Hi,
I am new here. I came yesterday for the first time and just looked around. I had to put my 17 (almost 18) year old cat, Whiskers down on the 16th and I have not been able to stop crying since. I feel so guilty. And nobody seems to understand...I have read a few threads here and I am hopeful, confident, that someone here will relate...not that I would wih that upon anyone, I feel so sh!tty.
Whiskers had (perhaps a stroke?) on the 11th, I had no idea how serious it was. I took her to the vet (I thought she had somehow broken her foot because she suddenly could barely walk), and they did some blood tests. They also wanted a urine sample. I was too lazy to try to get it from her at home, so I brought her into the vet's office on the 15th to get it - it ended up being about 4 hours for her there, caged up, terrified, on what I didn't know was the last night of her life.
She got much worse overnight, and was obviously suffering. I called the vet in the morning, and she suggested euthanasia - but could not come to my home until friday. I did not want it done in the clinic - I called the mobile clinic out to my home. The vet said since she has heart disease and failing kidneys, I could try to give her the two medicines, and force feed her, but she may not hold it down...or I could put her down now, but if not, no painkiller because of her kidneys. She did not sleep, eat, speak or barely purr in her last days, and I wonder if she could even hear me or knew if I was there.
The worst part is when the vet put her down, she gave her a sedative first, it was supposed to relax her, and make her feel good, take her pain away, so she could just shut her eyes and go out quietly, peacefully....but she had a bad reaction to it, it gave her a heart attack and she threw up, and her last moment looked terrifyingly painful...
I feel so guilty...maybe I should have tried to nurse her through this...I should have at least done the urine sample at home.
I miss my sweet little cat, I keep thinking I hear her jumping off the toilet, purring in my bed...the house seems so empty...I have been crying since the 15th, pretty much non-stop. I've even woke up from my sleep -when I COULD sleep- crying. Everyone probably just thinks I'm a nutcase, they seem to be thinking "it was just an ugly old cat, get over it." Especially those who have never had a pet...
This best friend of mine slept in my bed for 17 years. I just can't believe she is gone. I was 7 years old when I got her. She was with me through so much...such a sweet, sweet cat. I can't believe this had to happen so close to Christmas. I wonder if Christmas will forever depress me now.
One thing that did make me feel a tiny bit better was the link here to the poems. One of the poems in particular, about pain keeping me from my sleep. Reading it makes me feel less guilty, because she did not sleep that last day(s?). Coming here and reading about others similar pain, and experiences at this time has helped too. I'm sorry that I have not posted any replies yet, I am just too much of a basket case right now...I read the posts and I just start bawling...it's hard to explain, it's like reading them makes me feel better, but it also reminds me of my own pain. I promise in time I will contribute.
I wish I could share a photo of Whiskers. I will try to do that soon. I like seeing all your pets photos (as much as it makes me cry too).
Aaaaah....this hurts so much. When will the crying stop??? I've been out to some stores since, and I'll be fine for a while, then I will think about her and just burst out crying right there.
I have a three year old, and I am trying not to let him see me cry, but it's hard to stop crying. He asked me, "What's wrong?" yesterday, and I said "Nothing, I'm okay". I know that was a mistake, but I was crying so hard he wouldn't have understood anything else I tried to say. What should I tell him? My Mom says to tell him I am sad because Whiskers is gone to where Didi (her dog that passed away in Feb 04) is. I think I will if he asks again, but would appreciate any feedback at all.
I hope that I have not welled up any bad feelings or reminders of sadness or guilt for anyone else reading this. I will come check back soon, Thank You to anyone who reads or replies, even if nobody does, I amost feel a bit better having typed this all out, and having this space to post it. Thank you.
I feel mostly numb when I am not crying, my face looks terrible, I have been through some painful times in my life but I don't ever remember crying this much.

In memory of Whiskers
My sweet sweet angel
May 1987 - Dec 16 2004

...I miss you...

Kat, I'm so sorry to hear you lost your cat Whiskers. You must miss her a lot.

