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I just found out about this website from a friend. I lost my Cairn Terrier of 16.5 years in August. We had to put him to sleep. My husband and I were there with him when he drew his last breath and I haven't been the same since. The grief I have felt from this is awful. I thought I was getting better, so I decided to adopt two cairn puppies from Col Potter Rescue. The first mistake was two, the second was I was not ready for them. We got them on 12/4/04 and by that Monday, I was having a total emotional breakdown. I couldn't do it, I wasn't ready, so I informed them we would be returning one of the puppies and my son would adopt the other. I don't know if I will ever want another dog. My Vince was my baby. We spent everyday together. I got up with him in the middle of the night the last few months of his life, and sometimes I was a little short with him out of fear, that I knew the end was nearing and I didn't want to accept that. I still feel guilty for putting him to sleep. Maybe we should have explored more options, maybe it wasn't time, why did I do it and I want him back and then I remember the life was gone from him. No tail wagging, no glad to see us. I want him back and healthy and I know that is stupid and isn't going to happen and that I need to accept what had to be done. I do, but when will the hurt and pain go away and this awful feeling of despair. We had him cremated and he is sitting on the entertainment center with a picture and angel. I sleep with his pictures under my pillow. I miss him so much. Am I a little crazy here????

Crazy? Not at all. After I lost MY Moose, I quit sleeping in my bedroom, dont want to ever again, he was my cuddle bug every night. I sleep on the couch and have for the last 2 months since it happened. I am moving from this rental as I dont want to be here anymore, for that matter I dont want to be in this town anymore, everything I did I did for Moose, he was my constant. I miss him so so much, I loved him with all my heart and soul.
I have closed my heart to getting another dog, but also I know that there are so many hurting needing love furbabies out there, so that feeling is "just for now" there are just to many hurting lonely little babies out there. But for now I will honor my boy because he owns me and my feelings. No one could come near me fur or human and Moose would get upset, even if I were having a conversation with a friend.
It is sad when we have to end thier life, and then the journey begins, the journey of grief, it is not a fun journey, it's an awful one and no way around it only thru it. But please dont shut yourself off to the ones in need, they wont replace the one we lost but to help them in life is a great honor. Pamela

Dear Bebe,

I'm so sorry you lost your little pal Vince. It sounds like you and Vince had 16.5 wonderful years. How lucky for both of you that you blessed each other's lives for that long!

You're not crazy at all. I lost Shiloh in September. I'm giving myself a year to grieve...I think that's natural for any lost family member. Shiloh was my pal, my companion...my best friend. I know exactly how you feel about wanting Vince back. I feel the same about Shiloh.

You've found a wonderful website for grieving your lost furbaby. Come here and share your thoughts, your sadnesses, etc. The folks here will comfort and embrace you.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

I am sorry for the loss of your sweet precious baby Vince. You were blessed with over 16 years and he still is in your heart and always will be. Maybe it just isn't time to love another baby yet or maybe you will never want one. Some people need to fill their life with love soon their baby is gone, others take longer, and for some they never take on another fur baby.

I was with Chili Bean our little chihuahua when she took her last breath too and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. She had asthma so bad she would cough with every step she took and her heart was bad, Cancer took her in the end. There was nothing that could be done for her but still the guilt is bad.

My Snookie has cancer and cushings disease I am so upset and worried and have been for the past 10 months. She has been failing more in the past month or two. The vet said she would not live past August but she is still with me and I treasure each moment with her. She needs out every half hour or so now most of the time and I get cranky having to take her out. I talked to the wonderul people on here and they caused me to see I am afraid of the end and they too got upset when it happened to them.

Come and write often and we will be there to help you through your pain. We have all been there and know how painful it is, let us help you.
Ann

Hi Bebe,

No, you're not crazy. Vincent was a huge part of your life for 16.5 years...I think you'd be crazy if you weren't feeling the way you do. It's been almost four months since I lost my little buddy and the pain is still with me and I guess it always will be to some degree.

I very sorry for your loss. We would all love to have our pets back, but only if they are happy, healthy, and young again. Only other pet-lovers can understand how much it hurts when we have to give them up.

From reading the many posts since I came here to LS, I've learned it doesn't really matter how the pet died....all of us try to find a way to blame ourselves for its death. We just can't seem to accept the fact that we've lost them after years of protecting them and caring for their every need. We must learn to let go, but we all know that's much easier said than done.

Please know I understand and share your pain. You're not alone. Come here and talk with us as much as you need to. It really helps to express your feelings to others who understand and care.

__Jim