Hi everyone. I was searching the internet for some pet loss support, and fortunately, I found you. I am so sad...my kittie is dead...she always used to sneak out when I let my dogs into the backyard, but she would stay put, and come in not long after she snuck out. The Tuesday after Thanksgiving, she snuck out without me even seeing her and I looked for her for so long...I looked at the shelter, looked at their DOA book, asked my neighbors..everything...every night I went out and called her name. This past Saturday I asked my husband to find something for me in our storage under the back deck...he came in and told me he found Sassi dead...I didn't see her but he said her eye was mauled and she had blood coming out of her mouth and her fur was quite ruffled....I feel so GUILTY!!! She got hurt and came home to die...I don't know how long she was there and I feel like I failed her...it is so sad, she was my baby girl. I have to let you know that I have lost my mother to cancer, and my father to suicide not long ago, so Sassi was very important to me...I can't sleep very well at night. Although I saved a cat from the animal shelter thinking Sassi would have a playmate when she returned, I am still heartbroken. I love the new kittie but I keep comparing her to Sass...I just needed to get that off of my chest to people that love their animals enough to grieve them )

Amy

I am very sorry for your loss. Sassi was obviously very important to you - and we all understand the feelings you are experiencing at this time.

You need to realize that it is not your fault. You cannot be on guard, every second of every day, to keep those you love from harm.

Recently my 10 year old niece became obsessed with death. She was constantly worried, after her guinea pig died, that the rest of her family would die. She had trouble sleeping and relazxng and doing school work. We adults also, sometimes, have difficulty coming to terms with death. But we are only human - and we can't control the beings around us completely - if we could, then it would make our relationships meaningless. We need to live our lives and sometimes that means that things happen beyond our control.

She came home to die - you are right. And she DID die at home. Right now her soul is probably right there watching you, feeling regretful that she was so curious and had to sneak outside, and wishing that you would understand that she isn't really gone. She's just "around the corner". She is with Grandma and Grandpa - and one day when you catch up, you will all be together again.

And your new kitty needs some attention right now - the loss of a playmate can be very upsetting. Lavish some attention on the new one and you will find yourself feeling better. You will always compare the new kitty to Sassi - sometimes in good ways, sometimes not - but you will realize in time that like us, they all have their own personalities.

Welcome to Lightning Strike - keep talking to us and work through your grief. We're here when you need us.

Thank you DJ. It feels better to know that others understand how I feel. Hopefully Sassi is with my mom...she LOVED kitties!

I know I can't blame myself for not knowing Sass was in trouble. I just feel like I could have looked under the deck because sometimes when she got out, she slept in a box under there...right outside my bedroom window! gggrrrrr

I play with the new kittie alot! She is VERY affectionate right now because she is in heat, but is getting fixed in a couple of weeks. She doesn't play as much as Sassi because Sassi was only seven months old when she died

Again, thank you so much for writing to me and for understanding me! I will definitely read and post daily. I need to get a pic of Sassi on here....she was beautiful!

Amy

Hi, Amy -

I'm so sorry about little Sassy. She sounds like such a little sweetie.

What a blessing for both of you that she was able to make it home to die. She died in the comfort of her own home, and you have some closure as to what happened to her.

Please don't feel guilty about what happened to her. As DJ said, you can't be everywhere all the time. Focus and the seven wonderful months you spent together.

I'm so sorry also about your parents. My parents, too, are older and have been sick lately. It so hard dealing with loosing a beloved pet and also dealing with the mortality of your parents.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

I watched Moose every second for 9 years......then in one moment it was over, I could'nt beleive he slipped away from me to run down to the busy street to have his back broken. It was very awful, as I had spent my whole time with him protecting him from anything that might hurt him, the worst possible senero and fear I had came true on Oct. 15. I can tell you coming here is going to help you. Pamela

Amy, I am so, so sorry you lost your Sassi. We can never know why some things happen...in spite of our best intentions and efforts. Glad you found LS to share your pain with others who understand.

Thinking of you,

I am so sorry that you lost your little Sassi and that she was mauled and died but it was good she found her way home she much have found comfort in that. Accidents happen no matter how careful you try to be and I know the feeling that sometimes we failed them but we would never hurt them on purpose.

