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Dear Abby's Mommy,
I am so sorry for your pain and tears on this Christmas Day. I am glad your husband was able to hold you and confort you. It must be hard to have another dog in the house and that may have added to the pain. We all missed our little Chili Bean and the others that went before her. My Snookie is so very sick and the tears have been many in our house too.
Love, Ann

I did okay today until early evening, it had been a quiet day around here, but I could feel it building up, I went into my room and held Mooses ashes I held his favorite bear, I could still smell him on it, and I took his favorite squeaky ball and I squeezed it to hear that familiar noise, it just broke my heart, I cried a bucket of tears. I felt like I just needed to release what I have been pushing at bay. I sure miss my boy, so deep in my soul. And to top it off I have a so called friend that tells me "get over it it was just a dog, get a job, quit morning over him" I dont give this person much credit as I have seen how he treated his mother in her finial days, but still, words can be so cruel, it sure did'nt help me cope, I thought I was doing okay till he opened his mouth and a bunch of ugly stuff poured out of it....some people ! I am glad this Christmas season is over, it has been an emotional one. My son's birthday is Christmas day, but we were unable to spend this season together. Pamela

Hi all

Well give yourselves credit for seeing through the day

Evenings are allways the worst especailly if you had a little drink with lunch

Now give yourselves a pat on the back for all the hours that you managed to give to your families.

And Pamela i think that what you must realise is that there is a reason your friend is so uncaring, maybe he didnt get much love as a child and therefore doesnt understand or know how to show love himeself

WELL DONE

i am proud of you and i know that your babies played a big part in helping you through the day and after all that effort the storm brewing bellow just has to be realesed and thats great too.

Love Sue

Dear Abby's mom-

I remember the 4 week anniversary of Shiloh's passing as being very difficult. I don't know what it is about 4 weeks, but I remember other members here saying the same thing. Shiloh's been gone for a little over 3 months and yesterday was still extremely difficult. I think coupling Christmas and the 4 week anniversary of Abby's passing probably made for a very sad time. I'm glad that your daughter and her partner were there to help ease the pain for you and your husband.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Dear Abby's Mommy -

I am so sorry that you and your husband had such a hard time. I am glad you were there for each other (and your daughter/partner, son/wife too.)

I had to go to my in-laws Christmas Eve for dinner (and Sue, I purposely had NO WINE with dinner because I felt there was a possibility of feeling worse if I did ) and held up OK there......When I got home, it was like a flood. I feel like there is nothing left inside me. I can't look into the yard where Rusty is buried. When I stand in my pantry (which looks out into the yard), I never look in the direction of where he is. Can't even go out there with our dog. I just open the door and let her out by herself.

I feel like I'm letting everyone down, just moping around. I want to be happy for my husband and son but just can't seem to do it. This is so very difficult.....I feel like you, not knowing how to live in this life without my Rusty. He was always with us.

I don't know what else to say...........I really feel for everyone and the pain you're all going through.

Love,

Lynn

Dear Abby's Mom

I, like you, had done well all day I thought. Family Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day at my mom's house, all very happy and I was doing well.

Then came time to come home. All the way back in the car I felt like I was driving back into some great deep black pit of despair, it was almost tangibly there in front of me. All I could see in my mind was my little Ellie and the way she used to curl her little back to greet me when I came through the front door. I had this image all the way home with an overwhelming sense of gloom and doom, knowing that when I opened the door she wouldn't be there. It was like my soul was being sucked out of my body, or that I was in some vast dark cavern and everything was being sucked out of me and there was nothing left.

Pamela, your words rung so true for me. I had a similar experience on Christmas Eve. I felt I was doing okay until I called my son in the evening. He has a lot of (mental type) problems and part of it surfaces by way of him saying really mean and hurtful things sometimes. I called him to wish him a very happy christmas and I was going to go on and ask him if he was going to be able to get to my mom's house for Christmas dinner, as it would be lovely if he could. I didn't get that bit out. I got as far as, Hello Darling, I'm calling to wish you a wonderful Christmas, when he just cut me dead and said he was in the middle of doing the dishes and hung up the phone. He didn't speak to me at all. I didn't see him over Christmas at all. I didn't even get a card from him, nor did any of the rest of my family ... who are lovely thank goodness.

It sounds so silly, but I just burst into tears. I felt so hurt, so alone, so uncared about. It's at those sort of times I would normally have picked up Ellie and given her a big hug and everything would have been fine again.

It seems to be a difficult time of year ... I suppose because it is supposed to be a happy time, whereas inside us all is this deep sadness which can be triggered in an instance, by a memory , or an unkind word, or a longing to have our baby back again.

(Sorry for rambling ... it's just that everything that Abby's Mom and Lynn and Pamela have said rings so very true for me tonight.)

My thoughts are with you all.
jilly