I think as we get closer to Christmas it's getting harder and harder not to crash.

I don't even know whether I'm crying for Luba or for my grandfather who was the only "dad" I ever had (he, my grandmother and my ever-working single mom raised me together). He died Christmas Day 2001.

He loved Luba and she loved him.

I miss them both so much.

I was doing pretty good today, even decorating the Christmas tree, seeing the ornaments with Misty's picture...until I got to the tiny stockings we hang on the tree, one for each member of the family. When I got to Misty's little kitten stocking, I just totally lost it.

Another first without her...

Hi Steph,

I do believe the holiday season makes us all much sadder. This will be my first Christmas without Little Man in eleven years. There will be so many first for all of us.

__Jim

It is the pits the absolute pits to be without those we love both furry and human. My mom died on New Years Day and I have never said Happy New Year to anyone since that day. I had my kids do the tree this year and I could see the tears in my sons eyes thinking about his little Chili Bean. We didn't put stocking up this year. Hugs
Ann

God Bless you Steph:

I'm with you, my friend.............
I've been in tears for a good part of the day.........I was reading my post/Tribute to Ernestine, and reading all
of the wonderful responses that I received..................

And, I was reading all of the other new posts, and the tears are just flowing today........

I am not sure that my tears have anything to do with our sweet Ernestine........
Really, I think it's just life itself.......

These tears though, are something new for me.........
I haven't cried IN A VERY, VERY LONG TIME.............

My temper is much more short......and, I just seem to be "irritated".....

Ben and I just watched "The Terminal", with Tom Hanks, and it was fun sitting on the couch, and watching a
good movie, and having laughs -- along with tears....

Jim is right.............this is a "first" for many of us, without our precious furkids!!!!

I'm very sad because Ms. Lucy has been vomiting a bit........
She started just before 3am, when I was awake.....
And, she seemed to settle a bit..so, I went to bed....

I gave her her Insulin injection this AM, because she had a good breakfast, but Ben and I saw that there were
about four more areas where she threw up........
We're not sure when "those" occurred!

But, I'll be calling her vet tomorrow, and see if he wants to see her, or should we
keep our usual appointment for this Thursday, for her blood glucose levels......

#1 Either she'll stay there all day; (this is called "a curve"),..............or
#2 She'll have an AM blood glucose test, and then one approximately 11 hours later....

I don't know............It's probably the Holidays....
My mom (72) is home alone..........my dad (74) is in a Nursing home..........
My 46 year old brother is in China on business (we spoke this AM because I wanted "The Family" to get together,
for Christmas)..........
And, then I spoke with my 36 year old brother, and he will speak with his wife, and they will "decide" what to do
for Christmas Eve......

I said to my younger brother, Steven, "It would be nice to see one another before WE REALLY HAVE TO, like "at a
funeral"".............
I really meant it...........
I don't know when I last saw my brothers!

God Bless Ben .......He's right here to comfort me.........
I was reading the new posts from my Tribute to Ernestine, and I couldn't stop crying........

He very occasionally will read the posts on LS.............but, Ben read Ernie's tribute today, and the replies,
and I "could hear that he got very, very misty".....

I guess I just can't believe how nice and "Human" everyone here at LS is........
If only we all lived in the same City...........


What a BEAUTIFUL CITY IT WOULD BE...................

God Bless You All, my Sweet Dear Friends........

Love, Always, Denise xo (Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster) xo

P.S. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR THE GIFT OF YOUR VERY SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP!!!!!

I think when we are young are Christmas has a different meaning, as we get older we experience loss as the years move on. My mother was the center of our family, after she passed I had one xmas with dad, now when the season comes I remeber all that I have lost, I put up decorations last year for the first time in 10, this year I have lost Moose I have no joy in the season this year and will do everything I can to make it just another evening. Then comes new years...its not a new year for me....it's the ending of the year that I lost Moose. I am going to seek Spirt this year and try and find some PEACE in my soul. Sometimes it is hard to count our blessings, they are still there, just mixed up with the sorrows now. Pamela

Hello Steph,
I'm participating in the holiday celebrations around me, but I'm not really "all there". I couldn't bring myself to decorate the house this year, especially hanging stockings, we had made it such a big thing with Dieter. You could ask him where his "presents" were anytime during the year and he'd run up to the fireplace and onto the hearth....barking and standing on his hind legs in the exact spot where his stocking was always hung. He really would get excited when we got the decoration boxes out every year and began holiday decorating. Not having my little buddy with me this year for that was just too much to bear.

My husband and other family members tried to encourage me and tell me that it would be good to do it, therapeutic. Not for me, it would just rip open the recently formed scab on my wound, too new to endure too much stress or it will break open and I'll fall completely apart......again.

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time, missing Luba and your Grandfather. This holiday will be different for many of us this year and you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Libby

Steph - I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I am sorry about your grandfather and Luba. My dad also died in December of 1991 and now my Rusty is gone (December 8th). Although I wanted to decorate a tree for my son, I just can not do it this year. It is harder the older you get.......more losses to face. It does help so much to talk to all of these great people on LS.

Love,

Lynn

I'm so sorry for your grief. It seems to come in waves -- subsiding sometimes and rising sometimes. It's hard not to share holidays with the ones you love and have shared with before -- hang in there, we're all with you, Karen

It is such a difficult time of year to loose a little precious one. All around us are people full of happiness and Christmas cheer. Somehow it makes the loss of our little babies all the more poignant. I've been having a good cry tonight, too.

My thoughts are with you Steph.

With love jilly

Today is being hard on me too. I've been calm the last few days, but its building up again...seems like a lot of us are having a rough day emotionally today. I can't even tell its Christmas. No tree, no parties, haven't bought any presents for anyone. Its turning out to be an end to a really really bad year, for reasons in addition to Punky. Three summer hurricanes damaged my house and killed half of my trees, I was fired in October and I have no future job prospects at hand, and now this with Punky.

Anyway, you're not alone. None of you are

Anyone have any recommendations for some temporary relief they could share?

This Christmas is so awful. I have been crying every day and I had been o.k. with that for a while now. It will be four months this Saturday and it's like I'm in the third week again. Max loved Christmas so much. He would get all excited and he would love to get his presents. My husband and I always gave each other something and put that it was from Max. I put Maxie's ornament on the tree. It's just not the same. When we would tell him Santa was coming he would get all excited and run over to the door. This is a horrible Christmas. We made plans to go to the West coast and leave on Christmas day to get away from the sadness. I am so sorry everyone here has to go through this same thing. It's a really sad Christmas. I love and miss him so much.

Carol

Hello Punky's Mommy - Temporary relief.... Maybe bring some treats to an animal shelter or take one of the dogs there for a short walk?

Lynn

Temporary relief for me has been flopping in front of the TV and getting into whatever is on. At least that distracts me now. In the early phase I couldn't watch a thing.

Boy does that sound familiar. I'm at 6 and a half months, and if feels like I'm back in week 4 or 5.

I feel so guilty towards Falkor. However, I am still having a lot of fun with him, so I guess I'm not a horrible fur-mommie.

I JUST MISS LUBA SO MUCH!!!!

Hey Steph,
I am glad that you and Falkor are having fun! You are wonderful mommy to Falkor, even in all of your pain and missing Luba. Of that, I have no doubt.
Love,
Marcia