On Wednesday, we took our wonderful dog, Rusty, to the vet for euthanasia. Rusty was sixteen years old and had been incontinent for almost a year. He could not walk for more than a few steps without falling, and was barking in what I assume to have been pain when he tried to get up. We had been carrying him most of the time for months, and we even took him outside and "helped" him to relieve himselve by pressing on his bladder. We had talked to the vet and she had predicted years ago that his overall good health would lead to this end, crippling of his hindquarters and loss of his bladder and bowel functions. Generally, he slept most of the time when he was not needing to go out. On Wednesday, he seemed to be in distress and was barking for me whenever I left the room. He vomited at one point, and I took him outside to relieve himself. When we came in he cried as he tried to lay down. My husband and i could not stand to see him in pain anymore, so we took him in. At the time I felt it was right, and the vet agreed, stating his kidneys were probably failing. He had been drinking lots of water and urinating heavily. I am now so consumed with grief and guilt that I am physically ill. I can't eat or sleep. My husband assures me we ended his pain and that it was merciful, but I still feel I did something terribly wrong. I know that he was just worn out and there was nothing to do to help him, but why don't I feel that I did what was right? Is this normal? Will it pass? Please help me.

Dear Waflady,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Rusty. It sounds like even though his last year wasn't the best, all the other years you had together were wonderful.

Making the decision to put your furbaby down is one of the most difficult decisions. It so hard for us humans to decide that quality of life is no longer there. What you did for Rusty is nothing to feel guilty about. You gave him a great gift...you took on his pain so he could be pain free.

I encourage you to go back and read some of the posts that have been written here. You'll see that you're not alone in your grief and guilt, and you'll also see some great advice about letting go of the guilt and managing the grief.

This is a wonderful website. The folks her will embrace and comfort you through all your feelings. Keep coming here and keep sharing.

My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

Thank you. I have been reading these posts for over an hour and it is helping tremendously. I hope that with time, I will begin to know that my Rusty is waiting for me and that he is young and strong again, the way he used to be.

I'm very sorry to learn of the loss of Rusty. I also had to put my dog to sleep and I can tell you what you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. Your feelings of guilt will come and go but you must keep things in perspective or it will get you down.

After having my dog put to sleep I tormented myself as to whether I did the right thing. The moment I knew my dog was in pain and nothing could be done to help him, I knew I had to help him. He was dependant on me for everything and I always did the best I could for him and I know he had had a wonderful life with me. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done, but having him put to sleep was the final act of love I could show him. He was looking directly into my eyes when he took his final breath and I know he had a pain-free death. He left this world knowing that everything I had ever done for him was done out of love.

It's the same with you and Rusty. If you had him for sixteen years, you had to have done everything humanly possible during the course of his entire life to protect him and care for his every need. Even in the end, you did the best you could by him and he surely understood that. He knew everything you did for him was done out of love and he thanks you for it.

Things will slowly get better with the passage of time, but take all the time you need to grieve. You have had a huge loss and life without Rusty will be different, but we do learn to adjust. Expressing your feelings with others in this forum will be of great help to you. Come here as often as you need; we're here to listen.

Take care,
__Jim

Thanks. I feel like I am okay for an hour or two, and then waves of pain crash over me until I just want to cry out or die. I have a teenage daughter and wonderful husband, and i have to "keep it together" for them. I keep thinking we should have waited longer, atho on Wedensday I absolutely felt that Rusty was in pain and we needed to end it for him. I feel like I am going crazy. Does anyone think I should get professional help, or will this pass?

All the emotions you are feeling are normal, guilt, loss, pain, emptyness. When the time comes when it is about them instead of us, we do what we must. it is a great act of love to stop thier pain....it sounds like you have done all that you can. It is hard to let go, this site has been a life line. A friend in sorrow. Pamela

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Rest assured, the feelings you're having are perfectly normal. Pain, sorrow, guilt, anger...you'll be feeling them for a while. Grieving is not just for our human family, but for our furry one as well. Just know that you've taken Rusty's pain away as your own, and as much as you know in your head that it was time for that last act of kindness, it's hard to accept it in your heart.

