Hannah
July 22, 1988 - April 19, 2004

My dear sweet little Hannah,
I miss you so little girl. I think about you all the time and wish so much I could see you again and hold you and have a big Hannah kiss and hug. Those Hannah kisses and hugs -- they were the best!

Eight long months since you've been gone. I don't really know how I've made it here without you. I'm so sorry little one that I felt I had to let/help you go. I hope you forgive me. I pray that what I did was really right for you. I wanted to have you here with me always. I didn't want to ever let you go. Please know Hannah Anna, you will never, ever be replaced in any way. You are my child -- my only child. Maggie and Sophie are good and nice, but I am their "Aunt Marcia." You Hannah, my only girl. I love you, tiny mouse.

I Wish I Could Go Back
I wish I could go back -- Back to the days when you were here.
Back to the days with you.
Mommy

A Prayer I wrote on July 29, 2004:

Oh Dear Lord,

Please help me not to hurt so much, not to miss my little Hannah so much and feel so much guilt. Help me Lord, so that I may move forward and find whatever your purpose is for me in this world. Dear Lord, give me the strength to do what I need to do.

Lord, it has been almost 14 weeks now since I had my little Hannah girl put to sleep. Lord, at first, all I could do was look at all of the pictures I have of her. I carried them with me almost everywhere I went, for fear that something would happen to them. I showed her precious little pictures to anyone and everyone who would take the time to look. Now, Lord, it has been probably at least a month, and I have not been able to look at those photo albums. I had to move her 8x10 from my bedside, because it hurt me so to wake up and see her picture first thing.

I moved it into the dining room, and now everytime I pass by, it just breaks my heart still. I miss her so. Sometimes I pick her picture up and hold it tightly to my heart, as I held her so many times. I give the picture a great big kiss, as I kissed her so many time.

But Lord, it hurts. I cry. I miss her so. I long to hold her again.
Help me Lord to remember the love we shared, the love I gave her and the love she gave me. Help me to be able to smile when I think of my precious little Hannah. Help me to be able to love again, as she would want me to -- as I would want her if she were still here and I were gone. Help me Lord to honor her and little Babe and you, Lord, and all your creations.

Help me Lord to let my little girl go, but to always keep her in my heart with joy and happiness and memories of a wonderful love and friendship. Help me to honor her and help me to stop grieving so for her loss, and to remember what a unique love Hannah and I shared. She was my friend, my little girl, my baby, my love, my child.

Amen.

A Poem I wrote on
Sunday, June 27, 2004

Your absence roars in my ears like wind through the trees
It roars in my brain
Streams through my heart, my soul, my mind.
Your absence deafens me, blinds me,
It screams from the walls, the floors, our bed,
your small frame once such a part of this place
I used to call home.
Your absence felt everywhere, seen everywhere.
In the silence of the night,
In the sound of the air conditioner
In the stillness of the room.
No sound of you, no sight of you.
Your absence fills my heart with emptiness.
I cannot let go, but you are gone.
Oh your absence leaves me so alone.
How can your absence permeate my world.
How can the lack of someone fill this place,
my heart so full of emptiness and utter desolation?

I wrote this one on May 4, 2004

Little fragile girl you
Little fragile girl, me.
Little life so fragile,
Little life too short.
Little fragile mind, mine.
Unbreakable love,
Yours and mine.

I LOVE YOU MY ANGEL BABY!

Dearest "Angel" Marcia:

THANK YOU FOR LETTING "ME IN", and reading your poems that you wrote, and your letter to "Our Sweet Hannah Girl".......

Your letter to Hannah is soooooooooo heartfelt, and I absolutely LOVED the poems that you wrote.... Thank you for sharing...............

Eight months.........WOW!!!! Sounds like a long time, doesn't it..........but, it feels like yesterday....I know!!

Sometimes it's really, really very, very HARD TO REALIZE..............but, you did the very, very best for your sweet Hannah Girl, Marcia.............by letting her go to Rainbow's Bridge.............

Into the very loving arms of St. Francis........

You gave her a very special gift, Marcia..............
And, I am sure that it was the very HARDEST THING THAT YOU HAVE EVER DONE!!!!!!

I KNOW THAT ------- WE ALL UNDERSTAND "THAT GIFT".........

