My heart is absolutely broken. Spot was my very first pet when I got out on my own. It has always been him and me against the world. I use to tell my friends that Spot was my reason for living and they in turn use to tease me that he was the only co-dependent cat to ever live. I always knew that I was going to take his death hard - I use to tell my friends that they don't want to be on the same planet as me when this cat dies. I honestly feel like my heart went with him. What do you do when the one thing you have ever loved dies?

I am so sorry to hear about Spot. I understand your feelings completely. It is a long painful journey, but somehow you will survive. Please keep coming here, reading and tell us more about your precious kitty. This is a beginning. I imagine right now you are feeling sort of numb and maybe it doesn't seem quite real yet? We will be here to help you through your devastating loss.
Love,
Marcia

I'm very sorry for your loss. You and Spot had nineteen years together and losing him has left a huge void in your heart. Allow yourself to cry the healing tears...life without him will be very different and this is not something that you'll get over in a few days.

All of us here at LS understand and share your pain. Tell us more about your life with Spot. Talking with those of us who truly understand what you are going through will help you immensely.

__Jim

Hi:

Please accept my condolences on the passing of your beloved furbaby Spot!!

You will find soooooooo much love, comfort and hugs from everyone here at Lightning-Strike..... It is very difficult, and
I am sorry that you have to go through this pain!!

Right now, I'm sure that you are in a state of shock, and feel that this isn't happening.... What I did after our Ernestine
was put to sleep in February, 2004.............
I was sooooo grateful to find this site about 14 hours after..........
And, I just needed to stay here.

What helped me, and countless others here is to read posts from different members............Follow their JOURNEY'S.....
from the beginning, to their most recent post.

That's how "I learned" what to expect......... How to get through this......

As Jim said, "Allow yourself to cry the healing tears......"
Those tears will help you in the healing process.

Have you heard about "Rainbow's Bridge"????
After our furbabies have passed on, there is a place in Heaven called "Rainbow's Bridge" ...............and, right after our babies have passed..........their souls go right to the Bridge........

Our furkids are up there, all together, and their sweet bodies are full and whole again...........Just like you remember
when your precious Spot was in his prime.....

After some time, you will hopefully find some comfort in that...........knowing that your sweet baby is up at Rainbow's
Bridge..........and, they're all running through the grassy meadows, chasing one another, and catching butterflies on
their nose..

I will say a prayer to my girl that she greet your precious boy, Spot, and "show him the ropes".....

Some other things that might help you is to "journal write".......... I used to do that when I was younger, and it was helpful for different things.......but, instead of that, I came here & typed "my journal for all to read".....
I needed to do that....

Your sweet Spot will always & forever be in your heart, soul and mind..........

When you love so deeply, such as how you & Spot felt about one another, A BOND THAT STRONG CAN NEVER, EVER BE
BROKEN!!!!!

Please, keep coming her to LS, and writing............. Let us all know about your darling Spot....

We are all here to help you....

God Bless You!!!

Love, Denise

My sincere sympathy to you on the loss of your beloved Spot. Believe that everyone here knows what you are going through. It is a very difficult and long journey. Although you are devastated, you will get through this...........with the help of the wonderful people at Lightning Strike.

Love,

Lynn

Yes, the feeling like part of your body has been ripped from you, and you cant put it back, 19yrs is a long time, it helped me alot to read about the stages of grief and they pretty much discribe the journey. So I started coming here after Moose was hit by a car and I cried and typed and cried and cried and typed somemore, I was responded to by people who knew exactly how I was feeling and helped walk me through it. I can tell you that in the beginning is the shock of it all, then it starts settling in and that is the part of the journey that has been the hardest for me, ....getting used to not living my life with MY Moose. So I am here, and I cant beleive I am doing better, and you will too, it is just something that you have to go through cause there is no way around it. So come here, type your feelings, read the responses, and like Muffins said, it helps to read other people journeys through thier pain. the one common factor we all have here is we have lost or are in the process of losing something we love with all our hearts, we are the special people ya know? We have the capibility of loving our animals so deeply, not everyone has that gift. I have come to beleive that nothing happens by chance, we we're assigned our little ones to care for and teach us, they will always be part of what we are, even until the end of time. Pamela

I'm so sorry about Spot.

I think all of us came to Lightning Strike with the same questions and feelings that you're having. Whether you have a furbaby for 19 years, 5 years, or less than a year, the pain, the grief, the feeling of loss is so great. We can all relate to the void that you have right now. Keep coming here, keep sharing...the folks here will give you words of advice, comfort, and understanding.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

Your heart is broken for your dearest Spot, your dear and faithful companion of so many years. It is so heartbreaking to lose the one you love so very much and I sympathise so very much with the awful pain that you must be feeling at the moment.

