Kippy
Dec 4 2004, 05:10 PM
I lost my beautiful 16 year old cat on Friday night and I am really not coping very well. She had become very frail and was eating enormous amounts of food but I couldn't fact taking her to the vet. She was a cat who hated a trip to the vet so much it was very distressing and I just couldn't put her through it. On Friday night I found her in the kitchen fitting and she died in my arms about an hour later. But now I feel so terribly guilty. She was always such a beautiful looking cat and in her last year she had become really scraggy and she had matted fur underneath her tummy and I should have cut it off but she hated me doing it and I was scared of hurting her as she was so frail. She was an independent girl who loved a bit of attention but also very much liked to do her own thing. I had her from the day she was born as I still have her mother. I had no idea she was as sick as she was. Her little body looked so forlorn and I just wish I had kept her a bit more "tidy". She seemed happy and was still climbing trees and jumping up on walls even on the day she died. I also feel so mean as on the day she died I put her outside even though she wanted to be in as she was doing her toileting in the house. I feel so devastated by her dying and so terribly guilty that I could have made her last few days better. I know all this seems so silly but I just feel so overwhelmed by guilt and sadness. I just cannot believe she is not there anymore and I keep looking for her and expect to hear her calling out to me. She was just such a lovely cat.
anthea
Pamela
Dec 4 2004, 06:34 PM
Anthea,
I am so sorry that your baby died in your arms. It sounds like the same thing that happened to my Summer girl, I had her for 16 yrs also, she was my comforter. She started losing weight terribly and was always hungry could never eat enough espically potato chips. The vet told me she had thyroid faliure and I could not aford the expensive treatment, I asked my brother one morning to please take her to the vet along with my dad's dog Spike and drop them off. I could'nt say goodbye,,,,,just like I could'nt when My Moose Dog was hit. your baby died a natural death, instinc tells them the time has come and they accept it just like humans do when it reaches the point life is not livable in the sickness. So as hard as it is right now, count your blessings you held her in your arms as she passed That was a wonder act of LOVE
Summer's mom Pamela
Ann H
Dec 4 2004, 08:01 PM
Anthea,
I am sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Kippy. None of your post sounds silly to me. Most of us torment ourselves with some form of guilt of what we could have, should have done and more. Keep coming and tell us more about you baby it helps so much to talk to others who know your pain.
Ann
zoeysdad
Dec 4 2004, 08:12 PM
Hi Anthea,
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. It seems all of us try to find a way to blame ourselves for not doing more to save our pets, when the truth is most of us would have stopped at nothing to save our pets if we knew they would continue to have a good quality of life.
Please don't beat yourself up with guilt. You gave Kippy a great life and I know she was very thankful to have you.
Take care,
__Jim
Kathleen032
Dec 4 2004, 10:49 PM
Dear Anthea,
I'm so sorry about Kippy. It sounds like you two had 16 wonderful years together.
Rather than focusing on what you could've or should've done, focus on the wonderful gift you gave Kippy...you embraced her and surrounded her with love as she passed from this life to the Rainbow Bridge.
As Ann said, many of us beat ourselves up with guilt over what we could've done differently, but, truthfully, I think you did exactly what Kippy wanted you to do.
Take good care,
Kathleen
kips
Dec 5 2004, 10:17 AM
Hi
I just cried when I saw that someone out there had replied to my message. I just feel so dreadful and it is wonderful that there are people that care and that know how I am feeling. I just cannot believe she has gone. I bought a Christmas tree decoration for her today but I feel sick when I look at it. I am worrying about how they are treating her body at the crematorium and even felt so paniced I nearly rang and said I wanted her back. I feel I am going mad with grief. I couldn't bear to bury her at home as I know I will be moving and I could never leave her body here so I had no choice. I am worried it wont be her ashes. Everything I think about is in terms of Kippy. I am trying to see it is terms of how lucky I was to have her for so long and I didn't have to make the decision to put her down but it still hurts so much. I have a beautiful box that I have filled with photos, her collar and some fur and I will put her ashes in there as well but it is just breaking my heart to look at it. I guess it will get easier but at the moment it seems so quiet when I open the front door - we complained about how she never talking and now I wish so desperately I could hear her again. It is so true that you just do not appreciate what you have till it is gone.