Others in "the real world" may think you're a "nut case", but I think almost everyone here has been where you are now, and understands the pain of losing a beloved family member. Remember that we're all human, and maybe we don't do everything perfectly, but you tried to do what was best for Whiskers, and that is what is important. She knows that...her pain is gone now. I too come here often just to read; the tears come, but somehow they don't hurt. Just knowing for a while that there are others who love their furry family members as much as I loved mine gives me enough hope to go on a while longer. Christmas is always going to be hard without them. Like the other members of our families, we expect them to be with us at those times of celebration. Since Christmas will be your first "first" without her, it's going to be hard to get through it. I do recommend you be honest with your three year old. "I'm crying because I really miss Whiskers" is probably all it'll take to satisfy the curiosity; telling children that nothing is wrong when it obviously is (and they know there is) doesn't IMHO give them the right message about grief...that it's OK to grieve for those we loved, and it's even OK to show it.

Wishing you were having a better Christmastime and thinking of you,

Dear Kat,
I am so so sorry to hear about Whiskers and all you had to go through. We can all relate, I promise. We know how devastating losing your child Whiskers is.

I had my little girl Hannah, a 7 pound little Yorkie-Poo put to sleep on April 19, 2004. Hannah would have been 16 on July 22, 2004. She was my child, my best friend, my heart, and I miss her still with all my heart and soul. Hannah's euthanasia was very bad too. She screamed - that's the only way I can describe it -- when they tried to put the catheter in her tiny little leg. Then the vet said he would give her a shot to relax her too (which totally knocked her out), and again, she screamed and tried to jump out of my arms. Then, she went to sleep, and then he gave her the shot. It was AWFUL. So I can imagine what you felt like with Whiskers.

I was and still am sometimes haunted by those memories. But a friend of mine told me something that helped: she said you had 16 wonderful, happy years with Hannah and you loved each other and took good care of each other. Please don't let the horror of those last minutes overshadow that. So, Kat, although I understand it was totally traumatic, that is one of the things I believe you must try not to focus on because it is only painful and won't do you or Whiskers or anyone any good. (Ha! Read some of my older posts and you'll see I haven't been so good at following my own advice!)

About your 3-year old, yes for sure, be honest. I've read several books about it and that is something 100% to do. I will try to locate one particular bit of advice I read about. Right now I can't remember where I saw it.

And Kat, please try not to feel guilty. Almost all of us have "been there," some of us more so. It's a normal feeling no matter how our companion animals die. Please read some of the posts here about that. You did everything you could for Whiskers. You did what was best for Whiskers. She does know that. You and she loved each other for a very long time and you were a good mom to her. She was really, really sick, and you were there with her, and she knew that. I also chose not to keep putting Hannah on more medicines, trying things, and I opted to not have dental surgery on her. I did not want her to suffer anymore. Believe me, when it was all over with, I think I would have done anything to have her back, but I couldn't. I know one thing for sure: I did what I did because I loved my little Hannah girl more than anything. I would never in the world have done anything to hurt her, and I know it is the same with you.

Christmas -- well, it's going to be hard for you. It's going to be hard for all of us. You just take care of yourself and of your baby. Do the best you can -- that's all you can do. I am sad to hear that you, like many of us, find ourselves among people in our daily lives who do not understand. I hope and pray that you and the rest of us will be able to surround ourselves with some loved ones and that, at least in the spirit of Christmas, they will accept and acknowledge our enormous sorrow about not having our "babies" with us to celebrate this year.

You are never a burden here. The people here are incredibly kind, compassionate and caring. So keep coming here and posting and reading the older threads.

Take care, Kat.
Love,
Marcia

I am sorry you have to go thru this, I know the pain also. I can say to you it helps to come here and post. We love our furbabies so much and have lost or are losing them, we come here and share our stories, feelings, and help each other cope as best we can. Thinking of you. Pamela

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your sweet Whiskers and that her end was so hard. I am sure you did the best you could for her. Your story shows that you loved her very much and I think you are normal in the fact you are crying most of the time.

I cryed almost non stop the first week when we lost our Chili Bean she was a sweet chihuahua. I too would burst out crying when I went somewhere. It will get easier as time goes by I don't know as it will ever stop hurting altogether.. It has only been 5 weeks for me, plus my beloved miniature schnauzer Snookie is sick and dieing and I have lived through that for 10 long painful months. I just got her out of the hospital Saturday.

I agree with the others and your mom you should be honest with your son. I have raised 4 children and from the time they were old enough to ask questions I was always honest with them. After the were grown they said they were glad they were always able to trust me to tell them the truth even when things were painful.

