able to talk about your feelings and about your "child."

Keep coming here and posting and reading too. Everyone here understands and we care about each other very, very much. It really helps to know that people really do understand. Every new loss brings up the old losses, and we mourn again. Your world will be different now, but in time, it will get better. I know the pain feels unbearable now.
Love,
Marcia

Thank you all for the wonderful support. I decided not to call the counselors last night, but I have their number programmed in to my cell phone. I'm sure I'll be calling them this week. This forum has been the best thing for me. Having the understanding and support from you has helped me considerably, which in turn helps Rob. He called me this morning to see how I was. I had just talked to one of the other supervisors in my division who has been through this, so I was pretty emotional. He's still worried, but I'm slowly getting there. It helped that I had a chance to talk to our regular vet. I've known Doc for 25 years, so this was a big deal for me. I told him about Sonnie's behavior and how he looked before we took him in to the emergency vet. He said we did the right thing and helped me to understand how Bear and the cats might behave over the next week or two. He also said that in his experience this loss will be easier on them than it will be on Rob and I. He's such a wonderful man.

Rob and I both cried when we were coming home because it's our first time to be gone from the house since we got home on Christmas morning. This was so hard. Bear looked more excited to see us than usual so he must have felt the difference today. We're trying not to spoil him because at his size he could become a serious nuisance, but it's kind of hard. He wouldn't go out back until Rob went with him. It's hard on the entire family. Peaches, Sonnie's cat girlfriend, wants attention from us, so I guess I'd better go hold her.

I just want to share something that an older friend of mine at work said to me today. She used to breed toy poodles and has one poodle and several cats now. Carol said that even though she's had several animal babies, she remembers and misses one dog more than the rest, and he's been gone for a long time. The reason she feels so strongly about him is because some animals are more special and touch us more than others. That makes perfect sense to me because Sonnie was a very special little buddy and always made me smile when I was crying. His smile was infectious. I'm going to try to remember how he looked when he smiled and was happy rather than how he looked toward the end. Two good pictures for each sad one.

Hi KayKay-
I am so sorry. Sonnie was such a special boy. What a shame to lose him so early in his life. You did the loving thing for him and helped him when he needed it the most.
Be gentle with yourself. It will take time but you will be able to smile more and cry less. I think allowing yourself to grieve is healthier than trying to hold it in. If you need to talk with someone it sounds like you have a good resource.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. May Sonnie's spirit come to you often and lift your heart. Bagel visited me a couple of times and Seymour came back the day he left me- I could feel him close by.
Bless you-Lisa.

Last night was the first time we didn't cry ourselves to sleep since we lost Sonnie. This morning I'm already crying, and I feel so empty. If we weren't so short-staffed at work, I'd probably call in today. Maybe I need a day at home by myself to cry. I know it gets better, but getting to that stage is hell. I'll be calling my friend today and probably a counselor tonight.

Thank you all for being here to listen to me. It breaks my husband's heart to see me so upset, and I don't want him to go backwards in his healing. He'll start saying no more pets ever, and I can't imagine my life without them. They add a love and support system that another human can't. I hope that made sense.

Dear KayKay,
I think your little boy is such a little doll and I'm sure it will take your heart a long time to heal. Our fur babies touch the deepest part of our hearts and souls with their love. I believe that only time will help lessen the horrible pain we feel but our love will always be just as strong. I am so broken that I cannot offer much help but I am thinking about and praying for you and your family.
Love, Ann

Thank you for thinking of us in your time of need. I made a decision this morning to think of two really fun things about Son-dog every time I thought of the sorrow and pain. It must have worked because I only really broke down and cried twice today. I teared up several times and remembered my decision. It felt like Sonnie gave me his approval. I'd like a sign that he's happy and says it's ok to go on, but I'm not sure I'll get one. It's enough to have people to talk to who truly understand the pain and sorrow. I can never thank you all enough. Maybe my sign is finding this website to assist me.

I wish I could take your pain away, but God doesn't give us only happiness. We have to take whatever is dealt and make the most of it. I'm going to try to add an email poem that my friend the rock sent me this afternoon. I hope it works. It's been around for a long time, but it means more to me right now than ever before.

READ THE FIRST LINE CAREFULLY.
>
> If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
>
> Happy moments, praise God.
>
> Difficult moments, seek God.
>
> Quiet moments, worship God.
>
> Painful moments, trust God.
>
> Every moment, thank God.
>
> =================
>>
>> Potato Chips
>> >
>> >A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a
>> >long trip to where God lived, so he packed his
>> >suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack
>> >of root beer and started his journey.
>> >
>> >When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old
>> >woman. She was sitting in the park, just staring at
>> >some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and
>> >opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink
>> >from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady
>> >looked hungry, so he offered her some chips. She
>> >gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.
>> >
>> >Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see
>> >it again, so he offered her a root beer. Again, she
>> >smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there
>> >all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never
>> >said a word.
>> >
>> >As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired
>> >he was and he got up to leave; but before he had
>> >gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran
>> >back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave
>> >him her biggest smile ever.
>> >
>> >When the boy opened the door to his own house a
>> >short time later, his mother was surprised by the
>> >look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did
>> >you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I
>> >had lunch with God." But before his mother could
>> >respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the
>> >most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
>> >
>> >Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy,
>> >returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the
>> >look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother,
>> >what did you do today that made you so happy?" She
>> >replied! "I ate potato chips in the park with God."
>> >However, before her son responded, she added, "You
>> >know, he's much younger than I expected."
>> >
>> >Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a
>> >smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest
>> >compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of
>> >which have the potential to turn a life around.
>> >People come into our lives for a reason, a season,
>> >or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!
>> >
>> >Have lunch with God.......bring chips.