Thank you for taking the time out to respond. It has made such a difference to me and each time I feel overwhelmed I come back to read some more.
Anthea
deedee
Dec 5 2004, 01:15 PM
Please don't be hard on yourself. Animals hide their illness and frailty very well - they have to because in the wilds, it would make them easy prey.
16 years is a good age for a kitty, and she knew she was loved. You didn't want to groom her because she was frail. I got like that with Carmen, who was 19 when she died. She looked terrible when I took her into the vet's for the last time.
In time, you will remember all of her life, not just her last few months and days. They were part of a long life that the two of you shared. She loved you; you loved her. That is, ultimately, all it ever comes down to, and you were both blessed.
I am sorry for your loss.
kips
Dec 6 2004, 09:32 PM
Today I am feeling a little bit better - I just don't know what I would have done without this site. I can not believe how much it has helped. Today I think I am able to get Kippy's ashes - I think that will set me back a bit. I rang the crematorium yesterday and broke down sobbing and they were so lovely. She told me they had looked after her and it just made me feel so much better. I kept apologising she was so scruffy and skinny and she said they knew how much we loved her. Old age is so cruel. I remember when she was young and she was so large and had such beautiful long, glossy fur. She was a tortie and had really beautiful markings. I can hardly believe she ended up like she did. She had a purr that was so loud you could hear her for miles. Even as she was dying in my arms she was trying to purr. I am going to try to post a memorial to Kippy when I feel I can do her some justice.
Isn't it wonderful there are so many of us with such a passion for our pets. It makes me think there is a lot of good people in this world.
Anthea
kips
Dec 13 2004, 09:12 AM
Today I finally felt strong enough to get Kippy's ashes and whilst I cried all the way home I felt there was some closure. I put them in a box with some other keepsakes and I feel oddly comforted by having the ashes back - I feel a bit weird saying that!! I still have Kippy's bed out the front and the night she died I put her body there until the morning. I had been meaning to move it as I was finding it heart breaking to see it and then I find Kippy's mother, who has her own bed, has moved into Kippys. I broke down when I first found her in there but I guess it is her way of staying close to her daughter in the only way she can.
This site has been my main support in dealing with Kippy's death and I can not say how much I have appreciated being able to write some of my thoughts but even more importantly in reading posts from you all. To know there are so many people who understand is just wonderful. Many times during the night when I would not be able to close my eyes because all I see is Kippy I would come hear and just read away. I must also say the people who dealt with the cremation were also fantastic - certainly better than some well meaning friends who just managed to completey make me feel worse! One of the best messages of support I got strangely enough was from a friend who can not stand cats but who still empathised enough to know how terrible I was feeling.
I also wondered if others of you, having just lost one precious furbaby, have gotten panicy over your other pets. I am now unable to be rational about my other two cats and two dogs. Is this normal? I feel I am going to lose them all and am constantly checking on them.
My heartfelt best wishes to you all
Anthea
LouAnn6
Dec 13 2004, 02:05 PM
I just lost my cat of 17 years back at the end of Sept. and I find that I am always keeping a close eye on my two dogs. I really worry about my older dog, that is a large breed dog and will be 11 years of age the 22nd of this month, I am so worried that his time will come before I am ready to deal with death again. I got lucky that my first fur baby died 5 years prior to my cat and that gave my time to deal with him being gone befure I had to deal with losing my cat. It seems that no matter how much time we have with our fur babies it is never long enough. Take care and know that all here feel your sadness.
SharonL
Dec 13 2004, 06:04 PM
I am sorry you lost your sweet Kippy. Nothing you could say will ever sound silly here. We are all here to lean on each other. So you say whatever is on your mind, however many times you need to say it!
Hugs Sharon
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