It has been 3 weeks today since we lost our sweet fur grand baby Chili Bean. I still cannot hardly believe it. She had been fighting asthma for a year and had developed heart failure. Every step she took left her coughing so hard, she coughed as she tried to play, while she tried to eat. Chili Bean even coughed if she was laying down resting and even in her sleep.

Just a few weeks before her death we were told that if this new treatment didn't work within a couple of weeks it would be kindest to put her to sleep. We had tried everything available and this was the last of the meds they could give her.

The new meds were doing a wonderful job controlling her coughing, wheezing, and struggling to breath. They did cause her to pant and she was not sleeping well but the vet said that would stop once her body got used to it. Chili Bean was able to play again, it was rare that she coughed and we rejoiced that she was going to live.

So when Chili Bean's nose contorted and her nostrils starting closing we thought it was a infection or a side effect of the new medications. The next day I made the 80 mile trip to the vet because he is thorough, wonderful with animals and treats them like kids. I took my Snookie with me and I sang and talked to them all the way there.

I was eating a candy bar and I know it is a no no but I gave them each a bite. All was well in my world as we made our way there. When I took Chili Bean in I told her the Doctor Man would make her well in no time. I had no idea that she would not be coming home alive.

After some test it was discovered she had cancer in the roof of her mouth that we did not know about and it had hit a nerve and there was no hope for her. The vet said she would suffocate and because of her heart and lungs and being 10 years old she would never make it through an operation that is almost never successful under the best conditions.

I told him I had to stay in with her and after a few phone calls to my family I held her in my arms as she went to sleep for the last time. Today I am crying as hard as I was on that day that I had to help her to the Rainbow Bridge. Even more than I did in the first week I have been seeing her lifeless body and feeling the pain that I cannot describe. It just still hurts so much and I miss her so terribly.
Ann

I'm so sorry. Anniversary dates are always so difficult.

I was counting "week anniversaries" right until around the 20th week after. I've stopped doing that now, but I'm still really into the "month anniversary" thing (6 months on December 5th).

Your little one was so cute. I'm sure you guys had so much fun together.

I'm thinking of you. How are your other two doing? Any improvements?

Wow, I cried when I read that. You are a wonderful parent to the furry children. I understand about finding a good vet. Luckily mine is only about 10 miles away. It sounds like you did everything within your power to help him. Chili Bean was a cutie.

Anniversary dates will be hard, I think. I know that Tuesday was my one week anniversary since losing Kona and it was harder than any of the other days. I still can't get the image of her lifeless body out of my mind either. But, today is a little better.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I understand just how much you loved Chili Bean and it really hurts to lose him. Take good care of yourself and your other babies.

Susan