It is really hard to have a happy holiday this year when we have all lost our precious children. I lost both my mom and dad a long time ago when I was in my 20s. My daddy died the day after Christmas in intensive care.

I never cared much for Christmas after that. It brought back so much sadness, and I missed them both so much. So, after I read so many of the posts here about how so many of you did so many wonderful things for their babies at Christmas with the presents and stockings and everything, I thought OMG, why didn't I do all of that for Hannah!? Then I remembered that was because I was always so sad at Christmas because of my daddy. Now, I am so sad that I didn't make it a special holiday for Hannah. It just breaks my heart!

I am going to try to do something that will be very difficult for me this year. I am planning to get a small tree and a stocking for Hannah and put Hannah's picture under the tree, maybe hang some paper ornaments (pictures of her) on it and decorate it in memory and honor of Hannah. But (this is the hard part) I am going to get stockings for Maggie and for my new kitty and a couple of presents for them too. I always meant to have Hannah's and my picture taken with Santa and to my great regret, I never did it. I cannot do that with Maggie. I just can't. But I am going to have a little Christmas for them, in Hannah's memory and because I can no longer do it for Hannah. This means I have learned something -- I do not want to create more regrets for myself so now I will do what I wish I had done for Hannah. And I will visit my girl's grave and take flowers to put on it. This will obviously not be easy, but I am going to try to do everything I wish I had done for Hannah for these two now BECAUSE if I could take it all back, I would do all of that and so much more for Hannah, but I can't. So this is all I can do. And I hope with all my heart, Hannah will be looking down on us and she will understand, she will know that I am doing this now because she taught me very important things and because I love and miss her so.

I hope this makes sense.
Marcia

Dear Marcia, It all makes perfect sense to me and as much as I did with my Chili Bean and Snookie I never had a picture of Santa done with them. My sister had her baby taken with him every year, along with the Easter Bunny. If Snookie gets well enought I just might have a picture of santa done with her. The tree, the pictures and stockings all sound so wonderful. I didn't put stockings up this year because of Chili Bean being gone, but it may be Snookie's last Christmas and it is Schnitzel's first. I guess after having read your desire I might put them up after all.
Love, Ann

Dear Marcia,

Your post makes perfect sense.

I am currently going through a "guilt phase", thinking I didn't spend enough time with Rusty. All he wanted to do was sit in my lap and be petted or brushed. I was always so busy with work, my son's after school stuff and our other animals (one of our other bunnies has trouble with his back and legs and requires a nightly bath. My husband bathes him and I dry him with the blow dryer and massage his legs, which takes awhile.) There just wasn't enough time in the day. Now I am regretting not making the time to sit with Rusty more. Sometimes, I'd be so tired at night that instead of stopping to sit with him, I'd pet him on the head and go right to bed.

Now I'm torturing myself thinking I could have made more time to spend with him, since that is what he enjoyed so much.

Please try not to do this to yourself. You really do remind me of myself, full of such regret. Hannah knew how much you loved her. She would want you to have stockings for Maggie and your new kitty.

Take care for now....

Lynn XXOO

I was in a pet store the other night when they made an announcement about having your pet's picture taken with Santa. That announcement caught me off guard because I remembered last year I thought "oh, I'll have Shiloh's picture taken with Santa next year." Little did I know that last year was my sweet Shiloh's last Christmas. Makes me cry just typing that. I have many regrets too.

But, the good news...I think your idea of dedicating this Christmas to Hannah is a wonderful idea. I think she'll be very touched.

Happy Holidays,
Kathleen

Marcia, it makes all the sense in the world. We're human and don't always do everything we'd like to do and mean to do. You've taken the lesson learned and are making things better for your other furry family members. What more can we ask of ourselves?

We've always had stockings for us and for the furries; little bitty ones that we hang on the tree, and bigger ones that get the Santa gifts. I hung Misty's little kitten stocking on the tree next to mine, with a picture ornament. I almost cry every time I look at the tree, but it also helps me remember the better times.

Marcia,
You may think baby hannah did not partake in xmas but I can assure you she did, not in the human sence but she was there with you. It was Christmas eve and she was there and Christmas Day she was there, and did she get any of those Christmas dinner leftovers? that in itself would have made her Christmas, she did'nt care if she had a stocking or got her pic taken with Santa, every day she had with you was her Christmas......Love.........a sister in grief..... Pamela

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. Yes, Rusty's Mom, I've had all of those thoughts you had mentioned too! Reminds me of the song, "Time In A Bottle."

I have put up a little tree on a table. Hannah's 8x10 picture is on the table along with her little blue and white sweater. I also bought a little bright tinsel tree, a couple of angels and a snowman and put them on her grave. I bought 4 candles (battery-lighted) that I am going to put on her grave Friday night: One candle for Hannah, one for all of your babies, one for my bird, Babe, and one for all the homeless and abused animals of this world -- just like in the Candlelight Ceremony.

I'll give Maggie and Sophie some Christmas treats and I am gathering some treats that I am planning on taking to at least one animal shelter for all the poor lonely little "kids" there.
Love you all,
Marcia