You need not worry that we wont understand how you feel, we know how painful it is. A lot of us know that even family members sometimes just don't understand how distraught and sad we feel losing our babies. You can trust us to be able to share your pain and cry with you. Please write often and tell us all about your Whiskers.
Ann

Hi Kat,

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. Talking about your feelings with those of us who truly understand what you are going through will help you greatly. Your grief over losing Whiskers is very real so don't let anyone undermine it. You have every right to grieve over her and the pain you are feeling is perfectly normal, especially when you consider how long she was a part of your life and how much you loved her.

Your life without her will be very different and it will take a long time to adjust to not having her. All of us here fully understand and share your pain and we'll be here to listen whenever you need to talk.

Take care,
__Jim

Dear Kat,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Whiskers. Please believe that she knew how much you loved her.

This website has been a life-saver for me. The people here are incredible. They feel about animals as you do. Coming here to post or sometimes just to read will help you cope.

I don't talk about my Rusty to those who don't value animals as I do. Just come here.....everyone is on the same "level".

Love,

Lynn

Kat dear
I am so sorry about the loss of your precious Whiskers. I could feel the pain coming through with every word that you wrote. It is so desperately sad. I feel for you very much as I can imagine what you are going through after loosing a lifetime friend and companion. But I know what it feels like when the end is such a nightmare. It makes everything you are feeling so very much worse.

I too, had the same experience when my dear old cat Tiggy had to be put to sleep last year when she was ill with lymphosarcoma cancer. She was given a sedative injection the same as Whiskers, which was supposed to make her calm for the final injection. She was then put back in her cat carrier and I took her back into the waiting room to wait for the sedative to work before going in for the final injection. But she too started to violently throw up and go into spasms, but she was trapped in her cat carrier and couldn't stand up to be sick. I was desperately trying to open the cat box to get her out but by the time I did she had chocked on it all and was dead. It was a dreadful experience and I remember so much those feelings of guilt that her ending should be such an awful one when I had tried so hard to make it as peaceful and painfree as possible by paying to have the sedative first. It must have hurt her so much because she still had all the stitches along her abdomen from the previous week when they had unsuccessfully tried to remove part of the cancer.
They told me afterwards that I shouldn't have fed her in the 12 hours before the sedative and that is why it happened. But they didn't tell me until afterwards. How was I supposed to know that I shouldn't have fed her. It made me so angry on her behalf.

I know that for me that was the most painful thing of all, so please know Kat that I do understand what you say when you say it was the worst bit of all.

It is early days and you feel raw with the pain of loosing your beloved Whiskers and with her unhappy ending. It helped me to keep telling myself that Tiggy was at peace now. Yes, it happened that way, but its not happening now right this minute, I kept telling myself, now she is at peace and in no more pain. I don't know if that might help you a little bit too, Kat.

It is difficult times, but what I can say is that we are here for you. Come and talk to us about your dear Whiskers and how you are feeling and coping from day to day.

I lost my little Ellie 2 weeks ago, who I got her when Tiggy died. She was struck down by a car. She was only 15 months old and the love of my life. Now I try to picture them together at rainbows bridge.

So please know that there are people here who understand Kat. We know what you are going through.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.

With love jilly

Thank You Everyone for all your beautiful replies. It's impossible to find the right to words to tell you how much this is helping.
I am sorry about the delayed responses...It's just been hard. I have now sent each and everyone who replied a personal reply to your email. Please let me know if you did not recieve it. I'm still learning how to use this type of forum, I was clicking "back" after they were succesfully sent, so I hope you all got them.
It is so comforting to know that somewhere out there, someone understands!!!
I will be back,
You are all in my thoughts,
Thanks Again
Kat

In Loving Memory of Whiskers
My Sweet Sweet Sweeters
May 1987 - Dec 16 2004
***I miss you***

Precious, precious kitty Whiskers.

I love that photo of your baby.

What a sweet beautiful girl Whiskers was. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that your last few minutes with Whiskers was so tragic. Making the decision to put our furbabies down is difficult in and of itself, but when something goes wrong during euthanasia, it's even worse. I'm so so sorry.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

Bless you for your message Kat, and it arrived just fine thankyou.

My heart filled with love when I saw the beautiful picture of your precious and most beautiful Whiskers. He will never be forgotten Kat, he is now imprinted on the hearts of all of us. I'm sure all our babies can feel all the love that is coming from us to them. Love has no boundaries, and especially not between earth and heaven.

With love
jilly