My daughters cat got out and was hit by a car a couple of years ago right in front of her house. She didn't want to hurt him further by carrying him to far so she sit him on her front porch and ran in the house to call me to come with her to take him to the vet.

In the meanwhile little Charcoal ran off and we couldn't find him although we looked everywhere, We found his body under the bush at a relatives house across the street 3 days later because my grand daughter said she smelled something that made her sick so my daughter and I went over there to see if it was Charcoal.

I crawled under the bush because my daughter said she did not think she could do it. I screamed oh my God and she fell to her knees as I pulled him out. She blamed herself and said had she not put him on the porch he would still be alive.

I don't know why things happen but they do, it is sad and like I told my daughter she must not blame herself and neither should you Amy you did all you thought to do to find her, Just as Charcoal knows we loved him Sassi knows you loved her too. I am sorry about your mom and dad. I lost my mom too.
Ann

Your Sassi was very special to you and your heart will ache for her for quite sometime. Even though her life ended much too soon, she knew what love was and she was so thankful to you for that.

It's very sad the two of you didn't have more time together. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you will continue to come here as often as necessary. I'm also looking forward to seeing her pic. Take care.

__Jim

Hi Amy,
I am sorry to hear about your little Sassi kitty girl and about your parents too. You did not fail Sassi though, so please try not to think that, okay? She knows she was loved. As the others said, accidents just happen sometimes and it's true, we can't be everywhere all the time.

My thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself and keep coming here. We all care about you and there are some really good and wise people here who will help you through this.
Love,
Marcia

Thank you all so much for writing to me and giving me comfort. It is so good to know that others truly know how I feel, and how heart wrenching this can be.

Kathleen, Pamela, JT, Ann, Jim, Marcia...thank you for sharing your words and stories with me. I love seeing the pictures of your beloved babies! Perhaps Sassi has many playmates where she is

I really look forward to talking with you all more. Did any of you have problems during the night as far as waking up and feeling like you just got kicked in the gut when you remembered why you were sad?

Those of you who lost your parents, or have sickly parents, my heart goes out to you. Loss and grief, no fun

Hugs to all,

Amy

Amy,

I am so very sorry about Sassi and about your parents, also. I lost my father when I was 15 to cancer and pneumonia. Life is so unfair sometimes.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Traci (Goliathsmom)

Amy

I totally understand the waking during the night. My cat Kippy died nearly two weeks ago and I am still sleeping with a light on at night. I read till I fall asleep as I go into panic mode if I try to fall asleep in the dark. And if I wake during the night (most nights) I pick up my book before I can start thinking. I do the whole guilt trip on myself until I am a wreck. If its a really bad night I get up and log on here which helps too. I am so tired and yet scared of going to bed each night. I can keep most of the sadness at bay during the day but nights are so scary. I know gradually this will get easier as each time I have had to grieve I follow this same pattern. At least know if you wake and feel terrible there are others out there doing the same thing - you are not going mad!!!!

My heart goes out to you.

Anthea

Dear Amy,

So sorry about your little Sassi. Please do not blame yourself.

Yes, it is hard to sleep at night. I used to go to bed early (usually 8:00) since I get up super early for work............Past week, ever since Rusty left me, I'm up later than usual. Things are just not the same without our furry friends.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your new kitty. She needs you now.

What a comfort to know there are so many caring people out there.

Good night......

Lynn XXOO

I'm totally familiar with that middle of the night feeling. Sometimes I still wake in the night and expect to be able rub my foot through Shiloh's soft fur...it's such a sad realization when I wake enough to know why she's not there.

Good, so I'm not going crazy I hate this middle of the night thing. I'm going through my stages of grieving in a strange way...first I was so distraught, and now I'm in disbelief. Everytime I open the back door to let my dogs in, I expect Sass to be sitting there too. I look for her around every corner. I keep calling my new Bayleigh cat by Sassi's name...

After reading some posts about the pet cremation, I asked my husband to dig up my kitty so we could have her cremated. I hate looking in the backyard and know my baby is out there under the dirt...makes me sick. I almost want to sell my house and move.

I am so grateful to all of you for sharing your stories with me. I can't wait to put a pic on here so you all can see Sassi. I love the pics of all of your animals, they are so sweet!!

Hugs to all,

Amy