So many wise words have already been written that I cannot add more. I can only say that I came to this site 48 hours after my little Ellie was struck down by a car and that this site has been a lifeline to me ... it is the one place I can come where people truly understand what I am feeling, where I know I am among people who understand the depth of my pain.

When the feelings are overwhelming come here and be among friends who truly understand and empathise with what you are going through.

My thoughts are with you tonight and with your precious Spot.

With love
jilly

My Spotties was the best cat that ever lived. All my friends couldn't believe how devoted he was to me and I to him. He was the first thing I looked for in the morning and the last thing I needed at night. As long as he was lying beside me on my pillow - I knew I had a good day. Since the moment I got him, he had to sleep on my pillow right next to my face. If I were to turn over, he would literally wake-up step over my head and plop himself right down. It was like, as long he saw my face - things were alright with him. Spotties came into my life as soon as he was weaned from his mom - we've been partners in life ever since. He was my little feline soulmate. He was so tiny when I got him he literally fit in the palm of my hand. He was so cute and yet so darn goofy looking. He was 1/2 Siamese and 1/2 neighborhood cat - so, here he was this little itty-bitty kitty with these huge gigantic ears. I swear 1/2 of him was his ears alone. He grew into the most beautiful big black sleek cat with the prettiest golden yellow eyes. When he would look at me, he would have this big 'ole mushy look in his eyes that seemed to say: "I just love you so much and you are the greatest two legged person ever." He also always had to touching me in someway. If he wasn't sitting in my lap he was laying next to me with some part of him touching me. If I got up to leave the room for even a second, he was literally right behind me. It was like he couldn't bare me being out of his sight. It had been this way for 19 years and now he's gone. I've had alot of tragedies in my life like most people, but nothing has even come close to breaking my heart and wounding my soul as Spotties death.

Thank you for telling us about your dear Spot. What a wonderful and very special cat he was and how very much he loved you too ... a real soulmate.

I had never realised what a special bond there could be with a cat until last year. I had always had dogs who are so wonderful and bond so closely and then I had my dear cat Tiggy for 11 years and loved her to bits but I found her as a stray when she was 1 or 2 years old, and she was always very aloof and independent and there was never that special bond that you had with your precious Spot which you have described so clearly and so poigantly,

I only found out how close a bond could be with a cat when I got my little Ellie last year. Maybe it's something to do with having her from very young. She was only four weeks old when she was found in a hedgerow in a busy London Street. She wasn't even weened and couldn't even go to the toilet by herself without help. (Mommy cats lick their kittens to help them.) I had to syringe feed her for the first few weeks. She was so tiny and would lie on her back in the palm of one hand while I fed her with special milk. She never grew out of this and continued throughout her life to lie on her back in my arms just like a baby.

She seemed to think I was her Mommy and would never let me out of her sight for one second. She would follow me everywhere until she was so tired that she could scarcely drag herself about. (Kittens are supposed to sleep for 16 hours a day.) In the end I devised a solution and I used to carry her about on my back all day in the hood of a zip up jacket I had. She slept for hours on end in my hood while I got on with what I needed to do. At night she slept next to my pillow with her nose right up against my face and her little paw resting on my neck. If I turned over she would come round to the other side so that she could be close to my face again. She would wake me in the morning to be fed by licking my nose.

This continued throughout her whole life ... she would never let me out of her sight for an instance. She would talk to me all day long ... sounds silly I know, but she would continually ask me for things. She would jump on the top of the bannisters each morning and meoux and look at me and then look up at the attic door. This was the signal that I was to pull down the attic ladder so that she could go up and play in the cobwebs in the attic. All day she talked to me; if I was very busy and didn't respond instantly she would jump up and get as close to my face as she possibly could and then do a piteous meoux which would end in her quivering her bottom lip at me just to make sure that I got the message. She would constantly jump up to my face and rub the side of her face on my cheek and purr, or make me bend down so she could do it. So you can see, that I too, found what a very special bond there can be with a cat.

It is 3 weeks today that she was struck down by a car and died. She was just 15 months old. I know I didn't have her for very long but to me she was the most precious thing in my world. I feel so much for you because you have had Spot for 19 years. You can probably barely remember what it is like for him not to be there. I feel so sad for you and please know that I am thinking of you so very much.