Wishing you peace and comfort...

At this point, you don't need professional help. You must give yourself time to grieve. You will feel like you're going crazy and the pain will seem unbearable. This is how you feel in the beginning stage of the grief process. After I buried my dog, there were many times during the first couple of weeks that I thought about digging him up just so I could hold him once more. I, too, felt that I had gone completely out of my mind, but I have managed to hang onto my sanity. (I think)

The first month is the worst for most of us, then things begin to become less intense. It's extremely difficult, but we all must go through the many stages of the grief process. Right now you are in a state of shock, disbelief, and even denial that your beloved Rusty is gone. It's completely logical that you feel this way considering how much you loved Rusty and that he had be a very important part of your life for sixteen years.

The cloud will begin to lift and things will eventually get better. Few of us ever have to seek professional help to deal with our losses, but it may be necessary for some people. There's nothing wrong with getting professional help if you truly need it, but if you'll just give yourself some time, I think you will see that things are slowly getting better and you can learn to live with the loss.

Please don't think your crazy for feeling the way you do right now. We've all felt that way in the beginning. If things don't get much better after a few months, then you might want to consider getting help from a professional.

We will always miss our beloved pets and the longing to have them back will always persist. They were so special to us and it's always heartbreaking when we have to give them up. You'll make it through just like the rest of us have. Just know you are not alone and this forum will always be an outlet for your feelings....use it as often as necessary.

__Jim

Thank you, thank you, thank you all. I have been at this computer most of the day, and probably will be for some time. I am so grateful to have found this site and the wonderful people who are helping me thru this. I will get a picture of my Rusty on here soon.

Hi!

I am sorry for the loss of your furbaby, Rusty...........But, I always say to everyone..........."If you needed to find a
pet-grief site........I am very, very grateful that you have found Lightning-Strike"......

This wonderful place, and all the wonderful people who make up LS........It's truthfully A MIRACLE!!!!

Your sweet Rusty went to "Rainbow's Bridge" on Wednesday, 12/8.............and, that's not a long time ago.... So, I really
feel that "what you are feeling, what you are experiencing right now..........IT IS ALL VERY, VERY NORMAL!

My beloved Ernestine, was put to sleep on February 7, 2004............and I JUST REALIZED YESTERDAY, that she has been at Rainbow's Bridge for TEN MONTHS...........
Time flies by........but, I know with all my heart, that Ernie-Bird is running happily among the grassy meadows, with everyone's furbabies who are up at Rainbow's Bridge with her........and, they're "HAVING A BLAST", catching Butterflies on their noses...........

After Ernie was put to sleep...............I was walking around in circles..........I couldn't make sense of anything............
I couldn't eat........didn't shower for a few days..........I just "couldn't do anything"......... I was really a mess.........

My HEART HURT like someone was taking a serrated knife and shoving it in and out......... My heart hurt soooooooo much...............
Thank you God, I had my husband Ben's arms to fall into, AND ALSO.........this WONDERFUL, SUPERB SITE TO COME TO!!!

I'm not sure how I would have made it.............

But, I do want to share with you this one thing that a very wise member said to me...............

She said, "DENISE...........YOU TOOK ON ERNESTINE'S PAIN, SO THAT SHE COULD BE WITHOUT PAIN".......

Well.............right there, I knew that Ben and I did the right thing............

Our sweet girl COULDN'T PASS ON HER OWN..........SHE COULDN'T GET TO HEAVEN WITHOUT A LITTLE HELP..........

And, as HARD AS IT WAS...........we made the choice to have her put to sleep.......

Another poster here (kl), who posts frequently, states that "Euthanasia means.............GOOD DEATH......