To think more of our special furbabies, and their health and welfare, than we do OURSELVES!!!!!!

To have the courage to let sweet Hannah go to Heaven..It will ALWAYS BE a gift to your sweet girl, like no other!!!!

Your sweet Hannah Girl ................SHE LOOKS DOWN FROM HEAVEN TO HER MOMMY WITH SUCH LOVE!!!! And, she is never, ever far away from you, Marcia..........

I know that "from waaaaayyyyyyy back when", I had asked you if it was okay to call her, "Our Sweet Miss Hannah Girl", and you told me that it was okay.............

I felt as if I HAD ALWAYS KNOWN HER..............THAT I HAD FELT HER............I felt her sweet wet nose....

Right now...........Ms. Lucy just jumped up behind the computer............I think she knows that I am on LS...... I try and "tell her that 'here, we are all a family.............We all comfort and love one another'............
Truthfully, I think she understands............
I'm sure that someone from a psychiatric Hospital would admit me, if they heard me say that...........But, we all know that "it's the truth!!!"

You know I love you Marcia ..........

God Bless You Always...........

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xoxo

Dear Marcia,
If I were there with you I would give you a hug, a shoulder to cry upon, then brush away your tears. I am so sorry for the empitness you have had for eight months. Thanks for letting us see into your heart with the poems and the prayer. You have brought me much comfort and I wish I could comfort you.
Love, Ann

Hi Marcia,

Have you checked your shoulders lately to see if you have wings? Everything about you makes me think: ANGEL. You are one special lady and you have helped so many of us while at the same time dealing with your own grief over the loss of your sweet little BabyHannah.

Your tributes, poems, and prayers to your BabyHannah are beautiful and I thank you for sharing them with us. Whether you realize it or not, you have been and continue to be an inspiration to us all.

God Bless You,
__Jim

See "Angel" Marcia:

It's not only meeeeeeeeeee who thinks you are an Angel!!!!!!!!

It was wonderful speaking with you tonight, and I look very much forward to our next conversation!!!!!

Love you much!!!!

Denise xoxo

Dear Marcia,

Your poems to sweet Hannah and prayers................so BEAUTIFUL. What a wonderful mom you were to her. I can hardly see the screen through my tears. Someday, when I get my thoughts together, I hope to post a tribute as beautiful as yours for Hannah for my beloved Rusty.

Lynn

XXOO

Hi Marcia,

Eight months. Wow. I remember when I first met you here it was only about six weeks for you. You have helped me so much during my time here. I often think of you and wonder how you are doing.

I'm so glad that your furbabies are giving you some joy. Hannah is happy to see that.

We miss our furbabies so deeply and terribly. Time makes it all bearable, but the hurt doesn't stop.

I'm thinking of you - Steph

My dear friends,
Thanks so much for your kindness and all the comfort and support you have given me through these long months without my girl. It means more to me than you will ever know. I am very glad to know I have been a source of comfort to ya'll as well. Jim and Denise, thank you both. It makes me happy to hear you think of me as an angel.
You're all in my thoughts and prayers.
I love ya'll.
Marcia

Dearest Baby Hannah's mommy,

Your little baby is so beautiful, as is your love for her. Reading your tribute tonight puts such a feeling of love into my heart and has helped me to counteract the overwhelming feeling of grief that I'm feeling tonight. Love seems to displace grief, so when I read of your great love for your precious baby my heart feels full again.

I am sure that love has no boundaries and that all your feelings of love for your sweet baby reach out to her and envelope her in her heavenly home where she waits for her mommy.

Sometimes I imagine all our little babies together at rainbows bridge. I see all their little smiling faces and that they are happy because they know that all their mommys and daddys are comforting each other and one day we will all be together again.

Many blessings to you and to your beautiful baby Hannah.
With love
jilly

Dear Marcia,

What beautiful poems and what a beautiful, sweet Hannah.

I agree with Denise and Jim. Your words and your poems have brought me so much comfort. You are an angel, Marcia.

Thank you for helping grieve my baby Shiloh.
Love,
Kathleen

Thank you both so much, Jilly and Kathleen. Love does seem to displace grief. I am glad to know I have helped each of you. You have both been so supportive and kind to me and helped pick me up when I was down.
Love,
Marcia