I can imagine the level of pain that you are feeling at the moment. I too have had many tradgedies in my life as I am sure we all have, and I compare the pain of losing my Ellie to the same sort of pain I felt when I lost my husband. It may sound wicked to say it, but to me the pain is on the same sort of level and just as intense, it is not any the less just because Ellie was a cat and not a human.

My thoughts and love are with you at this time.

jilly

Dear Jilly and BelovedSpottie's Mom -

What wonderful kitties to have had in your lives. They and you were blessed to have shared those strong bonds.

My Rusty was alot like a dog or cat who loved to sit next to his family. I could never walk into our TV room without Rusty hopping over to sit right in my lap, whether it was on the couch or floor. He was right there, just soaking up all of the pets and kisses bestowed upon him. He'd grind his teeth the whole time (a bunny "happy sign" much like a cat's purring.) Like I said in a previous post, he'd never "hop" away first.............He'd sit there all day next to us if he could. His bond to me was certainly proven the last day of his life when he "waited " for me to come home from work to say good-bye.

Jilly - I lost my dad in December of 1991 and I have said the same thing to my husband.....Although it sounds, as you said - "wicked", my feelings of grief over his loss were not any stronger than the ones I am feeling now over my Rusty and I ADORED my dad.

Pamela - Your feelings about us having the capability of loving animals so deeply and that everyone does not have that gift... I feel the same way and try to focus on that. It we didn't love our furry friends so much we certainly wouldn't be feeling this intense pain when we lose them. So we have to believe that the pain is the price we pay to have our friends in our lives...It is worth it. The people who do not feel as we do are missing out on alot of happiness.

Love,

Lynn

Spot would 'talk' constantly. After 19 years I could tell by the sound of his meow exactly what he wanted, whether it was his meow for just water, food, affection, or his favorite - a loud plaintiff meow when he decided it was time for us to go to bed ( he wouldn't go sleep on the bed unless I was there). I used to tell him to stop yelling at me (of course I secretly loved it). AND God forbid if I dared go behind a closed door (there was hell to pay for that infraction) - for 19 years I had to go to the bathroom with the door open. Over the years I've had friends come visit. Every single one of them told me that 1/2 hr before I was due home, Spotties would go sit by the door ( I don't have a 9 -5 job so I could never figure out how he knew when I was coming). He was also very un-catlike. He wasn't very agile (heck he was clumsy. He really did have 4-left paws). My friends use to joke that he thought he was a person. I was born into this world without a family of my own. Spotties was the one thing in my life that was there the longest. He WAS my family. I've had pets over the years that I have loved very much and I know you are not suppose to favor one above the others, but Spot was IT for me. He was my heart. He really was my little soulmate. I am beyond grief stricken.

Dear Spottie's Mom, Lynn, Pamela and everyone,
I'm beginning to realise that perhaps we have all been drawn to this site because we have all had the blessing of having had such exceptional little furbabies. Each and everyone of them has had such special qualities and love for us, over and above what we normally hope for in our babies. I am sure that is why our pain is so great.

I am trying to see it now as a gift and a blessing, even through the pain.

There is a poem, which a friend gave me today. Although it seems to have been adapted for me and my little female cat, please read it as if for your own baby. Male, female, dog, cat, rabbit. It applies to all our babies.

The final line says it all really.

"And when our faithful bundle departs this world of strife,
We'll fall down on our knees with thanks, Lord, that you let her grace our life."

Here's the poem

Lord, Lend Me a Kitty

I will lend to you awhile, a Kitty, the good Lord said,
For you to love her while she lives, and mourn her when she's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and should her stay be brief,
You'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below I want this Kit to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true,
And from the folk that crowd life's land, I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to take, your Kitty back again?

I fancied that I heard you say, "Dear Lord, Thy Will Be Done,"
For all the joys this Kitty brings, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness; we'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call her back, Lord, much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love, we've managed, your wishes to achieve,
The memory of the her, we loved, will help us while we grieve,

And when our faithful bundle departs this world of strife,
We'll fall down on our knees with thanks, Lord, that you let her grace our life.

-- Author unknown

Dear Spotties Mom, Your Spottie was a true blessing to you, and will be waiting faithfully for you at Rainbows Bridge along with all our other precious babies.

Bless you tonight and please know that you are not alone.

With love
jilly

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Spotties, he had a wonderful life with you and he sounds like he loved you just as much as you loved him. I love how your boyfriend called him Spot-the-wannabe-dog. Please come and talk often tell us more about Spot, I agree with all the wonderful advice that everyone has given. Sometimes those tears just have to flow.
Ann