When I woke up this morning, I thought, okay, I"m a little better despite lack of sleep. Now here it is , only 1223, and I am beside myself with grief and guilt and despair. I have literally been screaming and howling in this empty house. All I can think of, is that, I killed my baby. I thought it was right, but now I do not. What in God's name am I going to do to get past this? I truly feel like I am losing my mind. Can anyone help me?

We have all gone through what you are feeling - but it is still unique, in that each of us requires a different amount of time to come to terms with our loss. You are perfectly normal - and you just need to give yourself a couple of deep breaths, make a cup of tea, and relax a bit.

A week after Jesse died I found myself calling in sick to work, and frantically searching the couches and chairs in my loft for whiskers that he and Edgar might have shed. After two hours of crying, sobbing, and frantically searching - I fell asleep on my bed exhausted. So you see - what you are feeling is completely normal.

Rusty was in pain, his body failing - and nothing you could do would have fixed that problem. He was, from your previous story, in constant misery and pain.

You did what nature hadn't yet done - and relieved his pain. Should you feel some guilt? You are a HUMAN - of course you should - that is normal. But is the guilt JUSTIFIED? Not really, sweetheart.

I've told many people on here - I am a terminally ill person - and although I am perfectly healthy and will hopefully live a long, full life - if, one day, I am living in misery, with my body and my mind betraying me, and constant pain destroying my soul - I would be grateful beyond words to be helped quietly away into the eternal night.

You need a distraction - greiving alone isn't going to help you, and it certainly won't honour the memory of Rusty. Perhaps some long walks, a volunteering somewhere or filling up some time with friends?

And, of course, we are always here to talk to you

HUGS

From the bottom of my broken heart, I thank you.

Just remember that YOUR broken heart is twice as kind, loving and compassionate as most people's UN broken hearts

Anytime....

You did not kill your sweet Rusty, you helped him out of his body that was wracked with pain. A body that could hardly hold up under the strain of his problems. What you did you did out of love because you could not stand to see him suffer any longer.

It is hard to think of and it is sad to know we have to help our babies across to the Rainbow Bridge sometime. But you gave him the greatest give anyone can give. We are not killers we just did what was best for them.Rusty is no longer crippled and you don't have to help him go to the bathroom anymore. After all those years he must have felt his pride and dignity were failing him and it must have made him very sad.

Right now your heart is breaking and is shattered but he is running free without pain. You will see Rusty again when it is your time to go, until then he waits pain free for you. Tell us what kind of dog Rusty was, what was he like before he became ill, what was his favorite foods, his favorite games. Say his name over and over because we all love to hear the name of the one we so loved and just to speak his name might help you so much.
Ann

Dear Walady,
First of all, let me start off by saying that I'm am so sorry for your loss! We at LS know how much you are hurting because we have all been there. Let me say too that DJ's, Edgar-Jesse-Tom's mom is so wonderful with words and has the words are so true. I wanted to let you know what has helped me thru my loss and maybe it could help you too. I made a contribution to a great animal foundation (Morris Anaimal) and they published Sparky's photo about 6 months after he passed away. He died from cancer, so if a cure could be found that would be such a great thing! I also took all his photos,letter & cards from friends and made a scrape-book and each day I light a candle next to his little box. I have done other things too, all for his memory & for me to heal. Time will help, being forgiving to yourself will help too. It will be 2 years in Jan. that I lost Sparky, I am still healing.
Hugs

I also built a "memory box" containing hair clippings whiskers, a name tag and collars - along with Edgar and Jesse's brushes... it sits on the night table beside my bed. It helped a lot - and sometimes I look inside cry for five minutes, and then go back to my otherwise wonderful life.

Maybe something like that would help you...

I turn here when I have the blues because sometimes it's good to share with people who know what you're going through, or sometimes it helps to be able to help someone else. I too thought at one point, lord I must need to be medicated this can't be right, but it's right and it's normal. Heck I lost an important part of my family, not dozen flowers, a family member and it willl take time to heal. I will never forget, but I will heal and the wound won't be this big gaping hole.

Hugs Sharon