How very, very true!!!!

When you decided to have your sweet boy Rusty put to sleep............please, always know that You gave him a very, very special gift........
You helped him do what he could not!

And, please believe me..........your Rusty THANKS YOU...........HE LOVES YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH FOR HELPING TO
LET HIM GO........
His precious body was tired........
And, YOU LOVED HIM ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM THE GIFT OF PEACE!!!!

Please, always know that you did a wonderful thing..........(and, it definitely is one of the very hardest things!!!)

You are RIGHT...............Your beloved Rusty IS PERFECT AGAIN........... He is in no more pain........he is running free........having a wonderful time.....
He is not incontinent anymore.....
He loves you!!!

You have received wonderful advice from some of the great people at LS..........
And, in reading the posts of other people.............. To see how "they made it through"........... And, how "they are making it through".............
You are doing the best thing that I can think of.........

That's what helped me immensely.....

God Bless you, my new friend............
You are among soooooooo many wonderful friends here.......


When you get a chance, we would all love to see your boy, Rusty..........

Always know that "he loves you very, very, very much!!!!!"
You gave him a gift, that is sometimes very hard to give..........But, I know that he loves you for it!!!!"

Love, Denise xo

I am so sorry you had to have your little Rusty put to sleep. It is the hardest thing that most of us have ever had to do. It sounds as though you were wonderful with him and loved him with all your heart. We all feel we should have waited or had it done sooner or taken them to more doctor, we are human and sometimes we doubt ourselves. Your husband is right and he is running free with our furbabies at the Rainbow Bridge waiting for you when your time comes.

I had to have my son's chihuahua Chili Bean put to sleep on 11-11-04. She had just turned 10, she stayed with us 12 days and went to my son's house for 12 days we did keep her longer in the end because she needed medication 3 times a day. She had been under treatment for severe asthma and a congested heart. Before the new medication she wheezed and gasped for every breath she took. We thought she might need to be put to sleep.

The vet tried one more treatment and Chili Bean was getting so much better and we thought we had the battle won. Yet in the end we lost her to cancer that we did not know she had. It hit a nerve in her nose and eye, her nostrils were contorted and she was breathing so hard. I had no idea when I took Chili Bean to the vet that she was going to need to be put to sleep. He said she would suffocate and although I knew it had to be done I still feel so sad and so guilty over it. Yet I know in my heart that I did the right thing, the only thing I could do, I could not let her suffocate and die a horrible death. We still miss her so much but the tears are coming less now but we will always love her.
Ann

Looks like 2 Rusty's left us on Wednesday, the 8th......my beloved bunny and Waflady's beloved dog.

I too, am questioning if I am ever going to feel "normal" again or if I am crazy. I am taking the advice of everyone here who assures us that time is the healer. I never wish for time to pass quickly but I sure am doing that now. I want to be on the other side of this so I can remember the happy times spent with Rusty and not be consumed by this grief.

Hang in there......Lynn

Rusty's Mom,
I am very sorry to hear of your precious furbaby, Rusty. Everyone hear feels your pain when they have lost their pet and know what you are going through. It hurts tremondously but if you think about it you have taken his pain away. All I can say is yes I know how you feel. It is never easy especially when you make that decision for them. You do this out of love . . . you are returning the unconditional love they have given you. You have shown Rusty how much you really love him . . . you gave him a peaceful death and with that you took away his pain. What more can anyone in this world ask for!!!! You put Rusty above your pain and let him go to Rainbow Bridge and be whole again. Then one day someone with a wagging tail will greet you and you will be reunited again to share a new life. Rusty is whole again, running and waiting for you. He does have a lot of very good company up there with him. I hope you come here so you can grieve because everyone here loves to help each other out through this difficult time in their lives. It has changed mine and everyone here is wonderful and very understanding. Take your time and let yourself grieve and heal. You & your family are in my thoughts.
ChrissyW