My dear "Little Dog",

Six months today I received the phone call that would forever haunt me. You had died at the vets. A heart attack. Your big heart just couldn't hold out with all of the things going wrong in your little body.

I went to see you. It broke my heart how you were lying there. The vet had placed your little toy beside you, and you lay there so quietly. You'd been so quiet when I brought you in to the vets already. You, quiet? It just didn't fit. You were my energy ball. You LOVED to run and play.

A few days ago, I saw what you could have become if the vet had managed to pull you through. You see, I saw a dog that had the same heart problem as you did. Only with this dog, the problem was caught early, and did not lie hidden, as it did with you.

The dog was not able to move much, or play at all. He had trouble breathing, and apparently struggled at night. This was a quiet, and gentle sort of dog, and was coping with the lifestyle change just fine. But you? Not run? Not PLAY? No. You would have fallen into a depression. You lived to run and play. It is good that you went when your body was as sick as it was. I only wish that I had been able to be with you. But, perhaps, as Michael says, you needed to go on your own. There were many animal loving vet assistants around you, and they would have heard if you were in distress and suffering, but you just went quietly.

I never had to forbid you go play. God help me, I might have just let you play anyways, and live a short happy life. I never had to make the choice. You made the decision yourself.

I love you. You are always with me.

Oh Steph I am thinking of you and your precious Luba and I wish I could take your pain or make it less for you but that is not possible. All I can do is let you know my heart is with you. I am in tears for the loss of your darling Luba.

It must have been a heartbreaking sight to see her laying so quietly with her toy beside him. She is running and playing now and not just laying there suffering in pain. I know that does not remove the pain we feel but it does bring comfort to all of us who have lost our babies. Hugs
Ann

and Luba was so lucky to have you...it was fate.....and a gift.....we will always miss them wont we? Steph, losing Moose has changed my life forever, I have had other dogs in my life but never one that loved me like Moose, God gave them to us, we named them, they belong to us to care for while we are here, and when it is over they are part of our soul and who we are and we will see them again. Pamela

Thanks Ann and Pamela.

I really do hope that I see her again sometime.

It's so hard to believe that half a year can pass, and that life can contnue without the her.

Steph,
I have spent the day reading your post from beginning to end. I did not realize that you were not there to hold her as she passed from this world. That must have been so hard for you not to be there when you thought she was going to be fine and come home well and whole just like I thought Chili Bean was going to. I see I called Luba a he and and I will go change that, I'm sorry I am usually so good about that kind of thing. I guess when I did the post I was so much asleep that I did not realize that. Snookie wakes me up and I am only getting a few hours a broken sleep. I just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you and your sweetie.
Ann

Aww. Thanks Ann. That's ok about calling her a he. I've done that a few times here too.

Yes, it was devastating not being there when she died. I had called the vet an hour before and asked if I could see her. He said no, because they had just stabilized her, and her heart would be really strained if I came and left again. Then he called an hour later and said she had died. The good thing is that she was not alone. There were many vet assitants around, and they would have noticed if she was in distress. She just went quietly. She'd had a bit of food handfed to her, and then she just curled up and went. So sad.

Anyways, I'm enjoying my Falkor, who really is rallying again.

How is your Snookie doing? I'm thinking of you.